Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 14, Episode 1 - Porterhouse Rules - full transcript

JOHN WAYNE ATE STEAK--
THIS WE KNOW.

BUT IF HE KNEW WHAT TOP-DRAWER,
HIGHFALUTIN JOINTS LIKE THIS

WERE CHARGIN' FOR
A HUNK OF STEER,

HE'D HOLLER, "FILL YOUR HANDS,
YOU SON OF A..."

(people shushing)
I'M SORRY, SORRY.

LET'S JUST SAY I DON'T THINK
HE'D BE VERY HAPPY TO SEE

THAT THE QUINTESSENTIAL
AMERICAN MEAL HAS BECOME

SUCH AN OVER-THE-TOP FUSS FEST.

OOH, OOH, THE MEAT APPROACHETH.

GOOD EVENING, SIR.
(Alton)
GOOD EVENING.

AND WELCOME TO
MA MAISON DU BOEUF.
WELL, THANK YOU.



PERHAPS MY ASSOCIATE AND I
COULD TELL YOU ABOUT OUR STEAKS.

OH, PLEASE DO.

WE BEGIN WITH
THE PETITE FILET.

OOH, I BEG YOU,
SPARE ME YOUR TABLE SCRAPS.

I WISH...
TO SEE THE MONEY.

(clears throat)

ALLOW ME TO PRESENT
MA MAISON DU BOEUF'S

24-OUNCE PRIME PORTERHOUSE,
THE ULTIMATE STEAK EXPERIENCE.

(whispering)
EXPERIENCE.
(whispering)
EXPERIENCE.

(regular voice)
THE PORTERHOUSE IS
AN ETHEREAL MARRIAGE

OF BOLD NEW YORK STRIP
ON ONE SIDE

AND SEDUCTIVE TENDERLOIN
ON THE OTHER.

BETWEEN THEM, A GNAW-WORTHY BONE
ENHANCES THE FLAVOR EXPERIENCE.

(whispering)
EXPERIENCE.
(whispering)
EXPERIENCE.



PERFECTION IS TAKEN
TO THE NEXT LEVEL, SIR,

BY OUR OLD-WORLD
DRY-AGING PROCESS.

AH, DRY AGING,
THE PLOT THICKENS.

OUR PORTERHOUSE IS THEN
SEARED TO PERFECTION

UNDER A 1,600-DEGREE PATENTED
MA MAISON DU BOEUF BROILER.

SIXTEEN HUNDRED DEGREES
OF BROIL, IMPRESSIVE.

SO, GARCON , DO TELL.

WHAT DO YOU GET FOR
THAT THERE SLAB OF COW?

OUR PORTERHOUSE IS VALUED
AT 120 AMERICAN DOLLARS.

WHAT DOES IT COME WITH,
A BOWLFUL OF KRUGERRANDS?

(chuckles)

ALL OUR SIDES ARE SERVED
A LA CARTE, SIR.

NATURALLY.

WELL, THEN, UM, I'LL HAVE...

THE SHRIMP COCKTAIL, TO GO.

PERFECTION.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S RECAP.

SO 24 OUNCES OF
A PRIME DRY-AGED PORTERHOUSE,

BROILED UNDER INTENSE HEAT,
I ASSUME TO MEDIUM RARE,

IT'S 120 CLAMS, THAT'S...

HA-HA, $5 AN OUNCE,

AND THAT, MY COMRADE COOKS,
IS GUSTATORY GRAND LARCENY.

WHY, I'LL WAGER THAT
A HALF-HOUR FROM RIGHT NOW

WE'LL HAVE AN EQUALLY HANDSOME
SLAB OF TASTY BEEFY GOODNESS

ON THE PLATE FOR...

WELL, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.

IF WE START WITH 120 BUCKS,
WE SHOULD HAVE ENOUGH LEFT OVER

FOR A COUPLE OF SIDE DISHES,
DESSERT, A NICE BOTTLE OF WINE,

AND TWO TICKETS TO THE MOVIES.

SOUND LIKE
THE ULTIMATE DATE MEAL?

PERHAPS.

I JUST THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE...

