Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 2, Episode 25 - Vacation in Las Vegas - full transcript

Gomer wins a trip for two to Las Vegas and takes Sergeant Carter with him. The Sergeant has no money so he has to rely on Gomer for entertainment but Gomer has set an itinerary which include things like visiting a Rock Museum.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

Hold it.

Huh? Don't move, Gomer.

Don't move a muscle.

You, you see a bee?

No, a fin.

A great big, genuine fin!

How about it,

you'll loan your
old buddy the five

for a very important
date, huh? Please?



Well, I'd like to help
you out, Duke, but I can't.

I'm sending this money back
home to the Community Chest.

The Community Chest?

You mean the charity? Uh-huh.

I give every year.

Don't lick! Don't lick!

Well, I, I mean,
it's a great idea

sending money to
the Community Chest

but couldn't you
hold off awhile?

You know and
maybe send it later.

Oh, no, you see,
it says right here

that all contributions
have to be in

by the 15th in
order to get credit.

Credit?



For the Community Chest Drive.

You see, Mayberry's
always been 100%

as long as I can remember.

And, well, I just
couldn't go back home

and face anybody,
knowing that I was the one

that brought them down to 99%.

Oh, brother.

How do you fight goodness?

Hey, how about that?

Yeah, sure. I can
get him for you.

For me?

Uh, just a second, please.

It's for Pyle.

This guy here... Pyle?

How many times I
told that knucklehead

no personal calls on this phone.

Huh? How many times?

But, Sarge... Hang up.

We ain't taking no private calls

of any kind and nature.

None whatsoever.
Especially for Pyle.

But Sarge, it's the
Peter Pan Supermarket!

Pyle just won the big vacation
sweepstakes grand drawing.

What?

That's what the man says.

Pyle just won himself a
weekend in Las Vegas.

All expenses paid!

Yeah, I'm still here.

Pyle won a trip to Vegas?

Yeah, and they
want to talk to him.

Here, Sarge, you hold the phone,

while I go get Pyle.

Hello.

Uh... this is Private
Pyle's sergeant speaking.

He'll be right with you as
soon as we can locate him.

Yeah, it's real
exciting news all right.

Lucky guy, winning
himself a trip like that.

What do you mean,
it ain't for him alone?

Really?

Two people, huh?

Well, gee, it's too bad, that
Private Pyle ain't married.

No kidding.

Anybody at all, huh?

A friend, a close buddy,
somebody like that, even?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
that sounds good.

That sounds real good.

Uh, hang on, here he comes now.

Sergeant, is it true?!

Yeah, yeah. Look, Pyle,

why don't you sit
down over here.

Make yourself comfortable.

I just can't believe it.

I never have won nothing before

in my whole life.

Hello?

This is Private
Gomer Pyle speaking.

Uh-huh.

Golly, the Hotel
Mirage, you say?

And $50 in cash, too?

All that for me?

Well, it sounds
wonderful, just wonderful.

When do I go?

This weekend?

Well, golly, I don't know.

I'll have to check

and see if I can
get liberty first.

You see, I have to... It's okay.

Sergeant Carter says it okay.

I can go!

Yes, sir.

Just tell the
messenger Company B.

And thank you kindly, sir.

I'm sure I'll have a fine time.

Well, bye.

Golly!

Let me be the first to
congratulate you, Pyle.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Imagine that, a free
trip to Las Vegas. Yeah.

By the way, who are
you gonna take with you?

You don't have too
much time, you know.

That's right!

I know just who'd like to go.

Who? Who? Duke.

He's been talking about it
ever since I can remember.

Yeah, Duke.

Oh, good idea.

Duke is a good choice.

The two of you can... Oh, darn!

Did you say Duke?

Duke Slater?

Uh, let me see the duty roster.

Why, what's the
matter, Sergeant?

Oh, yes, just as I thought.

Uh... Slater has guard
duty this weekend.

Oh, golly, that's a shame.

Isn't it?

Well, gosh, I wonder
who else I could invite.

Well, uh, anyone would
enjoy taking a trip like that.

A private, a corporal,
a sergeant, anybody.

A sergeant? I'll go. I'll go.

Well, that's
wonderful, Sergeant.

I can't think of anybody

I'd rather go with than you.

Well, thank you, Pyle.

