Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 12, Episode 9 - American Classics III: Creole in a Bowl - full transcript



HELLO, FELLOW AMERICAN COOKS.

IT IS TIME ONCE AGAIN

TO CELEBRATE
CLASSIC AMERICAN CUISINE

HERE ON "GOOD EATS."

IN THIS SPINNING RAFFLE DRUM

THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF CARDS,

AND ON EACH CARD
THERE IS A NAME OF A DISH

FROM THE GREAT AMERICAN MENU,

AND ONE OF THESE
LUCKY APPLICATIONS

IS ABOUT TO GET THE PATENTED
"GOOD EATS" GO-OVER.



AND TODAY'S LUCKY DISH IS...

OOH, HOT DIGGITY DOG,
ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITES--

THE OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD
POSTER DISH FOR NEW ORLEANS

RED BEANS AND RICE.

IT'S HISTORIC. IT'S NUTRITIOUS.
IT'S NOT A LOT OF WORK.

AND WITH JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING,

IT IS ABSO-DEFINITE-TIVELY...

¶

Closed Captions provided by
Scripps Networks, LLC.

Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

NO DISH REPRESENTS
CREOLE CUISINE

LIKE BEANS AND RICE.

AND BY CREOLE, WE MEAN
THE CUISINE OF NEW ORLEANS,

RIGHT?



WELL, NOT SO FAST.

TRUTH IS, NEW ORLEANS
IS THE GREAT NORTHERN CAPITAL

OF A CREOLE EMPIRE

ENCOMPASSING CUBA, PUERTO RICO
AND MOST OF THE WEST INDIES.

IT IS HERE THAT THE OLD WORLD
AND THE NEW,

THE LIGHT AND THE DARK,
THE INDIGENOUS AND THE IMPERIAL

FIRST CONVERGED.

SO WE WILL DIVIDE
OUR GROCERY LIST

ALONG CULTURAL LINES.

FIRST STOP, AFRICA.

NOW BY THE 17th CENTURY,
WEST AFRICANS KIDNAPPED

AND PUT TO HARD LABOR
ON SUGARCANE PLANTATIONS

HAD BECOME THE MAJORITY
POPULATION IN THE ISLANDS.

FORTUNATELY,
THEY BROUGHT THEIR WISDOM

OF NUTRITIOUS BEANS WITH THEM.

NOW ALTHOUGH PIGEON PEAS
RULED IN THE LESSER ANTILLES

AND BLACK BEANS IN CUBA
AND CENTRAL AMERICA,

IN PUERTO RICO,
JAMAICA AND NEW ORLEANS,

THE RED KIDNEY
IS THE ONCE AND FUTURE BEAN.

NOW NEW ORLEANS COOKS TEND
TO PREFER SMALLER VARIETIES,

BUT I SAY THAT IF
IT'S RED AND KIDNEY-SHAPED,

IT IS WELCOME IN MY POT.

AH, CANNED BEANS--
THEY MAY BE A TEMPTATION,

BUT DON'T DO IT.

THE SLOW RELEASE OF STARCH THAT
COMES FROM COOKING DRY BEANS

IS CRITICAL
TO RED BEAN AND RICE SUCCESS.

SLAVERY WAS ABOLISHED
IN THE BRITISH WEST INDIES

IN 1833,

LEAVING THE PLANTATIONS THERE
WOEFULLY UNDERSTAFFED.

THIS DEFICIT WAS FILLED
WITH INDENTURED SERVANTS

FROM CHINA AND INDIA,
BOTH, OF COURSE, RICE CULTURES.

NOW LONG-GRAIN RICES
ARE THE STANDARD

FOR MOST BEAN AND RICE DISHES,

AND I PREFER TO STICK
WITH LOCALLY GROWN PRODUCT.

NOW THIS IS AN AMERICAN BASMATI

THAT WAS PROBABLY GROWN
EITHER IN TEXAS,

LOUISIANA OR ARKANSAS.

