Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 27 - Gomer and the Night Club Comic - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

(clapping continues)

(indistinct conversations)

Thank you.

I usually wind up my show
with a community sing,

where everybody in the
audience gets together

and sings along with me.

See, my name's Jerry Ball

and in community sing they
always have a bouncing ball.

(laughs)

Well, what do
you say we start off

with one that everybody knows?

An old favorite, um, "Row,
Row, Row Your Boat."

Everybody knows
that. How 'bout that?

(strums banjo)
I'll tell you what.

Let's divide the audience
up into three groups.

Three groups and
we'll have a contest.

One group here
and here's two group

and here's number three group.

Now the first group starts with

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

And when they say
"boat," second group says

♪ Row, row, row your boat. ♪

But you keep singing ♪
Gently down the stream. ♪

And then when they
say "boat," the third group

comes in with ♪ Row,
row, row your boat. ♪

Then we'll have a
whole chorus there.

Okay, let's try it.

(strumming)

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Row, row, row your,
gently down the stream ♪

♪ Row... ♪

First group error...

If you don't come in, start it
with "row, row, row your boat,"

then the second group won't
know where to come in there.

So let's try it... let's try
it real loud, everybody.

(strums banjo)

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Row, row, gently
down the stream ♪

♪ Row, merrily... ♪

Uh... Let's do it once...

Let's try it once
more, everybody.

Now I'll tell you, I'll
give you a little count off.

(strumming)

♪ And row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Row, row, row your
boat gently down the ♪

♪ Row, row... ♪

Well, the...

That's, uh... I
guess that's about it

for the... for the show tonight.

Uh, we got another show
that comes on in, uh...

in 15 minutes and, uh...

and we'll see you then.

Thank you and see ya.

(jazz melody begins playing)

(song ends)

Mr. Ball?

Mr. Ball...

I don't know why those
people weren't singing with you,

'cause you were
wonderful. Just wonderful.

Why I could listen
to you all night.

You're not related
to me, are you?

I don't think so.

My name's Gomer
Pyle, I'm from Mayberry.

It's nice to know you, Gomer.

Thanks for the kind words.

And I meant every bit of them.

I don't know why those
people wouldn't sing with you,

but I'll tell you one thing:

I'm gonna be here
every evening I can.

Wish I could say the same.

Huh?

Well, after the
next show, that's it.

They canceled me.

Well, nice to have
met you, Gomer.

Thanks again.

But, Mr. Ball...
Excuse me, sir, but...

the sign outside says you're
gonna be here for two weeks.

Yeah, I know, but
the man inside said

I'm through after tonight.

I sure can't understand why.

I just love your banjo playing,

and you got a lot of nice songs.

Thank you.

Well, he's got a
business to run here

and I just haven't been
bringing in any customers.

It's no surprise, it's getting
to be the story of my life.

You mean it's
happened before? Yeah.

Yeah, ever since me
and my partner split up.

Miller and Ball, the
dynamite duo, that was us.

Then Miller left and
the dynamite fizzled into

a wet firecracker.

I don't know what it is,

as a single, I just
can't seem to cut it.

But you're good,
you're really good.

All you need's a
little time to prove it.

Well, it's not easy when you
get the hook after two nights.

But don't you have
an agreement with him

for the two whole weeks?

Yeah, but...

Well, then he ought to
make good on his promise.

A man's word is his bond.

And you ought to go
in there and tell him so.

I don't think I want to do that.

But, Mr. Ball, you
deserve a chance.

Just call me Jerry, Gomer.

I'm not used to respect.

But you should be respected.

Why, you've got a lot of talent.

Are you sure
you're not a relative?

Tha-Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I, uh... I usually end my
act with a community sing

where everybody joins in.

See, in a community sing,
they have a bouncing, uh, ball.

But I guess you're
all a little tired,

so I'll, uh... I'll just
say good night.

PYLE: Wait a minute!

We ain't tired. We'd all
like a community sing.

