Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 3, Episode 14 - Whither the Weather - full transcript

Gomers weather forecasts prove to be more accurate than the National Weather Service, that is until it matters most.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

At ease.

I called you
platoon leaders here

because I need
your full cooperation.

I've just been informed

that a very close friend of mine

will be coming out
from Washington

at the end of this week
on official business.

And, well, considering how
many years we served together

in the same outfit
before he went civilian,



I'd like your
suggestions as to how

to make his welcome
an extra special one.

Well, sir, I think...

Colonel, I think the
first thing we ought to do

is to paint the
huts top to bottom

right down the company line.

It would smarten up
the area considerably.

And, since it's one of
our coming projects,

why not do it right now?

Yes. An excellent idea, Hacker.

Well, sir, I think...

And another thing, sir.

Knowing how the Colonel
probably has a big inspection in mind,

I think we ought to paint the
inside of each and every barracks.



Get 'em looking real sharp.

Good, Hacker. Very good.

I think maybe we ought to...

Another thing, sir,
last but not least,

I suggest that we GI all
the floors with steel wool.

Get 'em nice and white,
just like they was new!

Another good idea, Hacker.

You're right on the ball.

Sergeant Carter, you
wanted to add something?

Not anymore, sir.

Well, then, tomorrow morning,
I'll expect each of you men

to take Sergeant Hacker's
suggestions to heart

and start getting
your respective areas

in tip-top shape. Is that clear?

Aye, aye, sir.

Good. That'll be all. Dismissed.

You really know how to butter
the brass, don't you, Hacker?

What are you
talking about, Vince?

You know darn well
what I'm talking about.

Flapping your jaw in there

like there was
nobody else around.

Why don't you let
somebody else a word in?

Now, can I help it if I
think fast on my feet,

and you're slow?

You was hogging
the floor is all.

Just hogging it.

Oh, there was one other thing.

Do either of you have any ideas

in the way of some
sort of welcoming sign?

Nothing elaborate.

Well, I was...

We can build a wooden framework

in the shape of an
archway, and decorate it, sir.

Yes. Maybe so.

Very good, Hacker. Very good.

You see, Vince?

You're just slow, that's all.

You don't think
fast on your feet.

CARTER: All right, you
see them buckets of paint?

Now, I want you to get
busy and paint them barracks

as fast as your
little hands will go.

And I want it looking
good, too. Any questions?

Sergeant?

CARTER: I might have known.

Let me guess, Pyle.

You don't know which end
of the brush to use, right?

No, Sergeant.

You don't like the
color. It's too drab.

Or maybe you had
in mind wallpaper.

No, Sergeant.
I like it just fine.

I just wondered

if this is a special kind
of paint that dries fast.

Huh? On account,

if it's not, it's going to
streak something awful.

Pyle, what are
you talking about?

How is it going to streak?

From the rain,
Sergeant. From the rain.

Rain? From what rain?

Oh, it's going to
rain today, Sergeant.

It's going to rain
like everything.

From where? The sun?

It's going to rain from the sun?

All I know, Sergeant,
it's going to rain.

You can take my word for it.

Oh, really, Pyle?
You're positive, huh?

Yes, sir. But I can
check it again. May I?

Oh, yes. Maybe
you ought to do that.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

Yep. It's going to rain.

What was that?

That's how I tell
if it's going to rain.

What are you, some kind of nut?

No, Sergeant. You see, I was...

Okay, knock it off!

Now that we've had our
little laugh for the day,

we got some work to do.

Let's get with it!

Okay, you guys, grab a
bucket and a brush, and let's go!

On the double! Come on!

All right! Move, move,
move, move, move!

Move, move! Let's go.

I sure hope it don't
streak too badly, Sergeant.

Pyle, I'm warning you.

If you don't get busy
and grab a brush...

Yes, sir. That's what you want,

that's just what I'll do,

even if it is going to rain.

He's putting me on,
that's what he's doing.

He's putting me on.

Sure is weird.

How do you think he
is with earthquakes?

You think he can do
floods? Volcanoes?

(thunder rumbling)

What was that?

Sounded like thunder.

You sure?

You sure there isn't
artillery practice today?

No. It sounded like...
(thunder crashing)

Vince, it's raining.

Get them inside!

All right, you guys, inside!

Come on! Let's go!

Move! Move! Everybody inside!

I told you,
Sergeant! I told you!

Didn't I tell you it
was going to rain?

Get inside! Come on!

