Glee (2009–2015): Season 5, Episode 7 - Puppet Master - full transcript

Blaine believes he has the best plan to win Nationals, but he doesn't take the glee club's criticism too well when the students accuse him of being too controlling. Over in New York, Kurt also runs into control issues when the band disagrees over the venue of their first official gig that Kurt booked. Meanwhile, Sue reveals the story behind her iconic tracksuit and gets in touch with her feminine side.

So here's what you missed
on Glee.

Sue framed Figgins
so she could take his job

so now she's principal
and Becky's her Beckretary.

- Get out, bitch!
- Kurt started a cover band

called Pamela Lansbury
and Rachel's in it

and so is Santana and so is
Dani and so is Elliot,

who they also call Star Child
but his name's really Elliot.

Oh, my God, Star Child.

Jake used to be a man-slut
but then he wasn't

because he met Marley but then
he cheated on Marley with Bree

which was so super mean
because Marley's so nice

and Bree's so horrible
and it's like, geez,

I guess he's a man-slut again.
That's so sad.

My Aunt Felicia always says,
"A tiger can't change his stripes."

And that's what you missed
on Glee.

Hey, um, guys!

Guys... New Directions!

New Directions!

Guys! Hey!

I just ran into Mr. Shue,
and he's gonna be stuck

in his classroom for the
rest of the afternoon

because of some school board
inspection thing,

but he still wanted us to meet so we can
start working on ideas for nationals.


This is anarchy! We can't... we can't
all just shout at the same time.

That's better.

I have some ideas already.
I'm thinking

that the music needs
to be really simple,

so we can really highlight
our voices.

No guitars, or
nothing electronic.

We go with
a simple piano arrangement.

Which I could play.

I'm assuming
you're singing lead?

Well, I am a senior,
and this is my last go at it.

We need to win this.

Well, feels like North Korea
up in here.

Okay, forget the piano.

Forget all the music.

We could just do, um, a
cappella, that always works.

Déjà Warblers. Should we wear
matching blazers, too?

Let's take it back...
What was wrong with the guitars?

Nothing, why can't you guys
just stop resisting me

for a second,
and just go with me?

Okay, Blaine Jong-il.

- Yes! Blaine Jong-il
- I am not trying to be bossy.

I am trying to give
the benefit of my experience.

I have won more show choir
competitions than anyone in this room.

You suck.

A capella is worth a shot.

Let's do it.

Then you two can have
fun in your little barbershop couplet

while the rest of us
discuss something good.

Fine. You don't want my help...

...then I am not gonna give it.

Looks like somebody's

I heard that.

Oh, good.

We're all here.

Thank you, Team Pamela Lansbury, for
assembling on such short notice.

Okay, well, I rescheduled
my dialect session,

so what's up with
this emergency text?

What's up is I just booked
our band's debut gig!


Where? When?

This Thursday, 7:30 p.m., at the
Greenwich Village hot-spot Callbacks.

Ooh, NYADA's premier piano bar. Hold
on, isn't that a Broadway hangout?

Well, traditionally, but
I talked to the manager,

and he says that Thursdays are
kind of their dead nights.

So we can go in
and do whatever we want.

No way, we cannot debut there.

That is instant career suicide.

Yeah, Kurt, look,
not to overstep,

but I-I follow a lot of bands
just starting out,

and it's kind of all
about the launch.

You know, getting music critics
out to see you,

and that's a lot easier
with the right venue.

Oh, come on, Callbacks is
a real funky place.

You know, they've got tons of history.
Yeah, but I can't think

of a single band
that started out there.

I mean, it's not like The Bitter
End or the Mercury Lounge, or...

Yeah, and if people
associate that place

with show tunes, nobody's
gonna come out for...

Our covers
of Madonna's greatest hits?

I disagree, Dani.

Oh, so we're back
to the whole Madonna thing?

Yes, it was my first impulse.

Okay, look, guys, I know it's
untraditional, but you have to trust me.

I was there at Callbacks.

I saw it all, a vision
of perfect clarity.

Every seat was occupied.

A quiet hush fell
over the expectant crowd.

As Pamela Lansbury made
their way to the stage,

and the opening notes of Madonna's 1985
single hit "Into the Groove" begin.