♪♪

♪ GOOD EATS ♪

♪♪

OKAY, LET'S REVIEW OUR
MAISON DU BOEUF CHECKLIST.

PRIME BEEF, PORTERHOUSE,

WHICH, OF COURSE,
CONTAINS A BONE,

DRY AGE, SEAR 1,600 DEGREES.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S ADDRESS
EACH OF THESE SUMMARILY,

STARTING WITH PRIME.

OF COURSE, PRIME IS
THE NUMERO UNO

OF THE EIGHT U.S. BEEF GRADES.

CHOICE AND SELECT ARE
OTHERS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF.

NOW TO BE GRADED AS PRIME,
THE STEER IN QUESTION

(cow mooing)
HAS TO BE RELATIVELY YOUNG,
BETWEEN 18 TO 24 MONTHS.

AND THE FLESH MUST BE
DEEPLY MARBLED,

MEANING THAT THE MEAT ITSELF
CONTAINS A FAIR AMOUNT OF FAT

IN THE FORM OF
STREAKS AND FLECKS,

SUCH AS THE MINERAL DEPOSITS
FOUND IN FINE MARBLE.

OKAY, THIS INTRAMUSCULAR FAT

DOES RESULT IN A VERY
SUCCULENT, JUICY MOUTH FEEL.

ALTHOUGH SOME TOP-END
BUTCHER SHOPS

DO OCCASIONALLY GET HOLD OF
PRIME BEEF, MOST OF IT GOES

DIRECTLY TO RESTAURANTS
LIKE MAISON DU WHATEVER.

BUT THAT'S OKAY, I ACTUALLY
PREFER THE LEANER CHOICE CUTS

BECAUSE, WELL,
THEY CONTAIN LESS FAT

AND I ACTUALLY THINK
THEY TASTE MORE BEEFY.

SELECT, OH, IT'S RARELY
ASSOCIATED WITH FINE STEAKS,

BUT WE'LL GET
TO THAT IN A MINUTE.

NOW THE PORTERHOUSE ITSELF
IS CONSIDERED PRECIOUS

IN LARGE PART BECAUSE OF
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.

THAT MEANS THE SHORT LOIN...

(clears throat)

THE SHORT LOIN, COMPOSED
OF TWO MAIN MUSCLES.

THERE IS THE LARGE LOIN,
OR BACK MUSCLE,

AND THEN THERE IS,
OR AT LEAST MOST OF,

THE TENDERLOIN.

THE OTHER END OF THIS IS
ACTUALLY STUCK INTO THE SIRLOIN.

NOW THIS IS A DESIRABLE LOCATION

BECAUSE IT IS FAR FROM
BOTH HOOF AND HORN,

AND THEREFORE DOES LITTLE
IN THE WAY OF WORK.

BESIDES, THE T-SHAPED
SPINE BONE ARRANGEMENT,

THERE'S VERY LITTLE
CONNECTIVE TISSUE

TO COMPLICATE THE MEATSCAPE.

AND YET, NOT ALL THE STEAKS
CUT FROM THIS AREA

ARE THE SAME, OKAY?

ONE MUST CONSIDER THE FACT
THAT THE TENDERLOIN

IS A TAPERING MUSCLE,

SMALL IN THE FRONT
AND BIG IN THE BACK.

AND THE LOIN, ALTHOUGH
CONSISTENT IN SIZE AND SHAPE,

IS COMPLETELY CLEAR OF
CONNECTIVE TISSUE AT ONE END,

AND THE OTHER END?

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THAT
IT'S STARTING TO TRANSITION

INTO A WORKING CLASS
NEIGHBORHOOD.

SO, YOU KNOW,
IT'S LIKE REAL ESTATE.

WE REALLY GOTTA GO
WALK THE TERRITORY.

COME ON.

(cow mooing)

DESPITE THE FACT THAT
THESE STEAKS WERE ALL CUT

FROM THE EXACT SAME BOLT
OF MOO CLOTH,

THEY CHANGE RADICALLY
FROM HERE TO HERE.

AND LUCKILY, OUR GOVERNMENT
HAS SORTED THINGS OUT FOR US.

