Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 2, Episode 26 - Opie Joins the Marines - full transcript

Opie Taylor runs away from Mayberry to join the Marines.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

You understand your
platoons should be kept

at smooth operating
level at all times,

as units and as individuals.

But for this week,

I want that rule observed
even more intensively.

These newspaper people
who will be touring our base

will write about
anything they see,

and I don't want them
to see a single instance



of un-Marine-like
behavior... not one.

Is that clear to all of you?

ALL: Aye, aye, sir.

Now, you all know the
members of your platoons

from whom you can usually expect

less than perfect behavior.

So I want you to
address yourselves

to these men in particular.

I want you to advise
them in no uncertain terms.

"For this week, watch it!"

Watch it!

I don't want to see any
goofs, any foul-ups of any kind.

I want you to act as if
you're under observation

every minute of the day.



As if you're on
24-hour inspection.

Is that clear?

ALL: Aye, aye, sergeant!

Is that especially
clear to you, Pyle?

Yes, Sergeant, clear as crystal.

That's good, because
I'm going to be expecting

a little more from you
than from anyone else.

You are? That's right, Pyle.

You are going to help me
by keeping your eyes open

and watching... watching.

And do you know who
you're going to watching, Pyle?

You! You are going to watch you!

You're going to stop yourself
before you make the goof.

When you even suspect
that you are about to commit

a piece of stupidness, stop!

Call a friend and
say, "Help me!"

Well, Sergeant,
I'm... Stow it, Pyle.

You, Slater, Lombardi,

get inside and scrub
down the barracks.

The rest of you,
get over to Supply

and draw rakes and brooms!

All right, fall out!

Move it!

And remember, Pyle.

There's going to be
two of us watching you.

I'm going to be watching you,

and you are going
to be watching.

Right, Sergeant, and
I'm going to be the one...

You're talking;
you're not watching!

Well, I was just going
to say that... Don't talk!

Watch.

Golly, there was just one thing

I wanted to explain
to the sergeant.

I just wanted to
tell him... Pyle!

You're talking; I'm watching!

I don't know why he's so
especially worried about me.

If there's gonna be any trouble,

it's gonna have to
come looking for me.

If there's gonna be trouble,
it's gonna have to come

walking right through
that front door.

Good, buddy. Let's get
the rest of the gear now.

Come on. (door opens)

Gomer?

Opie?

Opie Taylor?

Is it really you?

Well, for goodness sakes... Ope!

What a surprise!

Hey, where's your
pa? Hey, fellas.

This here is Opie Taylor.

You know, Andy Taylor's boy.

You know, Sheriff Andy Taylor,

back home in Mayberry,
my best buddy?

Well, I'll be.

Hey, where's your
pa? Is he outside?

You know, you're not supposed
to be back here in the barracks,

unless you got
special permission.

Did your pa get special
permission from the captain?

Where is he, anyway?

I'd better go tell him
where to put his car.

My, my, what a surprise!

What a wonderful surprise!

Gomer... my pa's not here.

Well, how did you get here?

Who brought you? Aunt Bee?

Did Aunt Bee bring you?

Nobody. I'm here alone.

Huh?

I ran away, Gomer.

I ran away from home.

Oh, mother, mother!

Well, here it is.

You said trouble
come looking for you.

You said it'd come right
through that front door.

So, it came through the
back door, but here it is.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Opie, I don't
think I understand.

You say you run away?

From North Carolina all the
way out here to California?

How'd you do a thing like that?

I hitched a ride on a plane.

Well, how in the world
could you do a thing like that?

Well, I went to the
airport in Raleigh,

and I told them I was
traveling to California

with my Grandma
and we got separated

while we was changing planes.

You didn't.

And they felt sorry for me,
and they put me on a plane.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave

when first we
practice to deceive.

Well, for goodness'
sakes, Ope, why California?

Why'd you want to
come way out here?

To join the Marines.

Oh, mother, dear
mother, this is it.

