Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 3, Episode 7 - Gomer and the Little Men from Outer Space - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

All right, you guys, listen up.

Come on, come on.

Daniels, you got the
laundry room detail this week.

Johnson, Shapiro,

there's some
filing for you to do

over at the
administration building.

And, Pyle... Yes, Sergeant.

You're going to be busy
for the next few days.

I am?

Yeah, you're going to be
picking up some supplies

down at the train
station for the motor pool.

And that's a three day job.

The motor pool?

Well, lucky me.

Yeah, three days work for you,

and three days vacation for me.

Are you going on
vacation, Sergeant?

Any day away from you, Pyle,

I consider a vacation.

All right, you guys, you
got your assignments.

Now come on, get
with it, move, move.

Pyle, is that your footlocker?

Yes, Sergeant.

Footlockers will remain closed

except during
inspection, you got that?

Yes, Sergeant.

Wait a minute.

What's this?

Oh, that's my lucky troll doll.

Your what?

My troll doll.

What's it doing
in your footlocker?

Well, I like to have it
close by me for protection.

For protection?

Pyle, you're a U.S. Marine.

You've been through
boot camp, judo,

you can shoot an M1,

and you need a troll
doll for protection?

Well, my troll doll
protects me against things

where a rifle or judo
don't do any good at all.

Yeah, like what?

Well, there are
all sorts of things

happening around us,
Sergeant, all the time

that we never even see.

Yeah, I know, Pyle.

There are all sorts of
things happening around you

that you don't see,

but the rest of us
see them, believe me.

You don't understand what
I mean, Sergeant Carter.

This here good luck troll...

well, it's like, you
know, a good luck piece.

Like some folks have a
horseshoe or a rabbit's foot.

Well, this here troll protects
me from bad things happening.

Give me that!


You see? It don't protect you.

I just took it away from you.

Something bad just
happened to you,

and your troll
didn't protect you.

That's because he
ain't my troll anymore.

He's your troll now.

It won't protect me,
but it'll protect you.

Pyle, when are you
going to get it through

that thick head of yours.

No nonregulation
items in the footlocker.

A troll is nonregulation.

Therefore it does not
belong in your footlocker.

Right, Sergeant. And I'm sorry.

Get rid of it, you hear me?

Right, Sergeant.

Careful, Sergeant.

What lamebrain left
that mop down there...

Don't tell me, let me guess.

Ain't that a shame, Sergeant.

If you'd have
held on to this troll

for just a few more minutes,

that never would have happened.

Just two more minutes, and...

Knock it off, Pyle! Get
over to the motor pool!

Right, Sergeant.

Give me that.

Oh, Jerry, listen, it
worked out very nice.

Uh, fellas, come here, I
want to talk to you a minute.

Now what I want to get
is an establishing shot

of the spacecraft
just after it's landed.

I'm going to get a
nice overhead shot

from the hill up
there looking down.

Now when I wave my arms at you,

that means you come
out of the spacecraft,

and you look around. You got it?


Lay off the beep-beeps.

You're going to
wear out the batteries.

Okay, now, it's a very,
very simple scene.

All you have to do is
come out of the spacecraft,

and you're very curious,
and you're looking around.

It's the first time
you've landed on Earth.

You got it?


Cut that out!

All right, get back
in the spacecraft.

Jerry, let's move everything
up on the hill, right?

All right, fellas,

let's get this stuff out
of here, let's move.

(whistling tune)

♪ ♪


Oh, mercy.

It can't be. It just can't be.

A flying saucer?

Did you hear that, Boyle?

Pyle here says he
saw a flying saucer.

Well, I didn't see it flying.

It was just sitting there.

I guess it had just landed.

Oh, uh-huh.

And where did it land,
Pyle, on a mushroom?

No, Sergeant, it landed
way out in this big field.

Oh, I see. And what
else did you see?

Well, while I was watching,

the door opened, and
these little bitty men got out.

There was three of them,

and they had glass
bubbles on their head.