♪ And you can dance ♪

♪ For inspiration ♪ Get
into the groove, boy ♪

♪ You've got to prove
your love to me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ Get up on your feet,
yeah, step to the beat ♪

♪ Boy, what will it be ♪ Music
can be such a revelation ♪

♪ Dancing around
you feel the sweet sensation ♪

♪ We might be lovers if
the rhythm's right ♪

♪ I hope this feeling
never ends tonight ♪

♪ Only when I'm dancing
can I feel this free ♪

♪ At night I lock the doors
where no one else can see ♪

♪ I'm tired of dancing here
all by myself ♪

♪ Tonight I want to dance
with someone else ♪

♪ Get into the groove, boy ♪ You've
got to prove your love to me ♪

♪ Yeah, get up on your feet ♪
♪ Yeah, step to the beat ♪

♪ Boy, what can it be, yeah ♪ Live
out your fantasy here with me ♪

♪ Just let the music
set you free ♪

♪ Touch my body, move in time ♪
♪ Now I know you're mine ♪

♪ Now I know you're mine ♪

♪ Now I know you're mine ♪
Now I know you're mine ♪

♪ Now I know you're mine ♪ You've
got to get into the groove, boy ♪

♪ You've got to prove
your love to me ♪

♪ Yeah, get up on your feet ♪ Yeah,
step to the beat ♪ Boy, what will it be ♪

♪ You have to get
into the groove ♪

♪ Boy, you got to prove
your love to me ♪

♪ Get up on your feet ♪ Yeah, step
to the beat ♪ Boy, what will it be ♪

♪ You've got to
get into the groove. ♪

Oh, it's my fiancé.

Talk amongst yourselves.


Oh, can I just say
Glee Club sucks!

Mr. Shue asked
for ideas for nationals.

And when I gave some genius ones, everyone
got all mad and started dissing me.

Maybe I came on too strong.

But since when is
that a bad thing?

It's not, but you got to remember, at
McKinley everyone has an equal vote.

And if you come on too aggressively,
they might think you're a control-freak

or a puppet master.

Anyway... I was gonna call you.

Pamela Lansbury booked
its first gig.

And I know you were just here,

but I was hoping you could come
cheer us on in the audience.

So, what do you say...
can I send you the deets?

And a JetBlue voucher?

Uh, of course,
I wouldn't miss it.

Wow, I can't believe anyone
would see me as controlling.

You missed a spot.

I'm doing the best I can, Sue.

You know, the way
you clean these floors

is a perfect metaphor for
the way you ran this school.

You did your best, but your
best just wasn't good enough.

Look, I know you're upset

that the school board is coming
today to evaluate McKinley,

and to determine if I'm worthy to
be instated as full-time principal.

And do you realize in my short
time as acting principal,

test scores have risen 42%.

And my new caning policy has dropped both
absences and tardiness down to zero.

So, the truth is you should be cleaning
floors and I should be running schools.

And if you would like
to continue cleaning floors

and feeding your family,
I suggest you do

everything you can to make sure
this place looks just amazing

for this evaluation.

They're in your office, Coach.

One last question
before we come back

for the official evaluation
later in the week.

Why do you want
to be a principal?

Now, I know everyone wants to wear
the crown, but the fantasy of it

can be quite different
from the reality.

Well, more than anyone I have ever
met, I was born to be in charge.

Test scores are up.

Kids are showing up.

Our sports teams are winning.

Heck, even the Glee Club
is back competing

for the national title of clubs
no one really cares about.

And all of this is happening because
I can finally manifest my vision

without having to clear it
with some fool.

You give me this school,
and in one year

it will be the top school
in the state.

I guarantee it.

I'm a champion, gentlemen.

Let me be your champion.

We'll be back in a week.

But between you and me, barring a
total catastrophe, you have my vote.

You certainly have a lot of
trophies, Principal Sylvester.

Well, Superintendent Harris, you're
new in town, you may not be aware,

but I am the only seven-time
national champion cheerleading coach

in the country.

Hmm, my wife used to watch those
competitions on television.

Mm-hmm. Bugged the crap out of me
if I'm gonna be totally honest.


- We're divorced.
- Oh.

Are you married?

No, no.

I married myself once, but I
don't think it was legal.


