Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 3 - Corporal Carol - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Lou-Ann! I can't tell you how
good it is to hear your voice!

I just can't tell
you how good it is!

And have you been a good
boy while I've been gone?

All right, straighten up
that line and look sharp!

Okay, you
knuckleheads, let's hit it!


Heads in.

Elbows to the sides.


Let's look sharp, now.
Eyes straight ahead.

I don't want to see
a muscle move.

What'd you say, Lou-Ann?

Don't even breathe!

Do you read me?

You taking a sunbath, Mason?

Button it. Button it.

Where's your cap?
I left it in the truck.

You see, I thought...
Oh, you thought. You th...

We have a thinker in the group.

Look, Spinoza, I do all
the thinking around here.

You got that?

If I catch you without
that cap again,

I'll put it on for ya...
And if I put it on for ya,

it's gonna take a
plumber to get it off!

You men on duty here?

Well, no, n-not exactly.

Then shove off!

Move it! Move it!

All right, now hear this.

Why, it's been the
lonesomest three weeks,

four and a half days
that I can remember.

Actually, Gomer,

I must confess, I
missed you, too.


See you tonight at the
Bluebird Cafe about 7:30?

I can hardly wait.

Check into Barracks
A, stow your gear,

and report to the
company office at 1700.


Bye, Lou-Ann.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I didn't mean to
run into you like that.

I just couldn't
help myself, is all.

You're new here right
this minute, aren't you?

Oh, I get it... you're
just nosing around

so you can get the
names of those other girls.

Well, let me tell you
something... What other girls?

You didn't see any other girls?

No, ma'am, just you.

You're the only girl I saw.

Well, what are
you grinnin' about?

Well, it's just that

now suddenly things
seem to be just real nice.


I mean, when you've been
lonesome for a long time,

and then you hear
that one girl's voice,

well, the birds start to sing
and the sun starts to shine,

and then you ain't
lonesome anymore.

Just like that?

Oh, go on!

It's the truth.

I know I shouldn't be
talking to you like this,

us just having met,

and you being a
corporal and all,

but I just plain had to
say those things or bust.

That's all right.

I never did think this
day would ever come,

and now, my long wait's over.

But I... I don't even
know your name.

I'm Pyle, ma'am. Gomer Pyle.


Gomer Pyle.

That's nice.

It's unusual, but it's nice.

I'm, uh... Corp... I'm Carol.

Carol Barnes.

Carol... oh, that's
a pretty name.

You really think so? Uh-huh.

Fact is, there was
a girl back home

by the name of Carol,
and I always did think

it was one of the
prettiest names around.

Oh, and just, uh, where
would "back home" be?

Mayberry, North Carolina.

It's just a little bitty town
about 30 miles outside Raleigh.

Oh, I just love
little bitty towns.

They're so friendly.

"Howdy, neighbor," and all that.

Howdy, neighbor. Howdy.

I'm sure glad to meet you.

And I just know you're
gonna love it here.

Oh, I'm sure I will.

There's so many nice places
to go, in case you get lonesome.

Like the Bluebird Cafe... that's
right down there in the middle of town.

Bluebird Cafe, huh?

Fact is, I'm gonna be
there myself tonight.

All by yourself?

I hope not for long.


aren't you taking an
awful lot for granted?

Well, uh...

I sure hope I see you
again real soon, ma'am.

Well... you never can tell.

♪ Ta-ta. ♪

Hey! Evening, Gomer!

What'll it be?

I think I'll wait and order
when Lou-Ann gets here.

She's back in town, you know,

and I'm gonna meet
her here at 7:30.

Oh, but you're a
little early, aren't you?

Well, I didn't want to be late.

Hey, I think I will have a cup of
coffee while I'm waiting. Okay.

Oh, hi, there.

Well, hey, Corporal.

All by yourself again, huh?

Well, no, not exactly.

Oh, you don't have to
pretend, Gomer; not with me.

I know what it is to be alone.

