Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 19 - A Dog Is a Dog Is a Dog - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

You're sure you
don't have any plans

for the weekend, Sergeant?

My wife and I certainly

don't want to impose on you.

Oh, no, sir. I have
no plans at all.

At least no important ones.

I'll be glad to take care

of the dog for
you, sir. Absolutely.



Well, we certainly
appreciate it, Sergeant.

The last time we went away
we left Princie in a kennel,

and do you know that
poor boy didn't eat at all?

I don't believe
he slept, either.

He came home with big
dark circles under his eyes.

Well, I'm sure Sergeant
Carter will take good care of him.

Oh, yes, sir.

You can be sure of that.

You and Mrs. Gray
just go up to the lake

and have a nice time.

And don't worry
about the dog at all.

He'll be in good hands.

His food is in here, Sergeant.

All you have to do is
feed him once a day,



see he has water and, uh,

take him for a walk
once in a while.

Yes, sir, I'll
certainly do that.

All right, Sergeant,
you can take him now.

We should be home
tomorrow night about 7:00.

Fine, sir. I'll bring him
back about that time.

Oh, if you have any problems,

just call us at the lake.

I wrote the number
on the bag. Yes, sir.

Oh, don't worry, Sergeant,

when he growls, that's just his
way of saying he wants to play.

Oh, well, uh,

I'm glad you
mentioned that, ma'am.

Now, take good care of him.

He's such a darling animal.

Don't worry,
ma'am, he'll be fine.

Come on, Princie. Come on.

Bunny? Vince.

Listen, I hate to tell you this,

but I just blew our
whole weekend.

Well, the colonel went up
to Cedar Lake for two days

and he asked me to
take care of his dog.

Well, what could I say?

Hey, Sergeant. Oh, excuse me.

How can we take him with us?

That's ridiculous!

Hiya, Prince!

Where did you come from, boy?

We can't take
him to a restaurant.

We can't take him dancing.
We can't take him to a movie.

You remember me? I'm Gomer.

Why, sure you remember
me, you son of a gun, you.

How can I get somebody else?

Who would stupid enough to
give up a whole weekend just...

Bunny? I think I
just got an idea.

I'll call you back.

If it works out, I'll pick
you up later this afternoon.

The Colonel's dog, you know.

I know. I know Prince.

You like him, huh, Pyle?

Oh, yeah.

He's one of the nicest
dogs I've ever known.

What's he doing
over here, Sergeant?

Oh, well, the
colonel and his wife

went up to Cedar
Lake for the weekend

and they're letting me
take care of the dog

for them while they're gone.

Well, for goodness sakes,

ain't you the lucky one, though.

Hey! Seeing as how
you're so fond of Prince,

I might let you help
me take care of him,

part of the time.

Do you really mean it, Sergeant?

Yeah. To begin with, I'll
let you take care of him

this afternoon and
tonight, and if it works out,

I might even let you
have him some tomorrow.

Well, gee, Sergeant,

I don't know how I'll
ever be able to thank you.

Forget it.

Listen, why don't you take him

for a little walk right now?

Oh, fine. We'd love
that, wouldn't we, Prince?

Come on, big fella.

Let's go for a walk.

Come on, now.

Sergeant Carter?

Oh, you're back, Pyle.

How's the dog?

Well... to tell you
the truth, Sergeant,

I don't know.

What do you mean,
you don't know?

Pyle, don't tell me you let
him get away from you?!

Uh-huh, just as
soon as we left here

a little old cat came
out from behind a tree...

But that was three hours ago!

Why didn't you come
back and tell me right away?

Do you think he went
back to the Colonel's house?

No, I was just over there
right before I came back here

and he wasn't
there. Oh, Pyle, you...

Company B, Sergeant Carter.

Hello, Colonel.

I just thought
I'd call, Sergeant,

and see how everything was.

Um... how is everything?

Why, uh, why, fine, sir, fine.

Couldn't be better.

No, sir.

Mm-hmm, and, uh, how's the dog?

The dog? Prince?

Oh, he's, uh, fine,
too, sir, I guess.

You guess? What do
you mean, you don't know?

