Glee (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 6 - Glease - full transcript

Rachel and Kurt pay a visit to Lima as the Glee Club launches its production of "Grease." Meanwhile, Santana returns to lend a helping hand.

So here's what you missed on Glee...

The cast list for Grease
went up and Kitty's none

too happy.
- Ughhh!

Who the hell is Patty Simcox?

And neither is Jake
because Ryder got Danny

and Marley got Sandy.
Unique's paying Rizzo,

which totally confused
Principal Figgins.

Unique Adams is nothing more
than an attractive, buxom young

woman who has got it going on
in all the right places.

She's a brick house, Sue.

And Blaine's the Teen Angel,



and he's totally broken up
about breaking up with Kurt.

Sue's out for Finn, because
called her baby retarded.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to say that.

And now he's gonna take over
Glee Club

because Will's going
to Washington on sabbatical.

And that's what you missed
on Glee.

All right, guys, listen up.

I have an announcement to make.

Adele is dd.
No.

I have been asked to join

a blue ribbon panel

to rewrite the arts
curriculum nationwide.

- Wow! Congratulations.
- Thank you.

I'll be taking
a short sabbatical,



which means I'm leaving McKinley
at the end of the week.

What? This is crazy.

But Glee Club is your life.

Which is why
this is only temporary.

I'll be back
right after sectionals.

Wait... after sectionals?! Whoa!

I mean, it's not like we know.

Guys, guys, calm down.

Look, I knew I needed
to find a replacement,

which is why I brought in
Finn Hudson.

Mr. Shue, Finn cannot
take over Glee Club.

He doesn't know what
he's doing at all.

Sorry, Finn.

Guys, I know I can do this.

And I've got some really
great ideas for sectionals.

- We'll all be dead by then!
- Tina.

Finn doesn't know how to direct

a musical!
No, that's fine.

No, we can't win without him.

Who's going to drive the bus?

Finn Hudson, Schuester.

Figgins' office, right now.

I-I don't even understand
how you found out.

Oh, William, I have
the choir room bugged.

That plaque with the
dead fat lady on it...

her eyes are cameras. Okay, Sue,

this is none of your business,
and besides, I've already

cleared this with Figgins, so,
I don't see what the problem is.

Will, of course, you don't,
because this is just

another one of your
ill-conceived,

bizarrely sentimental schemes

that displays
absolutely no forethought

and appears
immediately ridiculous

to everyone in America
except you.

Finn Hudson barely
graduated high school

less than six months ago,

he has no bachelor's degree,
nor the certification

to teach in the state of Ohio.

Sue, Glee Club is not a class.

It an extracurricular activity.

Which is why it is perfectly legal

for Finn to volunteer
his talents temporarily.

I promise, this is
the right thing to do.

I can take this glee
club to sectionals,

and I know we can win.
I'll work just as hard

as Mr. Shue does,
and do it all for free.

Okay, let me just remind
everyone of something.

For the past year, I have
shown the glee club mercy,

and this school has enjoyed

an unprecedented era of peace,

but ifloaty the Gravy Clown

is allowed to take over Glee Club,

my denté with the art in this school

will be over.

Hey!

You're a menace
to the State of Ohio!

Alright people,

since your egregious ineptitude

is making me lose
my will to live, I decided

to bring in some of
my best upperclassmen

to help you up your game.

Let's partner up.

We're going to go
across the floor.

Let's start with some jetés.

Hey.
Hey, how are you?

Haven't seen you much the last.

How have you been? I'm good.
You know, up and down.

Now that Finn and

are officially-officially
broken up,

I feel like I can just

focus on really why
I came to New York,

which is my work.
Good.

Use the floor, ladies.
Speaking of work,

guess who go to the first
Off-Broadway play audition?

What?

I know.
I'm really excited.

Watch your shoulder.

So, do you know the director

Ivan van Hoven?
Yeah.

He's doing this, like, amazing

avant-garde production
of The Glass Menagerie.

It's going to be,
like, set in a zoo,

and so, he's looking
for just a fresh face

to play his Laura Wingfield.

