Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 13, Episode 13 - The Proof Is in the Pudding - full transcript

HI, ALTON BROWN HERE.

AND I WANT TO TELL YOU
A RATHER PERSONAL STORY

THAT STARTED, OH, UM,
NINE MONTHS AGO

WHEN I WALKED
INTO THE EDITING ROOM

HERE AT "GOOD EATS" INDUSTRIES

AND SAW SOME DISTURBING IMAGES
FROZEN ON A SCREEN.

NOW I'M GONNA SHARE THEM
WITH YOU,

BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
THEY'RE SHOCKING AND DISGUSTING

IN THEIR NATURE.

SO HAVE A LOOK, WON'T YOU?

THIS WAS SHOT AT A CRAWFISH FARM
IN LOUISIANA.



YOU SEE THAT? THAT'S‐‐THAT'S ME.

AND THAT‐‐
THAT'S‐‐THAT'S ALSO ME, ALL ME.

OOH, LOOK AT THAT, ME.

AND THERE AGAIN, ME.

NOW NEEDLESS TO SAY,
I FIRED THE EDITOR,

DESTROYED THE TAPES
AND TRIED TO DENY THE FACT

THAT, WELL, I LOOK
LIKE MARLON BRANDO CIRCA 1979.

THE HORROR.
(airplane engine)

BUT THE NEXT MORNING,
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS,

I GOT ON THE BATHROOM SCALE.

AND WHAT DID IT SAY?

I DECIDED STANDING
THERE AND THEN

THAT EVERYTHING WOULD CHANGE

AND THAT I WOULD SHED 50 POUNDS
OF UGLY FAT.



NINE MONTHS LATER,

AND HERE'S THE 50 POUNDS
OF UGLY FAT I LOST.

PRETTY UGLY.

OF COURSE, THIS IS ACTUALLY
LARD, BUT YOU GET THE POINT.

THE ENTIRE STORY,
COMPLETE WITH HELPFUL TIPS,

CAN BE FOUND IN MY NEW MEMOIR,

"BUFF LIKE ME."

IT'S JUST THE WORKING TITLE.

I‐I FIGURED THERE'S NO HARM
IN TAKING TIME IN THIS PROGRAM

TO SHARE A FEW OF THE FOODS
THAT HELPED ME MOVE AWAY

FROM "APOCALYPSE NOW" BRANDO

AND JUST A LITTLE CLOSER TO
"STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE" BRANDO.

AND WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

IS THAT I DID IT ALL
ON A STEADY DIET OF...

♪

Closed Captions provided by
Scripps Networks, LLC.

Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

BEFORE WE GET STARTED,

MY ATTORNEYS
ITCHY AND TWITCHY

WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW

THAT I AM NEITHER A PHYSICIAN
NOR A DIETICIAN,

AND THAT THE INFORMATION
ABOUT TO BE PRESENTED IS, UH,

EXPERIENTIAL, EXPERIMENTAL
AND EXPLORATORY IN NATURE?

GUYS, I'M NOT, YOU KNOW,
TRYING TO SELL ANYTHING HERE.

I'M JUST‐‐OH.

UM, ALSO, I SHOULD STRESS THAT
BEFORE BEGINNING ANY DIET PLAN,

YOU SHOULD CONSULT
YOUR PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN?

SAY, "AAH."
AAH.
(makes choking sounds)

WAIT A SECOND.
WAIT A SECOND.

I‐I DIDN'T‐‐
I DIDN'T SEE A DOCTOR,

AND EVEN IF I HAD,
IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THIS GUY.

I MEAN, HE'S THE CAMERAMAN,
FOR GOODNESS SAKES.

LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS ISN'T ABOUT A DIET

IN THE MODERN AMERICAN SENSE,
OKAY,

BUT RATHER FROM
THE ORIGINAL MEANING

AS DERIVED FROM THE GREEK
DIAITA, MEANING "WAY OF LIFE."

NOW MY DIAITA
WAS WAY OUT OF WHACK, OKAY,

AND I JUST WANT TO SHARE
WITH THESE NICE FOLKS AT HOME

A FEW OF THE WAYS THAT
I WHIPPED IT BACK INTO SHAPE.