Wouldn't we, everybody?

There ain't nothing like
singing to get folks friendly.

So you just get it started,

Jerry, and we'll
join right in with you.

Thank you, but I don't think

they're in the
mood for it, really.

I guess I just...
Oh, sure they are.

You just get started
and watch us.

Okay.

Here's one I'm sure
everybody knows.

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

(Pyle singing along):
♪ Well, hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

Come on, sing. I know you can.

♪ Looking swell... ♪
You, too!

(others joining in): ♪
Dolly, I can tell, Dolly ♪

That's good, come on.

Hey, you, folks, come on, sing.

♪ You're still going strong ♪
That's good!

♪ We feel the room swaying
♪ See there, you sing real good.

♪ 'Cause the band's playing ♪

♪ One of our old favorite
songs from way back when ♪

Come on, now, you're
not gonna let lady

sing more than you are, are you?

Come on, they're singing
louder than you are.

Come on.

♪ Dolly will never
go away again ♪

You, too, come on, let's sing.

♪ Hello, Dolly, well... ♪

See there, you got a good voice.

You, too, come on.

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

Yeah, that's it!

♪ You're looking swell, Dolly ♪
Yeah, that's good.

Come on, you all
aren't singing. Come on.

♪ Dolly, you're still
glowing, you're still crowing ♪

That's good!

Just a minute, something's
going on out there.

I'll call you back.

♪ 'Cause the band's playing ♪

♪ One of our old favorite songs
from way back when ♪ You gotta sing!

(singing continues)

What's happening?

♪ Golly gee, fellas ♪

♪ Find her an
empty knee, fellas ♪

♪ Dolly will never
go away again. ♪

Yay!

(applause) One more time!

One more time! Come on!

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

PYLE: You know the words!

♪ You're looking
swell, Dolly... ♪

That was wonderful,
just wonderful!

Then it's all settled, you'll
finish out for two weeks.

Gosh, Mr. Randazzo,
that's great.

Thank you. Let me tell you,

I heard that joint jumping

like I've never heard it before.

I don't know how you guys
worked it out, but it was great.

I want the both of you here to
do the same thing every night.

I was sitting in the office

and I heard all that
sound... Uh, Mr. Randazzo,

the both of us?

That's right. The both of you.

Well, I...

I-I think there's been a
mistake, Mr. Randazzo.

You see, I just
happened to be out there

in the audience tonight.

Okay, so you just happen to be
in the audience tomorrow night

and the night after.

Hey, that's a great
gimmick... You up on the stage

and you working
down in the crowd.

Uh, Mr. Randazzo,

Gomer's a marine
not a performer.

I mean, he was nice enough
to help me through one show,

but I-I can't ask
him to come in here

and work every night.

And you really don't need it

'cause Mr. Ball here
is a star all by hisself.

All by himself he's a bomb.

The customers want
to see you together.

That's what I want to buy.

There's just no guarantee

Gomer could be here every night.

That's right.

I'm not always sure
I can get a pass.

Then you don't think
you can make it?

Well, I don't see how.

Me being a marine.

Well, that's too bad.

Sure wish you could
work something out.

Well, when you finish
tonight, kid, drop in,

I'll have your check ready.

Yes, sir.

Well, that's showbiz.

Well, I'm sorry, Jerry,

but I just couldn't
make a promise like that.

I don't... It's not your fault.

At least you made my
last show a good one.

Well, nice meeting you, Gomer.

Thanks for everything.

Who?

Rhoda and her swan?
Aw, come on, Norm.

What are you trying to do to me?

Mr. Randazzo, excuse me,

but please don't do anything

about replacing Mr. Ball yet.

I want to talk to my
sergeant and I'll let you know.

What do you want, Pyle?

Well, sir, as you know,

I've got the guard duty tonight,

but something real
important's come up,

and, well, private Hummel
said he'd take it for me.

That is, if it's
all right with you.

