Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 2, Episode 5 - Gomer Un-Trains a Dog - full transcript

Gomer volunteers to train "Killer" a German Sheppard intended for sentry duty but turns Killer into a pussycat.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Shazam! Would
you look at that shine!

I can see my
own reflection in it.

Wanna see your
own reflection in it?

Don't look at the laces though;
it'll make creases in your face.

right, all you people.

All of you over here!

Drop whatever you're
doing and listen up good.

I need a volunteer
for a special detail.

Headquarters has decided
to add something new

to battalion operations.

They're requisitioning some
dogs from the Army Canine Corps

to be used on sentry duty.

Now, these dogs are
gonna be shipped and...


You mean we're gonna have
dogs right here on the base?

I said listen! Don't talk!

Right, Sergeant.

Dogs... how about that?


Now, there gonna
be four dogs in all,

so we'll need four men
to team up with them.

Each platoon sergeant has
been asked to pick a man

from his own outfit,
which is why I'm here.

Well, anybody interested?

I am, Sergeant! I am!

Well? Any volunteers?

I am, Sergeant.
I'll be a volunteer.

Well, how about it? Johnson?

Sounds like a job right
up my alley, Sergeant.

Okay, that's one.

Is there another one?

Me, Sergeant. I'm another one.

Please, please.

All right.

It's between Pyle and Johnson.

The rest of your
people, as you were.

Have you had much
experience with dogs?

Oh, yes, Sergeant.

I can't remember a time in
my life when I didn't have a dog.

I've had 25 in all.

Let's see, there was
Nellie and Tipper...

and Gilmore and Chu-Chin...

Okay, Pyle. Chu-chin was a Chow.

Swell. Now... Then
there was Champ.

He was one of the
first dogs I ever had.

Talk about good-natured.

Why, he wouldn't even scratch
for fear of hurting the fleas.

That's very interesting...
Then there was Pal.

He was one of the finest
retrievers that ever was.

Oh, it was a thing of beauty to
see him jump into an icy creek

and swim across
and fetch a duck.

It pretty near broke my heart
when he got too old to retrieve.

I knew he was just about
through, though, one day,

when he run up to the creek,

he stuck his paw in the
water to test the temperature.

I think that's one of the
saddest things in the world,

when a good hunting dog is
too old to retreive anymore.

Don't you think so, Sergeant?

Will you knock it off?!

How about you, Johnson?

You had much experience
with dogs? Sure have, Sergeant.

But I didn't have them
just as house pets.

I was a mule skinner and I
had them kind of rough dogs

they have in this Canine Corps.

Knew how to handle them, too.

When they acted up,
I gave it to 'em good.

You mean you whupped them?

Well, let's just
say I had my ways.

But when I gave them an
order, those monsters listened.

Well, I never considered
any dogs I ever had a monster.

Each one was a fine animal
and I give him his due respect.

Why, I'd never would...
What is this, a dog debate?

Now, look, Johnson,

they're looking for dog
partners, not lion tamers.

Can you do the job or can't you?

Please, Sergeant,
give me the chance.

I'll make good. I
promise; you'll see.

JOHNSON: Sergeant,

I guarantee you
I'll handle that dog

the way you handle a platoon.

Yeah? Yeah, you know...

with the old iron first.


Even when they do it
right, you don't let 'em know.

Huh? So they come to look

at you as just a
big, mean ugly brute.


ordinarily, I wouldn't
pick you for anything.

It usually ends in disaster.

But I got a feeling that
you're right for this job.

It's just a feeling.

Thank you, Sergeant!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I mean you wouldn't
exactly be a...

big mean, ugly brute, would you?

Why, I never would...

Sergeant, I've got a
lot more experience

with these kind of dogs!

Johnson, who's doing the
picking, you or the brute?

Now, they'll be shipping in
these dogs tomorrow morning.

There'll be an instructor
along to conduct the training.

Just make sure
you listen up good

to exactly everything he says

and do whatever he tells you.

Don't worry, Sergeant, I will.

See that you do.

Now, I'm sticking my
neck out picking you.

Don't make me look bad.

I won't.

And Sergeant? Yeah?

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


Sorry I took the job
away from you, Johnson.

No hard feelings.

Well, let's see what
happens when the dogs come.

Hey, fellas, the dogs is here!

Just look at them beauties.

Ain't they something?