THE T-BONE MAY BE PREPARED
FROM ANY SHORT LOIN ITEM.

THE MAXIMUM WIDTH OF
THE TENDERLOIN SHALL BE

AT LEAST 1/2 INCH
WHEN MEASURED PARALLEL

TO THE LENGTH
OF THE BACKBONE.

ROUGHLY, THAT MEANS THAT
EVERYTHING HERE QUALIFIES

AS A T-BONE EXCEPT MAYBE
THIS GUY AND THIS GUY.

THESE WILL HAVE TO BE SOLD
AS BONE-IN STRIP STEAKS.

NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

NOW THIS BEGS THE QUESTION --

WHEN DOES A T-BONE
BECOME A PORTERHOUSE?

AGAIN, FROM THE GOVERNMENT,

IN THE PORTERHOUSE
THE MINIMUM WIDTH

OF THE TENDERLOIN SHALL BE
AT LEAST 1.25 INCHES

WHEN MEASURED PARALLEL TO
THE LENGTH OF THE BACKBONE.

SO... THAT HELPS.

THAT MEANS THAT
THIS IS A T-BONE

AND THIS IS A T-BONE.

THIS IS A PORTERHOUSE,
PORTERHOUSE, PORTERHOUSE,

PORTERHOUSE,

BUT EVEN THEN,
THEY ARE NOT ALL EQUAL.

FOR INSTANCE, WHEN
THE TENDERLOIN IS THE WIDEST,

THE LOIN ACTUALLY CONTAINS
THIS KIND OF EYE-SHAPED VEIN

OF CONNECTIVE TISSUE.

AND IN THIS CASE,
I MEAN VEIN AS IN IRON ORE,

NOT A TUBE THAT, YOU KNOW,
BLOOD PUMPS THROUGH.

ANYWAY, IT'S CHEWY STUFF.

SO THE QUALITY HERE
IS DEFINITELY COMPROMISED.

WELL, WE BACK UP AND SEE THAT
RIGHT HERE IN THE MIDDLE

YOU CUT A SMALLER PIECE
OF TENDERLOIN

BUT BEAUTIFULLY CLEAR MEAT.

IF I'M GONNA PAY
20 BUCKS A POUND

FOR A PIECE OF MEAT,
THIS IS THE PIECE OF MEAT

I'M GONNA PAY
20 BUCKS A POUND FOR.

LET'S GO HOME.

ALL RIGHT, BESIDES PROOF OF
THE STANDARD UNITED STATES

DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE
INSPECTION FOR WHOLESOMENESS

AND THE GRADES THAT
MAY BE APPLIED TO BEEF --

SELECT, PRIME,
CHOICE, AND WHATNOT --

THERE ARE OTHER TERMS THESE DAYS

THAT THE STEAK HUNTER NEEDS
TO BE FULLY INFORMED ABOUT.

FOR INSTANCE, NATURAL,
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

IT MEANS THE BEEF HAS BEEN
MINIMALLY PROCESSED

AND CONTAINS NO ADDITIVES,
SUCH AS ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS,

COLORS, AND/OR PRESERVATIVES.

NOW IF THE MEAT
IS NOT NATURAL,

THERE'LL HAVE TO BE
AN INGREDIENT LIST ATTACHED.

IN OTHER WORDS,
WHEN IT COMES TO STEAK,

NATURAL, WELL,
IT DOESN'T REALLY MEAN DIDDLY.

NOW YOU MAY SEE A BRAND
ATTACHED TO THE BEEF.

AND I DON'T MEAN
A HOT, COWBOY TYPE OF BRAND,

BUT RATHER A BRAND, LIKE
CERTIFIED LONGHORN BEEF.

OKAY, NOW BRANDED BEEF IS
NOT NECESSARILY BETTER,

BUT IT DOES HAVE TO MEASURE UP
TO WHATEVER SPECIFICATIONS

HAVE BEEN DEFINED BY
THAT CERTIFICATION PROCESS.

MAY BE BETTER, MAYBE NOT.

SPEAKING OF CERTIFICATION,
THERE IS, OF COURSE,

CERTIFIED ORGANIC BEEF.

