Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 17 - Gomer, the Privileged Character - full transcript

Gomer (Jim Nabors) is ordered to sing again and wears himself out as he insists on pulling his own weight by doing his daily chores at night.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Oh, come in, Sergeant Carter.

At ease.

You know Lieutenant
Beasley from Special Services.

Yes, sir. How are you, sir?

Fine, Sergeant. Thank you.

We were just talking about
one of your men, Sergeant,

Private Gomer
Pyle and his singing

at the Navy Relief Show
back in Washington.

Yes, sir. He did
a fine job, sir.

That he did.

You know, Sergeant
Carter was in Washington

with Pyle when he did the show.

He was a great help.

Well, he always obeys me, sir.

I just ordered him to
be talented, and he was.

Yes, uh...

Well, we'd like
to take advantage

of Pyle's talents again.

As you may have heard,

we have a new
regimental commander

coming aboard next weekend.

So I understand, sir.

Well, he's an old
friend of mine, and, uh,

I'm having Lieutenant Beasley
here put together a show

as part of the
welcoming activities.

Oh, I see, sir.

And you would like Pyle to sing.

Sergeant, I don't mean
to sound disrespectful,

but I didn't join the
Marines to be a singer.

I just want be a Marine
type Marine, is all.

Look, Pyle, as long
as you're in the Corps,

you'll do as you're told.

Well, I know, Sergeant,

but I still wish I
didn't have to sing.

If they want you
to sing, you'll sing.

If they want you to
stand on your head,

you'll stand on your head.

Is that clear?

Well, yes, Sergeant.

But I still wish they'd
fine somebody else.

Pyle, I've got my orders,
now you've got yours.

But, Sergeant... Pyle!

I'll sing. Okay.


But, Sergeant,

if I have to go to all these
rehearsals, like you say,

ain't that gonna take
me away from my work?

Don't worry about it.

You mean you won't
mind me not being around

for all my details?

I'm a Marine, Pyle,

I've been taught
to make sacrifices.

Is there a Private
Pyle here, Sergeant?


I got orders from
lieutenant Beasley

to drive him over to the
rec hall for rehearsals.



Over here! On the double!

Yes, Sergeant?

They want you
at rehearsal, Pyle.

They sent a driver for you.

Right, Sergeant.

I'll be with you just as
soon as I finish the windows.

Now, Pyle! Now! Get in the jeep!

But I still got some streaks
and undone corners to get at.

Get in the jeep!

But, Sergeant, I just hate
to leave streaky windows...

And especially undone corners...

'cause if you leave 'em
undone long enough,

they get that
smudgy layer on 'em

that's real hard to get off,
even with a razor blade.

Get in the jeep!
Get in the jeep!

Yes, sir.


here you go finish
Pyle's work for him.

What are the rest of
you standing around for?!

Get back to work!

And you get in the jeep!

The corners, Joey.

Joey, the corners.

♪ ...to the sea. ♪

Very nice, Pyle; very nice.

Let's consider that one, huh?

Now, let's see.

How about "Stardust"?

That'd be a nice change of pace.

I don't know, Lieutenant.

I never have tried
singing that one.

Except once, back at the
junior high school prom,

and then I was just humming
along in a friend's ear.

Is that the only way you
can sing it, in a friend's ear?

Oh, no, sir.

Good. Let's try it, huh?

Excuse me, Lieutenant,

do you think we're gonna
get finished before dark?

I don't know. Why?

Well, I was hoping
I'd get back in time

to finish up some
undone window corners.

C'mon, Nelson! Left arm stiff!

Keep that left arm stiff!

That's better.

Okay, Pyle, on your way.

They want you at rehearsal.

Right in the middle of
practice, Sergeant? That's right.

Up. Up. Up. Up. Up. Up.


Sergeant? Hmm?

What do I do about my score?

I ain't finished.
Get in the jeep.

But I ain't finished,

so do I add my score next time

to my unfinished
score from this time,

or do I begin next time

from where I finished this time?

Get in the jeep, Pyle!

