Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 2, Episode 30 - Gomer, the Would-Be Hero - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪


Oh, Vince, it sure is
good to see you again.

It's been a long time.

Oh, yeah, a long time.

The minute I got back into town,

I said, "You know what?
I'm gonna look up old Vince."

Oh, remember all the good
times we used to have together

when we were going
with each other?

We really did some crazy things.

Yeah, we did some crazy things.


Hey, what's the matter with you?

You expecting somebody?

No, no, no.

I was just looking
around. (chuckles)

Yeah, we sure did
some wild things.

And I was thinking, how 'bout

picking up where
we left off, huh?

Oh, yeah.


(Carter and woman giggling)

Who's that?

Oh, uh, just one of
the guys in my platoon.

Excuse me.

I think that guy
wants to talk to me.

Oh, sure, Vince.

Hey, hurry back, hon.


Hey, Sergeant.

Hello, Pyle.

I guess you wonder
what I'm doing here.

Getting something to eat?

I mean, you're
probably wondering

why I'm not here with Bunny.


Well, to tell you the
truth, I did wonder.

Nothing's happened between
you and Miss Bunny, has it?

Oh, no, no.

See, it's like this.

This young lady is an old friend

and we haven't seen
each other in a long time.

Oh, that's nice.

Old friends is the best friends.


Well, I'm glad you understand
about the old friend and all,

but it'll be better if
you keep it to yourself.


You know... the old friend.

Oh, of course.

But who do I keep
it to myself from?

Certain people.


Why, Sergeant?

Well, she might not understand.

(cash register
chimes) Why anybody'd

understand old
friends getting together.

Look, Pyle...

(women screaming)

A real robber.



Help! Robber!

A hold-up! Cops!

Police! Robber!

(cashier wailing)

Here, Pyle. Watch him.

(clamoring voices)

Come on, let's get out of here.

But what's going
on? What happened?!

I'll tell you about it
on the way home.

Come on, let's go.

CASHIER: Let me tell
you now, let me tell you.

See this guy walks in,
see? And he shows...

he shows me his gun, and
he says, "This is a hold-up."

Lucky for me, some
guy jumped him.

What guy?

Huh? Uh... that guy,
that guy over there.

That Marine. That Marine.

POLICEMAN: Hey, you.


Yeah, yeah, that's him.

That's the guy that
clobbered the crook.

This Marine right here.

That's nice going, Sergeant.
May I have your name, please?

I didn't do anything.
What're you talking about?

Well, he just said...

Yeah, but he was
wrong. I didn't do anything.

It was him.

Here's your Marine.

He nailed that crook.

But I... Nailed him good.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Well, that's nice
going, Private.

What's your name?

Gomer Pyle, but I was...

You should've seen
him jump in there.

Like a cobra, pow.

But I was... And then
he went into action.

What was that name
again? Gomer Pyle?

That's right.

But, the private's got to
get back to the base now.

Is it all right?

Yeah, I guess so.

That's good work, boy.

Very good work. (chuckles)

I don't like it, Sergeant.

I just don't like it.

Look, Pyle, I'll explain
it to you one more time.

If I told the
policeman I did it,

he'd have to put my
name in his report.

Next thing, my name's
in the newspaper

and they also mention the fact

that I was there
with another girl;

in which case,
Bunny would kill me.

But the plain
truth is, you did it.

That's the plain truth.

You're just my
insurance, that's all.

Don't you understand that?

I don't know, Sergeant.
I just don't know.

All right, you got a choice.

You can tell everybody the truth

and cause me and
Bunny to break up,

or you can go along
with it for a day or so.

Do you want to see
me and Bunny break up?

Well, I sure would hate to
cause you two to break up...

Okay. Then just forget it.

And everything'll
blow over real fast.

But I sure do
hate to tell a lie.


But I wouldn't want
to break you two up.

Then it's settled.

But I hate to lie.

Oh, I wouldn't want
to see you break up,

but it's bad to lie.

It's bad to break up.

Bad to lie.

Sergeant, I don't
know what to do.

Pyle, do you want to
break Bunny's heart?

Why, I'd never...

Do you want to see her kill me?

Oh, no. Then forget it.

Well, if I have to... Good.

And believe me,
it's already forgotten.

Good night, Pyle.

But I sure hate to tell a lie.

Hate to see you break up.

But it's bad to lie.

It's bad to break up.

Whole thing happened so fast

I didn't even
have time to think.

The guy didn't see me coming, it
was boom-boom and it was over.

No kidding.

Yeah. Just like a cobra.
I struck like a cobra.

You jumped a guy with a gun?

That was taking a chance.

Look, at a time like this,

you don't stop to
think. You go, you go.

And I did. Mm-mm!

Just like a cobra.

You jumped a guy with a gun.


How about that?

(knocking on door)

Come in.