You saw little men, too.

I don't suppose you
talked to any of them?

No, Sergeant, I thought
I'd better get back here

and tell you about it.

I'd heard about people
seeing flying saucers,

but I always thought they
was just imagining things.

Yeah, yeah, just
tell me one thing...

Did you get into town
and pick up them packages

for the motor pool like
you was supposed to?

No, Sergeant, when I
saw the flying saucer,

I thought that I
better get back...

Just what I thought!

Pyle, did you think I'd fall
for a dumb story like this?

A story?

Don't you believe me, Sergeant?

Don't you believe
what I just told you?

Oh, sure, I believe you.

And I believe there are fairies
at the bottom of your garden.

Pyle, do you think
I got these stripes

without hearing
every story in the book

from guys who've goofed off,
goldbricked, and pooped out

on jobs they were
supposed to do?

Now you get back to that jeep

and pick up them
packages for the motor pool.

But, Sergeant, what
about the flying saucer?

What about that? Pyle!

Shouldn't you report it?

Aren't you supposed
to report things like that?

I read where... Pyle,

you've been given an assignment!

Now get out of
here! But, Sergeant...

Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

Flying saucers.

What do you think he saw, Vince?

He must have seen something.

I'll tell you what
I think he saw.

I think he saw a chance
for a good excuse

after he flaked out under
a tree for a little nap.

That's what he saw.

Really, you think
that's it, Vince?

Sure that's it.

And I got to admit,
it's not a bad story.

I mean, if you
got to go for one,

you might as well
go for a big one.

There's one thing about Pyle...

He's got some imagination.

You should have heard
the stuff he was giving me

about some troll doll.

Fellas, let's not take any more

than 45 minutes
for lunch, all right?

We've still got a
lot of work to do.

And don't wander
off too far, all right?

Now let's be back on time.

See you here in 45 minutes.

Honey, did you get
that pick up on 11?

All right, that's 45
minutes for lunch. 45.

You want to have some fun?

Hey, there.

Y'all ain't from
around here, are you?

Are you really from...?

I mean, you
really aren't from...

Can I do something for you?

Would you like me to take
you to my leader or something?

Can you say anything?


Make signs?

Me Marine.

Who you?

(beeping code)

Oh, my goodness.

I can't understand a
thing that you're saying.

If you wait right here
just a minute though,

I'll try to find
somebody that can.

Now you wait right
here just a minute.

Right here, and
I'll be right back.

Wait right there.

(beeping continues)

(beeping code)

(beeping stops)


Say that again, Pyle.
Say what you just said.

I said I talked to
them, Sergeant.

I asked them where
they was from,

and I told them who
I was and everything.

You did, huh?

And did they say
anything back, Pyle?

Oh, yeah, they talked a lot.

What did they say?

Well, I don't know exactly.

Well, you said
they talked a lot.

They did, but it was in a
language I couldn't understand.

But that's only natural,
seeing as they probably come

from a long ways away.

But they talked,
they really talked.

Well, what did it sound like?

Well, I don't know.

It didn't sound human at all.

It was sort of mechanical.

Yeah? Like what?

Like this...

Beep-beep, beep-beep-beep-beep,

beep, beep-beep-beep.

They said that, huh?

Oh, yeah, and when I left them,

they was just chattering away.

I told them I'd go and
try to find somebody

that could understand them.

What were they saying again?

Beep-beep, beep-beep-beep-beep,
beep-beep-beep, beep...

Slower, slower.

Beep... beep-beep-beep,
beep, beep-beep-beep, beep.

I just can't make it out.

Can you, Boyle?
Can you make it out?

You do believe me,
don't you, Sergeant?

On account of I not
only saw 'em, I heard 'em.

You do believe me, don't you?

I saw 'em, I really saw 'em.

I'm not just making this up.

I saw 'em with my very own eyes.

You do believe me, don't you?

Well... to be honest
with you, Pyle,

I didn't believe you
at first, but now I think

there's something
kind of strange going on.