OKAY, SO I REALLY DON'T
NEED YOU FELLAS, OKAY?

AND BECAUSE MY WEIGHT IS DOWN,

MY CHOLESTEROL, TRIGLYCERIDES

AND RESTING HEART RATE
ARE ALL DOWN,

I WOULDN'T NEED YOU EVEN
IF YOU WERE A REAL DOCTOR,

WHICH HE'S NOT.

OOH.

TO YOUR CAR, GASOLINE IS ENERGY.

YOU PUT IT IN. IT GOES.

BUT LET'S SAY THAT YOU CAME IN
FOR A FILL‐UP, SAY, 20 GALLONS,

BUT YOU ONLY DROVE 10 MILES

BEFORE YOU CAME BACK
FOR ANOTHER 20 GALLONS.

NOW PRETTY SOON
YOU WOULD NEED MORE ROOM

TO STORE ALL THAT EXCESS ENERGY
YOUR CAR WASN'T GETTING TO USE.

WELL, THE SAME
IS TRUE OF YOUR BODY.

ENERGY‐DENSE FOODS,
LIKE PROCESSED STARCHES,

DESSERTS, MOST BAKED GOODS,
CANDY, ALCOHOL AND THE LIKE

PROVIDE A LOT OF ENERGY,

AND UNLESS YOU USE IT BY,
I DON'T KNOW,

RUNNING A MARATHON EVERY DAY,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO FIND A PLACE

TO PUT WHAT YOU DON'T USE,
LIKE HERE OR HERE

OR HERE.

BUT‐‐

UM, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME, SIR. SIR.

UM, WOULD YOU MIND

IF I JUST BORROWED THIS DOUGHNUT
FOR JUST A SECOND?

I‐‐I'LL BRING IT BACK.
I'LL BRING IT BACK.

SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL‐‐

THIS ORANGE CONTAINS
ABOUT THE SAME AMOUNT

OF POTENTIAL ENERGY,
WHICH WE CALL CALORIES,

AS THIS TASTY TIDBIT
OF GLAZED DONUT.

THE ORANGE, HOWEVER,
IS CONSIDERABLY LARGER

BECAUSE IT ALSO CONTAINS WATER,
FIBER, COMPLEX CARBOHYDRATES‐‐

THE KIND THAT DON'T GO DIRECTLY
TO YOUR BACKSIDE‐‐

VITAMINS, MINERALS,
PHYTOCHEMICALS, ANTIOXIDANTS,

ALL OF WHICH JUST SO HAPPEN
TO BE REALLY GOOD FOR YOU.

SO THIS IS NUTRIENT‐DENSE,

WHILE THIS IS
MERELY ENERGY‐DENSE.

THAT IS
AN IMPORTANT DISTINCTION.

NOW I SET OUT TO INCREASE
MY NUTRITION‐TO‐ENERGY RATIO,

AND TO DO THAT,

I CAME UP WITH
THE PLAN OF FOUR LISTS.

OH, UM,
HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING

FOR YOUR CABOOSE,
MY FRIEND.

THE PLAN OF THE FOUR LISTS

IS ALL ABOUT PRIORITIZING
MY CULINARY INPUT.

ALL RIGHT, NOW HERE IS LIST ONE.

THESE ARE THE FOODS
THAT I MUST CONSUME...

(snaps fingers) DAILY,

AND THOSE INCLUDE FRUITS,
WHOLE GRAINS,

LEAFY GREENS, NUTS, CARROTS
AND GREEN TEA,

WHICH WE'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH
ON ANOTHER SHOW.

LIST NUMBER TWO INCLUDES
THE FOODS THAT I NEED TO CONSUME

AT LEAST... (snaps fingers)
THREE TIMES A WEEK, AT LEAST.

AND THOSE INCLUDE
OILY FISH, YOGURT,

BROCCOLI, SWEET POTATOES
AND AVOCADO.

NOW LIST NUMBER THREE,

NOW THAT'S WHEN
DISCIPLINE COMES ON LINE.

THESE ARE THE FOODS THAT I ALLOW
MYSELF BUT... (snaps fingers)

ONE TIME A WEEK.

THEY INCLUDE RED MEAT, PASTA,

ALL DESSERTS AND ALCOHOL.