But Sergeant... Go!

Platoon halt!

Okay, Pyle.

Let's go. Rehearsal.

But Sergeant,
shouldn't I finish the hike

with the rest of the fellows?

It just don't seem fair.

Get in the jeep. But Sergeant,

how about if I run
double-time back to the base

instead of taking the jeep?

Huh? That way,

it'll make up for the rest
of the hike I'm missing.

Get in! Get in!

Well, Sergeant, I have
another suggestion...

Platoon double-time! March!

Hut, two, three, four,
hut, two, three, four,

hut, two, three, four,
hut, two, three, four,

hut, two, three, four...

Come in.


I hate disturbing
you this late at night,

but, well, have
you got a minute?

What is it?


can I get out of
this singing detail?

What?! I just feel

terrible being pulled
away from my regular work.

I keep remembering
what you once said,

about "Every man in the platoon
has gotta carry his own weight.

"And if one man drops out,

then the others got to
work that much harder."

Well, maybe I did say that,
but as things turned out,

this work that you're worried
about is not only getting done,

it's getting done a lot
better and a lot faster.

We're getting along
fine without you, Pyle.

Just fine.

What do you mean, Sergeant?

I mean that you can go to your
rehearsals with a clear mind.

In fact, to make
your mind real clear,

I'm excusing you from all
duty until the show is over.

Work details, guard
duty, weapons drill,

the works.

All you got to worry
about is your singing.

You got that?

Yes, sir.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'd like to get to bed.

Some of us have got
work to do in the morning.

Hey, Gome, how come
you're eating with the peasants?

Don't they have a
special mess for you?

I hear it's not
PFC Pyle anymore.

Now it's just plain PC
Pyle: "Privileged Character."

I wouldn't let that
bother me, Pyle.

They're just
envious, that's all.

I say anybody who
can beat the system,

more power to him.

But I ain't trying to beat
the system, Lester, honest.

And I don't want to be no
privileged character, either.

Oh, I understand.

But as long as it's happened,
take advantage of it.

There isn't one man
who wouldn't give

his right arm to
be in your place.

Well, right now, I
don't like my place.

To tell you the truth, Lester,

I just feel funny
about this whole thing.

Pyle, what are
you doing in line?

Well, I was just waiting
my turn to eat, Corporal.

Oh, you're not
supposed to be in line,

you have a rehearsal
this afternoon.

Clear the way up there!

All right, come on,
Pyle; come with me.

All right, come on,
we're coming through!

Up front, let's go.

Come on, Pyle, come on!

Excuse me, Lieutenant.

I just wanted to say good night,

and, well, I was just wondering

if you were gonna need
me for rehearsal tomorrow.

Well, of course, Pyle.

And every day till the
show is over. Why?

Oh. Nothing, sir.

Well, good night.

Pyle... Yes, sir?

You are anxious to do
the show, aren't you?

Oh, yes, sir.



Lester, wake up. It's me, Gomer.


What is it?


I'm sorry, Lester, but
this is real important.

You just got to tell
me what you did today.


You know, what
kind of work detail

the sergeant had you working on.

You woke me up for that?

A review of the day's events?

I'm sorry, Lester,

but you can go right back
to sleep after you tell me.

The sandpile.

We were removing
sand from the sandpile.

Wait, Lester, listen.

Did you finish all the work?

Huh? Did you finish?

Did you finish working
on the sandpile?

No, Pyle.

We didn't finish.


Good evening, sir.

What's going on here, Private?

Are you being
punished for something?

Oh, no, sir.

As a matter of fact, nobody
even knows I'm out here.

Oh, I see. You just
felt like shoveling sand

in the middle of the
night for the fun of it, huh?

Well, no, sir, not that either.

Actually, I'm doing it
for my conscience' sake.

Your conscience' sake?

I guess it just
don't take kindly

to me shirking my
duties all week long,

even though I've got permission.

Look, Private, I'm not
following you too well,

so why don't you just go
back to the barracks, huh?

