Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 1 - A Visit from Aunt Bee - full transcript

When Aunt Bee visits the base, she becomes very distraught by Sgt. Carter's treatment of Gomer.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Hey, Pyle, you got a
visitor over in the Rec Room.

A visitor? To see me?

Yeah, but don't get too
excited, she's the motherly type.

The motherly type? I
wonder who that could be?

Aunt Bee!


Oh, Gomer!

Well, ain't this something?!

Gomer, for land's
sakes, look at you!

Why, I wouldn't know you

if I saw you on
the street right now.

Aw... It's true, it's true.

You're a different person.

When you left Mayberry,
you were a frail scrawny thing,

but look at you now.

Gomer Pyle, you're
actually handsome!

Aw, go on, Aunt Bee!

Yes, you are!

Well, you look
mighty good yourself.

This is just wonderful.

Come on over. Let's sit down.

What in the world
are you doing here?

Well, I'm on my way to Fresno.

You remember my little
niece Judy May Orlander?


Well, she's getting married.

You don't say?

Yes, and a good catch, too.

The young fellow's a butcher
down at the supermarket.

You know the kind
of money they make.

Of course, he's supposed
to be a lovely person, too.

Well, ain't that nice?

Of course, at
first, I wasn't going

to go, but Andy just insisted.

He said I needed a vacation
from my household chores.


So I thought I would
make it a vacation

and I'd come and see you, too.

Well, I'm sure glad you did.

This is just wonderful.

But tell me, how's
everybody in Mayberry?

Andy and Opie
and the whole gang?

Just fine.

And I've got a lot of pictures.

Gomer... would you
have a little time?

I thought maybe
we could go to town,

we could have dinner,
then have a nice long talk.

Well, I sure would
like to, Aunt Bee,

but I'm afraid I can't.

You see, all the
fellers are on pass

and I've got the barracks duty.

Well, maybe I could go with you.

We can talk while you
do your barracks duties.

Well, I don't suppose
there'd be any harm in it.

Today's Sunday. There
won't be anybody there.

Yeah, I guess you could.

Good, good.

Oh, Gomer, I just can't get over

how handsome you are.

Well, so this is
where you live, hmm?

Yes, ma'am, and this
is my bunk right here.

And right next to it, my locker.

Is that all the space you have?

Gomer, I thought you'd have
a room of your own by now.

Oh, no, ma'am.

Got to be a lot higher
up than me for that.

Oh. Well, it's not
much privacy, is there?

No, ma'am, but it's friendly.

It was hard for me to
get used to it at first,

sharing a bedroom with
so many other fellows,

but now I just don't
think I could sleep

in a room by myself anymore.

Well... Hmm.

Well, I guess people
can get used to anything.

Well, now, what duties
do you have to do?

Well, I've got to mop the
floor and dust the lockers

and wash the windows

and just generally
spruce things up.

Gomer, that's housework.

Yes, ma'am, I guess
you could call it that.

You mean you do
that all by yourself?

Well, no, ma'am.

Usually, the
fellers do their own.

But like I said,
they're out on pass,

and I didn't have
any other plans,

so I'm doing it for them.

You mean, the boys have
to do their own housework?

Along with all the marching
and drilling and things?

Well, yes, ma'am, it's
all part of being a Marine.

Well, for land's sakes, how
long has this been going on?

About 200 years, I guess.

You think they'd spend
a few extra dollars

and get you boys a maid.

Oh, Aunt Bee, listen.

You come over here
and sit down on the bunk

and we can visit while I mop.

What? Certainly not!

Do you think I'm
going to sit there

and watch you do housework?

I should say not.
I'm going to help you.

But Aunt Bee, you can't do that.

Gomer, don't argue.

Get me a jacket or a sweater

I can put over this dress

and something for my
hair, if you can find it.

And then give me a mop.

But Aunt Bee...

Gomer, don't argue.
Just do as I say.

You really shouldn't
be doing this, Aunt Bee.

You know, I just
don't understand it.

Millions and millions in taxes

and they won't spend
a few extra dollars

and have a woman
come in and straighten up.

Mavis Pearl could come
in here on a Thursday

and for eight dollars,
do the whole place.

I really don't think it's
the money, Aunt Bee.

Well, then what is it?

Well, it's just part
of being a Marine.

Doing housework is
part of being a Marine?

Well, that's the
way they figure.

Well, they can make a
few changes is you ask me.

