Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 16 - Gomer, the Good Samaritan - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

What's the matter, Sarge?

I don't believe it.

I just don't believe it.

What don't you believe?

I just came from
Colonel Gray's office.

He says that General
Prescott's up in Los Angeles

for a staff conference
and, right afterwards,

he's due back here at the
base for a general inspection.


So he wants a
man from our outfit

to pick him up
and bring him here.


Guess which man
the colonel wants.

He wants...

Pyle. He's the best
man for the job.

Pyle, sir?

You want Pyle to
drive a general?


According to his
motor pool record,

he has one of the top
driver ratings on the base.

But I've got lots
of drivers, sir.

Truck drivers, a bus driver,
a cabbie from New York...

But they don't have
Pyle's mechanical aptitude.

According to this
report, Sergeant,

he scored 95 out of a
possible hundred points

on the Vehicle Repair Test.

If they had some minor
breakdown on the road,

Pyle would be more
than able to handle it.

Yes, sir, but...

And I'm most impressed
with his record for punctuality.

Now, that's very important
with General Prescott.

His nickname is
"Punctual Pete," you know.

Now, the general's staying
at the Chancellor Hotel

on Wilshire Boulevard.

Pyle is to pick him up at
exactly 1500 this afternoon.

Okay, now remember,
Pyle, I'm General Prescott

and you're waiting out in
front of the hotel to pick me up.

Got you, Sergeant.

I mean, General.

Okay, now, let's try it.

This is the staff car.

Good afternoon, General.

I'm your driver, Private
First Class Gomer Pyle.

By the way, how
was your meeting?

What do you mean
how was my meeting?

That's none of your business.

After you salute, just
open the door and let me in.

Yes, sir.

Just open the door.

What are you doing now, Pyle?

Well, I was just
dusting off the seat.

Dusting?! You should've
done that before you started out.

Yes, sir.

All right, now I'm sitting in the
back and you're driving... drive!

Yes, sir, Sergeant...
I mean, General.

How's the family, General?

Pyle, what was that?

I was just asking the
general how his family was,

you know, to make
him feel at home.

You don't ask the
general nothing!

You just drive. You got that?

Yes, sir.

Now, look, I want
you to understand

the importance of this mission.

For two whole hours,

all the way from L.A.
back to Camp Henderson,

the welfare of a United
States Marine Corps general

will be in your
hands, Gomer Pyle.

That's a frightening thought.

I know it's a big
responsibility, Sergeant.

Believe me, I won't
let you down, either.

Is there anything I can get for
you, while I'm up there in L.A.?

Just the general, Pyle; just
come back with the general.

Now, do you know
how to get to L.A.?

Well, I think I know.

You don't think, Pyle;
you gotta be sure.

This is like any other
mission... you gotta plan it.

Yes, sir.

Now pay close attention.

This is Camp Henderson,
and this is downtown L.A.

It's hard to believe,
ain't it, Sergeant?


All them dots stands
for cities and towns

with people in 'em...

People just like you and me,

having their ups
and their downs,

their good times and their bad.

Happiness one day,
heartache the next...

Pyle, will you knock it off?!

I'm trying to show
you how to get to L.A.

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

All right, now...

stay on the Santa Ana Freeway

till you get to
the Civic Center,

then take the Harbor Freeway

and get off at
Wilshire Boulevard

and you're there.

Seems real simple. All right,

get the staff car, get it
gassed up and take off.

But, Sergeant, we just
finished morning chow.

I don't have to
pick up the general

till this afternoon at 3:00.

That's more than
seven hours away.

That's right.

Because you're not
meeting just General Prescott,

you're meeting
"Punctual Pete" Prescott.

You got that?

Punctual. Always on time.

Golly, Sergeant, it only takes
two hours to drive up to L.A.

That means I have
five hours to wait.

It never hurts to be early.

Give me your finger.

My finger?!

Yeah, we might
as well make sure.

Santa Ana Freeway
to Civic Center.

Santa Ana Freeway
to Civic Center.