Oh, but I'm not alone; not now.

Of course you're
not... And neither am I.

'Cause we're together.

But, Corporal, don't you
see... Ah-ah-ah-ah. Carol.

Well, Carol, what
I'm trying to say is...

We can't talk here,
Gomer, not really.

I've got my car outside,
and there's a lovely movie...

at the drive-in!

Come on, you don't have
to be embarrassed with me.

After all, we're friends now.

But, Corporal, what I'm
trying to tell you... Ah-ah-ah-ah.

I told you, not Corporal.

Tonight I'm Carol
Barnes... woman.

Well... here we are.

Uh, well, if you'll
excuse me a minute,

I'll go get some popcorn.

Would you like some?

We'll share.

There's a phone call for you,
honey... sounds like Gomer.

I don't know what
happened to him.

He was here just
a little while ago.

Oh, my goodness,
I hope he's all right.

Hello? Gomer!

Well, where are you?

It was the darndest thing.

This here Corporal, who's
new on the base just today,

and the lonesomest
thing you can imagine,

and, well, the next
thing you know,

here we are with the
picture about to start.

Gomer, you sure do
get yourself in fixes.

Why, you're just too
obliging to everybody.

But I been looking forward
so much to seeing you,

after three long weeks,
four and a half days.

I sure wished I was with you.

So do I, Gomer.

You're just too nice
for your own good.

But I guess that's one of
the things I like about you.

Well, can we make it
tomorrow night for sure?

At 7:00?

And you will excuse me for
tonight, won't you, Lou-Ann?



Well, bye.

Hello again.

Oh, you got back just in time.

You want some popcorn?

No, thank you.

Will you hold it for me
for a minute? Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?


We want to hear
the movie, don't we?

Thank you.

ROADRUNNER: Beep-beep!

Hey, look... it's a
Roadrunner cartoon!

It's my favorite!

I seen this one before, though.

But I don't mind
seeing it again.

In this one, there's a fox,
and he thinks he can make

a delicious dinner
out of the Roadrunner.

So what he does is...

Oh, I better not
tell you the ending.

It'll ruin it for you.

Yeah, it would.

Gee, Gomer,

this morning, we were
complete strangers,

and now, tonight,
here we are together,

watching a Roadrunner cartoon!


Gomer... look.

They're missing the
best part of the cartoon.

Boy, just look at him go...
Nobody can ever catch him.

He just zips up the road and
then zips back down again.



Boy, just look at them two...!

Was you dozing off?

Uh... Don't you
like the picture?

Oh, I-I love it.

You really should watch it.

Boy, look at him go!

They never can catch
that little old rascal!

So, tonight, you're here first.

Not taking any chances.

I'm just dying to see him!

I was hoping I'd find you here.

What do you say, Gomer?

You want to take in another
drive-in movie tonight?

Or better still, why don't
we find some quiet little place

where we can go dancing...
That'd be a lot cozier.

But Corporal...

Oh, we don't have
to decide right now.

I tell you what, why
don't we sit down

and have a bite to eat, and
then we can make our plans.

Oh, I'm so glad we
bumped into each other.

It's fate, Gomer,
that's what it is.



Well, glory be.

I been trying to get
you for the last two days,

but either you don't answer
or your line's been busy.

Who is this speaking, please?

Why, this is Gomer.

Gomer who?

Lou-Ann, I don't blame
you for being mad.

There's been an awful mix-up
and I just got to talk to you.

Well, I doubt very
much if that's possible.

I only answered the phone

to tell you that I don't
wish to speak to you.

Good-bye, Mr. Pyle.

Wait a minute,
Lou-Ann. Don't hang up.

Listen, couldn't we get
together for just a little bit

and let me explain everything?

I'm sorry, but I have a
very crowded schedule.

Couldn't you see me, though,
for just a little bit... please.

Well, actually...

I do seem to have tonight open.

That's great!

Then we can meet and talk?