WHATEVER YOU DO,
PLEASE AVOID PARBOILED,

CONVERTED
AND BOIL-IN-THE-BAG RICES.

NEXT STOP,
THE EUROPEAN CONTINENT.

IN THE SULTRY CARIBBEAN CLIMATE,
MIREPOIX,

THE UBIQUITOUS CHORUS OF ONION,
CARROT AND CELERY

ON WHICH SO MUCH FRENCH CUISINE
IS CONSTRUCTED,

AND SOFRITO,

THE TOMATO, GARLIC
AND PEPPER FOUNDATION

SO CRITICAL TO SPAIN'S PLATE,
COMBINED

TO GIVE BIRTH TO WHAT
IS NOW KNOWN AS THE TRINITY--

ONE ONION, TWO GREEN PEPPERS

THREE STALKS OF CELERY.

NOW MOST
RED BEAN AND RICE APPLICATIONS

ALSO CALL FOR TWO DRY HERBS
FROM EUROPE--

BAY AND THYME.

AND AS FOR THE NEW WORLD,

WELL, WE CAN NEVER FORGET
CAYENNE PEPPER,

A NOD TO THE FIERY FOODS
OF JAMAICA, MON.

NOW OUR FINAL INGREDIENT
IS LESSER KNOWN

BUT 100% NEW ORLEANS.

IN THE DAYS
BEFORE REFRIGERATION,

MOST OF THE PORK
THAT WAS SLAUGHTERED

IN HOT AND HUMID NEW ORLEANS,
OR IN THAT AREA,

WAS PRESERVED,
NOT BY SMOKING BUT BY PICKLING.

NOW TRUE RED BEANS AND RICE
IS INDEED SEASONED

WITH THE TANGY GOODNESS
OF PICKLED PORK,

AND ONCE YOU TASTE IT,
YOU'LL KNOW WHY.

NOW I'LL GRANT YOU,
IT'S PRETTY TOUGH STUFF TO FIND

OUTSIDE OF LOUISIANA,
BUT LUCKILY WE CAN MAKE OUR OWN

WITH JUST A LITTLE
PLAIN OLD PORK BUTT.

GETTING OUR PORK INTO A PICKLE

WILL REQUIRE A FEW WITHDRAWALS
FROM THE OLD SPICE CABINET.

WE REQUIRE 2 TABLESPOONS
OF YELLOW MUSTARD SEEDS,

LET'S SEE, A TABLESPOON
OF CELERY SEEDS,

ONE SINGLE BAY LEAF,

1/4 TEASPOON
OF BLACK PEPPERCORNS,

2 TABLESPOONS
OF YOUR FAVORITE HOT SAUCE,

1 CUP OF CIDER VINEGAR,

LET'S SEE,
2 TABLESPOONS OF SUGAR,

1/4 CUP OF KOSHER SALT

AND LAST, BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST,

SIX WHOLE GARLIC CLOVES,

PEELED AND CRUSHED.

THANK YOU, THING.

NEXT UP...

FETCH DOWN YOUR FAVORITE
MEDIUM SAUCEPAN.

DUMP IN EVERYTHING

ALONG WITH 2 CUPS
OF NICE, CLEAN WATER.

PUT THE SPURS TO THAT,
HIGH HEAT,

AND BRING TO A BOIL.

THEN REDUCE THE HEAT
AND HOLD A SIMMER

FOR A MERE THREE MINUTES.

THEN KILL THE HEAT
AND ADD 8 OUNCES,

BY WEIGHT, OF ICE
TO COOL THINGS DOWN.

MEANWHILE, THE MEAT.

WE WILL CUBE
A POUND-AND-1/2 HUNK

OF BONELESS PORK BUTT.

THAT'S SHOULDER, OF COURSE,
NOT, YOU KNOW.

UM, I GENERALLY GO
WITH 2-INCH PIECES,

BUT ABSOLUTE UNIFORMITY
IS NOT REQUIRED.

