Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 11, Episode 18 - Honey I Shrunk the Cake - full transcript

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,

BUT I CAN REMEMBER
BEING A KID,

SITTING AT THE DINNER TABLE
AND HAVING MY MOM SCREECH...

(Mom) "EAT YOUR VEGETABLES."

WHEN I ASKED WHY,
SHE'D SAY...

(Mom) "BECAUSE THEY'RE GOOD
FOR YOU."

RIGHT.
THEN I WOULD PARRY WITH

THE-ALWAYS-IRRITATING-
WHEN-HEARD-IN-RAPID-REPETITION

"WHY?"
AND THEN, MOM WOULD SAY...

(Mom) "OH, GET--OH, I--"

MATCH POINT ALTON.



TRUTH IS MOM DIDN'T HAVE
AN ANSWER, AND I KNEW IT.

I MEAN, SURE,
SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PLAY

THE VITAMIN CARD,

BUT SHE KNEW
I WOULD COUNTER

WITH THE CLASSIC
CHEWABLE-FLINTSTONES MANEUVER,

AND SHE'D BE RIGHT BACK
WHERE SHE STARTED,

ONLY WITH A BAD CASE
OF THE RAGE SHAKES.

THESE DAYS,
KIDS HAVE A TOUGHER TIME

BECAUSE RESEARCH IS PILING HIGH

ABOUT THE NUTRITIVE
POWER OF FOOD.

SOME INGREDIENTS, IN FACT,

ARE SO PACKED WITH COMPLEX
CHEMICAL GOODNESS,

THAT THEY'RE NOW BEING
LOOKED UPON AS MEDICINES,

JUST LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS



BEFORE THERE WERE
PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES.

ALTHOUGH THE JURY IS STILL OUT
ON MANY OF THE NEW CLAIMS,

A FEW FOODS HAVE, UH,

PASSED THROUGH
THE SCREEN OF SCRUTINY

AND COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE
AS BONA FIDE SUPERFOODS, WHICH,

NOW THAT WE KNOW WHAT THEY CAN
ACTUALLY DO IN OUR BODIES,

WE'D BE SILLY NOT TO CONSUME
IN MASS QUANTITIES.

THE PROBLEM IS
MANY OF THESE FOODS

AREN'T REALLY EVERYDAY FARE.

UH, CONSIDER, WELL,
THE CRANBERRY.

ALTHOUGH CONSUMPTION
OF CRANBERRY COCKTAIL

AND DRIED CRANBERRIES IS UP,

MOST OF US DOWN A DOSE
OF FRESH BERRIES ONCE,

MAYBE TWICE A YEAR,

USUALLY JUST AFTER
A MOUTHFUL OF TURKEY

AND RIGHT BEFORE
A FOOTBALL GAME AND--

WELL, THAT'S A SHAME, BECAUSE
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT 100% SURE

THAT THESE ARE THE MIRACLE
CURE-ALL OF THE CENTURY,

I'M 100% SURE THAT THEY'RE...

¶

THERE IS NO WRITTEN REFERENCE
TO TELL US WHETHER OR NOT

CRANBERRIES
WERE ACTUALLY SERVED

DURING THAT MYTHIC
FIRST THANKSGIVING,

THE 3-DAY FEAST
HELD BETWEEN THE SETTLERS

AND THE NATIVES IN 1621.

BUT WE DO KNOW
THAT THE LOCAL NATIVES

HAD BEEN EATING CRANBERRIES
OUT OF HAND FOR CENTURIES

AND GRINDING THEM
WITH DRIED MEAT AND FAT

TO CREATE THE POWER PROVISION
KNOWN AS PEMMICAN,

WHICH THEY CONSUMED
DURING THE WINTER MONTHS.

NOW NOT ONLY DID
THE ACIDIC BERRIES

ACT AS A PRESERVATIVE
FOR THE MEAT,

BUT THE VITAMIN C
HELPED TO PREVENT SCURVY.

MORE ON THAT LATER.