Oh, no, sir.

I mean, I believe he's fine.

I mean, there's no
reason he shouldn't be.

Mm-hmm, just a moment, Sergeant.

I'd like you to hear something.

What's that, sir?

That, Sergeant,
is the sound a dog

who's just run 23 miles.

You mean, that's Prince?

You mean, he's
up there with you?

Oh, that's wonderful, sir!

I mean, I'm glad to
know that he's safe.

Yes, he just arrived
a few minutes ago.

He must have
gotten away from you

quite soon after we left.

Well, yes, sir, he did.

But we'll be right up
there to get him, Colonel.

Thank you, sir.

Pyle, I'm going to give
you another chance

for two reasons:

one, because every man
deserves a second chance,

and two, because I
got a date with Bunny.

You think you can hold on
to him this time, Sergeant?

Oh, I'm sure of it, sir.

I mean, a thing like
that can happen once,

but it certainly
can't happen again.

Well, I certainly hope not.

Why, when I saw the
bottoms of his feet, I cried.

I actually cried.

Well, all I can say is

it won't happen again, ma'am.

You know, Sergeant,
actually, there's no need

of you taking Prince
back with you again.

As long as he's here,
he might as well stay.

Perhaps that would be
better for all concerned.

Well, if you'll excuse
me for saying so, Colonel,

I don't think that's right.

I mean, if two marines like
Sergeant Carter and myself

can't handle
one little, old dog,

what's the Marine
Corps coming to?

Well, that's a
fine attitude, Pyle.

All right, if you feel
that strongly about it,

take Prince, and, uh,

I hope you have better
luck with him this time.

Thank you very much, sir.

And we'll certainly do our best.

Come on, Prince.

Come on, Pyle.

Be sure he has plenty of water.

He was completely exhausted

and he's probably
still terribly dry.

Yes, ma'am, we'll
take care of it.

Come on, Pyle.

All right, Pyle.

Come on, bring him in.

Now, I want you to stay

right here in this duty hut,

and keep your eye
on him every second.

I mean, I don't want
either one of you

to stick his nose outside
that door, do you understand?

Yes, sir, Sergeant.

I'll watch him like a hawk.

I'll even hold onto
his leash the whole...

Pyle!

Where's the dog?!

Don't tell me you
lost him again?

Prince? Prince?

Prince? Here, Prince!

Prince? Prince?

Here, Prince! Prince? Prince?

Prince? Here, Prince!

Prince?!

Prince? Here, Prince!

Prince? Here, Prince! Prince?

Here, Prince!

Prince, here, boy!

Prince? Prince?

Hey, did you fellas see a... oh!

Here, Prince!

Here, Prince! Here, Prince!

Here, Prince! Here, Prince!

Prince!

Here, Prince! Here, Prince!

Prince!

Here, Princie! Here, Princie!

Prince? Here, Prince!

Princie?

Aw, shut up!

Prince?

Here, Prince!

Princie?

Here, Prince!

That's right, Pyle.

I'm going to call the Colonel.

But what are you going
to say? I don't know.

I just want to
find out if that dog

ran all the way up there again.

Hello?

Colonel Gray?

Yes, who's this?

Sergeant Carter.

Is that you breathing
like that, sir?

Yes, I just ran
up from the lake.

Oh, I see.

Uh... What's the
matter, Sergeant?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Just wondering if
everything's okay up there.

Everything's all right here.

How's everything there?

Oh, fine, fine.

You and the Missus getting along

all right up there, all alone?

Yes, of course we miss the dog.

I'll bet you do.

The dog ain't there.

You sure everything's all
right down there, Sergeant?

You, uh, you didn't lose
the dog again, did you?

Oh, no, sir. I just
called to tell you

that everything's
okay down here.

Well, that's very nice of
you, Sergeant, thank you.

Take care of Prince
and have a nice weekend.

We'll see you tomorrow night.

You, too.

Bye, sir.

Well, at least we
know one thing.

We know the dog ain't up there.

What are we going
to do now, Sergeant?

What do you mean, what
are we going to do now?

