Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 13, Episode 7 - 10th Anniversary Special - full transcript

Well, somebody certainly
was hungry this morning.
Sweetie, I love you.
But it's time you started
learning to cook for yourself.
I can't keep coming over here
every morning
and leaving your father
to make his own breakfast.
You're 32 years old.
Did it occur to you,
you might meet a nice girl
if you knew how to cook?
I hate doing this,
but you need help.
So I've hired someone,
a specialist to work with you.
Let's just keep calm, okay?
It's for your own good,
sweetheart.
That's right,
it's for your own good.
[ Clears throat ]
Excuse me, Clarence.
So, I understand we're having
a problem with breakfast?
This is Mr. Brown.
He's an expert
in these kinds of things.
He'll have you ‐‐
He'll have you cooking
for yourself in no time.
Now, now, Mrs. Johnson,
don't you cry.
These ‐‐ These cases
are really quite common,
and our chances for success
are nearly 100%,
as long as your son doesn't
reject the treatment.
I packed a few
of your things for you.
Nice jammies.
Just relax, okay?
You've got some tough days ahead
of you, that‐‐ that's true.
But I think that, in the end,
you'll find that
not only is breakfast
the most important
meal of the day,
it's the first step
on the road to...
♪ "Good Eats" ♪
Ah, there, please,
have a seat right there.
And I'm sorry
about the blindfold,
but the exact location
of this facility is, well,
unpublished and not something
you need to worry about.
Now you're an average
American guy, right?
Of course you are.
And that means
that come morning,
you want a cup of Joe,
don't you?
What's this?
A Koko Karl Coffee
100,000 Cup Club cup.
And it's insulated.
It's ‐‐ It's very, very nice.
This will indeed hold coffee,
a great deal of it, in fact.
But it won't actually make it.
Okay, for that, you'll have
to have a piece of equipment
that actually
puts coffee grounds
in contact with water.
Now, a bunch of tools
will do the job, a percolator,
an auto‐drip machine,
a vacuum pot.
Basically,
there's a tool for every budget.
And yours would be...
What's this? What's this?
A Koko Karl coffee club card.
Tell you what, I want you
to have this as a gift.
It's called a French press.
Can be used to brew coffee,
tea, heck,
you can even strain soup
or emulsify
a salad dressing in it.
But we'll build up
to that, you know, later.
The point is,
it's a grade‐A multi‐tasker,
not to mention
the cheapest tool in the lot.
Now, it'll hold a quart ‐‐
that's 32 ounces ‐‐
but with grounds, I wouldn't
run it past about 3 cups,
which would be...24 ounces.
And since a standard cup
of coffee
is generally considered
to be 6 ounces,
that means we'll get...
4. 4 cups.
Now, water is actually the most
important ingredient in coffee.
If it doesn't taste great,
neither will the coffee.
Now, my tap water
actually tastes like the pool
down at the Y.
So I use a filter,
I just keep this in the fridge.
They're cheap.
There we go.
And you'll notice
that I've got 24 ounces here
and I added an extra splash
for evaporation.
Now, we need this
at a rolling boil.
And ordinarily, I would look
to an electric kettle
to do this,
but I know you don't have one.
But I did note
that you do have a microwave
at your place,
and that will certainly
do the job.
But here's a bit
of a safety tip.
Microwaves can actually
heat water to a boil
without bubbles forming.
And when you reach in
and grab it,
the motion could set off
an almost explosive boilover
that could, well,
really scald your hands.
So, Clarence...
Got what you need right here.
A wooden chop stick,
or even just a wooden skewer
placed thusly,
will provide what's
called nucleation points
so that the bubbles can form
and you won't have
to go through
all that pain and suffering.
So into the microwave
and I'm just going
to go with, say,
five and a half minutes on high.
But the time, of course,
will depend upon
your exact make and model.
That will give us time to deal
with the other software ‐‐
that's what we call ingredients
around here.
I speak, of course,
of the coffee beans.
Now, I keep my beans
up here with the spices.
Why would I do that?
Because coffee is a spice.
Think about it, it's a dried
seed full of volatile compounds
that we want to preserve
until we're ready
to get them out.
So, I store coffee beans
like I would store spices.
Air‐tight containment,
all right,
and I keep it away from heat,
and I keep it away from light.
So, what is the number one thing
that you can do for your coffee?
Well, believe it or not,
it is wait and grind
right before you're ready
to brew, okay?
You are going to have
to grind the beans yourself.
Now, take a look
at these and tell me,
which of these devices would be
most suitable for the job?
Go ahead, have a look.
Okay, let's see what you got,
let's take a look.
Ah, well, as an American male,
I can certainly
see the attraction.
She's a beauty.
But it's not the kind
of grinder we need.
You see, what we want to do
is break the beans
into uniform pieces
so that we can use water
to extract maximum flavor.
