Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 11, Episode 10 - Bean Stalker - full transcript



HI... CHUCK.
HEY, MR. B.

I BROUGHT YOU
SOME MORE BEANS.

YEAH, THIS IS THE THIRD BUSHEL
THIS WEEK.

YOU KNOW, I'VE COOKED
EVERY GREEN BEAN RECIPE

I HAVE... TWICE.

WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO WITH 'EM.

HEY, MY MOM--SHE USED
TO MAKE THIS GREAT DISH

WITH GREEN BEANS AND MUSHROOMS
AND THEN SHE PUT ONIONS ON TOP.

YOU MEAN
GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE?
YEAH, EXACTLY!

ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW, I DOUBT
SHE'D GIVE UP THE RECIPE.



SHE'S PRETTY TIGHT
WITH HER CREATIONS.
HMM, I BET SHE IS.

WELL, I'LL SEE IF I CAN'T
FIGURE THAT ONE OUT MYSELF.

THANKS--THANKS A LOT.
BYE, MR. B.

SEE YA.

(sighs)
WOW. GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE.

YOU KNOW,
EVERY YEAR OF MY YOUTH,

MY AUNT GERT WOULD BRING
GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE

TO THE BROWN FAMILY REUNION,
AND MY MOM WOULD MAKE ME EAT IT.

AUNT GERT HAD A LOT OF MONEY.

UGH--LIMP BEANS, GREASY ONIONS,

GRAVY OUT OF AN H.P. LOVECRAFT
STORY.

FINALLY, ONE YEAR I REFUSED,

CITING THE GENEVA CONVENTION.

SURE ENOUGH, AUNT GERT
LEFT ME OUT OF THE WILL.



STILL, IT'S
AN INTRIGUING PROPOSITION.

I SUPPOSE
THAT WITH SOME SOUND SCIENCE,

THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS

AND A TRIED-AND-TRUE
TECHNIQUE OR TWO,

EVEN GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE
CAN BE...

Closed Captions provided
by Scripps Networks, LLC.

Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

ALTHOUGH CHUCK HAS SET ME UP

WITH ALL THE PRODUCT I NEED,
MOST FOLKS BEGIN

THEIR GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE
ODYSSEY HERE

AT THE MEGA MART.

NOW WITH THE EXCEPTION
OF A FEW OLD-WORLD FAVORITES,

LIKE FAVA BEANS AND LENTILS,

MOST OF THE BEANS
THAT WE KNOW AND LOVE

ARE MEMBERS OF THE SPECIES
PHASEOLUS VULGARIS,

WHICH DESCENDED
FROM ONE PROTO-BEAN

WHICH GREW
IN THE SOUTHERN ANDES

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO.

NOW HOW IS IT THAT ONE SPECIES
EXHIBITS SO MUCH DIVERSITY?

THE ANSWER--MAIZE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THE GRAIN
THAT WE KNOW OF AS CORN

IS RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING US
ALL OF OUR BEANS.

NOW MAIZE HAS BEEN A STAPLE

ACROSS MOST OF CENTRAL
AND SOUTH AMERICA

FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

IT'S NUTRITIOUS, BUT LACKING
CRUCIAL AMINO ACIDS LIKE LYSINE.

ADD BEANS TO THE POT,

AND SUDDENLY YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF
A COMPLETE PROTEIN.

NOW ONCE THIS DIETARY MIRACLE
BECAME KNOWN,

BEANS SPREAD,
ADAPTING AND EVOLVING

AS IT MOVED ACROSS THE LANDSCAPE
AND ACROSS CULTURES.

BEANS' VOYAGE
TO THE OLD WORLD

AS PART
OF THE COLUMBIAN EXCHANGE

FURTHER ADAPTED THE BEAN,

AND THEN IT CAME BACK
TO THE NEW WORLD.

THE RESULT--WE GOT OURSELVES
A BIG OL' HEAP OF BEANS.

CHUCK! WHY ARE YOU OF ALL PEOPLE
SHOPPING FOR BEANS?

I'M LOOKING TO ADD
A LITTLE DIVERSITY

TO MY BREEDING PROGRAM,
BUT THERE ARE SO MANY.

WELL, MAYBE I CAN
HELP YOU OUT.