Take the Harbor Freeway...

Take the Harbor Freeway...

get off at Wilshire Boulevard.

Get off at Wilshire Boulevard.

Okay, now let's take
it again from the top.

Okay, now let's take
it again from the top.

Hey, ma'am.

You having some trouble?

Oh, yes, I'm afraid so.

I was driving along and, all of
a sudden, the car went dead.

I tried starting it again,
but nothing happens.

Well, you got plenty of
gas, you can see that.

I know.

I had it filled when I had
the car washed yesterday.

With 15 gallons,
you get a free wash.

Well, ain't that nice.

It's Hilly's Car Wash
on Olympic Boulevard.

They do a nice, clean job.

Well, thank you, ma'am.

I really don't know what could
be wrong with your car though.

Well, uh... I have a suggestion.

I just don't
understand it, ma'am.

I've been pushing you for miles

and she just don't
seem to kick over.

It's probably your generator,

and I think you
better call a tow truck.

Oh, that's all right.

I'm home now.


Yes, I live right over there.


Thank you for pushing
me all the way home.

That's okay, ma'am, but
could you tell me where we are?

Van Nuys.


Van Nuys... The
Garden Spot of the Valley.

Haven't you ever heard of it?!

Well, I'm afraid I
haven't, ma'am.

But is it anywhere
near downtown L.A.?

Well, no.

By freeway, you'll make
it back in no time at all.

You just turn right
at the next corner,

and then you go three blocks
till you get to the freeway ramp

and then all you have
to do is follow the signs.

Thank you, ma'am.

Just follow the signs.


And remember, defensive driving!

Van Nuys?!

What are you doing
way over there?

You're supposed to be downtown
waiting for General Prescott!

Well, you see, as I was
coming off the freeway ramp,

there was this nice lady
standing by a stalled car.

And you stopped to help her?

Well, yes.

I mean, I just couldn't leave
her there, standing in traffic.

Look, Pyle, I don't care if
she was on top of a skyscraper,

hanging by her fingertips...
You're supposed to be waiting

for General
Prescott at his hotel.

That's exactly why
I called, Sergeant.

You see, on account
of my new location,

I thought we better
plot a new course.

Boyle, give me that map.

Here we are, Sarge.

Here's Van Nuys, right
over by North Hollywood.

All right, we got
you pinpointed, Pyle.

Now, let's see...
here's what you do:

You get on the Ventura
Freeway, heading east,

and then you get on
the Hollywood Freeway

and you stay on it till you get to
the downtown turnoff heading east.

Then you turn on the Harbor
Freeway heading south,

and you get off at the Sixth
Street exit, and you're there.

Okay, Sergeant.

I've got a pencil. Go ahead.

Santa Monica! What are
you doing in Santa Monica?!

Well, I know I'm way
off course, Sergeant,

but believe me, I just
couldn't help myself.

I gave you explicit directions!

Why didn't you follow 'em?!

I did, Sergeant! Honest, I did!

But you see, when I
swung out on the freeway,

I got stuck over in
the fast lane somehow,

and then, when I saw
the Downtown cutoff sign,

the traffic was so heavy,
I just couldn't get over.

I signaled and I honked,
but it just wasn't no use,

and I had to keep going
until I hit Santa Monica.

That ever happen
to you, Sergeant?

Map! Map! Map!

Here you are, Sarge.

And here... here's Santa Monica.


All right, I got
Santa Monica, Pyle.

Have you got a pencil?

Are you all right, mister?

Yeah, I'm okay.

You see that driver? He's crazy!

You see what he do?

Well, he wasn't paying
much attention, was he?

Here, let me help you.

Nobody watch nobody no more.

Drive like crazy,
that's all they do!

Some people are careless.

Here, let's get out
of the way over here.

Thank you very much.

You very nice.

What's your name?

Gomer Pyle.

Gomer Pyle!

Ah! I knew right away.

You Italiano, eh?

Well, I'm afraid I ain't,

but I sure do like pizza,

and nobody sings
better than Dean Martin.