Sergeant Carter? Yeah.

I'm Don Mills.

Radio station KGRL.

Colonel Gray told me to see you.

He did?

Yes, you see, I do a
human interest show,

and I'd like to interview
one of your men.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Private Gomer Pyle.

The Colonel liked the idea,

but he wanted me to ask you if
you could release Private Pyle

for a few minutes
from his duties.

It won't take long.

Yeah, sure, it's okay with me

if it's okay with the Colonel.

How did you happen to pick Pyle?

I mean, what do you want
to interview him about?

Oh, didn't you hear
about last night?

Last night?

Yeah, he prevented a robbery.


MILLS: Yeah, he jumped an
armed robber with his bare hands.

You've got a real
hero in your outfit.

Uh, Pyle's out in
front of the barracks.

Yeah, I better go set up. Say,
you know how he did it? A judo shot.

Robber never knew what hit
him. Never knew what hit him.

Yeah, well, he's over
there somewhere.

If you look for
him, you'll find him.

I guess you're wondering
what that's all about.

Yeah, a little.

Well, the story is
just like I told you.

Yeah? Exactly.

I did it, but I told the
police that Pyle did it.


How come? How come?

How come I told
them that Pyle did it?

Because I was there
with another dame,

that's how come. Yeah?

Well, don't you get it?

I had to tell them it
was someone else

for just this reason.

Now, it's gonna be on the
radio and get all over town.

If they knew the real story,

they'd blab the fact that I
was there with another dame

and where would that
leave me with Bunny?


You don't believe me.

Vince, whatever you say.

Okay, if that's the
way you're gonna be,

just forget I said anything.

If that's what you
want, it's forgotten.

And don't worry, I
won't tell anybody.


Hi, there, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Don Mills once
again with Face to Face,

the program that lets
you meet the people

behind the headlines.

Today, we bring you
the profile of a hero.

We're here at Camp
Henderson talking to

Marine Private First
Class Gomer Pyle,

the man who captured
an armed robber last night

at a local restaurant.

Private Pyle, why
don't you tell us

in your own words what happened?

(men calling
cadence in distance)

Well, uh...

there was this
feller with the gun...

and somebody had
to do something...

Well, somebody did.

You most certainly did.

Would you tell our listeners
how you overpowered him?

Well, the crook...

the feller with the gun...

Well... it was judo.

Judo, ladies and gentlemen.

Was that part of
your Marine training?

Well, I can almost say for
sure it was Marine training.

When you saw the
man with the gun,

what went through your mind?

Well, I thought to myself,

"Golly, that man has a gun."

And that's when
you went into action.

Well, that's when
everything started happening.

Tell us, Private, how
does it feel to be a hero?

I don't know.

Well, you know.

I don't know.

There you have it,
ladies and gentlemen.

The hero's own story.

The story of a brave
man, a modest man...

a man who remains
humble, almost embarrassed

in a situation that would
turn another man's head.

Thank you, Marine Private

First Class Gomer Pyle.

For your courage
and your bravery,

all I can say is, "Well done.


This is Don Mills
at Camp Henderson.

Excuse me.

Gomer, Gomer, you're too much.

You never said anything
about catching a crook.

Well... How do
you like this guy?

Bare-handed, he
takes a guy with a gun

and doesn't say a word.

I mean, how do you keep
a thing like that a secret?

He's a regular John Wayne.

Do you mind?

I'd rather not talk about it.

Excuse me, I got
something to do.


What do you want?

Did I do all right?

The things I told that
man really pained me.

But did I do all right?

Yeah, yeah, fine.

I feel just terrible.

I didn't really come
right out and lie,

but it's what I didn't say.

So what do you want from me?


I just wanted to do
what you told me.

Well, you did it.

So, okay.

But you said it was
gonna all be forgotten.

Well, I made a mistake, sue me.

Well, I was just trying
to do what you told me,

and I just wondered...
did I do all right?

You did fine.

Now get out of here
and get back to work.

So anyway, I says
to her, "Honey,

"I've been called a
lot of things in my time,

but never that."


Hey, Sergeant.

How about that Pyle?

Huh? What about him?

Well, he looks like
the last guy in the world

to pull what he did
in that restaurant.

Yeah, you never know, do you?

He's your prize knucklehead,
too, isn't he, Vince?

Yeah, yeah.

What do you suppose
got into him, Vince?

How'd he get so
gutsy all of a sudden?

Because I'll tell you, Vince,

he sure don't look like a hero.

Pyle don't look like a hero
because he ain't, okay?

What's that supposed to mean?

CARTER: I'll lay it out for you.

That thing that happened
at the restaurant...

Throwing that crook... I did it.

That's right, it was me.

What is this? OFFICER:
Are you putting us on, Vince?

No, it was me.

I told Boyle the whole
story, didn't I, Boyle?