NOW WE CAN ALSO ASSUME
THAT THE ENGLISH SETTLERS

RECOGNIZED THESE
NEW-WORLD CRANBERRIES

AS A LARGER VERSION
OF A SIMILAR FRUIT

FOUND ALL OVER ENGLAND
CALLED THIN WHORTLE

OR WERE MARSH WHORTLE.

NOW OVER THE NEXT 150 YEARS,

WILD CRANBERRIES
WORKED THEIR WAY

INTO MANY
OF THE SETTLERS' DISHES--

BREADS, PUDDINGS
AND IN MEAT DISHES,

IN WHICH THE ACIDITY
OF THE BERRIES

HELPED TO CUT THE FATTINESS
OF NEW-WORLD GAME.

NOW TODAY,

CRANBERRIES LIKE THESE
HERE IN MASSACHUSETTS

ARE HARVESTED
TWO WAYS, OKAY?

DRY-HARVESTED BERRIES

MEANS BERRIES
THAT ARE JUST PICKED

RIGHT OFF OF
THIS PESKY, LITTLE VINE.

NOW THESE ARE PACKAGED AND SOLD
EITHER AS--

OOPS--FRESH OR FROZEN.

AS FOR THE MASS MAJORITY
OF THE MODERN CRANBERRY CROP,

THEY, OF COURSE, GO INTO

EITHER CRANBERRY SAUCE
OR CRANBERRY JUICE.

AND FOR THAT NUMBER
OF CRANBERRIES,

THIS VINE POSES
QUITE A PROBLEM.

THE SOLUTION
TO THE HARVESTING PROBLEM

IS INSIDE THE CRANBERRY ITSELF,
IN THE FORM OF

A BEAUTIFUL,
LITTLE AIR BUBBLE, OKAY?

THEY FLOAT.

SO ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS FLOOD THE BOG.

THE BERRIES FLOAT UP
AWAY FROM THE VINES,

AND YOU CAN JUST KIND OF
COME IN AND SCOOP THEM UP.

SEE, THEY FLOAT LIKE CORKS.

OF COURSE, THIS IS
A KIND OF SLOW PROCESS.

IT TAKES A GREAT DEAL
OF LABOR.

BUT LUCKILY, WE HAVE
A MECHANIZED SOLUTION FOR THAT.

THIS ODD-LOOKING CONTRAPTION
IS A BEATER.

AS IT'S DRIVEN THROUGH
THE BOG, IT DOES JUST THAT.

IT BEATS THE CRANBERRIES
OFF THE VINES

WHILE DOING MINIMUM HARM
TO THE BERRIES THEMSELVES.

NOW AFTER THE BEATER'S WORK
IS DONE,

THE BOG IS FLOODED
TO A DEPTH OF, UH,

A COUPLE OF FEET, MAYBE 3.

AND ONCE THE BERRIES HAVE HAD
ADEQUATE TIME

TO WORK THEIR WAY
UP TO THE SURFACE,

HARVESTING CREWS WORK
TO HERD THE CRIMSON BEAUTIES

WITH A BIG FLOATING CORRAL
CALLED A BOOM.

THEN, A LARGE HOSE IS PLACED
UNDER THE WATER,

AND THE BERRIES ARE SUCKED UP,

SEPARATED FROM THE WATER
AND VARIOUS STICKS,

WEEDS, STONES
AND OCCASIONAL FROGS,

AND SPIT INTO THE BACK
OF A TRUCK.

ONCE THEY'RE DELIVERED
TO THE PLANT,

THE TRUCK DUMPS THE BERRIES
BACK INTO WATER,

WHICH MOVES THEM
INTO THE PROCESSING AREA.

SINCE WET-HARVEST BERRIES
DON'T KEEP AS LONG AS DRY,

THEY'RE USED MOSTLY
FOR CANNING, JUICING AND DRYING.