We should go out
for a beer sometime.

Oh, are you sure that's
appropriate, Bob?

I don't think anyone would see
a couple of guys going out

for a beer as anything shady.

Besides I'm new in town.

I'd like to find some
great dudes to hang out with.

I-I'll call your office, okay?

I'm lactose intolerant, and
I may have to fart, Coach.

I don't look masculine,
do I, Becky?

You have an allure
that goes beyond gender.

That's what I always say.

I have to admit, while I find his hairline
highly suspicious for a man his age,

that Bob Harris thinks I could star
in the sequel to Boys Don't Cry,

honestly, it kind
of bums me out.

Maybe it's your clothes.

You could try on a skirt
every now and then.

No, you don't understand
the era I grew up in.

I became a teacher
almost 30 years ago.

It was 1986.

It was a different time.

I tried being girly.

But I found it hard to get
the respect I felt I deserved.

Boys, no video games in school.

Who are you supposed to be?

I'm the new cheerleading coach.

Do you bop?

Get to class, mates.

I've been trying to sound
like Crocodile Dundee.

Word of advice new Cheerios!
Coach, Sue Sylvester.

Try some pants.

Get to class!

That new cheerleading coach
is one scary dude.

The moment I put that track suit
on, the world bowed before me.

I had one made in every color.

Maybe it's time for a change,

Everybody is scared of you now.

It can't hurt
to girl it up a bit.

You're early.

Geez! Oh, Brad! You scared
the crap out of me!

Warn me before you talk!

I'm sorry, man.
I'm having a bad week.

Tell me about it. I can't stop
playing online blackjack.

I owe thousands of dollars
to some very sketchy people.

Why doesn't anyone
listen to me?

I'm in 23 clubs!

I probably would've been prom king if
this school didn't have so many stoners.

And what's wrong with having
a solid game plan?

My house is getting
foreclosed on.

And get this, my fiancé
called me a "Puppet Master!"

Well, if "pulling strings"

means that I encourage people to
reach their fullest potential,

then, hell yeah,
guilty as charged!

Brad, if everyone just wants
me to sit down and shut up...

that's exactly what
I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna be right back here
in the back corner.

Believe me, that'll
send a message...

Blainey Days!

Blainey Days, wake up!

We're sorry we didn't listen
to you earlier.

Yeah, dawg. Our bad, yo!

I'd love to say something really bitchy
or even downright cruel, but I can't,

because you're clearly the most
talented teenager at this school!

On this planet! Yeah, that's why
we're best friends, even though

I'm straight and you're gay
and I'm blond and you're gay.

May the Force be with you.

Kids, I've got an awesome idea!

This week's lesson is all about the
most inspiring guy we know: Blaine!

Ooh, child,
Unique's got the blues!

And the only way to cure 'em

is to hear Blaine's
smooth-as-a-baby's-butt voice!

Please, Blaine!


Yeah, Blaine!


Well, if you guys insist.
What should I sing?

Oh, I know. Hit it!

♪ Ooh, you make me live ♪ Whatever
this world can give to me ♪

♪ It's you, you're all I see ♪
Ooh, you make me live now, honey ♪

♪ Ooh, you make me live ♪

♪ Oh, you're the best friend
that I ever had ♪

♪ I've been with you
such a long time ♪

♪ You're my sunshine,
and I want you to know ♪

♪ That my feelings are
true ♪ I really love you

♪ Oh, you're my best friend. ♪

♪ Ooh, you make me live! ♪

♪ Ooh, I've been
wandering around back to you ♪

♪ He'll come back to you ♪

♪ Rain or shine,
you stood by me, girl ♪

♪ And I'm happy at home ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪

♪ Ooh, you make me live ♪ Whenever
this world is cruel to me ♪

♪ I've got you to help
me forgive ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, you make me live now,
honey ♪

♪ And I'm happy ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh, you're my best friend ♪

♪ Ooh, you make me live,
ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, you're my best
friend ♪ Oh-oh ♪ Oh-oh! ♪

♪ Oh-oh! You make me live! ♪

Blainey Days, Blainey Days,
what's wrong with you?

Yeah, dude, you didn't say
a word the entire class.

Didn't even sing.

You want us to call you
a waaambulance?