Well, gosh, Lieutenant,
couldn't I just finish up?

I've only got about ten more...

Get moving, Private!

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, Lieutenant Beasley.

Well, no, sir, I didn't
know he was late.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'll find him right now.

Have you seen him?

Have you seen our prima donna?

All I know is he didn't
show up for roll call.

A nursemaid! That's
what I'm turning into,

a regular nursemaid!

Pyle, what's the
matter with you?

Don't you know you're
supposed to be at rehearsal?

You're supposed to get
down there to sing, Pyle! Sing!

♪ My destiny... ♪

Not here! Not here!

What's the matter with you?

I don't get it.

I don't know what you
got to be so tired about.

You're excused from all details.

And you sure can't get

too pooped just from singing.

Now you get over to the rec hall

as fast as your
feet will carry you.

You can dress on the way!

Move! Move! Move! Move!


Lester, Lester.

What? Wake up.

Who is it?

I got to talk to you.

You want to know
what we did today?

If you don't mind.

We were pruning the big
tree behind the duty hut.

Pruning the big tree and...

And we didn't finish the job.

Is that what you wanted to know?

Well, yeah.

Well, we didn't finish.

Thank you, Lester.

That's all I wanted to know.

Lester... Huh? Good night.



Huh? What is it, Sarge?

What is it?!

It's like in the cartoons!

That's what it is!

Huh? What are you
talking about, Sarge?

You're snoring!

You're really sawing
'em off tonight!

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize.

Yeah, well, knock
it off, will you?

Oh, my gosh, is
that you, Lieutenant?

All right, let's have it!

Name, outfit.

Private First Class Gomer Pyle,

Company B, Second Platoon.


have you been under any
kind of medical treatment lately,

like a doctor, a dentist?


No, sir. I feel
just fine, just fine.

That'll be all, Private.

Well, I sure am sorry about
that branch, Lieutenant.

I truly am.
Forget it, forget it.

And get out of the tree!

Yes, sir.

Company B. Corporal Boyle.

Oh, yes, sir.

It's Lieutenant Beasley.

File this.

Good morning, sir.

You mean he's not down there?

I'll get him for
you right away, sir.

This is getting to be too much.

You know that, Boyle?! Too much!

Phone calls every morning,
excusing him from duty.

Having to remind
him about rehearsals.

Sarge? What?!

Why don't you get
out of show business?

Okay, Pyle, up, up, up, up,
up, up, up, up, up, up, up!


What's that, Pyle?!

What is that?

Oh, hey, Sergeant.

What have they got you doing
now, playing a musical saw?

No, Sergeant. I'm still singing.

Oh, I see.

You just couldn't get the
piano into bed with you.

No, sir, it wasn't that, either.

Look, Pyle,

you think you can
sleep all you want

just because this week
you're Frank Sinatra.

Well, I got a hot flash for you.

I relieved you of all details,

but that don't mean you
don't have to get up on time.

Now, move! They're waiting
for you at dress rehearsal.

This is the day of the show.

Yes, sir.

Boy, for a guy who wanted
to be a Marine-type Marine,

you're sure playing a
good thing for all it's worth!

Okay, Pyle, you're on.



Wake up!

It's time for your number!

Good evening, sir.
At ease, Sergeant.

You have a man in your
platoon... A Private Gomer Pyle?

Yes, sir.

Tell me one thing, Sergeant.

Is this man being punished,
or is he plain off his rocker?

I don't understand, sir.

That man was
shoveling sand one night,

and sitting in a tree sawing
off branches the next night.

He was doing all this at night?

Now, what I want to know
is, is he being punished?

No, sir, but I think
I know the reason.

In fact, I'm sure I do.

Well, whatever it is, Sergeant,
you take care of it right away,

because I don't want to see
that man out at night again.

Yes, sir. It won't
happen again, sir.

The nut!

The loony bird!

Company B. Sergeant Carter.

Oh, yes, sir,
Lieutenant Beasley.

You mean he's not there yet?!

But ain't the show
starting pretty soon?

