Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 2, Episode 12 - Citizen Cane - full transcript

(whispering)
SUGAR!

FRESHLY FALLEN SNOW...

TINY LITTLE AMALGAMS OF
CRYSTALLIZED PURITY.

BUT YOU KNOW, WHEN THE VENEER OF
POPULAR MYTHOLOGY MELTS AWAY,

WHAT ARE YOU LEFT WITH?

A BUCKETFUL OF ACID RAIN, LACED
WITH SULFURIC COMPOUNDS

AND, I DON'T KNOW, OZONE JUICE.

NOPE... IF IT'S CRYSTAL
IMPURITY YOU SEE,

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PARK
ROSEBUD AT THE BACK DOOR

AND HEAD FOR THE KITCHEN,
BECAUSE IT'S THERE,

BETWEEN THE FLOUR
AND THE TEA BAGS,



IN A CANISTER LABELED "SUGAR."

THAT'S RIGHT... NATURE'S
MOST EFFECTIVE SWEETNESS-
DELIVERY DEVICE

IS ALSO ONE OF THE MOST
POTENT AND POWERFUL

OF THE PLAYERS IN THE
KITCHEN UNIVERSE.

AND BESIDES ITS OBVIOUS
ACCOMPLISHMENTS

IN THE ARENAS OF SWEETENING,
FLAVOR ENHANCEMENTS,

PRESERVATION, FERMENTATION,
HYDROLYZATION AND TENDERIZATION,

SUGAR'S JUST A GREAT
INGREDIENT ALL BY ITSELF.

ADD A LITTLE HEAT, A LITTLE
WATER, A LITTLE CHEMISTRY,

AND AMAZING THINGS WILL HAPPEN.

SO JOIN US, WON'T YOU,

AS WE VENTURE DEEP INTO THE
HEART OF A LITTLE DISACCHARIDE

THAT WE LIKE TO CALL SUCROSE.

AND I DON'T CARE WHAT
THOSE "BUSTER" PEOPLE SAY...



SUGAR...

IS "GOOD EATS!"

IF SUNLIGHT WERE TO TAKE A
PHYSICAL FORM ON OUR PLANET,

IT WOULD BE AS SUCROSE.

NOW ALL GREEN PLANTS
MANUFACTURE SUCROSE,

TO SOME DEGREE OR ANOTHER,
VIA PHOTOSYNTHESIS--

THAT AMAZINGLY COMPLEX
TRANSMUTATION

OF ENERGY INTO MATTER.

BUT ONLY TWO PLANTS,
SUGAR BEET

AND THAT GIANT GRASS
WE CALL SUGAR CANE,

MANUFACTURE SUCROSE IN
HARVESTABLE AMOUNTS.

NOW NOBODY REALLY
KNOWS WHERE OR WHEN

MAN BEGAN TO
CRYSTALLIZE SUGAR

FROM THE JUICE OF
SACCHARUM OFFICINARUM,

BUT THERE ARE
WRITTEN RECORDS

OF PRODUCING HONEY
WITHOUT BEES

ALONG THE BANKS OF
THE GANGES RIVER

AS EARLY AS 500 B.C.

NOW AT THAT TIME,

THE REFINING PROCESS WAS
STILL IN ITS INFANCY,

AND NOBODY HAD FIGURED OUT
HOW TO REMOVE THE CRYSTALS

FROM THE DARK-BROWN,
GOOEY MOLASSES

OR THE CANE SYRUP THAT
JUST WOULDN'T CRYSTALLIZE.

SO INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE
THE WHITE-LIKE SNOWY STUFF

THAT WE THINK OF AS SUGAR,
SUGAR LOOKED LIKE THIS--

DARK, STICKY
LOAVES OR CONES.

TO USE IT YOU JUST
SCRAPED IT OFF

WITH EITHER A KNIFE OR A
FORK INTO A SUGAR BOWL.

NOW FROM INDIA, THE KNOWLEDGE
SPREAD WEST TO PERSIA.

IT WAS HALTED THERE
BY ARAB MERCHANTS,

WHO SAW SUGAR'S
TRUE POTENTIAL.

