Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 14, Episode 15 - Devil of a Cake - full transcript

(announcer)
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BOYS AND GIRLS...

"IT'S TIME TO ANNOUNCE
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER

"IN THE BIG CAKE BAKE-OFF.

"FOR THE FIFTH YEAR IN A ROW,
THE WINNER IS...

"MISS ELLIE ELLISON."

(clapping)

WELL, MISS ELLIE,
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.

MISS ELLIE, CARE TO SHARE
YOUR SECRETS WITH OUR READERS?

OH, IT'S JUST A SIMPLE
ANGEL FOOD CAKE,
NOTHING FANCY, REALLY.

THIS CAKE IS FIT FOR ANGELS,
AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME.

SO LIGHT.
SO SWEET.



(both)
SO DIVINE.

MISS ELLIE, CAN I TROUBLE
YOU OUTSIDE FOR A PHOTO--
IT'S FOR THE PAPER.

A PHOTO, FOR THE PAPER, OF ME?
IF YOU INSIST.

EVERY YEAR I BAKE MY BEST
CHOCOLATE CAKE,

AND EVERY YEAR, THAT LITTLE
MISS ELLIE MCPERFECT

STEALS MY RIBBON.

WHY I'D DO ANYTHING
JUST TO BEAT HER ONCE.

WHAT WAS THAT MISSY?

WHY I SAID I'D DO ANYTHING
TO BAKE A CAKE TO BEAT

ELLIE'S ANGEL FOOD CAKE.

OH, ANGELS, WRETCHED CREATURES,
ALL THOSE FEATHERS.

PERHAPS I COULD INTEREST YOU
IN A PARTICULAR FAVORITE
RECIPE OF MINE?

RECIPE?
OH YES.

SHOW ME.
OH, THIS WAY, MY DEAR.



(evil laughter)

(announcer)
"AND THIS YEAR'S BIG CAKE
WINNER IS...

PRUDENCE PENDERGRASS.

(clapping)

MISS PRUDENCE, YOUR CAKE
IS SO DECADENT...

SO DELICIOUS.

(both)
SO DELECTABLE.

MISS PRUDENCE, WHAT DO
YOU CALL THAT CAKE?

WHY...

DEVIL'S FOOD, OF COURSE.

NOT TO MENTION...

♪♪

DO I REALLY BELIEVE
THAT THE DEEP, MOIST,
CHOCOLATEY CAKE

KNOWN AS "DEVIL'S FOOD"
WAS REALLY HANDED OVER
TO A JEALOUS COOK

IN EXCHANGE FOR HER
IMMORTAL SOUL?

PROBABLY NOT --
I MEAN, THE MONIKER
"DEVIL'S FOOD,"

IS SIMPLY A TESTAMENT TO
THE CAKE'S SINFULLY RICH NATURE,

JET BLACK CHOCOLATEY SOUL,
AND THE FACT THAT IT IS
DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED

TO THE ANGEL FOOD CAKE,
WHICH IS NEITHER RICH,

NOR CHOCOLATEY, NOR SINFUL.

BY TODAY'S STANDARDS, HOWEVER,

MOST DEVIL'S FOOD CAKES
AREN'T EITHER,

WHICH IS WHY THE DEVIL
HAS TAKE REFUGE IN BOX CAKES

PACKED WITH HIGHLY SPECIALIZED
INDUSTRIAL COMPONENTS,

ASSEMBLED VIA SCIENTIFICALLY
CALCULATED FORMULAE.

OH-OH, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.

NOW YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT
YOUR OWN CAKE MIX,
WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN.

I'VE HELPED PLENTY OF OTHERS,
HMM?

OH-UH, YOU SOUND LIKE MY AGENT.

NO, I WILL NOT SUCCUMB
TO THE SIREN SONG OF THE BOX

AS LONG AS THE SHINING LIGHT
OF SCIENCE

CAN DELIVER THE DARK, DENSE
DELIGHT THAT I DESIRE.

