Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 3, Episode 18 - Go Blow Your Horn - full transcript

Sergeant Carter gets Gomer to try out for the U.S. Marine band. Gomer is accepted into the band as a tuba player but then declines the offer when he learns that he'd be separated from the Sergeant for a year.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

Left, right, left,
right, left, right, left...


Order arms!

Right face!

Well, that was real sharp, men.

Nice and crisp.

I've seen better marchers
in protest parades!

Lucky for you, I'm sick
of looking at your faces,

or I'd cancel your
weekend passes!

But, next Saturday,
you'd better shape up!

You read me?


(band music playing)


Hmm? Oh, did you say
something to me, Sergeant?

Didn't you hear me, Pyle?

I just dismissed the platoon.

Oh, I'm sure sorry, Sergeant.

I wasn't paying any attention.

I was listening to the band.


The marching band.
Don't you hear them?

They're still out there
on the parade ground.

I tell you one thing, Sergeant.

March music always
has been my weakness.

I remember, when we
were in grade school,

they used to play "The National
Emblem March" on the phonograph,

and all of us kids would
join hands together

and go marching off to class.

Pyle, okay, if you want to
spend your weekend pass

standing out here
listening to bands,

it's okay with me.

Thank you, Sergeant. Thank you.

Just listen at those
trumpets blaring.

I tell you, that just covers
me with goose bumps all over.

Look there, Sergeant.
Goose bumps! Look!


(ukulele music playing)

What's that?

I don't know. Music?

Probably some eight ball
left his transistor radio on

in the barracks.

Why don't you go
turn it off, Boyle?

I can't concentrate.

(ukulele music playing)

(ukulele music continues)

I thought you were
going to turn off that radio.

Oh, it's not a radio, Sarge.

It's Pyle. He's
playing a ukulele.

He's what? Well, why
didn't you stop him?

Make him quit?

Oh, he wasn't doing
any harm, Sarge.

He's off duty and
all alone in there.

I didn't have the heart.

Well, have the
heart. Have the heart!

Go back there and make him stop

or we'll never get
anything done around here.

He didn't have the heart.


Oh, hey, Corporal. I
didn't hear you come in.

Pyle, the sergeant and I

are trying to catch up
on some paperwork.

Try and hold it down, will you?

Oh, was I disturbing you?

I'm sorry, Corporal. I'll quit.

Good. By the way,
Pyle, you're not bad.

Thank you, Corporal.

It's just something I
picked up back home on TV

on the educational channel.

(distant tooting)

What is that?

Beats me. Sounds
like some kind of static.

Well, go check it out, will you?

Right, Sarge.


(tooting continues)

(playing a tune)

(tooting continues)

Well, what is it?

It's Pyle again.

Pyle? What did he do,
open up a peanut stand?

He's got one of
those sweet potatoes.

You know, an ocarina.

What? Well, why didn't
you take it away from him?

I know. He's on his own time,

he's all alone, and you
didn't have the heart.

That's right.

Well, I got the heart.

Just watch me.

(playing a tune)


Oh, hey, Sergeant.

Golly! Was I
disturbing you again?

What is it, Pyle?

What's with the
concert this morning?

Well, let me tell you
about that, Sergeant.

I sent away to Del Rio, Texas,

for a whole bunch
of instruments,

and I just got them yesterday.

Cheap, too. Look here.

I got myself a ukulele
and a slide whistle

and an ocarina and some bongos.

Got the whole bunch
of them for $7.95.

And an autographed
picture of Tex Ritter.

Is this it?

Yes, sir. Boy, didn't
I get a bargain?

I'm confiscating it, Pyle.

Do you understand that? Huh?

Confiscating! Confiscating!

And do you want to know why?

Because this is a Marine base,

not a conservatory of music.

But, Sergeant...
It's confiscated!

When your enlistment in
the Marine Corps is over,

it will be returned
to you but, till then...

It's confiscated. Right.

Well, I sure am sorry, Sergeant.