Move, move, move, move, move!

Hey, Vince!

What do you want, Hacker?

You mean to tell me you were
going to paint outside today?

Didn't you know it
was going to rain?

No, I didn't. Okay?

I thought you'd be smart enough

to have your guys
working inside.

That's where my
men are... inside.

I tell you what, though.

All you got to do
is keep repeating,

"Rain, rain, go away.
Come again some other day."

(laughing)

All right, let's get this
outdoor paint over to supply

and get the indoor stuff!

Well, come on! Let's
move, move, move, move!

Come on! Let's go!
Move it, move it, move it!

Move it, move it, move it!

I know! You told
me! You told me! Out!

All right. Now, thanks to
Supply being closed for inventory,

we lost a little ground to
the other platoons yesterday,

but we're going to
make up for it today.

We're going to make
up for it in spades!

Now, you may have noticed that
Sergeant Hacker and the others

have their boys painting
outside, but not us.

We're going to be
working inside today.

You think we're going to
get more rain, huh, Sarge?

I don't think, Slater. I know.

I got the official U.S.
Weather forecast

hot off the teletype
at headquarters.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

Later, Pyle.

But, Sergeant...
I said later, Pyle!

Like in two or three years, huh?

Now, as I was saying before
I was so stupidly interrupted,

about the weather forecast:

"Cloudy with light
drizzle in the morning

followed by heavy
rains in the afternoon."

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

What was that, Pyle?

Nothing, Sergeant.
Nothing at all.

No, no, no! Let's hear it, Pyle.

Let's hear it from
the nitwit corner.

Well, Sergeant,
it's going to be nice

and sunny today. Nice and sunny.

Pyle, it thought I read
this forecast loud and clear.

Yes. I heard.

And I hate to contradict
you, Sergeant,

but it's not going
to rain today.

Fact is, it's going
to be as bright

and sunshiny a day
as a man could ask for.

Really?

I guess it's all right

to paint inside if you want to,

but I think it's a shame
not to take advantage

of such a nice and sunny day.

Listen, Pyle. Just
because you guessed right

about the weather once
don't make you an expert.

Now, get busy and grab
a brush! You hear me?

Yes, sir. I won't
say another word.

You won't hear
another peep out of me.

Move it, move it, move it!

And that goes for all of you!

Come on! Let's clear the decks!

Fast and neat! Fast and neat!

All right, everybody
works! Everybody paints!

Yep. It's going to be
fair and clear today.

Wow! What a day!

Are you going to
start up now, too?

HACKER: Hey, Vince!

Don't tell me you got
your bunch working inside

on a beautiful day like this!

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

You lost some ground yesterday

trying to paint
outside in the rain.

Well, now, you hurry up

and finish in there,
Vincent. You hear? (laughs)

At the risk of losing
my head, Vince,

it doesn't look much like
it's going to rain, does it?

Just like Pyle said.

Couldn't we get
the guys outside?

No, we can't!

I've already requisitioned
the indoor paint for today.

We can't get the
outdoor stuff now.

Besides, did you read
the forecast for today?

It says it's going to rain.

So why do I have...?

(booming)

Wait a minute.

You hear that?

That's thunder! It's thunder!

It's not thunder?

They're having
artillery practice today.

Here it is, Vince.
Today's official forecast,

hot off the press.

Just what I was waiting for.

Fair and clear.
Yeah, now, that's

what I call a forecast!

You mean you still trust them

after the way they fouled
you up yesterday, huh?

Look, even the Weather Bureau

can make a mistake
once in a while.

So they blew it yesterday,

but they got to be right today.

I have to admit it's
a beautiful day out.

Right. And we'd better
take advantage of it, too,

if we ever want to catch up.

Now, here's what I want.

I want every living, breathing
body outside and painting

by 0800 hours. Right, Vince.

And no sick call, you
hear? No sick call.

I want everybody
out. Every last man!

Sergeant?

What do you want?

Well, I know it's
none of my business,

but I was just wondering where
you're planning to paint today.

None of your business?

Pyle, it's all of your business.

All day, it's going to
be all of your business,

from 0800 to ad infinitum

if that's what it takes to
get them barracks painted.

You mean you're
going to paint outside?

Bingo! Give that man
a silver paintbrush.

Look at this, Pyle.

The official forecast:
fair and clear.

A whole day of good weather.

Golly, Sergeant. I
don't know about that.

Oh, forgive me.