Don't worry, sir.

I'll get him there.

You had to try to
do everything, huh?

Mr. Please-the-Colonel
and Mr. Please-the-Sergeant.

So, instead of
doing one job good,

you did two jobs bad.

I told ya!

I told you that the
show had top priority

over everything else!

Now, look at you!

You lost two nights' sleep.

How are you going to
be able to sing, huh?

How are you going
stay awake to sing?!



Oh, hi, Sergeant.

I must have dropped off.

Well, come on!

They're waiting
for you at the show!

Where's your cap?




Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

Looks like one of your men's
been to the well, eh, Sergeant?

Do you think you
ought to take him in?

He's in no shape
to watch the show.

He ain't gonna watch it.

He's the star.

Well, now it's my pleasure

to introduce a young man
fresh from a personal triumph

from the Navy Relief
Show in Washington, D.C.,

Camp Henderson's
own singing private,

PFC Gomer Pyle!

♪ My desert is waiting ♪

♪ Dear, come there with me ♪

♪ I'm longing to teach you ♪

♪ Love's sweet melody ♪

♪ I'll sing a dream
song to you ♪

♪ Painting a picture for two ♪

♪ Blue heaven and you and I ♪

♪ And sand kissing
a moonlit sky ♪

♪ A desert breeze ♪

♪ Whispering a lullaby ♪

♪ Only stars above you ♪

♪ To see ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Oh, give me
that night divine ♪

♪ And let my arms ♪

♪ In yours entwine ♪

♪ The desert song ♪

♪ Calling ♪

♪ Its voice enthralling ♪

♪ Will make you ♪

♪ Mine. ♪

That was wonderful,
but is that it?

Isn't he going to
sing another song?

Well, he's supposed to.

We planned several.

Well, where is he?

Why isn't he coming
back on stage?

I-I don't know, sir.


What's wrong, Sergeant?


What's the matter with him?

Is he ill?

Well, not exactly, sir.

Tired is more like it.

That is, tired from
rehearsing all day,

and working like
a horse all night

to make up for the
details he was missing.

Pyle did that?

Yes, sir.

He knew he was excused,

but his conscience
wouldn't have any part of it.

Well, I guess that's that.

I certainly can't be upset

about a man being
that conscientious.


would you like to
hear another song?

From Pyle?

Is it possible?

I think so.

Excuse me one minute, sir.


Pyle! You're not
pulling your weight, Pyle.

Everybody else has done
an encore except you.

Maybe that's the
way you want it, huh?

You want other people
to do your work for you?

Somebody else is gonna
have to sing another song,

all because of
your goldbricking.

It's like I always said, Pyle,

"One man drops out,

everybody else has to
work that much harder."

Hey, Sarge, did you
give Pyle permission

to skip roll call this morning?

Of course not.

Ah, I thought because
of that show last night,

you let him off.

I did not. The show's
over, so it's back to work.

Where is he? Oh, he's sacked
out in his bunk snoring away.

Oh, he is, is he?

Well, we'll see about that.

Go on, Boyle. I'm
right behind you.

Company B. Sergeant Carter.

Oh, good morning, Colonel.

Sergeant, I just
wanted to tell you

how proud I was of
Private Pyle last night.

He really was a standout.

Yes, sir, he did very well.

And, Sergeant, I
also wanted to tell you

how proud I am of you, too.


Well, that explanation
of why Pyle was so tired...

Because he was trying
to do his normal duties

along with the extra
ones for the show...

That reflects on you, Sergeant.

Well, thank you, sir.

It means you've done
an outstanding job

to instill that kind
of conscientiousness

in one of your men.

Good work, Sergeant.

Well, thank you again, sir.

Thank you very much.


All right, come on,
Pyle. You're not excused

from anything this
morning. Now on your feet!

Hold it, Boyle!

What is the matter with you?

But Sarge...?

Don't you know a tired
Marine when you see one?

But Sarge, you
told me that he...

Boyle, hold it down, will you?

Can't you see there's a
man trying to sleep here?