Well, this may sound
like a stupid question,

but how come Pyle's getting
all the credit if you did it?

Because I planned it that way.

That's the way I wanted it.

Because I was there
with another dame

and I had to lay low.

Well, you guys know Bunny.

I happened to be there
that night with another dame.

If Bunny found out
about it, I'd be done for.


Come on...

Okay, Pyle,

tell 'em what happened
at the restaurant.

Aw, Sergeant... Go on, tell 'em.

Well, there was this feller
in the restaurant with a gun,

and I knew something
had to be done, so...

No! Not that story.

Tell 'em what really happened.

What really happened?


How I saw the guy with the gun,

how I knew something
had to be done,

how I struck like a cobra.

Oh, that story. Yeah.

Well, it's just like
Sergeant Carter's saying.

There was this feller
there with a gun,

and he struck like
a... a-a... A cobra.

Yeah, just like a cobra.

That's what happened.

Okay, Pyle.


What'd you make him do that for?

Huh? I didn't make
him do anything.

No, just repeat, word for
word, everything you said.

Look, Vince, we understand.

The private gets all the glory,

the sergeant gets nothing...
sergeant gets jealous.

But it was the truth.

You don't believe it?

Well, we can believe you...

or the newspapers,
the radio, the police...

But you don't
believe it, do you?

Vince, whatever you say.

Sergeant? (lead snaps)

Don't you know better
than to sneak up on people?

I'm sorry, but I just
had to talk to you.

So talk.

I feel just terrible
getting all the glory

that's rightfully yours.

I'm living a lie,
and it just ain't right.

Forget it. It's too late now.

But Sergeant, it's
just like quicksand.

We're bogging down
deeper and deeper.

Look, Pyle, we
started this thing,

and we're gonna see it through.

Sergeant, I got another problem.


I got to get your permission
to go over to Company A.

Company A? What for?

Sergeant Polk over there,

he wants me to give
a judo demonstration.


It all came about
from this lie I'm living.

They want me to show how
I caught that crook with judo.

Oh, brother.

Well, that's what I say.

You should be the one
giving the demonstration.

You see how we're getting
in deeper and deeper?

Why don't I just go
to the newspapers

and tell them...? No!

No newspapers, and no
more of your problems.

I don't want to hear it!

But, Sergeant, the judo...

They want me to demonstrate.

Go! Demonstrate!

Just leave me
alone. But Sergeant...

Demonstrate! Demonstrate!

Do I look all right?

Huh? Oh, yeah, fine.

Where we going?

I don't care.

Well, how about a movie?

Naw... Well, then,
uh... how about

some dancing at
that go-go place?


Well, what do you want to do?

Why do we have to do
anything? Can't we just sit?

Just sit?

Yeah, just sit.

Vince... are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, I know what I wanted
to ask you about... Gomer.

We haven't even
talked about him.

How about that, Vince?

How about what?

Well, I guess I never
really got to know him, did I?

He always struck me
as such a pussycat.


But I guess that pussycat

must have a little
tiger in him, huh?


Boy, I almost fell
over when I heard it.

I heard him on the radio.

Did you hear him?

I heard. I heard.

I never dreamed he had
it in him. That pussycat.

Boy, Vince, what do
you teach those guys to,

to make 'em turn
like that? Bunny!

I gotta go.

Go? You just got here.

I know, but I just remembered

I gotta get back to the base.

We got a big field problem,

and it starts early
in the morning.

Oh... Well...

I'm sorry.

I'll call you tomorrow. Maybe.

And that's the way the
whole thing happened.

I just had to tell somebody,

on account I thought
I was gonna bust.

Now, wait a minute,
Gomer, wait a minute.

You mean Carter's the real hero,

but you're getting
all the credit for it?


It's not funny!

I thought you
fellers could help.

Oh, Gomer, you got
the best deal in the world.

What a setup. Any time Carter

gives you a bad time,
you just turn him in

to his girl, right?


There's gotta be
somebody that can help me.


Chaplin, could I
see you for a minute?

I'm Private Gomer Pyle.

Well, I'm a little busy righ...

Oh, Gomer Pyle.

Come on in, son.

I've already heard one
side of the story, Private.

Now I'd like to hear yours.

Now, I know how
frustrating it must be to...

to know that you did something

and... and somebody
else get the credit for it.

That's very disturbing.

But what's even more disturbing

is the lie that all
this is based on.

It's because of the
lie that the one person

that you would like to know
the truth about your heroic act

doesn't know.

Yes, sir.

Then I think you would
solve your problem

if you told this girl the truth.

I sure would feel a whole
lot better if Miss Bunny knew.

But sir, she'd kill me.

Sergeant, I think the
important thing now is

for you to clear the air
between you and your girlfriend.

I'm sure she'd understand.