But, since you're going
to take all the instruments,

you might as well take this
autographed picture of Tex Ritter, too.

That's how much heart it takes.

Now maybe we can get
something done around here.

Oh, Mr. Nice Guy.

I suppose you would have
let him just go on blowing

on that stupid thing,
playing the ukulele,

hitting them bongo drums?

That's not the point.

No? What's the point?

The point is that Pyle
can be a knucklehead...

I know that... and the
one time you got to get rid

of some musical
instruments, and another time

you got to get rid of something
else that's annoying you.

Yeah, yeah. So what's the point?

Well, the point is,
it's not the things

you want to get rid of.

You want to get rid of Pyle.

What are are you,
some kind of psychiatrist?

You don't have to be a
psychiatrist. It's simple.

Huh? Well, face it, Sarge,

You can take things away
from Pyle because they bug you,

but you won't be satisfied

until you get rid of
Pyle himself. Right?

Isn't that right?

You know something, Boyle?

It's not just a matter
of getting rid of Pyle.

It's a matter of getting him
properly placed in the Marine Corps.

After all, I have
his welfare at heart,

and I just don't think
he's properly placed here!

Yeah? Yeah.

I got an idea for Pyle,
and you gave it to me.

What? Exile?

It's just one chance in maybe
a thousand, but it's worth a try.

What are you going to do?

It's a long shot, but like
I said, it's worth a try.

Sergeant Carter. Corporal Boyle.

Was I disturbing you again?

No, Pyle. I just want to
return something to you.

Here. They're unconfiscated.

But I thought I
was disturbing you.

No. You weren't disturbing
me as much as I thought.

In fact, when I got
back to the office

and started telling about
how much you love music,

I realized that maybe
I acted a little hasty.

Listen, Pyle, you
do like music, huh?

Sergeant, music
is a part of my life.

I never knew that.

And I started thinking

about you standing
out there this morning

listening to that band.

And the look on your face.

If you like music that much,
who am I to deprive you?

Golly! Thank you, Sergeant.

Uh... Tell me this, Pyle.

Do you know
anything about music?

Anything at all?

The way you handled that
ukulele and that ocarina,

you must have had
some musical training.

Oh, I can read notes.

You can? You really can?

Uh-huh. You see,
back home in Mayberry,

I sang in the church
choir for over a year.

And, even if I do say so myself,

I pick up on instruments
real easy-like.

No kidding? That's
very interesting, Pyle.

You can read music.

Now, listen, Pyle.

Here's my next question.

But think about it very
carefully before you answer.

Pyle, suppose... just suppose...

You could play in the
band right here on the base.

Would you like that?

Me? In the band? Uh-huh.

Golly, Sergeant, I can't imagine
that in my wildest dreams.

Well, you never can
tell about dreams, Pyle.

Sometimes they come true.

In the meantime, just play away!

But, Sergeant, won't
I be disturbing you?

O-Oh, no! It'll be
nice in the office.

Like having piped-in music.

The bongo drums, too?

The bongo drums. Anything.
Just play, Pyle. Play!

Gomer Pyle? Who's he?

I'll tell you who he is, Gilroy.

Gomer Pyle is one of the
most dedicated musicians

I've ever met.

His whole life is
wrapped up in music.

Right, Boyle?

Oh, yeah. He
loves music all right.

Oh, yeah? Cool it, you guys!

I'll see you tomorrow!

What I don't get, Carter,

is if he's so wild
to be in the band,

why didn't he put in
for it in the first place?

I knew you were going
to ask me that, Gilroy.

And I'll tell you why.

Because he's the kind of guy

that likes to do
first things first.

Huh? He wanted to make good

as an infantryman.

And let me tell
you, he's done that.

Because, whatever Pyle
does, he does to perfection.

'Cause that's the
kind of person he is.

Right, Boyle?

Oh, yeah. He's real dedicated.

If you like him so much,

how come you're
willing to lose him?

I'll tell you how come.

Because he's a kid who's
done a good job for me.