I forgot you got that voodoo
business going for you

where you can tell the weather.

What do you think
it's going to do? Snow?

No, Sergeant.

Oh. Maybe it's going to sleet.

Is that it? It's going to sleet?

Not that neither.

Let's see. What did I leave out?

Cyclone? Tornado? Hurricane?

I got it. Monsoon!

It's going to monsoon!

No, Sergeant. None of those.

You did leave out one though.

Yeah? Which one?

Hail. It's going to hail
like the very dickens.

Hail? Pyle, is that
what you said?

That's right. Hail.

Okay, Pyle, what's the gag?

There's no gag, Sergeant.

It's just that that
weather report of yours

is wrong, wrong,
wrong. It's going to hail.

Ten-hut!

As you were. Just
making the rounds

to see how we're
progressing. That's all.

Fine, sir. Fine.

I notice your area seems

a little behind the others,
Sergeant. Any reason?

Oh, well, we got
a little held up

by the weather
the other day, sir,

but since it's clear today,
we're hitting the outside.

COLONEL: Good. Good.

At least that's what
the forecast says.

Let's just hope it doesn't hail.

Hail? Yes, sir.

Private Pyle here
was just telling me

that he has some other ideas

about what the weather
is going to do today.

Pyle, maybe you'd
like to tell the colonel

your own private forecast, huh?

W-Well, sir, uh... the fact is,

it's... it's not going
to be fair today.

No? What is it going to be?

Well, sir, it's going to hail.

Hail? That's right. Hail.

That's a pretty extraordinary
prediction, Private.

How did you ever arrive at that?

Well, sir, I just
have this sure way

of knowing when it's
going to... (pinging)

What was that?

I don't know, sir.

Maybe somebody's
throwing stones.

Look, Sergeant. It's hailing!

It's hail! Like I said!

'Course, they're not very big.

You should see the hail
we get back home, Sergeant.

Big as eggs, some
of them! Big as eggs!

Not that these ain't
just as pretty to look at.

Oh, it's a sight!
Just like a whole sky

full of pure white
marbles, huh, Sergeant?

Talk about freakish things!

What? Pyle or the hail?

Both.

Yeah. The guy
says it's going to rain

and it rains, that's one thing.

But when a guys
says it's going to hail?

That's forecasting.

What do you think it is?

Do you think he's
got a sixth sense?

Aw, he hasn't got any sense.

Well, don't you see?

Pyle is a country boy
and, like all country boys,

he can tell the weather.

He can't do much else,
but he can tell the weather.

Maybe so.

Too bad I didn't become
a believer sooner.

Huh? If I had listened
to him a few days ago,

I could be ahead of the game,

and a little bit of a
hero with the colonel.

Yeah? Yeah!

And he wouldn't be
coming around here

asking me why my
area is behind the others.

I'd be ahead of the others.

And why? Because
I would have known

where to paint because of Pyle.

You mean now you'll listen?

Oh, I'll listen.

A man says it's going
to hail, and it hails,

I'm going to listen.

I'm going to look,
I'm going to watch,

I'm going to take
care of that man

because he could be valuable.

(sneezes)

Pyle?

Oh, hey, Sergeant.

(sneezes)

Pyle, you coming
down with something?

I don't know, Sergeant,
I hope not. (sneezes)

When did you start the sneezing?

Well, it just
started last night.

It came on kind of sudden like.

Look, Pyle, maybe you'd
better get over to sick bay

and have them
take a look at you.

Oh, it's nothing, Sergeant,
it's probably just a...

Go on, get on over there.

They can maybe kill it
before it gets any worse.

Really, Sergeant, it's
not necessary, it's just...

(sneezes)

Pyle, get over to sick bay
and now, that's an order.

Right, Sergeant.

I got to keep him in good shape.

After all, I don't want
nothing to happen

to my prize weather forecaster.

Sergeant Carter.

Yeah?

Orders from the
colonel, Sergeant.

He wants to see
all platoon leaders

in his office right away.

I think it's about
a change of plans

for the outdoor
reception tomorrow,

now that the revised
weather forecast calls for rain.

More rain tomorrow?

All day according
to the reports.

What report? The U.S.
Official Weather Forecast.

Hey, Sergeant.

Oh, that forecast.

Okay, thanks a lot, Corporal.

I'll be right over.

(chuckling)

I went over to sick
bay like you suggested.

And guess what? Listen,
I'm glad you're back, Pyle.

But you got to
tell me something.