NOW WHEN YOU'VE GOT
YOUR PIECES DONE,

SIMPLY MOVE THEM INTO

A HEAVY-DUTY FREEZER-STYLE
ZIP-TOP BAG,

AND WHEN THE PICKLE HAS COOLED,

POUR IT ON.

AND BE SURE TO GET
ALL OF THE BITS AND PIECES

OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF THE POT.

WE NEED THOSE, TOO.

NOW REMOVE AS MUCH AIR
FROM THE BAG AS POSSIBLE

AND THEN PUT IT IN SOME
KIND OF DRIP CONTAINMENT UNIT

AND REFRIGERATE FOR A MINIMUM
OF THREE DAYS.

AND BE SURE YOU TURN THE BAG
A COUPLE TIMES A DAY

JUST TO KEEP THE PICKLE
PROPERLY DISTRIBUTED.

NOW YOU CAN CERTAINLY STORE IT
IN THERE FOR UP TO TWO WEEKS,

BUT AFTER THAT, I WOULD PROBABLY
TAKE IT OUT, DRAIN IT

AND FREEZE IT,
WHICH IS A GOOD IDEA.

THIS WAY YOU NEVER,
EVER RUN OUT.

TIME TO CONTEMPLATE THE BEANS.

ALTHOUGH PROCESSORS DO
A PRETTY GOOD JOB

OF SORTING AND CLEANING,

THE OCCASIONAL BEAN-SIZED PEBBLE

DOES GET THROUGH.

A CURSORY SORT
IS CHEAP INSURANCE

AGAINST MOLAR MOLESTATION.

THESE ARE GOOD TO GO.

ALTHOUGH THE THICK,
SPICY GRAVY-LIKE

BLANKET OF BEANS
THAT WILL BATHE OUR RICE

CAN BE PREPARED VIA A WIDE ARRAY
OF METHODS,

ONE THING TO MY MIND
IS NONNEGOTIABLE,

AND THAT IS THE VESSEL.

THE DEED MUST BE DONE
IN A CAST-IRON DUTCH OVEN.

7 QUARTS WOULD BE
THE IDEAL SIZE, OF COURSE.

A TIGHT-FITTING LID
IS ALWAYS A PLUS.

DOWN.

OUR HERO VESSEL
GOES OVER MEDIUM-HIGH HEAT,

AND WE WILL LUBE UP THE INTERIOR

WITH 2 TABLESPOONS
OF VEGETABLE OIL.

NOW WHEN THAT BEGINS TO SHIMMER
WITH HEAT,

IN GO THE AROMATICS.

THAT'S ONE ONION--CHOPPED,

THREE STALKS OF CELERY--CHOPPED

AND TWO GREEN BELL PEPPERS--
TREATED LIKEWISE--

ALONG WITH 2 TEASPOONS
OF KOSHER SALT

AND ABOUT A TEASPOON'S WORTH
OF FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER.

NOW COOK THIS,
STIRRING FREQUENTLY

FOR SIX TO EIGHT MINUTES

OR UNTIL THE ONION AND CELERY
BECOME TRANSLUCENT.

YOU KNOW, COME TO THINK OF IT,

I REALLY HATE THAT EXPRESSION

BECAUSE IT SUGGESTS THAT,
WHEN PERFORMED CORRECTLY,

LIGHT SHOULD SIMPLY PASS
RIGHT THROUGH THE ONIONS,

A PHENOMENON WHICH I PERSONALLY
HAVE NEVER WITNESSED.

AT BEST, I'D SAY THAT

THE VEGETABLES
CAN TURN SEMITRANSLUCENT.

WHY? WELL... COME HERE.

¶

 ¶

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
ARE NICE AND CRUNCHY

BECAUSE THEIR CELL WALLS
ARE TAUT AND FULL OF LIQUID.