THESE COWS MUST CONSUME
ORGANIC FEED.

THEY CANNOT BE TREATED
WITH ANTIBIOTICS,

AND THEY MUST BE
CERTIFIED AS ORGANIC

BY THE GOVERNMENT.

THIS MEANS YOU'RE GONNA PAY
MORE FOR THIS BEEF.

WILL IT BE BETTER?

NOT NECESSARILY.

OH, HERE'S ANOTHER ONE THAT'S
CROPPING UP JUST RECENTLY.

GRASS-FINISHED.

THIS DOESN'T REALLY
MEAN ANYTHING

TO THE GOVERNMENT
OR ANYONE ELSE.

THE "GRASS" WORD THAT DOES,
HOWEVER, IS THIS ONE,

AND I REALLY DO THINK THAT
THIS MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE

TO THE TASTE AND FLAVOR
OF THE FINISHED PRODUCT,

IS "GRASS-FED."

THAT MEANS THAT ONCE THE ANIMAL
IS WEANED OFF OF MOTHER'S MILK,

IT ONLY EATS FORAGE, GRASS,

THE WAY THAT A COW
IS SUPPOSED TO.

NOW MOST OF THE BEEF CATTLE
RAISED IN THE U.S.

START ON GRASS, BUT THEY'RE
THEN FINISHED IN FEED LOTS,

WHERE THEY SPEND THEIR LAST
WEEKS, OR MONTHS EVEN,

BEING FATTENED UP ON CORN,

WHICH ALSO
STANDARDIZES THE FLAVOR.

I CALL THIS
THE BLANDIFICATION OF BEEF,

WHICH, IT TURNS OUT, MOST OF US
HAVE BEEN TRAINED TO LIKE.

ALL RIGHT, I'M DOUBLE-CHECKING
THE GREEN WEIGHT,

WHICH IS 1 POUND,
8 OUNCES, SO 24 OUNCES.

IF WE SPUN THIS UP
IN A HIGH-SPEED
LABORATORY BLENDER...

(blender whirring)

AND THEN SQUEEZED IT IN
A HYDRAULIC LABORATORY PRESS...

OH!

AND THEN REMOVED
THE VARIOUS SUSPENDED SOLIDS

VIA FLOCCULATION
AND CENTRIFUGE...

THANK YOU, THING...

UH, WE WOULD COME UP
WITH, WELL, DRY MEAT POWDER

AND WATER.

IN FACT, 18 OUNCES OF WATER,

WHICH MAKES UP A MAJORITY
OF THE STEAK'S GREEN WEIGHT.

NOW IT WOULD BE LOGICAL
TO HYPOTHESIZE THAT

WERE WE TO REDUCE THE AMOUNT
OF WATER IN THE STEAK,

WE COULD, IN FACT,
INTENSIFY ITS FLAVOR, RIGHT?

NOW TOP-DRAWER STEAKHOUSES HAVE
SPECIAL CLIMATE-CONTROLLED ROOMS

DEDICATED TO AGING
PRIMALS AND SUB-PRIMALS

THAT ARE THEN CUT
INTO STEAKS AS NEEDED.

I DON'T REALLY HAVE
A SPECIAL ROOM,

BUT I DO HAVE SOME VERY NICE
RECYCLABLE PIE TINS,

SOME VERY NICE WOODEN SKEWERS,

AND A VERY SCARY ICE PICK.

THE CORK IS FOR
PROTECTION, OF COURSE.

NOW JUST PUNCH FIVE HOLES
IN ONE SIDE OF THE TIN

AND REPEAT ON THE OTHER SIDE.

THEN JUST RUN
THE SKEWERS THROUGH.

BE CAREFUL OF SPLINTERS, THERE.

NOW PUT DOWN ONE PAPER TOWEL,
WRAP ONE PORTERHOUSE STEAK,

FLIP OVER LIKE THAT,

AND YOU'VE GOT
YOUR AGING RIG.

OKAY, STASH THIS
IN THE COLDEST PART
OF YOUR REFRIGERATOR,

WHICH MOST LIKELY WILL BE
DOWN IN THE BOTTOM,

WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE
THAT'LL ALSO KEEP IT

ISOLATED FROM OTHER FOODS.

