Glee (2009–2015): Season 5, Episode 20 - The Untitled Rachel Berry Project - full transcript

Rachel meets a famous television writer, whose eccentric personality catches Rachel off guard. Meanwhile, Sam and Mercedes deal with the pressure of commitment as their careers take off, and the time has finally come for Blaine's big showcase with June Dolloway at NYADA. Musical performances include "Shakin' My Head", "All Of Me", "Girls On Film", "Glitter In The Air", "No Time At All ", "American Boy", and "Pompeii'.

So here's what you missed
on Glee.

Rachel went to LA to audition
for a TV show,

but it was terrible and she
missed her performance,

but then she found out
that the TV executives

want to write a TV show
around her.

Sam's a male model and
Mercedes' album's about to drop

and they're still going out,
except Mercedes definitely

wants to save herself
for marriage.

Sassy heiress June Dolloway
wants to put on a showcase

for Blaine, but Blaine lied to
Kurt and said he's in it, too.

And that's what you missed
on Glee!

- Uh, there. - Oh, no, huge audition
this week for Treasure Trailz.

They're kind of, like, on the
forefront of the manscaping movement.

I mean, they're going all out:

billboards, print, bus ads.

Okay, my dream of being
almost naked on a public bus

is this close to coming true.

Well, you know, I'm gonna be
spray-painting "mine"

Over all those ads.

Because if I'm gonna be
out of town on this mall tour,

I'm gonna need those 'rexy
models you're working with

to know that you have
a girl, and she fights...

- Dirty.
- Dirty.

See? This is exactly what
my show needs to be about.

Old friends struggling
to make it in this world.

Is it normal
for a network to send

a writer to hang out with
the star to figure out the show?

Only when their star's
incredibly interesting.

Mary Halloran is a genius.

She sold her first script
when she was 14 years old.

Yeah, I just don't like

the idea of someone crashing
Monday night dinner.

No, but the point is for her
to really see my life

and understand my essence,
and you guys are so much about

besides my work,
my talent and my ambition, so...

Oh, here she is.
Okay, you guys, be really nice,

'cause I don't want her
to feel alienated.

We got to figure out a way to
invite Mary to our showcase.

I mean, Rachel shouldn't be the only one
with a chance for small-screen stardom.

Oh. Totally.

Oh, my God!

Brittany, what's happening!

What up, bitches?

What are you doing here?

Look who's here.



I thought that
you were on Lesbian Island.


I lost my passport and
I was trapped in the airport,

like Tom Hanks in that movie.

- Castaway?
- Big?

- The Money Pit?
- Okay, it was Castaway.

So, where's Santana?

Oh, uh, she's shooting
a Yeast-I-Stat commercial

in Iowa for a week.

Apparently, they had the best

wheat fields
to slow-motion-run through.

She didn't call and tell you?

No. I gave up my cell phone
after Kiki and I and broke up.

The pain was too great.


Hello? I'm Mary Halloran.

- Yes.
- Oh, is that Chinese food?

Just the smell of it
gives me the Lady Di's.

Oh, I'm s... Hello.
I am Rachel Berry.

It is so nice to meet you.
Let me introduce you

to my friends... Oh,
no, no, don't bother.

I have a thing about names.

Jonathan says it's

a form of narcissism,

but I think it's related
to my anxiety disorder.

Ooh, who's-who's Jonathan?

He's my Tuesday-Thursday shrink.

At least I think
that's his name. You know,

that wonton smell's going
straight to my tummy.

Bathroom. Now.
It-It's right there.


Oh, I'm really excited
to be working with you,

by the way, Randy.

It's gonna be a blast.

Okay, let's start writing!

"The Untitled Mary Halloran




tell me about yourself.

Well, let's see, uh,
I-I have two gay dads.


We can use that!

Oh, good. Okay.

Do they work for NASA?

No, they don't.



- dads.
- N... Uh...

So, you're a senior?

Um, yes, I-I started out in
my high school glee club, so...


We can't use that.

Oh. I'm so sorry. The a
capella thing is so over.

But you're on Broadway.


Uh! What's that like?