And it was nice of
you to think of me.

Real nice!

And now that it's all set,

why don't you hustle
over to the barracks

and start packing,

while I get the passes in order?

Yes, sir, I'll do that.

And Sergeant? Yeah, Gomer.

You don't mind if
I call you, Gomer?

After all, we are gonna be
together the whole weekend.

Of course.

I just want you to know

that this has been the
luckiest day of my life,

thanks to you.

(chuckling)

(laughing harder)

Beautiful. Beautiful.

Here I was, sitting here

without a nickel to my name.

Two minutes later,

Pyle is begging me to
go to Vegas with him.

Could you ask for
anything sweeter?

Not off hand, I couldn't.

Now, the plan:

Right after we get registered,

I'll call that little
hat check girl

that works at the
Gold Mine Club.

And then, after she's lined up,

we'll really get on

to serious business
around the tables.

She brought me a lot of luck

the last time I was there.

Sounds great, Vince. Yeah.

With her blowing on my dice,

I'll have no trouble at all
running Pyle's 50 clams

into a small fortune.

No trouble at all.

Then I guess you
won't have any trouble

laying your hands
on that 50, huh?

What? Well,

all you have to do is
play him like a barracuda,

like you did just now.

What are you talking about?

Look, I'm doing him a favor.

How do you figure that?

Well, it's simple.

A nice, innocent kid like Pyle
comes into a town like Vegas,

he don't know from nothing.

He won't know where to go.

That's where I come in.

I take him around, I
show him the sights.

I see that he has a good time.

Oh, you're making a sacrifice!

Well, in a way, yeah.

Sarge, you're all heart.

I like to think so.

Yeah.

Tomorrow night at this time,

there I'll be in the casino.

Just me, a pair
of dice, Irene...

And the barracuda.

MAN: All right, we're coming
out with a new shooter.

We've reserved a
lovely room for you, too,

if you'll just
register right here.

(woman screaming)

(shrieking with joy)

Oh, excuse me, my dear.

(bell rings)

Room 207.

Thank you kindly.

We all set?

All registered,
huh, Pyle? Uh-huh.

From now on, Sergeant,
we're on our own.

And it's gonna be
nothing but fun, ain't it?

Now, look, Pyle,

you've never been
to Vegas before, right?

That's right, Sergeant.

That's the reason I made sure

to plan the whole trip
out real careful-like.

Huh?

A plan?

You got a plan?

Mm-hmm. Listen to this.

I figured it all
out on the plane.

First of all,

we go to the Precious
Metals Mining Museum.

Huh?

And then we take
a sightseeing bus

out to Hoover Dam.

Hoover Dam?

Listen, Pyle, I know this town.

I'm the one that should
show you around.

Oh, no, Sergeant.

I'm the host,
and it's only right

that I should show you around.

Now, after we go to Hoover Dam,

we're gonna take a
tour of... Listen, Pyle.

I asked this friend of
mine to meet us here.

Both of us know
this town real good.

By the way,

you sure you don't mind
my asking her along?

Oh, no, Sergeant.

I don't mind at all.
The more the merrier.

Well, see, she's cooped
up in a nightclub all night.

I thought we could
liven things up

for her a little.

You know, give her a
little change of pace,

show her the sights.

I know just what
you mean, Sergeant.

So, I figured the two of us...

Oh, here she comes now.

Not bad, huh?

Hiya, baby.

Needless to say,

you're looking bigger
and better than ever.

Hiya, Vincie, it's
been a long time.

(wheezing laugh)

Yeah, too long.

Eh, this is my buddy I
was telling you about.

Gomer Pyle, this is Irene.

It's a pleasure, I'm sure.

Hey, Miss Irene.

Listen, Sergeant, I'll go
make all the arrangements

while you and Miss Irene
get all your hellos done with.

That way, we'll save
a whole lot of time.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do that.

Well, where do you want to go?

There's a great daytime
show at The Money Tree.

You might like that.

The girls are in
nothing but $100 bills.

(wheezing laugh)

What do you think?

Well, I...

And then there's the
Double Whammy Saloon.

I know all the dealers there.

Or maybe you boys got
something in mind, huh?

Well, yes, as a
matter of fact, we do.

Well, anything you say, Vincie.

After all, you're the boss.