Yes, I see you have good taste.

It was nice to meet you, Gomer.

Thank you very much
again, and bye-bye now.

Well, wait a minute!

How far do you have to
take all these groceries?

Oh, I live very close.

Only ten blocks.

Ten blocks!

Sure was a lot faster
than walking, wasn't it?

You a very kind man.

Please, come in the
house and meet the wife.

Well, thank you, Mr. Barbella,
but I'd better be on my way.

But just for a few minutes, eh?

My wife, she always say
nobody help nobody no more.

People, they just
think of themselves.

I want her to meet you,

and show there's some
real nice people in the world.

Well, that's real nice of
you, Mr. Barbella, but I just...

Come on. Come on.

We give you a cold drink.

I've really got
something very important

I've got to do, Mr. Barbella.

I just couldn't.

Have some more lasagna,
Mr. Gomer Pyle, eh?

No, Mrs. Barbella.

I couldn't eat another bite.

Aw... you don't like it.

Oh, no, ma'am, I love it.

I wouldn't have had
three helpings if I didn't.

It was delicious.

Then you have some more, eh?

Honestly, Mrs. Barbella, I
just don't have any more room.

And besides, I've got some
real important Marine business

I have to take care of.

Thank you for a wonderful lunch.

And it's been a pleasure
meeting you two.

Wait, Mr. Gomer Pyle.

I betcha you know our
grandson, Private Tony Collucci.

Tony Collucci?

Cara mia, how many
times do I have to tell you?

Our Tony is in the Army.

Gomer Pyle is a Marine.

How they gonna meet?

Eh, Army, Marine...

Our Tony is very popular.

He make lots of friends.

Look, this is his picture,

so if you meet him, you
know what he look like.

Well, he's a real
handsome boy, all right.

Handsome! Oh!

You should see him when
he graduate from high school.

Oh, if you only had time
to look at all the pictures.

And this is my sister Rosa.

And these are all her children.

Look! And here,
here, Gomer Pyle.

This is my brother Mario.

He's a gondolier in Venice.

Oh, you should hear him sing.

A regular Caruso!

Well, now, I really
want to thank you both

for your hospitality, but
I've got to be going now.

If you'll just tell me which
freeway I take to get downtown.

Oh, that's easy.

You go two blocks from here,

and you see the San
Diego Freeway going south.

No, no, no, no!

That's a long way!

You listen to me, Gomer Pyle.

You take the Santa
Monica Freeway going east.

And then you take the
Hollywood Interchange.

No. What Hollywood?
You want him to get lost?

What's the matter with you?

Listen, Gomer Pyle.

You go to the San Diego Freeway.

No, no! He don't know anything.

You no listen to him.

Company B. Corporal
Boyle speaking.

It's our man in
Los Angeles again.

You talk to him.

If he's lost, I don't
want to talk to him.

Are you lost again?

He's lost again.

Let me talk to him.

All right, Pyle, what
now? What now?

I hate to keep bothering
you like this, Sergeant,

but I'm a little
off course again.

Where are you?


What are you doing in Pasadena?

Well, you see, I met
this Mr. Barbella...

That's enough! Now, you
stay right where you are.

I'm going to come up
there and do the job myself.

I'm relieving you
of this assignment!

Oh, no, Sergeant, don't do that.

I can do the job, honest, I can.

Give me another
chance, Sergeant.

Just one more chance, please?

All right. All right, I'll give
you one more chance.

But this time you drive
straight to that hotel

and no detours, you understand?!

Yes, sir, Sergeant.

And I won't let
you down, neither.

There's just one
more thing though.

How do I get there from here?

I'm about a half block
from the Rose Bowl.

You know, where they play
that big football game every year.

I know.

Just think, Sergeant,

if this was New Year's Day,

I wouldn't be able to get
anywhere near this place.

Boyle, the map,
the map, the map!

Colorado Boulevard

to the Pasadena
Freeway going south,

then cut over to
the Harbor Freeway

and then straight
on in downtown.