CROSS-CONTAMINATION,
ALWAYS A CONCERN.

UM, LEAVE IN PLACE
FOR 24 HOURS,

AND THEN CHANGE OUT
THE PAPER TOWEL.

AND IT'LL BE KIND OF
WET AND GOOEY.

THEN STORE FOR
ANOTHER THREE DAYS.

NOW AT THIS VERY MOMENT,
OTHER FORCES HAVE COME INTO PLAY

DEEP INSIDE THE MEAT, ENZYMES.

(silent-movie music playing)
LET'S CONSIDER THE INNER
WORKINGS OF LIVING MUSCLE.

IT'S COMPLEX MACHINERY,

WHICH, UPON EXPIRATION
OF THE ANIMAL,

GRINDS TO A HALF.

OH WELL, THAT'S
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

NOW FOR A SHORT WHILE
IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING

THE DEMISE, THE MEAT REMAINS
NICE AND LOOSE, TENDER.

BUT THEN RIGOR MORTIS SETS IN,

AND THINGS CAN GET
VERY, VERY TOUGH.

HOWEVER, OVER TIME,
NATURAL CHEMICAL CATALYSTS

CALLED ENZYMES GO TO WORK.

LIKE THIS WRENCH,
ENZYMES HAVE SPECIFIC SHAPES,

WHICH BOND ONLY WITH
SPECIFIC MOLECULES.

ONCE IN PLACE,
THE ENZYME CAN EITHER UNITE

UNRELATED MOLECULES
OR DISMANTLE CERTAIN STRUCTURES,

SUCH AS THE ONES
THAT TOUGHEN MEAT.

NOW THE MORE TIME YOU GIVE
THE ENZYMES TO WORK,

THE MORE TENDER THE MEAT GETS,

WHEN, OF COURSE,
THE PROPER TEMPERATURE

AND MOISTURE LEVEL
IS MAINTAINED.

HOORAY, IT'S STEAK DAY.

NOW LET'S CHECK AND SEE
JUST HOW MUCH WEIGHT

WE HAVE LOST DURING
THE DRY-AGE PROCESS.

SO WE ARE DOWN TO 21.75 OUNCES

FROM THE ORIGINAL 24.15,

FOR A NET LOSS OF...
WOW, 2.4 OUNCES,

AVERAGING .6 OUNCES PER DAY.

AND THAT IS A TOTAL
PERCENTAGE LOSS OF 9.94 PERCENT.

WOW, THAT'S ALMOST 10 PERCENT
OF THE WEIGHT OF THE STEAK

HAS JUST EVAPORATED.

THAT WILL CERTAINLY
INTENSIFY THE FLAVOR.

ENZYMATIC ACTION
HAS TAKEN PLACE.

I'VE GOT A DARKENING,
WHICH CERTAINLY MAKES SENSE.

SO WE WILL DITCH
THE PAPER TOWEL, YUCK,

AND ALLOW THIS TO SIT AT
ROOM TEMPERATURE FOR ONE HOUR.

YEAH, I KNOW IT'S RAW MEAT,

BUT THE SHORTER
THE THERMAL TRIP IT TAKES,

THE FASTER IT WILL COOK AND
THE LESS MOISTURE WILL BE LOST.

AND DON'T WORRY, BACTERIA,
NOT GONNA HAVE TIME

TO DO ANYTHING DRASTIC HERE.

BESIDES, WE'RE GONNA COOK IT.

WHEN YOU ARE HALF AN HOUR OUT
FROM THE ACTUAL COOKING,

SPRINKLE THE STEAK
ON BOTH SIDES

WITH KOSHER SALT.

IT'LL TAKE ABOUT
3/4 OF A TEASPOON, TOTAL.

NOW THE SALT IS GOING TO PULL
MOISTURE OUT OF THE MEAT,

NO QUESTION, BUT IT'S
NOT JUST MOISTURE.

IT'S PROTEIN-LADEN
MOISTURE THAT,

ONCE BROUGHT TO THE SURFACE,

WILL HELP TO ENHANCE
THE SEARING PROCESS.

