Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 10, Episode 9 - Okraphobia - full transcript
WELL, THANKS FOR HAVIN'
ME ABOARD, CAP'N.
WHATEVER.
YOUR CHECK CLEARED.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
OH, GOOD,
GOOD, GOOD.
SO THIS IS A REAL,
LIVE SQUID SHIP.
AYE, BUT THIS AIN'T
NO PLEASURE CRUISE,
MR. BROWN.
WHY ARE YOU SO
EAGER TO SHIP OUT
ON A HARD-WORKIN'
RESEARCH VESSEL?
WELL, CAP'N,
THE TRUTH IS,
I FEEL LIKE I OWE
A DEBT TO SQUID.
SEE, I WORK ON THIS
COOKING SHOW,
AND A LONG, LONG
TIME AGO,
WE DID AN EPISODE
ABOUT SQUID.
I'VE HEARD OF PEOPLE
EATIN' SQUID.
WHERE I'M FROM,
THEY CALL THAT "BAIT."
WELL, EVERYTHING'S
BAIT TO SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, I GOT SO CAUGHT
UP IN DOING THESE
CUTESY LITTLE SKITS
THAT I HARDLY DID
ANY COOKING.
I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE
THE WORLD'S MOST POPULAR
RESTAURANT APPETIZER.
AH, SPICY WINGS.
I LOVE 'EM!
(mouthing words)
YEAH, ME, TOO.
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT
CALAMARI! CALAMARI.
ISN'T THAT A HINDU GOD?
NO, I DON'T--
ACTUALLY, NOW THAT
YOU MENTION IT,
I THINK IT MIGHT BE.
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
WHAT IS IS THAT SQUID
IS PROBABLY THE MOST
CULINARILY VERSATILE
CRITTER
ON THE ENTIRE PLANET,
AND I MEAN
TO DO IT JUSTICE.
WHATEVER.
BE DARK SOON.
BEST GET TO YOUR
QUARTERS, MR. BROWN,
AND START
COOKIN' UP SOME...
(suspenseful music)
¶
Captioning provided by
Scripps Networks, Inc.
Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
OH... WOW.
SPACIOUS.
YOU KNOW, SQUID HAVE
ALWAYS BEEN BIG FAVORITES
IN THE INTERNATIONAL MARKET,
BUT UNTIL RECENTLYDWOULI
BET THAT MOST AMERICANS
WOULD SIDE WITH OUR CAPTAIN.
MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
OH, WELL.
LUCKILY, BACK IN THE '90s,
CALAMARI CRASHED OUR SHORE,
CONVERTING MANY A SQUID-PHOBIC
INTO SQUID FANS.
HAVE TO WONDER--
WHAT'S THE BEST TIME OF DAY
TO CATCH A CALAMARI, ANYWAY?
WELL, NIGHTTIME,
OF COURSE.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WHEN THE MOON
IS FULL, SOME SPECIES
CONGREGATE AT
THE SURFACE AT NIGHT,
AND THAT MAKES
'EM EASY PREY
FOR FISHERMEN.
OH.
YOU MUST BE
A NEW COOK.
MR. BROWN, IS IT?
OH, YEAH. ABSOLUTELY.
AND YOU MUST BE...
THE SQUID DOCTOR.
SO TELL ME SOMETHING.
WILL AN ARTIFICIAL
MOON WORK?
IN A SENSE.
THE 19th-CENTURY
CHINESE IMMIGRANTS
USED TO USE THE PAPER
LANTERNS WHEN THEY
WERE FISHIN' FOR SQUID
IN MONTEREY BAY.
YOU DON'T SAY!
YEAH. NOWADAYS WE DON'T
USE PAPER LANTERNS.
WE USE BIG BANKS
OF MASSIVE LIGHTS.
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
FASCINATING.
SQUID ARE PRETTY
COOL CREATURES.
WELL, IT'S GOOD
TO HAVE YOU ABOARD.
OH, THANKS!
SEE YOU LATER.
GET TO WORK.
I'LL GET TO WORK.
LANTERNS.
COME ON. COME ON,
SQUIDY-SQUIDY-SQUIDY.
THAT'S IT. COME TO THE LIGHT.
JUMP INTO THE PRETTY NET.
COME ON--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CATCHING DINNER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WATCHING YOU MESS UP
MY RESEARCH.
SHE SEEMS KIND OF
UPTIGHT, DOESN'T SHE?
I'LL NOT HAVE YOU
ANTAGONIZING MY
CLIENT, MR. BROWN.
AND I'LL THANK YOU
TO STAY IN THE GALLEY
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
FINE!
SO I'M LOCKED UP IN ANOTHER
KITCHEN FOR ANOTHER SHOW.
(sighs)
WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL
FIND OUT WHAT THEY GOT
TO EAT AROUND HERE.
(laughs)
LET'S SEE.
WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS?
THE CABINET OF DR. CALAMARI.
BEHOLD...
AKA "PACIFIC MARKET SQUID."
THIS IS THE SQUID
YOU WILL MOST OFTEN GET
WHEN YOU GET SQUID
IN WESTERN STATES.
NOW, UH--OOH!
E RE WHEHAVE THE COMMON
EASTERN VARIETIES...
WHICH PRETTY MUCH
TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME,
ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN TOLD
THAT THE SHORT-FINNED
ARE CONSIDERED BY SOME
TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE
ON THE CHEWY SIDE.
NOW I LIKE TO BUY SQUID
WHOLE WHENEVER I CAN,
BUT ONLY WHEN I KNOW
THAT I'M GOING
TO COOK THEM WITHIN HOURS.
EVEN ON ICE
OR IN A COLD REFRIGERATOR,
HIGH-PROTEIN SQUID
WILL DECOMPOSE QUICKER
THAN MOZART
WITH AN ELECTRIC ERASER.
THAT IS WHY CLEANED,
CUT, FROZEN SQUID
ARE THE STANDARD
OF THE RESTAURANT INDUSTRY
HERE IN THE UNITED STATES.
AND THAT'S OKAY BY ME,
BECAUSE SQUID FREEZES
AND IN SOME CASES,
EVEN REFREEZES FABULOUSLY.
BUT IF YOU ARE COMMITTED
TO WORKING WITH FRESH,
YOU'RE GONNA WANNA BUY
THE FRESHEST YOU CAN GET.
SO USE YOUR NOSE.
ODDS ARE IF THEY SMELL STINKY
WITH ANY TRACES OF AMMONIA,
YOU WILL WANT TO PASS.
I'M TOLD THAT COLOR CAN ALSO
BE AN INDICATOR OF FRESHNESS.
YOU WANT THE SKIN TO BE
SLIMY, NOT DRY,
AND THE COLOR SHOULD BE DARK
AND MOTTLED, NEVER PINK.
YOU KNOW, I'VE HEARD
THAT THESE LITTLE GUYS
CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE COLOR
IN THEIR LIVES.
HOW?
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
CHROMATOPHORES.
CHROMATOPHORES?
YEAH.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DID YOU MAKE THIS
YOURSELF?
YEAH. WHAT DO
YOU THINK?
I THINK IT'S SWEET.
IT'S SUPER SWEET.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A MODEL
OF SQUID SKIN.
OH!
WHAT ARE THE BALLOONS?