SINCE WE'RE GOING TO STICK
WITH FRESH APPLICATIONS,

WE'LL FOLLOW THE DRY BERRIES,

WHICH ARE DUMPED
FROM THE FIELD BEDS

INTO A GIANT VIBRATING SORTER
THAT SEPARATES OUT

THE STICKS AND STONES
AND VINES

AND PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING
THAT ISN'T A BERRY.

A CONVEYOR THEN WHISKS
WHAT'S LEFT

INTO THE GIANT WOODEN
AND VERY OLD SEPARATOR.

NOW LET'S PAUSE HERE A MOMENT
FOR HISTORICAL INTERLUDE.

EVER WONDER WHY
IN SOME PARTS OF THE WORLD,

CRANBERRIES ARE CALLED
BOUNCE BERRIES?

WELL, ACCORDING TO THE LEGEND,
IT'S DUE TO THE ACTIONS

OF A 19th-CENTURY GROWER
NAMED PEG LEG JOHN.

BECAUSE HIS NAME IS JOHN,

APPARENTLY HE LOST
A LEG IN THE WAR.

HE STORED HIS CRANBERRIES
IN THE UPPER LOFT OF HIS BARN.

HOW A ONE-LEGGED MAN
GOT THEM UP HERE

IN THE FIRST PLACE
IS SOMETHING OF A MYSTERY.

ANYWAY, WHEN IT CAME TIME
TO BRING THEM DOWN TO MARKET,

OLD P.L.J. DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER
CARRYING THEM DOWN THE STAIRS,

SO HE JUST POURED THEM.

NOW BEING THE BERRY VERY TAUT
AND FIRM--

IT CONTAINED
THE AFOREMENTIONED AIR BUBBLE--

THE BEST BERRIES BOUNCED

WHEREAS MALFORMED, SOFT
OR DAMAGED BERRIES DIDN'T.

AND SO THE BEST OF THE BERRIES
BOUNCED TO THE BOTTOM

OF THE STAIRS WHILE THE OTHERS
FELL THROUGH THE BACK

AND JUST LAY THERE.

UNBEKNOWNST
TO PEG LEG JOHNNY,

HE'D JUST INVENTED
THE CRANBERRY SEPARATOR,

LIKE THE 1923 MODEL STILL IN USE
BY THE GOOD FOLKS AT DECAS.

FROM BOG TO BAG,

VERY LITTLE HAPPENS
TO CRANBERRIES

TO ALTER THEIR NATURAL STATE.

THEY'RE NOT EVEN WASHED

BECAUSE THAT WOULD SERIOUSLY
SHORTEN THE LIFE

OF BAGGED BERRIES.

NOW THE PARTICULAR
AND PECULIAR STRUCTURE

OF VACCINIUM MACROCARPON

GRANTS THESE LITTLE GUYS
CONSIDERABLE SHELF LIFE,

UP TO TWO MONTHS
IN THE REFRIGERATOR

OR SIX MONTHS IN THE FREEZER.

JUST DON'T WASH THEM FIRST.

I GOTTA QUIT EATIN'
THESE THINGS.

¶

 ¶

NOW WHEN I WAS A KID
IN THE '60s,

WE NEVER SAW FRESH
OR EVEN FROZEN CRANBERRIES.

WE HAD CRANBERRY COCKTAIL,

CALLED SUCH NOT
BECAUSE IT'S GOT HOOCH IN IT,

BUT BECAUSE IT CONTAINS ONLY 25
TO 30% ACTUAL CRANBERRY JUICE.

ANY MORE THAN THAT AND
MOST PEOPLE FIND IT TOO BITTER.

AND OF COURSE,
WE HAD CRANBERRY SAUCE.

NOW EVER SINCE WORLD WAR II,

A MAJORITY OF THE CRANBERRY CROP
IN THIS COUNTRY

HAS GONE INTO QUIVERING COLUMNS,
SUCH AS THE ONE IN THIS CAN.

NOW IT'S A GREAT CONCEPT
FOR TWO REASONS--

ONE, CRANBERRIES ARE KIND OF
TOUGH TO TAKE ON THEIR OWN.