I believe a man should
be given a chance

to prove his innocence.

That's real nice of
you, Lou-Ann; real nice.

It's the American way.

7:00 at the Bluebird?

Well, I'll see you then.




What are you doing here?

Oh, I came out for
a breath of fresh air,

and, lo and behold,
here you are.


Uh... Where were you last night?

I was kinda hopin' I
might hear from you.

Oh, well... I turned
in kinda early.

Oh, that's all right.

Tonight's another
night and we're together.

Hey, Gomer, I was thinking
that, tonight, we could spend...

Carol, I can't go out
with you this evening.

What's the matter?

Don't you well? Are you sick?

Stick out your tongue, Gomer.

No, Carol... Where
does it hurt? Tell Carol.

No, Carol, I feel fine,

but I still can't go
out with you tonight.

You see... Well... Uh...

Sit down just a minute.

Y-You see, Carol, I'm
meeting another girl.

Another girl?!

You mean you... you
found somebody else?

No, not exactly.

See, I knew Lou-Ann
before I knew you,

and we've been
going out right along.

Oh... You mean you're engaged?

No, we're not engaged.

Going steady?

Well, not even that. We date.

Or we did date,
until you came along.

What do you mean, "did"?

You mean my coming
along changed things?

It sure did.

You shook my life
up something fierce.


And how!

Boy, right from the
beginning, you just took over.

Well, I know.

I guess there are some
things you can't fight.

I'm on my way now

to meet her, to explain
to her about you.

You should, Gomer.

It's the right thing to do.

You should tell her about this.

I just hope she understands.

I tell you what...
I'll go with you,

and together, we'll
make her understand.

Would you really
help me explain?

It'd make things a lot easier.

You just leave everything to me.

Hey, Lou-Ann.

Lou-Ann, this is
Corporal Carol Barnes.

Carol, this is Lou-Ann Poovie.

Hi, Miss Poovie.

Well, it seems to me
that three's a crowd.

Wait a minute, Lou-Ann.

You got it all wrong.

Carol came here to help
me explain things to you.

That's right.

So please don't go. Please.

This whole thing's been one
great big misunderstanding.

So, let's see, where to start.

Well, I guess the
best place to begin

is at the beginning.

Well, to begin with...

Gomer, why don't
you let me talk to her?

You know, woman to woman.

You see, Miss
Poovie... Lou-Ann...

when I met Gomer, I didn't know

about you two and, well,

naturally, when two
women want the same man,

one of 'em's gotta lose, and...

What I'm trying to say is, uh,

the way I used to handle it,

was just to bow out gracefully

without creating a scene
or getting hysterical, and...

that's the best
way to handle it.

So... aw, cheer up.

I betch you, the next
time, you'll be a winner.

Carol, I...

Are you telling me that
Gomer prefers you?!

C'est l'amour.

I see.

Well, no, you don't.

I thank you for being
so truthful to me.

Oh, you're very
welcome, Lou-Ann.

But Lou-Ann...

Good-bye, Mr. Pyle... forever!

Wait a minute, Lou-Ann.

You've got it all wrong.


Gomer, now, that
wasn't so bad, was it?

Why did you say
those things to her?

Well, you didn't seem to be able

to tell her that there was
something between us,

so I did it for you.

But, Carol, I thought
you came here to tell her

there was nothing between us.

You know, it's so much
easier on her that way.

It's... What'd you say?

That there's nothing between us,

'cause there ain't.

Don't you see?

Lou-Ann's my best girl.

That's what I've
been trying to tell you

for the last couple of days,

but you just never would
give me the chance.

I'm really sorry that it
had to get to this point.

You mean it's always been her?

Ever since the first time

I set eyes on Lou-Ann,

I knew that there was
nobody else like her.

I never even dreamed
she'd go out with me,

but she did,

and then we got to liking
each other more and more,

and understanding
each other and...

We was just two people
that was happy to be together.

Didn't matter where we
were or what we was doing.