He's worked hard, conscientious.

Now he wants to move
on, and I want to help him.

Let me tell you
something, Gilroy.

You take this Pyle
under your wing,

work with him, be
patient, and I guarantee

you'll end up with a
hardworking, dedicated bandsman.

All right. He sounds fine.

But there's no sense
in talking about it now

because, in another week,
the band goes on tour.

On tour?

Yeah. We're going to play
bases all over the world.

Our first stop is Iceland.

Iceland? You're
going to Iceland?

That's right.

Frank, you got to take him.

Give this kid a chance.

If you let a talent
like this go to waste,

it will be a crime.

I don't see how...

Oh, come on,
Frank. Let's face it.

How many times have
you had a pitch like this

from a sergeant for
one of his men? Huh?

At least talk to him.
Give him a chance.

All right, bring him around.
I'll see what I can do.

Oh, thanks, Gilroy. Thanks.

Believe me. You'll
never regret it.

Come on, Boyle. Let's
give Pyle the good news.

Oh, Carter?

This protégé of yours...
What instrument does he play?

Uh... instrument?

Wh-What instrument do you need?

Oh, I could always use...

He'll play it! He'll play it!

I don't believe it! I
just don't believe it!

He wants to see me?

You mean there's really a
chance of me being in the band?

I'd say there's a good chance.

Golly! How about that?

There's just one
problem, though.

What will I play?

I know the band don't
have an ocarina section.

Oh, well, that's true, Pyle,

but like I told Gilroy,

a musician like you
can fit in anywhere.

Anyway, you said you could
pick up instruments real easy.

Well, yeah, Sergeant, but
with all his fine musicians...

Oh, don't worry about them.

All you got to do
is convince Gilroy

how dedicated you are.

That you'll do anything
to get in the band.

Beg. Plead with him.

Tell him you'll turn pages

or shine up the horns.

Tell him how good
you are at shining brass.

I will, Sergeant. I will.

Why, being in that band

would be the most wonderful
thing that ever happened to me.

Yeah, it would be wonderful.

Well, don't just
stand there, Pyle.

Get over there
and talk to Gilroy.

He's waiting for you.

Golly, Sergeant,

I'm so overwhelmed
with gratitude.

I don't even know
how to thank you.

Relax, Sarge.

If he gets in, he gets in.

There's nothing
you can do about it.

But when Gilroy sees
how dedicated he is,

he'll find a spot
for him, won't he?

Don't you think, huh? Oh, sure.

And especially when he
sees how anxious you are

to get Pyle properly placed.

Oh, why don't you stop?

The fact is, I do want

to get him properly placed.

And in the band, in Iceland,

oh, what a proper place.

(tuba music playing)

What is that?

I don't know.

Sounds like it's coming
from the barracks.


It's probably the plumbing
again in the shower

They were supposed to fix it.

Go check on it, will you?

(tuba music continues)


You got to see this
for yourself, Vince.

It's not the plumbing?

There's your plumbing.

Pyle, don't tell me.

Hey, Sergeant.

You're in, you're in.
You made the band?

Well, no, I'm not
exactly in the band yet.

What do you mean, you're
not in the band yet, Pyle?

What are you
doing with that tuba?

They don't issue
those to everybody.

Well, you see, Sergeant Gilroy
gave me this to practice on.

He wants me to be a standby

for his regular tuba player.

A standby, huh?

Uh-huh. He's going
to audition me Monday,

and if I do real good,

there's a chance of me
really being in the band.

A real chance?

You think you got
a real chance, Pyle?

Well, Sergeant Gilroy
was really encouraging.

He said I had good lung power

and the right shaped lips.

Yeah, well, I
always thought that.

I never knew about the lungs,

but I could tell your
lips were the right shape.

What happens next, Pyle?

Well, Sergeant Gilroy
spent about two hours

with me showing me
how to hold the tuba

and how to work the
valves and everything.

And after he
finished, I could play it.

I told you I picked up on
instruments real easy-like.