SO THEY TINKERED AROUND
WITH A TECHNOLOGY

AND FINALLY PERFECTED THE
PRODUCTION OF SUGAR,

AND THEY MONOPOLIZED
ITS COMMERCE,

MOVING IT ACROSS THE
NORTHERN RIM OF AFRICA

AND TAKING IT WITH THEM INTO
SPAIN, WHEN THEY TOOK OVER.

THERE THEY KIND OF LET IT
TRICKLE INTO EUROPE,

AT ABOUT $500
A SPOONFUL,

UNTIL THE CRUSADERS CAME
INTO SPAIN, STOLE CLIPPINGS,

TOOK IT BACK TO
BRUSSELS AND LONDON.

DESPERATE TO GET THEIR
OWN SUPPLY GOING,

THEY CARRIED IT TO
THEIR NEW COLONIES

IN THE LESSER ANTILLES,
IN THE CARIBBEAN,

WHERE IT EVENTUALLY TOOK
OVER AND SPREAD ACROSS TO CUBA

AND EVEN INTO SOUTHERN
FLORIDA, WHERE WE ARE TODAY.

NOW I'D LOVE TO TELL YOU WHY
THERE WAS SO MUCH FUSS

ABOUT THIS LITTLE WHITE POWDER,

BUT HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY
I AM NOT A NUTRITIONAL...

SHE'S BACK THERE,
ISN'T SHE?

HI!
ANTHROPOLOGIST.

OKAY, DEB, WHY ALL
THIS FUSS OVER SOME
WHITE POWDER?

YOU MEAN SUGAR?
SUGAR... WHAT'S
THE BIG DEAL?

WELL FOR ONE THING,

GLUCOSE IS THE MAIN
ENERGY SOURCE OF
THE BRAIN,

AND WE HAVE BIG
BRAINS... THEY'RE
BIG ENERGY SINKS.

AND WE LEARN ON
OUR MOTHER'S BREAST

TO LIKE SWEETNESS,
BECAUSE BREAST MILK
IS REALLY SWEET.

AND THAT'S TO GET US
KIND OF CONDITIONED

TO THINKING
SWEET/GOOD?
PROBABLY.

SWEETNESS IS GOODNESS,
IS PROTECTION, IS
COMFORT--

THAT KIND OF THING.

AND THEN SOME
PEOPLE EVEN SAY

THAT IT'S PART OF
OUR GENETIC MEMORY

FROM IF OUR
ANCESTORS WERE,

POSSIBLY, FRUIT
EATERS.

SO EITHER WAY,
WE'RE CONDITIONED
TO LIKE SWEETS--

SWEET, GOOD...
BITTER, BAD.

YEAH, BUT WE'VE
GONE OVERBOARD.

YEAH, I'LL
SAY SO.

WHAT EXACTLY ARE
YOU DOING HERE,
BY THE WAY?

OH, I'M STUDYING THE
BIOCULTURAL RESPONSE

OF 20th-CENTURY
NEANDERTHALS

TO SOLAR
RADIATION.

I THINK SHE'S
TALKING ABOUT ME.

I'VE GOT TO HACK
MY WAY OUT OF HERE, DEB...

NO TIME TO TALK
RIGHT NOW.

TRUTH IS, SHE'S RIGHT...
AMERICANS NOW CONSUME

ABOUT 80 POUNDS OF SUGAR,
APIECE, A YEAR.

FOR CENTURIES, HUMAN ENGINES,
IN THE FORM OF SLAVES,

FED THE MILLS OF BARBADOS,
IN MARTINIQUE, DAY AND NIGHT.

UP TO 25 YEARS AGO,
THE MACHETE

WAS STILL THE HARVESTER'S
TOOL OF CHOICE.

TODAY, HORSEPOWER HAS ALL
BUT ERADICATED MANPOWER

FROM THE FIELDS.