Have a woman come in
just once or twice a week

and you'd see a big difference.

Those windows could use
some curtains, you know.

And a few pictures
wouldn't hurt either.

Well, some of the
fellers have pictures,

but they keep 'em on
the insides of their locker.


Those are not the
kind of pictures I meant.

I better get back to my windows.

Gomer, I don't
like to criticize,

but you're not
getting those windows

as clean as you should.

What are you using there?

Just the regular window
cleaner that they give us.

Well, what you
really need is vinegar.


With a little water.
That's what I use.

Wouldn't happen to
have any, would you?

No, ma'am, but I
suppose I could get some

over at the mess hall.

Well, why don't you, Gomer?

If you're doing it, you
might just as well do it right.

Really, Aunt
Bee, I don't think...

Oh, get it, Gomer!

You'll see... it'll make all

the difference in the world.


Good afternoon. Lovely day, hmm?


Uh... Ooh, careful!

You'll track up my floor!

What? Who are you, madam?

Well, I'm Miss
Taylor. Who are you?

I'm Sergeant Carter.

Would you answer me
one question, please?

What are you doing here?

Well, I'm mopping the floor.

You can see that.

I don't mean that.

I don't mean what
are you doing here.

I mean what are you doing
here in these barracks?

Oh, I'm visiting.

Visiting? With a mop?

Oh, well, I didn't
intend to mop.

I'm just helping out my friend

Private First Class Gomer Pyle.

Do you know him?

Oh, yeah...

So you're a friend
of Pyle's, huh?

Yes, a very dear friend.

Oh, but see? Look, look.

You should have wiped your feet.

Look at the marks you've left

all over the wet part.

It's bad enough to
have to do it once...

Madam. Miss Taylor. Miss Taylor?


Look, I don't want to
seem rude or anything,

but you'll really have to leave.

And leave all this
work for Gomer?

I should say not.

Look, I'm sorry,

but according to regulations...

Aunt Bee, I got it.

Oh, hey, Sergeant Carter.

Oh, there you are, Pyle.

Now that's the way
to come into a room.


Well, I was just talking
to this lady here, Pyle.

This civilian lady that you
brought into the barracks.

Well, then you met Aunt Bee.

That's good, 'cause I've
written a lot about you

in my letters back home.


Oh, so this is your
Sergeant Carter!

Oh, I didn't realize that.

You know, I pictured
him a little taller.

He's not tall, but he's solid.

He's solid as a rock, Aunt Bee.

Madam... Miss Taylor,

I'm afraid Private Pyle

didn't explain the
rules of the base,

but civilians are not
allowed in the barracks.

So I'll have to
ask you to leave.

But I came to visit with Gomer.

Well, I'm sorry about that,
but regulations are regulations.

You can wait for him

in the Recreation
Room if you like.

Although, it might
be kind of a long wait.

But there's so much left to do.

I barely started on the floor.

Well, there's nothing
we can do about that.

The recreation room is
down at the end of the street

and turn left.

Oh, and, uh, one
more thing, madam.

You'll have to leave
the jacket and cap here.

Oh, oh, yes.

I'll help you, Aunt Bee.

Well, Gomer... Thank you.

I'll be waiting for you.

I hope it won't be too long.

I'll do my very best, Aunt Bee.

Oh, dear, look what
you're doing to the floor.

Look over there, the clean part.

Good-bye, Miss Taylor.

Pyle, you lamebrain!
You knucklehead!

You realize how many
regulations you've broken here?!

Well, let me count
'em off for you!

One: Having a
civilian in the barracks!

Two: Having a civilian
woman in the barracks!

Three: Letting a civilian
wear a Marine uniform!

You've been in the
Marines for three years, Pyle!

When are you gonna learn?!
When are you gonna learn?!

What does it take to get
through that thick skull of yours?!

Excuse me. What?!

Excuse me.

Oh, Miss Taylor, did
you forget something?

No, but, uh, is
there any trouble?

I heard your voice and it
sounded, well, rather angry.

Oh, did it?

Yes. There isn't
anything wrong, is there?

Really, it's nothing you
need worry about, madam.

Sergeant Carter talks to me

a lot like this, Aunt Bee.

It's no need for you to worry.

Oh, I see, well... I'll be

waiting for you,
Gomer. All right.

Oh, what an awful mess.

You've been in the
Marines all this time

and you pull this kind
of boneheaded stunt,

having a civilian
in the barracks?!