WHAT YOU'RE HOLDING THERE
IS BASICALLY THE PURPLE BEAN,

THE PURPLE VERSION

OF THE STANDARD
CAPRICE GREEN BEAN.
OH, RIGHT.

I BROUGHT A BUNCH OF THOSE
TO YOU THIS MORNING...
YEAH.

BUT THEY'RE TOO SHORT.
OH, WELL, IT'S
A GREAT ALL-PURPOSE BEAN.

HERE WE HAVE A COUPLE
OF FLAT VARIETIES--

THE DRAGON AND THE ROMANO.

THEY CAN STAND UP
TO LONG COOKING,

BUT BECAUSE THEY'RE FLAT,

THEY'RE EASIER TO LAY
ON THE COUNTER AND CUT,

SO THEY'RE GOOD IN FRESH SALADS
AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
BUT DO THEY GROW TALL?

TALL--NOT PARTICULARLY.
TOO SHORT!
TOO SHORT--OKAY.

WELL, HERE! OH, THESE ARE
LOVELY LITTLE HARICOTS VERTS,

LITTLE FRENCH BEANS USED
IN THINGS LIKE SALADE NIçOISE--

VERY TASTY, VERY TENDER.
BUT DO THOSE GROW TALL?

NOT PARTICULARLY.
TOO SHORT! TOO SHORT.

OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW
ABOUT THESE GUYS--

OH, HERE--
HUNGARIAN WAX BEANS,

VERY KIND OF TOUGH BEANS--
THEY'RE USED OFTEN IN PICKLING,

BUT THEY DON'T GROW
PARTICULARLY...
DO THOSE GROW TALL?

NO, NOT TERRIBLY.
TOO SHORT!

WELL, THAT JUST LEAVES US

WITH THE GOOD OL'
AMERICAN POLE BEAN.

THIS CAN STAND UP
TO A LOT OF COOKING--

GOOD IN SOUPS, STEWS,
THINGS LIKE THAT.
WHY DO THEY
CALL THEM POLE BEANS?

POLES? WELL, THE VINES
ARE REAL GROWERS,

SO THEY GROW THEM UP POLES,
TRELLISES, THINGS LIKE THAT.

THAT'S PERFECT! IT SHOULD
GIVE ME THAT FEW EXTRA FEET.

(whispers)
I GOT IT. THANK YOU.

YOU NEED TO--

THANKS, MR. BROWN.

UM, REGARDLESS
OF THE GREEN BEANS

THAT YOU SEEK,

YOU ALWAYS WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT THEY ARE UNIFORM IN COLOR,

LIKE THIS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE
ANY BLEMISHES, ANY DARK SPOTS.

AND WHEN YOU BEND THEM,
THEY SHOULD SNAP CRISPLY

AT ABOUT 90 DEGREES.

IF THEY DON'T, THEY'RE OLD.

AND IF THEY'RE OLD,
YOU DON'T WANT THEM!

HE GIVES ME THE SPOOKS!

MODERN GREEN BEANS
HAVE BEEN BRED

WITH A LITTLE EXTRA FIBER
IN THEM TO HELP THEM SURVIVE

SHIPPING AND HANDLING,

BUT THEY STILL DON'T BEAR UP
IN THE REFRIGERATOR TOO WELL,

BECAUSE THEIR METABOLISM
KEEPS TICKING

EVEN AFTER PICKING.

SO I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM
MORE THAN FIVE DAYS IN HERE.

AND THE TRICK IS TO SEAL THEM
IN AN AIRTIGHT CONTAINER.

I LIKE ZIP-TOP BAGS,
BUT CONDENSATION

UP AGAINST THE BEANS
IS A BAD THING.

SO I GENERALLY LEAVE
THE BAG OPEN,

PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE,
LET THEM CHILL DOWN

AND SUCK OUT THE AIR
BEFORE STORAGE.

I'LL BE BACK.

ONCE UPON A TIME,
A TOUGH BUNDLE OF FIBERS,

KIND OF LIKE GREEN DENTAL FLOSS,

RAN UP THE SPINE
OF MOST GREEN BEANS.

OF COURSE, THEY HAD TO BE
STRIPPED OFF

BEFORE SAID BEAN
COULD BE SNAPPED.