About what happened at sick bay?

No. I got something
very important to ask you.

Listen, what's it
going to do tomorrow?

Huh?

Uh, is it gonna rain or what?

Well, to tell you
the truth, Sergeant,

I haven't even
taking a reading yet.

Oh.

Oh, well, take a reading,

Pyle, go on, take a reading.

You got enough room?

Give him some room, Boyle.

Go on, take a reading.

Okay, Sergeant.

Is this floor okay, Pyle, huh?

Can you do it on this floor?

Oh, sure. Floors don't matter.

Oh. Good, good.

Well, go ahead,
Pyle, take a reading.

Shh! Hold it down, Boyle.

Just take your time,
Pyle, take your time.

Well, what?

It's gonna be fair
and clear tomorrow.

Are you sure, Pyle,
you absolutely sure?

Yes, Sergeant.

Do it again.

Huh? Just to make
sure. You know.

Well, okay, if you like.

Fair weather will
prevail tomorrow.

You sure, Pyle, you really sure?

Think, Pyle. Well, yes,
Sergeant, you can count on it.

Just like the hail.

That's all I wanted to know.
That's all I wanted to know.

Thanks a million, Pyle.

Don't you want to hear

what happened over at sick bay?

I mean, with the
sneezing and all?

Huh? Oh, yeah, later.

I got to get over to the
colonel's office right now.

I'll see you later, Pyle.

What's all the excitement?

"What's all the excitement?"

Them forecasts have
been in and out all week.

But Pyle's forecasts have
been right all week. Yeah.

Also, I've been losing ground
with the colonel all week.

But if I can assure him
that he can go ahead

and hold his outdoor
reception as scheduled,

I will suddenly pick up a few
points with the colonel, huh?

Right? I mean anybody can
suggest painting the barracks,

but when you
can tell the colonel

what he can count on
in the way of weather,

that's suggesting.

I'd say so. Good luck, Vince.

(chuckles)

Hey, I wonder how
he does that anyway.

Uh...

I'm, uh, sorry I'm late, sir.

At ease.

I was just telling the others

that with this forecast
for rain tomorrow,

it looks like our original
plans will have to be changed

and the reception for
Mr. Nuxley moved indoors.

Well, sir, if we're
going to have to

hold the reception indoors,

may I suggest that we hold
the welcoming ceremony

inside the company mess hall?

Hmm, that is a
possibility, isn't it?

Yes, you see, that way, sir,

we can move all the tables back

and line up all the platoons
on either side of the doorway

leading up to the steam table,

which we could decorate
with bunting and everything.

Yes.

How do the rest of
you feel about that?

Excuse me, Colonel,
Sergeant Hacker.

But isn't that a
lot of wasted effort

to go to all that trouble?

What trouble, Sergeant?

I mean, why bother to
move everything inside

when it's going to be a
beautiful day tomorrow, sir?

Sergeant Carter, you
weren't here when I read

this revised forecast for rain.

Oh, yes, sir, I
heard about that, sir.

But I have it from a
very good authority

that it's gonna be
fair tomorrow all day.

What do you mean, Sergeant?

Sir, you remember that
private that predicted

the hail storm the
other day, Pyle?

Yes. Well, sir, the same private

has made a
prediction for tomorrow.

It's gonna be fair and clear.

Three times in a row,
he's predicted right

when the weather
bureau was wrong.

Still, that's the
official forecast.

Three times, sir, three times.

And predicting that hail storm?

The colonel was
there when he did it.

That was pretty
amazing, wasn't it?

Let's face it, sir.

What kind of reception can
you have in the mess hall

compared to outside?

Not very exciting,
I'll grant you.

Maybe it's worth
a gamble at that.

Yes, sir, I'd
certainly think so, sir.

It's a pretty good
suggestion, isn't it, sir?

Fine, Sergeant.

All right, we'll
hold the reception

outdoors as planned.

But, Colonel, sir... No, no, no.

Sergeant Carter's
made a good point.

The weather bureau certainly
hasn't established itself

as the last word in
accuracy this past week,

so we'll go ahead with the
outdoor reception as planned.

Dismissed.

Hey, Vince.

Good meeting for a
change, huh, Hacker?

Short and to the point.

Boy, you're sure going out
on a limb, ain't you, Vince?

I got ways of predicting
the weather, Hacker.

And accurately.

What are you talking about?

Just thinking fast
on my feet, Hacker,

that's all.