A civilian?!

And a woman civilian?!

Pyle, I'm gonna make
sure you don't forget this!

You're gonna remember
this for a long, long time!

When I get through...!

Excuse me. What?

Excuse me.

Oh, Miss Taylor.

Are you sure
everything's all right?

That Gomer's not in
some kind of trouble?

Really, it's nothing, madam.

You see, Private Pyle
forgot a few of his duties

and I was just reminding him.

My goodness, do you remind
people in that tone of voice?

It sounded so... rough.

Really, Miss Taylor,
why don't you just wait

for this knucklehead...
I mean, Private Pyle

in the Rec room?

Well... Really, Aunt Bee,

it's okay. Really, it is.

All right, Gomer, if you say so.

Pity, such a mess.

Now, Pyle...

let me tell you what
I got planned for you.


Aunt Bee, what
are you doing here?

Well, I got so worried
you didn't turn up

in the recreation room,

and I thought I'd
come back and see

if everything's all right.

That Sergeant Carter
seemed so annoyed with you.

Oh, it really wasn't much.

He just gave me some
extra details to do.

And just as soon as I get
finished, then we can visit.

Oh, good. Well, what
do you have to do?

Well, for one thing,

I've got to move this
sand pile here over there.

Oh? Then what?

Well, then I've got to move

the sand pile there
back over here.

You mean, move it
back where it came from?

Well, goodness.

Well, why do you
have to do that?

Because Sergeant Carter said so.

Oh, Gomer, are
you being punished?

Oh, it was because
of me, wasn't it?

Oh, no, Aunt Bee, it wasn't
your fault, it wasn't your fault.

Gomer, oh, Gomer, I'm so sorry.

Miss Taylor! Miss Taylor!

But you should
have told me. What?

You're not supposed
to talk the men

when they're on a detail.

I came back...

You see, the men would
never get their work finished

if they have civilians
talking to them.

I know, but...

Look, why don't
you let me show you

a shortcut to the gate?

Now you just go right
down this road right here

and it'll run right
out to the main street

when you can get yourself a bus.

I'm sure you do want
to take a bus, don't you?

Thank you very much.
I'm sure our listeners

were fascinated by your
stories of your son Mickey.

This is the Johnny
Clark at Large Show,

talking to you from outside of
the gate of Camp Henderson,

where we've been interviewing
friends and relatives of...

Excuse me, madam, excuse me.

Would you mind talking
to us for a moment?


Tell me, how did you enjoy your
visit to Camp Henderson today?

Well, not very much,
I can tell you that.

I've never been so shocked
and surprised in all my life!

I just came here to
visit my old friend...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, just a moment.

You obviously have
a great deal to tell us,

but first, what is your name?

Bee Taylor.

I just came to visit my friend,
Private First Class Gomer Pyle,

and there was all this
hollering, this screaming.

I never heard anything
like it in all my life.

Whoa, wait a
minute. Wait a minute.

Who was hollering and who
was screaming? Sergeant Carter!

A short, stocky man.

I was having this
quiet visit with Gomer,

and in came this sergeant,

who started hollering, "You
can't do this, Sarge! Sarge!

And you can't be here
and you can't go there!"

Well, who was he
hollering and screaming at?

At both of us!

And I was just checking
on Gomer there,

and there he was by a sand pile!

Moving the sand pile from
one place to another place

and then back again, not
making any sense at all.

And then he came along,

and he just about
pushed me down the road.


Yes! He pushed me down the road.

Who-who pushed you?

Sergeant Carter!

A sergeant? I find
that hard to believe.

Well, he did!

But it was the hollering
and screaming that upset me.

Why, back home if a
man behaved like that,

we wouldn't have a
thing to do with him.

Well, it certainly is
interesting, Miss Taylor,

but, you know, we're
running out of time,

and I would like to
hear more about this.

I'm sure our listeners would.

I wonder if you'd like to appear
on my TV show tomorrow night?

TV show?

Yes, are you gonna be
in town tomorrow night?

Yes, I am. I'm coming
back to see Gomer.

Wonderful! Then I'll expect
you on my television show.

That winds it up for this
afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

This is the Johnny
Clark at Large Show.

Company B, Corporal Boyle.

Yes, sir.


Sir, I didn't push her.

Yes, sir, I'll be right
over on the double.

But I didn't push her.

Some people can really fool ya.