Hi, there!

Where're you going, on a hike?

Nowhere, I'm afraid.

We were supposed
to be on an outing,

but we missed that bus

that would've taken us downtown.

Oh, well, that's a shame.

Is this the place
you wanted, ma'am?

Oh, yes.

We'll catch our bus
right here at the station.

Thank you very
much for the ride.

You're very kind.

Oh, it was nothing.

But I have kind of
lost my bearings.

Could you tell me how I
get to Wilshire Boulevard?

Wilshire Boulevard?

Oh, I wish my husband was here.

He's so good at directions.

Oh, well, that's okay.

I know it's around
here somewhere.

I'll just ask over here
at this gas station.

Y'all have a good time.

Hi, there, buddy. What'll it be?

Custom Octane, Golden
High-test or Supersonic Supreme?

Well, nothing, thank you.

I don't really need
any gas. I just wanted...

Oh, I know!

You're here for the
Lucky Country Contest.

"Lucky Country Contest"?


Here's a card with a
map of half a country on it.

If you get another card

with the matching half
of the same country,

we'll send you there,
all expenses paid.

No kidding!

Two of our best customers

just left this
morning for Iceland.

Well, that's wonderful?

But to be honest with you,
that ain't the reason I come in.

I only wanted to ask you how
to get to Wilshire Boulevard.

Wilshire Boulevard?

Two blocks up and turn right.

Well, thank you very much,

and good luck with your contest.

Wait a minute.

Hang on a second, Marine.

You forgot your demitasse cup.

"Demitasse cup"?

That's right.

Just for stopping by.

And the next time you come in,

I'll see you get a
matching saucer.

Well, thanks so much.

I'll be sure and tell
all my friends about it.

You do that.

Hey, fellas.

Where you going? What happened?

Oh, the last bus
left ten minutes ago,

and we just missed it.

The boys are so disappointed.

You're at Disneyland?!

Well, I hadn't really
planned on it, Sergeant,

but those little fellas
looked so disappointed.

Now do you see why I sent
you up there seven hours early?

And it still wasn't
early enough.

Knowing you, I should've
sent you up there a week ago.

Believe me, there's nothing
to be concerned about.

I'm leaving right now.

And by the way, Sergeant,

I sure do wish you
was here with me.

The Matterhorn
looks so beautiful,

and the Monorail, the
Enchanted Castle...

Pyle, shut up!


Hello, Sergeant Carter?

It's me again.

Don't tell me, Pyle.

Don't you dare tell me.

Oh, I'm not lost, Sergeant.

I just called to tell
you that I'm right here

by the General's hotel.

You hear that, Boyle?

Pyle made it!

What about the
General? Where is he?

Well, I'm a couple
of minutes early,

so I just took
time out to call you

and set your mind at ease
'cause I knew how upset you was.

All's well that ends well.

All right, Pyle, you made it.

Now, you just go out to the car

and wait for him.

Just sit and wait.

Oh, I will, Sergeant.

You can rest assured...

Hey, there he is, Sergeant!

There he is!

It's him, Sergeant.

That's the General, all right.

And he's right on time.

Never mind the comments, Pyle.

Just hang up and go get to him!

Right, Sergeant,
we're on our way.

Hey, buddy! Buddy!

Are you driving that
staff car back there?

Yeah... Listen, pal,
you've got to help me!

Could I get you a taxi, General?

No, thanks, I'm expecting
a staff car to pick me up.

It should be here any minute.

Well, here he is now.

What the...? Are
you all right, General?

Yes, I'm all right, but
I can't say the same

for the marine driving that car.

Where's a phone?

Right here.

What are you so
nervous about, Sarge?

Why don't you sit
down and relax?

I can't relax.

I can't relax until Pyle

drives up here
with that general.

Do you mind?

I don't know what
you're so worried about.

Pyle just called. He
said he saw the General.

What could go wrong?

"What could go
wrong?" With Pyle?

He could run him over.

He could slam the
door on his fingers.

Oh, lots of things.


As you were.