NOW THE FRAMEWORK OF THE WALL
IS CELLULOSE,

A COMPLEX CARBOHYDRATE

THAT IS NOT WATER SOLUBLE.

THAT IS REPRESENTED HERE
BY THE VERTICAL METAL MEMBERS.

BUT THE BRICKS AND THE GLUE
THAT HOLDS THEM TOGETHER

ARE MADE FROM
WATER-SOLUBLE PECTINS

AND HEMICELLULOSE

PLAYED STUNNINGLY IN THIS CASE
BY GELATIN.

NOW WHEN COOKED,

THESE SOFTEN
AND BEGIN TO DISSOLVE.

THIS CHANGE MANIFESTS ITSELF

AS A SHIMMERING TRANSLUCENCE,

BUT DON'T WORRY, SINCE
THE FRAMEWORK IS HEMICELLULOSE,

YOUR VEGETABLE WILL NEVER
DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY.

ALTHOUGH, YOU MIGHT HOPE
THAT IT WOULD

IF IT HAPPENS TO BE
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW'S VEGETABLES.

THAT WAS FUN.

UH, OKAY, THE PEPPERS ARE SOFT,

AND THE ONIONS AND CELERY
ARE TR--YOU KNOW.

SO WE'RE GOING TO ADD

FIVE CLOVES OF MINCED GARLIC

AND COOK FOR ANOTHER
ONE TO TWO MINUTES

STIRRING CONSTANTLY.

REMEMBER, GARLIC BURNS
VERY EASILY,

AND WHEN IT DOES, IT'S NEVER
GONNA BE GOOD EATS AGAIN.

NOW WE COME TO THE BIG BUILD.

12 OUNCES OF OUR PICKLED PORK
GO IN

ALONG WITH THREE BAY LEAVES,

1 TEASPOON OF THYME--DRY,

1/2 TEASPOON OF CAYENNE PEPPER--
GROUND,

1 TEASPOON OF HOT SAUCE

AND THEN OUR 1 POUND OF BEANS.

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST,
2 QUARTS OF WATER.

PLEASE, IF YOUR SINK WATER
DOESN'T TASTE FANTASTIC,

DON'T DOOM YOUR DISH.
USE FILTERED WATER INSTEAD.

OKAY, HEAT ALL THE WAY UP

AND COOK, STIRRING
EVERY NOW AND THEN

UNTIL YOU REACH A BOIL,

WHICH WILL PROBABLY TAKE
SIX TO EIGHT MINUTES, TOPS.

I'D CALL THAT A BOIL.

NOW DROP THE HEAT SO THAT YOU
JUST MAINTAIN A STRONG SIMMER

AND COOK
FOR ONE AND A HALF HOURS,

STOPPING TO STIR ABOUT
EVERY HALF HOUR OR SO.

NOW YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED
I DIDN'T SOAK THE BEANS.

TRUTH IS, IF I WAS COOKING
ON A WOOD-BURNING STOVE

AND WANTED
TO CONSERVE SOME FUEL,

I'D SOAK THEM
FOR SIX TO EIGHT HOURS

TO SPEED THE COOKING PROCESS,

BUT, TRUTHFULLY, A COUPLE
OF HOURS' WORTH OF COOKING GAS

OR ELECTRICITY
AREN'T THAT COSTLY... YET.

SO I'LL DO ALL OF MY REHYDRATING

RIGHT HERE IN ONE FELL SWOOP.

AH... (passing gas noise)

OH, THANK YOU, THING.

SUBTLE SEGUE.

YES, BEAN CONSUMPTION
CAN LEAD TO DISCOMFORT.

AS WE'VE DISCUSSED
IN BEAN SHOWS BEFORE,

IT'S A MOLECULAR MATTER.