THAT'S RIGHT, KIDS,
ONE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE A WEEK,

BUT I DO MAKE IT A NICE BIG ONE
AND, OF COURSE, A MARTINI.

SEE, UNFORTUNATELY,

THIS IS ABOUT AS ENERGY‐DENSE
NUTRITION LIGHT AS YOU CAN GET.

OOH, NICE IDEA, THING,

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, TWO OLIVES
DO NOT A SALAD MAKE.

MMM.

THERE IS ONE MORE LIST
TO CONSIDER.

THIS IS MY "DO NOT EAT" LIST,

THE FOODS I CONSUME...
(snaps fingers)

ZERO TIMES A WEEK.

THIS LIST INCLUDES FAST FOOD,
SODA POP‐‐

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF CLUB SODA,
THAT'S OKAY‐‐

PROCESSED MEALS‐‐
TV DINNERS AND THE LIKE‐‐

CANNED SOUPS‐‐
GENERALLY FULL OF SODIUM‐‐

AND ANYTHING WITH
THE WORD "DIET" ON IT

BECAUSE, AFTER ALL,
I'M NOT ON A DIET.

BESIDES, THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS

HAVE SO DEADENED
OUR COLLECTIVE PALATES

THAT WE CAN'T EVEN TASTE
HOW SWEET REAL SWEET EVEN IS

WHEN WE GET IT.

SO THAT IS THE LAST
OF THE LISTS.

THERE IS, HOWEVER,
ONE OTHER RULE I EAT BY,

AND IT'S A SIMPLE ONE‐‐
BREAKFAST...

(snaps fingers) EACH
AND EVERY DAY, NO EXCEPTIONS.

MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS
ALL AGREE THAT BREAKFAST...

BREAKFAST IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.

SEVERAL STUDIES
HAVE FOUND THAT

PEOPLE WHO MAINTAIN SIGNIFICANT
AMOUNTS OF WEIGHT LOSS

ROUTINELY EAT BREAKFAST.

WOULD YOU PLEASE GET BACK
BEHIND THE CAMERA?

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD REALLY GET
THAT MOLE LOOKED AT.
AAH‐‐CAMERA, NOW.

IF YOU WOULD HIRE ACTORS,

I WOULDN'T HAVE TO JUMP AROUND
LIKE A MONKEY ALL THE TIME.
WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

SPEAKING OF BREAKFAST, UM,
I LIKE MINE PURPLE.

♪

MY FAVORITE PERSONAL PURPLE
DELIVERY DEVICE

IS THE SMOOTHIE,

AND IF I HAD A THEORY
OF SMOOTHIE RELATIVITY,

IT WOULD STATE THAT
HALF OF A SMOOTHIE'S MASS

SHOULD COME IN LIQUID FORM.

AND, OF COURSE,
PURPLE LIQUID WOULD BE BETTER.

NOW I LIKE POMEGRANATE.
I LIKE CONCORD GRAPE.

AND I LIKE ACAI JUICE
FOR THEIR FLAVOR

AND FOR THEIR HIGH LEVEL
OF ANTIOXIDANTS.

SO I'M GONNA GO
WITH THE ACAI TODAY.

UM, I ALSO LIKE TO GET
A LITTLE MORE PROTEIN

IN MY SMOOTHIES,

AND FOR THAT,
I REACH FOR SOY MILK.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I DON'T REALLY DRINK MUCH
DAIRY AT ALL ANYMORE

BECAUSE, WELL, MILK USED
TO TELL ME TO DO BAD THINGS.

HEY, MR. B.
WANT SOME NICE WARM COOKIES?

NO. NO! I DON'T WANT ANY
NICE WARM COOKIES.

WHAT? YOU CHICKEN?
I AM NOT CHICKEN.
YOU STOP THAT!

OH! WE ALL, YOU KNOW,
HAVE OUR PERSONAL DEMONS.

ANYWAY, UM, MAKE SURE
YOUR SOY MILK IS LOW‐FAT

AND ENRICHED WITH
BOTH PROTEIN

AND, UH, VITAMIN B12,

WHICH MOST OF THEM ARE.