Wow, great role.

But you're too hot play Laura.

So, I'm going to be spending
the week just getting off book.

Hey, some advice.

You're not ready for Ivan.

You're not tough enough yet.
You don't have enough wounds.

Look, I auditioned
for him for ***,

and he made me recite
my monologue in a slip,

standing on one foot,

pouring tomato juice
all over myself.

Skip it, Schwimmer.

Ivan will eat you alive.

I can take it.

And look, I was thinking,
maybe you should

audition, too.
For Amanda Wingfield.

You mean the faded Southern
belle who spends her haggy,

I thought that you maybe
might want

to get back in the game.

Juniors, take five.

Freshmen... I don't know...
just, honey, do something.

Brody, sidebar.

I'm looking for a new TA

I think you'd be perfect,

but it's going to mean
a lot of late nights,

lot of time at the school,

you're going to have
to help me prep lessons...

Yeah, it-it doesn't matter.
I'm... I'm I.

Good decision.
We'll start this weekend.

Uh, actually could we...
could we start on Monday?

I-I promised Rachel that
I would help her out.

Yeah. I understand.

Start next week.

Okay, hold on and suck in.

I am.

I don't understand.
This fit yesterday.

Maybe it's stress bloating.

I get it all the time.
Hey.

Tina.

I love it so much.

I promise I won't pee in it.

I'm here for my fitting.
Where is Harajuku Girl?

I thought you quit because
your part was too small.

Well, Spraed Hawk Nose,
to quote Shakespeare,

"There's no small parts,
only fat actresses."

Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I just say "fat?"

I was distracted by Marley's

unfortunate and very noticeable
weight gain.

I swear, I'm not
eating any differently.

How is this happening?

I usually don't believe

in the lamestream media's
definition of "science,"

but it just makes sense

that your metabolism
is grinding to a halt.

You're getting the body
you were destined to have.

I had to accept how I am.

I spend almost
every weekend alone

because everyone just assumes
that the popular girl's busy.

I'm doing this play because
I could use some friends.

Real ones.

So, in the spirit of Grease,
I thought it would be good way

for us to get to know each
other, if we had a sleepover.

Sleepover?

Tomorrow night, my place.
Just us girls.

Can I come?

I'm not going
if Unique's not invited.

Please?
Ladyboy can come.

Yes. But if I catch you hiding
your dinky between your legs

and prancing around like Silence
of the Lambs, you're out.

Rough day at Rydell High?

Mom, when did yo?

Big?

Well, I battled my weight
all through high school.

And when your daddy
and I had you,

and I thought
that it would fix everything

that was wrong between us,
and it didn't,

that's when I started eating
and didn't stop.

Why are you asking me this?

I didn't fit into my
Sandy costume again.

Every time I try it on,
it just gets tighter.

So, I thought maybe...

it's starting to happen to me.

You know, my...

my genetics.

I didn't raise
a victim or a quitter.

I raised a star.

You have control
over your life and your body.

And you are thin and beautiful.

But you won't stay that way

unless you fight for.

So, starting now,

we are on a strict new diet.

Together.

Uh-uh. No way. Nope.

You are not allowed in here.

Not for 19-year-old who just
got kicked out in the Army

and spent several months
backpacking

through Georgia, of all places.

I mean, it seriously
boggles the mind.

You must have done everything

a person could possibly do
in that state,

including hillbilly
hand-fishing,

and plus-sized
male prostitution.

Look, I came here
to apologize, okay?

I'm sorry for calling
your baby a... a retard.

I... I'm sorry.

That word was offensive, and
it just came out wrong, anyway.

I think it's exactly
what you meant to say.

I've seen your true
colors, Finn Hudson.

You've got hate in that
heart, Double Stuff.

Fine. I tried to apologize.

Excuse me... I got
to get to rehearsal.

Yeah? Where do you think you're rehearsing?
The auditorium.

No, no, not this week,
or next week.

You see, since you've taken
the liberty of redefining

what it means
to be a teacher at McKinley,

well, I took the liberty

of reserving the auditorium
for Cheerios! Practice,

You're going to have to find some
other place to rehearse

your idiotic musical.