We've got 24 hours
to find that dog!

Look, fella... Shut
up! Quiet down!

Look, it's a German
Shepherd, about this high.

German Shepherd?

We have one, see,
over in the corner.

He sure looks an
awful lot like Prince.

Yeah.

When did this dog come in here?

Well, he was here when I came
on duty about 15 minutes ago,

so he must've come
in sometime before that.

Call him, Pyle.

See if he comes over to you.

All right. Here, Prince!

He came, Sergeant.

So did every other
mutt in the place.

Say, can you bring that
dog out here for a minute?

Certainly.

Oh, Sergeant, this is Prince.

Yeah? Are you sure?

Oh, I'm positive.

This is him, all right.

Did you see how
he came right to me?

Yeah, I did.

Are you sure it's him, Pyle?

Oh, I'm just as sure
as I can be, Sergeant.

Hey, that's great.
Are we lucky, huh?

Say, how do you go about
getting this dog out of here?

Well, you'll have
to buy a license

and that's three dollars.

Okay, okay.

You put the leash on him, Pyle.

Come on, fella.

Gee, boy, it's sure good
to have you back again.

You old rascal, you!

Why'd you run away anyway, huh?

Now, you're positive
this is Prince, Pyle?

Why, sure I am, Sergeant.

You mean you
don't recognize him?

Well, yes and no.

One German Shepherd looks
pretty much like another to me.

Well, they sure don't to me.

Dogs are different,
the same as humans.

Some got a mean look, some sly

and some got a happy
look like Prince here.

Yeah? Oh, sure.

I can tell this is him just by
the expression on his face.

That funny little way he laughs.

Laughs?

You know when he
sticks his tongue out

and tilts his head, and
looks at you kind of sideways.

Yeah, well, just so
long as you're sure.

Because I'll tell
you frankly, Pyle,

there's one thing that
absolutely cannot happen.

That's for me to take the
wrong dog to the Colonel.

Oh, my gosh!

That's probably Bunny!

I forgot to call her.

Company B, Sergeant Carter.

Who?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We did call in and
report a missing dog.

Yeah, but we already found him.

Yeah?

Well, uh, look, um...

maybe you better give
me that name and address

just to be sure.

Uh-huh, 413 East 7th Street.

Okay. Thanks a lot.

That was the radio station.

I called them before
we went to the pound.

Told them to announce
a missing dog.

Well, somebody just
called and claims he found

a German Shepherd that
fits our description exactly

and answers to
the name of Prince.

Well, ain't that funny?

I don't think it's funny, Pyle.

What if this guy's
really got Prince?

Well, I'm almost
positive that this is Prince.

What?

Almost?

Pyle, I can't bring
the colonel a dog

that's almost Prince.

Now is he or isn't he?

Well, he is.

I-I'm sure he is.

It's just that,

that, well, when
he stands like that,

I've never seen him
quite hold his tail like that.

But a minute ago
you said... Oh, all right,

we may as well get over
and see this other dog.

I guess we'd better.

Come on.

And this time,

we're gonna lock the
door so that Prince

or whoever he is, can't get out.

Come on.

Kinda crummy.

Well, if Prince really
is here, Sergeant,

how'd he get way over
in this part of town?

Well, he ran all the way
to Cedar Lake, didn't he?

What is this?

That was four, there's five,

here's seven, and that's nine.

Where's six?

Oh, this is six, Sergeant.

It's just upside down. Huh?

This is six.

Oh.

Well, good, uh, knock, Pyle.

Yeah?

Uh, we came about
the dog you found.

What dog? Prince.

Wait a minute, what
do you mean what dog?

You called the radio station
and said you found a dog.

I find a lot of dogs.

Well, this was a
German Shepherd.

German Shepherd, huh?

Wait a second.

This is a kinda funny
setup, you know, Pyle?

You mean him being lucky enough

to find so many of
them lost dogs? Yeah.

Is this him?

Why... Oh, my
goodness, Sergeant!

This is him! This
really is Prince!

Oh, my goodness.

Hey, Prince. Hi, big fellow.

Boy, my, goodness,
it's good to see you!

