Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 5, Episode 17 - Marriage, Sgt. Carter Style - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

So, like I said, Johnson,

reenlistment's a good
deal any way you look at it.

Privileges, promotion,

pay, bonus of six
months' extra pay,

and, finally, that big pension.

After only 19 and half years,

you get half pay for life.

And you're still young enough



to begin a whole new
career on the outside.

Now, you're a
pretty smart fellow.

How does that sound to you?

Pretty good. You bet it is.

So we'll count on you being
with us for another hitch, huh?

Right, Sarge.

Did you ever think
about going into politics?

I just tell it like
it is, that's all.

Well, you got an
easy one next... Pyle.

Pyle... He'll be
ready to sign over

before he gets through the door.

You know o" gung ho Gomer

when it comes to
the marines. Yeah.

So, no problem.



What are you talking about?

I've been dreading this moment.

Another hitch with Pyle
around, I'll be a raving lunatic.

Well, somehow, he's got to go.

I mean it.

Either he becomes a
civilian or I become a psycho.

I put in three years
and it's aged me 12.

Look at that... gray
hairs, three new ones.

I can't even let
myself think about it.

How about recommending
he join the army?

Hmm?

Nah, I couldn't do
that, not even to them.

Well... we can't
put it off forever.

Bring him in.

Please, let me come
up with something

that will make him
want to be a civilian.

Pyle.

Hey, Sergeant.

How about this?

Reenlistment time already.

My... my, my, how time does fly.

Seems just like yesterday.

Uh, Pyle...

Johnson said what a
fine speech you give him,

but you don't have
to do that with me

'cause I've already
made up my mind.

Don't say a word.

I mean, this is an
important decision, Pyle,

and it's... it's my duty

to give you the facts first.

You mean, like the poster here,

things like promotion.

Yeah, promotion.

Well, sure that
works for some, but...

well, for others,
it's one stripe...

all their life.

And one step out of line
and you lose that, too.

Then that bonus... What is it?

Peanuts compared to
what a guy can make

in just one week
as a TV repairman.

Sergeant, I've loved every
minute of being in the marines.

I know, Pyle.

And you've more
than done your part.

But I've been watching
you closely, Pyle,

and you're one of the
few men in my platoon

that I can say is truly ready

to move into the mainstream

of civilian life.

Congratulations.

Sergeant, you sound like
I ought to leave the Corps.

Well, if that's your final
decision, I understand.

But, Sergeant... Don't say it.

Give it some thought.

There's still time.

But I think you are

really on the right
track, Mr. Pyle.

Mr. Pyle? Sounds good, huh?

Well, Sergeant, you
see, I've already decided...

Not now. Not now.

Think about it... short-timer.

I don't think I made it.

It sounded like he's ready
to go the whole 19 years.

19 years?!

I can't take another 19 days.

How do I get to him? How?!

Well, there's one more outside.

You want to see him?

Oh, sure, sure.

I wonder... would
Pyle take a bribe?

I got a few dollars saved up.

I'll top their offer.

Sergeant, uh, about
my reenlistment...

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'll hope
you'll understand,

but my girlfriend...
Well, that is, my fiancée,

well, I won't be signing over.

We're going to get married,

and that's kind of a
full-time assignment.

Yeah, well, uh, you
ought to keep in mind,

there are a lot of
good reasons for...

What did you say?

Well, it's just that we figured,

marriage and the
marines don't mix.

You figure... they don't mix?

Well, if your mind's
made up, that's it.

Congratulations.

And may all your
troubles be little ones.

That's it! You heard?

That's how we'll
do it... Marriage.

You're going to get married?

Not me... Pyle.

If I can get Pyle
married, I'm safe.

He'll march down the
aisle, out of the marines

and my hair, forever.

Supposing he doesn't
want to get married?

He will. He will.

Well, going into town, Pyle?

Well, no, Sergeant, not tonight.

You ain't gonna see Lou-Ann?

Oh, no. She's away on this trip

till Friday.

Oh, then you didn't
have no fight or nothing?