IMMEDIATELY POST HARVEST,
THE CANE IS FED

TO A 9,000-HORSEPOWER
ENGINE OF DESTRUCTION

CALLED A TANDEM,

WHICH WRINGS, SMASHES AND
CHOMPS THE GREAT GRASS,

LIBERATING ITS JUICE,
WHICH AT THIS POINT

LOOKS AND SMELLS MORE LIKE
TIJUANA STREET RUNOFF

THAN SUGAR.

THIS JUICE IS THEN
PERCOLATED THROUGH LIME

AND EMERGES AS A MURKY SYRUP,

WHICH IS THEN FILTERED
AND BOILED REPEATEDLY,

UNTIL IT BECOMES SO
CONCENTRATED

THAT THE RAW SUGAR CRYSTALS
FALL OUT OF THE SOLUTION.

BINGO... YOU'VE GOT
INDUSTRIAL-GRADE SUGAR.

AT THE REFINERY THIS SUGAR
IS CHANGED BACK AND FORTH

FROM SOLID TO PROGRESSIVELY
CONCENTRATED LIQUID PHASES.

EACH OF THESE PHASE CHANGES
REMOVES FURTHER IMPURITIES,

UNTIL 99.9% SUCROSE
REMAINS.

THE FINAL CRYSTALS ARE
SEPARATED FROM THEIR
MOTHER LIQUID

VIA CENTRIFUGE--JUST LIKE
YOUR WASHER'S SPIN CYCLE--

TUMBLE DRIED,
AND THEN PACKED UP

AND SENT TO A GRATEFUL WORLD.

CANDY MAKING IS BASICALLY THE
MANIPULATION OF SUCROSE BY HEAT.

... ARE ALL MADE
POSSIBLE BY THE FACT

THAT BETWEEN 230 DEGREES
AND 350 DEGREES, PLAIN
OLD TABLE SUGAR, SUCROSE,

GOES THROUGH MORE CHANGES THAN
A TEENAGER DURING PROM WEEK.

NOW BESIDES SIMPLE SYRUP,
THERE ARE THE TRADITIONAL

CANDY-MAKING STAGES
WHICH ARE NAMED

FOR HOW INCREASINGLY
CONCENTRATED SYRUPS REACT

WHEN DROPPED INTO ICE WATER...

THAT IS UNTIL YOU GET TO
WHERE WE'RE GOING TODAY,

WHICH IS THE FAR END
OF THE THERMOMETER,

WHERE SUCROSE COMES
APART AT THE SEAMS

AND SWEETNESS GIVES WAY

TO AN EVER-WIDENING COMPLEX
OF FLAVORS AND AROMAS.

NOW SURE, ALL THOSE COOLER
CANDY STAGES HAVE THEIR USES,

AND WE'LL GET TO THOSE
ON ANOTHER SHOW.

BUT TODAY WE'RE TAKING SUCROSE
TO THE EXTREME... CARAMEL.

NOW THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO
GET WHERE WE'RE GOING--

DRY METHOD AND
A WET METHOD.

NOW MELTING SUGAR BY ITSELF
IN A DRY PAN IS SIMPLE,

BUT IT'S SQUIRRELLY TO CONTROL
AND VERY EASY TO BURN.

THE WET METHOD,
ON THE OTHER HAND,

DOES HAVE A TWIST
OR TWO IN IT,

BUT IN THE END, IT'S A LOT
MORE CONTROLLABLE.

NOW THE SOFTWARE IS
PRETTY DARN BASIC--

JUST ENOUGH TABLE SUGAR

TO COME ABOUT 1/4 THE WAY
UP THE SIDE OF THE PAN.

I'VE GOT ABOUT TWO CUPS HERE--

JUST ENOUGH CLEAN WATER TO MAKE
IT THE CONSISTENCY OF WET SAND.

NOW WHEN IN DOUBT, GO WITH
TWO PARTS OF SUGAR, BY WEIGHT,

TO ONE PART OF H2O, BY WEIGHT...

IN WHICH CASE WEIGHT AND
VOLUME ARE THE SAME THING.

NOW BESIDES YOUR HEAVIEST,
OVENPROOF SAUCEPAN,

HARDWARE IS GOING TO INCLUDE...