AND THE SAUCE APPROACH HELPS
ALLIED FLAVORS COME INTO PLAY.

TWO, ALTHOUGH SEVERAL FRUITS
POSSESS THE MYSTERIOUS ABILITY

TO FORM JELLIES

WITHOUT THE ADDITION
OF GELATIN OR PECTIN,

NO FRUIT IS BETTER AT IT
THAN CRANBERRIES.

AND BEST OF ALL,

THIS POWER CAN BE
EASILY HARVESTED AT HOME.

OUR CRANBERRY SAUCE BEGINS WITH
1 POUND OF FRESH CRANBERRIES

RINSED THOROUGHLY AND RID OF
ANY UNDERRIPE OR DAMAGED GOODS.

NOW WHILE THOSE DRAIN,

WE WILL CONSTRUCT THE SYRUP IN
WHICH THE CRANBERRIES MUST COOK.

SMALL SAUCEPAN
AND INTO THAT GOES

1/4 OF A CUP OF FRESHLY SQUEEZED
ORANGE JUICE,

1/4 CUP OF
100% CRANBERRY JUICE.

THIS ISN'T A CRANBERRY JUICE
COCKTAIL.

THAT WON'T DO.

BUT DON'T WORRY,
YOU CAN FIND THIS

IN MOST MEGAMARTS AND CERTAINLY
AT HEALTH FOOD STORES.

LAST, BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST,

1 CUP OF HONEY, AND I'M USING
CLOVER HONEY HERE, I BELIEVE.

BRING THIS TO A BOIL
OVER MEDIUM-HIGH HEAT

AND THEN REDUCE
TO A SIMMER FOR FIVE MINUTES

TO CONCENTRATE THE FLAVORS.

NOW PLEASE NOTE THAT EVERYTHING
THAT'S GONE IN HERE SO FAR

IS EITHER A SUGAR OR AN ACID
OR BOTH, WHY?

PATIENCE, GRASSHOPPER.

NOW ENTER THE CRANBERRIES.

COOK STIRRING OFTEN
UNTIL THE BERRIES BURST.

REMEMBER, THERE'S AIR INSIDE.

WHEN THAT AIR EXPANDS, THERE IS
GONNA BE A BIT OF A POP.

BUT DON'T WORRY,
IF YOUR PAN IS BIG ENOUGH,

YOU WON'T TAKE A HIT.

BUT YOU KNOW,
BE CAREFUL ANYWAY.

NOW IN 15 MINUTES,

THIS MIXTURE WILL START
TO THICKEN UP A BIT,

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO LET IT
COOK MORE THAN 15 MINUTES

BECAUSE YOU MIGHT DAMAGE
THE PECTINS

INSIDE THOSE BERRIES.

AND BELIEVE ME,
WE NEED THOSE PECTINS.

WHAT ARE PECTINS?

WELL, COME HERE.

LIKE OTHER CONNECTING TISSUE,
SAY GELATIN OR STARCH,

PECTINS ARE LONG-CHAIN
CARBOHYDRATES.

THEIR PRIMARY FUNCTION
IS TO HELP HOLD

FRUIT CELL WALLS TOGETHER
WHILE THE FRUIT ITSELF RIPENS.

IN THAT WAY, WELL,
IT'S A LOT LIKE THIS REBAR,

WHICH PREVENTS THIS OTHERWISE
BRITTLE CONCRETE FROM CRUMBLING.

THE BIG DIFFERENCE
IS THAT IN MOST FRUIT,

THESE PECTINS DISSOLVE DURING
THE FINAL STAGES OF RIPENING.

BUT IN CRANBERRIES,

THESE SOLUBLE FIBERS
HANG AROUND,

WHICH IS A GOOD THING
IF YOU LIKE CRANBERRY SAUCE,

BECAUSE WE CAN ESSENTIALLY
PULL THESE THINGS OUT

AND REARRANGE THEM
TO OUR LIKING

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM SCIENCE,
OF COURSE.

