Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 3, Episode 25 - Sing a Song of Papa - full transcript

Gomer wins an amateur nightclub contest singing "Oh My Papa". The club owner tries to intimidate Sergeant Carter into letting Gomer sing it again. Gomer does sing it again, this time in Italian for the club owners papa.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Here's a couple of pictures
you might like, Duke.

Over at the Alhambra Theater,

they're playing The Curse
of the Tattooed Mummy

and The Witch Doctor's Revenge.

Says it's "blood-curdling
and bone-chilling.

"A shriek a minute.

Recommended for
sophisticated, mature audiences."

I don't think so, Gomer.

Well, over at the Vista Theater,

they're having a
Rochelle Hudson festival.

Gomer, give me that newspaper.

Boy, if there's anything I hate,

it's an unplanned
Saturday night.

Well, if you don't want to go

to the picture show,
Duke, what then?

I don't know.

Let's go over to the Jade Club

and have something to drink.

Well... What's the matter?

Don't you like the Jade Club?

It's not that.

It's just that that waitress
always looks at me funny

when I order a Shirley
Temple on the rocks.

Come on.

Look, Duke...
They're doing it again.

They're having
amateur night. Yeah.

Do you remember the
night you won first prize

for doing that imitation
of Sergeant Carter?

Sure do. Do it again.
Do Sergeant Carter.

I hadn't seen you do
that since that night.

Come on, Gomer.
Oh, come on, Duke.

Please? Just a little.

Well, okay.

All right, Pyle, you lamebrain,

you nitwit, you knucklehead,

when I give you an
order, I give you an order!

Is that clear? I can't hear you!

Doggone, how you do that!

Well, what do you
say? We go on in?

Why not? You may
win first prize again.

Oh, no, no, I don't
want to do that again.

Oh, come on, Duke, please.

Gomer, forget it.

Now, if we're going
in, let's go. Come on.

(imitating Carter): On the
double! Move it! Move it! Move it!

(band playing upbeat tune)

I just love tap dancing,
don't you, Duke?

I like it especially

when they do an
imitation of a railroad train.

Yeah. That's
probably her big finish.

(song ends, applause)

Hey, how about that,
ladies and gentlemen, huh?

Miss Candy Rosenzweig.

Didn't she do a swell job?

Thank you very much, Candy.

Thank you very much.

And now, ladies and
gentlemen, for our next guest

on our Opportunity Night, we
have Mr. Stanley Chudacoff.

Now, Stanley is a
juggler in his spare time,

but his real job is being
an accountant for the city.

So, you see, when he's
not juggling oranges,

he's juggling the books.

(laughs) All right,
ladies and gentlemen,

Stanley Chudacoff!

Come on up here, Stanley.

There you go, buddy.

Okay, pal. Take it
easy, now, Stanley.

You're on your own.

(band plays light tune)

You know something, Duke?

It's a lot like it
was last time.

I don't mean to put
these people down,

but I'll bet you you
could go up there

and just walk
away with first prize.

(applause) Forget it, Gomer.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

Stanley is going to bring
you the grand finale of his act.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Stanley Chudacoff is going
to juggle a half a dozen eggs.

If you won't do Sergeant Carter,

then do some of the ones
you do around the barracks.

You know, like Jimmy
Durante or Boris Karloff.

You do Boris Karloff real good.

You even get to look like him.

Yeah, but Gomer, I
don't feel like it tonight.

Well, that was just like the
way it was last time. Last time...

(cymbals crash)
Shh! Hold it, Gomer.

Well, better luck
next time, Stanley.

But it was a good try, wasn't
it, ladies and gentlemen?

Let's give Stanley a nice little
hand here, folks. Come on, huh?

(applause) Good boy.
Thank you, Stanley.

That's all, and
thank you very much.

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
that's all the contestants

we had lined up
for this evening,

unless, of course there's
some other talented amateur

out there in the audience

who would like to come
up here on the stage

and show us what
he or she can do.

How about it,
folks? Anyone else?

Yes, sir. There's someone else.

Gomer! M.C.: Well,
good, we've got

another contestant,
and a Marine!

What do you do, son?

Well, no, sir. You
see... He sings!

Yes, sir, that's what
he does, he sings! Huh?

He's got a beautiful
voice. Wait'll you hear.

Well, a singing
Marine. Wonderful!

Let's get him up here, folks.

Come on, gang!

No! Wait, Duke. Come on, Gomer.

They want to hear you sing.

Listen to the
applause. Come on...

Come right up here.


And be careful you don't slip.

There's still some
egg white over here.

Sir, there's something
I'd like to explain.

What's your name,
Private? Gomer Pyle.

But you see, I'm not the
one that was... Oh, I know.