WHICH IS NEVER GOING
TO TOUCH THIS AGAIN, FOR
A WHILE, AT LEAST...

NOW WHY ALL THIS
CONCENTRATION ON CLEAN?

WELL, IT'S NOT SO MUCH
ABOUT SANITATION

AS IT IS ABOUT
MOLECULAR CONTAMINATION...

BUT MORE ON THAT LATER.

NOW PUT THIS OVER HIGH HEAT.

ONCE THE SUGAR HAS DISSOLVED,
ACCLIMATE YOUR THERMOMETER

WITH A LITTLE HOT WATER,
TO PREVENT THERMAL SHOCK,

THEN CAREFULLY CLIP
IT INTO THE PAN,

MAKING SURE THAT THE
BALL IS SUBMERGED.

NOW GO AHEAD AND LET THE
WATER BOIL... WHY?

WELL, TO GET RID OF IT,
OF COURSE.

AND NO STIRRING, NO SHAKING...

BASICALLY, NO TOUCHING THIS
PAN FOR ABOUT 200 DEGREES.

WHY? WELL, BECAUSE JUST
WHEN THE SUGAR

IS PREPARING TO YIELD
GREATEST TREASURES,

THERE'S DANGER OF FAILURE...
IT'S A SMALL THING REALLY,

BUT THEN OF COURSE THE CHICAGO
FIRE STARTED SMALL TOO.

IN OUR CASE, THE SPECTER...
CRYSTALLIZATION.

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS...
THE POT'S NOW HOT,

THE WATER IS BOILING
OUT, LEAVING THE DISSOLVED
SUGAR BEHIND.

THAT CREATES A
SUPER-SATURATED
SOLUTION,

AND IT'S VERY
VOLATILE.

IF YOU WERE TO JUST SHAKE
THE POT AROUND OR STIR IT

OR HAVE ANY DIRT OR
ANYTHING GRIMY IN THERE,

OR EVEN IF YOU WERE
TO JUST DROP IN

ONE SINGLE ROGUE
CRYSTAL OF SUGAR,
SUGAR!

AND THE ENTIRE POT WOULD
GO KAPUT... DOOH!

CLAMP!

RENDERING NOTHING BUT A
BIG BLOB OF CRYSTALS.

NOW THEY DON'T GET
THIS BIG THAT FAST.

THIS TOOK ABOUT FIVE WEEKS FOR
ME TO GROW IN MY KITCHEN,

BUT YOU GET THE POINT.

NOW THE CULPRIT, AS IS
USUALLY THE CASE,

IS MOLECULES.

MOLECULES ARE...

NOW I'M NOT A GEOLOGIST, I'M
NOT A MOLECULAR CHEMIST,

I'M NOT A FOOD SCIENTIST,
BUT THIS...

SOMEBODY NEEDS TO EXPLAIN THIS.

SHIRLEY, EXPLAIN
YOURSELF.

WHEN YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING
VERY PURE, LIKE TABLE SUGAR,

IT'S 99.9% PURE SUCROSE,

AND YOU'VE EVAPORATED OFF
A LOT OF THE WATER,

AND THOSE MOLECULES ARE
PACKED IN THERE TIGHT
AGAINST EACH OTHER,

AND THEN THEY WILL HOP INTO
PLACE TO FORM A CRYSTAL.

HOW DO WE PREVENT
THIS FROM HAPPENING?

WELL, YOU CAN BE
VERY CAREFUL

AND RINSE DOWN
THE SIDES

AND ALL OF THAT,

BUT THE EASY WAY
OUT IS CHEMICAL.

ADD A SUGAR THAT
IS SIMILAR,

BUT SLIGHTLY
DIFFERENT.

ITS MOLECULE
TRIES TO HOP IN,

AND IT'S THE
WRONG ONE,

AND THE CRYSTAL
SAYS, "NO, NO, NO!"

SO IF THAT ONE
CORNER CAN'T FORM,

THE WHOLE CRYSTAL
IS KAPUT.

THE CRYSTALS
WON'T FORM.