THE BALLOONS REPRESENT
CHROMATOPHORES.
THEY'RE COLOR-
CONTAINING CELLS,
AND WHEN THEY EXPAND,
THE COLOR DISPERSES
OVER A WIDER AREA.
OH.
GO AHEAD. TRY IT.
LIKE THAT.
SO NOW WE'VE GOT
AN ORANGE SQUID.
YEAH, BUT TRY THE BLUE.
OKAY.
HE'S BEEN LISTENING TO
MILES DAVIS. I GOT IT.
SO THAT WOULD
COMBINE TO MAKE
A WHOLE NEW COLOR.
SWEET.
SO WHY WOULD A SQUID
WANNA DO THIS?
IT HAS A WHOLE
VARIETY OF USES.
THEY CAN USE 'EM
IN CAMOUFLAGE,
BUT THEY CAN ALSO USE
THEM IN FINDING A MATE.
YEAH? SQUID BLING.
THAT'S COOL.
UM, WHAT COLOR WOULD
A SQUID CHICK DIG?
FLASHING COLORS.
FLASHING.
RED OR BLUE?
REDDISH.
REDDISH. COOL.
WELL, DOES THE COLOR
AFFECT THE FLAVOR?
NO, THE SKIN ITSELF
DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE
ANY TASTE TO IT,
BUT IT CAN BE
KINDA CHEWY.
WHICH IS WHY
WE TAKE IT OFF.
THANKS FOR THE TIP.
TAKE YOUR MODEL
AND GET BACK TO WORK!
TAKE YOUR MODEL
AND GET BACK TO WORK!
LET US EXAMINE TODAY'S DINNER.
LET'S SEE.
HERE WE HAVE THE TUBE,
THE FINS, THE HEAD
IN THE MIDDLE--
KIND OF ODD,
BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
THERE ARE THE TWO EYES, AND OF
COURSE, THE TENTACLES HERE.
NOW OUR FIRST CUT IS
GOING TO BE TO SEPARATE
THE TENTACLES FROM THE HEAD.
JUST KIND OF FEEL AROUND.
THERE'LL JUST BE A LITTLE
LUMP WHERE THE BEAK IS.
AND CUT.
NOW IF YOU JUST
SQUEEZE THE TENTACLE,
OUT WILL POP--THERE--
THE BEAK.
NOW, BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THIS IS THE ONLY PART
OF THE SQUID THAT IS NOT
DIGESTIBLE, AND IN FACT,
THE FIRST EVIDENCE THAT
SCIENTISTS HAD OF GIANT SQUIDS
WERE FINDING BEAKS
THE SIZE OF HUMAN HEADS
INSIDE THE STOMACHS
OF SPERM WHALES.
THAT'S REALLY COOL.
OKAY, NEXT.
JUST MOVE YOUR FINGERS
UP INTO THE TUBE,
GET HOLD OF THE HEAD
AND GENTLY PULL.
JUST PULL STRAIGHT OUT.
THERE.
NOW THERE IS ONE MORE
PART TO REMOVE.
REACH IN, AND YOU'LL
FEEL SOMETHING
THAT'S KIND OF PLASTICKY.
PULL THAT OUT, AND THERE
YOU HAVE THE QUILL.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THAT IS THE CLOSEST THING
THAT A SQUID HAS TO A BONE.
KINDA REMINDS ME
OF SHEET GELATIN,
ONLY I DON'T THINK YOU COULD
MAKE DESSERT OUT OF IT.
NOW USUALLY THE SKIN
IS REMOVED,
AND FOR THAT I JUST KIND OF
GET A LITTLE INCISION GOING.
THEN YOU CAN JUST
PULL IT OFF QUITE EASILY.
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.
NOW SOME PEOPLE LIKE
TO PULL OFF THE FINS.
I USUALLY LEAVE THEM ON,
BUT IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
POPE HAT! POPE HAT!
ANYWAY.
TO TURN THIS INTO CALAMARI,
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS CUT THIS INTO NARROW
RINGS WITH EITHER SCISSORS
OR A SHARP KNIFE.
OF COURSE, FOR CALAMARI,
WE'LL NEED A COOKING MEDIUM.
A CRUCIAL KEY TO CALAMARI
COOKIN' IS HEAT CONTROL.
IT ALL BEGINS
WITH A HEAVY DUTCH OVEN
IN THE 4- TO 5-QUART RANGE.
WHY A DUTCH OVEN?
BECAUSE IT'S CAST IRON,
AND IT WILL HOLD HEAT.
WE'RE GOING TO PUT
THAT OVER MEDIUM HEAT
AND THEN ADD...
WHICH I LIKE
FOR ITS HIGH SMOKE POINT
AND NEUTRAL FLAVOR.
WE'RE GONNA BRING THIS UP TO...
HOW WILL WE KNOW?
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA
USE ONE OF THESE.
JUST SLIDE THAT ON.
THERE.
BACK TO THE SQUID.
AS FOR FABRICATION,
WE WILL TAKE EACH
OF THE TENTACLE SECTIONS
AND SLICE THOSE IN HALF SO THEY
DO NOT OVERWHELM THE PALATE.
AS FOR THE TUBES,
KNOCK THOSE DOWN INTO 1/3-
TO 1/2-INCH SLICES THUSLY.
IF YOU WANNA KNOCK A LITTLE
FISHINESS OFF YOUR SQUID,
JUST GIVE IT A QUICK BATH
IN COLD WATER.
JUST MAKE SURE THAT
YOU DRY IT THOROUGHLY
BEFORE YOU ATTEMPT
TO COAT AND COOK.
AS FAR AS GETTING RID
OF THIS OLD WATER...
WELL, LET'S SEE.
OH, WELL.
BATTER AND BREADING STICKS
BETTER TO DRIED SQUID,
SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO
AHEAD AND USE THE SPINNER
THE WAY IT WAS INTENDED.
THERE WE GO. BONE-DRY
AND READY FOR BATTER.
MANY IS THE BATCH OF CALAMARI
THAT SUNK LIKE A ROCK
UNDER A DUMPLING-LIKE
LOAD OF BREADING.
WHETHER YOU PREFER
THE BATTER COATING
OR THE SIMPLE DREDGE,
THE GOAL IS THE SAME--
LIGHTNESS.
NOW FOR THOSE WHO WANT
JUST A WEE CRUNCH,
WE'LL TAKE THE DRY APPROACH.
WE HAVE THE DREDGE
CONTAINING...
NOT GRITS.
NOT CORNBREAD MIX, OKAY?
NOW JUST WHISK TOGETHER
AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
FOR THOSE WHO PREFER A LITTLE
MORE CALAMARI COVERAGE,
WE WILL ASSEMBLE
A BATTER THUSLY.
WE HAVE HERE...
WE'LL GET THAT ICE OUT.
INTO THAT GOES...
AND WHISK TO COMBINE.
DON'T WORRY. THERE ARE GONNA
BE A COUPLE LITTLE LUMPS.
NO BIG DEAL.
THEN WE'RE GOING WITH...
THERE. NOW THIS IS
ESSENTIALLY A TEMPURA BATTER,
ONLY WITHOUT THE RICE FLOUR.
