Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 14 - Change Partners - full transcript

Sergeant Carter and Miss Bunny break-up when Gomer and Lou-Ann tag along on a date. Then Gomer dates Miss Bunny and Lou-Ann dates the Sergeant in attempts to re-unite them with each other.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

What would you like
to do tonight, Lou-Ann?

Whatever pleases
you is just fine with me.

Well, I cut this clipping
out of the paper.

"Doings Around Town".

It seems they're having this
special one-man art show tonight.

Only he don't use regular paint.

He makes all of his
pictures with kidney beans.

And he shoots them
on with a slingshot.

That sounds fascinating!

Why, it might be nice to...

Hey, isn't that Sergeant
Carter's girlfriend over there?

Yeah. It sure is.

Miss Bunny! Hi.

Well, hi, Miss Bunny.

Hi, Gomer. Lou-Ann. How are you?

Just fine. What are
you doing out here?

Waiting for your sergeant.

Have you seen him anywhere?

He was supposed to
meet me here at 7:00.

It's almost half past.

Well, I'm sure
it's not his fault.

Something terrible
important must have come up.

You know, he's got
a lot of responsibility

in that job of his.

I hope you never
acquire the type of job

that makes you late for dates.

You mean Gomer's always on time?

He's most punctual.

Never made me wait
one single second.

Oh! I wish Vince was
like that. He's always late.

Why, I spend more time
hanging around street corners

than the Salvation Army.

Why don't you come inside

and have a cup of coffee with us

till he gets here?

I don't want to be a bother.

Well, it's no bother at all.

It's a pleasure.

Is this table all right?

Okay by me.

Coffee, please.

Can I take your coat?

Thank you.

You sure that won't
be too drafty on you?

Oh, no. This is just fine.

Where the heck is she?

Are you comfortable, Lou-Ann?

Or had you rather
move to a booth?

Oh, this is just fine, Gomer.

Is there anything else
you'd like, Miss Bunny?

Uh-uh. Nothing. No.

I thought we were
gonna meet outside.

Come on! Let's go!

Not even a "hello" first?

Huh? Oh, uh,
hello. And good-bye.

Come on! Let's go!

I don't know what you're
doing here in the first place.

I asked you to wait out front.

But Miss Bunny was
out front, Sergeant.

We invited her in.

Well, thanks a heap.

What are you standing up for?

The movie starts in 20 minutes.

Come on! Right
away, Lord and Master.

Hey, maybe you two
would like to go with us.

No! They probably
got plans of their own.

Haven't you, Pyle?

Well, we was thinking
of going to an art show,

but it wasn't nothing definite.

Would you like to go
to the movies, Lou-Ann?

Well, would you like to go?

It's up to you.

I just want you to
have good times.

Well... What's the big idea?

He was very nice to me.

The least we can
do is ask them along.

What do you say?

Well, what do you think?

Well, what do you think?

I don't care. Neither do I.

No sense in you two
quarrelling about it.

Maybe some other time.

But I think we'd
like to go, Sergeant.

It'd be real nice
being with you two.

Wouldn't it, Lou-Ann? Uh-huh.

Well, I'll just pay
for the coffee,

and I'll be right back.

Excuse me.

It's not enough I'm with
that knucklehead all day?

I gotta be with
him all night, too?

Oh, it's just to sit
in a dark movie.

Vince, what's that?

Yeah, well, I suppose.

It'll be fine.

I just hope it's dark
enough to lose him.

All set.

Can I help you with
your coat, Lou-Ann?

Thank you.

Car's out front.

What the...? What are
you doing back there?

What's the difference?

Just drive.

And keep both
hands on the wheel.

Where's Gomer?

I gave him the slip
at the popcorn stand.

Vince, you're terrible.

Terrible? What's so terrible?

We want to be alone, don't we?

Well, don't we?

Well... So, old
Doc Carter fixed it.

There they are!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I didn't think we could
find you in the dark.

Miss Bunny, I brought you
some fresh-buttered popcorn.

Thanks, Gomer.

Is there anything else
you'd like me to get for you?

Something to drink?

Oh, no. That's all right.

When I want something,
Vince'll get it for me.

If you wanted something,

why didn't you get it
when you came in?