AN IMPURITY, ANOTHER
SUGAR THAT'S SIMILAR

BUT DIFFERENT, IS
GOING TO BE PERFECT.

WHAT KIND OF THING ARE
WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
PLAIN OLD CORN
SYRUP, GLUCOSE.

CORN SYRUP,
LIKE THAT.

YES, YES, JUST
LIKE THAT.

ALL YOU NEED IS
ABOUT A TABLESPOON,

AND THEN THAT WILL
PREVENT THE WHOLE POT

FROM CRYSTALLIZING.
SO WHAT WE'VE GOT

IS A SITUATION WHERE
PURITY IS BACKFIRING
ON US,

AND THE ONLY WAY TO
FIX IT IS WITH AN
IMPURITY.
EXACTLY.

AND A TABLESPOON
WILL TAKE CARE
OF MY WHOLE POT.

THAT'S RIGHT.
THANKS, SHIRLEY,
I LOVE IT.

NOW IF YOU FIND YOURSELF
VICTIMIZED BY CRYSTALLIZATION,

DO NOT DESPAIR... YOU DON'T HAVE
TO THROW OUT THE WHOLE POT,

BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO...

WHICH IS GOING TO TAKE A
LITTLE BIT OF TIME.

BUT TAKE OUT A LITTLE
INSURANCE THIS TIME,

WITH A COUPLE OF TEASPOONS
OR A TABLESPOON OF CORN SYRUP.

AS THE WATER COOKS OUT
OF OUR POT OF SUGAR,

IT'S A GOOD TIME TO
PREPARE FOR PHASE TWO,

EXTRA HARDWARE...

TWO BAKING SHEETS
TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN,

OR ANY OTHER LEVEL
HEAT-PROOF PLATFORMS,

AND TWO PIECES OF
PARCHMENT PAPER.

PRETTY MYSTERIOUS, HUH?

NOW AS WE NEAR THE
300-DEGREE LINE,

PREPARE TO LEAVE THE WORLD
OF SUCROSE BEHIND.

SEE, AT 320 DEGREES, WITH
ALL THE WATER COOKED AWAY,

THE SUCROSE MELTS, MOLECULARLY
FORMING SMALLER SUGARS--

128 OF THEM, TO BE CORRECT.

NOW JUST UNDER 340 DEGREES, THE
SUBSTANCE THAT WAS SUCROSE

IS CHANGED ENOUGH THAT THE
COLOR ACTUALLY TURNS

FROM CRYSTAL CLEAR
TO LIGHT GOLD,

THEN IT MOVES ON TO
AMBER, THEN MAHOGANY,

BEYOND THAT, LE BLACK, WHICH IS
DEFINITELY OVERCARAMELIZED.

EVEN WITHOUT A THERMOMETER,

YOU'LL KNOW WHEN THE
BIG "C" IS COMING.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS...

BUBBLES HAVE SLOWED DOWN,
AND THEY'RE STACKING UP
ON EACH OTHER.

THAT IS A SURE SIGN THAT
THE WATER IS ALMOST GONE,

AND THE SUGAR IS MOLTEN.

NOW WITHOUT SUGAR AROUND
TO PROVIDE A MEDIUM,

CRYSTALLIZATION IS NO
LONGER A DANGER,

SO STIRRING, OR AT LEAST
GENTLE AGITATION, IS OKAY.

IN FACT, AS THE SUGAR
DARKENS IN THE PAN,

IT'S DOWNRIGHT CRITICAL.

SEE, WITHOUT SOME MOVEMENT,

POCKETS OF SUGAR WILL
OVERHEAT AND BURN

BEFORE OTHERS EVEN
START TO BROWN.

SO GENTLY ROTATE THE
PAN TO EVEN OUT THE HEAT...

CAREFULLY, PLEASE!

PASTRY CHEFS DON'T CALL THIS
STUFF NAPALM FOR NOTHING.

NOW OF COURSE, AT THIS
POINT, YOU COULD STIR IN

A COUPLE OF HANDFULS OF
TOASTED ALMONDS

AND SPREAD IT OUT ONTO A
WELL-GREASED COOKIE SHEET,
ABOUT 1/4 INCH THICK,

AND LET IT SIT, AND YOU'D
HAVE ALMOND BRITTLE.