YOU SEE, BY THE TIME MOST FOODS

MAKE IT DOWN
TO YOUR INTESTINAL TRACT,

THEY'VE BEEN BROKEN DOWN
INTO VERY LITTLE SMALL PIECES,

AND THE ENZYMES THAT ARE
RESPONSIBLE FOR DISMANTLING THEM

SO THAT YOU CAN THEN ABSORB THEM

MAKE QUICK WORK OF THE JOB.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT BEANS
CONTAIN GIGANTIC MOLECULES

CALLED OLIGOSACCHARIDES,

AND YOUR INTESTINES SIMPLY DON'T
POSSESS A TOOL BIG ENOUGH

TO BREAK THEM DOWN,

SO THEY FLOAT INTACT DOWNSTREAM

INTO THE DARK RECESSES
OF THE COLON

WHERE VERACIOUS BACTERIA
GLEEFULLY FEAST

UPON THEIR PLENTY.

NOW AS THESE BACTERIA DINE...
(burping, passing gas)

THEY GIVE OFF GAS
AND PLENTY OF IT.

SO INSTEAD OF BEATING YOUR DOG
OR BLAMING GRANDMA

NEXT TIME YOUR BEANS MAKE MUSIC,

BLAME THE BACTERIA.
(record scratching)

SOME FOLKS SAY THAT SOAKING
BEANS BEFORE COOKING THEM

GETS RID OF
THE OFFENDING SUBSTANCES,

BUT I HAVE TESTED AND RETESTED
AND HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION

THAT THE ONLY WAY TO CONTROL
YOUR EMISSIONS

IS TO TRAIN YOUR SYSTEM
BY EATING MORE BEANS.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I THINK I'LL GO OPEN A WINDOW.

UGH.

ALL RIGHT, TIME IS UP.

WE CAREFULLY REMOVE THE LID

AND CONTINUE TO COOK
FOR ANOTHER 30 TO 40 MINUTES,

ADJUSTING THE HEAT AS NEEDED
TO MAINTAIN THIS SIMMER.

NOW DURING THIS TIME, OF COURSE,

THE STARCH THAT HAS LEECHED OUT
OF THE BEANS

IS GOING TO THICKEN THIS SAUCE.

NOW IF YOU WANT IT
EVEN MORE GRAVY-LIKE,

YOU COULD CERTAINLY AGITATE IT
A LITTLE BIT.

AH, THING, YOU KNOW,
ORDINARILY I--

I WOULD GO FOR HORSEPOWER,

BUT, YOU KNOW,
STARCH IS TRICKY STUFF.

TOO MUCH AGITATION,

AND YOU'LL END UP
WITH GLUE INSTEAD OF GRAVY.

NO, THANKS. I'VE BEEN OFF
THE STUFF SINCE KINDERGARTEN.

IF YOU DO WANT IT A LITTLE BIT
MORE GRAVY-LIKE,

THIS WILL DO FINE.

A HAND MASHER IS ALL THE TOOL
YOU NEED.

THERE. NOW.

AT THIS JUNCTURE

WE HAVE OURSELVES A NICE,
BIG DELICIOUS BOWL

OF FIBER, VITAMINS, MINERALS,
SOME PROTEIN,

BUT MOSTLY WE'VE GOT
A BIG DELICIOUS BOWL OF...

CARBOHYDRATES.

I HESITATE TO EVEN SAY THE WORD

BECAUSE FOLKS TEND TO FREAK
AT ITS MERE UTTERANCE

AS THOUGH IT WERE
A SPELL CAPABLE OF SUMMONING,

I DON'T KNOW,
INSTANT SANSABELT SLACKS.

THE TRUTH IS
JUST AS DIFFERENT PROTEINS

AND DIFFERENT FATS AFFECT
THE BODY IN DIFFERENT WAYS,

SO DO DIFFERENT CARBOHYDRATES.

SO WHAT EXACTLY
IS A CARBOHYDRATE?

WELL, UM, IT IS ONE
OF THE BASIC FOOD MOLECULES

COMPOSED PRIMARILY OF OXYGEN,

CARBON

AND HYDROGEN.