I don't know, Pyle.

I don't go for changing
the duty roster

unless it's a matter
of life and death.

It ain't military.

Well, in a way,

it-it is a matter
of life and death.

Huh? Oh, yes, sir.

You see, it's real important.

I've got this friend
I want to help out,

and it'd mean so much to him,

and, well, I sure would
appreciate it, Sergeant.

So can I, please?

All right, all right,
if it's that important.

Well, it is, and thank
you very much, Sergeant.

I just knew you'd understand.

He probably ran into some
poor sick guy somewhere

and he's gonna be up all night
feeding him hot chicken soup.

♪ You are my sunshine ♪

♪ My only sunshine ♪

♪ You make me happy ♪

♪ When skies are gray ♪

♪ You'll never know, dear ♪

♪ How much I love you ♪

♪ Please don't take
my sunshine away. ♪

(song ends, applause)

You're probably all wondering

why I have a
marine for a partner.

Well, I figure the way I sing,

I need all the
protection I can get.

(laughter)

Okay, Gomer, go out
there and let's get 'em going.

♪ You are my sunshine ♪

(audience singing along):
♪ My only sunshine ♪

♪ You make me happy ♪

♪ When skies are gray ♪

♪ You'll never know, dear ♪

♪ How much I love you... ♪

Hey, the joint's really
swinging tonight.

Yeah, sounds great.

I wonder... ♪ The
other night, dear ♪

♪ As I lay sleeping... ♪

This is what's a
matter of life and death?

♪ In my arms ♪

♪ When I awoke, dear... ♪

Sergeant?

Well, if it ain't Tony Bennett.

Pyle, the only reason

I didn't blast you last night

is because I don't believe

in discussing military
business around civilians.

But, Sergeant, if you just
give me a chance to explain...

Pyle, don't give me
that innocent routine.

I got you dead to rights.

I let you off guard duty

because you said
it was important.

I didn't let you off
to go around singing

in some honky-tonk nightclub.

Golly, Sergeant, I didn't know
I was doing anything wrong.

It is all right for us to work
on our own time, ain't it?

That's right,
moonlighting is allowed.

Marines are allowed
to earn extra money

by working in a gas station

or maybe as a
busboy... That's all right...

But not making a fool of
yourself in some nightclub.

And on top of all that,
Pyle, you lied to me.

But I didn't, Sergeant. And
you're going to pay for it, Pyle.

You're going to go
out to the back fence

and dig me a hole ten feet
square and six feet deep.

And when you're through,
you're going to fill it in

and then start a second one

and do the same thing,
and then a third one, and...

But, Sergeant... And if I ever catch
you singing in that nightclub again,

you're going to find yourself

digging up the entire
state of California.

Do you read me, Pyle?!

Yes, sir.

That's all! Dismissed!

Hey, Gomer!

Hey, Gomer!

Hiya, partner.

Hey, Jerry, what are
you doing way out here?

I was just getting
ready to go inside

and track you down.

In all the confusion last night

I didn't have a
chance to talk to you.

Hey, Gomer, did we kill
'em or did we kill 'em, huh?

Jerry...

Gomer, in case I
didn't tell you, thanks.

Thanks for everything.

Boy, it's like having a
whole new lease on life.

Jerry, I was just talking
with my sergeant...

You know, Sergeant Carter...

Sergeant Carter? Oh,
I'm grateful to him, too.

After all, he's the
one that let you do it,

so thanks to him, too.

Well... I'll tell you, Gomer,
the main reason I came out

was to show you some new
songs for the show tonight.

I mean, after all, we can't keep
doing the same songs every show.

So I'll tell you, Gomer,
you look them over

and we'll decide tonight.

Who knows, when you
get out of the marines,

we may get together
a permanent act, huh?

Hey, let's talk about that.

Well, I'll see you.

Hey, Gomer, thanks again.

Yeah?

Sergeant, I finished
filling and digging

and, well, I just wondered if
you wanted me to do any more?