WHATEVER.

WHATEVER.
(clears throat)

LET'S BEGIN BY EXAMINING
A ONCE-POPULAR RECIPE,
SHALL WE?

PASSED AROUND LIKE THE FLU
FROM 1953 TO 1954,

THIS DEVIL'S FOOD RECIPE
WAS OBVIOUSLY WRITTEN BY SOMEONE

ATTEMPTING TO JUST SHOEHORN
CHOCOLATE INTO AN EXISTING
LAYER CAKE RECIPE.

NOTICE THE USE OF SOLID
CHOCOLATE,

SOLID FAT,
AND MILK.

IT'S ASSEMBLED VIA
THE CREAMING METHOD,

WHEREIN THE SOLID FAT
AND SUGAR ARE BEATEN TOGETHER,

BEFORE THE DRY AND WET
COMPONENTS ARE ADDED-- CURIOUS.

IT WILL INDEED, MAKE A CAKE,

BUT, WILL IT BE MOIST,
DARK AND CHOCOLATEY?

I THINK NOT.

I'M NOT EATIN'
ANY MORE OF THAT.

NOT WORTH THE CALORIES.

I HAVE TO SAY I AGREE WITH HIM.

BOTH THE PARTS LIST
AND THE PROCEDURE

ARE FATALLY FLAWED.
(groans)

WE CAN DO BETTER, FROM SCRATCH.

FIRST, POSITION A RACK
IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OVEN
SET FOR...

THEN, PREP YOUR PAN.

ALTHOUGH LAYERS
ARE CERTAINLY NICE,

TO ME, DEVIL'S FOOD MEANS
A RECTANGLE.

SO LUBE UP A 13x9 BAKING PAN

AND THEN LAYER IT WITH ONE
SHEET OF PARCHMENT PAPER,

AND THEN GO AHEAD
AND LUBE THAT UP AS WELL,

BECAUSE THE BATTER TO COME
IS GOING TO BE STICKY STUFF
INDEED.

ALL RIGHT, TIME TO FACE
THE SOFTWARE,

STARTING WITH THE DEFINING
ELEMENT OF THIS CAKE, WHICH,
OF COURSE, IS CHOCOLATE.

NOW, IF YOU REMEMBER THE EARLY
RECIPE THAT WE WERE EXAMINING,

UH, CALLS FOR SOLID BAKING
CHOCOLATE, UNSWEETENED,

WHICH I AM GOING TO EXCHANGE
FOR COCOA POWDER.

WHY? I MEAN, THEY'RE BOTH
BORN OF THE SAME SEED, RIGHT?

WELL THAT'S COMPLETELY TRUE,

THE COCOA SEEDS ARE OF COURSE
AGED AND HULLED,

RESULTING IN COCOA NIBS,
WHICH ARE GROUND TO PRODUCE

COCOA LIQUOR-- NO BOOZE THERE--

WHICH IS SOLIDIFIED INTO,
OF COURSE, BAKING CHOCOLATE.

NOW THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THIS STUFF,

BUT OVER 60 PERCENT OF THIS MASS
IS A NEARLY FLAVORLESS FAT

CALLED COCOA BUTTER,

WHICH IS SOLID AT ROOM
TEMPERATURE.

AND THIS CAKE JUST
DOESN'T NEED THAT.

LUCKILY, THERE IS A SOLUTION.

IF THE COCOA LIQUOR IN QUESTION
IS PLACED INTO A PRESS

LIKE THE ONE INVENTED BY
DUTCHMAN CONRAD VAN HOUTEN

IN 1828, AND PERFECTED IN MY
GARAGE JUST LAST WEEK,

THE UH, COCOA SOLIDS
AND BUTTER

CAN BE SEPARATED
FROM EACH OTHER.