Wait a minute, Duke!

Well, what would make you
want to do a thing like that?

Well, I wasn't doing
too good in school,

and Pa got a
couple of blue slips.

They tell when you're
doing unsatisfactory work,

and he sure gets mad
when he gets those blue slips.

So the other day, I saw
a few of 'em in the mail,

and I thought maybe I'd
better go away for awhile

and not come back
till I'm grown up and Pa

can be proud of me again.

CARTER: Okay,
Lebronski, pick it up!

Move it, move it, move it!

(Carter yelling)

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Move it, men!

I said I'd be watching and I am.

Didn't I say to get this
place swabbed down?

Yes, sir.

Then why aren't you doing it?

Well, uh...

W-Well, we were
just trying to decide

who's gonna go get the
buckets and mops, Sergeant.

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Okay, fellas, this is it.

One, two... What is
this? A boy's camp?

I don't care who gets
the mops and the buckets.

Just get 'em and get
this place cleaned up.

Now, move it, move it!

Well, did you hear me?!

Right, Sergeant, here we go.

Opie, you all right?

Uh-huh.

Was that Sergeant Carter
who was just in here?

Yeah, in the flesh, and
he almost had us all.

Gee, Gomer, I'm sorry.

Couldn't I go talk
to the sergeant?

BOTH: No.

I guess the first
thing we got to do

is get you out of here

and then we'll make a
plan of what we do next.

Look, one of us better
get over to supply

and get the mops and
buckets, and the other two...

Hey, hold it!

What are you guys doing?

Uh, uh, w-what are we doing?

Is that what you
asked, Sergeant?

What are we doing?

Yeah, what are you doing?

What's in that can?

What's in the can?

Is that what you
asked, Sergeant?

What's in the can?

What is this, a minstrel show?

Yes, Mr. Bones,
what's in the can?

Well, uh, uh,
well, i-it's trash.

Yeah, that's
what it is... trash.

You know, uh,
trash, uh, papers...

Cigarette butts... Dust...

I know what trash is.

Where are you taking it?

Well, uh, uh... well, we were
taking it over to the dump,

you know, to get rid
of it... at the dump.

Well, you're going in
the opposite direction.

The dump ain't that way.

The dump is back that
way behind the mess hall.

Don't you knuckleheads
know that by now?

Well, Gomer thought this
was gonna be a shortcut.

See, I told you, Gomer.

Come on.

Hey, wait!

Okay, now what have you got?

What's in the bag?

What bag, Sergeant?

What bag? The
bag you're carrying.

What's in it?

Uh, uh... laundry.

Laundry?

Yeah, yeah, you know, laundry.

Uh, bed sheets... Pillowcases...

Towels. I know what laundry is.

W-Well, that's where we
were taking our laundry to.

You know, to the
laundry, you know,

where they do the laundry?

What, did you lose your
sense of direction today?

The laundry's back
that way, stupid.

Oh, well, of course, yeah.

Well, come on, Gomer,
we'd better hurry.

Gee, Gomer, it sure was
a lot easier getting in here

than getting out.

Yeah.

The sergeant!

The sergeant, he's
coming this way.

Sure you were.

This place don't
look no different

than the last time I saw it.

Okay, for openers,

I'm putting the three
of you on report.

You're confined to
quarters until I figure out

just the right kind of
punishment to give you.

You got that?

I'll talk to you later.

OPIE: Wait, Sergeant.

Somebody's voice changing?

What, Sarge?

W-We didn't hear anything.

OPIE: Can I come out, please?

What was that?

Uh, that? Oh, oh, that.

Oh, that was me, Sarge.

I-I was just practicing
my ventriloquism.

Uh, see?

(deeply): Hello,
there, young man.

(high-pitched): Oh, hello.

Shut up, Slater.

(Opie knocks)

Sergeant Carter?

What is it?

Sergeant Carter, my
name's Opie Taylor.

I'm a friend of Gomer's, but
it's not his fault I'm in here.