'Cause your pity party
is out of control.

Yeah, girl, check yourself
before you wreck yourself!

And again. Five, six, seven, eight.
Go one, two... four.

Six, eight.

Sharper. Two, three,
here it comes.

Make sure we land.

Oh, God, okay, I've seen enough.
Everyone stop.

Look, I'm gonna do
you guys a favor. You suck,

and I can't be bothered
to keep wasting my time.

Hit the showers and get focused.

Please, tomorrow,
we are doing 540s.

Oh, my God, her, too?

All of them, actually.

Jake, hey, uh, listen,
I just wanted to say thanks

for sticking up for me
in Glee Club.

Sometimes I feel like
I'm the only one

that cares about pushing us
so we can nail it, you know?

Yeah, I know, I mean, I'm
getting pretty sick of it, too.

Um, I don't know how else
to say this, but...

there's something's going on
in the choir room.

I don't know if it's haunted or
like a space-time rift happening,

but trust me, do yourself a
favor, sit in the back corner.

It's crazy.

Dance has never been our strong
suit, but I think with Jake's help,

we can really kick it
up a notch. Jake?

What's the point?

I'm sorry?

Seriously, what is the point?

I could choreograph a sick
dance, none of you can keep up.

I mean, half of you can't even
do it and won't even try. Why?

Because you're not dancers.

So let's not waste my time.

Let's just do another cut-and-paste dance
routine that even Tina can pick up.

You are such a conceited jerk.

I'm not conceited, I'm bored.

Please, we've seen
your dance moves.

They're fine, not epic.

Oh, you want to see epic?

Give me a beat!

♪ Sittin' in the movie show
thinking nasty thoughts ♪

♪ Uh! Uh! ♪

♪ Better be a gentleman
or you'll turn me off, uh, huh ♪

♪ That's right,
and let me tell it ♪

♪ Nasty, nasty boys
don't mean a thing, uh, huh ♪

♪ Oh, you nasty boys ♪ Nasty, nasty
boys, don't ever change, huh ♪

♪ Oh, you nasty boys ♪ I
don't like no nasty girl ♪

♪ I don't like nasty food,
uh, huh ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ The only nasty thing I like
is a nasty groove, uh! ♪

♪ Will this one do? ♪

♪ Uh-huh, I know, sing ♪ I'm not a
prude, I just want some respect ♪

♪ That's right ♪ So close the door if
you want me to respond, ooh, yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause privacy
is my middle name ♪

♪ My last name is control ♪ No,
my first name ain't "baby" ♪

♪ It's Janet... Ms. Jackson
if you're nasty ♪

♪ People of the world today ♪ Are we
looking for a better way of life? ♪

♪ Say! We are a part
of the rhythm nation ♪

♪ Rhythm! ♪
♪ People of the world unite ♪

♪ Strength in numbers,
we can get it right, one time ♪

♪ Sing on ♪ We are a part
of the rhythm nation ♪

♪ Everybody! ♪

♪ Nasty, nasty boys ♪
♪ Don't mean a thing ♪

♪ We are a part
of the rhythm nation ♪

♪ Everybody sing it ♪ Nasty,
nasty boys don't ever change ♪

♪ We are a part
of the rhythm nation ♪

♪ Rhythm... ♪ We are a part
of the rhythm nation ♪

♪ Sing it ♪

♪ It goes to hear the rhythm ♪

♪ We are a part of the rhythm
nation ♪
♪ Oh, you nasty boys. ♪

Baby-faced mocha-teen boy,

Where is everyone?

They left minutes ago,
muttering hateful comments

about your snide, nasty
mouth and bad boy attitudes.

Now clear out!

Excuse me, Miss Alfano.

As much as I've really enjoyed learning
about yarn these past three months,

I was wondering, since Arts and
Crafts is my senior elective,

if maybe I could do my own
thing and venture into felt

and fabric and even
yarn and make a puppet?

Your request surely begs
the question,

"Why on earth would an 18-year-old
man want to make a puppet?"

Well... it's not just any puppet...
It's a puppet of my fiancé.

We're 600 miles apart, and even though
I get to see him tomorrow night,

I'd really like
to see him right now,

even though it might be
only in my imagination.

Fine. Make a puppet.