ALL RIGHT, NOW HERE IS THE COCOA
BUTTER, WHICH I'LL SELL
TO THE COSMETICS INDUSTRY,

HERE IS NATURAL COCOA POWDER,
WHICH IS REDDISH BROWN,

RATHER ACIDIC, AND KIND OF
FRUITY TASTING, TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH,

AND, IT'S NOT VERY EASILY
DISSOLVED IN WATER,

A FACT WHICH DISTRESSED
OLD MAN VAN HOUTEN

BECAUSE HE'D GONE TO ALL
THIS TROUBLE JUST FOR A CUP
OF COCOA.

WISELY HYPOTHESIZING
THAT THE ISSUE WAS ACIDITY,

HE TREATED A BUNCH OF NIBS
WITH AN ALKALINE SOLUTION

BEFORE PRESSING, THUS INVENTING
DUTCH PROCESS COCOA,

WHICH DOES DISPERSE IN WATER.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT, NOTICE...

DUTCH PROCESS COCOA IS MUCH
DARKER THAN REGULAR COCOA

AND IN BAKED GOODS IT TASTES
MORE CHOCOLATEY

BECAUSE THE ACIDIC, FRUITY
COMPOUNDS HAVE BEEN SUBDUED.

ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE SETTLED
ON A BEST DEVIL'S FOOD
COCOA POWDER FOR THE JOB,

BUT IF WE REALLY WANT TO
MAXIMIZE THE FLAVOR

WE SHOULD BLOOM IT PRIOR
TO BUILDING THE BATTER

IN A CUP OF BOILING WATER.

NOW IT MAY SEEM LIKE
AN ODD STEP, BUT KEEP IN MIND

THAT COCOA'S A BEAN, LIKE
COFFEE-- YOU HAVE TO BREW
COFFEE,
DON'T YA?

ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT THE REST OF THE ORIGINAL
SOFTWARE.

IT CALLED FOR 2 1/2 CUPS
OF ALL PURPOSE FLOUR--

THAT WOULD CERTAINLY MAKE
A STRONG CAKE,

BUT IF WE WANT
A TENDER, MOIST CAKE,

WE WOULD BE BETTER SERVED
BY SUBSTITUTING PART OF THAT
WITH CAKE FLOUR,

WHICH IS LOWER IN PROTEIN
AND ALSO MORE ABSORBENT,

DUE TO THE CHLORINE USED FOR
BLEACHING.

SO I'M GOING TO GO WITH...

LEAVENING, UH, THE ORIGINAL CAKE
CALLED FOR 4 TEASPOONS OF BAKING
POWDER,

KEEP IN MIND THAT'S A BALANCED
COMBINATION OF BAKING SODA
AND TARTARIC ACID,

A BASE AND AN ACID,
WHICH, WHEN WET,

GIVE UP CONSIDERABLE
AMOUNTS OF CARBON DIOXIDE.

BY SEEING THIS IN THE RECIPE,
WE KNOW THERE ARE NO OTHER
ACIDIC INGREDIENTS INVOLVED,

THAT MAY CHANGE,
SO WE'LL COME BACK.

AS FOR THE FAT--

BUTTER-- TASTY STUFF, YES--

BUT IT'S NOT ESPECIALLY MOIST,
SEEING AS HOW IT'S SOLID
AT ROOM TEMPERATURE.

IF DEEP, DARK MOISTURE
IS REQUIRED, AND WE KNOW IT IS,

WE WOULD BE BETTER OFF
REPLACING THAT WITH
PLAIN OLD VEGETABLE OIL,

WHICH ISN'T TECHNICALLY MOIST,
BUT IT CERTAINLY PLAYS MOIST
IN THE MOUTH.

ALL RIGHT, WITH BUTTER OUT OF
THE WAY MEANS WE'RE NOT

GOING TO NEED THE CREAMING
METHOD, SO WE CAN DUMP SOME
OF THIS SUGAR.

I'M GOING TO REPLACE TWO CUPS
OF WHITE SUGAR WITH JUST...