It's amazing.
Um, I-I do eight shows

a week, so it's a little,
you know, tiring, but...


I'm sorry?

Is this, like, your process?

Mm! What is Mary-bot's process?

Does not compute.

Meh! Meh! Meh! Meh!

Okay. Um...

so, how-how did you...

start writing?

Well, my freshman year

at Princeton, I wrote a version

of The Diary of Anne Frank,

where Anne was played by
an upright Oreck vacuum cleaner.

It transferred to New York,
where I won an Obie,

and then I got
a MacArthur Genius Grant.

- Oh, wow.
- Oh!

I'm so bored!
Too much work!

Can I use your bathroom?

I'm not gonna pee.

I'm just gonna snoop
through the cabinets.

But before you say anything,
remember that it's Opposite Day.


Thank you.

Miss Jones,
here we are with the launch

of your nationwide tour
of shopping malls.

As you look ahead to a summer
of autograph signings

and mall appearances
and glamorous events

at Marriott Hotels
across our great, great country,

how do you feel?

You know, I feel
absolutely amazing.

We're gonna meet up
with Santana in Reno,

and I even got the label
to bring along my girl Brittany

as my star backup dancer.

We're gonna be
like Charlie's Angels!

I get to be Farrah...
no arguments.

I'm the Angel that torches
stuff with her laser eyes.

♪ Oh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, ah ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey! ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head,
sh-sh-sh-shakin' my head ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ Sh-sh-sh-shakin'
my head ♪

♪ Every day when I awaken ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ The questions
got my head a-shakin' ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Like why does gravy
give you heart attacks? ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ And why do Republicans hate
the blacks, hate the blacks ♪

♪ Hate the blacks?
And how come Jesus looks ♪

♪ Just like a white guy ♪

♪ When he's from Palestine? ♪

♪ That can't be right, no ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head,
sh-sh-shakin' my head ♪

♪ Oh, sh-sh-shakin' my head,
sh-sh-shakin' my head, hey ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head,
sh-sh-shakin' my head ♪

♪ No, no, sh-sh-shakin' my head,
sh-sh-shakin' my head ♪

♪ No, no, no, no ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, oh, oh ♪

♪ When I fly on up to Heaven,
God will set me straight ♪

♪ Like how come
I drink Diet Coke ♪

♪ And I keep gaining weight? ♪

♪ Jesus, my Lord and Savior ♪

♪ Yeah, you know it's true ♪

♪ But God, good God ♪

♪ It's raining, too ♪

♪ Ooh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head ♪

♪ Sh-Sh-Shakin' my head,
sh-sh-shakin' my head ♪

♪ People, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Wonder ♪

♪ About the world today ♪

♪ Hey, I don't, I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, ah. ♪



- I brought BabyCakes.
- Oh.

- What were you doing up there?
- Oh, I like

to measure the stage
to see how many paces

I have in each direction...
that way

if I decide to freestyle,

I won't fall on my ass
into the crowd.


You know, success depends
on three things.

It depends on talent,
hard work and... luck,

and if you have the first two, you
won't have to worry about the third.

Oh. Who said that?

Me. Just now.

All right.

Should I seat Michael Bay
next to Walter Cronkite?

Uh, I'm pretty sure
Walter Cronkite died.

Oh. That's sad.

It's okay, don't
worry about Walter...

he had a fantastic life.

And he made great Manhattans.

It's not Walter.
It's... it's Kurt.

I've... been
carrying around

this lie that he's
gonna be in the showcase.

Can we just give him one song?

Blaine, I am putting the most
valuable currency I have

into this event, and that
currency is my reputation.

All the people come here
because I am their taste-maker.

And my palate...

is undeniable when
it comes to talent,

and I cannot jeopardize
my track record because

your friend doesn't
like to hear bad news.

Kurt is amazing.
He's incredible.

You take my lead, and
the world will greet you

like Venus in a clamshell.

You cross me,

you will be driftwood.


