Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 5, Episode 27 - Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow - full transcript

Gomer finds a white rabbit, gives it to a General's son and the Sergeant lets it loose thinking Gomer is keeping an unauthorized bunny. The rabbit must be found and the search is on but there are many white rabbits on base.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

All right, knock
it off, you clowns!

Hit the road, let's go, come on!

Hit the road.

Come on, come on,
move, move, move, move!

Just because you been
fighting a little brushfire

don't mean you got
the rest of the day off!

Come on, fall in!

All right, at ease!



Now, you people, listen up.

Since the fire loused up
our schedule for today,

first thing tomorrow morning,
we'll head for the rifle range.

Pyle...

why is a rabbit sticking
out of your shirt?

Oh, you mean this rabbit?

You got another one?

Well, no, sir.

Well, you see what happened was

is there he was sitting there

all trembling and
scared to death

about ten feet from the
fire when I come along.

So I thought...
Get rid if it, Pyle.

But, Sergeant, I
just... Get rid of it. Fast.



You got that?

Yes, sir.

Are you sure, Roger?

You sure your little
girl wouldn't like

a real live bunny for a pet?

They make awful nice pals.

I'm sorry, Gome. It
took me two months

into talking my wife into
letting her have an ant farm.

Why don't you
just turn it loose?

That's the easy way out.

I know, but, well, he's
such a cute little feller,

and he's so friendly,

it's almost like he
knows owes his life...

Excuse me a minute,
Roger, excuse me.

Hey, little boy.

Can I ask you something?

Hey, a real rabbit.

Well, that's what I
wanted to ask you about.

Can I hold him?

Well, yeah, you sure can.

What's his name?

Well, I'd say
that's left up to you.

Would you like him?

You mean you want
to give him away?

Uh-huh. Seeing as I
got to get rid of him,

and you two seem to
be getting on just fine,

would you like him?

I sure would.

Only I better ask first.

Can I?

It'll just take a minute,
and I know it'll be okay.

Well, sure, I'll wait
right here for you.

Isn't he great, Uncle Ed?

Uh, yes, yes, he is, Danny.

He's a present, you say?

Uh-huh, from a marine
who can't keep him.

I told him I had
to ask you first.

But, Danny, you're only
visiting for the weekend.

It hardly seems worth all
the trouble just for a few days.

But if you let me keep him, I
can take him home with me.

But don't you think
we should check

with your mom and dad?

Sure, Uncle Ed.

But they already
said I could have a pet

as soon as I decided
what I wanted.

Well, okay.

If you're sure they won't mind.

But you'll have to promise

to take care of him
when you get home.

I will, Uncle Ed. I promise.

All right, Danny.
Now, if you don't mind,

he's sitting on
classified information.

Okay, Uncle Ed.

Thank you.

Why don't you name him Pinky?

Pinky?

No, that's like we're
making fun of his eyes.

I know, I just
thought of a name.

Why don't we call him Harvey?

Harvey?

It's from a play that I saw
when I was in high school.

And it's all about this
big rabbit named Harvey

that was six feet tall.

Only he wasn't real,
except to this friend of his,

and to him, he was just as
real as could be, and smart.

Almost like he was human.

Harvey... Seeing you talk

to him so much
made me think of that.

Harvey.

That sounds nice.

And he is awful smart.

Hi, Harvey.

Look, he's twitching
his nose at me.

I think he likes it.

Why don't you put Harvey in here

and see how he
likes his new home?

There you go, Harvey.

There you are.

Isn't it neat, Harvey?

Your own house, thanks to Gomer.

Hi, Harvey.

I like that name.

Gomer, what happened
to Harvey in that play?

Oh, he and his friend went
off to this home together

just as happy as could be.

That's good.

Listen, I gotta
get back to duty.

You don't stay out
here too long now.

All right, Gomer.

See ya later, Gomer.

Hi, Harvey. Come here, boy.

Come on, fella.

Slater, over here.

This will be fine.

We'll hold the field
inspection right through here.

Right, Sarge.

What's that?

What's what? That.

Beats me.

Ain't that the rabbit Pyle had?

The one I told
him to get rid of?

Sure looks like it.

He built a little house for it.

How can you be sure it was Pyle?

Come on, look at this thing.

Only the Pied Piper of Camp
Henderson could've built it.

All right, come on, rabbit.

Come on, boy. There we go.

Scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot.

Wait'll I get a hold
of that knucklehead.

I'm going to tell him
once and for all... Hey!

What are you doing?!

You let Harvey go!

What are you talking
about? You let him go!

Harvey! Harvey!

Harvey! Harvey!

What was that all about?

Who's Harvey?

Who's that kid? I don't know.

You suppose it
was an officer's kid?

I hope not.

Harvey?

That's him. That's the sergeant.

Oh, Sergeant...

Sir?

That's the man who let him go.

All right, Danny,
I'll take care of this.

At ease, Sergeant.

Sergeant Carter,
it seems there was

a little mistake
made this morning,

according to my nephew here.

Nephew?

Oh, hi there, son.

In any case, he had a rabbit

and I understand
you let him run free.

Oh.

Was that your rabbit?

Yes, it was.

What happened, Sergeant?

Well, you see, sir,
what happened was that

I thought it belonged
to one of my men.

If you're talking
about Private Pyle,

he's the man who
gave it to Danny.

I didn't know that, sir.

I'm sure you didn't, Sergeant.

I just wish there were some way

to get the little fellow back.

With the colonel's
permission, sir, I'll sure try.

Don't you worry, son,

we'll get little Peter
Cottontail back.

His name is Harvey
and you'll never find him.

Never.

Don't say that.

I'm gonna try.

You hear that, Danny?

I have the fullest
confidence in the sergeant.

Especially now that he knows
how much it means to you.

Right, Sergeant?

Uh... right, sir.

Carry on.

Yes, sir.

I can understand how
you can be stupid enough

to give a rabbit to
the colonel's nephew,

but how could you
be stupid enough

not to tell me about it?

But, Sergeant, I didn't
know who he was.

And at the time, I
didn't even think to ask.

Of course not. You
never think, Pyle.

That takes something
you ain't got... a brain.

Well, golly, Sergeant,
I sure am sorry.

But I didn't know you
was gonna come along

and let the rabbit loose.

But I got rid of it
like you told me to,

'cause I knew
you'd be angry if...

Find the rabbit, Pyle.

Harvey? Harvey. Find him.

Sergeant, there must be
hundreds of little white rabbits

in the woods around here.

That's right, Pyle, and
one of them's Harvey.

But, Sergeant... Find him!

Shh!

What are you shushing
me for? I'm hungry.

We've been sitting out
here for almost two hours.

I'm sorry, Sergeant,
but it takes time.

Harvey's gotta get hungry.

Thanks for getting
me into this, Pyle.

I'm supposed to be getting
ready for an inspection,

and here I am sitting
out in the woods

with a string wrapped
around my finger

waiting for a rabbit
to work up an appetite.

Shh... Hmm?

Now.

You got him,
Sergeant! You got him!

I told you my trap would work.

Well, it figures, Pyle.

You wanna catch a rabbit,

you go out and find a
guy with a rabbit brain.

Hi, Harvey. Hi, Harvey.

There we go.

There you go.

We got him.

Golly, I just can't wait to
see the look on Danny's face.

And the colonel's face.

Don't forget the colonel's face.

Gomer!

Oh, hey, Danny. You got him!

You found Harvey.
Yep. Just like I promised.

Hi, boy.

What's the matter?

It's not him.

Huh? Well, sure it is, Danny.

The sergeant caught him in
the same place he let him go.

But it's not Harvey.
It's gotta be.

It's not. I can tell.

Uncle Ed! No, wait.

Shh. Listen.

Maybe it's Harvey's brother.

He's soft and white
and everything.

And look at him wiggle his nose.

That's how much he loves you.

But it's not Harvey.

Uncle Ed!

Kid, wait a minute.

A promise is a promise.

I'll find Harvey for you.

We'll just let this one go.

Excuse me, Sergeant,

but don't you think we
better keep him? Huh?

So's we don't waste our time
catching him all over again,

seeing as how he looks
so much like Harvey.

Oh, yeah, Pyle.

Good idea.

Look, Danny, give me
until noon tomorrow.

I'll find Harvey for you, okay?

Okay.

And don't go worrying Uncle Ed.

He's a colonel.

He's got lots of
things on his mind.

Come on, Pyle.

All right, you
people, listen up.

This morning we will
proceed to the survival course,

a phase of training which
proves that the marine in the field

is only as good as his
ability to survive off the land.