WHICH IS ACTUALLY MORE
HYGROSCOPIC, OR WATER-LOVING,

BECAUSE OF THE MOLASSES
THAT COATS IT, AND OF COURSE,

THAT WILL ALSO HEIGHTEN
THE CHOCOLATE FLAVOR.

NEXT UP, A CUP OF THE CLASSIC
AMERICAN CAKE LIQUID WAS CALLED
FOR--MILK--

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
IT ACTUALLY COVERS UP,
CRUSHES CHOCOLATEY GOODNESS,

SO WE'RE GONNA TRADE IT
FOR WATER, WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS

TO ALREADY BE DOWN WITH
THE COCOA POWDER.

ALL RIGHT, THAT BRINGS US
TO EGGS--

THE ORIGINAL CALLED FOR
FOUR WHOLE EGGS, AND YES,
WE DO NEED SOME EGGS,

THEY PROVIDE A LOT OF STRUCTURE,

BUT WE DON'T NEED WHOLE,
BECAUSE WHITES ARE DRYING
AGENTS,

SO I'M GONNA GO WITH...

LET'S SEE, AS FAR AS FLAVORANTS,

THE ORIGINAL CALLED FOR VANILLA,
A TEASPOON,

I DON'T THINK WE NEED IT,
BUT I DO THINK WE NEED...

TO ENHANCE THE CHOCOLATEY-NESS,

AND, I THINK, TO UP THE FLAVOR
A LITTLE MORE...

WHICH WILL ALSO DELIVER

A PLEASANT, ACIDIC TWANG--

ALL RIGHT, ACIDS.

NOW THAT THERE'S AN ACIDIC
INGREDIENT, WE CAN GO BACK
TO THE LEAVENING,

WE CAN DUMP THE BAKING POWDER,
AND GO WITH JUST...

WHICH, IF MY CALCULATIONS
ARE CORRECT,

WILL GIVE US THE BALANCE
OF ACID AND BASE THAT WE NEED

FOR OPTIMUM CO2 RELEASE
AND LEAVENING.

NOW, SINCE WE HAVE RID OURSELVES
OF THE SOLID BUTTER,

WE DON'T NEED THE CREAMING
METHOD ANYMORE,

IN FACT, WE WILL ASSEMBLE
VIA THE MUFFIN METHOD,

WHICH MEANS ALL THE LIQUIDS
WILL GO INTO ONE BOWL,

ALL THE DRIES WILL GO
INTO ANOTHER AND THEN,
WE WILL VISIT THE MIXER.

ACTUALLY, WE'LL VISIT THE MIXER
RIGHT NOW.

UH, JUST INSTALL THE PADDLE
ATTACHMENT,

BEAT THE DRY INGREDIENTS
TO COMBINE,

AND THEN SLOWLY WORK IN
THE WET TEAM UNTIL YOU HAVE

A NICE, SMOOTH BATTER--

SHOULDN'T TAKE MORE THAN
30 TO 40 SECONDS, TOPS.

THERE, PERFECT.

AND IF IT HAS A FEW LUMPS IN IT,
EH, NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

MOVE THE BATTER TO THE PREPPED
PAN AND BAKE 30 TO 35 MINUTES

OR UNTIL THE CAKE FEELS SPRINGY
AND REACHES AN INTERNAL
TEMPERATURE

OF 205 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT.

MEANWHILE, FROSTING.

MOST AMERICAN CAKES
ARE EITHER DRESSED IN
A BOILED 7-MINUTE FROSTING,

OR SOME FORM OF BUTTERCREAM,
THE MAIN INGREDIENTS OF WHICH

ARE TYPICALLY BUTTER
AND POWDERED SUGAR.

