Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 5, Episode 23 - I'm Always Chasing Gomers - full transcript

Gomer gets stuck on Sergeant Carter's plane to Wichita without Carter knowing it; and then Carter keeps seeing Gomer everywhere he looks.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

'Morning, Sergeant.

That's your opinion.

Huh? What's wrong?

My nerves are shot!

Where're you going?

I'm shipping out.

Of the Corps?

For the weekend. Look!

You see that? You
know what that is?

Your eye. Yeah.
Well, what's it's doing?

Well, it... it looks
like it's twitching.

Right. That's a symptom,
Slater. A symptom.

Of what? Pyle-it-is!

A disease caused by
too much Gomer Pyle!

Seven days a week,
52 weeks a year.

A man's mind was not made

to take that kind of
punishment, Slater!

My body's telling me that
my mind has had enough!

Well, Pyle's been around
for five years, Sarge.

What started it
now all of a sudden?

It ain't all of a
sudden, Slater.

It's been building,
Slater. It's been building.

There were times lately when
I thought I was going to crack,

but I managed to stay with it.

This morning, he
finally got to me!

How? A toothpick!

A toothpick? Yeah!

Haven't you ever noticed
how, after every meal,

Pyle always breaks
a toothpick in half

and drops it in his plate?

I guess not.

Well, he does.

And, this morning,
he broke one in half

and dropped it in my plate.

Now, it could have
been an accident,

but my eye started twitching!

Sarge, I guess you do
need a couple of days rest.

Where you going?
San Diego? Wichita.

Wichita? For a weekend?

There are too many
uniforms in San Diego.

I want to stay as far away
from the military as I can...

Uniforms, bases... anything
that reminds me of Pyle!

Fine, Sarge. But
what's in Wichita?

My mom.

Got your orders, Sergeant?

You know, to tell you the truth,

I'm kind of glad you
couldn't find that person

that was supposed to
drive you to the airport,

'cause, after all, you're
going be gone two whole days.

And, well, this way,

I get to spend a little
extra time with you.

And you're going
to go visit your mom.

Well, ain't that nice?

You know, some fellas,
when they get in your position,

they forget all
about their families.

But not you No, sirree!

And your mom lives in Wichita?

That's in Kansas, ain't
it? I never have been

to Kansas but from what I hear,

it's just as flat as can be!

Can't see a hill for
miles and miles around.

Pyle, can I talk to you?

You know, man-to-man?

Well, sure, Sergeant.

Man-to-man, Pyle, shut up.

You see, I've got
this case of nerves.

Oh, well, that's
too bad, Sergeant.

Why don't you just...?

Now, the reason I got these
bad nerves is because...

Now, don't take this personal...

But sometimes, Pyle, I just
can't stand to be around you.

Oh, it's not just you.

It's you and the whole thing.

Well, if it was...

It just builds up inside
of me sometimes

until, well, I got to get
away from everything.

And this is one of them times.

You understand? Good.

Now, do me a favor.

Don't say another word

until you see my airplane
up in the sky. Okay?

Don't worry,
Sergeant. I understand.

And I won't say another word.

Why, even if you was
to ask me, I would...

Now, I'm going to
take my hand away,

but you're not going
to say a word, right?


Well, don't just sit
there like a dummy!

Help me! Give me a hand!

Right, Sergeant.

'Cause you don't want
to drop your oranges.

I'll just help you
onto the plane.

And then, when
you get to Wichita,

you can probably find
somebody else to...

You broke your promise!

You're talking!

By the window, sir.

Good morning. I'll take that.

To your left, sir.

May I see your
ticket? Thank you.

I'm just carrying this on for
him. Okay. Good morning.

Excuse me, please.

Here are your oranges, Sergeant.

Thank you, Pyle.

Well, don't look like we're
going to take off for a minute, so...

Good-bye, Pyle.

Excuse me, ma'am.
That looks kind of heavy.

Can I give you a hand?
Thank you, young man.

If you could just hang
that up for me, please.

Yes, ma'am. You
just go take a seat,

and I'll take
care of it for you.

Thank you so much.

Excuse me, ma'am.

What are you doing in there?

Well... We're up in the air!

Well, if we're not, we're
taxiing at 600 miles an hour.

But I'm not supposed
to be up here!

I must have hit my head.

I remember somebody
bumping into me,

and I remember thinking,
"I'm going to hit my head."

Then I must have hit my head,

'cause that's all I
remember up until right now.

Look, you'd better
come sit down.

You just take it easy.

