Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 1, Episode 11 - They Shall Not Pass - full transcript

(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)

MALE ANNOUNCER:
Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors
as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank
Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

All right, you people,
we're in enemy territory now.

Hear this and hear it good. I'm
gonna refresh your memories.

Now, on this map here,
you'll see a bridge at 471330.

Our mission is to advance
deeper into enemy territory,

find that bridge, and
destroy that bridge.

This whole area is heavily held.

We've only got 10 men.

Not all 10 men are
going to get through,

but enough of you have
to get through to do the job,

which means that each one
of you is gonna be strong,

is gonna be tough,
is gonna be fast,

is gonna be, all the time,
thinking, thinking, thinking.

Any questions? (IN
SOUTHERN ACCENT) Yes, sir.

Sergeant Carter, would
you repeat that, please?

Pyle, didn't you hear
anything, anything?

Yes, sir.

It just sounded so good,
the part where you said

I was gonna be strong
and fast and thinking and...

Knock it off! Pay attention.

All right.

Today is the day
you people learn

about the pride of the Marines.

If we get that bridge,
if we get through,

there'll be no individual
citations, no glory.

Just a little old,
beat-up gold boot

to put in the trophy case
back in our company office.

The gold boot they
give to platoons

that distinguish
themselves in the field.

I want that boot.

All right. This is it.

Now, be careful when you fire.

The thing to be
prepared for is...

CARTER: Hit the
deck! Hit the deck!

(GUN FIRING)

Grenade!

Sergeant. Yes, sir?

Major Stone, Sergeant.

I'll be observing your squad
during the war games. Yes, sir.

As a result of the
enemy grenade,

this man and this man are dead.

Tag them.

Aye, aye, sir.

Now, this man was presumably
hit and can remain in action.

Tag and bandage him.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, this looks like
it's gonna be fun.

Do you think we're
anywheres near that bridge?

You don't understand
strategy, Gomer.

No, I don't guess I do.

You see, the enemy expects us to
take the short route to the bridge, right?

Right.

So Sergeant Carter knows
that the enemy expects us

to take the short route, so
he starts off on the long route.

But he's also got to figure
that the enemy would figure

that we wouldn't go
the way they expected.

Understand?

(BOMBS EXPLODING IN DISTANCE)

Hey, do you think we're
anywheres near that bridge?

I think the Sergeant
wants you, Gomer.

Me? Yeah.

Keep quiet and
look straight ahead.

Do you see anything?

It sure is pretty up there.

I'm talking about the enemy.

This ain't a nature
walk. Now, look.

No, sir.

Of course, I don't rightly
know what the enemy looks like.

"The enemy will be wearing
red identifying armbands,"

as you may have been told.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.

This is no time for sorry.

You see that little
pile of rocks up there?

That pile of rocks
commands this whole area.

There's no way around it
except over open ground.

Now, one man in there
with a machine gun

can mow down our whole squad.

You know, I never would
have thought of that.

I know.

Now, Pyle, I've
got to send a man

up to that pile of
rocks to make sure.

I need a volunteer,

a man who can face enemy fire,

who can make that sacrifice.

Do you know why I'm sending you?

Because I'm the most expendable?

Right.

Now, remember one thing.

Try and remember one thing.

Yes, sir.

This is jungle warfare.

Every mean, nasty trick
the enemy can play on you,

he'll play it.

Now, you've got to do the
same thing to him. Can you do it?

I can do it, but I
won't like it. Huh?

Mean, nasty tricks.

I don't much care
for that sort of thing.

Well, don't care
for it, just do it!

Yes, sir.

Hey, there.

Hey.

How you doin'?

Thanks for not shootin' me.

I couldn't.

You know, I feel the same way.

You don't understand.

I couldn't for a
very simple reason.

What's that?

I'm dead.

Oh, I'm real sorry to hear that.

It's all right.

Would it help to talk about it?

No, I can't. You
see, you can't talk.

It's against regulations
when you're dead.

Oh, well, I wouldn't want
to go against regulations.

But back home, we had
this neighbor, Orlee Keefer,

and she used to talk to her
husband, Virgil, real good

after he was dead.

She had to go into
some kind of trance,

and she did it by
taking this stuff

she bottled in her backyard.