NOW USING ICE WATER WILL
KEEP THE BATTER LIGHT,
BY DELAYING THE GELATINIZATION
OF STARCH IN THE FLOUR,
AND THAT WILL KEEP THE BATTER
FROM ABSORBING TOO MUCH OIL.
SINCE YOU WANT
THIS LIGHT AND THIN,
DO NOT MIX THE BATTER
UNTIL YOU ARE READY
TO DO YOUR COOKING.
THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF
THING YOU CAN MAKE AHEAD.
(imitating Dracula)
AND NOW WE FRY.
(normal voice)
WE WILL BEGIN
WITH THE DRY-DREDGE VERSION.
THE ONLY OTHER PIECE
OF EQUIPMENT WE MUST HAVE--
ONE OF THESE.
WE'LL BEGIN WITH A VERY
SMALL HANDFUL OF SQUID.
DON'T WANNA OVERLOAD THE PAN.
BIT OF DREDGE ACTION.
FISH THAT OUT WITH A SPIDER,
AND YOU WANNA GET AS MUCH OF
THE DREDGE OFF AS POSSIBLE
SO WE DON'T FOUL THE OIL.
HERE WE GO.
WE ARE AT 375, SO IN WE GO.
NOTICE I'M DOING THIS
BY HAND A PIECE AT A TIME,
NOT JUST DUMPING
IT IN THERE.
IF YOU JUST DUMP IT, IT WILL
TURN INTO A CRISPY GOLF BALL.
THERE.
NOW AS FAR AS TIME GOES,
WE'RE TALKING PROBABLY
45 SECONDS TO A MINUTE TOPS,
THAT IS, IF YOU ARE MONITORING
YOUR HEAT CORRECTLY.
WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR A DEEP
BROWN, JUST A LIGHT GOLDEN.
ANYTHING DARKER THAN THAT
WILL OVERWHELM THE FLAVOR
OF THE CALAMARI.
TIME TO EVACUATE.
WE SCOOP AND MOVE OVER TO OUR
CLEVER DRAINING DEVICE,
WHICH, OF COURSE, IS
NOTHING BUT A COOLING RACK
TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
ON A PIECE OF NEWSPAPER
ON A HALF SHEET PAN.
A LITTLE SEASONING WHILE
THE SQUID IS STILL HOT.
SOME SALT...
AND A LITTLE BLACK PEPPER.
NOW YOU MAY CONSUME THAT
WHILE YOU ARE LETTING YOUR OIL
COME BACK UP TO HEAT,
BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT
TO PUT IN THE NEXT BATCH
IF THE OIL IS NOT AT 375.
¶
¶
NOW I LIKE TO KEEP THE SQUID
AS DRY AS POSSIBLE,
SO I SET THAT
ON A TOWEL INSIDE A BOWL
BEFORE EVACUATING THE SQUID
IN SMALL BATCHES TO THE BATTER.
JUST KIND OF PUNCH IT DOWN
WITH MY SPIDER THERE.
AND INTO THE OIL.
AGAIN, ONE PIECE AT A TIME,
OR YOU'LL END UP WITH A BIG
OLD GOLF BALL OF SQUID.
NOT THAT
THAT WOULD BE A BAD THING.
ONE MINUTE LATER, THE SQUID
IS READY TO COME OUT.
YOU'LL NEED EITHER A SECOND
SPIDER OR SLOTTED SPOON
TO GET THAT OUT.
REMEMBER, THE OTHER ONE'S
GOT BATTER ALL OVER IT.
A LITTLE SALT AND PEPPER,
AND YOU'RE READY TO SERVE.
MMM. MIGHTY TASTY
"BAIT" YOU MADE,
THERE, MR. BROWN.
WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU LIKE IT.
CAN I COME OUT NOW?
NOPE. KEEP COOKIN'.
"KEEP COOKIN'."
AYE-AYE, CAP'N...
(muttering)
QUEEG.
MAN MADE OFF
WITH MY APPETIZER!
HEY--HOW 'BOUT
A NICE SQUID SALAD?
NOW LET'S SEE.
IF ONLY WE HAD
ABOUT A POUND AND A HALF
OF ASSORTED SQUID PARTS.
FEELS ABOUT RIGHT.
BUT THIS TIME INSTEAD OF
CUTTING THE TUBES INTO RINGS,
WE WILL SPLIT THEM
DOWN THE MIDDLE FIRST
AND THEN CUT CROSSWISE,
CREATING 1/2-INCH-
TO 1-INCH-LONG STRIPS.
TO COOK YOUR SQUID,
BRING A HALF OF AN INCH
OF WATER TO A BOIL,
JUST SPREAD THE SQUID OUT ON
A COLLAPSIBLE STEAMER BASKET--
LIKE THAT.
SET IT INSIDE,
DROP THE HEAT TO LOW,
JUST TO MAINTAIN A SIMMER.
COVER AND COOK UNTIL
THE SQUID IS DONE BUT TENDER.
WE'RE TALKING ANYWHERE
FROM TWO TO FOUR MINUTES.
NOT MORE THAN FOUR, OKAY?
OUR TIME IS UP,
AND OUR SQUID ARE...
PERFECT.
BUT THEY WILL NOT STAY
LIKE THAT FOR LONG.
EVEN IF YOU REMOVE THEM
FROM THIS HEAT,
THEY WILL CONTINUE TO COOK,
POTENTIALLY TO A RUBBER-LIKE
STATE.
SO WE WILL EVACUATE THESE
TO A NICE, ICY BATH.
DEPOSIT INTO YOUR FAVORITE
LARGE MIXING BOWL...
THINK THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.
LET'S JUST DUMP IN
THE SQUID,
AND USE THE OLD SHAKE METHOD
FOLLOWED BY
THE OLD MANUAL THING.
THERE.
NOW COVER THIS AND REFRIGERATE
FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR
BEFORE SERVING.
MMM. THAT'S GOOD
EATIN'. SURE YOU
DON'T WANT SOME, DOC?
NO, THANKS. I STUDY
'EM, I DON'T EAT 'EM.
(loud crash)
WHAT WAS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT
I INTEND TO FIND OUT!
HEY, CAP'N, STEADY AS
SHE GOES, IF YOU PLEASE!
SOME OF US ARE TRYING
TO COOK DOWN HERE!
HEY, REMEMBER HOW I SAID THAT
SQUID SHOULD BE COOKED QUICKLY,
LEST IT ATTAINS KIND OF
AN INNER TUBE-LIKE TEXTURE?
WELL, THERE'S ACTUALLY
MORE TO THE STORY.
IF THEY'RE COOKED
LONG ENOUGH,
THOSE TOUGH FIBERS WILL
EVENTUALLY BREAK DOWN,
AND TENDERNESS WILL RETURN.
NOW OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S
NOT GONNA DO US ANY GOOD
IN A DEEP FRYER,
BUT IN A RELATIVELY COOL,
MOIST ENVIRONMENT,
SUCH AS A BRAISE,
IT CAN BE VERY
POWERFUL MAGIC INDEED.
AND SINCE WE'RE GONNA TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF ONE OF THE, UH,
PECULIAR PARTICULARITIES
OF SQUID,
WHY NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF ANOTHER ONE
AND DO A LITTLE BIT
OF STUFFING.
(Captain screams)
AND AS FAR AS STUFFING GOES,
WHY NOT USE, UM...