I BETTER--I GUESS I SHOULD
PUT THAT BACK.

NOW LET'S KILL THE HEAT.

AT THIS POINT,

THE PECTINS ARE FULLY ACTIVE
AND READY TO BOND.

THE PROBLEM IS THEY'RE A LITTLE
ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE.

THEY DON'T WANT TO BIND
WITH EACH OTHER,

WHICH IS WHY WE ADD AN ACID,
ORANGE JUICE,

THAT HELPS TO REDUCE
THE OVERALL NEGATIVITY.

THE PROBLEM IS THEN,

WELL, THE PECTINS DON'T WANT TO
BIND WITH EACH OTHER.

THEY WANT TO BIND WITH WATER,

SO WE ADD SOMETHING EVEN MORE
HYGROSCOPIC OR WATER-LOVING,

WHICH IS SUGAR.

THE SUGAR TAKES OVER
THE WATER

LEAVING THE PECTINS TO BIND
WITH EACH OTHER.

THAT IS WHY YOU ALMOST
ALWAYS SEE SUGAR

AND AN ACID-LIKE LEMON JUICE
IN JELLY RECIPES.

WITHOUT THE RIGHT AMOUNT
OF EACH,

THERE'S NO WAY FOR
THE NATURAL PECTINS TO SET.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE USING
A LOW-SUGAR PECTIN,

CALCIUM MOLECULES
AND, OH, NEVER MIND.

LET'S FIND A MOLD.

AH!

NOW LET'S HERE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO. NO.

AH.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

HEY. THE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY
ABOUT A 15-OUNCE CAN

OF CRANBERRY SAUCE.

HOW DO YOU THINK THEY'LL FEEL
ABOUT A 30-OUNCE CAN?

HA! HA!

¶

ONCE YOUR UBER MOLD
IS CONSTRUCTED,

USE A CANNING FUNNEL
TO HELP WITH THE LOADING.

OF COURSE, IF YOU DON'T HAVE
A CANNING FUNNEL,

YOU COULD USE,

WELL, ANYTHING ELSE
THAT'S KIND OF THAT SHAPE.

THERE.

STASH THIS IN THE OLD
CHILL CHEST FOR ABOUT,

WELL, SIX HOURS WILL SET IT,

BUT OVERNIGHT WILL SET IT
EVEN BETTER.

YOUR PATIENCE WILL BE,
YOU KNOW.

ALTHOUGH YOU MAY WANT
A NARROW GLASS AROUND

TO HELP EXTRUDE THE GOODNESS.

ODDS ARE GOOD THAT IF YOU
LEAVE THIS IN ROOM TEMPERATURE

FOR A FEW MINUTES,

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SIMPLY
DEEP CAN LIKE THAT.

NICE GEL, HUH?

NOW I'M SOMETHING
OF A PURIST

AND I'VE PREFERRED TO KEEP
MY CRANBERRY SAUCE

ON THE SIMPLE SIDE.

BUT YOU CAN FEEL FREE
TO SPICE THINGS UP AT WILL.

YOU COULD ADD NUTMEG
TO THE MIX OR CLOVES, GINGER.

IF SOMETHING TROPICAL SUITS,

YOU COULD STIR IN
SOME FINELY MINCED CHILIES

OR SOME CHOPPED VANILLA BEAN
OR, I DON'T KNOW, CARDAMOM.

HECK, IF YOU MAKE
YOUR OWN SAUCE,

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT.

JUST DON'T TINKER AROUND
IN THE ENGINE ROOM.

THE AMOUNT OF FRUIT,
WATER, ACID, SWEETNESS,

AND TIME NEED TO REMAIN
A CONSTANT.

¶

HISTORICALLY,
CRANBERRIES HAVE BEEN USED

TO CURE A HOST
OF PHYSICAL ILLS.