I know what you're going
to say... you're not prepared.

But your buddy out there said
you've got a fine singing voice.

Now, don't worry about
the band. They'll follow you.

Now, what's it
going to be, Gomer?

Well, no, there must be
some mistake. You see...

Now, wait a minute.
That's not like a Marine.

You're not going to
back down now, are you?

Maybe he needs a
little encouragement,

ladies and gentlemen, huh?

Now, what's it going to be?

Well, there is one song
that I like a whole lot.

Yes? It's... (whispers):
"Oh, My Papa."

Do they know it?

Of course they know it.


(piano plays slow,
gentle melody)

♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ To me he was so wonderful ♪

♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ To me he was so good ♪

♪ No one could be ♪

Hey, Frank, give me
what you got in the register.

♪ So gentle and so loveable ♪

♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ He always understood ♪

♪ Gone are the days ♪

♪ When he would
take me on his knee ♪

♪ And with a smile ♪

♪ He'd change my
tears to laughter ♪

♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ So funny, so adorable ♪

♪ Always the clown ♪

♪ So funny in his way ♪

♪ Oh, my papa ♪


♪ To me he was so wonderful ♪

♪ Deep in my heart ♪

♪ I miss him so ♪

♪ Today. ♪

(song ends)


Hey, how about that?

Wasn't that beautiful?

That's wonderful,
wonderful, wonderful!

Thank you. That's
real fine, Gomer.

Oh, no, no, no, no, don't
go away. We need you.

Stand right over there.

Now, if we can get all
our contestants up here.

This'll be it, folks.
This is the time.

The moment of truth.

Now we're going to judge
it strictly by applause.

This is Sam Griffith,
ladies and gentlemen.


Thank you, Sam.

Miss Candy Rosenzweig.


Ah, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Stanley Chudacoff.


(loud applause and whistling)

There's no doubt
who number one is.

Wonderful, wonderful.

Thank you very,
very much, folks.

Thank you very, very much,
and, uh, better luck next time.

Thank you.

Right over here, Gomer.

That's fine, yes. Good deal.

And congratulations.

And, uh, here is
your check for $25

with the best wishes of the
management of the Jade Club.

Golly! (laughs)

Let's hear it for
Private Gomer Pyle,

ladies and gentlemen.

Huh? How about that?

(band plays "Marine Hymn")

Oh, great, buddy, great!

How about that?

And you didn't
want to go up there.

You sorry now? Golly, Duke.

What a surprise.

Hey, you, the boss
wants to see you.


Nino, the boss... he
wants to see you. Come on.

Why do you suppose
his boss wants to see me?

I don't know. Maybe he
wants his money back.

(knocking at door)

Come in.

Come on in.

I tell you why I wanted
to talk to you, kid.

You sing real good,
you know that?

Oh, well, thank you.

Yeah, you sing real good.

I really enjoyed that.

Uh, it was my idea
to get him up there.

Did you know that?

You know, that song you sung

just got to me right
here, you know?


He wouldn't have gone
up there if not for me.

Now that particular song you
was singing really shakes me up.

You see, I got an old man
still living over there in Naples,

and, well, I ain't seen
him in a long time, and...

You know, it kind of got to me.

Golly, I hope it didn't
make you feel bad.

Oh, no, no, it didn't
make me feel bad.

It made me feel good.

It gave me a nice, warm
feeling inside, you know?

I think so. Well, then it's

a good thing I got
him up there, huh?

I'll tell you what
I'd like you to do.

I'd like you to come
back tomorrow night

and sing it again.

The same song, just like
you did tonight, all right?

Well, I'll be
happy to, Mister...

Nino. Hey, that's
great, kid, great!

Hey, don't worry. I'll
have him here for you.

In the meantime,
you go in the club,

enjoy yourself, have
anything you like.

Joe, take care of him, will ya?

What are you having?
Well, I was having...

You don't have to
do that, Mr. Nino.

I was having...

I know, but I want to do it.

Come on. What were you having?

Well, I was having a
Shirley Temple on the rocks.

Well, what are you standing for?

Go get him a Shirley
Temple on the rocks.

Oh, well, just a minute.

That's not what I was having.

I was having...

Right after morning chow,
you guys have got ten minutes

to get your packs and gear
and prepare for a ten-mile hike.



Oh, Pyle!

Yes, Sergeant?

What did you do
last night, Pyle?

Oh, well...

Did you hear about
that, Sergeant?

Hear about what, Pyle?

Well, I was over
at the Jade Club,

and they had this
amateur contest.

And guess what? I won
first prize for singing a song.

And I was the one that
suggested the whole thing, Sarge.

PYLE: That's right.
It was all Duke's idea.