I don't know.
Maybe the Moose Lodge?

Or Hell itself.

You sure you wrote
down the right address?

Yeah, oh, Finn works here.

And we're supposed
to rehearse here?

Guys, it's perfect.

Kill two birds with one stone.

I got to overhaul this jalopy,

and you guys need
to figure out how

to be convincing
grease monkeys.

I've never even changed the oil
in my car... I can't fix this.

I cannot believe
you got this part over me.

Right, right.
Look, acting is about

knowing the material, ri.

The themes.

So, what is Grease all about?

Well, it's about fixing cars

and getting, getting grease

under your fingernails,
and about

signing a blood oath with
your brothers to the very end.

Okay, but where should we...?

I mean, there's no stage
or anything.

Look out there.

Imagine an audience

anxiously awaiting
your arrival.

And look up there.

Spotlights.

And-and look
right here...

And what do you see?

An old clunker.

Yeah, it an old clunker.

Tell me what Danny Zuko sees.

It's systematic.

It's...

hydromatic.

Why it's greased lightnin'!
Greased lightnin'!

♪ We'll get
some overhead lifters ♪

♪ And some four-barrel quads,
oh, ye ♪

♪ Keep talking,
whoa, keep talking ♪

♪ Fuel injection cutoffs and
chrome plated rods, oh yeah ♪

♪ I'll get the money,
I'll kill to get the money ♪

♪ With a four-speed
on the floor ♪

♪ They'll be waiting
at the door ♪

♪ You know that ain't no crap

♪ We'll be getting lots of that
and greased lightnin' ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go ♪

♪ Go greased lightnin', you're
burning up the quarter mile ♪

♪ Greased lightnin',
go greased lightnin' ♪

♪ Go, greased lightnin'

♪ You're coasting
through the heat lap trials

♪ Greased lightnin',
go, greased lisetn' ♪

♪ You are supreme
♪ Uh, uh! ♪

♪ The chicks'll scream
♪ Uh, uh... ♪

♪ For greased lightnin'
♪ Go, go, ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ We'll get some pule

♪ Frenched taillights

♪ A 30-inch fins, oh, yeah

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ And dual muffler twins,
oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ With new pistons, plugs,
and shocks ♪

♪ I can get off my rocks

♪ You know
that I ain't bragging ♪

♪ She's a real honey wagon

♪ Greased lightnin'
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, greased lightnin', you're
burning up the quarter mile ♪

♪ Greased lightnin',
go, greased lightnin' ♪

♪ Go, greased lightnin'

♪ Ye coasting through
the heat lap trials ♪

♪ Greased lightnin',
go, greased lightnin' ♪

♪ You are supreme
♪ Uh, uh! ♪

The chicks'll scream ♪
♪ Uh, uh... ♪

♪ For greased lightnin'

♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Greased lightnin',
you're burning up ♪

♪ The quarter mile

♪ Greased lightnin' ♪

♪ Go, greased lightnin' ♪

♪ Go, greased lightnin',
you're coasting ♪

♪ Through the heat lap trials

♪ Greased lightnin' ♪

♪ Go, greased lightnin' ♪

♪ You are supreme
♪ Uh, uh! ♪

♪ The chicks'll scream
♪ Uh, uh... ♪

♪ For greased lightnin'

♪ Lightning, lightning,
lightning, lightning... ♪

♪ Lightning, lightning,
lightning, lightning! ♪

♪ Yeah
♪ Lightning! ♪

Wow. Good start.

Now, uh, let's try
it again with, like,

double the energy.

I can't believe

you have a dance audition
for The Glass Menagerie.

Well, Ivan is
a very physical director.

All of his work is very

movement-driven.
Ooh.

Come on. Now?
Ooh, release.

Ooh. Ow. Ugh.

Oh. Grease update from Tina.
Ooh.

Ooh. Apparently the girl
playing Sandy

has gained so much weight,
she can't fit into her clothes.

No. That's unfortunate.

But it doesn't really have
anything to do with us.