♪ What would I do
without your smart mouth ♪

♪ Drawing me in
and you kicking me out ♪

♪ You got my head spinning ♪

♪ No kidding ♪

♪ I can't pin you down ♪

♪ What's going on
in that beautiful mind? ♪

♪ I'm on your ♪

♪ Magical mystery ride ♪

♪ And I'm so dizzy ♪

♪ Don't know what hit me ♪

♪ But I'll be all right ♪

♪ My head's underwater ♪

♪ But I'm breathing fine ♪

♪ You're crazy ♪

♪ And I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ 'Cause all of me ♪

♪ Loves all of you ♪

♪ Love your curves ♪

♪ And all your edges ♪

♪ All your
perfect imperfections ♪

♪ 'Cause I give you all... ♪

♪ Of me ♪

♪ And you give me all... ♪

♪ Of you ♪

♪ Give me all of you ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Cards on the table ♪

♪ We're both showing ♪

♪ Hearts ♪

♪ Risking it all ♪

♪ Though it's hard ♪

♪ 'Cause all of me ♪

♪ Loves all of you ♪

♪ Love your curves ♪

♪ And all your edges ♪

♪ All your
perfect imperfections ♪

♪ 'Cause I give you ♪

♪ All... ♪

♪ Of me ♪

♪ And you give me all of you ♪

♪ Oh, oh. ♪

Well, I brought you lunch,

but it looks like
you already had dessert.

That was nice.

Are you gonna put that
in the showcase?

June doesn't
want you in the showcase.

And she never did.

So, you've been lying
to me this whole time?

I thought I could convince her,

and then they wouldn't
be lies anymore.

I love you.

How am I supposed to believe
that you love me if I can't even

- trust you?
- I did it because I love you.

You lied to me!

We had long conversations
about this.

I didn't know what else to do.

I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.

I... I am...
I am so, so sorry.

Yeah, I bet you are.

Too bad I can't believe
in anything else you say.

What is with the rubber band?


Just, it's been a while since
I've been intimate with a girl,

so I ***

Oh, I know what you mean.
It's been, like,

nine hours since got laid.
I'm going nuts.

All right, cattle kids.

Listen up.
I'm Charlie Darling,

and you're all here
on zero notice

because there's an advertising
crisis over at the...

Treasure Trailz campaign.

Their big model got sent
to prison for running

an underground teacup
dog-fighting ring in Miami.

They have billboards
set to launch

in a few days, so it's time

for a new
Treasure Trailz coverboy.

We're going to do this
fast, and we're gonna

do it dirty. Walk.

If you can't get into my jeans

with your walk,
then you don't have it.

I brought some girls

to help set the mood.

For the love of God,
please, someone just turn me on.

♪ See them walking hand in hand
across the bridge at midnight ♪

♪ Heads turning as the lights
flashing out it's so bright ♪

♪ Then walk right out
to the fourline track ♪

♪ There's a camera
rolling on her back ♪

♪ On her back ♪

♪ And I sense
the rhythm humming ♪

♪ In a frenzy
all the way down her spine ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ Two minutes later ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ Got your picture ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ Wider, baby, smiling ♪

♪ You just made a million ♪

♪ Fuses pumping live heat
twisting out on a wire ♪

♪ Give me shudders
in a whisper ♪

♪ Take me up
till I'm shooting a star ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ She's more than a lady ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ See you together ♪

♪ Girls on film ♪

♪ Yeah, girls on film. ♪

You... what's your name?

Uh, Sam Evans.

Sam, you are seriously
buzzing with sex.

Uh, maybe it's just
'cause I'm a little backed up.

My, uh, girlfriend and I...

we're waiting
till we get married.

Whatever it is, it's working.

Come back tonight for the shoot.

Everything about you just
screams Treasure Trailz.

What's this?

We need to have
a little girl talk.

It's about Sam.

Are you gonna break up with him
before you go on tour?

Sam, I think you need to
break it off with Mercedes.

It's just the
gentlemanly thing to do.

We love each other.

You're going to be traveling
all over the country,

meeting tons of people.

Guys are gonna be, like,

throwing themselves at you.

Listen, I've got my posse

and my Jesus.

I can resist temptation!

But Sam can't.

Sam is cool with the whole

waiting until marriage thing.

He barely even thinks
about it anymore.

It's all I think about.

Like today, there were
all these boobs all around me,

and I almost passed out...
but I didn't.