NOW ONCE THE SUGAR HITS
A TRUE AMBER COLOR,

AROUND 340 DEGREES,
REMOVE IT FROM THE HEAT

AND LET IT COOL DOWN,
SLOWLY.

JUST MOVE YOUR SPOON BACK AND
FORTH THROUGH THIS LAVA FLOW.

IF YOU STIR QUICKLY,
YOU'LL WORK IN AIR,

WHICH WILL CLOUD THE
CANDY... SO GO SLOW.

AND EVERY FEW STROKES,
STOP AND LIFT THE SPOON--

JUST LET SOME OF THE
SUGAR RUN OFF.

NOW IF IT FALLS IN DROPS, THE
SUGAR IS TOO HOT TO WORK WITH.

KEEP STIRRING AND CHECKING
UNTIL
IT FALLS IN A SOLID STREAM.

THERE, YOU SEE THAT
CONTINUOUS STRING?

IT'S LIKE A SOLID PIECE OF
SUGAR
ALL THE WAY DOWN INTO THE POT.

THAT'S WHAT TELLS YOU
THAT IT'S DOODAD TIME.

NOW WHAT IS A DOODAD, EXACTLY?

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY IT'S A
FREEFORM SPIROGRAPH OF CANDY.

NOW THE IDEA IS TO
CREATE A STRING OF SUGAR

AND KIND OF PILE IT UP
ON THE PAPER,

USING QUICK, TIGHT
WRIST MOVEMENTS.

NOW THIS IS GOING TO TAKE
A LITTLE PLAYING WITH,

BUT PLAYING WITH FOOD IS FUN.

HEY, COST OF A POUND OR TWO OF
SUGAR IS A CHEAP PRICE TO PAY

FOR IMPRESSING THE HECK
OUT OF THE NEIGHBORS.

I USUALLY GO WITH
TIGHT ATOMIC CIRCLES,

OR BACK-AND-FORTH
CROSSHATCHING.

JUST REMEMBER, THE FURTHER YOU
HOLD THE SPOON OFF THE PAPER,

THE WIDER THE PATTERN WILL BE.

SEE HOW THAT STRING
STAYS TOGETHER?

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
WE'RE LOOKING FOR,

AND THINNER IS BETTER.

NOW ONCE YOUR DONE PLAYING
JACKSON POLLOCK,

LET THESE SIT FOR
10 OR 15 MINUTES,

THEN JUST PEEL THE PAPER
OFF THE DOODAD.

AS FAR AS SHORT-TERM
STORAGE GOES,

JUST STACK THESE BETWEEN
SHEETS OF WAX PAPER

AND SEAL THEM IN AN AIRTIGHT
CONTAINER OF YOUR CHOICE.

BUT IF IT'S A HUMID
DAY OUTSIDE,

THESE CANDIES ARE GOING TO GO
GUMMY WITHIN 24 HOURS,

SO DON'T MAKE MORE THAN
YOU REALLY NEED.

AND THE OTHER THING IS THAT,

WELL, WE NEED THE REST OF THIS
SUGAR FOR SOMETHING ELSE.

NOW THIS SUGAR IS DUE
FOR YET MORE ABUSE,

SO BACK ON THE HEAT--
MEDIUM-HIGH THAT IS.

NOW WE'RE HEADED TO THE
ONE DESSERT SAUCE

THAT CAN TRULY CAPTURE

ALL THE DEEP, DARK COMPLEX
FLAVORS OF NATURE

ON THE EDGE OF
ANNIHILATION... CARAMEL.

AND IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
PRETTY QUICK,

SO MAKE SURE THAT YOU'VE
GOT A CONTAINER OF COLD CREAM

THAT EQUALS IN VOLUME THE
AMOUNT OF SUGAR YOU HAVE.

IF YOU STARTED WITH
TWO CUPS OF SUGAR

AND DIDN'T MAKE DOODADS, THEN
YOU'D HAVE TWO CUPS OF CREAM.