Oh, good, on account I hadn't
picked up that equipment yet.

Oh, well, that's okay.

Take your time. You can
pick it up on your next trip.


What are you going to do?

I... I don't know.

I'm a little worried.

You don't think it's
an excuse anymore?

No, I don't.

Once, okay, but not twice.

You want to know
something, Boyle?

I'm worried.

I think Pyle is seeing things.

You mean hallucinations?

What's that?

Seeing things.

I just said that.

That's the medical term for it.

Yeah. Well, I think there's
a medical term for Pyle, too,

and I think I'd better
find out what it is.

You know what it
sounds like to me, Doctor?

It sounds to me like Pyle
has got "halcinations."

Pardon me?

Seeing things.

The medical term for it.

Oh. Oh, yes. I get
what you mean.

What does it sound
like to you, sir?

Well, of course, you realize
this is just conversation.

I haven't seen Pyle
or examined him.

I'm just going on what
you've reported to me.

Oh, sure, sure, I understand.

Well, first there's
the possibility

that he did see something.

You mean a flying saucer?

Well, something,
whatever it was.

What's the other possibility?

It's a little more complicated.

If he didn't see anything,
and he's making it all up,

it could be that he's just
trying to get attention.

Individual attention from you.

Yeah, but what good is it?

He'll just get chewed
out for making up a story.

He knows I'll...

Sergeant, he hasn't
thought that far ahead.

And besides, chewing
out is a form of attention.

Better to be yelled
at than neglected.

Huh? In a manner of speaking,

you're almost
like a father to him.

Isn't that what you told
him back in boot camp?

Yeah, but that was
back in boot camp.

He was just a recruit.

And he grew to depend on it.


Well, what do I do?

Listen to him, talk to
him, be sympathetic.

Yes, sir? Try to give him
a little more of your time.

If he feels you're
concerned with him,

he may not have to see
any more of these things.

Well, what if he does, sir?

Well, then call me.

Oh, yeah.

Well, thank you, sir.

Thank you for all your help.

Sir? Yes.

Just in case I have to
write up a report on this,

how do you spell "halcinations"?

Now I need a shot of you two
guys running down the road here.


Jerry, where did
this jeep come from?

The key's in it.

Find out who it belongs
to, and get it out of here,

or drive it out
of there yourself.

I don't know how you
handle one of these things.

I know how to drive
them. I'll take it out of there.

Oh, good.

Okay, Jerry, I want
to go back up the hill

and get a set up up there.

(engine starting)

Oh, my gosh!

Hey! Hey!


Oh, my goodness...
they took my jeep.

Listen to this,
Vince, just listen.

"Wister Falls, Kansas.

"Several farmer
here, last night,

"reported seeing
strange objects in the sky.

"The most detailed description
was given by Cyrus Plunkett

"who said something
shaped like a banana squash,

"with red lights the
size of tomatoes,

"circled his barn for
almost half an hour

scaring the chickens
half to death."

What do you think of that?

I think Cyrus Plunkett
and Gomer Pyle

are two of a kind.

You mean you don't believe
these fellas saw them either?

Sarge, there's a story
like this in the papers

almost every day.

Boyle, will you pardon me...

Until one of them
things actually lands

and they show it on television,

I'm going to have my
reservations, do you mind?

But, Sarge, there's just
too many of these sightings.

They can't all be just
people's imaginations.

Then look, Boyle,
it stands to reason...

If them people went
to all that trouble

to come from
millions of miles away,

why didn't they at
least stop and say hello?

But Pyle said they did.

And that's another thing.

If they're smart
enough to do all that,

why do they want to
stop and talk to Pyle

of all people on
this Earth, huh?

Answer me that, huh?

Look, Sarge, don't
get me in the middle.

I don't know if Pyle saw
one or he talked to one.

I'm just saying that
there are reportings

like this in the
paper every day.

Sergeant Carter!
Sergeant Carter!

I'm all out of breath.
I run all the way.

Yeah, what is it now, Pyle?