Hey there, poochie!

You ol' sweet thing.

(dogs snarling, barking)
Don't get too close to them!

They're a little
edgy from the trip.

Well, I don't blame 'em.

I'd be edgy too, if I'd come
all this way locked in a cage.

Hi. Sergeant Carter.
Sergeant Myers.

These the men who'll
be working with the dogs?

CARTER: Right.

MYERS: I'm your
training instructor.

It'll be my job to teach
you to take over the dogs.

Do we get to pick
out the one we want?

Can we do it now?

This ain't a pet
shop window, Pyle,

and you ain't picking out
a puppy for your birthday.

Now pipe down and listen!

First, I want to get these
hounds settled down

and used to their
new surroundings.

Let's meet in about
an hour and get started.

Right. We'll be
there with bells on.

See you later, you
beautiful things.

(dogs snarling, barking) I
told you not to get too close!

These animals have been
trained to attack strangers.

Don't you understand?

Well, we won't
be strangers long.

I'm gonna be a
daddy to one of you.

(dogs barking) Pyle,
will you get out of here?

Will you go? Go!

These animals are
already highly trained,

qualified sentry dogs.

Now, it's just a matter of them

getting used to
their new partners.

From now on,

you and the dog you've
selected will become inseparable.

Only you will pet, feed, or
otherwise handle your dogs.

Now, these dogs have names
which you will continue to use.

This is Ripper.

This is Mauler.

This is Tiger.

And this is Killer.

Mean names. Awful mean.

Now, it's going to take
a little time for your dog

to get used to you
and become your friend.

To break the ice,

I want each of you to move
over to your dog, real easy like,

and stand beside him.

Don't do anything
else; just stand.


There ain't no reason
to be frightened.

I'm just trying to
get acquainted.

Now, slowly, real
slowly, reach over

and pet your dog.

Don't do anything
to startle him.


That's okay; don't
let it throw you.

Killer happens to be the
toughest one in the bunch.

It may take a little
longer with him.

Well, that name of
his ain't helping none.

Every time you call him Killer,

it only reminds
him to stay mean.

Pyle, you might be glad,
someday, he is mean.

He might save your life
against a saboteur or something.

Okay, now try petting him again.

Nice and easy like.


Lordy, if he's this
way with his master,

I'd hate to think what
he'd do to that saboteur.

Detail, halt!

Sit! Sit! Sit!


Pull on the leash
harder, force him down.


Sit! Sit!

Sit! Sit!

He sure minds you a whole
lot better than he does me.

Don't worry, he'll
get used to you.

He's a crack dog, he'll
start obeying you real fast.

Okay... forward march!

Come on!

Follow, follow...
come on! Follow!

Come on! Follow!


If you're trying to embarrass
me in front of everybody,

you're doing a good job.

First man.

Next man.




(barks) Come on, now.


Yank on the leash
to get him started.

Come on... come on, Killer.


Come on, Killer!

Killer, come on!

Pyle is sure having his
troubles, huh, Sergeant?

Yeah, yeah.

If it was me, I would
have had that hound

buckled down
within five minutes.

Who asked you?
It's just the first day.

Right, Sergeant.

Detail... halt!

Okay, we'll hit it
again tomorrow.

Right now, get your dog
in his cage and get him fed.


Come on, Killer, get in.

Please get in; come on.

Get in.


Get in, now.

Come on, Killer, get in.

Come on.

Pyle, are you sure you're gonna

be able to handle that dog?

Yes, Sergeant.

It's just gonna
take a little time.

Well, there ain't gonna
be too much time.

There's a lieutenant
from the Canine Corps

coming at the end of the
week to check you guys out.

Now, if you don't think
you're gonna be ready,

say so right now, and I'll
get Johnson to take over.


Oh, please don't
do that, Sergeant.

He'd be mean to my dog.

Pyle, that might be the only
way to handle this hound.

Don't worry, me and
him's gonna get along

just fine, ain't we?


I don't know.

I'll get to him, I promise.

Just give me a little
more time, Sergeant.

Well, not too much more,

because if there's
no improvement,

I'm gonna make the switch.

I'm the one that's responsible

and I ain't staying out
on that limb much longer!

It'll be all right, Sergeant,
I just know it will.


Did you hear that?

If you don't start
cooperating pretty soon,

you're gonna end up with
Buck Johnson as your partner.