We'll be in Wichita
in about an hour.

In Wichita?

I can't go to Wichita! I
ain't even got a ticket!

Well, don't worry about that.

You're here because of a mishap.

The airline won't
charge you for the flight.

Oh, well, that's nice, but
what about coming back?

I'm afraid you'll
have to pay for that.

Golly. Well, I know I
don't have enough money

for a trip back from Wichita.

Oh, I'm sure you'll be
able to work something out.

Didn't you get on with the
gentleman holding the oranges?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I'll tell him you're here.

I'm sure he'll be glad to help.

Please don't do that.

He's my sergeant,

and, well, he can't
know I'm here.

Why not?

Well, he's taking this trip to
get away from the Marines.

I mean, well, it'd just
spoil things for him.

I'll work something out
when I get to... Wichita.

Well, that's the reason
I called you, Duke.

It costs $72 for me to
get back there and, well,

Duke, can you wire me $72?

I don't have it, Gome.
Hey, wait a second.

Why don't you borrow
the money from the sarge?

Well, the sergeant
don't know I'm here.

It's a long story.

Okay. Okay.

Look. Go to the sarge,
tell him you're there,

and ask him for the 72 bucks.

But I can't do that, Duke.

Sergeant Carter
spent a lot of money

to come here to
Wichita for two days rest

and one of them days
is almost over now

and, well, I just can't spoil
what's left of his weekend.

Gomer, you'd better get
back here by tomorrow

or you'll be AWOL.

That'll spoil the rest
of your weekend.

Well, I guess I had better
but, well, I sure do hate to it.

Oh, here he comes now, Duke.

I guess I'd better go after him.

But I really do hate to
interrupt his weekend.


Hey, taxi! Taxi!

Them bags are mine.

Taxi, buddy?

Yeah. Follow that cab!

Here, keep the change.

What do you mean,
"keep the change"?

You owe me another 15 cents.

Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah.

Here, here's a quarter.

Now you keep the change.

Thank you.


Surprise, Mom!


Oh, I'll say it's a surprise!

Come in! Come in.

What are you doing here?

When did you get in?

Why didn't you call me?

Well, it was just a
spur-of-the-moment thing.

Here, I know how you
love California oranges.

Navels. Oh, I love them!

Oh, you never do forget, do you?

Here, come here.
Let me look at you.

You lost some
weight, didn't you?

How long can you stay?

Just for the weekend.

I gotta be back Monday.

You mean, you made that
long trip just for the weekend?

Well, I had to get away.

After a while, it
starts to get to you.

You know, Vincie,
sometimes I don't think

you should have
bucked for that fifth stripe.

Somebody's got to do it.

That was great chow, Mom.

But I don't want wearing
yourself out, cooking for me.

So, tomorrow night I'm
gonna treat you to dinner

down at the VFW Hall.

Oh, Vincie, I don't want you

spending all your money on me.

Now sit down.

Sit down and relax.

Now tell me, what's
your favorite TV show?

You're not kidding,
are you? Is it on?

Roller derby time!


Oh, this is so wonderful.

I just hate watching the
roller derby by myself.

I don't mind watching
the news by myself,

but the roller derby, you
should see it with somebody else.

How about a beer?

Thanks, Mama.

Boy, this is great:

a beer, TV, the roller derby.

I'm a lucky man.

Ah, it's great to
have you home, son.

It's great to be home, Mom.

Skoal. Skoal.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

I guess you spend
enough time with a guy,

you start seeing him everyplace.


Huh? Uh, nothing, Mom, nothing.

Huh?! Huh?

Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Vincie.

I didn't mean to wake you.

Oh, I must have dozed off.

See? You're more
relaxed already.

You were sleeping like a baby.


I feel much better now.

You want another beer?

No. I... I think I'll, uh, take

a little walk around the
neighborhood before I turn in.

Okay. I'll make you some hot
chocolate while you're gone.

You always used to like hot
chocolate before you went to bed.

Thanks, Mom.

Oh, you be careful if you
go by the Hendersons.

They still raise them
Doberman pinschers.

Remember you used
to be so scared of them?

But that was when I was a kid.

I'm grown up now; a man.


Uh, Miss Carter, my
name is Gomer Pyle.

I'm one of Sergeant
Carter's men.

Really? From California?

Yes, ma'am. Where
did the Sergeant go?

He went for a walk. Why?

Well, will he be gone long?

Why, I don't think so. About
20, 30 minutes, I guess.

Come on in and wait for him.

No, ma'am, I can't.

The Sergeant
mustn't know I'm here.