No kidding?

Listen to this.

(playing two notes repeatedly)

What's that?

Don't you recognize it?

That the "Stars and
Stripes Forever."

The "Stars and Stripes Forever"?

Uh-huh. You see,
when I'm going...

(playing notes)

the rest of the band is going...

(humming melody)

Hey, that's great, great, Pyle!

Doesn't that sound good, Boyle?

Oh, yeah, there's
no mistaking that.

It's a tuba.

Thank you for the
nice compliment.

But alongside a
professional tuba player,

I'm just an amateur.

Oh, look, Pyle, it doesn't
make any difference

what you are.

Just as long as you're good
enough to get into the band.

That's all any of us care about.

Well, with all your fine
encouraging and compliments,

how can I miss?

All I got to do now is practice.

Yeah, Pyle, practice, practice.

Let's not waste any time.

Sure I won't be disturbing you?

Oh, no, Pyle, nothing
you do from now on

is going to disturb us.

Just practice, keep practicing.

(two notes playing repeatedly)

(pounding on door)

Who is it? Come in.

Sarge... Sergeant Carter.

Yeah, what are you
guys doing up at this hour?

Listen, Sarge,
don't you hear it?

Hear what?

That honking. it's
Pyle, Tubby the Tuba.

He's playing in the latrine.

So he's playing the tuba.
What do you want from me?

Well, Sarge, it's
Sunday morning...

Our only day to sleep.

I tried to talk to him,

he said you wanted
him to practice.

That's right. He's
trying out for the band

and he needs all the
practice he can get.

But does he have to start in the middle
of the night? The whole barracks is up.

Well, tomorrow's his
big day to audition.

He wants to be ready and
he's got his heart set on it.

Sarge, that honking...
It sounds like a foghorn.

A foghorn?

Is that any way to
talk about a musician?

What, are you jealous

because he's got
talent and you haven't?

Let's show a little

Oh, but, Sarge...

Oh, come on, it's time
you guys were up anyway.

It'll give you a chance
to air out your mattresses.

Well, move, move, move, move,
move, move, move, move, move!


(tuba playing continues)

All right, at ease.

Training schedule
for today is as follows:

We'll start with a run
over the obstacle course,

followed by machine
gun and mortar practice,

with the balance of the morning
spent on hand-to-hand combat.

Any questions?

All right.

The following men
are excused from duty...

Pyle... (tuba playing)



(tuba playing continues)

Sergeant Carter.

Yes, sir.

That noise coming
from your barracks...

what is that?

Well, sir, it's one of my men.

What's he doing?

Practicing, sir.

That noise is a tuba.

You see, sir, he's auditioning
for the band this afternoon,

and he's so anxious
to make good,

I thought that a few
extra hours practice

would make the difference.

That's very
commendable, Sergeant,

but noise can be
a little distracting...

Especially during duty hours.

I suggest you find him
another place to practice.

Another place, sir?

A room with more privacy
and plenty of insulation.

Yes, sir.

I'm sure I'll be able
to find something.

(playing melody)

Nice going, Sarge.

You really found him
a great practice room.

How are we going to work?

It had to be.

Where else could I take him?

I don't know, but can't we
at least open up a window

or a door to get
some air in here?

No, no, they'll hear him.

Well, we hear him
and it's murder.

It's temporary, just temporary.

Remember, today Camp Henderson,

tomorrow Iceland.

Boy, if we can last.

He needs all the
practice he can get.

He's got to be ready
by this afternoon.

Yeah, yeah.

It's temporary, just temporary.

(phone ringing)

Sergeant Carter here.

Oh, yes, sir, Lieutenant.


You're over in the
administration building

and you can still hear him?

Oh, yes, sir.

We'll find another
place for him.

Right away, sir.


(playing melody)

Sergeant Carter?
Sergeant Carter?

Sergeant Carter?

What is it, Pyle?

I've been practicing
all afternoon, Sergeant.

I think I'm about ready.

No, Pyle, you
still got an hour left

before your audition.