You know, I ought
to be mad at you

for the way you behaved
today... but I ain't.

I forgive you.

I know it was just your first
day and you was kind of upset.


That's it, that's it.

Get it all out of your system.

If there's something
eating at you,

there ain't nothing worse
than keeping it inside.


I know, I know.

You're in a strange place,

and you're tired
and you're hungry.

Well, I'll go get you dinner.

Then we'll have us a long
talk and really get acquainted.

How about that?


Come on, come on... jump!

Come on, please... jump.

Come on, Killer. Killer?

Come on, jump.


That's what happens when
a boy tries to do a man's job.

I tell ya, the only way to
handle these monsters is to...

Yeah, I know, be
a mean, ugly brute!

Look, if you want to watch this,

just watch... Keep
your mouth shut!

Come on! Come on!

Jump! Come on, please.

Jump. Come on, Killer...

Ready, Corporal?

What we're about to do now

is the most important
exercise of all.

It's a test of the
dog's aggressiveness,

if he's provoked by an enemy.

All right, we'll
try yours first.

(dog snarling, barking)


Okay, that's enough.

Fine. Fine. (growling stops)

Okay, Pyle, you next.

(barking, snarling)

MYERS: Okay, that's enough!

(barking and growling)

Beautiful... good dog.

Private, we'll try
your dog next.


Not you! You've
already had your turn!

Get him out of there! (growling)

Come on, Killer.

All right, get him down.

Get him down, Pyle!

My goodness,

you're attacking that
food like it was the enemy.

When you're off duty,

you've got to learn
to relax a little.

You've got to forget
this killing, killing,

killing all the time

and learn to enjoy life.

It's no good if you have
nothing in your heart but hatred.

You've got to learn
to love a little, too.

My goodness,

your muscles are as
tight as guitar strings.

Ease up, stretch out a little.

That's better.

You see, underneath it all,

I know you got nice qualities.

The whole trouble is that
name they gave you: Killer.

You figures you just
got to live up to it.

If you had a different name,
maybe you'd act different.

In fact, why don't we
call you by something else

when you're off duty?

Let's see.

Now, what could we
call you instead of Killer?

How about Lemley Gilbert?

I used to have a
collie by that name,

and he was as
gentle as he could be.

Lemley Gilbert.

How does that hit you?

Hey, Lemley Gilbert.

Pyle, do you think

you're going to be
able to... Shh, Sergeant.

I think I'm getting Lemley
Gilbert to go to sleep.

Lemley who?

Lemley Gilbert.

That's what I call
Killer when he's off duty.

Lemley Gilbert?



MYERS: Okay, fine!


MYERS: Fine. Good.

Okay, Corporal.

(Carter laughing) Okay. Good.

Let's try to make as
good a showing as we can

at the inspection.

That's all for now.


Oh, Pyle!

Well, you're doing much better.

Thank you, Sergeant.

I told you all I needed
was a little time

to get squared away.

Yeah, well, keep it up, huh?

Then you're not gonna
let Johnson take my dog?

What for? You're doing alright.

Thank you a lot, Sergeant,
for having faith in me.

I won't let you down.

Now if you'll excuse me,
it's time for his brushing.

Lemley really
looks forward to that.

Lemley...? Gilbert.

Come on, boy.

(panting) Feel good, don't it?

Tell the truth, now,

don't you feel a lot better
since you've learned to relax?

You can defend your country

and still have a happy
life at the same time.

Smile, Lemley Gilbert, smile.

Hey, Sergeant Carter.

Say hey to the Sergeant.

Give him some sugar.

What is... Quit it!

What does he think he's doing?

Get him off of me.

Get him off of me!

He likes you... he wouldn't
have licked your face

if he didn't like you.

I don't like dogs
licking my face.

Well, that's the only way
they can show affection.

They can't shake
hands like human beings,

so they do it with licking.

Well, how come
he's so affectionate

in the first place?

I thought these
hounds were supposed

to be suspicious of strangers.

Well, you're no stranger,
for heaven sakes.

He's seen you around
and he likes you.

He's just one of them great dogs

that's blessed
with a good nature.

This ain't the way he was
when he first came here.

He was one of the
roughest dogs in the bunch.

Oh, he still is
when he's on duty.

But when he's off duty,

he likes to relax and have
fun just like the rest of us.