Now, as you all know,
the woods around here

are just teeming with little
white rabbits about so big.

Therefore, as a
test of your ability

to catch the protein
necessary for your survival

should supplies lines be cut,

you will split up
into pairs of two each

and proceed... Sergeant?

Excuse me, Sergeant.

What is it, Pyle?

Am I going too fast for you?

No, sir, I just wanted to be
sure everybody understood

that these rabbits is just for
capturing, and not for cooking.

Oh. Oh!

Uh... naturally, this
is just an exercise.

I will therefore
expect every man

to proceed in a humane
and careful manner

when returning with his
white rabbit to the starting point

where I will be waiting.

Now remember,

that's one white
rabbit for each team,

about so big with
the normal pink eyes.

Well?

Nope.

This isn't Harvey, either.

Ah, come on.

We still got one
more to go, Sergeant.

Here.

Don't tell me.

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

I know how hard
you and Gomer tried,

but maybe Uncle
Ed will have an idea.

No, no!

Don't bother Uncle Ed.

I told you, he's a busy man.

It's just like I was telling
Gomer this morning,

if at first you don't
succeed, try, try again.

Right, Gomer?

When was that, Sergeant?

Never mind, just get
them rabbits out of here.

Yes, sir, it's no use
crying over spoiled milk.

We got work to
do and that's that.

But, listen, Danny,

we'll do our part but
you gotta do yours.

What?

Stay away from Uncle Ed.

And the last on the order
of Monday's inspection

will be the barracks.

Gentlemen, you all
know the importance

of an IG inspection.

Therefore, I expect
you to act accordingly.

Are there any questions?

Good.

Then I can expect nothing
less than a top-notch effort.

Dismissed.

Oh, Sergeant Carter.

Sir? One moment.

Sir? At ease.

Danny told me what
happened this morning.

Too bad.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry
about that, sir.

It'd be a shame if Danny
had to go back home tomorrow

without his little friend.

Tomorrow?

You should've heard
Danny talking on the phone

to his folks about that rabbit.

His dad's even getting
a hutch ready for him

in back of his quarters.

Quarters? Yes.

Danny's father is
in the service, too.

My brother-in-law.

Oh, you certainly know the name.

Brigadier General Lewis Dormire,

in charge of marine
personnel at the Pentagon.

General Dormire?

That's right.

Oh, then that would
be little Danny Dormire...

and he wants his rabbit.

Boy, oh, boy.

$17.50 they soaked me.

$17.50 for two pounds of sawdust

and a couple of glass eyes.

I sure hope your
idea works, Sergeant.

Are you kidding?

You got to know kids, Pyle.

And I know 'em.

You got to work on their fickle.

Their what?

Fickle, fickle... they
can't stick with anything

for more than two minutes.

Just watch.

One look at this thing,
and that kid will forget

all about his dumb rabbit.

Hey, Danny.

Did you find Harvey?

Well, as a matter
of fact, we didn't.

Aw... The sergeant
has a better idea.

Let me say it, please.

I'm footing the bill.

Come on over here, Danny.

Allow me to introduce
you to Harvey the Second.

A stuffed Harvey?

Yeah, how about that.

And he's washable, too.

And guaranteed non-allergic.

You like him, Danny?

Sure he likes him.

But I don't, Sergeant.

He's nothing like Harvey.

Are you kidding?

Look at this thing.

He's-He's soft and
cuddly and he's clean.

No muss, no fuss.

You can even take
him to bed with you.

And rabies... you don't have to
worry about him getting rabies.

What do you say?

It's not Harvey.

I know what he means, Sergeant.

There's nothing that
can replace a real live pet.

Pyle, what are you,
an Arnold Benedict?

Look, Danny, take
him. You'll like him.

No! I don't want him!

Uncle Ed!

Danny, don't do that.

You're bothering Uncle Ed.

Good evening, sir.

Evening, Sergeant, Private.

What do we have here?

Oh, well, this is a little
present for Danny, sir.

Until we find the real thing.

But the sergeant just said

this was supposed to be...

That's just what I said.

This is supposed to be
until we find the real thing.

Here, take him, take him.

Let's go, Pyle.

Good night, sir.

Pyle.

Danny, believe me, these ain't
the same ones we caught before.

These are nine new ones.

Pyle, tell him.

That's right, Danny,

and we caught 'em
nearby, so it's hard to believe

that one of them ain't Harvey.