No. We're not.

We are not going to see it.

Not gonna see what?

What are you doing
in my studio, Schwimmer?

Practicing for yo big audition?

Yeah, this is actually
my roommate Kurt.

He's helping me with it.
It's an honor

to meet you, Ms. July, and...

Ooh, y-you've
got some abs!

That's sweet.

Can you get the bar?

So, you were saying.

Not gonna see what?

Her recently

broken-up-with
ex-boyfriend is directing

my recently broken-up-with
ex-boyfriend

in a school production
of Grease,

and we've a bunch
of friends in it,

so we were debating
whether or not we should go.

When I it?

This weekend.

Oh. You need to go.

It's a perfect opportunity
for closure.

I have closure.

Okay.
Then go have fun, Schwim.

Or go because it's Grease.

Go because it's your friends,
it's your high school.

Rachel, I'm going.
I need to see him.

I haven't seen him since.

I'm not sleeping.

I'm living off of bien
and The Notebook.

Please come with me.
I can't do it alone.

Look, even if I wanted to go,
which I don't,

we don't have the money.

Kurt's an intern and I spent
all of my money

on my last trip home, so...

Well...

I could give you my JetBlue
frequent flyer miles.

I can't use them,

ever since I was
banned from my...

Bloody Mary-fueled
panic attack

at 30,000 feet,

which resulted in
the hospitalization

of three flight attendants.

And don't go
if you don't want to.

But I just think you'll

regret missing it.

Here's my
first-place trophy

for "Most Tongues Spoken"
at Bible camp.

And this is Mr. Jo Jo.

I rode him for six years
until he broke my hymen.

Triple-layer
fudge cake, yo!

Kettle Corn and pizza!

And chocolate donuts!

Unique loves her delicious,
chocolatey Krispy Kreme...

Dig in, everybody, and then
we'll have pillow fights

and ghost stories
and prayer circles

and back rubs.

Want a donut, Marley?

Are there any healthy snacks?

You can eat Kleenex.
They taste like clouds.

Honey, we need to
have a little talk.

Hey, that's mine.

Okay.

These are called fingers.

Just stick them
in your pie hole

and bingo, you're magically
supermodel-thin forever.

I don't want to make myself
vomit... that's gross.

You know what's more gross?

Having your gelatinous,
corpulent,

six-ton stomach explode

blood and pudding and sour
cream and chili cheese fries

just because you didn't
love yourself enough

to binge and purge.

Do you do it?

I would if I was born
with the fat gene.

And let's be real, you weren't
just born with the fat gene,

you were born with the circus
fat gene... no offense.

Just think about it.

Hey.

Where's Marley?

Why, I'm right here,

wearing my signature
Newsies cap

with my mud brown hair.

I'm gonna bat my
bargain-basement eyes

and steal your boyfriends,

just like I stole the lead
in the fall musical.

♪ Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee

♪ Lousy with virginity

♪ Won't go to bed
till I'm legally wed ♪

♪ I can't, I'm Sandra Dee

♪ Watch it!
Hey, I'm Doris Day ♪

♪ I was not

♪ Brought up that way

♪ Won't come across,
even Rock Hudson lost ♪

♪ His heart to Doris Day

♪ I don't drink
♪ No... ♪

♪ Or swear ♪ No ♪

♪ I don't rat my hair ♪ Ew ♪

♪ I get ill from one cigarette

♪ Keep your filthy paws

♪ Off my silky drawers

Would you pull that crap
with Annette? ♪

♪ As for you, Troy Donahue

♪ I know what you wanna do

♪ You've got your crust,
I'm no object of lust ♪

♪ I'm just plain Sandra Dee

♪ Elvis, Elvis, let me be

♪ Keep that pelvis

♪ Far from me

♪ Just keep your cool

♪ Now you're starting to drool

♪ Eh... I'm Sandra Dee.

Are you making fun of me, Kitty.

Some people are so touchy.

You wanted to see me?

Finn Hudson,

this is Rob and Betty Adams.