WHEN "THE MAYFLOWER" LANDED,

LOCAL NATIVE AMERICANS
WERE USING CRANBERRY POULTICES

TO CURE BLOOD POISONING.

THE CRANBERRIES' WILD
EUROPEAN COUSINS

HAVE ALSO BEEN USED TO TREAT
VARIOUS STOMACH AILMENTS

PARTICULARLY DIARRHEE...

UH, YOU KNOW.

IT TURNS OUT,
THE SOLUBLE FIBER,

THE PECTINS,
ARE A BIG HELP WITH DIA...

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

IN FACT,
THE PEC FROM PECTIN

APPEARS IN THE NAME
OF A POPULAR MEDICINE

MEANT TO TREAT DIARR...
YOU KNOW.

CRANBERRIES ALSO CONTAIN
VITAMIN C.

SO SHIPS SAILING OUT
OF NEW ENGLISH PORTS

OFTEN CARRIED BARRELS OF THEM
TO GUARD AGAINST SCURVY.

BUT THE MOST FAMOUS CRAN-CURE
CONCERNS THE DREADED U.T.I.,

OR URINARY TRACT INFECTION.

WHEN I WAS A KID,
I CAN REMEMBER MY DOCTOR SAYING,

"I'M GOING TO WRITE YOU A
PRESCRIPTION FOR CRANBERRY JUICE

AND I WANT YOU TO DRINK THAT
THREE TIMES DAILY,

AND THAT LITTLE PROBLEM OF YOURS
SHOULD CLEAR RIGHT UP."

HOW IS THAT?

OH, IT'S COMPLICATED.

TRY ME.

WELL, IT HAS TO DO WITH
HIPPURIC AND QUINIC ACIDS

AND THEY JUST BURN UP
THE BACTERIA.

OKAY.

THANKS.

WRONG.

NOW WE KNOW THAT IN--

WELL... OH, COME ON,
LET'S GET SMALL.

AN IMPRESSIVE PILE OF RESEARCH
HAS SHOWN THAT

THE PHYTOCHEMICALS IN
CRANBERRIES CALLED

PROANTHOCYANIDINS,
OR P.A.C.s FOR SHORT,

CAN PREVENT BACTERIAL INFECTIONS

IN VARIOUS PARTS OF THE BODY
ESPECIALLY THE MOUTH, STOMACH

AND URINARY TRACT WHERE BACTERIA
CAN ADHERE TO HEALTHY TISSUE

AND COLONIZE, MAKING YOU SICK.

AS YOU CAN SEE, HERE'S ONE OF
THE NASTY LITTLE BOOGERS NOW.

OF COURSE, YOU KNOW
ANTIBIOTICS SEEK TO KILL,

BUT OFTEN JUST MAKE
BACTERIA MAD

AND GIVE THEM AN OPPORTUNITY
TO DEVELOP RESISTANCY.

P.A.C.s--OR PACS--
ON THE OTHER HAND,

STICK TO THE BONDING STRUCTURES
ON THE BACTERIA,

PREVENTING THEM
FROM STICKING TO YOUR INSIDES.

IF THEY CAN'T STICK,
THEY CAN'T MAKE YOU SICK.

OF COURSE, THIS IS
A PREVENTATIVE MEASURE

BUT IF YOU ASK ME,
IT IS ONE WORTH TAKING.

AS FOR THIS GUY, WELL,
YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO HOPE

THAT THIS PASSES ON
DOWN THE LINE.

GONNA HURT THOUGH.

¶

IF YOU COULD DRAW A MAP
OF THE TASTE BUDS

OF THE AMERICAN TONGUE,
THIS IS HOW IT WOULD LOOK.

AT LEAST WHEN IT COMES
TO DESSERT,

SWEET, SWEET, SWEET,
SWEET, SWEET.

WE DON'T GO FOR TART.
WE DON'T GO FOR SOUR.

WE DON'T GO FOR BITTER
OR SALTY.

JUST SWEET.

BUT THAT IS NOT GOING TO STOP ME
FROM ENJOYING A DELIGHTFUL

AND DELIGHTFULLY TART
CRANBERRY DESSERT.