LUCKILY, THE STRING HAS BEEN
BRED OUT OF MOST MODERN PODS,

THOUGH YOU
MAY STILL ENCOUNTER THEM

IN HEIRLOOM VARIETIES.

SO AFTER A GOOD RINSE,

I LIKE TO JUST GET
A KIND OF A BUNDLE IN ONE HAND,

AND THEN I USE MY THUMB
AND FOREFINGER

TO BREAK OFF THE STEM END,
THEN TRANSFER TO THIS HAND

TO SNAP THE LONG BEANS
IN HALF.

SHORT ONES
YOU CAN LEAVE INTACT.

NOW AS FAR AS COOKING GOES,

I THINK OF BEANS
THE WAY I DO PASTA.

IN OTHER WORDS,
I DON'T EVER PUT THESE

INTO A POT OF WATER
WITHOUT HAVING

AT LEAST A GALLON OF WATER
AT A BOIL,

LIBERALLY SEASONED WITH NOT 1,
BUT 2 TABLESPOONS OF SALT.

NOW I PROBABLY COULD PACK
THESE BEANS

INTO A SMALLER VESSEL,

BUT ALL THIS WATER
DOES TWO THINGS.

FIRST, IT'LL BOUNCE BACK QUICKLY
TO A BOIL,

WHICH WILL SHORTEN
THE OVERALL COOKING TIME.

AND THAT IS GOOD,
BECAUSE IT'LL HELP

PREVENT THESE BEANS
FROM TURNING BROWN.

WHY? HOLD ON.

WHEN BEANS
GO INTO BOILING WATER,

SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENS.

WITHIN A COUPLE OF MOMENTS,
THE GREEN BRIGHTENS

AS OXYGEN MASKING
THE CHLOROPHYLL PIGMENT

IS RELEASED INTO THE WATER.
AW, IT'S PRETTY.

NOW AS THE COOKING CONTINUES,

CELL WALLS
WITHIN THE BEANS SOFTEN,

WHICH IS ALSO A GOOD THING,
'CAUSE IT MEANS

THAT IT'S GONNA BE EASIER FOR US
TO GET TO GOOD STUFF,

LIKE MINERALS
AND VITAMINS C AND K.

BUT THERE'S
ALSO A DOWNSIDE HERE.

YOU SEE,
AS THE COOKING CONTINUES,

WE ALSO START TO RELEASE ACIDS,

WHICH, IF THEY LEAK
INTO THE WATER,

WILL ATTACK THE CHLOROPHYLL,

TURNING THE BEAN
KIND OF BROWN-GRAY.

NOW BY COOKING
IN PLENTY OF WATER,

THESE ACIDS CAN BE DILUTED,
WHICH IS GOOD.

BUT IT WOULD BE BETTER
TO NOT LET THEM OUT

IN THE FIRST PLACE,

SO CHECK YOUR BEANS OFTEN
DURING COOKING.

AND BE READY TO PULL THEM.

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.


DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

AS SOON AS THE BEANS
ARE TENDER TO THE TOOTH--

MMM--WHAT THEY CALL
BEAN AL DENTE--HOT--

YOU WANT TO DRAIN THEM
INTO A COLANDER

AND THEN MOVE THEM
INTO AN ICE WATER BATH

TO SHUT DOWN
THE COOKING PROCESS.

ONCE THE BEANS
ARE SAFELY CHILLED,

WE CAN MOVE ON
TO THE NEXT CASSEROLE COMPONENT.

UNLIKE THE CLASSIC DISHES
OF MOST CULTURES,

MUCH OF THE AMERICAN
CULINARY CANON WAS BORN

OF THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.

YOU SEE, BY THE TURN
OF THE LAST CENTURY,

PANTRIES WERE FLOODING
WITH NEW POSSIBILITIES--

PROCESSED FOODS IN BOXES, TINS,
JARS, BOTTLES AND ENVELOPES.

ALL PROMISED VARIETY
AND A NEW WORD--CONVENIENCE.

NOW ONE OF THE COMPANIES
THAT SPRANG UP DURING THIS TIME

WAS A COLLABORATION

BETWEEN AN ICEBOX
MANUFACTURER--ABRAHAM ANDERSON--

AND A FRUIT MERCHANT
NAMED JOSEPH CAMPBELL.