I took the liberty
of calling them

to congratulate them

on their son landing

the big role of Rizzo in Grease,

and lo and behold,

it was the first
they'd heard of it.

Look, ever since Wade
was a little boy,

we knew that he was different.

Most little boys don't want

to dress as Shirley Hemphill
for Halloween.

I mean, it's just so specific.

When Wade performed as a girl

at Nationals,
we were really proud.

But Chicago is a very

liberal city... I mean,
we live in Ohio, and...

...to be perfectly honest,

we're worried about
Wade's safety.

I think you're overreacting.

Are we?
Well, I've personally seen you

physically assaulted
in the hallway.

This concerns me.

Wait, is that true?

Ooh, put some pants
on, Mo'Nique!

We're pulling Wade
out of the play,

and we're asking Wade

not to dress like a girl
during school hours.

Once he gets home, he can be

whoever he wants to be.

Wade Adams, you can return to your
sewing exam in Home Ec.

I can't believe you would do
something like this.

You mean do something like
conveniently protect the welfare

of a student, so that it just
happens to derail

the school musical?
I think that sounds exactly

like something I'd do...
classic Sue Sylvester.

If you don't have a Rizzo,
you don't have a show.

Well, who says I can't find
another Rizzo?

Hmm?
Me.

Of course I can play Rizzo.

Are you sure?

We open tomorrow and we
just gave you the script.

I was born to play this role.
I've known it by heart

since I was one, Artie, come on.

So, what are you doing
in town, Santana?

Shut up. Who cares?

Yeah, the important thing
is that

she's here, so the show
can go on.

This one fits. I just looked
at the lines for Rizzo,

and I think I can
be off-book by Friday.

I may have to hold a script
in the second act.

Sorry, Tina...
I called Santana.

She was the obvious choice
to me.

And if you played Rizzo,
then we wouldn't have a Jan.

You have got to be kidding me.

All right, well, just remember,
no matter how many times

people ask, we have to stick
to our five autograph limit.

Right. I'm more concerned about
running into you-know-who.

You'll be fine.

Oh, look, it's your locker
next to my locker.

Remember that time you got out
of that date

th Mercedes by saying that you

had a thing for me?
Oh.

Yeah, it still burns
my ass to this day.

Yes!
Honey.

Oh, my God, guys.

It's amazing you guys
came to see the musical.

Look, these kids are ready
to bring the house down.

How are you?
Tell us everything.

Oh, life is crazy busy.

You know, it's not easy
balancing UCLA classes

and recording backup vocals

or having Puckerman
always hit me up

for sugar mamas' phone numbers.

But life is good.
Good.

Oh, you guys have to
come backstage and say hi.

They're gonna freak
when they see who's here.

Tina!

I'm sorry... I've been starving
myself all week.

How could you have gained
two inches in one day?

I don't know. Maybe we can
hot glue an elastic band on.

Marley, do not worry.
We're gonna get those

two inches off you
before curtain.

Scout's honor.

Kurt?

I-I didn't

think I'd see you this weekend.

We wouldn't miss it
for the world.

Would we Kurt?

Rachel.

Finn, hey.

How are you?

Good. A little...

surprised to see you, but...

I'm gonna go put the kids
through their warm-up.

How are you?

I'm good. I'm really good.

Just... busy and...

Rachel has her first
big audition

for an
off-Broadway show next week.

Wow.

That's awesome.
Congratulations.

Thanks.

Look, this is... this is
really, really weird, Mm-hmm.

But the four of us had

a lot of history between us,

so I just want to say...

it's cool you came
to see our show.

You were right.

It was a mistake to come.

I'm not gonna get direct to you.
Oh, no.

Look, you're gonna
be fine, all right?

I'm gonna be sitting
right next to you.

And we're gonna be
holding hands and laughing

and applauding,
and we are never, ever

gonna let them see us sweat.

Okay?