May I experiment with découpage?


I forgave myself
a long time ago.

I think it's time
I forgive you now.

You are right.
Please forgive me.

In this argument, I don't have
a leg to stand on.

Hey, Principal... uh, Coach.

Um, geez, are you okay?
Oh, what's with the shoes?

Man, you have big feet.

Well, I'm sorry if my femininity
threatens you. What is that?

Did you just touch me
with a puppet?

Oh, I made it in Crafts class.

Get that thing out of here!

I don't ever want
to see that thing

in my hallway again! What?
You can't just ban puppets.

Are you saying that
because of the shoes?

Are you less afraid of me?

In a few days' time
I am going to be evaluated

on my abilities
to run this school.

If the school board comes here
and sees schizophrenic students

clearly off their meds
talking to puppets,

they are gonna think I don't
have a handle on things.

Well... Hey, hey! Kurt puppet!

This is contraband. And if
I catch you with your hand

up the butt of anything that isn't
human, you're in a world of trouble.

But... Be careful.

Damn it!

Sue, I... look,
I-I'm trying to work.

Do you mind coming back in,
like, an hour to barge in here

- without knocking and start insulting
me for no reason? - Oh, sure, sure, pal.

I just, uh, I want to ask
you a question first.

Um... you're an oddly
feminine man.


Oh, please, you just
literally did a pirouette.

Sue, just because a guy can dance
doesn't make him effeminate.

That's what I'm saying.
When you dance, somehow

you're able to maintain
your manliness.

Here's the thing:

Um... I happen to have a sizeable crush
on the handsomest man in the universe,

Superintendent Bob Harris.

I've had multiple
conversations with him.

In fact, several days ago, I was quite
certain he was flirting with me.

But it turns out all this
time he thought I was a man.

I blame the Johnny Cash song,
"A Boy Named Sue."

You know what they used
to say about Ginger Rogers?


That she could lead her partner while
dancing backwards in high heels.

I have no idea how that is
germane to this conversation.

Ginger Rogers was
the pinnacle of femininity.

I mean, she was one of the most
famous dancers in the world,

and her partner was Fred Astaire, maybe
the greatest dancer of all time.

Again, I don't know how this
pertains to what I'm talking about.

The point is, Ginger Rogers did
everything Fred Astaire did...

only she did it backwards
and in high heels.

I mean, she managed to find a
way to be feminine and strong.

Half the time when it looked like
Fred Astaire was leading her?

She was leading him.

Tell you what.

Let's make a deal.

I'll teach you to lead while
dancing backwards in high heels,

and you give me the $600 I need
for new costumes at nationals.

Forget it.

I'm sorry, there's no way
in hell I'm going to give

the Glee Club more
money for costumes

until you can explain
to me how you paid for

that 18-cubic-foot inflatable Lady Gaga
airbag that you strapped onto the back

of the crippled
kid's wheelchair.

That was at least
$1,000 right there, William.


Suit yourself.

Hey, doll.

What do you say
you and I cut a rug?

♪ Heaven ♪ I'm in heaven ♪ And my heart
beats so that I can hardly speak ♪

♪ And I seem to find ♪ The happiness
I seek ♪ When we're out together ♪

♪ Dancing cheek to cheek ♪

♪ Heaven ♪ I'm in heaven ♪ And the cares
that hung around me through the week ♪

♪ Seem to vanish ♪ Like a
gambler's lucky streak ♪

♪ When we're out together ♪
♪ Dancing cheek to cheek ♪

♪ Oh, I love to climb
a mountain ♪

♪ And to reach
the highest peak ♪

♪ But it doesn't thrill me
half as much ♪

♪ As dancing cheek to cheek ♪

♪ Oh, I love to go out fishing ♪
♪ Go out fishing ♪

♪ In a river or a creek ♪
♪ Or a creek ♪

♪ But I don't enjoy it
half as much ♪

♪ As dancing cheek to cheek ♪

♪ And I seem to find ♪ The happiness
I seek ♪ When we're out together ♪

♪ Dancing cheek to cheek. ♪

Come on, Coach!

Wake up!

I've got to shop for
a mini-fridge for college!

Oh, God, let it go.
I don't want a girlfriend.

Shut up.