NOW THE SUGAR IS FINE ENOUGH
TO DISSOLVE IN THE SMALL AMOUNT

OF WATER FOUND IN THE BUTTER,
AND IT CONTAINS CORNSTARCH,

WHICH HELPS TO KEEP
THE FROSTING STABLE--

IT IS ESSENTIALLY
AN EMULSION AFTER ALL.

NOW SINCE IT EASILY INTEGRATES
WITH FAT,

THIS IS THE PERFECT VEHICLE
FOR A SOLID CHOCOLATE
TO JOIN THE PARTY.

NOW I KNOW I SAID NOT TO USE
IT IN THE CAKE,

BUT WE WANT THE CAKE
MOIST AND TENDER.

THE FROSTING, HOWEVER,
NEEDS TO BE A LITTLE ON
THE STIFF SIDE,

OR IT'LL JUST OOZE RIGHT OFF
THE SIDE OF THE CAKE,

AND THAT IS NEVER GOOD EATS.

SO WE'RE GONNA GO WITH...

ALTHOUGH COOK TIME WILL DEPEND
ON MAKE AND MODEL,

I WOULD PLAN ON
1 1/2 MINUTES ON HIGH TO MELT,

AND THEN COOL FOR 10 MINUTES.

MEANWHILE START WITH...

IN THE WORK BOWL OF
YOUR STAND MIXER,

AND ADD...

SLAP ON THE PADDLE
AND BEAT ON HIGH

FOR 3 TO 4 MINUTES,
OR UNTIL FLUFFY.

NOW THE MAYO'S IMPORTANT
BECAUSE IT'S AN EMULSION,

IT CAN HELP TO KEEP OUR
FROSTING SMOOTH,

AND SINCE IT'S SOFT, EVEN AT
REFRIGERATOR TEMPERATURES,

IT CAN HELP TO KEEP OUR FROSTING
SOFT IN THE FRIDGE AS WELL.

NOW WHEN THAT IS CREAMY,
DROP THE SPEED TO LOW

AND INTRODUCE THE CHOCOLATE--
NOW IT'S PRETTY THICK STUFF
EVEN THOUGH IT'S MELTED,

SO IT'S GONNA TAKE
A FEW MINUTES TO WORK INTO
THE LIGHTER MIXTURE.

NOW, HERE COMES...

WE'RE GONNA DO THIS IN
THREE TO FOUR ADDITIONS,

BECAUSE IF YOU DUMP IT IN
ALL AT ONCE
AND TURN ON THE MACHINE,

YOU'LL JUST FILL THE KITCHEN
WITH WHITE POWDER,

SO SLOWLY WORK IT IN
A BATCH AT A TIME.

HERE'S THE SECOND ONE--
AND I ALWAYS USE A PAPER PLATE
FOR THIS--

IT'S EASIER THAN TRYING TO DOSE
IT OUT STRAIGHT FROM A BOWL.

THERE, AGAIN ON LOW SPEED.

WHEN THE FINAL BATCH GOES IN,
ADD JUST A PINCH OF KOSHER SALT.

I ALWAYS USE THAT WHEN
I'M USING CHOCOLATE.

ONCE THIS FINAL BATCH
IS WORKED IN, GO AHEAD
AND PUT THE SPURS TO THE MIXER,

AND BEAT IT ON HIGH
FOR 2 TO 3 MINUTES,

UNTIL THE FROSTING LOOKS
PRETTY MUCH LIKE THAT.

PERFECT--LIGHT IN COLOR
SO WE GOT PLENTY OF AIR IN IT,

CREAMY, CHOCOLATEY, DELICIOUS.

AH, THERE WE HAVE IT KIDS,
DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE...

DARK, DECADENT,
AND DEVILISHLY DELICIOUS.

HEY.
MMM!

MMM.

DEVIL OF A CAKE...

IF I SAY SO MYSELF.

AND SO WE SEE ONCE AGAIN
THAT GOOD EATS TRIUMPHS
OVER EVIL.

OH BOTHER.

MISS PRUDENCE, WHAT DO YOU
CALL THAT CAKE?