I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU.

WE WILL DECREASE THE BITTERNESS
TO AN ACCEPTABLE LEVEL,

BUT NOT BY OVERDOSING
ON SUGAR.

INSTEAD, WE WILL USE COLD.

HERE WE HAVE
THE VERY SAME SAUCEPAN

WE USED FOR OUR CRANBERRY SAUCE,
ONLY THIS TIME,

WE WILL LOAD IT UP WITH
5 1/2 OUNCES OF CRANBERRIES.

THAT'S ABOUT A CUP AND A HALF.

2 CUPS OF WATER,

3/4 CUPS OF SUGAR

AND HALF A TEASPOON
OF FRESHLY GRATED LIME ZEST.

ACTUALLY, I'LL HOLD OFF
ON THAT ONE FOR A WHILE.

NOW PUT THAT
TO MEDIUM-HIGH HEAT,

BRING IT TO A SIMMER,
THEN REDUCE THE HEAT

AND COOK UNTIL THE BERRIES POP.

OF COURSE THE PIGMENTS
IN CRANBERRIES, ANTHOCYANIDINS,

ARE VERY EFFECTIVE DYES,
SO DRESS ACCORDINGLY.

¶

ALL RIGHT.
IT'S BEEN SEVEN MINUTES.

THESE BERRIES SHOULD BE
SOFT ENOUGH TO APPLY...

THE STICK.
HA HA HA.

YES, YOU COULD USE
A BAR BLENDER FOR THIS

BUT I THINK IT WOULD
OVER PULVERIZE THE BERRIES.

I ONLY WANT THEM
MOSTLY PULVERIZED.

THIS IS HOT, SO BE CAREFUL.

THERE, PULVERIZED BUT STILL
EVER SO LIGHTLY CHUNKY.

PERFECT.
NOW WE STRAIN.

OUR TARGET--
A 9x13 BAKING DISH.

WE HAVE A FINE
METAL STRAINER

AND THIS MAY TAKE
A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

I KNOW, YOU WERE GONNA WANT
TO TAKE A SPOON OR SOMETHING

AND PUSH ALL THAT MUSH
THROUGH THERE,

BUT YOU DON'T WANT
TO DO THAT,

BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT
ANY OF THAT SOLID STUFF.

DON'T WORRY, YOUR PATIENCE
WILL BE REWARDED.

THERE WE GO.

LAST STEP... THE ZEST.

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE,

STIR THAT IN
TO EVENLY DISTRIBUTE.

THERE YOU GO.
THIS NOW MOVES DIRECTLY

TO YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD
CHILL CHEST.

NO, I DON'T MEAN
THE ONE UPSTAIRS HERE.

I MEAN THE DEEP CHILL
DOWN BELOW.

WE'RE GONNA NEED
A NICE LEVEL SPOT.

SO HERE WE GO.

JUST LAY IT OUT THUSLY.

I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.

YOU THOUGHT THAT I WAS
GONNA CHILL THIS

AND THEN CHURN IT
INTO A SORBET.

NO, I'VE GOT OTHER PLANS.

LET THIS FREEZE
ROCK HARD, DO YOU HEAR?

¶

BY THE 17th CENTURY,

THE ITALIANS AND THE CHINESE

WERE MIXING SALTPETER
AND SNOW TOGETHER

TO CREATE SLUSHES SO COLD
THAT THEY COULD FREEZE

JUST ABOUT ANYTHING,

EVEN MIXTURES CONTAINING
A FAIR AMOUNT OF SUGAR.

NOW SINCE ICE CREAM CHURNS

WERE STILL
A COUPLE CENTURIES AWAY,

THE RESULTING ICES
WERE ROCK HARD,

THEY HAD TO BE SCRAPED
INTO GRAINS OR GRANITAS.