With Lou-Ann? Golly, no.

Good, good.

Lou-Ann's one girl in a million.

Yes, sir, one in a million.

I envy you, Pyle.

I really do.

I can't help but think back

to when I was just
where you are now...

A PFC... in a
barracks, just like this.

I had a girl then, too...

just like Lou-Ann.

It was reenlistment time,

and I had to make the same
decision that's facing you now.

All I can say,
Pyle... Gomer, I hope

you don't make the
same mistake I did.

Mistake?

Not that it's been all bad.

Promotions came along, but...

it's hollow, Pyle... all hollow.

What's a full sleeve

when you've got an empty heart?

Gosh, Sergeant...
And now, for me...

it's too late.

Just endless reveilles

until the final... taps.

No patter of little feet,

no companion by my side

to walk into the
twilight of life.

Golly, Sergeant.

I never had the slightest idea.

Listen to me... Not
as your sergeant,

but as a friend, Pyle.

Now, Gomer,
don't let this chance

for happiness pass you by.

I mean it. Marry Lou-Ann, now.

Marriage? Now?

She'd make a good
wife, wouldn't she?

Well, absolutely. No question.

Then do it, Pyle.

You want a home, a fireplace,

an easy chair, a
dog... a color TV.

Pyle... happiness is not a bunk;

it's a double bed.

Well, I haven't even
discussed this with Lou-Ann.

And she's away on this trip...

Well, what a great surprise

it'll make for her
when she gets back.

Friday, huh?

We can have it all
arranged by then.

Pyle, helping you to
find your happiness

may help me forget
how I lost the chance

to find mine.

I'm sure you'll be very
happy with that ring.

Okay, Pyle.

Do you know Lou-Ann's ring size?

Well, it's about the
size of my pinky.

We was fooling around once

with a ring from a
Cracker Jack box.

Great. No problems.

But, Sergeant...

Well, marriage is a
very important step.

Of course it's important.

If it wasn't for marriage, Pyle,

you and I wouldn't even be here.

But I'm not sure
that I'm ready yet.

Ready? Ready?

Who's to say when we're ready.

Thank you.

I'd like to buy a wedding ring.

Well, well, well, how wonderful.

Congratulations.

Right here.

Do you know the ring size?

We'll try it on right here.

Uh, Pyle?

Over here.

See anything you like?

You're buying a ring for him?

How about this one?

It looks real nice.

Well, Sergeant, I
don't know about this.

Do you really think...

Believe me, Pyle,
it's the right thing...

and it'll make both
of us very, very happy.

But, Sergeant... Are you sure

these are the best you got?

Because it's for the
prettiest little finger

in the whole world.

Are you sure you
wouldn't rather have a...

just a "friendship" ring?

Sorry.

You see, he's a little nervous.

His girlfriend doesn't
know about all this yet.

Oh, so that's it. Yeah.

I'm trying to keep him
from losing his nerve,

so anything you can do,
you know, encourage him?

I understand.

It got a little dusty.

But you like it and
it's the right size.

Sergeant, I
really don't think...

Fine. Uh... How much is it?

Seventeen-fifty.

Fine. My treat.

Sergeant, I can't let you do...

Pyle, I insist.

We also got your Tropical
Romance honeymoon package.

You know, "Five
days and four nights

"of a ne'er-to-be-forgotten
romantic adventure...

"to the strum of guitars
beneath your balcony,

overlooking the
moonlit sands of Guam."

Hey, you got that?

Guitars, a balcony?

Now, don't tell me
Lou-Ann won't go for that.

I suppose she would.

Lou-Ann does like guitar music.

"Sweet Leilani" is
one of her favorites.

But I don't think that...

What'll it be, gents...

Cupid's Delight or
Tropical Romance?

The Guam thing,
with the guitars.

299.98... 50 bucks deposit.

Two hundred and ninety...?

That's nothing compared
to a lifetime of happiness.

Consider it my wedding present.

But I can't let you
do that, Sergeant.

I just can't.

Forget it, Pyle.

It's my pleasure, really.