WHY DEVIL'S FOOD, OF COURSE.

OH, JUST YOU WAIT,
PRECIOUS PRUDENCE,

COME NEXT YEAR,
I'LL BEAT YOUR DEVIL'S CAKE...

SOMEHOW, SOME WAY,
I'LL CRUSH YOU.

(indistinct whispering)

WELL, MISS ELLIE,
YOU'RE BACK ON TOP.
AND THEN SOME.

MISS ELLIE, WHAT DO YOU
CALL THIS MAGNIFICENT CREATION?

WELL, I CALL IT
RED DEVIL'S CAKE.

A CHOCOLATEY CAKE,
YET RED.

DID MISS ELLIE TRADE HER SOUL
FOR CAKEY BLACK MAGIC?

OF COURSE NOT,
DESPITE WHAT HE TOLD HER,

THE ANSWER IS A SIMPLE MATTER
OF SCIENTIFIC DETAIL.

AND I AM SO IN THE DETAILS.

YES, OF COURSE.

TRADING OUT
DUTCH PROCESS COCOA

FOR NATURAL COCOA,
AND UPPING THE ACIDITY
OF THE BATTER

WITH BOTH BUTTERMILK
AND VINEGAR

AFFECTS ANTHOCYANIN COMPOUNDS
IN THE COCOA,

A FAMILY OF ANTIOXIDANT PIGMENTS
ALSO FOUND IN RED CABBAGE.

NOW, AS YOU MAY RECALL
FROM AN EARLIER EPISODE,

RED CABBAGE BOILED IN WATER
WITH BAKING SODA

TENDS TO TURN BLUISH,

WHILE COOKING THE SAME CABBAGE
WITH AN ACID KEEPS IT
BRIGHT RED.

THE SAME EFFECT,
GRANTED ON A SMALLER SCALE,

WORKS IN A COCOA-FLAVORED CAKE,
TURNING WHAT WAS ONCE DARK,
DARK RED.

OF COURSE, RED VELVET CAKE
IS MORE REFINED,

IT HAS A FINER TOOTH
THAN DEVIL'S FOOD, SO WE'RE
GONNA GO BACK TO USING BUTTER,

AND THEREFORE
THE CREAMING METHOD,

AND WE'RE ALSO GOING TO ADD
A BIT OF VANILLA.

OTHER THAN THAT, IT'S VERY
CLOSE TO THE SAME CAKE--
LET'S BAKE!

NOW, WE NEED THE FAT TO BE
PLASTIC ENOUGH FOR THE SUGAR

TO BE ABLE TO PUNCH LITTLE
HOLES IN IT-- THAT'S WHERE
THE ACTUAL TEXTURE OF THE CAKE

COMES FROM AND THAT IS RELATIVE
TO TEMPERATURE SO...

YOU MAY WANT TO ACTUALLY USE
A THERMOMETER TO MAKE SURE

YOU ARE, EH WE'LL SAY,
BETWEEN 68 AND 72 DEGREES.

REMEMBER IF THE BUTTER IS MUCH
WARMER THAN THAT, THE BATTER
WILL NOT CREAM PROPERLY.

SO THAT GOES IN WITH
THE SUGAR AND CREAM THIS WITH

THE PADDLE ATTACHMENT
FOR ABOUT 2 MINUTES ON MEDIUM.

NOW WHILE THAT'S WORKING
WE CAN PREP OUR PANS--

I HAVE HERE TWO 9-INCH
ALUMINUM CAKE PANS--

THEY WILL NEED PARCHMENT LINERS.

TO PRODUCE PERFECT ROUNDS,
WE EMPLOY THE FAN-FOLD METHOD.

IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE...
TWO SHEETS, FOLDED OVER HALFWAY,

FOLD THAT OVER AGAIN
TO CREATE QUARTERS,

AND THEN FOLD DIAGONALLY,

AND THEN AGAIN DIAGONALLY,

AND THEN MEASURE FROM
THE CENTER OF THE PAN

AND SNIP WITH SCISSORS.