SOME SHRIMP, AND UH,
WHAT THE HECK?
MORE SQUID.
COME ON.
SO WE HAVE OUR TEN SETS
OF SQUID TENTACLES.
WOULD THAT BE A CLUTCH
OR A PRIDE OF TENTACLES?
AW, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IT GOES INTO THE FOOD
PROCESSOR ALONG WITH...
NOW WE'RE JUST GONNA PROCESS
THIS JUST FOR A FEW SECONDS.
WE'RE NOT LOOKING TO CREATE
A SMOOTH MOUSSE HERE,
MORE LIKE KIND OF
A LUMPY PASTE.
HERE.
HAVE A LOOK.
YEP. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
LOOKIN' FOR RIGHT THERE.
THIS WILL GO
INTO THE REFRIGERATOR.
MEANWHILE, PLACE A SAUTé PAN
OVER MEDIUM HEAT AND ADD...
YOU WANNA FOLLOW THAT WITH...
THEN ABOUT A MINUTE LATER...
AND LET THAT COOK
ONE TO TWO MINUTES,
BUT DON'T LET IT BROWN.
NOW WHERE HAS
THAT BEASTIE
GONE AND GOTTEN TO?
(slithering)
(howling)
(screaming)
¶
TURN YOUR FRESHLY
SWEATED AROMATICS OUT
INTO YOUR MIXING BOWL,
AND ADD...
NOW THIS IS FOR TEXTURE,
AND THE BREADCRUMBS
WILL ALSO KIND OF SOAK UP
ALL THE FLAVORFUL LIQUIDS
THAT WILL BE GENERATED
DURING THE COOKING PROCESS.
TO THAT, WE ADD...
ON TOP OF THAT...
NOW WE'LL GIVE THAT
A LITTLE TOSS.
THERE. NOW TIME FOR THE PASTE.
WE'LL JUST DUMP THAT RIGHT OUT.
THERE. NOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO KIND OF MASH THAT AROUND
TO GET IT TO COMBINE PROPERLY.
OOH! ALMOST FORGOT
THE PEPPER.
QUARTER OF A TEASPOON--
BLACK PEPPER.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE GONNA
NEED A LITTLE BIT OF HELP
GETTING THIS THICK GOO
INTO THOSE TINY, LITTLE
HOLES ON THE SQUID TUBES.
NOW WE COULD USE
A FANCY-SHMANCY PASTRY BAG,
OR PIPING BAG,
BUT I DON'T SEE
ANY REASON TO DO THAT
WHEN WE HAVE PLASTIC
ZIP-TOP BAGS LAYING AROUND.
I LIKE TO USE
FREEZER BAGS FOR THIS
BECAUSE THEY TEND TO BE A LITTLE
MORE ON THE STURDY SIDE.
SO JUST GRAB A KNIFE
AND CUT OFF ONE CORNER.
THEN OPEN UP THE BAG
AND FILL.
THERE YOU GO.
SQUEEZE OUT AS MUCH
OF THE AIR AS POSSIBLE
AND...
WE ARE READY TO PIPE.
NOW WE NEED OUR TUBES.
(howling)
WHALE SONG? HUH.
ANYWAY, WHEN LOOKING
FOR A SQUID TO STUFF,
YOU DON'T WANNA GET
THE TUBES TOO LARGE.
THEY HAVE A TENDENCY TO SPLIT
OPEN DURING COOKING IF YOU DO.
SO GO WITH 3 TO 5 INCHES LONG.
AND I'VE GOT--
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR--
TEN OF THEM HERE,
AND THAT IS PERFECT
FOR ONE BATCH.
THERE ARE A LOT OF RECIPES
OUT THERE FOR STUFFED SQUID
THAT CALL FOR ALL KINDS
OF ELABORATE DEVICES
TO KEEP THE LITTLE
BOOGERS CLOSED
DURING THE COOKING PROCESS.
TOOTHPICKS, SKEWERS, LITTLE
PIECES OF STRING, YOU NAME IT.
NONE OF THESE ARE NECESSARY,
BECAUSE THE SQUID ITSELF
WANTS TO HELP US.
YOU SEE, WHEN THE MEAT
COOKS, IT TENDS TO CURL,
BUT IT JUST
USUALLY CURLS OUTWARD.
BY TAKING SOMETHING LIKE
THE END OF A CHOPSTICK OR SPOON
AND TURNING THE TUBE
INSIDE OUT,
WE CAN BASICALLY MAKE IT
A SELF-SEALING CONTAINER.
NOW, AS FOR THE PIPING,
JUST LAY THE TUBE ACROSS
YOUR HAND LIKE THIS,
POKE OPEN THE HOLE,
INSERT NOZZLE AND SQUEEZE.
BUT DON'T SQUEEZE TOO MUCH.
YOU'RE GONNA BE TEMPTED
TO FILL THIS THING TO THE BRIM.
IF YOU DO, THE STUFFING'S
GOING TO EXPAND WHEN IT COOKS
AND RIP OPEN
THE SIDE OF THE SQUID.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
SO ABOUT HALF FULL,
PINCH IT OFF THUSLY.
LAY IT OVER SO THE SEAM
IS ON THE BOTTOM
AND REPEAT UNTIL YOU ARE DONE.
¶
MR. BROWN! MR. BROWN!
HAVE YOU SEEN
THE CAPTAIN?
I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE,
BECAUSE I NEVER GET
TO LEAVE THE GALLEY.
(screams)
MAN, HAS THAT WOMAN
GOT A TEMPER OR WHAT?
ONCE YOU'VE GOT
YOUR STUFFED TUBES
LAID OUT IN THE BAKING PAN,
TIME FOR A LITTLE SAUCE.
THERE ARE A LOT OF OPTIONS,
BUT I WOULD SAY THAT TOMATO
SAUCE WOULD BE THE BEST.
HOMEMADE, OF COURSE, SUPERIOR,
BUT AROUND HERE,
THE CANNED WILL HAVE TO DO.
2 CUPS, PLEASE.
THAT SHOULD BE JUST ENOUGH
TO FILL THIS PAN,
AND YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL
TO EVENLY COAT
EACH ONE OF YOUR
LITTLE SQUIDDIES.
NOW COVER WITH ALUMINUM FOIL
AND PREPARE TO BAKE...
AT...
FOR 30 MINUTES.
MIDDLE OF THE OVEN
WILL BE JUST FINE.
DINNER'S READY!
COME AND GET IT!
WHERE IS EVERYBODY
ON THIS BOAT?
YOU KNOW, I REALIZE THAT SQUID
OFTEN PLAY STARRING ROLES
IN OUR DEEPEST, DARKEST,
MOST SLITHERY NIGHTMARES,
BUT HERE IN THIS GALLEY,
SQUID IS A MIGHTY GOOD
FRIEND OF MINE.
AFTER ALL, IT'S FLAVORFUL,
IT'S VERSATILE, IT'S HEALTHY,
AND SCIENTISTS SAY THAT
THE OCEAN IS JAM-PACKED FULL
OF THE LITTLE CRITTERS,
SO FEEL FREE TO CONSUME
WITH GUILTLESS GUSTO.
I'M ALTON BROWN, AND I'M...
¶
AND I'M...
"GOOD EATS?"