THEIR JOSEPH CAMPBELL
PRESERVE COMPANY

SOLD CANNED TOMATOES,
VEGETABLE SOUPS,

MINCED MEATS,
THINGS LIKE THAT.

NOW IN 1897, A CHEMIST NAMED
DR. JOHN T. DORRANCE

JOINED THE COMPANY
AND FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO REMOVE MUCH OF THE WATER
FROM SOUP,

WHICH MEANT THAT A 32-OUNCE,
YOU KNOW, CAN OF SOUP

COULD BASICALLY GO
IN A 10-OUNCE CAN.

SUCH CONDENSED SOUPS
BECAME SO POPULAR

THAT PRETTY SOON,

THE JOSEPH CAMPBELL
PRESERVE COMPANY

JUST BECAME
CAMPBELL'S SOUP, OKAY?

LIKE MANY MANUFACTURERS
OF THE PERIOD,

CAMPBELL'S GOT INTO A NEW THING
CALLED MARKETING.

TATE, I'M NOT TO SURE
ABOUT THIS YUM-YUM STUFF.

WHAT ELSE YA GOT?
WELL, DARREN?

WELL, THERE IS ONE MORE,
MR. BAILEY.

(laughs nervously)
WE PUBLISH A BOOKLET

CALLED "HINTS FOR HOSTESSES,"

FULL OF RECIPES FOR DISHES

BUILT AROUND YOUR PRODUCTS--

PRODUCTS NO ONE ELSE MAKES.

WHAT KIND OF RECIPES?
YEAH, DARREN,
WHAT KIND?

WELL, HOW ABOUT
SOMETHING CHEAP

LIKE GREEN BEANS?

AND?
AND?

AND CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP!

AND?
AND?

AND FRIED ONIONS?

THAT...

IS BRILLIANT!

IT IS BRILLIANT!

I'LL HAVE MY SECRETARY
SEND OVER THE PAPERS.

(man) BRILLIANT, AND HOW!

AMERICANS
JUST COULDN'T GET ENOUGH

OF THIS NEW STYLE
OF HOME COOKING.

(Alton) OF ALL THE DISHES
BORN IN THIS AGE,

NONE REACHED GREATER POPULARITY
THAN THE GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE,

WHICH ORIGINALLY CALLED

FOR 4 CUPS OF COOKED,
CUT GREEN BEANS,

ONE CAN
OF CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP,

SOME MILK, SOME SOY SAUCE,
A DASH OF PEPPER

AND CANNED FRENCH FRIED ONIONS.

WAS IT GOOD? SURE, IT WAS,
BUT IT COULD BE GOOD EATS.

(knock on door)
WHAT THE DEVIL?

OH, MY.

HI, UH, CHUCK.

UM, YOU KNOW,
HUGGY BEAR JUST CALLED,

AND HE WANTS HIS HAT BACK.

GOOD ONE, MR. B.

I'M JUST TRYING
TO KEEP IT REAL.

YEAH.
I BROUGHT YOU
SOME MORE BEANS.

OH, OKAY.

YEAH, THESE ARE A LITTLE SMALLER
THAN THE LAST BATCH.

I'M NOT INTO
BIG BEANS ANYMORE.

I'VE INVESTED
IN A HIGHER CALLING.

IT'S BEEN A HARD CLIMB,
BUT IT'S BEEN VERY REWARDING.

YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY
THAT I STOLE A POT OF GOLD

FROM A GIANT--NO!
DON'T SAY THAT.

PEACE, MR. B.

YEAH.

PEACE...

WHERE WERE WE?

OH, YEAH! ONIONS.

STEP ONE--GET YOURSELF
A GIGANTIC MIXING BOWL.

THIS ONE USED TO BE
A SATELLITE DISH,

BUT HEY, WHO NEEDS
ALL THOSE CHANNELS?

NOW INTO THAT GOES 1/4 OF A CUP
OF ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR,

1 TEASPOON OF SALT--
KOSHER, OF COURSE--

AND 2 TABLESPOONS

OF JAPANESE OR PANKO
BREADCRUMBS,

WHICH ARE MY PERSONAL FAVORITE.