The jeep, they took the jeep.

One of them took the jeep
and drove right away with it.

They did? Who... who did, Pyle?

Who took the jeep?

One of them little men.

I got out to see if I
could find 'em again,

and when I turned around, one
of them was driving the jeep away.

You actually saw
one of these little men

get in a jeep and drive away?

I saw him, Sergeant.

I saw him with my very own eyes.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's very
interesting, Pyle.

Look, why don't you
wait outside a minute.

I got to make a phone call.

But, Sergeant Carter, that
was government property.

Where was he going with it?

I don't know, Pyle.

Just wait outside a minute.

I think we ought to
go right back out there

and comb the entire area.

Oh, yeah, sure, good idea.

Just as soon as I
make this phone call,

I'll be right with you.

I feel just awful
about this, Sergeant.

But how was I to know
that one of them little men

could drive a jeep?

Well, maybe they have
jeeps up there, too, huh?

You really think so, Sergeant?

Look, Pyle, will you
just wait outside?

All right, Sergeant.

What do you think now?

Even Cyrus Plunkett never
saw one of them get in a jeep

and drive away.

I guess you're right, Vince.

I know I'm right.

This kid's in bad shape.

(phone rings)

Yes, Sergeant.

He what?

They did?


Well, it seems to me

there's only one thing
for you to do at this point.

Why don't you go
out there with him?

Well, all right, if
you say so, sir.

But what do you think
really happened to the jeep?

I don't know... he might have
forgotten where he parked it,

or possibly he
deliberately hid it.

The whole point is to
get you out there with him,

it seems to me.

So go, Sergeant.

Yes, sir. I'll call you
when we get back.

Well, what did he say, Vince?

He said I should go out
there in the woods with Pyle

and look around.

What I've been
saying all along, see?

Looks like Pyle's in for a
few sessions with the doc.

No kidding.



Seeing things. Don't you know?

Okay, Pyle, come on, let's go.

You drive.

Take us out where
you left the jeep.

I mean, where those
little men stole the jeep.

Sergeant, before we go,

can I ask you something?

What, Pyle?

Well, I get the feeling
that you don't believe me,

am I right, Sergeant?

What do you mean, Pyle?

Well, from the
sound of your voice

you sound like you don't
believe me about the jeep.

And that means
you don't believe me

about the flying saucers
or the little men either.

Well, it is kind of
strange... The whole story.

Don't you agree?

But do you believe me, Sergeant?

Well, I... Well, I sure hope so,

'cause I never have
lied to you, Sergeant.

I never have lied to you
as long as I've known you,

since I've been a Marine.

And I never will either.

Come on, Pyle,
let's get started.

(camera whirring)

DIRECTOR: And... cut.

Okay, that was fine, people.

Okay for everybody here?

All right, then that will do it.

All right, that's a wrap.

We're all through here, folks.

Let's start getting
the stuff in the truck.

What about that jeep?

Oh, I forgot about that.

Have somebody drive it up
on the road where we found it.

Right. Driver, go
drive on that jeep.

There it is, Sergeant.

I just don't understand it.

It's right where I left it.

Yeah, there it is all right.

Well, I just don't
understand it.

I don't understand it at all.

It wasn't here the
last time I was here.

I mean, I parked it here,
and then it was gone.

I mean, it was here,
and then it wasn't here.

Yeah, Pyle.

I went right down here
behind those bushes

to have a look, and
when I turned around,

one of those little
men was driving it off.

Hey, maybe they're
still down there.

Are you sure you were
wearing your watch

while we were having lunch?


There they are, there they are.

Sergeant Carter, they're here!

Hey, fellas, would you
wait here just one minute?

It's real important.

I mean... no go.

You stay.

I come back.

Sergeant Carter!
Sergeant Carter!

Come quick. They're
right over in there

and I told them to
wait. So come on, hurry.

Look, Pyle...

Please, Sergeant,
they may go away again.

So please, come on, hurry.

I don't know,
maybe I didn't have it

when we were having lunch.