And, oh, she talked
to him real sharp,

just like she did
before he hung hisself.

(WHISTLING) And
Orlee, he... (WHISTLING)

Oh, that's my Sergeant.

I ought to tell him it's all
clear, you being dead and all.

Sure.

But we all got to go sometime.

Hey, Sergeant, it's all clear.

CARTER: Hit the
deck! Hit the deck!

(MACHINE GUN FIRING)

(GRENADE EXPLODING)

Sergeant.

Yes, sir?

It looks like you walked
right into one, Sergeant.

Pyle. Pyle, I thought
you said it was all clear.

Yes, sir. The only feller
that was in there was dead.

You're sure, Private?

Yes, sir, he told me so.

He, uh, had one of these tags?

You know, I think he tricked me.

What a mean thing.

What a mean thing to do!

All right, Sergeant, you've got
three men killed and one wounded.

Which ones are dead, sir?

Here, here, here,

and, uh, this man wounded.

Tag them.

I'm not arguing, sir,

but private Pyle here
was right in the line of fire.

That's true. I don't
know how I was saved.

He's dead, isn't
he, sir? Please, sir.

Of course, it's your
decision, but I'd kill him.

I mean, I'd tag him killed.

That's it, Sergeant.

Yes, sir. Carry on.

What a mean thing to do.

What a mean thing,

to tell me he was dead when
he was as alive as you and me.

Pyle, do you have any idea

what you've done
to this mission?

I sure learned my
lesson, Sergeant.

Lesson?

I had eight men.

Now I've got three
dead and one wounded

who has to be carried back
by one of the men I've got left,

which leaves me with three men

to fight my way through
and blow up that bridge!

Don't you worry, Sergeant.
We'll make it okay.

We?

Who do you think's gonna carry
that wounded man to the rear?

CARTER: Move it!

Yes, sir.

What a mean thing.

What a mean thing to do.

Hey, come on, Gomer.

I think you're headed
in the wrong direction.

Well, that's because
you're facing the wrong way.

I'll set you down so you
can get straightened out.

Halt.

Sure. Glad to.

Don't try no tricks, now.

We're walking wounded,
man. We've had it.

Do you think we ought
to capture 'em, Eddie?

Why?

Yeah, why?

Well, we could extract
military information from you.

Look, Jack, you capture
us, all we can tell you

is our name, rank,
and serial number.

That's regulations, right?

Why don't you ask 'em if we're
heading in the right direction?

Hey, Eddie, come over here.

I can't walk.

Oh, I forgot.

Hey, look, what's
wrong with asking them?

Because they're the
enemy, that's why.

You don't know 'em like I
do. They can do mean things.

They look okay.

Well, they all look okay.

You never saw a
nicer looking feller

than the one that
told me he was dead.

So what could they do to us?

Hey, I got it.

Why don't we ask
'em which way to go

and then go the other way?

I don't think that'll
work, Gomer.

Sure, that's thinkin',
like Sergeant Carter said.

If I was to ask you fellers
which way our rear area is,

which way would you say?

Straight that way.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Come on, Eddie.

Hey, you're going the wrong way.

Sure we are. Much
obliged, fellers.

What's the matter with that guy?

Combat fatigue.

Hey, you know what's ahead?

That bridge.

The one we're
supposed to capture?

That's in the
opposite direction.

Oh, boy, are we headed wrong!

Yeah.

Well, they outsmarted
you again, Gomer.

They told you the right way.

They sure are tricky,
these enemy fellers.

Mean's what they are.

What are we gonna do now?

Hey, there's nobody else around.

So, there's nobody
else around. So what?

But it's my chance.

That's our mission, to
capture that there bridge.

Why, we can even win the
gold boot for our platoon.

Well, I never thought
I'd have a chance

to make Sergeant
Carter proud of me.

He's so anxious to win
that gold boot and all.

Hey, Gomer, you better go and
make sure there's no one else around.

Okay, we'll go
take another look.

There's the enemy, see?

Yeah. Only one, looks like.

I'll sneak up from
behind and jump him.

I wouldn't do that.

Well, I got to redeem
myself. I got to do something.

What am I supposed to do?