ALL RIGHT,
ON TO THE FRUIT.
(clucking)

I ALWAYS INCLUDE FOUR TYPES,
STARTING WITH THE PURPLE‐‐

BLUEBERRIES AND/OR BLACKBERRIES,

WHICH I REALIZE
AREN'T TECHNICALLY PURPLE,

BUT YOU GET THE POINT.

STRAWBERRIES ARE ALWAYS
IN MY SMOOTHIES‐‐

A LOT OF VITAMIN C, SOME
BRIGHT ACIDITY, FIBER, NICE.

UM, CHERRIES AND GRAPES
ARE FAVORITES,

BUT THEY'RE TOO PULPY
FOR SMOOTHIES.

I USUALLY GO WITH SOMETHING
ORANGE OR YELLOW IN FLESH COLOR,

LIKE PEACHES AND, OOH,
MANGOES DEFINITELY A FAVORITE.

NOW WE ALL KNOW
THAT FRESH FRUIT IS BEST, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY WHEN IT COMES
TO SMOOTHIES, NOT SO MUCH.

WANT SOME COOKIES?

IN FACT, ALL OF MY SMOOTHIE
FODDER STAYS FROZEN,

BEGINNING WITH BANANAS,

WHICH I LIKE FOR THEIR CREAMY
ICE CREAM‐LIKE TEXTURE

AND THEIR HIGH AMOUNTS
OF POTASSIUM.

I BUY THEM ON THE SALE TABLE

WHEN THEY'RE ALL STREAKED WITH
BROWN AND NOBODY WANTS THEM,

BUT THEY'RE ACTUALLY PERFECTLY
RIPE ON THE INSIDE.

I TAKE THEM STRAIGHT HOME, PEEL
'EM, WRAP 'EM AND FREEZE THEM.

GET THEM FOR ABOUT
35 CENTS A BUNCH.

EVERYTHING ELSE I BUY I. Q. F.
OR INDIVIDUALLY QUICK FROZEN.

SUCH FRUITS ARE ECONOMICAL.

THEY'RE HIGH QUALITY, COMPLETELY
PREPPED AND READY TO GO.

IN OTHER WORDS,
THEY'RE CONVENIENT.

NOW THAT WE'VE ASSEMBLED
OUR SOFTWARE,

TIME TO CONTEMPLATE
THE HARDWARE.

(electronic beeping)

NOW TO MY MIND,
A WORTHY SMOOTHIE ENGINE

MUST POSSESS
THE FOLLOWING FEATURES, OKAY.

ONE, IT'S RELATIVELY HEAVY.

THIS ONE WEIGHS IN AT 11 POUNDS,

SO WE KNOW THERE'S
A SERIOUS POWER PLANT INSIDE.

NUMBER TWO, CHECK OUT
THE CARAFE DESIGN.

IT SHOULD BE SQUARED
RATHER THAN CYLINDRICAL

BECAUSE FOOD TENDS TO JUST SPIN
AROUND INSIDE A CYLINDER.

IT'LL BE MADE OF PLASTIC
OR POLYCARBONATE...
(dull knocking sound)

RATHER THAN BREAKABLE GLASS.

AND THE BLADE ASSEMBLY
WILL BE FIXED.

YES, IT'LL BE
A LITTLE TRICKIER TO CLEAN,

BUT AT LEAST IT WON'T COME APART
DURING A BLENDING SESSION.

THAT WOULD BE BAD.

NOW TAKE A LOOK AT THE LID.

IT SHOULD BE HEAVY
AND VERY FIRM FITTING.

ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S QUITE IMPORTANT.

NUMBER FOUR,
ALL SMOOTHIE ENGINES POSSESS

A VARIABLE SPEED CONTROL.

THIS IS MAYBE THE MOST CRITICAL
CHARACTERISTIC OF ALL.

AND, OH, NUMBER FIVE‐‐JUST IN
CASE YOUR FRUIT BINDS UP,

YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE
YOUR MODEL COMES WITH A PLUNGER.

IF YOU TRIED TO USE SOMETHING
LIKE A WOODEN SPOON

OR STICK OR SOMETHING,

YOU'LL BE VERY, VERY SORRY.

AS FOR THE ROBOTICS,
THOSE ARE COMPLETELY OPTIONAL.