NOW IT'S HIGH TIME
THAT WE CONSIDER

OUR THERMAL OPTIONS.

HERE IN AMERICA,
THE WORD "STEAK"

IS STRONGLY ASSOCIATED
WITH THE WORD "GRILL."

BUT TRUTH IS, THE SPECIMENS
PRODUCED IN HIGH-END STEAKHOUSES

LIKE MAISON DU FLUFFY STUFF
RARELY SEE A GRILL.

THEY ARE INSTEAD COOKED UNDER
POWERFUL BROILERS LIKE THIS.

COME HERE.

A SIMPLE DEVICE, REALLY.

GAS FLAMES SUPER-HEAT
CERAMIC ELEMENTS,

CAPABLE OF GENERATING
RADIANT ENERGY

IN THE 2,500-DEGREE RANGE.

FAHRENHEIT, OF COURSE.

THE DRAWER COMES OUT,
STEAK GOES ON THE DRAWER,

STEAK GOES UNDER THE BROILER,

AND IN NO TIME AT ALL,
YOU HAVE YOURSELF

A BEAUTIFULLY, OUCH,
SEARED PIECE OF MEAT.

NO MUSS AND NOT A LOT OF FUSS.

SO IF YOU'VE GOT ONE OF THESE
BABIES, YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

(sniffs)
YEAH, ME EITHER.

UM, LUCKILY, WE CAN FAKE IT.

HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED --

A FLAT FIREPROOF SPOT.

AND I LIKE A FIREPROOF MAT,

AVAILABLE AT YOUR LOCAL
BARBECUE STORE.

A CINDER BLOCK,
A CHARCOAL GRILL GRATE,

ALSO AVAILABLE AT
A HARDWARE OR GRILLING STORE,

A LARGE CHIMNEY STARTER
FOR CHARCOAL, AVAILABLE--

WELL, YOU'VE GOT IT.

AND YOU'RE ALSO GOING TO NEED
A LARGE METAL MIXING BOWL,

PREFERABLY ONE YOU
DON'T CARE A LOT ABOUT.

AND A POUND OF NATURAL
CHUNK CHARCOAL.

YES, I ACTUALLY
WEIGHED THE CHARCOAL.

WHAT BETTER METHOD
TO QUANTIFY THE AMOUNT

OF A BUNCH OF JAGGED
CHUNKS LIKE THAT, HMM?

WELL, ALL RIGHT,
IGNITION WILL REQUIRE A FUEL,

AND THAT WILL COME IN THE FORM

OF JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF YESTERDAY'S PAPER.

WE'RE ALSO GONNA USE
SOME ACCELERANT,

VEGETABLE OIL.

NICE SHOT, NICE SHOT,
OR CANOLA OIL WILL DO.

JUST WAD THAT UP
AND PLACE BELOW THE CHARCOAL.

LIGHT WITH YOUR TRUSTY
FIRE STICK OR LONG MATCHES.

NOW THE OIL
WILL BURN VERY SLOWLY,

KEEPING THE FIRE ACTIVE
LONG ENOUGH TO THOROUGHLY SET

THE CHARCOAL ABLAZE.

AND THAT'LL REACH
OPTIMAL THERMAL RANGE

IN ABOUT 15 MINUTES.

IN THE MEANTIME,
LET'S CONTEMPLATE THE REST

OF OUR GRILLING HARDWARE.

AH.

YOU DO HAVE YOUR VERY OWN
COMFY CUSTOM KETTLE GRILL CHAIR,

DON'T YOU?

NO, WELL, YOU SHOULD GET YOUR
PROP PEOPLE ON THAT RIGHT AWAY.

NOW WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED?

LONG SPRING-LOADED TONGS,
A FIRE EXTINGUISHER,

AND, OF COURSE,
INSULATED GLOVES.

NOW AS YOU CAN SEE, THE COALS
HAVE BURNED DOWN A GOOD AMOUNT.

THERE ARE ASHES ALL AROUND.

I CAN SEE ALL THE WAY
THROUGH THE GRATE

TO THE BOTTOM OF THE CHIMNEY.