But it's just too much.

Pyle... I've always
felt that my men...

Not just you, but all my men...

Were... well, kind
of my children.

It's as close to
being a father as...

I'll ever get.

Golly, Sergeant.

I never realized
you felt that way.

Well, you know it now, so...

let me do this for you.

Well, Sergeant,
you'll never know

how much I appreciate
this, but I just can't let you...

Please... let me do
this for you... son.

Well, Sergeant, do
I really need this?

I always thought
if I got married,

I'd wear my dress blues.

Pyle, you got to
forget about uniforms.

You're getting out.

That's all behind you.

You got to start
thinking like a civilian.

But, Sergeant...

Don't you think the
waist is a little large?

Well, he'll need that
for when he sits down.

A natural drape, like
Tony Martin wears.

You hear that, Pyle?

You can't get much
sharper than that, huh?

What's the matter, Pyle?

Well, Sergeant, it's not
that I don't appreciate

what you're doing, but...

Well, don't you think
we're rushing things a little?

Oh, no. That's the whole idea.

"He who hesitates..." you know.

But don't you think

I should at least
talk to Lou-Ann?

No, it's much more
romantic this way.

Women love to get
swept off their feet.

Well, I suppose so, but...

Well, the way things
are happening...

Well, it's just not
like I imagined it'd be.

Why? Did we forget something?

Well, no, not a thing.

That's just the problem...
You've done it all.

I don't get it.

Well, don't
misunderstand, Sergeant.

You've been more than
generous, but, well, a marriage

is something that happens
only once in a lifetime,

and with something that special,

it just don't seem right
to have somebody else

do all the planning for you.

Pyle, Pyle, Pyle.

You just don't get it, do you?

Huh?

Now, trust me,
everything is gonna be fine.

Now, let's see that
big, happy smile.

Come on now, for dad.

There we go.

That's my boy.

Believe me, you're gonna be

the happiest man on Earth.

We're both gonna be.

Nice. Real nice.

Boy, what with this
and the honeymoon,

you should be out
quite a bundle, Sarge.

It's only money.

Couldn't you have
them just elope?

He might change his mind.

This way, with a big wedding

and all the plans,
he'll be in so deep,

it'll be impossible
for him to wiggle out.

So I'm out a few bucks.

It's the best
investment I ever made.

Well, I guess there's
no real harm down.

Lou-Ann's a sweet
girl... She and Gomer

will probably have a
very happy marriage.

Hmm?

Oh, sure, sure, that
could happen, too.

Hey, Sergeant. Duke.

Hey, Gome.

Well, Pyle, this is it, huh?

Sergeant, I... Not Sergeant.

Vince... I want you
to call me Vince.

Now, you might as
well get used to it.

There are no sergeants
in civilian life, right?

I... I suppose so, Sergeant.

But about the wedding,

well, I just don't feel right

about you paying for everything.

Well, don't you see?
I want to, Gomer.

Your happiness is my happiness.

Now, you don't want
to be selfish, do you?

Golly, no.

But, well, you've
just done so much.

What?

What have I done?

Can a father ever really
do too much for his children?

Well, there was

the ring and a
honeymoon and the suit.

That's nothing.

I saved the best for last.

Come on, I want to show you

the house I found
for you. A house?

Yeah, a regular
honeymoon cottage,

with a white
picket fence, roses,

a fireplace, a garbage disposer.

I got the lease right over here.

Let's see... there.

Mr. and Mrs.
Gomer Pyle, civilian.

How does that sound?

S-Sergeant, don't misunderstand.

I appreciate
everything you're doing,

but, well, I just don't know
if this is fair to Lou-Ann.

I think she should have some
say in picking out her own house.

After all, she's
gonna live there.

Believe me,
Pyle, she'll love it.

Well, I guess, but
with something this big,

maybe we better
wait until she gets back

to find out... You
mean about the house?

Easy to fix.

Yeah, uh, we'll get
Bunny to go along.

Now, she's a
woman, and she's got

a woman's outlook,
so she'll know exactly

what Lou-Ann will like, right?