I don't want to be
your girlfriend, either.

Then what?

I'm late for class.

I'm pregnant.

With your baby.

Bree, this is... All I'm
going to ask is that

you come with me
to the doctor, okay?

Wh-What are your parents
going to say?

No... parents.

This is staying between us.


It's the right thing to do.


Well, well, well.

If it isn't Miss Sally Field
in Not Without My Puppet.

Did you really think I was
too stupid to suspect

that you would come back here
under the cloak of darkness

to claim your monstrous puppet-bride,
you strange, tiny, doe-eyed pervert?

Kindly remove your fist
from Puppet Hummel's butt

and place him gingerly
on the desk.

And now report to detention
for the rest of the week.

But I was supposed to fly to New
York to see Kurt's first big show.

Well, then you're gonna have to
cancel Wonder Woman's invisible jet,

or whatever magic discount

bullet train you kids use for
your weekly jaunts to New York.

Now, get out of here.

Go feel shame.

Hi. Hey. Did you get your ticket
that I reserved for you, house-left?

Kurt, I was gonna call you.

Um, please don't be mad, but...
I'm not in New York, I'm in Lima.

A-Are you kidding? What happened?
Did you miss your flight?

- A-Are you okay?
- I-I'm fine.

- I'm just, um...
- I'm just trying to explain.

Yes, why don't you explain... and
it better be a good explanation.

Well, Principal Sylvester
gave me detention,

and she said if I tried to skip
it that she was gonna suspend me

and put it on my permanent record.
Hang on.

Whoa, whoa, wait one second.

And you weren't
going to call me?

I-I was trying my best
not to hurt you.

All I did was steal back
the Kurt puppet

- that I made in crafts class.
- Excuse me?

The-the what puppet? What the
hell are you talking about?

Uh, I-I know, it's, uh, it's kind of...
a weird story.

But basically,
I was missing you.

And is that how you see me?

As a thing of felt and cloth and
button eyes that has no feelings,

that you can play with and manipulate
and then discard whenever you're bored?

- Oh, no.
- I'm a person, Blaine.

I am flesh and blood and bone, and
this is a really big night for me,

and I needed you to be here.



We can release Blaine's seat.

I don't think that's
gonna be necessary.

One person?

And he thinks Angela
Lansbury's performing.

I told you so.

Let's be real for a second.

I've never been all that
nice to you, and I don't

really get whatever's...
going on with you,

but I have to say, there's a part
of me that really admires it.

When a woman of my stature needs a
makeover, she rings up all her best gays,

but unfortunately, Porcelain, the
Sassy Toothless Elf, is in New York.

So... God's most fabulous
mistake, I turn to you.

I want to look more like a lady.

Girl, I have already pulled out my
makeup kit... I got you, boo.

Welcome, teen delinquents, to
detention, AKA "The Beck-fast Club,"

named after Miss Becky Jackson,

who has been here
more than any other student.

Yeah, why is that?

'Cause I like saying
bad words, bitch!

Jacob X. Puckerman, you were
caught red-handed starting another

exciting yet forbidden fistfight in the
William McKinley High School hallways.

Why are you such
a mysterious musical bad boy?

It is now 4:01.

You have exactly eight hours
to ponder the horrific

error of your pubescent ways.

There will be no talking and no
monkeyshines, is that clear?


You know, maybe
we could use this time

to get to know each other
a little better.

We could sit in a circle on
the floor and tell each other

about our core wounds.

Or you shut your hole.

I'm going to college soon, I don't
have time for your lame-ass bull crap.

I'm sorry, Blaine Warbler.

But that was totally

Please come sit with me.

Sometimes I fly off the handle.

Like yesterday, when I taped
Dottie's buns together.

I did it for my old man.

I wanted him to think
I was cool.

That's really heavy, Becky.
Thanks for sharing.

What's going on with you,

Well, to tell the truth, guys, I
feel really, really guilty about

missing Kurt's show in New York.

Why? It's a stupid
cover band.

And, dude, you go to New York all the
time... you were just there last week.

True. But Kurt needs me.

- We all need you, because
you are so awesome. - Yeah,

you're America's gay sweetheart.

Thanks, guys.

You guys are, like,
my only real friends.

But we're not real;
we're puppets.