You see, ma'am, I
have this problem

that I thought maybe
you could help me with.

So you see, if he sees me,

it's going to spoil
his whole weekend.

It's the pressure, Gomer.

He's too tense. His
father was the same way.

Why, the day he died,

that's the way I found
him at the kitchen table,

still pointing at
the burnt toast.

As much as I hate the idea of
making Sergeant Carter tense,

if I don't get back to the base,

I'm going to be AWOL.

So then the big problem is you
need $72 to get back to camp.


All rightie, I'll loan
you the money.

You will?!

Of course. There's no sense

you getting in trouble,

and there's no sense
getting Vincent all upset.

You just catch a
plane in the morning,

send me a check
when you get back,

he'll never know the difference,
and nobody will be tense.

Well, that's
wonderful, Miss Carter.

Golly, I don't know how I'll
ever be able to thank you.

Ah, don't mention it.

Now where are you
spending the night?

Well, I thought I might
just walk around the park

or, or just stay up
all night at the airport.

You can't do that.

Oh, it's not so bad.

There's lots of
interesting things to do.

They've got these
little television sets

with all the flight numbers
on them and the arrival time.

I thought I might
watch that awhile

and they wash the
airplanes at night

and I never have seen that.

Nonsense. You'll
sleep here tonight.

But Sergeant Carter's not
supposed to know I'm here.

He won't.

Now, there's a nice
cot right over here,

and you'll find an old
nightshirt in this trunk.

Now, isn't this better than
walking around an airport?

Well, this is real kind
of you, Mrs. Carter,

but what if the sergeant
comes up here?

He hasn't been up
here in ten years.

He was always afraid of ghosts.

Well, what if he hears me?

He won't hear you.

Now you just get a
good night's sleep.

Oh, sleep on your stomach.

That way, you won't snore.

Okay, Miss Carter,

and, well, I sure do thank you

for going to all this trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

Now, here, uh,

we never got around to
putting electricity in up here,

so you're gonna
have to keep this.

Well, all this'll be just fine.

Thank you again for everything.

Oh, it's no trouble.

Just don't be tense!

Everybody is so tense.

How was your walk?

Huh? Oh... uh, great!

That's just what I
needed, some exercise.

Boy, I'm gonna sleep
like a log tonight.

Did you have any
trouble with the dogs?

Dogs? What dogs?

I just love dogs.

Hey, what happened
to the napkin holder

I made for you when I
was in the Boy Scouts?

Oh, I didn't want to break it.

It's with your handprint ashtray

and your leather
craft up in the attic.

Hey, you know, I'd
like to take a look

at that stuff again sometime.

Maybe I'll go take a
look at it before I turn in.

Uh, but it's dark up there now.

Why don't you
wait until morning?

I can use a candle.

But, uh, when you were little,

you never went
near the attic at night.

You were always
afraid of ghosts.


Okay, I'll see it tomorrow.

Good night, Vincie. Sleep well.

Good night, Mom.

My baby.


'Night, Mom.

Come on and sit down
and I'll make you breakfast.

It'll only take a minute.

But what about the sergeant?

Well, he always sleeps
late when he's home.

But I... Sit!

I never let a man out of
this house without breakfast,

and I'm not gonna start now.

See how tense
you're getting again?

Now do like this.

Come on with me.

In rhythm. It's a great relaxer.

Now, how about
another cup of coffee?

No, thank you, ma'am. I
really do have to be going.

I'm sure I heard him
moving around in there.

Okay, go,

as long as you
ate your breakfast.

I couldn't send you out
on an empty stomach.

I really do
appreciate everything.

I'm sure he's up now. 'Bye.

Thanks again, Miss Carter.


He's so tense.


Vincent? Huh?

What are you doing?

Oh, well, I was
just out for a walk.

Without your shoes?

Oh, well, I must
have f-f-forgot them.

Why is your eye twitching?

You'd better relax.
Vincent, you're too tense.

Why are you so tense?

Now come on, with me.

That's the boy.

Ah, relax. Ah, good.

And he never found out?

No, he didn't, and I
hope he never does.

And I sure hope he got his rest.

That's the craziest
thing I ever heard.

Thanks for the lift, Charlie.

That sounds like him now.

Welcome back, Sarge.
How was the trip?


Just like that! Just like what?

Pyle... I just saw
him at the window!

It was like that all
through the weekend!

I kept thinking I
saw him everyplace:

at the airport, at my
living room window.

I even saw him in the attic.

No kidding? Yeah.