No, that's enough. I
think you get the message.

Get washed up.

Sergeant, I want
to apologize to you

for not checking with you

before I went to
work in that nightclub.

But I didn't lie to you, honest.

I was there to help a friend.

Jerry Ball, the banjo player,

he just split up
with his partner

and, well, he was
still kind of unsure

of working by hisself, and,
well, my singing along with him

kind of gave him confidence

and, well, that's the only
reason I was there, honest.

Okay, you did a
good turn. You happy?

Sergeant... What now, Pyle?

Well, Jerry's only got
another week and a half

in working in the
Green Room there,

and I was just wondering, what
with your permission and all...

Are you kidding? Are
you going to ask me

what I think you're
going to ask me?

No! Now get out of here!

But, Sergeant, it
wouldn't be for very long.

Just long enough for Jerry
to start believing in himself.

No, Pyle.

You are a marine,
not a performer.

Now forget it.

But he's good,
Sergeant, he's really good.

Only he don't know it.

You know your trouble, Pyle?

You are a compulsive meddler.

You think everybody
needs your help.

Well, they don't.

They'd all survive without you,

and maybe a lot better.

That may be true,
Sergeant, but in Jerry's case

I think he really
needs somebody.

You never help a guy by
becoming a crutch for him.

Where do you think
you guys would be

if every time one of
you fouled up a job,

I came running over
and started helping out?

You'd be helpless.

You made it on your own.

That's what this banjo
player's got to do.

But in Jerry's case...

And if I ever catch you

so much as singing one
note in that club again,

you'll be an old man before
you set foot off this base,

do you read me, Pyle?

Yes, sir.

Hit the showers.

Maybe you'll wash some of
them rocks out of your head.

There he is. There he is.

Hey, come on, Gomer, boy.

Come on, we've
been waiting for you.

Hey. (drumroll, rimshot)

Ladies and
gentlemen, Jerry Ball.

(applause) (band
playing lively tune)

Thank you.

♪ Hello, sunshine,
good-bye, rain ♪

♪ I got my baby back again ♪

♪ No more troubles, not for me ♪

♪ Baby loves me, yes, sirree ♪

♪ Hello, roses, hello, dew ♪

♪ Hello, bluebird,
how are you? ♪

♪ Hear me singing
down the lane ♪

♪ Hello, sunshine,
good-bye, rain. ♪

(applause)

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening, and
welcome to the Green Room.

You know, at the end of my show
I always have a community sing.

But I can tell by
looking at you folks

that you're ready right now.

So what do you
say, let's get started.

Could I have the
houselights please.

You ready, partner?

Okay, here we...

Okay, I know you
all know this one.

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

(audience singing
along): ♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

♪ You're looking swell, Dolly ♪

♪ I can tell, Dolly ♪

♪ You're still glowing... ♪

Don't you know the words?

♪ Going strong ♪

♪ I see the room swaying... ♪

Come on, you're not
going to let that table

sing louder than
you, are you? Louder.

♪ One of your old favorite
songs from way back when ♪

♪ So... ♪

♪ Take her wrap, fellas ♪

♪ Find her an
empty lap, fellas ♪

♪ Dolly will never
go away again ♪

Everybody, louder.

AUDIENCE: ♪
Well, hello, Dolly... ♪

♪ Oh, hello, Dolly ♪
Oh, excuse me.

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

Everybody, come on.

♪ You're looking swell, Dolly ♪
I can't hear you.

♪ I can tell, Dolly ♪
Oh, I can hear you.

♪ You're still glowing
you're still crowing ♪

♪ You're still going strong ♪
Everybody, come on.

♪ I feel the room swaying ♪
Come on, Bill, sing, I can't hear you.

♪ 'Cause the band's playing ♪

♪ One of your old favorite
songs from way back when ♪

♪ So take her wrap, fellas... ♪
Everybody!

Gomer, where were you?!