She seemed like a
sweet, motherly type.

She's a killer, Boyle, a killer!

This is all your fault,
Pyle, all your fault!

Good morning, gentlemen.

Time to get up.

Rise and shine. Up, up, up.

Come on, Ravelli.

Up, up, up.


Pyle? Pyle?

It's 5:30. Time to get up.

A new day is dawning.



Oh, did you holler, Sergeant?

No, I didn't holler,
but I have been trying

to get you up
for a little while.

Well, that must be the
reason I didn't wake up.

I'm used to getting
up when you holler.

Well, I didn't holler.

Something wrong with
your face, Sergeant?

What do you mean?

Well, your lips is
spread out funny.

I'm smiling, Pyle.

Didn't you ever see
anybody smile before?

Oh, sure, but it looks kind
of funny when you do it.

Why don't you just get
out of the sack, Pyle.

All right, everybody, I'd like
to see all of you gentlemen

out on the street
in three minutes.

Three minutes, fellows.

Hurry it up.

Hey, Sarge, what was that?

What was that
Mr. Nice Guy routine?

Are you cracking up?

No. I'm just
getting in practice.

Practice for what?

For that Taylor dame...
When she comes out here,

I got to show her a
different Sergeant Carter

before she goes on
that TV show tonight.

Oh. Yeah.

After my little talk
with the colonel,

I got the definite feeling I
better come up with something

if I want to keep these stripes.

Oh, is that what he suggested?
A new image for Sergeant Carter?

No, he didn't suggest
it. It was my own idea.

It's just for one day
until that dame blows.

It can't kill you to keep
smiling for one day. No.

But it's liable to
make me awfully sick.

All right, gentlemen, let's
line up quickly, if you please.

That's right, quickly.

Nice... very nice.

Uh, careful, Pyle.
We mustn't stumble.

Sorry, Sergeant, but
the reason I was late

is I couldn't find my belt.

Oh, well, that's all right.

An honest excuse is
better than no excuse at all.

Next time, may I suggest
that you leave your belt

right next to your bunk,
so that you can't miss it.

You got that?

Good boy.

I think he's on
some kind of drug.

All right, gentlemen,
left... face.

Forward... march.

Hey, Sarge, I don't understand
why you're doing all this now.

That Taylor dame isn't around.

You never can tell with
her. She can pop up anytime,

anyplace, and I ain't
takin' no chances.

Left, hup, left, two, three.

Nice marching,
fellas, very nice.

Good, good! Very good!

Nice, nice. Very nice.

All right, men,
let's keep it moving.

First man, go through
again. Come on. Let's go.

Good, good. Very good.

Sergeant Carter? Huh?

Miss Taylor's here.

Why, Miss Taylor, it's
so nice to see you again.

Welcome aboard,
ma'am. Sergeant Carter.

I came to see Gomer.

Well, we're glad to have you.

And in fact, you're just in time
to see one of our exercises.

Well, thank you.

Where's Gomer?

He's right out there, see?

He's the one crawling.

Oh, yes, I see.

Yoo-hoo! Gomer!

I'm here!

Hey, Aunt Bee!

Pyle, oh, you knucklehead!

Pyle, you numbskull!
You lamebrain!

How could you pull
such a boneheaded stunt!

Of all the knuckleheaded
things to do!

What if that had
been a live grenade?

Well, I'm sorry,
Sergeant Carter.

I don't know how in the world

I could've done
a thing like that.

Well, I do. It's
because you're stupid!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

What is the matter?

Why are you shouting like that?

Don't tell me you're angry
with this poor boy again.

Oh, no, no, I'm not angry,
not really angry. But, Aunt Bee,

he's got a right to be angry;
I did a very wrong thing.

That's right, Pyle. You did.

Naughty, naughty.

I'm sorry, Sergeant
Carter. I really am sorry.

Sorry? You're sorry?

Oh, that's good.
That's very good.

I'm talking to him real
nice, ain't I, Miss Taylor?

Nice and soft and kind.

Well, it's an improvement,

a definite improvement. Uh-huh.

And this is the kind of sergeant

you'd like your friend
Gomer Pyle to have?

As a matter of fact, I would.

Uh-huh. Well, I can't do it!

I ain't that kind of
sergeant, and I never will be!

Sergeant Carter! And, Pyle, if you
think I'm gonna drop this, you're nuts!

I'm gonna have you
down there digging ditches

and doing push-ups until
you're blue in the face!