Well, I suppose.

Yeah, I'll give her
a call right now.

We'll all go over and
look at the house together.

Vince, is that you?

Yeah!

Come on in.

Oh, hi, Bun, you all set?

Pyle's waiting in the car.

Just slow down, Vince.

Now, what's this all about?

I told you on the phone.

Pyle's getting married.

Lou-Ann never said
anything to me about it.

That's the whole point.

She don't even know about it.

A surprise wedding?

Yeah, ain't that a great idea?

They're not even engaged.

But they love each
other, don't they?

Well, yeah. And they
want to get married, right?

Well, yeah, they've
talked about it,

but, Vince, a girl's
got to have time

to plan for something like this.

With a guy like
Pyle, she could plan

all of her life and
never get married.

That's why we
gotta help them kids.

But, Vince, picking
out her house?

Look, put yourself in her place.

If you were in love
with some creep

and you wanted to marry him,

but he wouldn't
get off the dime,

wouldn't you appreciate it

if somebody helped you get him?

Well, yeah, if that was the
only way I could get him.

Well, believe me,

that's the only way
she's gonna get Pyle.

Come on.

Well, there we are.

How's that for a
honeymoon cottage?

I tell you, Lou-Ann's gonna flip

when she sees it.

Just the place for two
lovebirds, huh, Bunny?

Well, maybe... And look here.

Your own front steps,

your own window, everything.

Bunny, you know Lou-Ann.

Do you really
think she'll like it?

Well, with a little
fixing, maybe.

A can of paint,

a little grass seed,
and there you are.

Oh, yeah, I can see
the whole thing now.

There you are,
Gomer and Lou-Ann,

Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed.

They look at each other,

then without a word,

he picks her up and
over the threshold.

Huh? How does that sound to you?

Heavenly. Yeah?

Now I ask you, is
she gonna like it,

or is she gonna like it?

She'll like it. Hmm?

You hear that, Pyle?

Bunny goes for the
place, so... she's a lady,

and Lou-Ann's gotta
be crazy about it.

Could we see the rest of it?

Oh, the inside is just
as great as the outside.

Uh, yeah, uh, uh, Gomer,

I know this is very personal

between you and Lou-Ann,

but what would you say coming up

to my place tonight,
before you tell her,

so we can all be in on
the surprise together.

Well, be glad to.

After all the sergeant's done,

it's only fair
you be part of it.

Ooh, wonderful.

I'll have a nice
dinner all ready.

Oh, she'll need a wedding dress.

A wedding dress?
Well, I'll take care of that.

I'll pick out two or three,

and then she can
select the one she likes.

Great. Go down
right now and do it.

Come on.

Here's the matching veil.

Oh! Do you like it, Gomer?

Oh... yeah, it's very nice.

Well, could I take these three,

and then make the
final selection at home?

Certainly.

I'll put them in a box,

and I wish you much happiness.

What?

I said I wish you
much happiness.

Oh, well, they're not for me.

They're for a friend.

Oh, I see.

Well, I'll have these
for you in a minute.

How about that, Gomer.

She thought they were for me.

Yeah, I guess she did.

That's a pretty little thing.

Not much to it, but...

you know, it's...
it's kind of pretty.

Lou-Ann's a lucky girl.

I don't know, Miss Bunny.

I kind of figure
I'm the lucky one,

but still, I can't help
but be a little bit nervous,

you know, with all these plans,

and Lou-Ann don't
know a thing about them.

Here, I've already
got a house to live in,

and I ain't even asked
her to marry me yet.

How long have you
been going with Lou-Ann?

Three years, 11
months and two days.

Well, Gomer, a woman
doesn't spend that much time

with one man unless
she sees her future there.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Of course I'm right.

Well, look at me and Vince...
I'd marry him tomorrow,

but when a woman
really loves someone,

she doesn't mind the wait.

You know, that was
a good idea of yours,

having Pyle bring her
here to spring the surprise.

Yes, sir, yes, sir,

this is gonna be
quite an evening.

Vince, I think you're
happier than the groom.