Sergeant, have you heard
from Private Pyle at all?

As a matter of fact, I
have, sir. Several times.

It seems he got lost,

but there's nothing
to worry about, sir.

The last time I heard from him,

he was at the
hotel, right on time.

Very interesting.

I just got a phone call
from General Prescott.

The staff car took
off without him.

Without the general?

That's right.

And it nearly knocked
him down in the process.

What got into Pyle?

I can't understand it, sir.

Unless it was all that
freeway driving and the smog.

It must have got to him.

Well, General
Prescott's fit to be tied.

If we don't do
something, Sergeant,

there'll be fallout from
here back to the Pentagon!

Yes, sir, I'll get another
man on it right away.

Uh, PFC Hummel. He's
a very trustworthy man...

No, no, this is too important.

You and I better get up there
ourselves and hope for the best.

My car is outside.

Yes, sir.

♪ ♪

Well, Sergeant, what is it?

Where is General Prescott?

Well, I don't know
how to tell you this, sir.

I can hardly believe it myself.

What is it? Out with it!

Well, General Prescott, sir,

he just left for...
the hospital.

"The hospital"?! Oh, no.

He probably stood outside
so long, he got sunstroke.

Let's go. Yes, sir.

It's General Prescott.

And Pyle.

But what are those policemen
and that photographer doing?

Well, the general probably
caught up with Pyle, sir,

and had him placed under arrest.

Now, uh, let's get one

with just the general
and Pyle here.

General Prescott,

I'm Colonel Gray
from Camp Henderson.

Colonel Gray.

Colonel Gray, Sergeant Carter,

what a nice surprise.

What are y'all
doing way up here?

Sir, I want to apologize
for what's happened today.

I sent this man to
pick you up and I regret

- the unfortunate incident.
- Nonsense.

If Pyle had picked me up
when he was supposed to,

we never would
have had the baby.

"Baby," sir?

Eight pounds, nine ounces.

Cutest little girl you
ever laid your eyes on.

And Pyle here is responsible

for bringing her into the world.

If Gomer hadn't let
us use the staff car

when my cab broke down,
we would have never gotten

Mrs. Rodriquez to the hospital.

You got a quick-thinking
man here, Colonel.

Even thought up a
name for the baby.


Yes, sir, uh, good man.

That's why we picked
him for the assignment.

Well, it's almost 18:00.

If I'm due at Camp
Henderson, we'd better be going.

Yes, sir. My car
is right this way.

It'll be an honor to drive
you, sir, a real privilege.

Well, thank you, Sergeant,
but if you don't mind,

I think I'll drive
back with Pyle.

With Pyle, sir?

Yes, he did come to pick me up.

I'm sure he'll be
very good company.

Coming, Colonel? Yes, sir.

Pyle? Bye, Sergeant.

Have a real a nice trip back

and don't forget
to drive careful.

I just don't understand it.

Where could the sergeant be?

Yeah, I'm beginning
to wonder myself.

We've been back
for over two hours

and the sergeant
left right after we did.

I sure hope he didn't
run into any trouble.

Well, maybe he stopped
for something to eat

or ran into some heavy traffic.

Well, I sure hope
nothing happened.

Sergeant Carter!

Boy, are we glad to see you.

We was just talking about you.

Why are you so late?

Is everything okay?

We were really
getting worried, Sarge.

You're two hours over
due. What happened?

"What happened? What happened?"

Don't you guys have anything
better to do than nose around?

Yeah, but two hours,
Sarge, that's a long time.

Yeah, that's way
too long, Sergeant.

Did you get lost?

None of your business.

You did, didn't you, Sergeant?

And I bet I can tell you why.

When you went to take
the Santa Ana Freeway

going south, you
took the wrong ramp

and got on the Golden
State Freeway going west.

Is that what you did,
Sergeant? Is that what you did?

None of your business, Pyle.

Well, that's terrible, Sergeant.

How come you
didn't give us call?

Where's the map, Corporal Boyle?

I can show you
exactly what he did.