Now, a blade grinder
like this would be inexpensive,
and it would certainly
get the job done.
But these blades, well,
they will never create, really,
a uniform grind.
See what I mean?
That's why I vastly
prefer a burr grinder.
It costs more,
but it's worth it.
It uses this big‐toothed,
conical grinding wheel
that nests
down into
a stationary‐toothed receiver.
And the beans are fed
in from the hopper and ground
to the same size.
The grind
can be adjusted with this knob,
that changes the distance
between the grinder
and the receiver.
Now typically,
slower brewing methods,
like say, percolating,
take longer,
so you want to use
a larger grind.
As opposed to, say,
espresso or Turkish coffee,
which uses an almost
talcum‐like, fine powder grind.
Now our French press is, well,
a medium slow method.
And so we will go with a grind
that is
right slap dab in the middle.
Now, here's something
to memorize
and there will be a test.
Have a look.
2 tablespoons
of ground coffee,
plus 6 ounces
of boiling water,
plus a pinch of salt to
counteract the bitterness equals
1 cup of man coffee.
♪
So, we want 4 6‐ounce cups,
2 tablespoons per cup,
and that means
that we want 8 tablespoons,
and that equals...
1/2 cup.
Now, the last thing that I want
you to do in the morning
is have to measure coffee,
so I've taken the liberty
of placing a rubber band
at just about the 1/2 cup mark
there on the little carafe
so that you can just grind
right up to the line
and that's all you have to do.
So, do me a favor.
Dump that straight in.
Our water is done,
that's good.
I do like a pinch of salt,
use kosher salt, right there,
to knock off
some of the bitter edge.
And here comes the water.
Of course, it's important
to remove the chop sticks,
and actually we're going
to use those.
I like to pour in just enough
water to wet the grounds.
That'll make sure that there are
no dry air pockets kind
of hiding in there.
And also gives a good
opportunity for the grounds
to swell up,
because they're being agitated,
and that'll extract more flavor.
So once you've got a nice
little slurry going,
go pour on
the rest of the water.
There.
We'll place the plunger
on top just to keep things warm,
but no plunging,
not at this point.
And turn on your timer,
four minutes
is what we're looking for.
Anything less
would under‐extract
the coffee, anything more
would over‐extract.
Either way, you'd have bad eats.
The brew is complete.
It is now time
to take the plunge.
Straight down on the column,
please, ever so slowly,
should take about 30 seconds
to reach the bottom.
Keep in mind
you are pushing the grounds
out of the way,
but you're also forming
an emulsion, okay,
using that mesh to emulsify
the oil phase
of the beans into the water.
And that is going
to give us a very nice body.
Okay, good job.
Now, if you find that this
coffee is too weak for you,
then just decrease
the grind size.
But do not extend
the brew period,
or you will over‐extract,
and that is not a good thing
as it will lead to bitterness.
There.
If you prefer your coffee
on the weaker side,
well, I don't know,
I'd say um...
Get over it.
Yes, exactly.
Get over it.
Now we have good color
in the cup,
the fragrance
is nice, and deep,
the flavor...
[ Slurps, sighs ]
...excellent,
wouldn't you agree, Clarence?
Absolutely.
But you know, Mr. B,
breakfast sure would be nice.
Breakfast. I concur.
That would be lovely.
Let's cook.
[ Record scratches ]
[ Dramatic music playing ]
Where you going little man?
Why don't you try the other one?
Nope. Nope.
Wait, wait, wait.
Here he is.
Hey, welcome back.
Sorry about that door.
I told Mr. B. over and over
that we really need to
fix that hinge.
And I just keep putting it off.
Hey, do you like bacon?
Of course you do.
You know,
you can't cook up the bacon
until you bring home the bacon.
Now we didn't think
you were quite ready
for an actual market,
so we're going
to be using this simulator.
It's very user‐friendly.
Nothing to worry about.
Come on in.
Okay, quality
American megamarts
can feature up
to 10 different kinds of bacon
in a wide array of styles,
and with vast range
of prices attached.
How do you sort them all out?
Well, you could sort them
by whether they are
mass‐market national brands,
or specialty, artisanal brands.
What's the difference there?
Well, the artisanal producers
take fresh pork bellies,
like that,
and they rub them down
with salt and herbs.
Here take that.
They let them sit,
cure, for days,
sometimes even weeks before,
then smoke them long and low
over smoldering hard wood.
The results are miraculous.
But the process takes time,
and time is money, and money is,
well, gosh‐darned expensive.
Now, budget‐minded
national brands often
just pump
previously frozen bellies
full of all kinds
of chemicals ‐‐
sodium, what is it, eyrthorbate,
sodium nitrate,
phosphates and the like.
And then they spray them down
with liquid smoke.