LUBE UP THE PANS AND APPLY
THE PERFECT ROUNDS.

THERE NOW WE RETURN TO
THE BATTER--

THE CREAMING IS PRETTY MUCH DONE
SO KILL THE SPEED,

AND SCRAPE DOWN THE SIDES

BECAUSE IT WILL DEFINITELY
CRAWL UP.

ADD...

AND THEN SLOWLY RETURN
THE SPEED TO MEDIUM

UNTIL THE EGGS
ARE FULLY INTEGRATED.

NOW, IN THE MEANTIME WE WILL
TURN OUR ATTENTION
TO THE DRY GOODS.

BRING TOGETHER...

THERE NOW JUST WHISK THAT
TO COMBINE AND TO BREAK UP
ANY CLUMPS.

ALL RIGHT, MEANWHILE OVER
AT THE MIXER SIDE,

IT WOULD SEEM THAT THE EGGS
HAVE THOROUGHLY INTEGRATED,

SO KILL THE MIXER AND GO AHEAD
AND SCRAPE DOWN THE BOWL
ONE MORE TIME,

JUST TO MAKE SURE ALL THE BUTTER
AND SUGAR IS OFF THE SIDE.

NOW WE TURN OUR ATTENTION
TO THE WET WORKS.

IN A FRESH, CLEAN BOWL
COMBINE...

AND RED LIQUID FOOD COLORING.

NOW I KNOW SOME FOLKS THINK
THAT THIS STUFF IS...

EVIL.

BUT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SAYS
THAT IT'S...

PERFECTLY FINE.

UH, DESPITE CLAIMS THAT IT
CAN MAKE KIDS DO THE...

(in a deep manly voice)
DARNDEST THINGS,
EMPHASIS ON DARNED.

I SAY IF YOU WANT YOUR
RED VELVET CAKE RED,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO USE
A FULL OUNCE OF THE STUFF

AND WELL, I THINK THAT'S OKAY,
AS LONG AS YOU DON'T

EAT THE STUFF, YOU KNOW,
EVERY SINGLE DAY.

OF COURSE, IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO RISK IT, JUST LEAVE
THE FOOD COLORING OUT--

YOUR CAKE WILL STILL
TASTE GREAT,
AND IT'LL BE RED-ISH.

SO THE ENTIRE 1-OUNCE
OF RED FOOD COLORING

GOES INTO THE BUTTERMILK COMBO,
WHISK TO COMBINE,

AND DO IT CAREFULLY--
THAT'S WHY I'M WEARING
A RED SWEATER, BY THE WAY.

THE RED VELVET CAKE BATTER
CONTINUES...

THE SUGAR, BUTTER, EGG MIXTURE
GOES BACK ONTO LOW SPEED,

NOW WE'RE GONNA INTRODUCE
THE DRY AND WET GOODS,
ALTERNATING.

IT'S GONNA BE THREE DOSES
OF THE DRY, AND TWO OF THE WET.

SO HERE'S THE FIRST OF THE DRY,
THE FIRST OF THE WET,

THE SECOND OF THE DRY--
A LITTLE NEATER THIS TIME,

AND THE SECOND OF THE WET,
AND THEN FINALLY,

THE THIRD ADDITION OF DRY GOODS.

LET THAT MIX UNTIL IT IS
BRIGHT CRIMSON AND SMOOTH.

ALL RIGHT, TIME TO PAN UP--
THE BEST WAY TO DO THIS
IS TO USE A SCALE.

I AM GOING TO MEASURE
1 POUND, 2 OUNCES INTO EACH PAN.

AH, THE OVEN'S STILL AT...

EXCELLENT.