The main thing was
that we was just together.

Of course, I'm...
I'm very flattered

that you was
interested in me, too.

Course, I don't know why.

An attractive girl like you
oughta have a lot of boyfriends.

You mean you don't?

Well, then, you should have.

There's no reason in the world

that you shouldn't
have lots of fellers.

You're nice-looking

and you've got a
real good personality.


there is one
suggestion I could make.

Well, if we was to go
out together again...

Which we can't, 'cause
I'm already spoke for...

Then... well...

I'd like to be the
one to arrange things.

I mean, I'd like to
pick the place to go to

and I'd like to drive,
but, most of all,

I'd like to be the
one to do the asking.

What you mean is I
come on kinda strong.

Well, all I know is

when I'm out with Lou-Ann,
I feel real important.

I mean, she always

lets me lead the way, and...

it makes me feel real
good to open doors for her

and to take her arm
when we cross the street.

Things like that.

I don't think I
could ever do that.

I sure didn't get to
be a corporal that way.


you was a girl before
you was a corporal.


Well, that can wait.

Right now, we gotta get you back

to Lou-Ann.

I don't even think she
wants to see me anymore.

We'll convince her.


Don't worry.

This time, I'll say
the right things.

Golly, maybe we better not.

It'll be fine, Gomer.

Don't worry.

Hey, Lou-Ann.

Miss Poovie to you.

Besides, I thought
I'd made myself...

Lou-Ann... Lou-Ann,
this was my idea.

Can we come, please?

I'd rather you didn't.

Uh, Lou-Ann, back
at the Bluebird Cafe,

I said some things that,
uh, I think need correcting.

There's nothing to correct.

It's all quite clear.


I am no longer
interested in Mr. Pyle.

He has toyed with my
affections for the last time.

But I wasn't toying with
your affections, honest.

I beg your pardon, Mr. Pyle,
you most certainly were.

I was only trying
to... Look, uh,

I can clear this whole thing up

if you'll just give me
a minute to explain.

There's no need to explain.

You made yourself quite
clear at our earlier meeting.

You are the victor.

Take your spoils and go.

Uh, you're not listening, dear.

Uh, he wants you.

It's too late now.

How would you like a
shot right in the biscuit?!

Corporal! As you were, Marine!

You, open up!

Your Marine
tactics don't... Now!

You, in there!

But I don't... Move it! Move it!

Move it!

All right, now hear
this, and hear it good!

You, Private, over there!

But I don't... On the double!

On the double! On the double!

And you, Miss
Poovie... join him.

But you can't...
Secure the chatter!

Move it, move it,
move it, move it.

Al right.

At ease. Both of you.

If you two don't know how

to square away
this foul-up, I do.

You, Private!

You will put your
arm around her,

and that's an order.

And you will put your
head on his shoulder.

Get with it!

And keep it there!

Carry on.

My, she certainly
is forceful, isn't she?

That's exactly what I been
trying to tell you, Lou-Ann.

You know something, Gomer?

I'm glad she's forceful.

Me, too, Lou-Ann. Me, too.

Hey! Hi, Gomer.

Sure is nice to see you again,

and I want to thank you
for what you did last night.

Oh, it was nothing.

Oh, it was plenty.

Lou-Ann understands
everything now

and things are fine between us.

Fact is, I was
just talking to her

and she and I'd like to take
you out to dinner tonight.

Oh, that's real sweet, Gomer,

but why don't you two
go along and have fun?

Well, maybe some
other time, then, huh?


Well, I've gotta rush
on back to the barracks.

I'll see you.

Okay, Gomer.

Oh! Oh!

Let me go, you knuckleheads!

I can take care of myself!


Thank you!

I don't know what
came over... oh!

Thanks so much.

Uh, could I have a
little water, please?

I declare, it's so nice of
a big, strong fella like you

to take care of a
itty-bitty girl like me.

Oh, what a muscle!

Oh, thank you.