I know of a couple
of factories
can do the entire process
in a couple of hours,
instead of weeks.
The results are, well,
you get what you pay for,
if you know what I mean.
Anyway ‐‐ Oh, another way
of sorting bacon is by flavor ‐‐
hickory, mesquite, apple wood,
maple, brown sugar,
and Clarence's favorite,
black pepper.
I like my bacon
to bite back,
know what I'm saying?
I think we do.
What I mean by all this is
that bacon isn't simple.
But don't worry.
We've got some nice,
easy tips for you to use.
Okay, now here's the first one,
start at
the full‐service counter.
If there is slab bacon,
that is bacon that hasn't
been cut into pieces,
or rashers, then this is
where you want to start.
And make sure
you ask the butcher
to slice thick pieces.
Okay? It's more manly.
You may also see cut bacon
just stacked up in here,
and you might think
it'll be dried up.
But actually,
it's vastly superior
to the stuff
you'll find wrapped in plastic.
Take a look.
See this?
Even portions
of fat and lean meat,
both are streaks
rather than blobs,
the fat is nice and firm
and the aroma, smoke,
but it's not overwhelming.
This is good stuff.
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking,
"Oh, but this looks brown,
while this stuff
over here looks pink."
That's because this was cured
with some chemicals, nitrites,
which can be kind
of nasty stuff.
They say it even causes cancer.
This is actually
the better bacon,
even if it isn't as pretty.
Now, I realize
that not all markets
offer such a porcine bounty.
So, let's peruse the average
megamart display,
which generally will feature
three different levels.
Now I want you to steer clear
of the bottom rack.
It's usually full
of budget stuff,
fatty, full of chemicals
and water, blah!
Don't reach for the top shelf,
either,
because it's usually
the expensive stuff,
and, well your mom mentioned
that you've been, you know,
kind of in between jobs.
Look, just stick with
what is in the middle.
Now, look at these rashers.
You see how they're shaped
and stacked
so that it looks
very, very lean?
Well the good stuff will be
that way all the way through.
But you got to buy it
to find out, all right?
Two words
to look for,
"center cut" meaning the slab
came from the leaner,
meatier center of the belly,
and "thick cut," which means
the rashers are of course,
thicker than standard.
Until you develop
a few favorites,
I would just stick with
whatever brand is
right in the middle, price‐wise.
And remember,
these days most bacon
is designed with refrigeration
in mind, okay?
So keep this stuff
cold at all times,
except of course,
when you're cooking it.
Clarence.
Here you go,
take a look at this.
♪
Cooking bacon can be
as treacherous as buying bacon.
In fact, next to nuts,
bacon is the food
most often burned
by professionals
in the restaurant environment.
That's because as the moisture
cooks out of the slices,
the heat can suddenly go up
very, very quickly,
leading to ‐‐ to burning.
And of course,
the fat and lean contract
at different rates
and that leads to wrinkles,
which only makes things worse.
Now the oven
is an attractive option,
as roasted bacon
is flat and evenly crisp.
But, it is a slow method
and so we turn to one
of my favorite,
every day multi‐taskers.
That's right.
This is called a waffle iron
and here is kind
of my little trick.
Now since they shrink
as they cook,
long pieces of bacon
can get all stretched out,
and kind of gnarly.
So I cut them in half
with my trusty shears,
and I simply arrange
in the iron thusly.
Now, if your iron features
a temperature control,
just shoot
for dead‐center there.
Get your pieces arranged
and set your timer
for two and a half minutes.
Just open the lid and move
around the pieces just enough
so that any unseared areas
will come into direct contact
with the metal.
There, close the lid,
and we'll time another two
and a half minutes.
So that'll give us just
enough time
to start prepping
those hash browns.
You do like hash browns,
don't you? Of course.
Clarence, take him down
to level three.
My pleasure.
Welcome to level three.
He's already
inside waiting for you.
You know, it doesn't matter
where you go,
the best hash browns in town
will always be found
at the local diner,
where short‐order cooks
conjure magic
from massive hot slabs
of steel called griddles.
Now, I do not imagine
for a moment
that we are going to turn you
into a short‐order cook.
But there are some
hash brown tips
to be gleaned
from this environment.
All right,
now first thing is the selection
of the proper potato.
We begin,
as all short order cooks do,
with the russet potato,
all right?
You probably saw this
in your mom's kitchen.
It is the standard
baking potato,
and it's also known as,
that's right,
Mr. Potato Head.
Now, this particular
model weighs 8 ounces,
that is plenty for two people
to have hash browns.
But until you get off the sofa
and deal
with that pasty complexion,
I don't think you need to worry
about making breakfast for two,
if you know what I mean.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, now maybe
we can get him set up
on a workout program
or something.
Well, at this point ‐‐
good point, Clarence ‐‐
but I think we need to get
him feeding himself first.