You got that?!

Well... I never!

Oh, Gomer, Gomer, you poor dear.

Really, Aunt Bee, there's a
few things about Sergeant Carter

and the Marines that
you ought to know.

Well, we'll have
another interesting guest

after this word
from our sponsor.

Hey, Pyle, are you sure your
Aunt Bee's gonna be on TV tonight?

Well, she said she was.

She called me from the
hotel right before she left.

Hey, you guys, cool it. Carter.

Well... has she been on yet?

No, uh, not yet.

Sergeant Carter,
you want to set down?

You can have my chair.

No, thanks! I'll stand!

Our next guest

is a lady I had on the
radio program yesterday

when we were interviewing
out at Camp Henderson.

She had some very
interesting comments

about her visit to the camp.

I invited her down tonight

to tell us a little
more about them.

How about a nice, warm welcome

for Miss Bee Taylor from
Mayberry, North Carolina!

Uh, uh, Miss... Back here.

There you are.

Well, here we go, Sarge.

Yeah. Ma Barker.

Now, Miss Taylor... Look, I-I
want to set the record straight.

What I said and did was
what I thought was right,

and no civilian's gonna
make me change my mind!

But, Sergeant... Quiet, Pyle!
You caused enough trouble!

Centered mainly around his
sergeant... a, uh, Sergeant Carter.

That's right.

You said he was unfair
and unreasonable.

- You remember telling me that?
- Yes, I remember.

Now, would you mind

telling our audience your
experience with his sergeant?

Well, when I met
Sergeant Carter...

The audience.

Well, when I met
Sergeant Carter,

he just impressed me as
a terribly ill-tempered man.

He was shouting and
yelling at my friend,

and ordering him to do things

that were completely

Acting like a tyrant,
in other words.

Yes. And when I went back today,
the same thing happened again.

There he was, shouting
and yelling and screaming

in a way that I thought
was entirely uncalled for.

So I got the impression

of a totally unreasonable
and impossible man.

I see.


later I did have a
talk with Gomer,

and he pointed out
some things to me

that I hadn't realized before.

You see, I was judging things
from a civilian point of view,

and then Gomer pointed out that

no matter how Sergeant
Carter screams or yells,

it's only to make
him a better Marine.

You mean, Gomer doesn't
mind the screaming and yelling?

No, no, heavens, no.

He's used to it.

He says whenever Sergeant
Carter makes him move sand piles

or do push-ups, it's only
to help him to remember

not to do the same
wrong thing twice.

Well, your Gomer certainly seems

to have changed
your mind for you.

Well, apparently,
Sergeant Carter has to do

what he's doing; otherwise
he'd end up with a platoon full of...


Hey, Sarge, she
made a hero out of you.

Bless her heart.

I knew she'd change her mind

once she had a
chance to think about it.

Civilians have a lot to
learn about the military.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Well, thank you, sir.

Well, a new day, a
new world, huh, Sarge?

And to think yesterday you
were afraid of losing your stripes.

Afraid? I wasn't afraid. No?

Terrified, but not afraid.

Sergeant Carter?

Oh, hi, Pyle.

Hello, Miss Taylor.
Hello, Sergeant Carter.

Aunt Bee's fixing to leave,

and she didn't want to leave
without saying good-bye to you.

Well, that's very nice
of you, Miss Taylor.

And by the way,
I'd like to thank you

for what you said
about me last night.

You were real good,
and you looked great, too.

You know, you're very
photogenic on television.


Oh... well, thank you very much.

Well, anyway, my
bus'll be leaving shortly,

and I wanted to say it has
been a pleasure to meet you.

And I hope we'll
meet again sometime.


Oh, so this is where
you do your work, hmm?

Yeah, this is where
the brain work is done.

Eh, Boyle? Right, Sarge.

Oh. When's the last time
those windows were cleaned?

Why? What's the matter with 'em?

Well, they look awfully grimy.

You know, I've got an hour
and a half before my bus leaves.

Aunt Bee, do you want me to get you
some vinegar? Why don't you, Gomer.

Vinegar? Why... Boy, if you
want to see windows shine,

you just let Aunt Bee show you
what she can do with vinegar.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

According to regulations, no
civilian... You know, I don't understand

why the Marines won't
pay a few extra dollars

and have a woman come
in once or twice a week...

Run along, Gomer...

Come in here and
work half a day here

and half a day
in the barracks...