JUST KIND OF EYEBALL IT...
IF YOU'VE GOT, YOU THINK,

ABOUT A CUP IN THERE,
THEN A CUP OF CREAM.

IF YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE MORE
SUGAR THAN CREAM,

THAT'S OKAY.

NOW PUSHING SUGAR TO THE
LIMIT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH SKILL,

BUT NERVES OF STEEL ARE A PLUS,

BECAUSE BASICALLY, YOU'RE
PLAYING CHICKEN WITH THE SUGAR.

YOU SEE, YOU WANT IT DARK,
REALLY DARK,

'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE
ROASTY, TOASTY FLAVORS ARE.

BUT THINGS ARE
MOVING SO FAST NOW

(phone ringing)
THAT IF YOU ANSWER THE PHONE,
YELL AT THE DOG,
(dog barking)

SEE WHO'S AT THE DOOR,
(knocking)

STOP TO TAKE A PICTURE
OF THAT UFO,

OR BRUSH THAT TARANTULA
FROM YOUR SHOULDER,
(screaming)

YOU COULD END UP WITH A
PAN LOAD OF CARBON.

NOW IT'S GETTING DARKER...

DARKER...

BUT WAIT... WAIT...
DON'T LOOK AT THE UFO

WAIT...

THEN THE INSTANT YOU SEE
WISPS OF SMOKE

COMING FROM THE SURFACE OF
THE POT, YOU GO TO ACTION--

REMOVING IT FROM THE HEAT--
AND AT ARMS LENGTH,

DUMPING IN YOUR CREAM.

WHAT A RUSH!

NOW PUT THIS BACK OVER
MEDIUM-HIGH HEAT,

AND JUST LET IT BOIL--
AS IF IT HAS A CHOICE--

FOR ABOUT THREE MINUTES,
STIRRING OCCASIONALLY.

IN THE END, YOU'RE
GOING TO BE REWARDED

WITH A BITTERSWEET SAUCE THAT,

WELL, IF GIVEN TIME
WOULD LAST FOR WEEKS...

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

ODDS ARE, IT WON'T
LAST THAT LONG.

THERE YOU GO... JUST LET
IT COOK, JUST LIKE THAT.

NOW FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
ARE BIG BRûLéE FANS,

HERE'S A WAY TO EVEN
QUICKER SUGAR DESTRUCTION.

COME TO THINK OF IT, IT'S NOT
TOO EASY ON BANANAS, EITHER.

I PICKED THIS ONE UP DURING
METAL SHOP, IN HIGH SCHOOL.

IT'S LIKE MEDIEVAL
BANANAS FOSTER,

WITH A TWIST!

JUST MOVE THE TORCH FLAME BACK
AND FORTH ACROSS THE SUGAR.

YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY
IN ONE PLACE TOO LONG,

OR YOU'LL BURN STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE BANANA

AND INTO THE FOIL YOU'VE
HOPEFULLY PLACED UNDERNEATH
YOUR RACK.

AS SOON AS THE SUGAR BROWNS AND
BUBBLES, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON.

NOW FOR THE TRUE TEST.
(tap, tap, tap)

EXCELLENT... OF COURSE,
IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT

TO MAKE BANANAS BRûLéE WITHOUT
MAKING BANANAS-BRûLéE SPLITS.

NOW BANANA SPLIT CONSTRUCTION
IS SERIOUS BUSINESS,

NOT TO BE UNDERTAKEN WITHOUT
A GOOD FOUNDATION.

LUCKILY, WE JUST MADE ONE...
A CARAMEL SAUCE.

OF COURSE, IT'S BEEN COOLED
DOWN A LITTLE BIT.

NOW JUST SMEAR IT RIGHT
OUT ON THE PLATE.

NOT ONLY WITH IT PROVIDE
GREAT SOPPAGE, FOR LATER ON,

BUT IT WILL ALSO PROVIDE A NICE
FOUNDATION FOR THE BANANAS,

WHICH ARE THE NEXT STEP.