WHY? WELL...

COME HERE.

HERE WE HAVE REGULAR
STORE-BOUGHT BREADCRUMBS.

OKAY? PLEASE NOTE THE SHAPE
AND TEXTURE.

NOW HERE
WE HAVE PLAYGROUND SAND.

NOTICE THE SIMILARITY.

THE MAIN DIFFERENCE IS
IS THAT THIS,

WELL, PROBABLY TASTES BETTER.

NOW CHECK OUT
PANKO BREADCRUMBS, OKAY?

THIS JAGGED TEXTURE MAKES
FOR A CRUNCHY YET LIGHT CRUST.

HOW DO THEY DO IT, YOU ASK?

I'LL TELL YA.

UNLIKE MOST BREADCRUMBS
MADE ON PLANET EARTH,

THE MAKERS OF PANKO

DO NOT JUST CRUMBLE UP
DRY PIECES OF BREAD.

NO, NO, NO, NO--

THEY'RE VERY SECRETIVE
ABOUT HOW THEY DO IT,

BUT I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH
TO PURCHASE SOME PLANS

FOR MY HOMEMADE PANKO MACHINE
ON THE INTERNET.

WHAT YOU NEED

IS YOU GET YOURSELF A VERY,
VERY FINE MESH METAL SCREEN.

AND YOU'VE GOT
YOUR PATENTED BATTER HERE,

AND YOU JUST ROLL THAT OUT

ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN,
LIKE THIS.

SEE, WE'VE GOT PLENTY
OF COVERAGE.

THERE WE GO. THAT LOOKS GOOD.

NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO

IS APPLY THE CORRECT AMOUNT
OF CURRENT.

(laughs maniacally)

(mechanical noise rises)

(electricity crackles)

PANKO BREADCRUMBS,
HERE WE COME!

(laughs maniacally)

(coughing)

AND THAT IS
WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BUY

YOUR JAPANESE-STYLE
BREADCRUMBS.

YOUR JAPANESE-STYLE
BRE CRUMBS.

WITH OUR BREADING
SAFELY ASSEMBLED,

WE ARE READY TO CUT
TWO MEDIUM ONIONS

(French accent)
WAFER THIN.

(normal voice)
ALTHOUGH I COULD DO THIS

WITH A KNIFE IF I FELT LIKE IT,
I'D RATHER USE A MANDOLINE.

THE SHOW'S STARTING TO RUN
A LITTLE THICK ON GAGS,

DON'T YOU THINK?

I SPEAK, OF COURSE,

OF THE SECOND MOST FAMOUS
CUTTING DEVICE

TO EVER COME OUT OF FRANCE,
THE FIRST BEING...

ALTHOUGH FULL-SIZE
STAND-MODEL MANDOLINES

ARE CONVENIENT FOR TACKLING
50-POUND SACKS OF POTATOES,

I FIND THAT A SMALL
HANDHELD UNIT LIKE THIS

IS FAR BETTER FOR MOST JOBS.

BUT DO YOURSELF A FAVOR--
ALWAYS USE THE HAND GUARD.

A LOT OF CHEFS THROW THESE AWAY,
WHICH IS WHY THEY HAVE NICKNAMES

LIKE "STUBBS" AND "BLEEDY."

OKAY, HERE--WE CUT.

I'M JUST GONNA SET THAT
RIGHT INTO THE BOWL--

NO REASON TO GET
OTHER DEVICES INVOLVED.

AND WE CUT.

THERE'S ONE.

NOW JUST BREAK ALL THE RINGS UP
WITH YOUR FINGERS,

BUT TRY TO KEEP YOUR FINGERS
OUT OF THE BREADING,

BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA BE
PRETTY WET.

AND THAT IS WHY WE HAVE
SUCH A BIG BOWL--

BECAUSE WE CAN TOSS.

FETCH DOWN
A SHEET PAN LIKE THIS,

LUBE IT UP
WITH A LITTLE NO-STICK SPRAY,

AND PILE ON THE ONIONS.

YOU WANT
TO EVENLY DISTRIBUTE THESE,

SO THAT THEY WILL COOK EVENLY.

STASH THESE IN A 475-DEGREE OVEN

FOR 30 MINUTES,

AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU TOSS THEM
THOROUGHLY AT LEAST TWO TIMES

DURING THE COOKING PROCESS.

IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL BE SORRY.

WHILE THE ONIONS COOK,

WE TURN OUR ATTENTION
TO A SAUCE.

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT A HUGE FAN
OF CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP,

THOSE OLD AD MEN
WERE ON TO SOMETHING,

BECAUSE MUSHROOMS DO WORK
AND PLAY WELL WITH BEANS,

ESPECIALLY WHEN BATHED
IN A FRESH CREAM SAUCE.

NOW LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE
16 TO 17 MUSHROOMS HERE.

THAT'S ABOUT 12 OUNCES,
WHICH WILL BE JUST RIGHT.

AND THEY SEEM
TO BE PRETTY CLEAN,

SO NO WASHING NECESSARY.

NOW WHEN IT COMES
TO SLICING MUSHROOMS,

MANDOLINES AREN'T...

VERY EFFECTIVE,
BUT NO MATTER.

WE'VE GOT
OLDER TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE.

WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR SLICES
HERE, JUST KIND OF CHUNKS,

SO I'M JUST GONNA
KIND OF ROLL THEM AROUND

ON THE BOARD
TO GET THOSE CHUNKS.

NOW IF YOU HAPPEN
TO FIND ONE THAT HAS

A REALLY WOODY BOTTOM
TO THE STEM,

JUST SLICE THAT OFF,
BECAUSE IT WILL NOT GET BETTER

DURING COOKING.

PLACE YOUR FAVORITE
12-INCH CAST-IRON SKILLET

OVER MEDIUM-HIGH HEAT

AND ADD 2 TABLESPOONS
OF UNSALTED BUTTER.

ONCE MELTED,

ADD YOUR MUSHROOM CHUNKS

ALONG WITH 1 TEASPOON
OF KOSHER SALT

AND 1/2 TEASPOON
OF FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER.

COOK, STIRRING OCCASIONALLY,
UNTIL THE MUSHROOMS

BEGIN TO GIVE UP
SOME OF THEIR LIQUIDS.

IT'S GONNA TAKE
ABOUT FOUR TO FIVE MINUTES.

NOW TIME TO ADD MORE FLAVORS
TO THE PARTY--

TWO CLOVES OF GARLIC, MINCED,

AND 1/4 TEASPOON OF NUTMEG--

FRESHLY GRATED NUTMEG, ALWAYS.

OKAY, TIME TO BRING
THE THICKENER TO THE PARTY.

JUST SPRINKLE 2 TABLESPOONS
OF ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR

OVER THE MIXTURE,

AND I LIKE TO DO THIS
WITH A LITTLE HAND SIEVE,

TO KEEP IT EVENLY DISPERSED
AND LUMP-FREE.

THERE.

NOW WE'RE LOOKING
TO THE STARCH TO SWELL

AND THICKEN THE SAUCE,

BUT FIRST WE'RE GONNA USE

THE RELATIVELY HIGH HEAT
OF THE PAN

TO COOK THE RAW CEREAL FLAVOR
OUT OF THE FLOUR.

THAT'LL TAKE ABOUT A MINUTE,

BUT KEEP IT MOVING
THE ENTIRE TIME.

THAT LOOKS GOOD. AND YOU NOTICE,
THE PAN LOOKS COMPLETELY DRY.

THAT'S THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE.

NOW WE BEGIN WITH THE LIQUIDS--
A CUP OF CHICKEN BROTH.

STIR THIS CONSTANTLY
FOR 60 SECONDS,

AS THE BROTH, WHICH IS,
OF COURSE, MOSTLY WATER--

IT'S GONNA HEAT,
HYDRATE THE FLOUR GRANULES,

AND THAT'LL ALLOW THE STARCH
TO SWELL, WHICH IS WHAT WE WANT.

NEXT UP, HALF-AND-HALF--
1 CUP.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE HEAT
CURDLING THIS.

IT'S GOT PLENTY OF FAT
INSIDE OF IT.

BESIDES, THERE ARE ALL THESE
SWOLLEN STARCH MOLECULES

FLOATING AROUND NOW

THAT WILL KEEP
THE DAIRY PROTEINS APART.