Now, the next thing is,
of course,
we have to grate these.
And short‐order guys
use a grater
that looks a lot like this.
Okay, now I know it just looks
like a box grater,
but see those holes?
Those are very large holes
and that's important
because we want the potatoes
to actually
be in individual strips,
okay, you see
how they stay separate,
and that requires
a really big strip.
Problem is,
most graters come from the store
looking like this.
Notice, holes are much,
much smaller.
So what does the clever
short‐order cook do?
He takes himself
some needle‐nose pliers,
he just puts it inside the holes
like this and kind
of pries them open.
It'll take you about 10 minutes,
just go to each hole
and knock that open.
All right,
and it's no big deal
because that costs
about 15 bucks.
All right,
so when the grating is done,
of course,
there's some cooking to be done.
And I don't expect you to go out
and get a nice,
big griddle like this,
because let's face it,
your place is a little
on the small side.
So what we want you to do
is to learn how to use this.
This is a 10‐inch
cast‐iron skillet.
It's very, very cheap
to procure.
And with just a little bit
of care,
it will become
one of your best friends.
And let's face it, you could use
some friends right about now.
[ Both laugh ]
Mr. B., you kill me.
Aw, thanks, Clarence,
it's nothing, really.
All right, go ahead
and give this a lift,
a little on the heavy side.
And take a look at that nice,
dark black surface.
That's a good cure right there.
Okay, the pan is over
medium‐low heat.
Now I want you to remove
the bacon off
to some paper towel to drain,
and then just pour, say,
1 tablespoon of that fat
directly into the pan.
There you go.
Hurry up, now check this out.
I have grated about half
of a potato,
but all that moisture
is going to kill us.
So I'm just going
to wring it out, there,
in a kitchen towel.
Now this goes directly
into the pan,
along with a heavy pinch
of kosher salt.
And we'll let this cook,
untouched,
for five minutes.
♪
All right, your hash browns
are looking good,
kind of sticking together there.
It's time to flip them
and you're going to do it.
Just take that flexible spatula,
dig down and just try
to roll that whole thing over,
there you go.
Yeah.
That's good.
Just kind of scatter
it out a little bit.
Yeah.
That's fine, that's fine.
All right, lower the heat
all the way down to low,
and we're going to set our timer
to five minutes.
We're not going to touch it.
Now, that will give us time
to deal with the eggs.
Now you know where eggs
come from, right?
Yes, that one's papier‐mâché,
but you got the right idea.
We're going to fry these
and it's not as hard
as you might think.
In fact, if I was cooking
with the hash browns,
I would just toss them
in the pan.
But, we're going to say
for the sake of argument
that we're doing them
separately.
And in that case,
you might want a different pan,
one that's made up ‐‐
Oh, hey, W.
Pay attention.
Eggs contain a lot of protein.
You can actually think of them
as liquid meat.
And what happens to proteins
when they cook?
They coagulate.
And that's why they stick
to pan surfaces.
Pans aren't really smooth,
not on the microscopic level
anyway.
So when it comes to eggs,
you want a non‐stick surface.
For one or two eggs, something
in the eight‐inch range will do.
And don't you ever, ever scrub
that with an abrasive
or I will hunt you down.
Oh, she'll do it, too.
I've heard
some pretty scary stories.
Okay, just because these eggs
are going to be fried,
doesn't mean they are going
to be fried hard, okay?
Low heat is key
in this operation.
So the pan goes over, we'll say,
two to three
on the heat index.
Okay, as for the eggs
themselves,
it is really important
that they go into the pan
at exactly the same time.
So we will crack them both
into this little bowl.
It's called a custard cup,
a very practical thing
to have around.
Always crack on a flat surface,
not on the edge
of a bowl or anything.
And hold the egg so
that it doesn't crack too much,
and then into the cup, there.
Now we are ready to go on that,
the pan is getting warm,
so one teaspoon
of butter right in the middle.
That's going
to foam up a little bit
as it melts because there's
water in the butter.
If the pan's too hot,
it will brown.
We don't want that.
That looks okay.
Okay, while I swirl that,
you want to give
those hash browns
a little bit
of a poke there, okay,
a little poke.
There you go.
Okay, come back over,
this is good.
The eggs go right in the middle.
A pinch of kosher salt,
there you go,
and we'll do
just a little grind of pepper,
and cover.
This way, the eggs
will actually steam on top
and they'll stay nice and soft.
Three minutes
for slightly runny yolks,
five minutes for hard set.
You are now a breakfast animal.
Yeah, wow.
You know,
next time I'll show you
how to do four or even six eggs
at a time with the hash browns
in the same pan.
Well you know,
Clarence, I think
that our work here
is just about done.
Hi, honey, I brought
all your laundry for the week.
And then again, maybe not.