I controlled it.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie.

It is scary, worrying about what
the person you love is doing

while you're
a million miles away,

but it's worth the risk.

And Sam respects me.

And if that makes me a romantic
and not a realist,

well, that's the way that
I'm choosing to live my life.

Look, guys,
I'm committed to Mercedes, okay?

She's the one.
I'm not gonna screw it up.

Look, being in love

is amazing,
and when you have it,

it's terrifying to let it go,

but sometimes the best chance
you have of staying together

is by being apart for a while.


Rachel's one of those people
that, when she sets a goal,

she doesn't stop
until she gets it.

I've never met anyone...

Did you just put
a donut in your bra?


Did you want this one?

So, are we gonna begin, or...?

I love your attitude,

and I'm okay with your loafers.

We're gonna have
to change your name, though.

Do you prefer Slaine or Fane?

I'm sorry.
Are you an actual writer

from a real-life
television network?

Shoop shoop!
Shoop shoop da-doop!

Can I just say that you are
a breath of fresh air,

and I love your pajamas?

Don't steal my pajamas!

Little mousies
live in the pockets!


All right.

And a kitty lives in my pants.

Rachel, that chick is insane.

I think she's amazing.
When Mary and I spoke

telepathically, I told her
I'd watch any show she created.

If you go out for that TV
show, you're going to have

to burn a lot of bridges.

Sidney Greene even said
he's gonna blackball you

if you missed another
performance. What is he gonna do

when he finds out
you're quitting on him?

Shh! Look, if I do this TV show,
then I can, like,

come back to New York afterwards
and do any show I want

for, like, ten times
the amount of money.

but if you're making that bet,

I wish you'd bet on your voice,

not some crazy psychopath
who eats couch cushions.

The armrest is
the sweetest meat.

Look, you're the star
of the show,

but you have to trust

your instincts, not hers.

Okay, you guys, welcome to
the first informal read-through

of the Untitled
Mary Halloran Project.

So, I will be playing
the role of Rachel.

Blaine, you'll be
playing Slaine,

and Brittany, you'll be
playing Nittany.

I'm guessing I'm Jam?

- Blartie?
- Yes.

Cert? I'm Cert,
like the breath mint.

Let's start with scene one.

Interior Cert
and Rachel's apartment.

"Rachel eats a full sheet cake
in a bathtub,

thinking about her gay dads
who work for NASA."



Hey, where did you get
that dinosaur suit?

I found it in a Dumpster
in the Bronx, so I put it on,

but then I was afraid it might
have lice, so I took it off,

but then I missed having it on,
so I put it back on.


My stupid gay NASA dads forgot
that today was my birthday,

and I know that they're on the
International Space Station,

but I, like, never even
forget their anniversary.

Hashtag D-B-E-Y-R.

Hashtag D-I-L-L-I-G-A-S.

Hashtag, hashtag...

...hashtag, hashtag.

Hashtag, hashtag...

"...hashtag, hashtag,

hashtag, hashtag."

Why don't we move
to, uh, scene 12?

That was weird.

That was uber weird.

It is so wrong that we just
slept together. Uber wrong.

I'm gay, and you're
mostly lesbian,

but here's what I'm thinking.

I know what
you're going to say.

Okay, let's just say it at the
same time at the count of three.

One, two, three.

Let's keep sleeping together

and start an art gallery

in the performance space

- Oh. Mmm.
- Mmm.


Okay, well, why...

why don't we, uh,

move onto... Rachel's
impromptu birthday rave?

What's going on?

It's a rave. Coffee rave!

It's a coffee rave!

Everybody's drinking coffee.

Why coffee?
I don't know.

No one's here.

It's the worst
coffee rave ever.

It's for Rachel!

Her gay astronaut dads
forgot her birthday.

She sort of has an issue with
people forgetting birthdays.

For a while, she went
to therapy about it.

I'm-I'm sorry. Can we stop?

The speech goes on
for, like, six more pages.

I don't even see
any punctuation.

Everyone keeps stopping just
when I start getting into it.

This doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, I sort of called that.

Girl, you're gonna have
to do something.