Well, just make sure
he don't get too relaxed.

I'm counting on you to make a
good showing in that inspection.

Oh, don't you worry
about this fellow, Sergeant.

Just between you and me,
he's the best dog of the bunch.

Maybe I'm prejudiced,
him being mine and all,

but that's the way I feel.

You're the best darn
dog in the whole world

and Gomer loves you.

Well, I'll see you
later, Sergeant.

I got to go give him a bath.

He's not only gonna be the
best dog in that inspection,

but he's gonna be
the sweetest smellin'.

Come on, honey, let's
go rub-a-dub in the tub.

Come on.

Great teamwork, Lieutenant.

You've brought us
some fine dogs there.

Thank you, sir.

Now, this is the real
test of their ability, sir.

A demonstration
of their alertness

and aggressiveness when
confronted by an enemy.


(barking and growling)

I see what you mean.

Good. Good!

Watch this one, sir.

This is Killer, one
of the best we have.


No, get up, get up, now.

You're on duty, get up.

Come on, get up, get up.

You're on duty now,
you ain't off duty.

No, no, you can't do that now.

I can't do your tum-tum now.

The colonel and
everybody's watching.

Get up.

Attack. Attack!

Killer, get up.

Sergeant Myers, just
what is going on here?

I don't know, sir.

Who was in charge of that dog?

MYERS: This man, sir.

Private, what have
you done to that dog?

Nothing, sir.

Nothing, huh?

I'll tell you what
you've done, boy.

You have taken a
powerful, aggressive animal

and turned him into a pussycat.

This dog was a perfect
specimen when he came here.

He was trained to
defend and attack.

Look at him now.

He's a pussycat!

Get this slobbering
hound off of me!

You have ruined him,
that's what you've done.

Ruined him!

He's washed-up as a sentry dog.

You understand that, Sergeant?

Shall we take him to the kennels

for retraining, sir?

Retraining? What
for? He's finished.

The only thing he's good
for now is the dog pound.

Get him out of here!

MYERS: Yes, sir. Dog pound?!

You mean you're gonna
send him to the dog pound?

That's right, Private.

Well, I don't mean to
be disrespectful, sir,

but you'd be making
a terrible mistake

to send this
animal to the pound.

He's a fine dog.

I don't care what you say.

A dog don't have to be a
vicious beast every minute

he's in the Canine Corps.

Excuse me, sir.

With your permission.

Pyle, that happens
to be an officer

you're talking to,
you knucklehead.

Didn't you learn the first
thing about military courtesy

or you want to go to the
brig and learn some more?

Well, did you, huh?
Did you? (growling)



Hold him! Hold that dog!

Come back, come back.

Now, stop that!

Do you agree now, Private,

that the only place for
this dog is the pound?

It's very obvious you
have lost complete control

of this animal.

I wouldn't say that, Lieutenant.

I'd say the dog handles
himself quite well.


The minute he sensed his
master being threatened,

he jumped to his defense.

That's what he's
trained to do, isn't it?

That's right, sir.

But the dog is
unfit for sentry duty.

He failed to respond

when he himself
was being attacked.

Sir, the dog is unfit.

That may be so,

but isn't lucky you
discovered it now

rather than later during
some crucial test?


Well, if the dog is a
pussycat, as you said,

he probably had
within him the makings

of a pussycat all along.

The private here only
managed to bring that out.

MYERS: But, sir...

COLONEL: I think you
should be thankful to the private

for uncovering it now

rather than having
the enemy do it later.

Well, yes, sir, but... I
don't feel the only thing left

for this dog is the pound.

If you don't want him, I
know someone who does.

Colonel Swanson.

He has a youngster

who'd probably appreciate

a fine companion like this.

He might enjoy this... pussycat.

Yes, sir.

That's wonderful, sir.

Did you hear that, boy?

You ain't gonna go
to no pound after all.

You're gonna be in a fine home.

A colonel's home.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And sir, you think it'd
be all right if I come over

and visit the dog
every once in a while?

I suppose so.

Ain't that wonderful, sweetie?

I'm going to get to
come and visit you.

And we can play all
our favorite games:

and Fetch the Stick,

and Run, Sheep Run.

And every now and then

they're going to
let me brush you.

And I can do your tum-tum.

He just loves it when
I do his tum-tum.

Don't you, Lemley Gilbert?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I already am.