Maybe that's a bad thing.

Maybe the fact that I can
only really feel like myself

with friends I can
totally control is keeping me

from really feeling like
I'm close to anyone.

Maybe it's indicative
of a deeper intimacy issue.

Or maybe everyone
should just wise up

and start doing everything you se, because
you are so right on all the time.

By the way, did
you notice you're

now having puppet fantasies
outside the choir room?

That's not normal.

Seriously, you might
want to get a CAT scan.

Hello, hello.
Wake up. Hey.

Will you cover for me, please?
I've got to leave early.

Uh, y-yeah, sure. Why?

It's not important. Later.

Hey, so, are you ready to go?

No need. The crimson tide
is rolling again.

I got my period.

I'm not pregnant.

I guess I was just
late... this month.

Are you serious?
That's awesome news.

Oh, I am so relieved.
You're relieved?

Why? I was the one who had
to go to the doctor visit.

No, I just mean that I'm
relieved that the whole thing

is over, you know,
for the both of us.

Let me hit you with the blunt
instrument of reality, Puckerman.

You're still you, a douchey playboy
who's gonna spend the rest of his life

dealing with one mess after
another as long as he lives.

One of these days, you are gonna
knock someone up, and I feel bad

for whoever has to have a child
that shares your DNA.

Hey, I'm gonna make
a great father one day.

To who?

Your seven kids
by seven different women?

Not unless you change.

Bree, look, I'm sorry, okay? I know
this whole thing was really scary

- and traumatic... - Just do me a favor
and stay away from me from now on.

You're toxic.

Little known fact?

McKinley saved a bundle on new
lockers by using recycled metal.

These lockers
are actually Kalashnikovs

that were melted down
during the war in Chechnya.

Uh, Principal Sylvester, Yes.
I owe you an apology. I...

I get in "business mode," and I may not
be that observant, so I... Well, I...

might've overlooked
your more... feminine side.

Oh. No worries, Superintendant.

No worries.


And this... is the choir
room of McKinley's pride and joy,

our national championship glee
club, the New Directions.

Attention, McKinley School Board,
Sue Sylvester has put our children

in grave danger.

There is a gas leak in this room

that is a direct result of Sue
Sylvester's failed leadership!

No, there was a gas leak in
this room, but I fixed it.

I know a gas-induced
fantasy dance sequence

when I experience one.

And despite the fact that facilities
management is under your jurisdiction,

Janitor Figgins, I found the
problem, I corrected it

and now I'm cutting your pay
in half.

Principal Sylvester,
we've seen enough.

Yours is precisely the type
of leadership this school needs.

The board would like to make you
principal on a permanent basis.


Congratulations, Sue.

Oh, thank you so
much, Superintendant.

How about we go out
and celebrate?

Excuse me?

Would you like to go out
on a date with me?

Um... no.

I don't want to do that.

Am I okay?

I mean, is this what it feels
like to be losing your mind?

I'm unraveling.

I feel like Mel Gibson
in The Beaver.

More like
Mel Gibson in Mad Max,

with your abs and your...

Wait, what leather?

The leather I was
imagining you in

when I was rubbing vapor cream all
over your smooth... hairless... chest.

Tina, I'm engaged.

- Hey, what's going on? - Uh... nothing.
I'm-I'm just, um, cleaning my head out.

Just trying to figure
some stuff out.

Is that supposed to be me?

What?! That's...
that-that's crazy.

She has Asian eyes
and my exact dress.

Total coincidence.

Not everything
is about you, Tina.

What do you want?

I just wanted to let you know
that everybody feels bad.

We spent pretty much the
whole Glee session discussing

how much pressure you're under
with nationals, graduation...

The engagement. You were just trying to
exert some control. And the truth is,

you should have some.
You've earned it.

Sam suggested you should have the lead
on one of the songs at nationals.

So we took a vote
and it was unanimous.

Piano, a capella,
whatever you think is right.

- Thanks, Tina.
- Of course.

So if you're done being
a puppet master,

do you think you could take your
hand out from under my dress?

- Um...
- Yeah.

- Um... - It's okay.
- Sorry about that.


I'm gonna miss having
a Kurt puppet though.

He did anything I said.