NOW THERE
ARE THREE ESSENTIAL TYPES.

MONOSACCHARIDES--

OR SINGLE SUGARS--

LIKE GLUCOSE--BLOOD SUGAR,

DISACCHARIDES--DOUBLE SUGARS--

LIKE SUCROSE--
REGULAR TABLE SUGAR--

AND POLYSACCHARIDES--
OR COMPLEX CARBS--

WHICH ARE CONSTRUCTED
OF AT LEAST THREE SUGARS

AND OFTEN MANY, MANY MORE.

NOW WHAT'S IMPORTANT
TO KEEP IN MIND HERE

IS THAT THE ONLY CARBS
YOUR BODY CAN ABSORB

ARE SIMPLE CARBS.

SO WHAT REALLY MATTERS HERE

IS HOW THE CARBS
ARE BROKEN DOWN.

SO MY NEIGHBOR CHUCK
IS GOING TO HELP ME

WITH A LITTLE EXPERIMENT.

YOU REMEMBER MY NEIGHBOR CHUCK.
SAY, "HI, CHUCK."
HI, CHUCK.

I--OKAY, HERE.

I AM GOING TO DIG INTO
THIS BIG OLD BOWL OF BEANS

WHILE CHUCK TUCKS IN
TO THE BIG BOWL OF SUGAR.

BON APPéTIT.

¶

MMM.
MMM.

AHH.
AHH.

HOW WAS YOUR SUGAR?
DELISH.

MY BEANS
WERE EQUALLY FANTASTIC.

NOW LET US TAKE A MOMENT
TO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON

INSIDE OF CHUCK
RIGHT NOW

VIA X-RAYS.

I LIKE X-RAYS.

JUST STAY VERY,
VERY, VERY STILL.

(beeping, buzzing)
IS THIS THING SAFE,
MR. BROWN?

BECAUSE I HEARD HIGH DOSES OF
X-RAYS CAN BE PRETTY HARMFUL.

OH, I SHOULDN'T WORRY
TOO MUCH, CHUCK.

I GOT A PLAN OFF OF THE INTERNET
AND BUILT IT MYSELF.

IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE,
I THINK.

NOW BEFORE CHUCK CAN UTILIZE
ALL THAT ENERGY,

HIS PANCREAS HAS
TO SECRETE INSULIN,

A HORMONE THAT ESSENTIALLY,

WELL, GRANTS HIS VARIOUS CELLS
CHEMICAL PERMISSION

TO TAKE IN GLUCOSE.
MR. BROWN.

DON'T INTERRUPT.

NOW SINCE HIS SYSTEM IS SENSING
A HUGE INTAKE OF SUGAR,

HIS PANCREAS IS CRANKING OUT
A MEGA DOSE OF THE STUFF.
DID YOU SMELL SOMETHING?

THAT CAN BE A PROBLEM,

BECAUSE ONCE THE SUGAR
IS DEALT WITH,

THERE WILL STILL BE A SURPLUS
OF INSULIN IN HIS BLOOD,

AND IT'S GONNA NEED SOMETHING
TO DO, SO HIS BRAIN

IS GOING TO TELL HIM TO FEED
THE INSULIN MORE SUGAR.

MR. BROWN.
THAT IS WHY A COUPLE OF HOURS
AFTER EATING A MEAL

THAT'S HIGH
IN SIMPLE SUGARS,

THAT IS, ONE THAT IS HIGH
ON THE GLYCEMIC SCALE...

DO YOU HAVE
A CANDY BAR AROUND HERE?
NO.

COOKIES?
NOPE.

CHOCOLATE?
NOPE.

DONUTS?
NO.

CAKE?
NOPE.

PIE?
NOPE.

SODA POP?
NOPE.

JELLYBEANS? YOGURT PRETZELS?
SUGARY CEREAL? CARAMEL CORN?