♪

NOW 24 OUNCES

IS A PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE
SMOOTHIE SIZE FOR ME,

BUT I DON'T MEAN
VOLUME METRICALLY.

I WANT TO GO WITH A WEIGHT.

AND TO KEEP THINGS EASY,
WE'LL SAY 4 OUNCES

OF EACH OF THE SIX COMPONENTS.

THE SIMPLEST WAY TO DOSE
THIS OUT, OF COURSE,

IS A SCALE THAT HAS A ZERO‐OUT
OR TEAR FUNCTION.

SO WE'LL START WITH ACAI JUICE,
4 OUNCES,

AND ZERO OUT THE SCALE.

AND THE SOY MILK, THERE WE GO.

I USUALLY START
WITH THE LIQUIDS‐‐

ZERO THAT OUT‐‐'CAUSE
IT'S EASIER ON THE BLENDER.

THEN BRING ON THE SOLID STUFF,
SUCH AS THE BANANAS.

I ALWAYS CUT THOSE INTO PIECES,
MAKES IT EASIER.

STRAWBERRIES, THE PEACHES
AND FINALLY THE BLUEBERRIES,

ZEROING OUT AFTER EACH ADDITION.

HERE'S MY LITTLE TRICK.

I ASSEMBLE THE SOFTWARE AT NIGHT
RIGHT BEFORE I GO TO BED,

STASH THE CARAFE
IN THE REFRIGERATOR

SO THAT THE FRUIT WILL THAW
JUST ENOUGH

FOR THE BLENDER TO GET
A GOOD HOLD OF IT COME MORNING.

ALL RIGHT, WITH EVERYTHING IN,

YOU'RE GONNA BE TEMPTED
TO JUST FLIP THE SWITCH

AND SMOOTHIE AWAY.

BUT, BELIEVE ME,
THERE'S PROCESS HERE,

A RIGHT WAY OF DOING THINGS.

SO MAKE SURE THAT
THE VARIABLE SPEED CONTROL

IS ALL THE WAY DOWN,
WHATEVER ITS LOWEST POINT IS.

TURN ON THE POWER,
AND SLOWLY BOOST THE SPEED

TO ABOUT ONE‐THIRD POWER,
ALL RIGHT.

AND THEN JUST LET
THE MACHINE CHEW ON

THOSE BIG PIECES OF FRUIT FOR,
YEAH, PROBABLY ABOUT 30 SECONDS.

ALL RIGHT, WHEN THE MIXTURE
STARTS TO LOOK MORE LIKE

A LIQUID THAN A SOLID,

GO AHEAD AND BOOST THE SPEED
UNTIL YOU START TO SEE A VORTEX,

LIKE LITTLE‐‐
A LITTLE TORNADO FORM.

THERE. THERE. THERE.
THAT'S GOOD.

IF YOU BOOST THE SPEED ANY MORE
AT THIS POINT,

THE MIXTURE'S SO VISCOUS

THAT THE VORTEX WILL JUST TAKE
A BIG GULP OF AIR

AND, AH, WELL, THERE.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS.

THE LITTLE VORTEX
SUCKED IN SOME AIR,

AND NOW THE‐‐THE BLADE IS JUST
BOUND UP INTO A BIG BUBBLE.

SO ALL WE CAN REALLY DO
IS WAIT FOR THE BURP.

SO LET'S START OVER AGAIN
AT THE LOWEST SPEED

AND THEN BRING IT UP
VERY SLOWLY.

THERE. THAT'S A GOOD VORTEX.

LET THIS SIT AND SPIN
FOR ABOUT 30 MORE SECONDS.

ALL RIGHT, AT THIS POINT, THINGS
ARE LOOKING PRETTY SMOOTH.

AND I WANT IT TO TAKE IN
A LITTLE BIT OF AIR

AND BECOME A LITTLE BIT
MORE HOMOGENOUS.

SO I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND BOOST
THE SPEED BY ANOTHER 25%

AND LET IT RUN
FOR ONE SOLID MINUTE.

MMM.

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS,
IS MY DAILY BREAKFAST.

IT TASTES FANTASTIC,

AND IT'S FULL
OF NUTRITIONAL STUFF LIKE...