Where to first?

The Precious Metals
Mining Museum.

What?

What's that?

It's a rock museum.

You know, a
museum... with rocks.

You've got to be kidding.

A rock museum?

Listen, baby, I can
explain everything.

A rock museum?

Believe me, we're
going to have a ball.

It's just that Pyle is the guy

who won the contest
I told you about.

I-It's his money.

You see, I'm just
along for the ride,

that is, until I
loosen him up a little.

A rock museum?

So, if we play our cards right

and, and go along with him
for a while, we got no problem.

I mean, how much money
can he spend at a museum?

I don't know, I never been.

Take my word for it.

When we get back, we'll
have enough left over

for a little fun around
the dice tables,

and then, baby, it's
champagne up to your knees.

Believe me, I...
Here he comes now.

Just make sure you act
like you're enjoying yourself.

(laughs) Are you ready?

I got us a taxi
waiting right outside.

A taxi? What about the bus?

I decided that a
taxi'd be quicker.

That way, we'll get to see a
whole lot more of everything.

But a taxi, that could
cost a lot of money.

I know, but that's what the
prize money's for, ain't it?

To make everything
real convenient for us.

Well, I don't know, I...

Please, Sergeant, it's my treat.

I want to be sure you and
Miss Irene have yourselves

a day you'll always remember,

even if it does cost
a few extra dollars.

Don't forget, you
two are my guests.

Now come on.

We're doing it.

We're actually doing it.

We're going to a rock museum.

We're going to a rock museum!

Let's see.

$2.50 for the cab.

50 cents apiece to
get into this dump.

That's four bucks.

Plus $3.50 for
breakfast this morning.

That's $7.50.

Glory be!

Sergeant, look here.

It's a piece of fool's gold

big as your hand.

Oh...

Oh, yeah, that's
something all right.

(chuckles)

Ain't that something, Irene,
huh, ain't it something?

Says right here
it's totally worthless.

It's hard to believe, ain't it?

Men fighting and dying
and losing everything dear

for something that's
totally worthless.

You're kidding.

You've just got to be kidding.

Shh...

I told you it's just
a matter of time.

We've been here
for an hour already.

I didn't have to
go through all this

the last time you were here.

I told you.

This time it ain't my money.

It's his dough.

Well, you'd better do something

because if I have to
look at one more rock,

I am going to scream.

All right, all right.

Hey, Pyle, it's getting
kind of late, ain't it?

(laughing nervously)

Golly.

You're right, Sergeant,
you're absolutely right.

We stay here one more minute

and we'll miss that
tour of Hoover Dam.

Oh, yeah, Hoover Dam.

I forgot about that.

Hoover Dam! You never
said anything about that!

Shh, he'll hear you.

I don't care if he does.

If you think for one second
that I'm gonna go to...

Please, Irene, please,
you got to be patient.

Now, come on.

Play along with him a
little while longer, huh?

Please. Please, huh?

Please.

Now this generator you see here

operates at 60
cycles and produces

95,000 kilowatts
of electrical power.

Or breaking it down to a
more familiar household term,

95 million watts of electricity.

Gosh, that's sure a lot

of electrical power, ain't it?

That's right. Enough to light up

the entire city of San Diego.

San Diego?! Hey, sergeant,

did you hear that?

There's enough electrical power

coming out of that one generator

down there to light up the
whole city of San Diego.

That one generator. Oh,
yeah, beautiful. Beautiful.

What about two generators?

What cities could they light up?

Boy, I got to get out of here.

Oh, come on,
honey. Take it easy.

So you take the tour, so what?

It ain't so bad.

Who knows, maybe you'll
even learn something.

Now if you'll all just
step this way, please.

Hey, you two.

We're going up to the
top of the dam now.

Look, Pyle. Why don't we skip it

and head on back to the hotel?

Irene don't feel so good.

Oh, that's a shame.

What seems to be the matter?

Uh, she feels faint.
Don't you, Irene?

I feel faint.

It's some kind of
condition she's got.

Happens toward
the end of every day.

All of her muscles
go limp, just like that.

Well, maybe I can go get her
something. I'm sure they got

a first aid station at
a dam big as this big.

Oh, no, no, no.
She'll be all right.

It's just that she needs to sit
down for a while. Don't you?