I am, I am.

Wonder what's keeping them.

Well, maybe Gomer
couldn't resist and took her

off to some nice
romantic place to propose.

No, he promised to
bring her here first,

so we could all be in
on the surprise together.

Oh, well, we don't
want her to see these.

Huh?

Wait a minute.

Uh, take them all
into the bedroom,

and then when I call you,

you come out carrying one.

That's how we'll spring
the good news on her.

Well, don't you
think Gomer should...

Must be them.

Go on in the bedroom.

And remember, don't come
out until I call you. Okay.

Well, well, well,
come in, come in.

Evening, Sergeant.

Evening.

This is real nice.

Where's Lou-Ann?

Oh, she'll be here
a little later on.

Oh?

Then you didn't have
no fight or nothing?

Oh, no, nothing like that.

She called and
said she was held up

and she'd be along about 8:00.

Oh, good.

Where's Miss Bunny?

Oh, she's in there.

So, we'll hold up
Lou-Ann's surprise

for another hour.

Be longer than that.

In fact, there's
no hurry at all.

You can wait all
the time you want.

Huh?

Well, from talking
to Miss Bunny,

I realized it's never
too late to get married

and, well, the longer
I stay in the marines,

the better it'll be.

I'll be able to save more money,

and Lou-Ann and me will get
to know each other even better,

so I've decided to reenlist.

You decided to...
And don't you see

what else this means, Sergeant?

You hadn't lost your chance
for happiness like you thought.

Why, Miss Bunny said right
out she'd marry you tomorrow.

How's that for good news?

So, I stopped off

and had the
honeymoon reservation

changed to your name,

and you can use this
ring, and you can live

in that little
honeymoon cottage.

Sergeant, it'll be
just like you said.

You'll come home at night,

and you'll see your
dog wag his tail,

and Miss Bunny will come out...

Miss Carter, that is...

In a nice, ruffly dress.

Let's give her the
good news right now.

Miss Bunny?

Wait a minute!

Guess what, Miss Bunny.

You're gonna get to
wear those things for real,

because the sergeant...
Don't listen to him.

He don't know what he's saying.

It's all the excitement
and everything.

I better get him back

to the base. But what
about the wedding?

There ain't gonna be no wedding.

I'll call you later.
Forget everything.

Take them things
back to the store!

To think I came that
close, and I blew it.

I had Pyle all set up,

and Bunny has to
put her two cents in.

Well, Gomer could still
change his mind, you know?

Yeah, he could, couldn't he?

I mean, it might
happen, knowing him.

Uh, what if I had
a talk with him?

What do you think?

It's possible.

Yeah... just him and me.

Leave the girls out of it.

Why not?

They don't call me ol' silver
tongue for nothing, huh?

Hey, Sergeant. Duke.

Pyle, just the fella
I wanted to see.

You'll never guess what
happened, Sergeant.

No, this is more important, Pyle.
I signed my reenlistment papers.

Yeah?

I got sworn in and everything.

I ran all the way
over here to tell you.

You mean it's official?

Ain't it wonderful, Sergeant?

Just think, we're
gonna be together

three whole more years.

I knew you'd want to know.

That's what you wanted
all along, huh, Gome?

Well, no, it wasn't.

See, the first time the
sergeant called me in,

I decided not to reenlist.

You what?

Well, I didn't think

it was fair to make Lou-Ann
wait three more years,

so I was gonna
quit and get a job,

and that's what I'd
come in to tell you.

Then why didn't you?

Well, don't you
remember, Sergeant?

You wouldn't let
me talk that day.

You told me to take my time

and not tell you
my decision then,

that I might want to
change my mind later on.

I said that?

And you was so right.

It gave me a chance to talk

to Miss Bunny and find out

that if a woman
really cares, she'll wait.

So, I'm gonna go over
and call Lou-Ann right now.

I just know she'll understand.

Just think, Sergeant, if
you hadn't have give me

that talking to, I'd be
a civilian right now.

I guess they don't call you
ol' silver tongue for nothing.

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