♪

THESE DAYS,
WHEN I GO OUT IN THE WORLD,

I MAKE SURE I HAVE
IN MY POSSESSION

A CAN
OF LIGHTLY SMOKED BRISLINGS.

NOW IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR
WITH THESE FISH,

BRISLING ARE EUROPEAN SPRAT

OR SMALL KIND OF HERRING‐LIKE
SHOALING FISH

FOUND AROUND THE NORTH ATLANTIC.

ALTHOUGH THEY ARE RARELY
AVAILABLE IN FRESH FORM,

CAN VERSIONS FOR
THEIR CLEAN FLAVOR,

DELICATE TEXTURE
AND PLEASANTLY OCEANIC AROMA

ARE FAVORITES
OF "SEAFOODIES" EVERYWHERE.

AND, BEST OF ALL,
BRISLING ARE PACKED

WITH OMEGA‐3 FATTY ACIDS

SUCH AS EICOSAPENTAENOIC

AND, UH, DOCOSAHEXAENOIC ACIDS.

I'M SURE YOU GET "THE LANCET"

AND CAN LOOK THOSE BIG WORDS UP
FOR YOURSELVES.

REST ASSURED, THEY ARE
VERY GOOD FOR THE HEART.

AND SINCE THESE ARE
TINY LITTLE FISH,

THEIR BONES ARE ACTUALLY EDIBLE,

SO THEY'RE VERY HIGH IN CALCIUM,

PERHAPS THE MOST CRUCIAL MINERAL
FOR WEIGHT LOSS

BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO PREVENT
THE BODY FROM STACKING ON FAT

AND MAY EVEN HELP YOU
TO GET RID OF IT.

AND, OF COURSE, BEING FISH,

BRISLING ARE FULL OF PROTEIN,
LOTS OF PROTEIN,

WHICH YOU'RE GONNA NEED
TO REBUILD... (groans)

ALL THOSE MUSCLES
YOU'VE BEEN TEARING DOWN

WITH ALL THE WEIGHT‐‐
I GOT IT. I GOT IT‐‐

THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE LIFTING.

I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
(crashing sound)

♪

NOW THESE LITTLE GUYS ARE PACKED

IN MY PREFERRED
2‐LAYER CONFIGURATION

IN OLIVE OIL.

NOW WATER‐PACKED SPECIMENS
ARE LOWER IN CALORIES,

BUT THEY'RE NOWHERE NEAR
AS TASTY.

BESIDES, I DRAIN MOST
OF THE OIL BEFORE CONSUMING.

AND I LIKE TO EAT
WITH CHOPSTICKS,

WHICH PROMOTE SLOWER EATING,

WHICH STUDIES HAVE SHOWN IS KEY

TO ACHIEVING AND MAINTAINING

A HEALTHY WEIGHT.

MMM. GO AHEAD.
TAKE A COUPLE OF CANS.

(dramatic music)

WHAT?

(record scratches)

OKAY, SO I COVERED UP THE LABEL.

BUT, LOOK, THIS IS
ALL PSYCHOLOGICAL.

I MEAN, YOU YELL "BRISLING,"

AND EVERYBODY SAYS, "HUH? WHAT?"

YOU YELL "SARDINE,"

AND WE GOT OURSELVES A PANIC

ON THE 4th OF JULY.

SORRY, I JUST CAN'T PASS UP
A "JAWS" QUOTE.

BUT, SERIOUSLY, NEARLY A DOZEN
DIFFERENT SPECIES OF SMALL FISH

ARE PACKED AND‐‐AND MARKETED
AS SARDINES,

INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO,
BLUE PILCHARD,

HERRING, PILCHARD,
SMIG‐‐WHATEVER THAT IS‐‐

AND SPRATS.

SOME OF THESE THINGS GROW UP
TO 10 INCHES,

AND WHEN THEY'RE CANNED,

WELL, THEY'RE JUST
RIGHT DOWN DISGUSTING.

BUT TINY LITTLE BRISLINGS
FROM NORWAY OR SCOTLAND

REMAIN SWEET IN THE CAN.