Well,

you stay here, and when I get
close enough, you distract him.

Uh, sing, kind
of soft, like, uh,

Blue-Tail Fly.

I don't know Blue-Tail Fly.

I'll teach it to you.

♪ Jimmy crack corn,
and I don't care... ♪

Gomer.

It's real easy to pick up.

Well, as long as
I have to do this...

How about "You ain't
nothing but a hound dog"?

Well, that should
be pretty distracting.

You wait a minute or so,
and then you start your song.

Okay. Be careful, Gomer.

Oh, I won't give him a
chance to outsmart me.

I'll just jump him.

You do that.

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog

♪ Cryin' all the time

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog

♪ Cryin' all the time

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog

♪ Cryin' all the time

♪ Well, you ain't
never caught a rabbit

♪ And you ain't
no friend of mine

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog

(EDDIE CLAPPING)

♪ Cryin' all the time

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog

♪ Cryin' all the time ♪

Hey, Sergeant.

I'm sorry. I thought
you was the enemy.

I am, Pyle. I am.

A Marine is taught
obedience to orders.

I'm sure sorry
about that, Sergeant.

CARTER: You're sorry?

You're sorry?

Pyle...

I started out with 10 men.

I lost two right off.

Then you started talking to
that dead machine gunner,

and I lost five more.

Because I was short-handed,
I lost three on the way here,

along with the stuff
to blow up the bridge.

(BOMBS EXPLODING IN DISTANCE)

CARTER: I was hoping
I'd win a commendation

for this mission, Pyle.

I was hoping I'd
win that gold boot.

Now what do you think I'll get?

Well, sir, you got
me back, Sergeant.

Get out of here and
take Peters with you.

Yes, sir.

CARTER: No, wait.

My one chance is to get back

and get enough explosives
to handle this bridge.

I'll take Peters back
and get what I need.

You stay here and hold this
position. Can you do that?

Yes, sir. I'm onto
them enemy tricks now.

They won't get past Gomer Pyle.

You can be sure of that.

Once burned, twice remembered.

Pyle, you're here for one reason

and one reason only:

you don't let anyone
across that bridge.

You understand?

I don't let anyone
across that bridge.

Right.

Now, you're on guard.

I'm on guard.

CARTER: And I approach you.

You approach me.

Why didn't you stop me?

Why, you're on my side.

I said don't let
anyone. Understand?

Anyone.

All right.

Now, come on, Peters.

I can't walk, Sergeant. Oh.

Now, remember, you
don't let anybody pass

unless they know the password.

Password?

Don't tell me, Pyle.

You forgot the password.

I got it right on the
tip of my tongue.

It's some kind of
a foreign name.

Quallah Battoo.

Quallah Battoo,
a marine operation

against the Malay
pirates in 1832.

CARTER: You got it? Yes, sir.

Quallah Balloo.

Balla Quattoo?

Quallah Battoo. Quallah Battoo!

That's right, Quallah Battoo.

Quallah Battoo.

Now, they don't have the
password, use the bayonet.

I sure wish I had some
ropes and sapling trees.

Catch 'em good that way.

Ropes and sapling trees?

We used to catch rabbits
back home like that.

Well, a Marine is not a rabbit.

Foxes, too, and a
wild pig, and a bobcat...

Use the bayonet!

What's the password?

Uh... Quallah... Quallah...

Battoo. Battoo. I got it.

Quallah Battoo!

It's a secret password.

Don't announce it
to the whole world!

(INAUDIBLE)

Refresh my memory, Sergeant.

I thought your mission was to
attack and destroy footbridge 471330.

Yes, sir, it was.

And since you were not to report
back before completing your mission,

I can assume the bridge
has been blown up? No, sir.

"No, sir," you're
not reporting back?

"No, sir," the bridge has not
been blown? "No, sir," what?

No, sir, the bridge
is still there, sir.

Because you lost your
demolition materials.

Wasn't that a bit
careless of you?

Enemy action, sir.

And you also lost
9 of your 10 men.

No excuse, sir.

And you now propose
to take more explosive

and start all over again.

We still hold the bridge, sir.

With one man?

Yes, sir.

Who was this Horatio you
left at the bridge, Carter?