How about you, Sergeant?


If there's anything you want,

just remember I'm sitting
right here behind you.

Oh, look! It's a
Porky Pig cartoon.

I just love the way he goes,

"Tha... Tha...
That's all, folks!"

Boy, didn't that movie
have some ending?

Imagine that little old
horse coming from behind

and winning that race and
saving the farm and everything!

Yeah, it was great.

Well, it's been a
truly lovely evening,

but we'd better
be running along.

That's right. So, I guess
we'll just say good night.

Sure. Well, we'll
see you around.

Why don't you stay
with us? It's still early.

Well, uh... the sergeant
probably has plans.

Do you have any plans?

Well, as a matter of fact, I
was thinking maybe we'd...

well, go for a little
ride in the park.

You know, you
and me, just relax...

A ride in the park?

Hey, that's a good idea.

Why don't you come with us?

Well, I don't know.

Oh, sure, it'll be fun.

Would you like to go riding?

Would you like to?

It's up to you.

You decide, Gomer.

Anything's just fine with me.

Well, all right. We'd
love to join you.


That is, if you don't mind.

I don't mind.

Because if you do...

I'll bring the car around.

You're sure now?

If you are.

My! This sure is a
scenic spot, Sergeant.

How in the world
did you ever find it?

Well, I just happened
to be driving by one day.

There's a beautiful
little path down here

that I want to show Bunny.

Lots of flowers and things.

Awful pretty at night.

Sounds nice. Want
to see it, Lou-Ann?

No. You two stay here.

It's kind of a narrow path.

Not room enough for four people.

Why don't you just relax,
and play the radio, huh?

Okay, Sergeant.

Come on.

Really, Vince, don't you think
you've been kind of obvious?

Well, I had to get away
from that pest somehow.

Gomer's very sweet.

You know, this is the first time

I've seen him out with a girl,

and they're so cute together.

Yeah, that Gomer's
a real gentleman.

Which is more than I
can say for some people.

What do you mean by that?

Never mind.

Come on, Bunny.

Well, look what we have here.

It's time for togetherness,

and I am your local distributor.

Can't tell which one of
these knobs is the radio.

That's not it.

Well, how about
that one over there?

Turn off them lights!

Turn... turn off the lights!

Turn them off, will ya?!

Good night, Pyle.
Good night, Lou-Ann.

Nice being with you.

Well, it's been fun.

See you another time.

Yeah. Thanks for the ride.

Good night.

Very nice, Vince. Very nice.

Chasing them off like that.

Chasing them off?

Look, Bunny, if I
remember correctly,

my date tonight was
with you, not with Pyle!

I know, but you can't
be rude to people.

Rude? You call it rude

to want to be alone with
my girl for a few minutes

without being interrupted?

Do you call it rude
to want to kiss my girl

without a spotlight hitting me

like I was part of
a prison break?

That was just an
unfortunate accident.

Pyle is an unfortunate accident!

Aw, come on, honey.
The evening's half over.

Let's try to enjoy
what's left of it.

I just hope their
feelings aren't hurt.

Will you forget about them?

Now, they probably want
to be alone themselves.

Did you ever stop to
think about that? Well...

They probably just tagged along

out of politeness 'cause
you asked them to.

Maybe you're right. I know I am.

Hey, why don't we
go to the Jade Club

and grab some supper, huh?

And maybe we can get in

a little dancing
between courses. Okay.

Yeah. The main
thing is, it'll be just us.

Why don't you sit down?

We can dance more later.

Yeah, this is more like it.

Yeah, it's going to be a
good evening after all, huh?


Well, shall we order?

Sure. I'm starved.

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

Well, hi, you two.

Goodness! Fate sure is
throwing us together tonight.

We didn't expect
to find you here.

You having dinner?
That's why we came by.

See an empty table, Lou-Ann?


Uh, well, uh, listen. There's
room for two more here.

Why don't you join us?

Oh, well, no. Thank
you just the same,

but we don't want to intrude.

Oh, nonsense. You said
you were hungry. Come on!

Come on!

Well... Well, if
you're sure, now.

Sure. We'd love it. Sit down.

All right by you, Lou-Ann?

If it's all right with you.

Well, it's fine by
me if it's fine by you.