Keep practicing,
keep practicing.

Okay, but I sure hope
Sergeant Gilroy likes me.

Oh, he will, Pyle. You
sound great, just great.

Well, here we are,
Sergeant, right on time.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, don't just
sit there, Boyle,

help him with his tuba.

Save his breath.

Besides, Sergeant, if I'm
going to be in the band,

I got to do my
own tuba carrying.

Now before you go in, Pyle,

is everything okay?

Do you feel all right?
You're not nervous?

So, Sergeant, I'm just fine.

Raring to go.

Good, good.

I know how much this
audition means to you.

I mean getting in
the Marine Band.

That's true, Sergeant.

And if I make it...

No "ifs." You're gonna make it.

Remember, you're
gonna. You gotta.

Well, if I do make it,

I'll owe it all to you

because it was all your idea.

I never will be able
to thank you enough.

Well, don't worry
about that, Pyle.

I'll be thanked.

Just knowing you're
a part of the band

will be plenty of thanks.

Well, I guess I'd
better get going.


Hey! Sergeant Gilroy.

Hi, Gilroy.

We brought your tuba player.


How's he doing?

Can we say he's
officially in the band?

Looks good. Very good.

Let's go, Pyle.

We're due inside.

Right. See you later,
Sergeant Carter.

Do you see that?

Did you see that?

He's in, Boyle, he's in!

Gilroy likes him!

It sure looks that way.

Gilroy likes him
and I love Gilroy!

Who would have believed it?

Yeah, who?

Well, come on,
let's start getting

his transfer ready.

Here you are,
Sarge, all finished.

Pyle's transfer.

I never thought I'd
live to see the day.

Just what you
always wanted, huh?

Carter... Oh, hi, Gilroy.

You're just in time.

Here's Pyle's shot record,
his quartermaster issue

and his personnel file.

What's this all about?

It's his transfer.

He's transferring to
the band, ain't he?

You want him, don't you?

Sure, I want him, Vince.

Only he doesn't want us.

That's what I came
to tell you about. Huh?

Yeah, at the last
minute, he turned it down.

Look, I don't get it.

You come to me, you give
me a big pitch about him,

then I take him
and he turns it down.

He turned it down?

Like you said, he's
dedicated all right.

When the regular tuba player
saw how hard Pyle was working,

he thought he was
going to be replaced.

So then he started working,

and I think he
actually improved.

So I shouldn't
complain too much.

Pyle did me some good.

See you, Vince.

He turned it down.

Did you hear? He turned it down.

I heard.

What happened?

You try, you plan, then
everything falls apart.


Sergeant Carter, guess what...

What, Pyle, what?
I'd really like to know.

I thought you said you
wanted to join the band.

I did, Sergeant,

but boy, am I lucky I found out.

Found out what, Pyle, what?

Well, you didn't know
about it, Sergeant,

but the band's
going on a world tour.

Leaving for Iceland.

And I'd had to go with them,

and that meant that
we'd be separated.

And you probably wouldn't
have seen me for over a year.

Boy, are we lucky I found out.

Ain't we lucky,
Sergeant, ain't we?

Yeah, Pyle, we're lucky.

Real lucky.

Well, that's that.

Anything else we ought to do?

Yeah. Let's get started
on the supply requisitions.

If we finish up in time,

maybe we can take
in a movie in town.

Hey, that's a good idea.

We could use some relaxation.

That's for sure.

(drum beating)

Sarge, you don't think...

Don't think, just come on!

(drum beating)

Pyle, what do you
think you're doing?

Well, hey, Sergeant,
Corporal Boyle.

Sergeant Gilroy give
me this to practice on.

He wants me to the
standby drummer

for whenever the
band's on the base.

And I've been practicing.

Guess what this is.

You don't know?

It's "Semper Fidelis."

Semper Fidelis?

Uh-huh. You see,
while I'm going...

The rest of the band's going...

(humming melody)

(cymbals clashing)

(humming melody)