Try again, huh?

Maybe you was just too excited.

I don't have to.

I know Harvey isn't there.

But how?

How? They all look just
alike, every one of them.

No, they don't.

There isn't one of them

that has a little black
spot on his front leg.

Huh? What are you talking about?

Harvey had a little
black spot on his front leg.

Shazam.

Now that I think
of it, he's right.

It was right over here.

You could see it when
you was hugging him.

Pyle, why?

Why, why didn't
you tell me before?

Golly, Sergeant, I
guess I just forgot.

Why didn't you tell me?!

You didn't ask me.

Oh, yes, sir, can
I help you, sir?

Uh, yeah.

You sell rabbits, don't you?

For every commercial
use possible.

Medical, table,
agricultural, you just name it.

How about loveable,
like for a pet?

Well, naturally, all my
little guys are loveable.

I mean, what's to
hate about a rabbit?

You got a few hours?

How much are they?

Five bucks apiece, $50 a dozen.

Okay, I'll take a white one
with a black spot on its leg.

I beg your pardon?

A black spot.

Why do you need a black spot?

Believe me, it's a long story.

It starts with a kid and
it ends with a general.

Okay, I'll try to get one
for you by tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

But I got to have it to go.

It'll take me hours to go
through all the white rabbits

I got in here and out back.

You gotta help me.

Believe me, it's an emergency.

Well, okay.

That'll be $15.

You just said five bucks.

For the rabbit.

The other $10 is a finder's fee.

My time's worth
something, ain't it?

Hey.

Hey, Danny, come here.

Oh, hey, Sergeant.

Hi, Danny.

I was over at Uncle
Ed's looking for you.

Pyle, why ain't you working?

Oh, we just took
those last nine rabbits

and put them with
the rest of them.

Yeah? Well, you
can just turn around

and let 'em all go, Pyle.

You mean this is Harvey?

Yeah, and this time for real.

Hi, Harvey. Hiya, fella.

Golly, just like that.

Well, once I got the
description straight.

This isn't Harvey.

What are you talking about?

Don't you see... The
spot's on the wrong leg.

But you said he
had a spot right here.

No, I didn't, Sergeant.

I said the spot was
on the other side.

Pyle!

We're never going to find him.

I just know it!

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

I thought you knew
which side the spot was on.

Take the rabbit, Pyle.

I know how bad you
feel about this, Sergeant.

Just take the rabbit, Pyle.

Well, Danny's not leaving
until late this afternoon.

When I want a
countdown, I'll ask for it.

Now take the rabbit!

Sergeant, I was just thinking,

Harvey's got to be
somewhere on the base,

what with the fence and all.

So why don't you put a
notice up on the bulletin board

and offer a reward?

Forget it, Pyle, I'm broke.

I just got $10 to last me
the rest of the month...

Thanks to that miserable rabbit.

Ten bucks reward.
Looks like the sarge is

blowing his whole
bankroll on this thing.

Any results?

Well, just seven
more false leads is all.

They all had spots, but
they was in the wrong place.

I guess the sergeant told you.

He didn't have to.

I got the message

when he dented the
file cabinet with his fist.

Excuse me, Private.

Are you bringing that rabbit

in answer to the sergeant's ad?

Well, the offer's
still good, isn't it?

It sure is if it's
the right one.

Do you mind if I take a look?

No, go ahead.

You can see it's got
the spot and everything.

Gosh, I'm sure sorry, Private,

but that's just a spot of dirt.

See, it rubs right off.

Huh?

How about that?

And I nearly broke my neck
crawling under the mess hall.

Well, do you mind
if we keep him here

so somebody else
won't waste their time

catching him all over again?

Be my guest.

Just another false lead.

Yeah, well, you better
let me take it, Gomer.

And stand back about 20 yards

in case the sarge
blows out the walls.

Yeah, what is it?

It's me, Sarge.

Is it all clear?
Yeah, come on in.

Is that it? Did you get it?

Afraid not, Sarge. Just
another false alarm.

Sure, what else?

At least he had a
little spot on him.

Just a smudge of
dirt... It rubbed right off.

A spot? And it rubbed off?

Yeah, like I said,
it was just a little...

Slater, lock the door.

What? Lock the door.

Sarge, it ain't gonna work.

The shoe polish is too shiny.

Yeah.

See if the one with
the paint is dry yet.