GET OUTTA MY FOOD,
YA FREAK! CUT!
ME ABOARD, CAP'N.
WHATEVER.
YOUR CHECK CLEARED.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
OH, GOOD,
GOOD, GOOD.
SO THIS IS A REAL,
LIVE SQUID SHIP.
AYE, BUT THIS AIN'T
NO PLEASURE CRUISE,
MR. BROWN.
WHY ARE YOU SO
EAGER TO SHIP OUT
ON A HARD-WORKIN'
RESEARCH VESSEL?
WELL, CAP'N,
THE TRUTH IS,
I FEEL LIKE I OWE
A DEBT TO SQUID.
SEE, I WORK ON THIS
COOKING SHOW,
AND A LONG, LONG
TIME AGO,
WE DID AN EPISODE
ABOUT SQUID.
I'VE HEARD OF PEOPLE
EATIN' SQUID.
WHERE I'M FROM,
THEY CALL THAT "BAIT."
WELL, EVERYTHING'S
BAIT TO SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, I GOT SO CAUGHT
UP IN DOING THESE
CUTESY LITTLE SKITS
THAT I HARDLY DID
ANY COOKING.
I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE
THE WORLD'S MOST POPULAR
RESTAURANT APPETIZER.
AH, SPICY WINGS.
I LOVE 'EM!
(mouthing words)
YEAH, ME, TOO.
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT
CALAMARI! CALAMARI.
ISN'T THAT A HINDU GOD?
NO, I DON'T--
ACTUALLY, NOW THAT
YOU MENTION IT,
I THINK IT MIGHT BE.
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
WHAT IS IS THAT SQUID
IS PROBABLY THE MOST
CULINARILY VERSATILE
CRITTER
ON THE ENTIRE PLANET,
AND I MEAN
TO DO IT JUSTICE.
WHATEVER.
BE DARK SOON.
BEST GET TO YOUR
QUARTERS, MR. BROWN,
AND START
COOKIN' UP SOME...
(suspenseful music)
¶
Captioning provided by
Scripps Networks, Inc.
Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
OH... WOW.
SPACIOUS.
YOU KNOW, SQUID HAVE
ALWAYS BEEN BIG FAVORITES
IN THE INTERNATIONAL MARKET,
BUT UNTIL RECENTLYDWOULI
BET THAT MOST AMERICANS
WOULD SIDE WITH OUR CAPTAIN.
MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
OH, WELL.
LUCKILY, BACK IN THE '90s,
CALAMARI CRASHED OUR SHORE,
CONVERTING MANY A SQUID-PHOBIC
INTO SQUID FANS.
HAVE TO WONDER--
WHAT'S THE BEST TIME OF DAY
TO CATCH A CALAMARI, ANYWAY?
WELL, NIGHTTIME,
OF COURSE.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WHEN THE MOON
IS FULL, SOME SPECIES
CONGREGATE AT
THE SURFACE AT NIGHT,
AND THAT MAKES
'EM EASY PREY
FOR FISHERMEN.
OH.
YOU MUST BE
A NEW COOK.
MR. BROWN, IS IT?
OH, YEAH. ABSOLUTELY.
AND YOU MUST BE...
THE SQUID DOCTOR.
SO TELL ME SOMETHING.
WILL AN ARTIFICIAL
MOON WORK?
IN A SENSE.
THE 19th-CENTURY
CHINESE IMMIGRANTS
USED TO USE THE PAPER
LANTERNS WHEN THEY
WERE FISHIN' FOR SQUID
IN MONTEREY BAY.
YOU DON'T SAY!
YEAH. NOWADAYS WE DON'T
USE PAPER LANTERNS.
WE USE BIG BANKS
OF MASSIVE LIGHTS.
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
FASCINATING.
SQUID ARE PRETTY
COOL CREATURES.
WELL, IT'S GOOD
TO HAVE YOU ABOARD.
OH, THANKS!
SEE YOU LATER.
GET TO WORK.
I'LL GET TO WORK.
LANTERNS.
COME ON. COME ON,
SQUIDY-SQUIDY-SQUIDY.
THAT'S IT. COME TO THE LIGHT.
JUMP INTO THE PRETTY NET.
COME ON--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CATCHING DINNER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WATCHING YOU MESS UP
MY RESEARCH.
SHE SEEMS KIND OF
UPTIGHT, DOESN'T SHE?
I'LL NOT HAVE YOU
ANTAGONIZING MY
CLIENT, MR. BROWN.
AND I'LL THANK YOU
TO STAY IN THE GALLEY
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
FINE!
SO I'M LOCKED UP IN ANOTHER
KITCHEN FOR ANOTHER SHOW.
(sighs)
WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL
FIND OUT WHAT THEY GOT
TO EAT AROUND HERE.
(laughs)
LET'S SEE.
WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS?
THE CABINET OF DR. CALAMARI.
BEHOLD...
AKA "PACIFIC MARKET SQUID."
THIS IS THE SQUID
YOU WILL MOST OFTEN GET
WHEN YOU GET SQUID
IN WESTERN STATES.
NOW, UH--OOH!
E RE WHEHAVE THE COMMON
EASTERN VARIETIES...
WHICH PRETTY MUCH
TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME,
ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN TOLD
THAT THE SHORT-FINNED
ARE CONSIDERED BY SOME
TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE
ON THE CHEWY SIDE.
NOW I LIKE TO BUY SQUID
WHOLE WHENEVER I CAN,
BUT ONLY WHEN I KNOW
THAT I'M GOING
TO COOK THEM WITHIN HOURS.
EVEN ON ICE
OR IN A COLD REFRIGERATOR,
HIGH-PROTEIN SQUID
WILL DECOMPOSE QUICKER
THAN MOZART
WITH AN ELECTRIC ERASER.
THAT IS WHY CLEANED,
CUT, FROZEN SQUID
ARE THE STANDARD
OF THE RESTAURANT INDUSTRY
HERE IN THE UNITED STATES.
AND THAT'S OKAY BY ME,
BECAUSE SQUID FREEZES
AND IN SOME CASES,
EVEN REFREEZES FABULOUSLY.
BUT IF YOU ARE COMMITTED
TO WORKING WITH FRESH,
YOU'RE GONNA WANNA BUY
THE FRESHEST YOU CAN GET.
SO USE YOUR NOSE.
ODDS ARE IF THEY SMELL STINKY
WITH ANY TRACES OF AMMONIA,
YOU WILL WANT TO PASS.
I'M TOLD THAT COLOR CAN ALSO
BE AN INDICATOR OF FRESHNESS.
YOU WANT THE SKIN TO BE
SLIMY, NOT DRY,
AND THE COLOR SHOULD BE DARK
AND MOTTLED, NEVER PINK.
YOU KNOW, I'VE HEARD
THAT THESE LITTLE GUYS
CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE COLOR
IN THEIR LIVES.
HOW?
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
CHROMATOPHORES.
CHROMATOPHORES?
YEAH.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DID YOU MAKE THIS
YOURSELF?
YEAH. WHAT DO
YOU THINK?
I THINK IT'S SWEET.
IT'S SUPER SWEET.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A MODEL
OF SQUID SKIN.
OH!
WHAT ARE THE BALLOONS?
THE BALLOONS REPRESENT
CHROMATOPHORES.