Private Gomer Pyle, sir.

Pyle, the man
who walked right up

to an enemy machine gunner?

Yes, sir.

Pyle, the man who got half
your squad knocked out?

Yes, sir.

Didn't that shake
your confidence?

Well, I...

Sergeant Carter, have you any idea of
the importance of blowing up this bridge?

Yes, sir.
Strategically... Wrong!

Sir? The importance is this:

if your mission fails,

not only do you not
get the gold boot,

but you and your entire
platoon will be restricted

with no liberty for a week.

Do you read me, Sergeant?

Yes, sir. Carry on!

Aye, aye, sir.

STONE: Move it.

Halt. Who goes there?

Didn't you ever
see these, Private?

Yes, sir, silver bars.

Real nice and shiny, too.

May I ask the Lieutenant
where he's going?

I'm going across
that bridge, Private.

I'm sorry, sir, but not without
the password. Why the password?

You don't see an enemy
armband here, do you?

Well, sir, you
could've taken it off.

Not meaning to be personal,
but the enemy's mighty tricky.

They do mean things.

You're right on your toes.

But why should I give
you the password?

Them's my orders, sir.

What if you're an
enemy in disguise?

I'd be passing on
military information.

I'll have to study
on that a while, sir.

You do that while I
go across the bridge.

I wouldn't try to
cross that bridge.

I'll take the chance, Private.

Get me down from here!

You see, sir? I
tried to warn you.

Get me down from
here! Get me down!

I will as soon as the umpire
comes along and marks you.

Umpire?

Yeah, I don't know whether
you're wounded or killed or captured.

LIEUTENANT: Get me down!

Pyle.

Hey, Sergeant.

Hey, get me down!

Is that a lieutenant you
got hanging in that tree?

Yes, sir. He didn't know
the secret password,

that there Quallah Battoo.

LIEUTENANT: Get me
down from here. Get me down!

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Don't go over that way,
Sergeant. Pyle, I'm gonna...

(SCREAMS)

I'm sure sorry
about that, Sergeant.

I tried to tell you.

Get us down out of here!

You see, back home, we
use smaller sapling trees.

Why, a tree like that one there

would throw a rabbit
clean to I don't know where.

Who cares about
rabbits? Get us down!

Pyle, do you know what you
can get for assaulting a lieutenant?

Well, I couldn't let him go
out on that bridge, Sergeant.

Why, it ain't safe.
You just watch.

(CARTER GROANING)

CARTER: Hey, get
us down out of here.

I took out all the ropes holding
the bridge to make my traps.

Pyle!

Good work, Private.

Tag that bridge as destroyed.

Yes, sir. It sure is.

Real jungle warfare.

You've got a good man
under you, Sergeant.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Lieutenant, you were
caught by opposing troops

while on a spy mission.

I'll have to tag you as
"Executed in the field."

All right. All right, sir.
Just get me out of here.

Okay, I'll see what I
can do to cut you loose.

Look out, sir.

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

I set a lot of these traps.

I didn't know how many
enemies there was gonna be.

Well, do something!

All right. In the meantime,

I can tell you how we caught
old reddie fox back home.

You wouldn't believe it.

He was a lot harder
to catch than a man.

What we done was, when
he was hanging there...

Lord, he was a lot
funnier than you guys.

He was hanging there
just swinging away...

Sergeant Carter.

Yes, sir?

For gallantry, resourcefulness,

and exerting initiative
in the highest traditions

of the Corps of the
United States Marines,

your platoon has been
awarded the gold boot,

the rotating trophy displayed by
the finest platoon in this battalion.

Thank you, sir.

And, may I mention,

special credit should go
to Private Gomer Pyle, sir.

STONE: Attention has been
taken of the work of Private Pyle.

Thank you, sir.

STONE: Sergeant
Carter, dismiss your squad.

Aye, aye, sir.

Squad dismissed!

Great, buddy. That was
great. You got us out of here.

How'd you ever do it,
Gome? How'd you do it?

Oh, there wasn't nothin' to it.

I just set out a whole
bunch of these traps here.

(GOMER SCREAMING)

Doggone, these things work good.

Quallah Battoo! Quallah Battoo!