Oh, she'd understand...

but she'd still kill me.

Well, you're not happy this way.

You said you haven't slept.

You haven't?
Why, that's terrible.

Grandma Pyle always said,

"A mind that can't
sleep is full of woe,

and you'll never sleep till
you rid yourself of that woe."

You know, you won't feel right

until the truth is known.

I guess so.

I'll help you tell her.

Okay. I'll do it. Good.

Yeah, I'll tell her.

But she's gonna kill me.

Vince, you've been acting
funny the last couple of days,

and tonight you
made this sound more

like a meeting than a date.

Well, in a way it is.


I'll tell you about
it in a few minutes.

Well, why can't you tell me now?

Well, I'm waiting for someone.

Boy, are you the man of mystery.

Vince, it's Gomer.

Why don't you call him over?

Oh, call over that

Don't worry, he'll be over.

Hey, Sergeant. Hey, Miss Bunny.

Sit down, Pyle, sit down.

Thank you.

Well, I haven't seen you

since you became a
big hero. Congratulations.

Well... Sergeant Carter

has something to
say to you about that.

I was thrilled when I heard it.


Bunny... I got
something to say. Yeah?

Uh... Bunny... you see...
sometimes things happen,

and... and when you
look back on these things,

well, the things
you look back on,

well, maybe they didn't happen
the way you think they happened.

You wanna say that again?

All right, I'll start over.

It was this way.

You know that thing about
Pyle here and that crook?

Well, it was...

MAN: You be a nice
fella, please, huh?

Are you listening to me?

Wh...? Oh. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

Look at that guy over there.

(slurred): I said
I wanted a drink.

Look, mister, we
don't serve drinks here.

W-Why don't you have a...
a nice cup of coffee, huh?

If I wanted coffee,
I'd ask for it.

Boy, I hate people who
don't know when to quit.

MAN: I want a drink.

Come on.

(dishes clattering)

(women screaming)

He did it again.

(clamoring voices)

Vince, are you all right?

Yeah, sure.

Talk about lightning

striking twice or
history repeating itself.

The very same thing
happened with that crook.

Sergeant Carter was even
setting in the same booth here.


That's right.

I wasn't the hero at all.

It was Sergeant
Carter all along.

What is this?

That's what we come
here tonight to talk about.

That thing that happened
with the crook the other night,

that was Sergeant
Carter, not me.

Not you?

That's right, but
he couldn't tell you,

on account of he was
here with another girl.

I know all about it, and
it was truly innocent,

but he didn't want to take
a chance on you finding out

and getting your feelings hurt,

so I had to take all
the credit, on account of

he likes you so much, he
didn't want to see you hurt.

And, well, the truth had to
come out, and that's the reason

Sergeant Carter here
is telling you all this.


Oh, Vince, you
mean that you just...?

Oh, Vince!

(Carter laughing)

Well, all's well that ends well.

I guess I'll be going along,

since it looks like
everything's ended well.

My hero. Mmm... (laughing)

You mean that you let
Gomer take all the credit

so you wouldn't have to tell me

you were here with someone else?

Well, I didn't think
you'd understand.

Oh, Vince... Was
it anyone I know?


The girl you were with.
Was it anyone I know?

No, no, no, it was just
an old friend. That's all.

Oh. Then why didn't you tell me?

Well, I figured you
might not like it,

my being out with a
beautiful girl and all.

Oh? Beautiful, huh?

Well, she's got...

Is that why you were out
with her instead of me?

No, I... No. No, no, no.

You want to go out
with beautiful girls

instead of me,
then you just say so.

I understand. Bunny,
I didn't say that.

No, no, I don't need
a roof to fall on me.

I mean if you want
to go out with...

Well, at long last, I get to say

a few words in my behalf.

How 'bout that?

You know, I've been
sitting on the sidelines

a long time, Boyle,

and have I got a couple
of things to talk about!

Well, I'm ready. How
about you, Sergeant?

Anytime. Good.

And don't worry
about me freezing up

in front of the microphone.

I've done a lot of
this stuff. Oh, good.

(recorder clicks on)

(clearing throat) Shh.

Hi, there. This is Don Mills
again, with Face to Face.

We're back at Camp
Henderson today

to interview Sergeant
Vincent Carter.

Last night, Sergeant Carter

prevented a local
restaurant owner

from possible serious injury
when he thwarted a man

who was attacking
the owner with a bottle.

Sergeant, would you
like to tell us about it?

Well, it wasn't much, Don.

Sure was, too.

Now, don't be modest, Sergeant.

You deserve all
the credit and more.

And you should tell the
people how it all happened.

I know, 'cause I was there.


And what a grand
story it was, too.

You see, I seen the whole thing.

We was all sitting 'round
this table when it all happened.

See, we'd gone there to meet
Miss Bunny, and then this man...