NOW ANYBODY'S WHO'S PLAYED
WITH LINCOLN LOGS

HAS ALREADY GOT THIS DOWN--

JUST LAY THEM TOGETHER,
TWO BY TWO.

THE SAUCE IS GOING TO
HOLD THOSE TOGETHER.

NOW THE NEXT STEP IS A GOOD
SCOOP OF ICE CREAM.

NOW WE LIKE THE PEACH-LACED
VANILLA ICE CREAM

THAT WE MADE IN OUR SHOW
"CHURN BABY CHURN."

YOU CAN GET THE RECEIPT AT...

BUT ANY ICE CREAM THAT YOU
REALLY LIKE, YOU CAN USE.

ALL YOU REALLY NEED IS
JUST ONE SCOOP,

RIGHT HERE, IN THE MIDDLE.

PERFECT!

NOW TIME FOR THE LE DOODAD,

THE PIèCE DE RéSISTANCE--
A LITTLE FILIGREE OF
GOSSAMER LOVE THERE--

AND I JUST USUALLY LAY IT OVER,

KIND OF LIKE A LITTLE HAT,
A CHAPEAU.

NOW GRANTED, THIS
DOESN'T LOOK A WHOLE LOT

LIKE THE BANANA SPLIT
OF YOUR YOUTH.

SO SINCE YOU'RE FEELING
NOSTALGIC,

WE'LL GO JUST ONE OF THESE.

BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
FIGURE OUT WHERE TO PUT IT.

THERE YOU GO.

IN A WORLD RIFE WITH
IMITATION DESSERTS,

THIS IS A BEACON OF DEFIANCE--

A TOWERING TRIBUTE TO THE
CULINARY POWER OF SUGAR.

WHAT! DR. SKARITUTH!

NOW SINCE YOU WOULDN'T
COME TO ME,

I MUST COME
TO THEE!

THE OFFICE,
WELL, YOU KNOW, I REALLY
DID MEAN TO MAKE IT BY

BUT WITH MY
SCHEDULE...
BETTER SHUT
YOUR PIE HOLE!

NOW TELL ME,
IS IT SAFE?

TO DO WHAT?
I'M GOING TO ASK
YOU ONE MORE TIME--

OPEN--IS IT SAFE?
(mumbling)
SAFE FOR WHAT!?

SEE THAT DESSERT,
YOU DOPE! IS IT
SAFE FOR YOUR TEETH?

I DON'T KNOW!
YOU DIDN'T THINK
ABOUT YOUR TEETH,
DID YOU?

NO, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THEM?

THAT'S AN EXCELLENT
QUESTION.

NOW YOU SEE, THE BACTERIA
IN PLAQUE LOVES SUGAR.

AND THE WEE BUGS CAN TURN
THE SUGAR INTO ACID.

AND THE ACID EATS YOUR
TEETH, AND YOU GET CAVITIES.

AND I HAVE TO DO
THINGS LIKE THIS!

AHHHHH!

NOW LUCKY FOR YOU, THE
AMOUNT OF DAMAGE DEPENDS

ON HOW LONG THE SUGAR
STAYS ON THE TEETH.

LOOK AT HOW MUCH IS
CONSUMED... THAT SUGAR
BOMB YOU'VE GOT THERE

WILL DO LESS DAMAGE THAN A
COOKIE CONTAINING STARCH,

BECAUSE THE STARCH HOLDS
SUGAR TO THE TEETH LIKE GLUE.

GREAT NEWS, THANKS FOR
THE INFO, DOC...

WELL, BESIDES SETTING THE CAUSE
OF MODERN DENTISTRY BACK ABOUT,

OH, I DON'T KNOW,
300 HUNDRED YEARS!

I HOPE WE'VE INSPIRED YOU TO
RE-PONDER OUR FAVORITE DESSERT,

"CITIZEN CANE" SUGAR...
HA-HA... THAT'S A...

ALL YOU REALLY NEED
IS A LITTLE SUGAR,

A LITTLE HEAT, AND A
LITTLE TIME TO PLAY.

CAN I GO NOW?
NO!

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING
UNTIL WE FLOSS.

(laughing)