THIS IS A PERFECT FIRE.

SO TAKE THE CHIMNEY OFF,

KNOCK OFF AS MANY
ASHES AS YOU CAN,

REMOVE ASHES FROM
THE GRATE ITSELF...

REMEMBER, HOT.

PLACE THE SEASONED STEAK
DEAD CENTER,

AND REPLACE THE CHIMNEY
RIGHT ON TOP.

NOW SET YOUR TIMER
FOR 90 SECONDS.

NOW I HAVE NEVER SEEN
A PORTERHOUSE THAT WOULDN'T FIT

UNDER THE CHIMNEY, BUT YOU
SHOULD ALWAYS CHECK AHEAD

JUST TO MAKE SURE
YOU'VE GOT A GOOD FIT.

SO WHAT WE HAVE HERE,
OF COURSE, OUR VERY OWN
HIGH-POWERED BROILER.

HA, TAKE THAT,
CASA DE MAISON DU BOEUF,

OR WHATEVER YOU'RE CALLED.

TIME'S UP, AND WE FLIP.

SEE THAT CRUSTY EXTERIOR?

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN HIGH HEAT TANGLES WITH

WATER-SOLUBLE PROTEINS

LIKE THE ONES
PULLED OUT BY THE SALT.

RE-COVER AND TIME
ANOTHER MINUTE AND A HALF.

NOT A SECOND MORE
OR LESS, PLEASE.

(timer beeping)
TIME'S UP.

OKAY, WE'RE THREE MINUTES
INTO THE COOKING,

AND OUR STEAK HAS HAD ALL OF
THE CLOSE-UP SEARING HEAT

IT CAN TAKE.

ANY MORE, AND THE MAHOGANY
BROWN CRUST WILL TURN TO BLACK.

BY THE SAME TOKEN,
THE INNER MEAT,

NOT YET AT THE SWEET SPOT,

SAY BETWEEN 120 AND 125,
MEDIUM RARE.

SO LIFT THE CHIMNEY,
REMOVE THE GRATE,

AND PLACE ON TOP OF THE CHIMNEY.

THEN COVER WITH YOUR BOWL.

THIS CREATES KIND OF
A MINI OVEN,

WHICH, DESPITE
CONVECTIVE HEAT,

WILL NOT CREATES
NEARLY THE BTUs

THAT THE STEAK FACED BELOW.

SET YOUR CLOCK FOR ONE MINUTE.

(timer beeping)

BOWL COMES OFF,
MEAT IS TURNED,

BOWL GOES BACK ON,

AND WE COOK FOR
ONE MORE MINUTE.

THAT'S GONNA BE A TOTAL OF
ONLY FIVE MINUTES OF HEAT.

(timer beeping)

TIME TO EVACUATE.

NOW AS IS TYPICAL OF
LARGE PIECES OF RED MEAT,

THE TEMPERATURE CAN
ACTUALLY CONTINUE TO GO UP

FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME
AFTER REMOVAL FROM THE HEAT.

AND WE HAVE TOPPED OUT AT
123 DEGREES, WHICH IS FINE.

IT'LL COAST UP TO
MEDIUM RARE.

NOW WE'VE GOT TO GIVE THIS STEAK
AT LEAST A FIVE-MINUTE REST,

AND I LIKE TO DO IT
RIGHT HERE ON THE RACK

SO THAT IT DOESN'T SIT
IN ITS OWN JUICES.

THAT COULD DISSOLVE THE CHAR,
WHICH I DON'T WANT.

NOW THIS WILL GIVE
THE HEAT INSIDE --

AND, OF COURSE,
THE ASSOCIATED PRESSURE --

TIME TO SUBSIDE.

NOW IF YOU SKIP THIS STEP
AND JUST CUT INTO THE STEAK,

YOU'RE GONNA SEE
ALL THE BEAUTIFUL JUICES

JUST RUN ALL OVER THE TRAY.

YOU DON'T WANT THAT, DO YA?

I THOUGHT NOT.

PATIENCE.