♪ Your story's sad to tell

♪ A teenage ne'er-do-well

♪ Most mixed up

♪ Non-delinquent

♪ On the block

♪ Your future's so unclear now ♪

♪ What's left
of your career now ♪

♪ Can't even get a trade-in

♪ On your smile
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah... ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Boo ba-doom
♪ La-la, la ♪

♪ Ba-doom
♪ La-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Ba-doom
♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ Beauty school dropout

♪ No graduation day for you

♪ Beauty school dropout

♪ Missed your midterms
and flunked shampoo ♪

♪ Well, at least
you could have taken time ♪

♪ To wash and clean
your clothes up ♪

♪ After spending
all that dough ♪

♪ To have the doctor
fix your nose up ♪

♪ Baby, don't sweat it

♪ Don't sweat it ♪

♪ You're not cut out
to hold a job ♪

♪ Better forget it
♪ Forget it ♪

♪ Who wants their hair done
by a slob? ♪

♪ Now your bangs are curled

♪ Your lashes twirled

♪ But still the world is cruel

♪ Wipe off that angel face

♪ And go back to high school

♪ Baby, don't blow it

♪ Don't put my good advice
to shame ♪

♪ Baby, you know it

♪ Even Dear Abby'd
say the same ♪

♪ Now I've called the shot,
get off the pot ♪

♪ I've really got to fly

♪ Got to be going

♪ To that malt shop

♪ In the

♪ Sky

♪ Beauty school dropout

♪ Beauty school dropout ♪

♪ Go back to high school

♪ Beauty school dropout

♪ Beauty school dropout ♪

♪ Go back to high school.

Marley?

Marley, stop.

Why are you doing that?

Why do you think?

My mom's the town joke,

and I'm going to end up
just like her.

Well, sticking your fingers
down your throat

is only gonna
make things worse.

Spare me the lecture.

I've seen the health films.

Okay.

Then Google "Johnny Pappas."

He's my second cousin.

He was a wrestler
at Bowling Green,

and the coach was always
making him drop weight.

So Johnny did
all the crazy diets

and puked every day

when that stopped working,
he used laxatives.

Then last March, in the
middle of a match...

He died?

He crapped himself in front
of the whole school.

I would never use laxatives.

Well, I don't want
to kiss a girl

who's got puke on her breath.

Either on stage... or later.

Now, come on, we're on in five.

♪ Look at me

♪ There has to be

♪ Something more
than what they see ♪

♪ Wholesome and pure

♪ Oh, so scared and unsure

♪ A poor man's Sandra Dee

♪ Sandy, you must start anew

♪ Don't you know,
what you must do ♪

♪ Hold your head high

♪ Take a deep breath and sigh

♪ Good-bye

♪ To Sandra

♪ Dee.

Mm.

Hello.
Hi.

I'm really so glad you came back
to play Rizzo.

I feel bad for Mercedes,

but if her parents want her
to be a boy

then, I don't know,
I guess it makes sense.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

The only reason why I
agreed to do this play

was so that I could see you again.

Well, I'm not dating anybody
new, boy or girl.

Brit, we talked about this.

And it would be fine
if you were...

I'm glad that you're not.

60 seconds, Miss Lopez.

Ms. Lopez.

Are you nervous
about your big number?

Oh, God, no, come on,
it's all about the attitude.

I'm just going to do what
I did with "America"

in West Side Story last year.

Yeah, but this is,
like, a sad song, right?

So you have to think
of something

that makes you,
like, really sad.

Like how we're not together
anymore, and it's okay,

but it still hurts
a little bit.

Especially on Fridays,
'cause that was our date night.

Good luck.

♪ There are worse things
I could do ♪

♪ Than go with a boy or two

♪ Even though the neighborhood thinks
that I'm trashy, and no good ♪

♪ I suppose it could be true ♪

♪ But there are worse things
I could do ♪

♪ I could flirt
with all the guys ♪

♪ Smile at them
and bat my eyes ♪

♪ Press against them
when we dance ♪

♪ Make them think
they stand a chance ♪

♪ Then refuse
to see it through ♪

♪ That's a thing I'd never do ♪

♪ I could stay home
every night ♪

♪ Wait around for Mr. Right

♪ Take cold showers every day

♪ And throw my life away

♪ On a dream
that won't come true ♪

♪ I could hurt
someone like me ♪

♪ Out of spite or jealousy

♪ I don't steal
and I don't lie ♪

♪ But I can feel
and I can cry ♪

♪ A fact
I'll bet you never knew ♪

♪ But to cry in front of you

♪ That's the worse thing

♪ I could do.