AND, NO, THEY DON'T PAY ME
TO SAY THAT.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE TEMPER
ANY POSSIBLE FISHINESS

THE WAY THEY DO DOWN
IN THE CANARY ISLANDS

BY COMBINING OUR BRISLING
WITH AVOCADOES, OKAY?

SO CRACK THE LIDS ON TWO CANS
OF BRISLING,

PACKED IN OIL, OF COURSE,

AND DRAIN THE OIL
INTO TWO MATCHING BOWLS.

YOU SHOULD GET ABOUT
A TABLESPOON OF OIL OUT OF EACH.

INTO ONE BOWL, WHISK 1
TABLESPOON OF SHERRY VINEGAR.

THEN ADD A TABLESPOON
OF FRESHLY CHOPPED PARSLEY

AND ABOUT A 1/4 TEASPOON
OF FRESH LEMON ZEST

AND A GOOD GRIND
OF BLACK PEPPER.

WHISK AND THEN ADD BOTH CANS
OF THE FISH.

FOLD THEM IN
NICE AND GENTLE‐LIKE

SO YOU DON'T BREAK THEM APART.

BUT YOU DO WANT GOOD COVERAGE
FOR THE MARINADE.

NOW PARK THAT SOMEPLACE

FOR ANYWHERE FROM 15 MINUTES
TO AN HOUR.

ALL RIGHT, MOVE ONE
OF YOUR OVEN RACKS

TO WITHIN 3 INCHES
OF YOUR TOP ELEMENT

AND CRACK YOUR HOT BOX TO BROIL,

HIGH BROIL IF YOU GOT IT.

NOW CUT 4 1/2‐INCH SLICES
OF SOURDOUGH BREAD,

AND BRUSH THEM DOWN WITH THE OIL
FROM THE SECOND MIXING BOWL.

THERE.

BROIL UNTIL LIGHTLY TOASTED.

THAT'S GONNA BE‐‐OW‐‐
TWO TO THREE MINUTES IN MY OVEN,

BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOURS,

SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO KEEP AN EYE
ON IT EVERY 60 SECONDS OR SO,

OR THE NEXT SOUND YOU HEAR...
(beeping)

MAY BE THE SMOKE ALARM.

ALL RIGHT, GRAB YOURSELF
ONE RIPE HASS AVOCADO,

HALVE IT, REMOVE THE PIT,

AND THEN GRAB YOURSELF A FORK,
AND SIMPLY MASH THE FLESH,

BOTH SIDES, DIRECTLY INTO
THE SKIN LIKE THAT.

THERE YOU GO.

REMOVE THE TOAST WHEN DONE,

AND THEN EVENLY DISTRIBUTE
YOUR PROTO‐GUACAMOLE

ONTO THE SLICES.

KIND OF SPREAD IT AROUND
WITH A‐‐WITH A SPATULA.

THERE.

THEN YOU'RE GONNA DISTRIBUTE
THE FISH EVENLY,

ALONG WITH THE MARINADE,
ONTO THE TOAST

AND KIND OF MASH IT IN
SO THAT IT HOLDS.

GARNISH FINELY WITH A TABLESPOON
OF PARSLEY.

HIT IT WITH SOME COARSE
SEA SALT, NICE AND CRUNCHY THAT,

AND A BIG HEAVY SQUIRT
OF LEMON JUICE.

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT,
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MUCH,

BUT THIS IS A NUTRITIOUS
AND DELICIOUS MEAL

THAT I COULD EAT FOR BREAKFAST,

LUNCH OR DINNER.

MMM.

♪

FOR ME, THE SHIFT
FROM AN ENERGY‐DENSE DIET

TO A NUTRITIONALLY DENSE DIET

WAS ESPECIALLY HARD

BECAUSE IT MEANT SAYING FAREWELL
TO MY BELOVED SNACKS.

BYE‐BYE, NOUGAT AND CARAMEL
AND CRISP COOKIE CRUNCH.
(ship horn blowing)

BYE‐BYE, PRETZELS

AND CHOCOLATE‐COVERED
EVERYTHING.
(ship horn blowing)

LUCKILY, SNACKING, PER SE,
WASN'T THE PROBLEM.

IN FACT, GRAZING HELPS
TO KEEP THE METABOLISM GOING,

THUS PREVENTING YOU FROM
LAUNCHING ON RAVENOUS RAMPAGES

EVERY TIME YOU SIT DOWN
TO A MEAL.