AH, WHILE THE PEDIGREES
OF MOST CLASSIC DISHES

ARE FOGGY AT BEST,

WE MAY ACTUALLY BE ABLE
TO PINPOINT WHEN AND WHERE

THE PORTERHOUSE STEAK
WAS BORN.

BUT, WELL, FIRST
LET'S SET THE STAGE.

THE 18th CENTURY,
A PECULIARLY DARK

AND PARTICULARLY
STRONG BEER

BECAME SO POPULAR WITH STREET
AND RIVER PORTERS IN LONDON

THAT IT EVENTUALLY
TOOK THEIR NAME, PORTER.

NOW A 16-OUNCE GLASS
OF THIS STUFF

WAS, AT THE TIME, THE SAFEST,
FASTEST, MOST NUTRITIOUS DRINK

YOU COULD DOWN.

IN FACT, PORTER WAS REALLY
KIND OF THE ENERGY DRINK

OF ITS AGE.

NOW THE ESTABLISHMENTS
THAT CATERED TO PORTERS
WERE CALLED PORTER HOUSES,

AND THE PORTER HOUSES THAT
SPRANG UP ALONG THE WATERWAYS

OF LONDON, AND EVENTUALLY
NEW YORK, WERE EQUALLY POPULAR

WITH SAILORS, RIVER PILOTS,

WHO OFTEN DROPPED BY
AFTER DOCKING

FOR A PINT AND A ROASTED
HUNK OF CRITTER.

NOW ACCORDING TO THE RESPECTED
NEW YORK AUTHOR, HISTORIAN,

AND PRINCE OF BUTCHERS
COLONEL THOMAS F. DE VOE,

ONCE UPON A TIME, IN 1814,
A CRUSTY OLD RIVER PILOT

ENTERED A PORTER HOUSE
OWNED BY ONE MARTIN MORRISON

ON PEARL STREET
IN NEW YORK CITY.

(men)
NEW YORK CITY?
THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH.

SAID CRUSTY CALLED FOR
SOMETHING SUBSTANTIAL TO EAT.

LOOK HERE, BRING ME
SOMETHING SUBSTANTIAL TO EAT!

HAVING SOLD OUT OF
THE EVENING JOINT --

THAT'S WHAT THEY USED TO CALL
THE BIG HUNK OF MEAT --

UH, MORRISON, IN THE BACK,
HASTILY CUT A SLAB

FROM THE BACK OF A LARGE LOIN
ROAST MEANT FOR THE NEXT DAY,

A HUNK THAT PROBABLY INCLUDED
A GOODLY PORTION OF SHORT LOIN,

TENDERLOIN, AND WHATNOT.

HE FRIED IT UP,
HE SERVED IT UP, AND...

OH, OH... OH MY.

THAT IS GOOD, YES, YES!

I'LL HAVE WHAT HE'S HAVING.
YEAH, ME TOO.

FROM THAT NIGHT ON,
MORRISON ASKED HIS BUTCHER

TO CUT ALL HIS ROASTS INTO
STEAKS FOR THE PORTER HOUSE.

MOVE SOME WORDS AROUND, AND
YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A LEGEND.

OH, AND LOOK,
AFTER STEAK AND CHARCOAL,

WE GOT A HUNDRED BUCKS
LEFT OVER.

A ROUND FOR THE HOUSE!
(men) HEY!

HA-HA, AND ALL OF
A SUDDEN, I'M POPULAR.

IT'S THE POWER OF GOOD EATS.

WELL, I HOPE WE'VE INSPIRED YOU

TO TAKE THE PORTERHOUSE
BACK FROM THE STEAKHOUSES

AND PUT IT ON YOUR HOME MENU,
WHERE IT BELONGS.

I SUGGEST BUYING
GRASS-FED WHEN YOU CAN,

AGE IT IN THE FRIDGE
IF YOU'VE GOT TIME,

SALT IT WELL AHEAD OF COOKING,

AND WHEN YOU'RE
READY FOR THE HEAT,

PUT THE SPURS TO IT WITH
A HANDHELD CHARCOAL BROILER.

IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE.

NOT THAT THE GUYS
AT MAISON DU BOEUF

WOULD TELL YOU THAT.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME
ON "GOOD EATS."

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