ANYTHING?
NOT EVEN A WAFER-THIN MINT.
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE,

THIS COULD BECOME
A VICIOUS CYCLE,

WHICH COULD LEAD
TO SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS.

ALL RIGHT, CHUCK.
THANKS VERY MUCH.

YOU CAN HEAD ON HOME.
AHH, THERE WE GO.

OH, UM...

I GUESS AN ADJUSTMENT
IS NECESSARY.

JUST SEND ME
THE CLEANING BILL

AND THE DOCTOR BILL, TOO.

BYE, CHUCK.

OKAY, I'LL MAKE
AN ADJUSTMENT HERE.

(beeping, buzzing)

SINCE THE SUGAR THAT I CONSUMED

WAS IN THE FORM
OF COMPLEX CARBOHYDRATES,

IT BREAKS DOWN VERY SLOWLY
IN MY SYSTEM.

THUS, MY PANCREAS
IS CUED TO EXCRETE INSULIN

AT AN EVEN, NORMAL RATE.

THIS MEANS MY BLOOD SUGAR
DOES NOT SPIKE,

ERGO, I DO NOT GO ON

A FOAMING-AT-THE-MOUTH
LIKE CUJO CANDY RAMPAGE

THREE HOURS LATER.

ALTHOUGH, IT IS CLEAR
FROM THIS IMAGE

THAT CANDY AND I
ARE NOT EXACTLY STRANGERS.

OH, THE RICE, EXCUSE ME.

MOST BEAN AND RICE APPLICATIONS,

BE THEY FROM THE CARIBBEAN,
CENTRAL OR EVEN SOUTH AMERICA,

GENERALLY CALL
FOR LONG-GRAIN RICES

INSTEAD OF SHORT OR MEDIUM.

NOW MY PERSONAL FAVORITES

ARE A CROSS BETWEEN--AH--

AMERICAN LONG-GRAIN VARIETIES
AND AROMATIC BASMATIS.

AND I PREFER THE ONES GROWN

IN TEXAS, LOUISIANA
AND ARKANSAS.

ALTHOUGH, SOUTH CAROLINA RICES
ARE PRETTY GOOD, TOO.

SINCE WE'RE RUNNING
A WEE BIT SHORT ON TIME,

WE SHALL IMPLEMENT
MY PATENTED SPEED RICE METHOD

GUARANTEED TO PRODUCE
FLUFFY, FLAVORFUL RICE

IN 20 MINUTES FLAT.

FIRST STEP--BRING 3 CUPS
OF WATER TO A ROLLING BOIL.

SINCE TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE,

WE WILL EMPLOY AN ELECTRIC
KETTLE FOR THIS STEP.

NEXT, FETCH DOWN YOUR FAVORITE
MEDIUM SAUCEPAN

AND PLACE OVER HIGH HEAT

AND GO AHEAD AND TOSS IN

1 1/2 TABLESPOONS
OF UNSALTED BUTTER.

NOW JUST GENTLY JIGGLE
AND WIGGLE

UNTIL THE BUBBLING CEASES
AND THE BUTTER STARTS TO BROWN.

NOW TIME TO INVITE
THE RICE TO THE PARTY--

2 CUPS

ALONG WITH 1/2 TO 1 TEASPOON
OF SALT

AND STIR.

NOW IF THIS REMINDS YOU
OF A RISOTTO PROCEDURE,

THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS.

YOU SEE, BY SAUTéING THE RICE,
WE BROWN IT,

THUS INCREASING
THE NATURAL NUTTY FLAVORS

THAT LINGER WITHIN
EACH LITTLE KERNEL.

WE ALSO DO SOME DAMAGE,
STARCH DAMAGE, THAT IS,

WHICH WILL ALLOW WATER TO MOVE
INTO THE RICE

A LITTLE MORE QUICKLY
THAN WOULD BE POSSIBLE

THROUGH LESS EXTREME PROCEDURES.