No good.

The spot ran down
under his stomach.

Want to take another
try with the marking pen?

No, that looked as
bad as the axle grease.

Wait a minute, get
another fresh rabbit.

Right.

India ink?

Yeah. It dries fast
and it doesn't come off.

Hold him.

Hey, that looks, good, Sarge.

Yeah.

It's gonna work,
Slater, it's gonna work.

Who is it?

It's me and Danny, Sergeant.

Uh, just a minute.

Come on, quick,
put that junk away.

Right, Sarge.

Just a second.

Danny, what a coincidence.

I was just on my
way over to see you.

Look what I got here.

It's him! It's Harvey! Yeah.

Well, I'll be, it is Harvey.

He's got the spot
and everything.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Where'd you find him?

Oh, out in the woods.

It's just a matter
of sticking with it,

and a little ingenuity,
right, Slater?

Right, Sarge. Where
there's a will, there's a way.

Well, I guess all that leaves

is just getting
these little fellers

back to the woods
where they belong.

You don't have to do that, Pyle.

Slater and me will be glad...

Hey, Sergeant, that one's
got a spot on him, too.

And so does this one.

Only this one's all smeared
underneath his belly.

Uh, let me have him.

Sergeant, this
spot's coming off.

And it smells like paint.

And this spot isn't real either.

The fur on top is black,
but underneath it's white.

I think somebody's
trying to trick us, Sergeant.

Let me see that.

It isn't him. It isn't Harvey.

Yeah, what some guys
won't do for a ten buck reward.

Danny!

Pyle!

Sergeant, we've
still got an hour

before Danny has to
leave for the airport.

If there was someway
we could just...

Shazam!

What's the matter with me?

In general or do you
want to go alphabetical?

I don't know why I
didn't think of it before.

I mean, where
to look for Harvey.

Forget it, Pyle.

I don't have room for
any more of your ideas.

Now get out of here.

Out, out, out, out,
out, out, out, out!

Out!

Well, Danny will be
leaving in about five minutes.

What are you going
to tell him, Sarge?

What can I tell him. I
couldn't find his rabbit.

Well, the colonel sure
ain't gonna like that.

What's worse, Danny's
father ain't gonna like it.

Brigadier General Lewis Dormire.

Slater, you don't have
to keep reminding me.

Well, what are you
going to tell him?

I told you, I'm going
to tell him the truth.

I couldn't find his rabbit.

Sure. Sure, what
can they do to you?

Yeah, what can they do to me?

Oh, I might as
well get it over with.

Well, uh, here they come.

See you later, Sarge.

Hmm?

Sergeant Carter.

Good afternoon, sir.

Hi, Sergeant.

Did you find him?

Did you, Sergeant?

Well, sir, uh... Danny...

the fact of the matter is, I...

Sergeant Carter.

Danny, wait a minute.

Look what I found.

Is it Harvey?

It sure is.

It is Harvey!

Congratulations, Pyle.
How did you find him?

It wasn't me that found him,
sir, it was Sergeant Carter.

Huh?

After the sergeant rounded up

all the other
rabbits in the woods,

I guess Harvey got lonesome.

He went on back
to the little hutch

that Danny and I had
him in in the first place.

Well, that's great.

All right, Danny, you
can get in the car now.

Congratulations, Sergeant.

I wasn't aware that
you knew so much

about animal instinct.

Oh, thank you, sir.

I guess it comes from my
mother's side of the family.

She was a farm girl, you know.

And then there was
Tag. He was my dog.

I could read him like a book.

I'm going back 20, 25 years now.

I remember one day...

Okay, let's go, Pyle.

Oh, Sergeant Carter.

Hold it, Pyle.

Good morning, sir.

I thought you might like to know

that I just spoke to General
Dormire on the phone,

and he was telling me
that Danny and his rabbit

are getting along just fine.

Oh, good, good, sir.

By the way, whoever
thought up the name Harvey?

That's an interesting
name for a pet.

Well, sir, I was...

Well, actually, Colonel, we
went through a lot of names

before we came up with Harvey.

But the fact of the matter is,

Harvey just seemed
to fit him so well.

Part of your natural instinct
with animals, Sergeant?

Well, it's all part of it, sir.

I see.

Well, it may
interest you to know

that Harvey gave
birth to six babies

at 5:00 this morning.

Carry on, Sergeant.

Golly!