You're right,
and Kurt was right, too.

If I'm going to do this,

it's going to be my show,
or no show at all.

They're full of diseases.

Pretty hard to dance at your
showcase with bumblefoot.

Humans can't get bumblefoot.

And I don't want
to do the showcase anymore.

You are more important
to me than anything.

What do you think it's like
to fly for the first time?

I mean, here you are
up in this nest,

which is the only
home you've ever known,

and even though your DNA and
millions of years of evolution

are telling you
that if you jump,

you won't hit the
ground like a stone,

you can never really know.

Relationships are like that.

You give someone your
heart to look after,

and you tell yourself
that you're safe, but...

you never know if
today or tomorrow

is going to be the day that
they drop it like a stone.

Kurt, I'm really,
really, really sorry.

I get what happened.

The way that I was talking
about the showcase...

there's no way that I would have
been cool with not being in it.

I would have lied to me, too.

I don't understand.

If you're not mad at me,

then where are you going
with all this flying stuff?

Oh, no, I-I was mad.

Then I realized that
trust is a choice.

You know, every day, we're
going to roll out of bed,

and send each other
into the world,

just trusting that we
have each other's backs.

And we will slip up,
and-and we will be scared,

but I choose to trust

and to love you
through everything.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

Uh, I love you so much.

I-I mean what I said
about the showcase.

Either we fly together,
or we don't fly at all.

I am very happy for you.

And I'm very excited
the world gets

to see you spread your wings.

Now it's your turn to fly.

Thank you.

I don't know if it's all
this bird talk, but...

I'm getting a little turned on.

Let's go inside.

Hey, hey, hey.

I'm the luckiest guy
in the world.

Yeah, pretty much.

You know, we have,
uh, plain donuts here.

I prefer the misery
of doing it this way,

earning it.

Yeah, see, that's sort of
what I mean about the show.

You know, which is
genius, by the way.

Thank you.

I just think the
character of Rachel

doesn't really sound like me.

She... sounds like you.

I know TV.

People want antiheroes.

They want chubby girls
who can't keep men

and men who kill people.

And that's great. I just...
I thought that Mr. Paulblatt

wanted to make a show
that was about me.

I know the kinds of shows
he greenlights...

they all have the one thing
you lack: irony.

When I was in the glee club
and I had to explain something,

it always helped me
to do it through song.

Oh... God, no.

I just want
to show you my essence.

I don't know
how to write a script,

but I know
how I want it to feel.

♪ Have you ever fed a lover ♪

♪ With just your hands? ♪

♪ Closed your eyes and trusted ♪

♪ Just trusted ♪

♪ Have you ever thrown ♪

♪ A fistful of glitter
in the air? ♪

♪ It's only half past the point
of no return ♪

♪ The tip of the iceberg ♪

♪ The sun before the burn ♪

♪ The thunder
before the lightning ♪

♪ And the breath
before the phrase ♪

♪ Have you ever felt this way? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la... ♪

♪ There you are ♪

♪ Sitting in the garden ♪

♪ Clutching my coffee ♪

♪ Calling me sugar ♪

♪ You called me sugar... ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Have you ever wished for ♪

♪ An endless night? ♪

♪ Lassoed the moon
and the stars ♪

♪ And pulled that rope tight? ♪

♪ Have you ever ♪

♪ Held your breath ♪

♪ And asked yourself ♪

♪ Will it ever get better
than tonight? ♪

♪ Tonight. ♪

This is so weird.

I was watching you and I was
like, "What is this feeling?"

Right? It's so unfamiliar.

What was it?

I think it was happy.

That's never happened
to me before.

I think you're right.

Maybe there is a show in making
people not hate themselves.

You mean it?

A-And, you know,
you'll make her sound like me?

Well, they'll never make it, but
I'll give your version a shot.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Okay, I'm gonna give you
a hug now.

Oh. Wow.

Now can you leave?
I need to shame-eat.

Oh. Yeah. Okay.

Okay, good. Yeah, just... Yeah.

Give me a little more sex,
a little more sex.

A little more heat. Come on.


Give it to me, give it to me.
Just tighten the abs

a little bit. There you go.
Just look over this way.