NOW LIKE KOSHER SALT,

THESE LARGE FLAKES MELT SLOWLY
ON THE TONGUE

ALLOWING FOR THE ENJOYMENT
OF A COMPLEX RANGE OF FLAVORS.

WHATEVER IS LEFT OVER CAN SIMPLY
BE COVERED, REFROZEN

AND SCRAPED ANOTHER DAY.

ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING?

DUE TO ITS CHALLENGING
BUT NOT-TOO-SWEET FLAVOR

AND CRIMSON HUE,

CRANBERRIES HAVE LONG BEEN
POPULAR WITH MIXOLOGISTS.

HUNDREDS OF CLASSIC
BAR APPLICATIONS

CALL FOR OUR HERO'S PRESENCE.

BUT FOR MOST OF
THE 20th CENTURY,

IT WAS ONLY A BOTTLE JUICE
FULL OF SUGAR

THAT BARKEEPS REACH FOR.

I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT NOW

THE WHOLE BERRY IS MAKING
ITS WAY BACK TO THE BAR,

DUE IN PART TO
THE POPULARITY OF DRINKS

SUCH AS THE COSMOPOLITAN,
AN UNABASHEDLY GIRLIE DRINK,

DESCENDANT OF THE MARTINI
WHICH MANY SAY

WAS CREATED IN MIAMI, FLORIDA.

OF COURSE, I WOULD NEVER
PERSONALLY DRINK A COSMOPOLITAN

IN A MILLION YEARS

UNLESS YOU PUT IT
IN FRONT OF ME.

I CAN'T HELP IT.

WHEN IT'S MADE RIGHT,
IT'S WELL, GOOD.

AND SINCE IT'S LOADED
WITH CRANBERRIES,

IT'S JUST GOT TO BE
GOOD FOR YOU, RIGHT?

AND IF YOU'VE MADE THE GRANITA,
YOU'RE ALREADY HALFWAY HAPPY.

LET'S MIX.

SIMPLY SCRAPE UP
OR BREAK OFF

2 1/2 OUNCES WORTH
OF THE GRANITA.

PLACE IN A COCKTAIL SHAKER

ALONG WITH 1 OUNCE
OF GOOD QUALITY VODKA

AND HALF AN OUNCE OF FRESHLY
SQUEEZED LIME JUICE.

LOAD UP AND SHAKE.

IDEALLY, YOU KEEP SHAKING UNTIL
YOU CAN HEAR THAT THE GRANITA

HAS COMPLETELY MELTED.

NOW WE SERVE.

NOW WHAT MAKES THIS VERSION
OF THE DRINK SUPERIOR

TO THOSE BUILT
ON CRANBERRY COCKTAIL?

WELL, FOR ONE THING,
THE FLAVOR IS SUPERIOR.

THANKS TO THE TART ASTRINGENCY
OF THE ACTUAL BERRY.

AND OF COURSE,
ALTHOUGH WE DID STRAIN

THE GRANITA MIXTURE
BEFORE WE FROZE IT,

IT STILL CONTAINS A GOOD BIT
OF THE PECTINS

OUT OF THE BERRY WHICH...

WELL, THEY DON'T ACTUALLY
THICKEN THE DRINK

BUT THEY DO ADD A SATISFYING
WEIGHT ON THE TONGUE.

AND OF COURSE,
YOU DO SERVE THIS

WITH A CRANBERRY
INSTEAD OF AN OLIVE.

WELL, I HOPE THAT WE'VE
INSPIRED YOU

TO TAKE UP SOME SLACK IN YOUR
AMERICAN CULINARY HERITAGE.

GETTING FRESH WITH
THE CRANBERRY.

IF YOU DON'T DO IT
FOR THE FLAVOR

OR FOR THE MANY CULINARY
POSSIBILITIES,

THEN DO IT PERHAPS
FOR YOUR HEALTH.

WHICH ONE OF YOU DOCTORS
ORDERED A COSMO?

OVER HERE.
HERE.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME
ON "GOOD EATS."

Closed Captions provided
by Scripps Networks, LLC.