And Mr. Nino, the
owner of the Jade Club...

He invited me back tonight
to sing again, the same song.

Yeah, I got him right up there.


Well, I'll tell you one thing
you don't win a prize in.

That's rifle cleaning.

You had a dirty rifle
this morning, Pyle!

I'm sorry about that, Sergeant.

If there's one
thing I can't stand,

it's a dirty rifle
before breakfast.

And you had a dirty rifle, Pyle.

Dirty, dirty, dirty.

So instead of running around

singing at nightclubs, you
should have stood home

and cleaned your rifle
last night, dirty person.

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

I'll clean it up real good.

Oh, you'll clean
it up, all right.

You'll clean it up
so it looks real pretty

and shines and smells nice.

And then after you
clean it up real good,

then you'll walk a
little guard duty tonight.


Tonight, dirty person! Tonight!

Well, there goes your return
appearance at the Jade Club.

Golly, Duke, you just
got to do me a favor.

Would you go by the
Jade Club and tell Mr. Nino

that I won't be able
to come tonight?

I hate to disappoint him.
Tell him I'm walking guard.

Okay. Well, why don't I
tell him the real reason?


That you're a dirty person.

He's doing what?!

Well, he's walking
guard duty, like I said.

He can't do that to me.

I was expecting him to
come down to the club tonight

so I could hear that song again.

Oh, I'd like to get my hands
on that crummy sergeant! I...

Where's my friend
walking his guard duty?

Huh? Why?

'Cause I want to go
see him, that's why.

Oh. Well, civilians
aren't allowed there,

so I don't think
you... Hey, Smiley!


Nino asked you a question.

Answer him.

Well, it's at the rear
gate at the base.

Okay. So, show us the
way how you get there.

Oh, well, I don't think
you guys ought to go there.

They don't allow
civilians to have...

Let's go, Smiley.

Hey, Sergeant.

Hello, dirty person.

Did you get your dirty
rifle clean, dirty person?

I sure did, Sergeant,
it's really clean.

Remember how you said
it should even smell clean?

Well, it does.

Do you want to smell my rifle?


And let this be a
lesson to you, Pyle.

If you don't want
to walk guard duty

the rest of your life,

you keep that
rifle of yours clean.

Yes, Sergeant.


There he is.

Good. Call him over.

Well, he's walking guard duty,

and when you walk
guard duty, you're...

I'll call him, I'll call him.



Duke, what are you...?

Mr. Nino?

Hello, kid.

Didn't Duke explain to you

why I couldn't come
down to the club?

Oh, yeah, sure, he explained.

Uh, look, kid, what
are you doing this for?

You know, you can
get a night watchman

for a buck and a half
an hour to do this for you.

Oh, I couldn't
do that, Mr. Nino.

I have to do this myself.

It's orders from my sergeant.

So can't you come
down to the club

and sing that song for me?

How long can it take you?

They won't even
know you're gone.

Oh, I couldn't leave my
post, Mr. Nino, I just couldn't.

There has to be a
guard on this gate.

Now, listen to me, Gomer.

I got to hear that song
again, you understand?

I-I got to hear it again.

It does something to me inside.

What do you say?

Huh? What do you say?


Just turn off your lights and
back the car up over there.


Please just do what I say.

All right, let's go.

PYLE: ♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ To me he was so wonderful ♪

♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ To me he was so good ♪

♪ No one could be ♪

♪ So gentle and so lovable ♪

♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ He always understood. ♪


Y-You're kidding, huh?

What, did you suddenly go nuts?

Singing on guard duty?

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

I was just singing
the song I sang

at the Jade Club
the other night.

I'm sorry.

You're sorry?!

I'll give you something
to be sorry about.

You're going to sing your
way into a court-martial.

Now, you keep that big
bazoo of yours shut, Pyle,

and just walk guard duty.

You read me?

Yes, Sergeant.

Singing on guard duty.

He's a flip job, that's
what it is, a flip job.

Sergeant made him
shut up; it had to happen.

Well, look, I-I think I'll
get out now, fellas, okay?

Yeah, sure.

You know, that sergeant's
beginning to bug me.

Me, too.

Hey, Nino,

why don't me and Frank go
try and find that sergeant, huh?

We'll take care of him.

No! What, are you crazy?

Oh, we don't want
to kill him, boss...

just break something
like an arm, a foot,

you know, just to scare him.

Hold it, stupid.

Don't you know it ain't nice
to hurt a Marine sergeant?

I'm gonna try something else,
though... psychological pressure.

What's that?

You'll see.

All right, let's go.

A package for me?
Who from? I don't know.

It was just delivered,
and it's pretty big.

I wonder what it is.

I wasn't expecting anything.

What's that?