No, not all the way. I don't like that.
I don't like that. Ass?

Can you just give me more sex?
You know? Feel it.


This isn't working.

No, I hate everything.
I hate everything.

Sam, where's my sex buzz?

You didn't get laid today,
did you?

No, it's-it's... your...

your assistant is...

looking at me kind of funny.

Is one of your nipples
higher than the other?

weirding me out.

Okay. Enough, enough.
Everybody out. Out.


Do you want a beer?

I'm-I'm... I'm nine-nineteen.

I won't tell your mom.

What are you feeling?


well, if I was a soup,

I would probably be minestrone.

Keep talking.

I like your honesty.
So does the camera.



you're really hot,
so there's that.

There's definitely that.

But I...

I love my girlfriend.

The one who doesn't have sex
with you?

Um... y...

I-I'm also feeling

kind of scared.

Of me?

Well, it's just that this job
is really important to me.

It's a dream come true.

I'm just worried that if I don't
give you what you want

I-I might lose it.

What do you think I want?


I'm gonna tell you something

to leave out of your minestrone
of emotions:


There's nobody here.

We can do whatever we want.

And nobody has to know.

Hey, my sexy working man.

Look. I got us a bunch
of binge foods to celebrate.

Babe, what's wrong?

I'm so sorry.

I cheated on you.

I was at my shoot and this
photographer was all over me

and it was so intense.

It was like that scene in Fame,
and she just... kissed me.


and then what happened?

I got so upset I started crying

and then she took some photos
of me crying in my underwear

and then I just left.

Sam, you didn't cheat on me.

It's not
like you kissed her back.

Well, like,
I kind of sort of did

but it was just, like, one
of those reflex reactions

that you have
when someone kisses you.

Like, kind of, you know, like...

- See? Like that.
- Ugh.

I can't do this to you anymore.

Sam, I-I love you so much.

But I'm looking
at my life, and...

I don't think I'm gonna be ready
until I'm, like, 30.

And asking you to wait that long

is like asking a cheetah
not to run.

It's okay.
I'm okay with it. I...

Yeah, it's-it's hard, but...

I just have this feeling that
we're meant to be together.

Yeah, who's to say
that we're not?

Y-You think
I'm gonna cheat on you?

No, actually,

I think you won't.

And I think you'll
resent me for it.

And I think
that we're holding on

way too tight

and we're not believing
in our love

and we're gonna break it.

It's gonna burn me
to see you with other girls.

But I know
this is the right thing.

Just know that...

whoever I'm with
or whatever I'm doing,

I'd rather be doing it with you.


Hey. Just...

Let's make a deal.

If I...

if I do decide to change
my mind and not wait,

I'll give you a call.


♪ What good is a field
on a fine summer night ♪

♪ If you sit all alone
with the weeds? ♪

♪ Or a succulent pear
if with each juicy bite ♪

♪ You spit out your teeth
with the seeds? ♪

♪ Before it's too late ♪

♪ Stop trying to wait ♪

♪ For fortune and fate
you're secure of ♪

♪ For there's one thing
to be sure of, mate ♪

♪ There's nothing
to be sure of ♪

♪ Oh, it's time
to start livin' ♪

♪ Time to take a little
from this world we're given ♪

♪ Time to take time ♪

♪ 'Cause spring will turn
to fall ♪

♪ In just no time at all ♪

♪ Sages tweet
that age is sweet ♪

♪ Good deeds and good work
earn you laurels ♪

♪ But what can make you feel
more obsolete ♪

♪ Than being noted
for your morals? ♪

♪ Give me a man
who is handsome and strong ♪

♪ Someone who's
stalwart and steady ♪

♪ Give me a night that's
romantic and long ♪

♪ Then give me a month
to get ready ♪

♪ Now I could waylay
some aging roué ♪

♪ And persuade him
to play in some cranny ♪

♪ But it's hard to believe
I'm being led astray ♪

♪ By a man
who calls me granny... ♪

One, two, three, four.