See, I ran away from home to
come here and join the Marines.

I'm real sorry, Sergeant.

I sure didn't want to
get anybody in trouble.

Sergeant...

Don't say anything,
Pyle, don't say a word.

Well, Sergeant... Not one word.

Do you have any idea
what the colonel would say

if he saw a civilian back
here in a restricted area?

A civilian kid?

A redheaded civilian kid?

Sergeant, I was
just gonna suggest...

No... you are not
going to suggest.

I'm going to suggest that
you get this kid out of here.

Get him back home today, now.

Where do you live, kid?

In North Carolina.

North Carolina?

There's a Marine
base in South Carolina.

Couldn't you go there to enlist?

Get him out of here, Pyle,
just get him out of here.

Yes, Sergeant.

Where do you think
I ought to take him?

Take him to the Army, the Navy.

Take him someplace.

Just get him out of here.

Yes, sir.

You keep him under
wraps until it gets dark.

You've been doing a
pretty good job of it so far.

When it gets dark,
you take a jeep

and you get him off the base.

You hear me?

Off the base!

Yes, Sergeant. (groans)

(whimpering)

(stammering)

Ten-hut!

As you were.

These gentlemen are
the press representatives

covering our base.

Gentlemen, this
barracks is typical

of all the others down the line.

Each man has his
individual locker.

Aside from his rifle

and pack, everything else
he owns as a Marine is kept

in these lockers.

As you can see, the
building is fairly compact,

but with enough room for
everybody and everything.

(laughs nervously)

Shall we continue?

REPORTER: Right.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Carry on.

Did you see that, Pyle?

Did you see how close I came

to being sent to a
federal penitentiary?

Federal penitentiary?

Surely they wouldn't
send you to a penitentiary

just for having a little
boy in your platoon area.

Not for that.

For murder.

I skipped the part about
how I killed you first.

You got your orders.
By tonight... out!

Well, where do I take him?

Well, take him to a motel,

that one that's up the
highway a few miles.

I sure hate to
take him to a motel

and leave him all by his self.

Oh, well, it's the best thing,
Gomer; he could use it.

He probably hasn't had a lot
of sleep in the last 24 hours.

Yeah, poor little thing.

He did look a bit peaked.

Bless his heart.

Yeah, it sure was some surprise.

There was only one person
more surprised to see him than me.

My sergeant.

Hey, Andy, would you
like to talk to the boy?

He says he'll talk to
you when he gets here.

Andy?

Tell Aunt Bee I said "hey."

And I'll see you.

Well, at least your pa
and Aunt Bee will rest easy

knowing where you are tonight.

Come on, crawl into bed.

Go on and I'll tuck you in.

Gee, Gomer, I
just want to tell you

I'm real sorry about all
the trouble I made for you.

Aw, forget it, Ope.

Everything's
turning out all right.

I'm just sorry I wasn't able
to help you with your plan.

But you'll be a
whole lot better off

if you go on back home
and work out them blue slips.

Now, you get a good night's rest

and you can talk it out
tomorrow with your pa.

You going right back to
the base now, Gomer?

Yeah, I expect I better.

Why?

Oh... nothing.

Well, I'll call you first
thing in the morning.

Uh... you want a glass
of water or something?

No thanks.

Night, Ope.

Night, Gomer.

Ope, you know what to
do if you need something.

What? Use the phone.

You know, in case
you need something,

use this here phone.

Says right here, "Call
office for room service.

Switchboard
closes at 11:00 p.m."

Well, that means you won't
be able to call after 11:00.

Do you think that you'll
need anything after 11:00?

Well, that's good on
account of you won't

be able to call after 11:00.

There's something else
you could do though.

You could open up the
window and holler real loud.

I mean, what did folks do
before there was a telephone?

I guess they just
hollered out the window.

I guess.

Now don't forget,

before 11:00, use the phone,

after 11:00, holler
out the window.

You know, there's another way.

What did you say?!