I don't mind if you don't mind.

Heck, I just want you
to have a good time.

Boy, you really
fixed this evening.

First, we had
them at the movies,

then we had them at the park,

and now we have them here.

I had to ask them
to sit down, Vince.

They were hungry, and
there was no other place.

You can't just
ignore people, Vince.

Especially decent,
considerate people like Gomer.

Considerate?! Some considerate!

He's been in our
hair all evening.

Mr. Goody Two-shoes!

Well, not everybody's
the way you are.

What do you mean by that?

Come on, what are
you trying to say?

Just that you could learn
something from Gomer.


From him?

Like what?

Well, if you don't know,

then I can't tell you.

The fact is, Vince, you are
plain, downright uncouth.

Oh, yeah? I'm as
couth as he is. Couther!

Besides, Pyle has to treat
Lou-Ann delicate like that.

She's the helpless,
feminine type.

Well, what am I? A fullback
for the Green Bay Packers?

You know, I wouldn't
be a bit surprised

if there wasn't wedding bells

for Sergeant Carter and
Miss Bunny before long.

I wouldn't be a bit
surprised either.

Say, right after dinner,
why don't you and me leave

and leave them together
by their lonesome?

Honestly, Gomer, if you're
not the most thoughtful man.

Well, we don't want to stand
in the way of wedding bells.

Oh, yeah?

And don't bother seeing me home!

I'll call a taxi!

And don't bother
calling me either!

Fat chance of that.

Good night!

Good night!

Sergeant, what happened?

It's very simple.

Bigmouth and me are washed
up... And good riddance!

But it can't be.

I always thought
there'd be wedding bells

for you and Miss Bunny.

There ain't gonna
be no wedding bells.

There ain't gonna be no nothing!

We're through.
Finished. Washed up!

Well, what could have happened?

I feel just terrible.

Imagine Miss Bunny and
Sergeant Carter breaking off like that.

It just shakes
your faith, don't it?

Makes me want to cry.

I wonder if there's
anything that we can do.

Well, maybe if you
talked to the sergeant,

you know, man-to-man,

he might realize
the error of his ways.

Well, I could try, but he
might not take kindly to it,

what with me just
being a private

and him a sergeant and all.

But maybe if you talked to him.


Now, that might just do it.

You've got such a
fine way with words.

Well, if you really think
it would help, all right.

And while you talk to the
sergeant about Miss Bunny,

I'll be talking to Miss
Bunny about the sergeant.

Well, yes.

We'll deal with both halves
of the problem simultaneously.

I'm certain they both
just simply acted in haste

and a word to the
wise will be sufficient.

See, you do have a
fine way with words,

just like I said.

No doubt about it,

this'll put them back together

before you know
it, you just see.

And that's why I asked you
to meet me, Sergeant Carter,

because I most sincerely
feel that you have acted hastily

and I just would hate to
see you make a mistake

that you may well regret
for the rest of your life.

Why, the two of you have shared

many wonderful
moments together, I'm sure,

things that you could never
have with someone else,

and it would be a pity to
let false and foolish pride

keep you from her side.

Don't you agree?

Did anyone ever tell you
you got the whitest teeth?

And Sergeant Carter's just
wild about you, Miss Bunny.

You're all he ever talks about.

And you're lucky to have a
man like Sergeant Carter, too.

He's the finest Marine on
the whole base, a born leader,

and he's got a fine mind, and
he makes a real nice appearance.

Did you ever see him right after
he comes out of the barbershop

when he's had his hair cut?

Has on the butch pomade?

Why, his hair's nice and
shiny and stands up straight up,

just like he'd called his
own head to attention.

He's got a wonderful smile.

All the spaces between
his teeth are nice and even.

Why, I don't think a
girl could do any better

than Sergeant Carter.

Did anyone ever tell you
you have the brownest eyes?

Golly, how'd everything
go so wrong, Lou-Ann?

Well, it would appear that
we have been caught up

in the classic symptom
of the rebound.

The what?


That's when people
have a romance

that comes out unhappily
and they turn all their affections

on the very first person
who comes along,

which in this case,
just happens to be us.

Well, we sure got us
into a mess, didn't we?

I don't want to go
out with Miss Bunny

any more than you want to go out

with Sergeant Carter.