You mean this
really is Prince, Pyle?

Oh, yes, Sergeant.

I'm sure of it this time.

This is certainly Prince.

And no mistake.

It's your dog, huh?

Well, yeah, I guess it is.

Uh, thanks, mister.

We really appreciate
you finding him.

Come on, Pyle.

Take the dog and let's go.

Wait a minute.

Where's the reward?

Reward?

We didn't advertise no reward.

You got to be kidding.

There's always a reward on dogs.

Especially a nice one like this.

I figure the reward
on this one is, uh,

15 bucks.

15 bucks?!

Yeah, that's cheap.

You know, finding
dogs is a lotta trouble.

I mean, my time's gotta
be worth something, ain't it?

Same as anybody else's.

Pyle, are you
absolutely positive

that this dog is Prince?

Oh, I'm absolutely
sure, Sergeant.

This certainly is
Prince. Ain't you, Prince?

Well, I guess there's
nothing else I can do.

Oh?

Five... ten... fifteen.

Ah, you're lucky that one of my
associates didn't find your dog.

It would have cost you 25 bucks.

Yeah, and, hey,

I'm throwing in that
piece of rope for nothing.

Ah, shut up!

Okay, Pyle, which
one, which one it is?

Well, I don't know, Sergeant.

Now I'm all mixed up.

They both look like Prince,

and they both act like Prince.

Are you trying to tell me

that we got two
dogs that are Prince?

That ran away as one
dog and came back twins?

Oh, no, Sergeant.

It's just that they both
look so much alike

it's impossible
to tell them apart.

Well, tell me this,

one of them dogs is
definitely the right dog.

One of 'em is definitely,
Prince, right, Pyle?

Oh, sure, Sergeant.

At least one of them is.

But which one?

In less than 24 hours,

the Colonel will be back
home and want to see his dog.

I can't bring him two dogs,

or even one that ain't his.

I've got an idea.

Yeah?

Why don't I go out
back about 20 yards

and you hold the door open,

and then I'll yell, "Prince,"

and we'll see which one comes.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

That might just work.

I'll hold the two dogs in here

till you get outside and yell.

Right, Sergeant. Here I go.

Okay, fellas, easy now.

Easy, around this way, fellas.

Easy.

17, 18, 19, 20.

Okay, Sergeant,
I'm going to yell now!

Can you hear me?!

I can hear you, Pyle!

Yell for the dog!

Here, Prince!

Pyle, they both ran out!

Three dogs?

Where did this
other one come from?

I don't know, Sergeant.

He just came up behind
me when I yelled "Prince."

Well, for goodness sakes!

Could this other dog be Prince?

Well, I don't know
which one it was

that even came up behind me.

They all look so much alike.

That's funny.

Very funny.

Now, we got three Prince's.

That's a riot!

Are you all right, Sergeant?

Oh, yeah, I'm, I'm fine.

If you're wondering
why I'm laughing,

I have to,

because marine
sergeants don't cry.

Look, Sergeant,
they must be home.

The station wagon's
in the driveway.

Yeah.

The only question is:
What do we do now?

Well, it seems to me
the only thing to do is

to tell the Colonel the truth.

I'm sure he'll be nice about it.

Oh, I'm sure he'll
be nice about it.

I can just hear him giving
me a nice hello every morning.

"Hello, there, Private Carter."

Oh, he wouldn't
do that, Sergeant.

After all, we have got Prince,

the only trouble is
we've got two extras.

But the Colonel can
settle that in just a minute.

No. Wait a second, Pyle.

Maybe I got a slim chance of
getting out of this whole thing,

if you'll help me, will ya?

Why, of course, Sergeant.
What do you want me to do?

All right, now, listen.

You go up to the
door and ring the bell.

When the Colonel
comes to the door,

you tell him you're
delivering the dog to him.

You understand?

Well, yes, Sergeant,

but where are you gonna be?

I'll be right here

behind these bushes
with the three dogs.

You see, when they
hear the Colonel's voice,

whichever one is
Prince, will run to him,

you get it?

Yeah, I see.

And that way,
we'll be home free.