LOWER THE HEAT
AND MAINTAIN A LOW SIMMER,

STIRRING OCCASIONALLY,
UNTIL THE SAUCE REACHES

ITS FULL THICKENING POTENTIAL.

THAT'LL TAKE
ABOUT 6 1/2 MINUTES,

DEPENDING ON THE HEAT

AND THE EXACT AMOUNT OF FAT
IN YOUR HALF-AND-HALF.

THE ONIONS ARE DONE. THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE.

WE'LL LET THESE COOL
AND TURN THE OVEN DOWN TO 400.

ALL RIGHT,
WE HAVE ALL THE COMPONENTS

NECESSARY TO CONSTRUCT
OUR CASSEROLE.

WE WILL BEGIN BY ADDING
ABOUT A QUARTER OF THE ONIONS.

STIR THAT IN A LITTLE BIT
AND ADD ALL OF THE BEANS.

KIND OF FOLD THEM
INTO THE SAUCE.

I DON'T WANT TO STIR
REAL AGGRESSIVELY,

'CAUSE THEY MIGHT BREAK APART.
I'D LIKE TO KEEP THEM WHOLE,

SO JUST KIND OF MOVE AROUND
THE SIDES OF THE PAN, FOLDING.

AT THIS POINT, THE SAUCE
SHOULD BE THICK ENOUGH

TO WHERE IT'S NOT GONNA
SPLATTER AROUND ON YOU.

THERE. NOW KIND OF SMOOTH OUT
THE TOP A BIT,

AND BRING ON THE REST
OF THE ONIONS.

JUST SCATTER THEM ACROSS,

NICE AND EVENLY.

AHH, 400 DEGREES, 15 MINUTES

OR UNTIL NICE AND BUBBLY.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART--
NO PATIENCE NECESSARY--

THIS CAN GO STRAIGHT
FROM THE OVEN TO THE TABLE,

NO REST NEEDED.

HEY, CHUCK, ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, FINE. I'M JUST OUT
FOR A LEISURELY CLIMB--

STROLL! I WASN'T CLIMBING
ANYTHING. WHO SAID CLIMBING?

HEY, JUST CALM DOWN.
CALM DOWN. HEY, LOOK.

I'VE GOT GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE
JUST LIKE YOUR MOM USED TO MAKE.
WHAT?!

WHAT? OH, SIDE DISH, RIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED A MAIN COURSE.

HERE.

IS THIS A CHICKEN?
NO, IT'S A HEN.

LOOK, TAKE IT. I'M GONNA BE
OUT OF TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS.

YOU CAN TAKE ALL THE BEANS
YOU WANT.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED THIS.
WHY?

PEACE OUT!
WAIT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT--
NO, I DON'T WANT--

DOES SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS SCENARIO

SEEM ODDLY FAMILIAR?
(breaking metal and glass)

(man growling)
FEE-FI-FO-FUM!

(loud thud and more crashing)

YES, INDEED IT DOES.

I SMELL THE--
(snorts)

GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE!
(snorts again)

WHERE IS IT?
OW, OW,
HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT.

IT'S DOWN HERE, MISTER GIANT,

IF YOU WANT TO TRY SOME.

LAY SOME ON ME, LITTLE MAN.
HERE YOU GO.

OW! KINDA HOT.
HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

MMM, SMELLS GOOD,
BETTER THAN THE WIFE'S.

SHE GETS HERS
FROM THE BACK OF A CAN.

(woman) HONEY, YOU GET
BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!

UM, GOTTA GO.

YOU SEE THAT MAN THAT STOLE
MY HEN, YOU LET ME KNOW.

YEAH, I'LL BE
SURE TO DO THAT.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
YOU HAVE A NICE DAY NOW.

HONEY!
I'M COMING,
HONEY BUN!

PEACE OUT,
LITTLE DUDE.

(heavy thuds and breaking glass)

WELL, TODAY
DIDN'T EXACTLY WORK OUT

THE WAY
THAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD,

BUT, YOU KNOW, AS THEY SAY
OF FAIRY TALES,

THEY ALSO SAY OF GREEN BEANS.

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS GOOD...

EATS, THAT IS!

OF COURSE, I WISH
HE'D LEFT ME A BITE.

OH, WELL.