I just couldn't leave
that poor little fellow

in that motel room all alone.

It was all bought and
paid for, and it was

a real nice room, too, at
the Westward Ho Motel,

but I just couldn't leave him.

Where is he?

He's outside in the jeep.

Outside?!

Here on the base?

You brought that kid
back here to this base?

Well, I had to, sergeant.

See, I promised his
daddy he'd be safe

by my side until he got here.

Well, if I left him alone
in that motel room,

I'd be going against my word.

I'm sorry, sergeant.

Pyle, don't give
me your "sorry."

You're stupid, is what!

Well, I truly am sorry.

I guess I'm just a softie.

Yeah, you got a soft heart

and a soft head to
match... it's a set.

Isn't there someplace, sergeant?

I mean, isn't there
someplace around here...

No, there isn't, Pyle!
There is no place.

You got the kid
a room to stay in,

then that's where
he goes, understand?

I just couldn't take
him back there

and leave him,
sergeant. I just can't.

You don't have to,
I'm gonna do it for you.

Get back to your quarters.

You, I'll take care
of in the morning.

Him, I'll take
care of right now.

Okay, you get in that
bunk and you go to sleep.

And don't you leave
this place until someone

comes for you in the morning,
you understand? Yes, sir.

And if you got any ideas

about going back
to that base, forget it.

I don't want to catch you
anywhere near that place.

You understand? Yes, sir.

If you were my kid,

I'd give it to you good for
running away from home.

What kind of thing
is that to do anyway?

It was a knucklehead
thing to do.

Huh? That's what Gomer says.

If you do something dumb,
it's a knucklehead thing.

And if you do too many
knucklehead things,

you won't be a
squared-away Marine.

Yeah, well, he
was right for once.

Do you think this
knucklehead thing

will count against me some
day if I go to join the Marines?

Eh... no, no.

It won't count against you.

Look, go to sleep
just go to sleep.

Yes, sir.

Sergeant? Yeah?

In case I don't get
to see you anymore,

I want to tell
you I'm real sorry

for all the trouble
I made today.

Yeah, well, uh... forget it.

And I didn't want to come
back to the base tonight,

but Gomer was worried
about leaving me alone.

Yeah? He thought I'd be afraid

being here alone, but I'm not.

You can't be afraid and be a
squared-away Marine, can you?

Uh... no, no, that's right.

Bye, Sergeant. And thanks.

Uh, you want a glass
of water or something?

No, thanks.

Okay.

Look, kid, in case you need
something, you know what to do?

Holler out the window?

Huh? Account of the
switchboard closes at 11:00.

So Gomer said after
11:00, holler out the window.

Oh, that's no good.

I'll be okay, Sergeant.

Okay.

Good night, kid.

Good night, Sergeant.

(knock at door)

What did you open the door for?

How did you know who it was?

I figured it was you, Sergeant.

Listen, kid.

I got another idea.

(sounding reveille)

Sergeant!

I just called the motel
and the boy, he's not...

Pyle, wait a minute. But I
called him up, his father...

Pyle, will you settle down, huh?

But I called and told him... Look,
Pyle, I can explain everything...

Atten-hut!

As you were. Good
morning, Sergeant.

Good morning, sir.

Our visiting friends wanted
to take in the base today

right from the
beginning, from reveille.

Well, gentlemen, I would
say this is as good a place

to start as any: with
the platoon sergeant.

He's the one who gets things
off to a proper start each morning.

We can just follow him and watch

a typical routine
in a typical day.

Yes, sir. Why don't we

step outside for
roll call, sir. Right.

Colonel? Yes?

I didn't know the
men were allowed

to have their families
stay on the base with them.

Is that something
new? I beg your pardon?

GOMER: Opie!

You're here! Well,
thank goodness!

What's going on, Sergeant?

Who is this boy and what's
he doing on the base?

Well, I can explain, sir.

I think you'd better.

The boy is a friend
of Private Pyle's.