All right, settle down, Puppet Tina.
Okay. I get it. Blainey Days...

Marley. Marley, Marley, please.

Please just
listen. Please.

30 seconds. Go.

I miss you.

Every minute of every day.

And I know that I screwed
things up really badly,

and I'm sorry. I know what I lost and
I know that I can't be without you.

I need you. I don't want
to be this jerk anymore,

and you are the only one who can
make me a better person.

A good person.
I'm not here to fix you, Jake.

I know, I know, I know.
That's why I'm here.

To make it right, to make it
better, to make me better.

I'm sorry, but we gave it a try and it...
just wasn't right.

So after all that... you're saying
you don't have any feelings for me?

I think that you're
a good friend and teammate...

Marley... but I just don't
feel the same as you.

Not anymore.

Marley, please.

I got to get to class.

I'll see you later in Glee Club.

Look, I know we don't know why
Kurt called this meeting.

It's probably
to retire the band,

but we can't rub it in and say,
"I told you so."

That would be devastating.

Well, I wouldn't do that, and I'm not gonna
let Kurt disband Pamela Lansbury.

Look, I might not agree
with all of his decisions,

but he is our leader
and he's an artist,

and artists should be allowed
to fail.

Who says we failed?

Cronuts, anyone?


Oh, this? No big deal.

Just a little token from the booking
agency of the Williamsburg Music Hall,

which is the location
of our second gig!

What? Are you serious?

- How? - Okay, true, we only had one
audience member at our last show,

but it happened to be the
right audience member

because, not only was he
a devoted Angela Lansbury fan,

but he also liked what he saw,
made a secret bootleg

and passed it along
to his nephew, who works at

the Williamsburg Music Hall. The Williamsburg
Music Hall, which also just happens to be...

One of the hottest venues
in Brooklyn.

Good work, fearless leader.

Well, it wasn't just me. It was...
also a lot of luck and-and you guys.

Because, you know, whether Pamela
Lansbury implodes or explodes,

I really have to thank you guys
for sticking by me.

Uh, package for Kurt Hummel.


Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, it's from Blaine.

He sends a gift to say sorry for missing
the performance the other night.

That's so nice!

Okay, that is creepy as hell.

Is there one for each of us?

Guys, I just wanted
to apologize to all of you.

I've been a little bit controlling
lately and it's not cool.

I've made some changes though
and I've learned that sometimes

you just need to let go.

Cut the strings, so to speak.

I bet you'll still
be bossy as hell.

Actually, I hope to
be more of a leader,

as opposed to being
just bossy, Kitty.

So to celebrate this new
laissez-faire Blaine,

I've made some felt
peace offerings.


- What?
- Whoa!

It has glasses!

I think we look alike.

♪ Dog goes woof ♪ Cat goes meow ♪ Bird
goes tweet ♪ And mouse goes squeak ♪

♪ Cow goes moo ♪ Frog goes croak ♪ And
the elephant goes toot ♪ Ducks say quack ♪

♪ And fish go blub ♪ And the seal
goes ow ow ow ♪ But there's one sound ♪

♪ That no one knows ♪
♪ What does the fox say? ♪

♪ Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding-ding-ding ♪

♪ Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding-ding-ding ♪

♪ Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding-ding-ding ♪

♪ What the fox say? ♪

♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow ♪
♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow ♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow ♪

♪ What the fox say? ♪

♪ Hee, hee, hee ♪ A-hee, hee, hee ♪
♪ A-hee, hee, hee ♪ What the fox say? ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪ Ooh... ♪
♪ What does the fox say?

♪ The secret of the fox ♪ Ancient
mystery ♪ Somewhere deep in the woods ♪

♪ I know you're hiding ♪
♪ What is your sound? ♪

♪ Will we ever know? ♪

♪ Will always be a mystery ♪
♪ What do you say? ♪

♪ You're my guardian angel ♪ Hiding
in the woods ♪ What is your sound? ♪

♪ Wa-wa-way-do ♪

♪ Wub-wid-bid-dum-way-do ♪

♪ Wa-wa-way-do ♪

♪ Will we ever know? ♪

♪ I want to
♪ Wa-wa-way-do ♪

♪ Know, I want to know ♪ I
want to know ♪ Wa-wa-way-do. ♪