I'll can sneak off with
the other two dogs

and the Colonel will
never know the difference.

It might just work, Sergeant.

It's gotta work.

We can't go marching
up there with three dogs.

We'll look like boobs.

Now, give me that dog.

Now go on up to the door.

I'll be behind the bushes.

Go on, go on.

Go!

Good evening, sir.

Oh, Private Pyle.

Uh, did you have a
nice weekend, sir?

Yes, it was very nice.

Oh.

I just wanted to be
sure that you was home.

Uh, would you like
to have your dog now?

Well, yes, as a
matter of fact, I would.

Well, uh...

well, he's right
back over here, sir.

If you wouldn't
mind calling him.

All right.

Here, Prince!

Here, Prince!

Ah... What's this?

Where did all these
dogs come from?

Why, why... Uh,
good evening, Colonel.

Oh, Sergeant Carter.

I guess you're wondering

what all these dogs
are doing here, sir.

Well, I can explain that, sir.

Well, the fact is, sir, um,

uh, this is what happened, um,

Prince here, uh, got
away from us again

and rather than
bother you with it,

Private Pyle and I
went out looking for him.

And, well, as you can see,

we came up with three dogs.

Of course, one of them
is Prince, right, Pyle?

Oh, yes, sir.

One of them is
definitely Prince.

I see.

Now, our only problem is,

sir, we don't know which one.

We're terribly
sorry about this, sir.

But if you would just
please pick out your dog,

then we'll take care
of the other two.

And please accept our apologies.

All right.

Who's that, sir?

This is Prince.

He showed up at the lake

about ten minutes after
you called the last time.

I tried to call you back,
but there was no answer.

Uh, we must have been
out looking at the time, sir.

It's just as well I
didn't reach you.

After losing him again,
you deserved to stew a little.

It's amazing.

You can handle a whole
platoon with the greatest of ease,

but taking care of one dog
seems to confuse you completely.

Good night, Sergeant.

Well, Mr. Dog Expert,

what have you got to say now?

You made me look like a
fool in front of the Colonel.

You're a knucklehead,
Pyle, a knucklehead.

When are you gonna
learn to do things right?

When? When?

He didn't mean that, fellas.

He didn't mean that at all.

How do you figure

this guy'll buy the
dogs off us, Pyle?

Well, he sells dogs.

So it only stands to
reason he buys 'em, too.

Yeah?

Well, you do all the talking

and I hope you're right,

because I'm out 15
bucks with this guy.

All right, Sergeant.

Yeah?

Hello there, sir.

You remember us?

We was the ones that
got the German Shepherd.

Yeah.

Uh, what's up?

Well, we've got three more now

and we was just wondering

if you might be
interested in having them.

Well, I might take 'em
off your hands for, uh,

five bucks a piece.

Five a piece?!

15 for all three?!

That's right.

It's a deal!

Give him the dogs, Pyle.

Okay, let's have the 15 bucks.

Oh, you got it all wrong, fella.

I said I'd take 'em
off your hands.

I don't pay you, you pay me.

What?!

That's ridiculous!

Yeah?

You know what these dogs eat?

Two pounds of dog food a day.

And I don't even know
when I'm gonna get rid of 'em.

But if you want
'em back, take 'em.

Well, no, we can't
take 'em back.

Where would we
keep 'em, Sergeant?

Okay. Okay.

This whole thing
has been a disaster.

This just makes it complete.

Here, here's your dough.

Man, hey, thanks.

Hey, you guys
wouldn't be interested

in any other pets, would you?

Like maybe a cute
monkey or a Polly Parrot?

A goldfish maybe?

No, no, nothing.

Just forget it. Okay.

Come on, get in there.

Ah, shut up!

You know what your
problem is, Pyle?

You've got a thing with animals.

You pick 'em up wherever you go.

They come to you
like you was a magnet.

What is it with you?

I don't know, Sergeant.

It's sure not my fault.

Well, I wish you would quit it,

because it always means trouble.

The minute you
get near an animal,

you're in deep trouble.

Well, I'm sorry, Sergeant.

I'll try and watch
it from now on.