SO JUST KEEP STIRRING THIS
UNTIL THE WATER COMES TO A BOIL

OR UNTIL THE RICE STARTS TO TURN
A NICE TAN.

¶

¶

NOW OUR WATER IS BOILING,

AND THE RICE HAS TAKEN ON
A NICE, NUTTY TONE.

NOW TIME TO BRING
THE TWO TOGETHER.

NOW KEEP IN MIND THAT ALTHOUGH
THE WATER IS BOILING,

THE RICE IS EVEN HOTTER,

AND BRINGING THE TWO TOGETHER
IS GONNA BE KIND OF VIOLENT,

SO YOU MAY WISH TO DON
SOME THERMAL PROTECTION

IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

OKAY, NOW DUMP IN THE WATER
AS FAST AS YOU CAN,

SMACK ON THE LID,

DROP THE HEAT TO A SIMMER

AND SET YOUR TIMER.

NOW HERE IN ATLANTA
I FIND THAT 17 MINUTES

IS ACTUALLY PERFECT

BUT GIVEN
YOUR SPECIFIC ALTITUDE,

THE BAROMETER SETTING
FOR THE DAY,

THE pH OF THE WATER

AND THE EXACT MAKE AND MODEL
OF THE RICE,

COULD BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT
BY A MINUTE OR TWO,

BUT I'D START WITH 17.

¶

(beeping)

NOW OUR RICE CAN GO STRAIGHT
TO THE BOWL.

AT THIS POINT IT'LL BE
JUST A LITTLE BIT STICKY,

WHICH I HAPPEN TO LIKE.

BUT IF DRY AND FLUFFY
IS THE ORDER OF THE DAY,

THEN LET YOUR RICE SIT
OFF OF THE HEAT

FOR ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES
BEFORE SERVING.

THAT WILL ALLOW TIME
FOR THE STARCHES IN THE RICE

TO STABILIZE A BIT.

NOW THE BEANS.

NOW, YOU KNOW,

BY PLACING BEANS AND RICE
TOGETHER IN THE SAME MEAL,

WE PRODUCE A COMPLETE PROTEIN.

THAT IS A MEAL THAT PROVIDES

ALL OF THE ESSENTIAL
AMINO ACIDS REQUIRED

TO BUILD THE VARIOUS
REPLACEMENT PARTS

THAT OUR BODIES NEED
TO KEEP GOING,

WHICH NO DOUBT EXPLAINS
TO SOME EXTENT, AT LEAST,

THE NUTRITIONAL POPULARITY
OF THIS DISH

AND ITS MANY
INTERNATIONAL AVATARS.

OH, BY THE WAY, REMEMBER
TO REMOVE THE BAY LEAVES.

THEY'RE NOT GOOD EATS.

AT THIS POINT,
YOU COULD CERTAINLY ADD

A FINISHING FLOURISH,

CHOPPED PARSLEY PERHAPS

OR WHITE OR GREEN ONION.

IN NEW ORLEANS
IT IS CERTAINLY NOT UNUSUAL

TO SEE SOME SMOKY SAUSAGE
FRIED UP

AND PLACED RIGHT ON TOP,
GREASE AND ALL.

HA HA HA HA.

MMM!

MMM.

YOU KNOW, IF AMERICA
IS INDEED A MELTING POT,

AND I CERTAINLY LIKE
TO THINK OF IT THAT WAY,

THEN RED BEANS AND RICE

MAY BE THE FINEST TESTAMENT
WE HAVE

TO THAT POLYCULTURAL CONDITION.

IT IS NUTRITIOUS.
IT IS HEALTHY, ECONOMICAL.

AND IF I DON'T MIND SAYING
SO MYSELF, IT'S HAPPY.

NO WONDER JAZZ GREAT
LOUIS ARMSTRONG HIMSELF

USED TO SIGN HIS AUTOGRAPH

"RED BEANS AND RICELY YOURS."

SEE YA NEXT TIME ON "GOOD EATS,"
AMERICA.