Russ, maybe you dropped
it getting off the truck.

Hey, maybe I did.
Come on, let's go look.

Right up here, Sergeant.

They're right up here.

Hey, fellas.



Little men?

They were right here, Sergeant.

Right here on this spot.

I saw 'em, I really did.



Listen, Pyle, I
want to talk to you.

About what, Sergeant?

Do you feel I've been
neglecting you lately?

I mean, not paying
enough attention to you?

Well, no, Sergeant.

I know I don't see you as
much as I did in boot camp,

but I want you to know
that I think about you a lot.

Well, I think about
you a lot, too, Sergeant.

That's good.

Anyway, I want you to know

that whatever happens
to you from now on,

and wherever you may go,

my thoughts will go with you.

Go? But I'm not going anywheres.

Well, that's a matter
of opinion, Pyle.

In any case, I want you to know

that if I've ignored
you, I'm sorry.

Now why don't you just
drive back to the base.

I'll take the other jeep.

But aren't we going to
go look for those little men

anymore, Sergeant?

No, I, uh...

I know where the
little men are, Pyle.

You do? Where?

Well, you get the jeep
back to the barracks

and wait for me, and then
we'll go over and see someone

who knows all
about the little men.

Who's that, Sergeant?

Well, we'll just pay
a visit to sick bay.

And then you can
have a talk with...

Sick bay?

You said you believed
me, Sergeant, and you don't.

You think everything
I've told you

is a story, don't you?

Please, Pyle, I believe that
you think you saw someone.

That's why we got
to go over to sick bay

and you got to talk to the doc.

You don't believe me.
You really don't believe me.

Pyle, that's what the
doctors are there for.

I mean, when a guy
starts seeing things...

You don't believe that I
saw those little men just now,

or anytime?

Pyle, that's not important...
Whether I believe you or not.

I just want you to know
one thing, Sergeant...

I didn't lie to you,
and I never will.


(engine revving)

Say, buddy, uh...

didn't happen to
see a watch, did you?

I think I lost it
someplace around here.

Hey, Russ!

I found it! I found it!

Here it is.

Oh, great.

Where did you find it?

(horn honking)

Well, how about it?
We can't wait any longer.

What is it with you
people anyway?

Two of you looking for a watch,

one of you sacked
out asleep someplace.

Come on, get in the bus.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You guys been here all day?

You making a movie?

Yeah, that's right.

A movie about space

and flying saucers
and everything?

(horn honking) That's right.

Look, buddy, I got to go.

Listen, am I glad to see you.

Yeah? Yeah!


He saw 'em. He
really did see them.

That's it, that's it.

So what you saw, Pyle,

was just some guys
making a movie, that's all.

For gosh sakes, Sergeant,

that sure relieves my mind.

A movie... think of that.

Well, if you had
any brains, Pyle,

you'd have known
immediately that's what it was.

I mean, things like that

always have a
logical explanation.

You knew right
away, huh, Sergeant?

Of course. The minute
I laid eyes on them.

Boy, sure looked like
the real thing to me.

But the main thing
is that you know

that I wasn't lying to you.

That's all I care about.

Yeah, but you
did the right thing

coming to me right off
and telling me about it.

You should never be
afraid to come to me

and tell me about
anything that bothers you.

If you can't figure it
out, I'll help you with it.

Will you remember that?

I sure am glad to hear
you say that, Sergeant,

'cause there is something
I was afraid to tell you.

Yeah, what is it?

Well, you won't be
angry with me, will you?

Of course not. You
heard what I just said.

And you will believe
me, won't you, Sergeant?

I'll believe you. I'll
believe you. What is it?

Well, last night, right
before I went to sleep,

there was the funniest noise

coming from
underneath the barracks,

and since you
took my troll doll,

I hate to think what it is.

Do you think that underneath
the barracks we might...

Knock it off, Pyle!

Get back to work and
finish them windows!

Move it, move it!

Of all the dumb
lamebrained ideas.