All I know is, I feel
faint. Very faint.

Well, then that's
just what we'll do.

Yes, sir. We'll get you
off your feet in no time.

In no time at all, Miss Irene.

(rhythmic drumbeat)

You are so smart, Vince.

For a prize dope,
you sure are smart!

Well, I tried, didn't I?

How did I know this is
what he had in mind?

Vince, so help me, five minutes.

I'm going to give you
five minutes to get me out

of this feather farm, or I'm
going back to town alone.

And I mean a-lone. Okay, okay.

Just leave it to me.

Hey, Gomer.

That, uh, rain dance he's doing.

I think it's working. Huh?

Look over there.

A rain cloud if ever I saw one.

And it's coming up fast.

Where? I don't think I see...

Let's get out of here
before we get soaked.

Well, if you say so,
Sergeant. Now you're talking.

Well, here we are.

We had a nice,
outdoorsy afternoon, huh?

Boy, it was some
fine day, wasn't it?

Seeing all them sights
and learning all about

our ancient
heritage like we did.

And it's gonna be
an even better night.

Ain't it, Pyle?
Considering we still got

$20.52 left to see

some of our modern heritages,
if you know what I mean.

How did you know that, Sergeant?

That's exactly how
much money I got left

right down to the last penny.

$20.52. No kidding?

Well, I just took a wild guess.

How about that, huh?
Gosh, all that fresh air

and all them facts and
figures about Hoover Dam

just kind of made my mind weary.

Fact I'm so tired, I think
I could go for a nice nap.

Good idea. Why
don't you do that?

I think I will.

Why don't you and
Miss Irene take a walk

and have a look
around in the meantime.

Yeah, yeah. That would be nice.

And maybe you want me
to take the twenty, and, uh,

kind of make some plans
for this evening, huh?

Oh, no. That won't be
necessary, Sergeant.

I've already made plans. It's
gonna be perfect. Just perfect.

Huh? Oh, what?

Oh, what's gonna
be perfect? What?

The rest of the evening.

Now, here's what we do.
You remember that restaurant

we passed up there on the
corner, Hamburger Harbor?

The one where it says:
"All you can eat for $1.95"?

Well, I'll meet you and
Miss Irene there in an hour.

And we'll have dinner, then
from there, we can go to a movie.

And that way, we'll have
ourselves a real fine time.

And I'll still have
ten dollars left,

just like I promised
myself. Huh?

For something special.

Something kind of
close to my heart.

Well, I'd better go on upstairs

and get to bed if
I'm gonna meet y'all

in an hour. I'll see ya later.

Night clubs, huh?
Fancy dinners, huh?

Champagne up to my knees, huh?

A little fun around
the dice tables, huh?

And believe me, Irene, I can
get around him. Just be patient!

Patient? I walk
my feet to the bone,

looking at a bunch of rocks!

I spend two hours
listening to some square

tell me how to light up
the city of San Diego,

and then I twist
my legs out of joint,

looking at an Indian weatherman

and you want me to be patient?!

Good-bye, Vincie,
and I mean good-bye!

Wait a minute, Irene. Wait, huh?

Please! Please,
will you listen? Wait!

Pyle, you awake?

Pyle?

(groans)

(sighing)

(grunting)

Pyle, I'm borrowing the
twenty, any objections?

Good.

60 dice!

Boom!

(laughs)

Pay the line.

Yeah. 20 rides, huh?

20 rides. Come on.

Stay hot.

Come on!

Seven! Voom!

Yay, on seven.

And another winner.

Pay the line.

(groaning)

That was good.

(grunts)

Hi. Irene?

Vince.

Wait a minute!

Boy, oh, boy, are
you gonna eat crow.

Huh?

Never mind.

Just get yourself over
here on the double.

That is, if you want

to do the town up right
like I promised you.

Yeah, I'm at the tables,
and, boy, am I hot.

Listen, this time
wear a cocktail dress

and your dangle earrings.

Yeah. And hurry!

(laughing)

(loud crowd chatter)

CROUPIER: Bet on the field.

The number is eight.
The shooter wants eight.

Make it the hard way.

The hard way.

I've been robbed,
I've been robbed!

Have you seen Sergeant Carter?

I beg your pardon?

The fellow that I'm
sharing the room with.