Beautiful day, ain't
it, Hacker? Yeah.

(chuckling)

Right, Pyle, beautiful all day?

Yes, sir, Sergeant, you don't
have a thing to worry about.

Everything's gonna
be just perfect,

just like I predicted.

Good, that's good, Pyle.

Just what I want to hear.

Nice day, huh, sir?

I never would've believed it.

Well, believe me, sir, I never
would've chanced it if I wasn't sure.

Not for such a big day as this.

Getting a little
windy, isn't it?

A little, sir, but, uh,

at least wind ain't
the same thing as rain.

And that's what's
important, ain't it, sir?

I guess you're right.

Oh, look, sir, your
guest of honor

right on time. Oh,
yes, that's him all right.

All right, Sergeant,
back to your platoon.

Yes, sir.

How about this wind, huh, Vince?

Well, at least it
ain't raining, is it?

Platoon!

Ten-hut!

HACKER: Platoon!

Ten-hut!

Permission to come aboard, Ed.

Good to see you, Clint.

Welcome to Camp Henderson.

You really came prepared, Clint.

You expecting a rainstorm?

Ah, you know me
and my shoulder, Ed.

It's been stiff all morning.

And if that doesn't
mean rain, nothing does.

Go on, I just happen to
have a man in my outfit

who correctly
predicted hail yesterday.

And he says it's going to
be clear as a bell all day.

I'm sorry to contradict you, Ed,

but take it from
me, it's gonna rain.

Bet you a cigar it doesn't.

Done. Your man
against my shoulder, huh?

(laughs): Come on, we've
got a full day ahead of us

and there's some people
here I'd like you to meet.

Clint, this is Major
and Linda Townsend.

Clint Nuxley.

(thunder)

(shrieking)

I'm very sorry.

Like I said, Ed, nobody
messes with my shoulder.

Thanks, Sergeant. That
was a great suggestion.

Dismissed!

Pyle...

you did say it wasn't going
to rain today, didn't you?

Yes, sir, I sure did.

And I just don't know
what went wrong.

I mean, you did say it was
going to be fair and clear.

Yes, sir.

But now that you mention it,

that was after I came
back from sick bay.

You remember you sent me
over there 'cause I was sneezing?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, the doctor said the
sneezing was on account of

I was allergic to the paint.

And then I had
him look at my foot.

Your foot?

What about your foot?

Well, I was just thinking.

You remember how I stamp
my foot once and twice like this?

Oh, I'm sorry, Sergeant.

Forget it, Pyle, forget it.

What about your foot?

I didn't want to say anything

'cause I wasn't sure,

but it just didn't
feel the same.

It didn't feel the same at all

after the doctor
removed the corn.

What corn, Pyle, what corn?!

The one that was bothering me.

You see, it was
on my weather foot.

And, well, when it
was going to rain,

it used to just hurt
like the very dickens.

I'll be able to march
better than ever now.

Look at that.

Even if I can't
tell the weather...

Just look at that, Sergeant.

All right, first platoon,
fall out on the double!

Come on, you meatheads,
we got a lot of work to do!

Come on, let's go!

Move it, move it,
move it, move...!

Wait a minute.

What's this? What's
with the raincoats?

You know the orders of the day.

You're supposed to
be falling out in utilities.

We know, Sarge, but Gomer said

we'd be smart to
take our raincoats.

Oh, he did, did he?

Okay, Pyle, let's have it.

This is a rib,
you're trying to see

how far you can
push me, is that it?

Oh, no, Sergeant,
you know I wouldn't...

Pyle, I did not
now, nor have I ever

said anything about
breaking out raincoats today.

That means if you
men value your lives,

you've got exactly 30
seconds to get out of them.

30 seconds!

Even if it's gonna rain?

Rain?

Yes, sir, and all day, too.

You see... Forget it,
Pyle! I'm not interested.

Without that corn of yours,
you're back to normal.

Dumb, stupid and
thick-headed normal.

So help me, if you so
much as make one more...

(distant thunder)

You see, Sergeant, you see?

Pyle, don't you know
the difference between

thunder and artillery practice?

You've been out on maneuvers,

you've been out in
the field, you've b...

But I thought... How? How, Pyle?

That's what I been trying
to tell you, Sergeant.

I heard a report on the
radio not five minutes ago.

The official forecast
calls for rain.

Rain all day long.

Isn't that something, Sergeant?

The weather bureau
finally got a prediction right.

How 'bout that?

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