I'm not stubborn,
Boyle, I'm not stubborn.

Yeah, but all he wants to do
is hear Pyle sing, so let him.

You don't know who you're
getting involved with here.

Look, what's the
matter with you, Boyle?

You think I'm gonna
let some creep

who runs a nightclub scare me?

No, but why look for trouble?

Who's looking for trouble?

I give the orders around here

and nobody is going to scare me

or threaten me or intimidate me.

Because you know
something, Boyle?

I don't scare easy.

Sarge. I just don't.

Sarge. Hmm?

I wasn't thinking,
I wasn't thinking.

(phone rings)

B Company. Corporal
Boyle speaking.

Hmm? Oh, yeah. Well,
I'll have to get him for you.

Hold on, please.

Who's that?

It's for Pyle.

So what's with the
personal phone calls?

It's that crummy sergeant.

I can hear him yelling.

How about a broken thumb, huh?

Not the whole
hand, just the thumb.


Oh, hey there.

No, I don't think so.

No, I better not, on account of

I know what the
answer is gonna be.

Yeah, I'm sure I know what
the answer is going to be.

Well, okay.

Sergeant Carter?


That was the answer, all right.

Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

Well, I just couldn't.

Well... all right.

♪ Oh, my papa ♪

♪ To me he was so wonderful ♪

♪ Oh, my papa... ♪

Give me that!

We're signing off now.

You get back to your
barracks on the double.

You hear me?! Yes, Sergeant.

This is a Marine base run
by Marines, not civilians,

and we don't change
our plans around here

just because some
civilian makes a request

or makes threats.

You got that?
Well, yes, Sergeant.

Out! Out! Out!

Out, out, out, out!

And you can tell your
friends I don't scare easy!

You hear that?

They can make all
the threats they want,

but Vince Carter
don't scare easy.


I wasn't thinking,
I wasn't thinking.

Hey, Sarge? Yeah?

Don't look now,

but I think that car back
there is following us.

What's the matter
with you, Boyle?

I don't think
they're following us.

Walk fast.

Hey, Sarge.


Just keep walking.

Don't even look at 'em.

Walk fast, walk fast.


What's the matter?

How many times you going
to let 'em scare you, Boyle?

Come on.

You see?

There ain't even
anybody in there.


I know. Walk fast, walk fast.

(loud popping)

Hit the deck!

(both laughing)

Where's Pyle?

Is he in his barracks?

I didn't see him. Why?

Why? I want him to know
I can fight a war of nerves

as well as anybody, that's why.

You can tell him that
when you see him.


Well, as long as his buddies
keep trying to scare me,

the Jade Club is
off limits to him.

You can tell him that, too.

Why take it out on him, Sarge?

It's not his fault.

All I know is, ever
since I told him

he couldn't go into town
and sing at that club,

well, I been getting
scares thrown at me.

Well, it's not going
to work because...

Aw, I'll tell him myself.

JOE: Hey, Carter.

Hey, Sergeant Carter.

Over here, Carter.

Hello, Sergeant.


You want to come
with us, Sergeant?

Are you guys crazy?

On a Marine base?

If you...

Let's go, Sarge, in the car.

You guys are
letting yourselves in

for a lot of trouble,
a lot of trouble.

Hey, Sergeant.

Pyle, what are you doing here?

Didn't I tell you this
place was off limits to you?

What are you doing here?!

Well, I... I asked
you a question, Pyle.

Never mind.

Look, I want to know
what's going on here

because you guys are
going to be in plenty of trouble.

You know what you're
fooling around with?

Government property.

Yeah, that's what I am...
Government property.

What did you bring me
down here for anyway?

Take it easy, Sergeant.

It was Gomer's idea
to bring you down.


That's right, Sergeant.

You see, when
Mr. Nino here sent for me

and showed me the big surprise,

first thing I thought
about was you

and how you should be in
on it since it was all your fault.

What are you
talking about, Pyle?

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Who's that?

Oh, this is my papa.


You see, when you wouldn't
let me come down here

and sing that "Papa" song,

Mr. Nino even did
better than that.

He sent for his daddy
all the way from Naples.

How about that?

(both speaking Italian)

(speaking Italian)

Bless his heart.

(continues speaking Italian)

(fanfare plays)

Mr. Nino, the owner
of this nightclub,

asked me to sing
this particular song

for a very special occasion...

To welcome his daddy
who just come to this country.

Hey, Papa Gregorio.


And since this is such
a special occasion,

I learned how to sing this
song in a very special way.

(piano playing gentle intro)

(singing "Oh, My
Papa" in Italian)

(speaks Italian)

(Gomer continues singing)

(speaking Italian)

(mutters in Italian)

(theme music playing)

(theme music playing)