♪ Oh, it's time
to start livin' ♪

♪ Time to take a little
from the world we're given ♪

♪ Time to take time ♪

♪ For spring will turn to fall ♪

♪ In just no time at all ♪

♪ Oh, it's time
to start livin' ♪

♪ Time to take a little
from the world we're given ♪

♪ Time to take time ♪

♪ For spring will turn to fall ♪

♪ And watching your flings ♪

♪ Be flung all over ♪

♪ Makes me feel young all over ♪

♪ In just... no... time ♪
♪ In just... no... time ♪

♪ At all... ♪

♪ No time at all. ♪

Encore, encore.
You were wonderful.

Oh, thank you.

That was great.
They're demanding an encore.

Then go, go. Don't drink
it now, drink it later.

Or drink it by the stage.

You're such a good friend
to come, um, rise above

everything and be here
to support him, really.

Encore, encore...

A friend wouldn't
stand any of this.

I'm here because he is
the love of my life

and nothing and no one
is gonna come between us.


Thank you.
Thank you all so very much.

Um, before we end tonight,

I would like to give a very,
very special thank you to

my benefactor, June Dolloway.

The woman that taught me
that talent is worthless

unless you can really
back it up with passion.

And so I'd like
to use that passion

to pick my last song.

Because there is nothing
I am more passionate about...

than my fiancé.

So, um, Kurt...

would you like to sing
this last duet with me?


If you all came here
to get to know me tonight,

there's no better way

than seeing me
with my one true love.

♪ Just another one
champion sound ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, Estelle,
we 'bout to get down ♪

♪ Get down ♪

♪ Who the hottest
in the world right now? ♪

♪ Just touched down
in London town ♪

♪ Bet they give me a pound ♪

♪ Tell them put the money
in my hand right now ♪

♪ Tell the promoter we need
more seats, we just sold out ♪

♪ All the floor seats ♪
♪ Take me on a trip ♪

♪ I'd like to go some day ♪

♪ Take me to New York,
I'd love to see L.A. ♪

♪ I really want to ♪

♪ Come kick it with you ♪

♪ You'll be my American boy ♪

♪ He said... hey, sister ♪

♪ It's really nice
to meet you ♪

♪ I just met
this five foot seven guy ♪

♪ Who's just my type ♪

♪ I like the way he's speaking ♪

♪ His confidence is peaking ♪

♪ Don't like his baggy jeans ♪

♪ But I'm-a like what's
underneath them ♪

♪ And no I ain't been to MIA ♪

♪ I heard that
Cali never rains ♪

♪ And New York's heart awaits ♪

♪ First let's see
the West End ♪

♪ I'll show you to my brethren ♪

♪ I'm liking this American boy ♪

♪ American boy ♪
♪ Take me
on a trip, I'd like to ♪

♪ Go some day ♪

♪ Take me to New York,
I'd love to ♪

♪ See L.A. ♪

♪ I really want to ♪

♪ Come kick it with you ♪

♪ You'll be my American boy ♪

♪ Tell 'em wha gwan blud ♪

♪ Would you be my love ♪

♪ My love? ♪
♪ Would you be mine? ♪

♪ Would you be my love, my love?

♪ Would you be mine? ♪

♪ Could you be
my love, my love? ♪

♪ Would you be
my American boy? ♪

♪ American boy ♪

♪ Take me on a trip,
I'd like to go some day ♪

♪ Take me to New York,
I'd love to see L.A. ♪

Come on.

♪ See L.A. ♪
♪ I really want to ♪

♪ Come kick it with you ♪

♪ You'll be my American Boy ♪

♪ American boy ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, di-da ♪

♪ Would you be
my American boy? ♪

♪ American boy. ♪

Oh, my God.

June, I-I'm so sorry,
I-I just had to.

No, no, no.
You two were terrific.

They loved you.

And I'm gonna take
credit for all of this.

It's been a long time since
anybody's proven me wrong.

June, thank you so much.
Thank you, really.

Thank you for all of this.

Don't ever let anyone...
even me...

make you doubt
what you're sure of.


You. Come. Stand.


You remind me of
my third marriage.

My husband was gay, too.

True love.

Okay, let's have a party.

- Yeah.
- Oh.


Thing about love is that
it's not a scarce resource.

The more you give,
the more you have to give."