I was out in the audience.

No, you weren't.
Your table was empty.

Well, I was in the
back watching you.

What did you do that for?

You left me all alone
up there on the stage.

That's right, and you
didn't even need me.

What are you talking
about? You heard Randazzo...

Without you in the act...
All Mr. Randazzo wanted

was a crowd-pleasing
show, Jerry.

And you had that audience
eating out of your hand.

They were singing
and laughing. What?

They loved you.

And you got a real fine
hand when you finished.

And it was all for Jerry
Ball, working by hisself.

You've gotten so used

to somebody else
doing it for you,

that, well, you didn't even
know you could do it yourself.

But, boy, was you doing it.

And do you know
who's responsible?

Sergeant Carter.

Sergeant Carter?

He was the one that told me

that I was being a crutch to you

more than anything else.

And it all worked out
just like he said it would.

And you did it, Jerry.

And you did it all alone.

They were applauding,
weren't they?

Boy, they sure were.

(chuckles)

Son of a gun.

But, Sarge, Pyle would
never sing in here again.

Not after you
ordered him not to.

You're forgetting one thing:

Pyle has got a soft heart

and a soft head to
match... it's a set...

And that might just
bring him back here.

And if I catch him...

Hey, Sergeant, Corporal.

Boyle, get the MPs.

The MPs?

You heard me, get moving.

Pyle, I gave you orders
not to sing here again.

Oh, no, Sergeant, I didn't
come here to sing or nothing.

Cross my heart.

I just came here to try
the things you told me

about me not being a crutch.

I didn't sing a note.

Out, Pyle, let's go.
But... Hiya, fellas.

Don't tell me, I bet this
is Sergeant Carter, right?

Uh-huh.

Sergeant, this is Jerry Ball,

the banjo player I
was telling you about.

Sergeant, I want to tell you

it is a real pleasure
to meet you.

Gomer tells me I have you to thank
for everything that happened tonight.

I don't mind telling
you, I was plenty scared

when I looked out and
he wasn't sitting there.

And then when I
didn't hear him singing,

well, it threw me.

You mean he didn't sing tonight?

No, that's just it.
And I was scared.

But then he told
me what you said

about not helping me,
and, well, you were right.

It worked.

I went on by myself
and it worked.

You sure know
about human nature.

No, I mean it.

It's a real talent being
able to handle people.

But I guess that's just part
of being a sergeant, huh?

You know, when you get out

of the service, you ought
to go into show business.

A fella like you could
go real far as a manager.

You know, handling show
people just like you do marines.

I bet you'd really be
good at it, Sergeant.

Here they are, Sarge.

Huh? Who?

The MPs for Pyle.

What's the matter
with you, Boyle?

There ain't nothing here
I can't handle myself.

But you said... Never
mind what I said.

Send them away.

A theatrical manager, huh?

Now whatever put an idea
like that into your head?

Well, you certainly have
all the qualifications...

Leadership, you're
intelligent, you're authoritative...

You're understanding.

You're shrewd.

You're honest.

You're personable.
You're thoughtful.

I'm modest. You're modest.

You're imaginative.

You're clean.

♪ I dreamt I held
you in my arms ♪

♪ When I awoke,
dear, I was mistaken ♪

♪ So I hung my
head, and I cried... ♪

He's not bad, you know.

He's doing real good now.

Mr. Randazzo just
give him a raise.

Do you know he's
making $250 a week now?

No kidding.

Hey, that's great.

Sergeant, do you think you
might do what Jerry said?

Huh? What's that?

Become a manager someday.

Aw, that... Well, who knows.

It sounds like a
real good business.

Why, if you was to
be Jerry's manager,

you'd get a percent of
everything that he makes.

I know that, Pyle. A
manager gets ten percent.

Let's see... ten
percent of $250...

that's uh, $25.

I'd only get $25 and he'd
get $225 just for singing?

♪ You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine ♪

♪ You make me happy... ♪