THEY'RE COLOR-
CONTAINING CELLS,
AND WHEN THEY EXPAND,
THE COLOR DISPERSES
OVER A WIDER AREA.
OH.
GO AHEAD. TRY IT.
LIKE THAT.
SO NOW WE'VE GOT
AN ORANGE SQUID.
YEAH, BUT TRY THE BLUE.
OKAY.
HE'S BEEN LISTENING TO
MILES DAVIS. I GOT IT.
SO THAT WOULD
COMBINE TO MAKE
A WHOLE NEW COLOR.
SWEET.
SO WHY WOULD A SQUID
WANNA DO THIS?
IT HAS A WHOLE
VARIETY OF USES.
THEY CAN USE 'EM
IN CAMOUFLAGE,
BUT THEY CAN ALSO USE
THEM IN FINDING A MATE.
YEAH? SQUID BLING.
THAT'S COOL.
UM, WHAT COLOR WOULD
A SQUID CHICK DIG?
FLASHING COLORS.
FLASHING.
RED OR BLUE?
REDDISH.
REDDISH. COOL.
WELL, DOES THE COLOR
AFFECT THE FLAVOR?
NO, THE SKIN ITSELF
DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE
ANY TASTE TO IT,
BUT IT CAN BE
KINDA CHEWY.
WHICH IS WHY
WE TAKE IT OFF.
THANKS FOR THE TIP.
TAKE YOUR MODEL
AND GET BACK TO WORK!
TAKE YOUR MODEL
AND GET BACK TO WORK!
LET US EXAMINE TODAY'S DINNER.
LET'S SEE.
HERE WE HAVE THE TUBE,
THE FINS, THE HEAD
IN THE MIDDLE--
KIND OF ODD,
BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
THERE ARE THE TWO EYES, AND OF
COURSE, THE TENTACLES HERE.
NOW OUR FIRST CUT IS
GOING TO BE TO SEPARATE
THE TENTACLES FROM THE HEAD.
JUST KIND OF FEEL AROUND.
THERE'LL JUST BE A LITTLE
LUMP WHERE THE BEAK IS.
AND CUT.
NOW IF YOU JUST
SQUEEZE THE TENTACLE,
OUT WILL POP--THERE--
THE BEAK.
NOW, BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THIS IS THE ONLY PART
OF THE SQUID THAT IS NOT
DIGESTIBLE, AND IN FACT,
THE FIRST EVIDENCE THAT
SCIENTISTS HAD OF GIANT SQUIDS
WERE FINDING BEAKS
THE SIZE OF HUMAN HEADS
INSIDE THE STOMACHS
OF SPERM WHALES.
THAT'S REALLY COOL.
OKAY, NEXT.
JUST MOVE YOUR FINGERS
UP INTO THE TUBE,
GET HOLD OF THE HEAD
AND GENTLY PULL.
JUST PULL STRAIGHT OUT.
THERE.
NOW THERE IS ONE MORE
PART TO REMOVE.
REACH IN, AND YOU'LL
FEEL SOMETHING
THAT'S KIND OF PLASTICKY.
PULL THAT OUT, AND THERE
YOU HAVE THE QUILL.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THAT IS THE CLOSEST THING
THAT A SQUID HAS TO A BONE.
KINDA REMINDS ME
OF SHEET GELATIN,
ONLY I DON'T THINK YOU COULD
MAKE DESSERT OUT OF IT.
NOW USUALLY THE SKIN
IS REMOVED,
AND FOR THAT I JUST KIND OF
GET A LITTLE INCISION GOING.
THEN YOU CAN JUST
PULL IT OFF QUITE EASILY.
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.
NOW SOME PEOPLE LIKE
TO PULL OFF THE FINS.
I USUALLY LEAVE THEM ON,
BUT IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
POPE HAT! POPE HAT!
ANYWAY.
TO TURN THIS INTO CALAMARI,
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS CUT THIS INTO NARROW
RINGS WITH EITHER SCISSORS
OR A SHARP KNIFE.
OF COURSE, FOR CALAMARI,
WE'LL NEED A COOKING MEDIUM.
A CRUCIAL KEY TO CALAMARI
COOKIN' IS HEAT CONTROL.
IT ALL BEGINS
WITH A HEAVY DUTCH OVEN
IN THE 4- TO 5-QUART RANGE.
WHY A DUTCH OVEN?
BECAUSE IT'S CAST IRON,
AND IT WILL HOLD HEAT.
WE'RE GOING TO PUT
THAT OVER MEDIUM HEAT
AND THEN ADD...
WHICH I LIKE
FOR ITS HIGH SMOKE POINT
AND NEUTRAL FLAVOR.
WE'RE GONNA BRING THIS UP TO...
HOW WILL WE KNOW?
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA
USE ONE OF THESE.
JUST SLIDE THAT ON.
THERE.
BACK TO THE SQUID.
AS FOR FABRICATION,
WE WILL TAKE EACH
OF THE TENTACLE SECTIONS
AND SLICE THOSE IN HALF SO THEY
DO NOT OVERWHELM THE PALATE.
AS FOR THE TUBES,
KNOCK THOSE DOWN INTO 1/3-
TO 1/2-INCH SLICES THUSLY.
IF YOU WANNA KNOCK A LITTLE
FISHINESS OFF YOUR SQUID,
JUST GIVE IT A QUICK BATH
IN COLD WATER.
JUST MAKE SURE THAT
YOU DRY IT THOROUGHLY
BEFORE YOU ATTEMPT
TO COAT AND COOK.
AS FAR AS GETTING RID
OF THIS OLD WATER...
WELL, LET'S SEE.
OH, WELL.
BATTER AND BREADING STICKS
BETTER TO DRIED SQUID,
SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO
AHEAD AND USE THE SPINNER
THE WAY IT WAS INTENDED.
THERE WE GO. BONE-DRY
AND READY FOR BATTER.
MANY IS THE BATCH OF CALAMARI
THAT SUNK LIKE A ROCK
UNDER A DUMPLING-LIKE
LOAD OF BREADING.
WHETHER YOU PREFER
THE BATTER COATING
OR THE SIMPLE DREDGE,
THE GOAL IS THE SAME--
LIGHTNESS.
NOW FOR THOSE WHO WANT
JUST A WEE CRUNCH,
WE'LL TAKE THE DRY APPROACH.
WE HAVE THE DREDGE
CONTAINING...
NOT GRITS.
NOT CORNBREAD MIX, OKAY?
NOW JUST WHISK TOGETHER
AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
FOR THOSE WHO PREFER A LITTLE
MORE CALAMARI COVERAGE,
WE WILL ASSEMBLE
A BATTER THUSLY.
WE HAVE HERE...
WE'LL GET THAT ICE OUT.
INTO THAT GOES...
AND WHISK TO COMBINE.
DON'T WORRY. THERE ARE GONNA
BE A COUPLE LITTLE LUMPS.
NO BIG DEAL.
THEN WE'RE GOING WITH...
THERE. NOW THIS IS
ESSENTIALLY A TEMPURA BATTER,
ONLY WITHOUT THE RICE FLOUR.
NOW USING ICE WATER WILL
KEEP THE BATTER LIGHT,
BY DELAYING THE GELATINIZATION
OF STARCH IN THE FLOUR,
AND THAT WILL KEEP THE BATTER
FROM ABSORBING TOO MUCH OIL.