Have you seen him?

I've got to find him right away.

Oh, never mind. There he is now!

Come on five. MAN: Five.

Sergeant Carter, I was robbed.

Come on five, come on...

Somebody robbed me! Huh?

The $20. Remember? $10
was for dinner and the movies,

and the other ten was... Whoa,
whoa, whoa. Hold it, hold it!

Whoa! Whoa! Pyle, I
got a confession to make.

You wasn't robbed. That
money was borrowed is all.

Borrowed? Yeah, that's right.

By yours truly.

Pyle, look at all
them chips here.

That's your money.

Your money, Pyle, and my luck.

Golly!

You see, you were getting
all excited for nothing.

Pyle, I know how you
feel about gambling,

but I never lose, Pyle, never.

You mean, all that's my money?

Your money quadrupled.
Quadrupled twice over!

That's what I was trying
to tell you up in the room,

but, well, you were napping.

And all that
money... It's all mine?

Of course.

Well, I'll be.

(laughs)

MAN: Five's the winner.

Pay the line.

Hey, that-that's me,
that's me right there, huh?

(laughing)

Wait till you hear what the
sergeant did with my money,

Miss Irene, wait till you hear.

I know, I know! I heard!

(wheezing laugh)

Oh, hiya, baby.

Wasn't I right?

Look at that... 200 bucks!

200 iron men!

I told you I was born lucky!

Not bad, Vincie.

(laughing): Not bad at all.

Here's another
thing about me, too.

I-I'm smart.

I never push my luck.

I know when to quit.

From now on, baby,
it's just you and me.

Just you and me, baby!

First, we'll have
cocktails at the Sierra Ho.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And then we'll catch
the dinner show

at the Silverdust Inn.

I'd like to cash in,
please. All tens.

Keep going, keep
planning it, baby.

Just make sure it's
first cabin all the way.

(laughing) Sergeant Carter?

There he is, ma'am.

That's Sergeant
Carter right there!

And this is the money.

Huh?

Except for this $10.

After all, I did promise
Sergeant Carter

and Miss Irene I'd take
them to dinner and to a movie.

And I sure wouldn't
want to let them down.

Thank you.

The Red Cross
thanks you very much.

You're very kind.

Don't thank me, ma'am.

Thank Sergeant Carter here.

After all, all I had
to give you was $10.

It was Sergeant Carter here

that built it all up.

Wasn't it, Sergeant?

WOMAN: I can't tell you how much

we appreciate this
gesture, Sergeant.

And you may be sure the
money will be put to good use.

Must make you feel
warm all over, Sergeant.

Just think of all those
poor unfortunates

you're helping out just 'cause
you had some good luck.

It's almost like the fates was
being good to you on purpose!

Boy, we sure did have
fun, didn't we, Sergeant?

Yeah, Pyle.

It was a weekend
to remember all right.

It was sure too bad

about Miss Irene
getting that sick headache

and not being able to
go to the movie with us.

Poor thing. I never saw anybody
take changes for the worse

as fast as she did
yesterday, did you?

Look, Pyle, the weekend
is over, finished, kaput.

Let's just hop a plane
back and be done with it.

Is that asking too much?

All right, Sergeant.

Hey, Sergeant, you
know something?

I never did get to try
one of these things.

You think I should so I
can say I tried my luck?

You, Mr. Pure and Simple?

I know it, but seeing

as we gave all that
gambling money to charity,

I don't see anything
so unrighteous about it.

Do you? No. Go
ahead. Live it up.

Here. I got two quarters.

You take one, and
I'll take one. Thanks.

I ain't even gonna look.

(lever clicking)

Got a plum.

You got a plum and
a cherry and a lemon.

Naturally, a lemon.

One big lemon.

Now I'm gonna try mine.

(clicking)

(coins clinking)

Glory be, glory be!

You hit the jackpot!

You hit the jackpot!

There must be
$40 in there, Pyle.

What are you gonna
do with it, huh, huh?

What are you gonna do with it?

Well, golly.

Since I was the one that decided
to give yesterday's winnings

to the Red Cross,
I think it's only fair

to turn all this
money over to you.

To me?

You really mean it, Pyle?

To me?

I sure do, Sergeant.

This time, you pick the charity.

After all, fair is fair.