SO, LOAD UP ON THE SAME
MIDDLE RACK

WITH AT LEAST AN INCH
IN BETWEEN THE PANS,

AND WE'RE SHOOTING FOR
A FINAL, INTERNAL TEMPERATURE
OF 205,

IT'S GONNA TAKE
30 TO 35 MINUTES,

AND BE SURE TO SPIN THE PANS
AROUND MIDWAY,

IF YOUR OVEN HAS A HISTORY OF
UNEVEN PERFORMANCE.

MEANWHILE, FROSTING.

WHEN A NEW YORK DAIRYMAN,
NAME OF WILLIAM LAWRENCE,

INVENTED A SPREADABLE MILD
CHEESE CONTAINING AT LEAST

33 PERCENT MILK FAT, AND NOT
MORE THAN 55 PERCENT MOISTURE,

CALLED CREAM CHEESE,
BACK IN 1872,

HE HAD NO IDEA THAT HE WAS
SAVING SOUTHERN CAKE BAKING.

BUT HE WAS, BECAUSE, UNLIKE
BUTTER, WHICH MELTS
AT A RELATIVELY LOW TEMPERATURE,

CREAM CHEESE CAN HOLD
ITS OWN SHAPE UNTIL IT
REACHES WELL ABOVE 250 DEGREES.

THAT MEANS THAT
BUTTERCREAM-STYLE FROSTINGS CAN
BE PREPARED

AND KEPT IN HOT SUMMER MONTHS.

TWO SOUTHERN SPECIALTIES
ARE STILL STRONGLY ASSOCIATED
WITH CREAM CHEESE FROSTING...

ONE-- THE CARROT CAKE,
AND TWO--RED VELVET.

YOU'LL NEED 12 OUNCES,
THAT'S A BLOCK AND A HALF,

AND MAKE SURE
IT'S NEVER BEEN FROZEN,

BECAUSE THAT WILL RESULT IN A
RATHER RUNNY, REPULSIVE TEXTURE.

ALLOW THE CREAM CHEESE TO COME
TO ROOM TEMP

BEFORE INTRODUCING IT IN
TO THE WORKBOWL OF YOUR MIXER,

ALONG WITH...

SLAP ON YOUR PADDLE ATTACHMENT
AND BEAT ON MEDIUM SPEED

UNTIL IT JUST IS
NICE AND SMOOTH AND BLENDED.

IF THEY'RE AT ROOM TEMP,
IT SHOULDN'T BE MORE THAN
ABOUT A MINUTE.

THEN ADD...

NOW WHEN THAT IS WORKED IN,
DROP THE SPEED
TO ITS LOWEST SETTING,

AND VERY SLOWLY ADD...

AGAIN, GO SLOW HERE, OR IT WILL
FLY ALL OVER THE ROOM.

NOW WHEN IT'S THOROUGHLY
COMBINED, IT SHOULD BE
NICE AND SMOOTH,

JUST LIKE THIS.

CHILL TO FIRM FOR 30 MINUTES
BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO APPLY.

IF YOU NEED TO STORE IT IN
HERE LONGER THAN THAT,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RE-SPIN
IT BEFORE APPLYING TO THE CAKE.

AH, AND THAT, MY FRIENDS
IS RED VELVET CAKE--

A HOLIDAY CLASSIC BY VIRTUE
OF THE PLEASING JUXTAPOSITION

OF RED AND WHITE, VERY STYLISH
FOR VALENTINE'S DAY AS WELL.

NOTICE, PLEASE, THAT ONCE
THE CAKE LAYERS HAVE COOLED,

I SPLIT THEM AND THEN
STACK WITH FROSTING,

LEAVING THE SIDES UNADORNED
SO THAT THE RED SHOWS THROUGH.

BUT HEY, THAT'S JUST HOW I ROLL.

HEY...

SORRY, BUT YOU GOTTA GIVE
THE DEVIL HIS DUE.

(evil laughter)

NOT ON "GOOD EATS" WE DON'T.

SEE YA NEXT TIME.

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