SINCE YOU WANT
THIS LIGHT AND THIN,
DO NOT MIX THE BATTER
UNTIL YOU ARE READY
TO DO YOUR COOKING.
THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF
THING YOU CAN MAKE AHEAD.
(imitating Dracula)
AND NOW WE FRY.
(normal voice)
WE WILL BEGIN
WITH THE DRY-DREDGE VERSION.
THE ONLY OTHER PIECE
OF EQUIPMENT WE MUST HAVE--
ONE OF THESE.
WE'LL BEGIN WITH A VERY
SMALL HANDFUL OF SQUID.
DON'T WANNA OVERLOAD THE PAN.
BIT OF DREDGE ACTION.
FISH THAT OUT WITH A SPIDER,
AND YOU WANNA GET AS MUCH OF
THE DREDGE OFF AS POSSIBLE
SO WE DON'T FOUL THE OIL.
HERE WE GO.
WE ARE AT 375, SO IN WE GO.
NOTICE I'M DOING THIS
BY HAND A PIECE AT A TIME,
NOT JUST DUMPING
IT IN THERE.
IF YOU JUST DUMP IT, IT WILL
TURN INTO A CRISPY GOLF BALL.
THERE.
NOW AS FAR AS TIME GOES,
WE'RE TALKING PROBABLY
45 SECONDS TO A MINUTE TOPS,
THAT IS, IF YOU ARE MONITORING
YOUR HEAT CORRECTLY.
WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR A DEEP
BROWN, JUST A LIGHT GOLDEN.
ANYTHING DARKER THAN THAT
WILL OVERWHELM THE FLAVOR
OF THE CALAMARI.
TIME TO EVACUATE.
WE SCOOP AND MOVE OVER TO OUR
CLEVER DRAINING DEVICE,
WHICH, OF COURSE, IS
NOTHING BUT A COOLING RACK
TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
ON A PIECE OF NEWSPAPER
ON A HALF SHEET PAN.
A LITTLE SEASONING WHILE
THE SQUID IS STILL HOT.
SOME SALT...
AND A LITTLE BLACK PEPPER.
NOW YOU MAY CONSUME THAT
WHILE YOU ARE LETTING YOUR OIL
COME BACK UP TO HEAT,
BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT
TO PUT IN THE NEXT BATCH
IF THE OIL IS NOT AT 375.
¶
¶
NOW I LIKE TO KEEP THE SQUID
AS DRY AS POSSIBLE,
SO I SET THAT
ON A TOWEL INSIDE A BOWL
BEFORE EVACUATING THE SQUID
IN SMALL BATCHES TO THE BATTER.
JUST KIND OF PUNCH IT DOWN
WITH MY SPIDER THERE.
AND INTO THE OIL.
AGAIN, ONE PIECE AT A TIME,
OR YOU'LL END UP WITH A BIG
OLD GOLF BALL OF SQUID.
NOT THAT
THAT WOULD BE A BAD THING.
ONE MINUTE LATER, THE SQUID
IS READY TO COME OUT.
YOU'LL NEED EITHER A SECOND
SPIDER OR SLOTTED SPOON
TO GET THAT OUT.
REMEMBER, THE OTHER ONE'S
GOT BATTER ALL OVER IT.
A LITTLE SALT AND PEPPER,
AND YOU'RE READY TO SERVE.
MMM. MIGHTY TASTY
"BAIT" YOU MADE,
THERE, MR. BROWN.
WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU LIKE IT.
CAN I COME OUT NOW?
NOPE. KEEP COOKIN'.
"KEEP COOKIN'."
AYE-AYE, CAP'N...
(muttering)
QUEEG.
MAN MADE OFF
WITH MY APPETIZER!
HEY--HOW 'BOUT
A NICE SQUID SALAD?
NOW LET'S SEE.
IF ONLY WE HAD
ABOUT A POUND AND A HALF
OF ASSORTED SQUID PARTS.
FEELS ABOUT RIGHT.
BUT THIS TIME INSTEAD OF
CUTTING THE TUBES INTO RINGS,
WE WILL SPLIT THEM
DOWN THE MIDDLE FIRST
AND THEN CUT CROSSWISE,
CREATING 1/2-INCH-
TO 1-INCH-LONG STRIPS.
TO COOK YOUR SQUID,
BRING A HALF OF AN INCH
OF WATER TO A BOIL,
JUST SPREAD THE SQUID OUT ON
A COLLAPSIBLE STEAMER BASKET--
LIKE THAT.
SET IT INSIDE,
DROP THE HEAT TO LOW,
JUST TO MAINTAIN A SIMMER.
COVER AND COOK UNTIL
THE SQUID IS DONE BUT TENDER.
WE'RE TALKING ANYWHERE
FROM TWO TO FOUR MINUTES.
NOT MORE THAN FOUR, OKAY?
OUR TIME IS UP,
AND OUR SQUID ARE...
PERFECT.
BUT THEY WILL NOT STAY
LIKE THAT FOR LONG.
EVEN IF YOU REMOVE THEM
FROM THIS HEAT,
THEY WILL CONTINUE TO COOK,
POTENTIALLY TO A RUBBER-LIKE
STATE.
SO WE WILL EVACUATE THESE
TO A NICE, ICY BATH.
DEPOSIT INTO YOUR FAVORITE
LARGE MIXING BOWL...
THINK THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.
LET'S JUST DUMP IN
THE SQUID,
AND USE THE OLD SHAKE METHOD
FOLLOWED BY
THE OLD MANUAL THING.
THERE.
NOW COVER THIS AND REFRIGERATE
FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR
BEFORE SERVING.
MMM. THAT'S GOOD
EATIN'. SURE YOU
DON'T WANT SOME, DOC?
NO, THANKS. I STUDY
'EM, I DON'T EAT 'EM.
(loud crash)
WHAT WAS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT
I INTEND TO FIND OUT!
HEY, CAP'N, STEADY AS
SHE GOES, IF YOU PLEASE!
SOME OF US ARE TRYING
TO COOK DOWN HERE!
HEY, REMEMBER HOW I SAID THAT
SQUID SHOULD BE COOKED QUICKLY,
LEST IT ATTAINS KIND OF
AN INNER TUBE-LIKE TEXTURE?
WELL, THERE'S ACTUALLY
MORE TO THE STORY.
IF THEY'RE COOKED
LONG ENOUGH,
THOSE TOUGH FIBERS WILL
EVENTUALLY BREAK DOWN,
AND TENDERNESS WILL RETURN.
NOW OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S
NOT GONNA DO US ANY GOOD
IN A DEEP FRYER,
BUT IN A RELATIVELY COOL,
MOIST ENVIRONMENT,
SUCH AS A BRAISE,
IT CAN BE VERY
POWERFUL MAGIC INDEED.
AND SINCE WE'RE GONNA TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF ONE OF THE, UH,
PECULIAR PARTICULARITIES
OF SQUID,
WHY NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF ANOTHER ONE
AND DO A LITTLE BIT
OF STUFFING.
(Captain screams)
AND AS FAR AS STUFFING GOES,
WHY NOT USE, UM...
SOME SHRIMP, AND UH,
WHAT THE HECK?