- Yay.
- Yay, I love it.

Do you guys like it?

I can walk in the script.

Well, she's handing it in
to the network, so...

we should hear soon.

The other one was better.

You know, I always thought

that Fanny was the role

that I was born to play,

but then I read this.

This is it.

This is my dream role,
you guys, and thank you

so much for pushing me
to get it right.

A toast.

To two glorious years in
the greatest city on earth.

Cheers to that. Cheers.
Cheers to that.

So very much. Holy crap.


Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Sam,

I am so proud of you.

I did it. I made
my dream come true.

Look at this. Ah.
The abs, the...

the nipples are even.
Oh, my gosh, this is great.

It is the start
of a great career.

Nope. It's the finish.

I came out here to get my
junk on the side of a bus

and I did it.

Going out on top

Or on the side, really.

What are you gonna do now?

I think I'm gonna go back home.
I just want to be in a space

where, you know,
the only sounds I hear at night

are the crickets
and the rendering plant.

My mind just works better when

everything's a little slower.

Plus, everybody here is
just scattering, anyway, so...

It's the end of another era
for us Glee kids.


Yeah. It's been quite
a year, you guys.

Finn and the Glee Club...

I don't think I can really
handle losing anything else.

Who said that you
have to lose anything?

No, he's right.
It's like the end of an era.

Sam said it...
we're all gonna be

scattered all over the place
soon. I mean, you do realize

that if I get this TV show,
it'll be the first time

that we're apart in five years.

Well, I think if
we can get through that,

our friendship
can survive anything.


Kurt's right. I'm in this with
you guys for the long haul.

Okay, then,
you know what, you guys?

Let's make a deal.

Six months from now,
we all come back,

right here, to this place,

because I'm gonna need
something to look forward to.

If I've learned
anything this year,

it's that you guys are my life.

Let's hug it out. Come on.

Yes, yes, yes.
Let's do it.

Bring it in!

Oh, guys, I would kill
to break out in song right now.

♪ Eh,
eh-oh, eh-oh, eh, eh-oh, eh-oh ♪

♪ Eh, eh-oh, eh-oh ♪

♪ Eh, eh-oh, eh-oh ♪

♪ I was left ♪

♪ To my own ♪

♪ Devices ♪

♪ Many days ♪

♪ Fell away ♪

♪ With nothing ♪

♪ To show ♪

♪ And the walls
kept tumbling down ♪

♪ In the city that we love ♪

♪ Gray clouds
roll over the hills ♪

♪ Bringing darkness ♪

♪ From above ♪

♪ But if you close your eyes ♪

♪ Does it almost feel like ♪

♪ Nothing's changed at all? ♪

♪ And if you close your eyes ♪

♪ Does it almost feel like ♪

♪ You've been here before? ♪

♪ How am I gonna be an optimist
about this? ♪

♪ How am I gonna be
an optimist about this? ♪

♪ Oh, where do we begin? ♪

♪ The rubble or our sins? ♪

♪ Oh, where do we begin? ♪

♪ The rubble or our sins? ♪

♪ And the walls
kept tumbling down ♪

♪ In the city that we love... ♪

♪ Gray clouds roll
over the hills ♪

♪ Bringing darkness ♪

♪ From above... ♪

♪ But if you close your eyes ♪

♪ Does it almost feel like ♪

♪ Nothing changed at all? ♪

♪ And if you close your eyes ♪

♪ Does it almost feel like ♪

♪ You've been here before... ♪




No, yes, th-thank you
very much. Thank you.


That was the network.

They, uh...

they loved the script

and they want to make it
into a pilot.

I'm going to L.A.

What? I'm going to L.A.!

This is amazing!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Is this really happening?

Oh, my God, am I gonna be on TV?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I can't believe it!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

♪ How am I gonna be
an optimist about this? ♪

♪ How am I gonna be an optimist
about this? ♪

♪ Ay-oh, ay-oh ♪

♪ Does it almost feel like ♪

♪ Nothing's changed at all? ♪

♪ Ay-oh, ay-oh ♪

♪ Ay, ay-oh, ay-oh,
ay, ay-oh... ♪