Tina, you were
incredible as Jan.

Finn was right... no one could
play this part better than you.

You know, this last week,
I've been thinking...

maybe we shouldn't
have broken up.

Maybe it was premature.

Maybe, but... we did.

And it really tested who I am.

And I'm liking who I am.

But I miss you, too,

so... we can talk about it.

Whoa.

I mean...

Whoa.

Are you sure?

This doesn't look ridiculous?

Not the word that comes to mind.

It's just so tight.

I feel like I'm going

to shake out of the seams
in the Shake Shack.

You have nothing to worry about.
You're going to destroy this.

I'll tell you who's going
to destroy us, y'all.

Fletcher Mantini.

He's in the audience.

Who's that?

He's the theater critic

for The McKinley Muckraker.
He hates everything,

and his brutal deconstruction

of your performances is gonna be
posted on-line before

you're even forklifted
out of your costume.

See you on the ice.

Hey, you can't listen to her.

I know.
Uh, it's-it's just...

Hey, hey, hey, look at me.

Take a deep breath.

You look amazing.

You sound amazing.
This is going to be amazing.

Yeah.

♪ I got chills,
they're multiplyin' ♪

♪ And I'm losin' control

♪ 'Cause the power
you're supplyin' ♪

♪ It's electrifyin'...

♪ You better shape up
♪ Doo-doo-doo... ♪

♪ Cause I need a man
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ And my heart is set on you
♪ And my heart is set on you ♪

♪ You better shape up
♪ Doo-doo-doo... ♪

♪ To my heart I must be true
♪ Doo-doo-doo! ♪

♪ Nothin' left,
nothin' left for me to do ♪

♪ You're the one that I
want ♪ You are one I want ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey

♪ The one that I want

♪ You are the one I want ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey

♪ You are the one I want ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ The one I need ♪ One I need ♪

♪ Oh, yes, indeed
♪ Yes, indeed ♪

♪ I better shape up

♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ 'Cause you need a man

♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ I need a man

♪ Who can keep me satisfied

♪ Who can keep me satisfied ♪

♪ I better shape up
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ If I'm gonna prove
♪ Doo-doo-doo... ♪

You better prove ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ That my faith ♪

♪ Is justified ♪

♪ Are you sure?

♪ Yes, I'm sure
down deep inside ♪

♪ You're the one that I want
You are the one I want ♪

♪ The one that I want
♪ You are the one I want ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey,
the one that I want ♪

♪ You are the one I want ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ The one I need ♪One I need ♪

♪ Oh, yes, indeed
♪ Yes, indeed ♪

♪ You're the one that I want

♪ You are the one I want ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey

♪ The one that I want
♪ You are the one I want ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh,
the one I need ♪

♪ One I ed ♪
♪ Oh, yes, indeed

♪ Yes, indeed ♪

♪ You are the one that I want.

Thanks for dragging me
into this, dude.

What's wrong?

I just need a minute.

Hmm.

How's Ohio?

Cassandra?

I... I was calling for Brody.

Yeah, he's in the shower

soaping up his incredibly
chiseled physique.

You want me to leave a message?

I'm sorry, I don't,
I-I don't understand.

Uh, let's see... you blew off

your playdate with the hottest
piece of ass at NY

to go visit
your loser ex-boyfriend.

Said hot ass was
lonely, distraught,

didn't know what
to do with himself,

and was more than happy
to come help me choreograph

a new routine when I called him up,

and then one thing led
to another

and next thing you know he's
at my place and, you know...

So... you and Brody.

Why?

Why don't we consider this

one of those little
nasty life lessons?

Auditioning
for an off-Broadway play,

throwing yourself
at an upperclassman,

and telling me that I need
to get back in the game.

I need to get back in the game?