MORE SQUID.
COME ON.
SO WE HAVE OUR TEN SETS
OF SQUID TENTACLES.
WOULD THAT BE A CLUTCH
OR A PRIDE OF TENTACLES?
AW, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IT GOES INTO THE FOOD
PROCESSOR ALONG WITH...
NOW WE'RE JUST GONNA PROCESS
THIS JUST FOR A FEW SECONDS.
WE'RE NOT LOOKING TO CREATE
A SMOOTH MOUSSE HERE,
MORE LIKE KIND OF
A LUMPY PASTE.
HERE.
HAVE A LOOK.
YEP. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
LOOKIN' FOR RIGHT THERE.
THIS WILL GO
INTO THE REFRIGERATOR.
MEANWHILE, PLACE A SAUTé PAN
OVER MEDIUM HEAT AND ADD...
YOU WANNA FOLLOW THAT WITH...
THEN ABOUT A MINUTE LATER...
AND LET THAT COOK
ONE TO TWO MINUTES,
BUT DON'T LET IT BROWN.
NOW WHERE HAS
THAT BEASTIE
GONE AND GOTTEN TO?
(slithering)
(howling)
(screaming)
¶
TURN YOUR FRESHLY
SWEATED AROMATICS OUT
INTO YOUR MIXING BOWL,
AND ADD...
NOW THIS IS FOR TEXTURE,
AND THE BREADCRUMBS
WILL ALSO KIND OF SOAK UP
ALL THE FLAVORFUL LIQUIDS
THAT WILL BE GENERATED
DURING THE COOKING PROCESS.
TO THAT, WE ADD...
ON TOP OF THAT...
NOW WE'LL GIVE THAT
A LITTLE TOSS.
THERE. NOW TIME FOR THE PASTE.
WE'LL JUST DUMP THAT RIGHT OUT.
THERE. NOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO KIND OF MASH THAT AROUND
TO GET IT TO COMBINE PROPERLY.
OOH! ALMOST FORGOT
THE PEPPER.
QUARTER OF A TEASPOON--
BLACK PEPPER.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE GONNA
NEED A LITTLE BIT OF HELP
GETTING THIS THICK GOO
INTO THOSE TINY, LITTLE
HOLES ON THE SQUID TUBES.
NOW WE COULD USE
A FANCY-SHMANCY PASTRY BAG,
OR PIPING BAG,
BUT I DON'T SEE
ANY REASON TO DO THAT
WHEN WE HAVE PLASTIC
ZIP-TOP BAGS LAYING AROUND.
I LIKE TO USE
FREEZER BAGS FOR THIS
BECAUSE THEY TEND TO BE A LITTLE
MORE ON THE STURDY SIDE.
SO JUST GRAB A KNIFE
AND CUT OFF ONE CORNER.
THEN OPEN UP THE BAG
AND FILL.
THERE YOU GO.
SQUEEZE OUT AS MUCH
OF THE AIR AS POSSIBLE
AND...
WE ARE READY TO PIPE.
NOW WE NEED OUR TUBES.
(howling)
WHALE SONG? HUH.
ANYWAY, WHEN LOOKING
FOR A SQUID TO STUFF,
YOU DON'T WANNA GET
THE TUBES TOO LARGE.
THEY HAVE A TENDENCY TO SPLIT
OPEN DURING COOKING IF YOU DO.
SO GO WITH 3 TO 5 INCHES LONG.
AND I'VE GOT--
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR--
TEN OF THEM HERE,
AND THAT IS PERFECT
FOR ONE BATCH.
THERE ARE A LOT OF RECIPES
OUT THERE FOR STUFFED SQUID
THAT CALL FOR ALL KINDS
OF ELABORATE DEVICES
TO KEEP THE LITTLE
BOOGERS CLOSED
DURING THE COOKING PROCESS.
TOOTHPICKS, SKEWERS, LITTLE
PIECES OF STRING, YOU NAME IT.
NONE OF THESE ARE NECESSARY,
BECAUSE THE SQUID ITSELF
WANTS TO HELP US.
YOU SEE, WHEN THE MEAT
COOKS, IT TENDS TO CURL,
BUT IT JUST
USUALLY CURLS OUTWARD.
BY TAKING SOMETHING LIKE
THE END OF A CHOPSTICK OR SPOON
AND TURNING THE TUBE
INSIDE OUT,
WE CAN BASICALLY MAKE IT
A SELF-SEALING CONTAINER.
NOW, AS FOR THE PIPING,
JUST LAY THE TUBE ACROSS
YOUR HAND LIKE THIS,
POKE OPEN THE HOLE,
INSERT NOZZLE AND SQUEEZE.
BUT DON'T SQUEEZE TOO MUCH.
YOU'RE GONNA BE TEMPTED
TO FILL THIS THING TO THE BRIM.
IF YOU DO, THE STUFFING'S
GOING TO EXPAND WHEN IT COOKS
AND RIP OPEN
THE SIDE OF THE SQUID.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
SO ABOUT HALF FULL,
PINCH IT OFF THUSLY.
LAY IT OVER SO THE SEAM
IS ON THE BOTTOM
AND REPEAT UNTIL YOU ARE DONE.
¶
MR. BROWN! MR. BROWN!
HAVE YOU SEEN
THE CAPTAIN?
I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE,
BECAUSE I NEVER GET
TO LEAVE THE GALLEY.
(screams)
MAN, HAS THAT WOMAN
GOT A TEMPER OR WHAT?
ONCE YOU'VE GOT
YOUR STUFFED TUBES
LAID OUT IN THE BAKING PAN,
TIME FOR A LITTLE SAUCE.
THERE ARE A LOT OF OPTIONS,
BUT I WOULD SAY THAT TOMATO
SAUCE WOULD BE THE BEST.
HOMEMADE, OF COURSE, SUPERIOR,
BUT AROUND HERE,
THE CANNED WILL HAVE TO DO.
2 CUPS, PLEASE.
THAT SHOULD BE JUST ENOUGH
TO FILL THIS PAN,
AND YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL
TO EVENLY COAT
EACH ONE OF YOUR
LITTLE SQUIDDIES.
NOW COVER WITH ALUMINUM FOIL
AND PREPARE TO BAKE...
AT...
FOR 30 MINUTES.
MIDDLE OF THE OVEN
WILL BE JUST FINE.
DINNER'S READY!
COME AND GET IT!
WHERE IS EVERYBODY
ON THIS BOAT?
YOU KNOW, I REALIZE THAT SQUID
OFTEN PLAY STARRING ROLES
IN OUR DEEPEST, DARKEST,
MOST SLITHERY NIGHTMARES,
BUT HERE IN THIS GALLEY,
SQUID IS A MIGHTY GOOD
FRIEND OF MINE.
AFTER ALL, IT'S FLAVORFUL,
IT'S VERSATILE, IT'S HEALTHY,
AND SCIENTISTS SAY THAT
THE OCEAN IS JAM-PACKED FULL
OF THE LITTLE CRITTERS,
SO FEEL FREE TO CONSUME
WITH GUILTLESS GUSTO.
I'M ALTON BROWN, AND I'M...
¶
AND I'M...
"GOOD EATS?"
GET OUTTA MY FOOD,
YA FREAK! CUT!