OF COURSE,
ONE MUST SNACK WISELY.

AND I WANTED SOMETHING THAT WAS,
YOU KNOW, HAND‐FRIENDLY

AND CRUNCHY AND SATISFYING,

AS WELL AS‐‐AS HEALTHY.

AND SO I SETTLED ON THE ONLY NUT
ON THE FAMED MAYO CLINIC'S LIST

OF TEN SUPER FOODS‐‐

THE ALMOND.

HOT BOX TO 250,

RACK IN THE MIDDLE.

NOW COMBINE 1 TABLESPOON
OF GROUND GINGER

AND 1 TEASPOON OF KOSHER SALT
IN A REALLY BIG MIXING BOWL

AND SET ASIDE.

FETCH DOWN A 12‐INCH SAUTé PAN,

PLACE IT OVER MEDIUM‐LOW HEAT,

AND ADD 2 TEASPOONS OF OLIVE OIL

AND 1 TEASPOON
OF DARK SESAME OIL.

WHEN THAT HEATS UP,
TAKE ONE DRIED ARBOL CHILI,

BREAK OFF THE END
AND REMOVE THE SEEDS,

WHICH ARE REALLY, REALLY HOT,

AND THEN CRUMBLE THE CHILI
DIRECTLY INTO THE OIL.

LET THAT COOK
FOR 30 TO 45 SECONDS

OR UNTIL YOU CAN ACTUALLY SMELL
THE CHILIES IN THE AIR.

THERE YOU GO.

NOW ADD 1 POUND
OF WHOLE NATURAL ALMONDS

AND TOSS, COOKING, FOR
APPROXIMATELY FIVE MINUTES,

UNTIL THEY BECOME NICE
AND TOASTY.

THEN TIME TO BRING IN
SOME FLAVOR.

A TABLESPOON
OF LOW‐SODIUM SOY SAUCE

AND WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE.

I'LL LET THAT COOK
FOR ABOUT ONE MINUTE

UNTIL THE PAN
SEEMS RELATIVELY DRY.

AND IT'S GONNA GET KIND OF BROWN
AND STICKY ON THE BOTTOM.

THAT'S OKAY.

THEN IT'S TIME TO EVACUATE
INTO THE BOWL.

AND TOSS WITH
THE GINGER/SALT COMBO THUSLY.

THEN MOVE EVERYTHING
ONTO A SHEET PAN

LINED WITH A PIECE
OF PARCHMENT PAPER.

AND MAKE SURE YOU GET 'EM
EVENLY DISPERSED.

ALL RIGHT, INTO THE OVEN
FOR 20 MINUTES.

THIS BAKING WILL SET
THE OUTER LAYER

SO THAT THE FLAVORS STAY PUT

WITHOUT THE NUTS FEELING STICKY.

COOL FOR HALF AN HOUR AND ENJOY.

NOW A HANDFUL OF ALMONDS

CAN PROVIDE A MEDICINE CHEST
OF GOODNESS

FROM MONOUNSATURATED FATS
TO VITAMINS,

FIBER, PROTEIN TO MAGNESIUM,

WHICH IS CRITICAL
FOR YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM.

STILL, THERE ARE CALORIES HERE,

SO I LIMIT MY DOSAGE TO 1 OUNCE
ONCE OR TWICE A DAY.

DISCIPLINE.

SPEAKING OF, REACHING
AND MAINTAINING A HEALTHY WEIGHT

TAKES PLENTY OF THE "D" WORD.

IT TAKES DISCIPLINE
TO WEIGH REGULARLY,

TO EAT SLOWLY,
TO KEEP TO YOUR LISTS,

TO TAKE CONTROL OVER WHAT GOES
INTO THE HOLE IN YOUR HEAD.

NOW IT HAS HELPED ME
TO KEEP A VISUAL REMINDER

ABOUT WHERE I AM ON THE JOURNEY.

MAYBE I'LL ADD A LITTLE MORE
TO THIS BLOCK,

MAKE A COFFEE TABLE SOMEDAY,

BUT UNTIL THEN, NICE.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME
ON "GOOD EATS."