I think you were overreaching

and needed a little bit
of a reminder.

I am the game, Schwimmer and
you are what you've always been:

A privileged, self-indulgent,

dime-a...

Hey... you missed
the curtain call.

Have you been crying?

No, I'm fine.

For two years, I was the guy

you came to
with every little problem.

Are we just going to pretend
we're not even friends anymore?

I just... I shouldn't have come here.

It's just... it's too weird.

Then why'd you come?

For Kurt and...

...and for you.

You know, everything was
really, really good,

and I had a couple of notes,
but they were small.

Well, thank you for coming.

Means a lot to me.

Believe me, the whole
time I was directing it,

I was basically thinking,
what would Rachel do?

You're kind of my moose.

It's... it's "muse."

I know.

Just wanted to see you smile.

Will you tell me what
you're so upset about?

I'd rather not.

Were you crying about me?

I wasn't crying about you.

Oh.

It's about him, isn't it?

Brody?

I-I just didn't think
you'd move on that fast.

You don't know that.
I know you.

I know you have four
different kinds of crying.

You've got the fake crying
when you want something,

which always involves a tissue,

you've got the singing crying,
which this can't be,

the disappointed crying,
which involves sobbing,

and the crying over a guy,

which I know very well because
it used to be reserved for me.

Told you we shouldn't
talk about this.

Well, maybe we shouldn't talk
about anything anymore.

Is that really what you want?

Yeah.

No contact, not even in song.

When you come back
to visit, I...

I don't want to know about it.

Yeah, I think that's good.

You know, I don't really
know what's going

to happen between us but...,

I know that you used to be
the guy who would make me feel

like the most special girl
in the whole world,

and it doesn't feel
that way anymore.

Now it just feels...
sad and confusing.

And the worst part is

is that doesn't even really feel
that bad anymore.

Made you cry, and...

this doesn't.

Hey.

Mr. Schuester said
he wanted

to see you in the choir room.

Bye.

Are you ok?
I just want to go home.

I thought this was home.
Doesn't feel like it anymore.

Kurt, I need to talk to you.

You okay?

I'm not interested.

I-I never told you about
what happened.

The guy that
I hooked up with...

I need you to know everything.

What are you gonna tell me,
that it wasn't serious?

That you only made out?

That you didn't care about him?
I didn't care.

Do you think any of that
matters to me?

Relationships are about trust...

and I don't trust you anymore.

I was stupid to come back.

Rachel's right,
this isn't home anymore.

"Watching the skill, the nuance,"

"this reviewer was forced
to ask himself,"

'Is this not how it felt.

'And might the directing team of
Mr. Hudson and Mr. Abrams

be headed for careers at NASA?'

"They should be,
because last night

"they plucked stars
from the firmament

"and named them Marley Rose
and Ryder Lynn.

Has ever an audience been
so enraptured? Mayhap.

"But when the last breath of life
crosses this reviewer's lips,"

'Grease, McKinley,

"Bravo.'"

Whoo!
Whoo!

Guys, Fletcher Mantini's
just a sophomore,

but he's a notoriously
tough critic.

And that's what I call
a rave review.

Man, this week hasn't been easy,
knowing it was the last time

I was gonna see you guys
for a while.

But one thing that's
helped is knowing that

I'm leaving you in good hands.
Here's one person who loves

the Glee Club as much as I do,
it's Finn.

And I know in my heart
that he has what it takes

to get you guys a win
at sectionals.

I have so much
to thank you guys for.

But for giving me this chance
to share that joy with others.

I'm gonna see you guys
in a few months,

but hopefully, there'll he
a brand-new sectionals trophy

in that case over there.

I love you guys.

I'm really gonna miss you.

I'm serious... you can call me
anytime, day or night.

I know.
You okay?

Yeah. You okay?

Yeah.

For sectionals,

don't be afraid to open
with a ballad.

Yeah, sure we got
a lot of great dancers now,

but the judges at sectionals
always reward the best singers.

So what you gotta do...

Mr. Shue, I got this.

Yeah.

Go get 'em.

You, too.