But I will.


And you're gonna
go out with Bunny?


Because we've got
to help them through

their period of adjustment.

I never been out
with Miss Bunny.

I wouldn't know
how to act with her.

Don't act, Gomer,
just be yourself.

This be okay?

Yeah, that's fine. Thanks.

Okay. Hey.

Here's a good table,
right on the dance floor.

Ah, it's wonderful
crowd tonight.

Come on, take a
load off your feet.

Sergeant, my coat.

Huh? Oh, sure, yeah.

The coat. I'm, I'm sorry.

I... I wasn't thinking.

There now.

Every thing's under control.

Well, ain't it?

Would you help me
with my chair, please?

The chair. The chair.

I've got it.


Really, Vincent.

Oh, uh, wait a minute,
you got me all wrong.

I was just stretching my legs.

I did a lot of marching.

Is this table all
right, Miss Bunny?

Okay with me, Killer.

Sure is a nice crowd tonight.

What's the matter?

Your coat.

Well, something get on it?

No. I-I was just going
to help you off with it.



Oh, yeah.


Thank you.


Yeah, it, it certainly
was nice of you, Gomer.

What is it?

Nothing. I was just going
to help you into your chair.

Oh. Yeah.

But if you'd rather
sit over here...

Thank you.


I'm sure we're gonna have
a lovely evening, Gomer.

A lovely, lovely...

Well... yes, as I was saying,

I'm certainly glad
you asked me out

tonight, Gomer.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

Oh, yes, sir, it's
gonna be a gas.

Oh, I-I'm terribly
sorry, Miss Bunny.

I must've I bumped your leg.

Oh, no, that, that's okay.

And then, Daddy said that
I could come to California

on one condition,

that I promise to write
home three times a week.

Now, that isn't too
much to ask, is it?

And he said not to be
afraid to come home

if I ever got

the teensy-weensiest
bit homesick,

but I never have.

Have you ever gotten homesick?

This is just such
a wonderful place,

There're so many museums
and art galleries and libraries.

There's just so much to do.

I never have a
chance to be lonesome.

Oh... Do you have to?


Oh, uh... sorry.

And then Daddy said...

Say, why don't we dance?

Oh. All right, if you'd like.

Anything wrong?


I just saw an old friend.

Hey, it's Sergeant
Carter and Lou-Ann.

What a surprise.


Well, if it isn't
Gomer and Bunny.

Well, I never expected
to see them here.

Please, if you don't mind.


Oh, sure. It's fine with me.

Oh! Goodness.

What's the matter?

The heel came loose
on my shoe again.

Oh, well, maybe I can...

Gomer can fix it...
He's done it before.

Huh? Oh, sure.

Uh, leave it to me.

Would you stay with Miss Bunny?

I'll be just a minute.

It's a nice crowd tonight.

Certainly is.

No sense in wasting
all that music.

No, I suppose not.

Well, I'll be.

Would you believe
it? They've made up?

Well, it sure looks like it.

And without any help from us.

They did it on their own.

Well, maybe we
helped a little, Gomer.

Just a little.

Look, uh, Lou-Ann,

I know that I brought
you here tonight,

but would you mind if I took
Bunny home and Pyle took you?

Oh, that would be
just fine with me.

Oh, think nothing
of it, Sergeant.

Good night, Miss Bunny.

See you tomorrow, Pyle.

Good night,
Sergeant. Good night.

Hey, Sergeant, looks
like you got a flat tire.


But don't you worry.

I used to change a lot of these

when I worked at the
filling station back home.

Can I have the
keys to your trunk?

Well, thanks, Pyle,
that's awfully nice of you.

Will you be long, Gomer?

A little, why?

Well, I'm kind of worried.

By the time you fix
this and take me home,

you'll miss the last
bus back to the base.

Oh, that's all right.

When you're through, Vince
can drive Lou-Ann and me home,

and then you boys can go
back to the base together.

Bunny... It's the
least you can do.

Forget it, Pyle.

I'll take care of it myself.

Why, I wouldn't
think of it, Sergeant.

I wouldn't think of it at all.

Okay. But just
remember one thing.

When we take 'em home,

you sit in the back, you
understand? In the back!