Comes from his hometown.

He ran away from
home and came here.

The father has been
notified and is on his way.

In the meantime, I thought this

was the safest place
for the boy to stay

until his father got here,

so I let him sleep
in one of my bunks.

You're assuming full
responsibility for this?

Yes, sir.

Excuse me, sir,

but if you don't
mind my saying so,

that ain't exactly right.

What?

Well, Sergeant Carter here

shouldn't have to assume
the whole responsibility.

You see, he ordered me

to take the boy
back to the motel,

and I'm the one that
brought him back here.

That's correct,
sir. But then it was

my duty to take the
boy back to the motel

and leave him there. Instead,
I brought him back here.

But if I just left him
there, none of this...

Yes, but you didn't, Pyle.

But if I had just... Wait
a minute both of you!

We'll go into this
in more detail later.

For now, let's take
care of the boy.

Excuse me, sir.

I don't think you heard
the whole story yet, sir.

'Cause it's not the
sergeant's fault,

and it's not Gomer's fault.

It's really my fault, sir.

I came here on my own.

I wanted to join up.

But not just the Marines.

I wanted to be in
Sergeant Carter's platoon.

In the letters we
get from Gomer,

he always talks about
how he's in the best

platoon with the best sergeant.

And, that's where
I wanted to be...

so I could become a
squared-away Marine.

I guess it wasn't
a very good idea.

I guess it was a
knucklehead idea.

But if I was old
enough for the Marines,

I'd sure like to
be in this platoon,

'cause Gomer is right.

Sergeant Carter is
sure a good sergeant.

What a marvelous story.

What do you mean?

Well, it's got great
human interest value.

You want to write about it?

Is that bad?

To let the country
know that a little boy

came all they way
here because you've got

the best platoon and
the best sergeant?

Later, I want to get some
pictures of the three of them.

I mean, it's all
right, isn't it?

You could start a
recruiting drive with this.

How old are you, son?

Almost 12.

Lie about his age.

We're not equipped to handle

12-year-old Marines.

Carry on, Sergeant.

(giggling)

Order... hut!

Parade... rest!

Not bad, not bad.

In fact, it's pretty good.

Well, you got
everything all packed

and ready to go, huh?

Yes, sir.

What do you think's gonna
happen when your Dad gets here?

I don't know.

I'd rather not think about that.

Well, maybe he won't
be so tough on you.

I sure hope he ain't as
tough as my old man was.

Boy, I remember once
when I ran away from home.

When my old man
got ahold of me, he...

He what?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Anyway, maybe it
won't be the same.

You know, the world's
changed a lot since I was a kid.

(vehicle approaching)

Hey, that must be him now.

Look, kid...

What do you say I
talk to him first, huh?

You stay back here
and let me talk to him.

Hey, Sergeant.

Andy's plane was
ten minutes early

and he was there waiting on me.

Sergeant. Hello, Sheriff.

My, my, what an occasion!

Two of my favorite
people in the whole world

meeting face to face. My, my!

Where's the boy, Sergeant?

He's inside.

Oh, he's fine, just fine. Good.

I'm much obliged to you

for taking such
good care of him.

Uh, Sheriff?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I mean, I don't like

to mix in between
a father and his kid.

I mean, you do what
you got to do, but...

there are a few things
you got to consider.

Yeah?

Well, you see,
that boy of yours,

he's a very good boy.

He's polite and he's courteous

and, well, he hasn't been
any trouble at all. Right, Pyle?

That's right.
Everybody praised him

from the colonel on down.

You know, Sheriff,
sometimes a kid's

got to get something
like this out of his system,

and then he feels better for
it. You know what I mean?

And if you think a good beating
like my old man once gave me

is gonna help,
well, you're wrong.

Could I see him now?

Yeah. Yeah, he's uh... in here.

Hi, Ope.

Hi, Pa.

You about ready to come home?

Let's go.

You know something, Pyle?

The world has changed
a lot since I was a kid.