Glee (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 5 - The Role You Were Born to Play - full transcript

As auditions for the school production of "Grease" get under way, Marley, Jake, Kitty and Ryder compete for the lead roles.

So here's what you missed on Glee...

I needed you around,
and you weren't there.

Blaine cheated on
Kurt and they broke up,

and Rachel and Finn
broke up, too, and Finn

has no idea what he wants to
do with his life. We're done.

Jake has his eye on Marley,

which Kitty's really not happy about,

and Emma's not sure she
wants to leave McKinley

to go to Washington with Will.

And that's what you missed on Glee.

Why do I always feel so
at home in a tire shop?

- That was a joke.
- What do you want, Artie?

I got a lot of work to do.

I just wanted to check in on you.

You've had a rough couple of months,

and I thought maybe
you could use a friend.

It's not that bad.

I just embarrassed
myself out of the army,

lost Rachel completely,

and now I'm back in my
hometown working in a tire shop.

Figure maybe my luck will change soon

and one of the lifts will break,

and I'll get crushed by a car.

I'm sorry, Artie.

I appreciate what you're
doing, you're a great friend.

I'm just kind of
sitting back and looking

at the next 60 years of my life.

It just sort of makes me want to puke.

But it is what it is.

Do you remember what I said

when I dedicated that
song to you last year?

That you were my friend, my hero.

I'm not gonna let you bury
yourself in self-pity, Finn.

You're better than that.

You know, I've heard that
a lot all my life, Artie.

That I'm better than I think I am.

Well, look around.

- Maybe I'm not.
- You just lost

your confidence because
you forgot your place.

You're a creative person.

You need to find an artistic outlet.

Come codirect the musical with me.

- Grease was your idea.
- I don't know

how to direct a musical, Artie.

Directing is about having an idea

and convincing everyone
around you to make it happen.

I don't think so.


Then I'm not doing it, either,

which means there is no musical.

You can't do that, man,
hold the musical hostage.

That's like terrorism.

Basically, Olivia Newton-John
is strapped to my chest,

and unless you codirect with me,

I'm gonna blow her up.

I'm serious, Finn.

Trust me, as your friend,
you need to do this.

Just so you can look at the first month

of the next 60 years of your life

and not want to puke.

Auditions are tomorrow.

As president and vice president,
we can pretty much decree

which ever parts we want, right?

I'm not sure I'm gonna
do the musical this year.

I'm not in the right headspace
to do a project like Grease.

Since Kurt and I broke
up, I haven't slept,

I lost my appetite.

I don't even gel on week.

This is pretty serious, then.

Sam, Kurt was my soul mate.

We talked about spending the
rest of our lives together.

About retiring in Provincetown

and buying a lighthouse and
starting an artists' colony.

And now he won't even return my calls.

He won't text me.

And that gilmore girls box set

I sent him was returned to me, unopened.

He's gone.

Maybe forever.

Dude, I get it, except
for the lighthouse part.

But look, everybody's been there.

You'll get through it.

♪ Guess mine is not the first

♪ heart broken

♪ my eyes are not the first to cry ♪

♪ I'm not the first to know

♪ there's just no getting over you ♪

♪ I know I'm just a fool

♪ who's willing

♪ to sit around

♪ and wait for you

♪ but, baby, can't you see

♪ there's nothing else for me

♪ to do

♪ I'm hopelessly devoted to you ♪

♪ but now

♪ there's nowhere

♪ to hide

♪ since you pushed my love aside ♪

♪ I'm out of my head

♪ hopelessly devoted to you

♪ hopelessly devoted

♪ to you

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ hopelessly devoted to you

♪ my head is saying, "fool",

♪ forget him"

♪ my heart is saying

♪ "don't let go"

♪ hold on to the end

♪ that's what

♪ I intend to do

♪ I'm hopelessly devoted to you ♪

♪ but now there's nowhere

♪ to hide

♪ since you pushed my love aside ♪

♪ I'm out of my head

♪ hopelessly devoted

♪ to you

♪ hopelessly devoted

♪ to you

♪ ooh,

♪ hopelessly devoted

♪ to you

♪ ooh.

Say something.

Like what?

I think I speak for
both of us when I say

that though you auditioned
with a Sandy song,

you are the Danny Zuko of our dreams.

- Right?
- Yeah, yeah, totally.

- You were awesome.
- Amazing.

I can't.

I'm sorry, I just can't, Finn.

I didn't want to let you down,

but Grease is a romance,

and how can I play any of the
scenes if I have ruined mine?

The truth of Danny Zuko.

Thank you for letting me
audition, but I... I just can't.

But wait.

Is there any part you think

you could play?

I don't think so. Maybe...

Maybe Teen Angel.

It's only one scene,

but probably not.

Wow, I've never seen Blaine so...

Masterpiece theater.

Look, sorry, man. I know
you're just trying to help,

but this is a bad idea.

Finn, hold up.

What was a bad idea?

Me directing.

I'm not qualified for
any of this, Artie.

You have to trust your instincts.

But also, part of being a good director

is surrounding yourself
with the right people.

The right choreographer and
the right vocal Coach, right?

It is. Just trust me.

So I called in some favors,

and the cavalry has just arrived.

School arts programs are
going the way of the dinosaur.

Even the basics like choir
and band are disappearing.

No one is disputing that.

All I'm saying is if I go
with Will to Washington...

Our relationship will only grow.

This is not just a
once-in-a-lifetime experience

for me, but for both of us.

And I feel that Emma is dismissing it.

And I feel like Will just assumes

I'm gonna happily drop everything,

play the part of the dutiful,

1950s housewife,

even though we're not even married yet.

She's made this analogy several times.

And that my job and
my life and my dreams

are somehow secondary
to that. I'm sorry,

but am I wrong for feeling that way?

Pumpkins, Bear Bryant once said,

"feelings aren't right or wrong.

They just are."

My relationship with
Cooter, it was more sour

than Brian Urlacher's
compression shorts.

That doesn't mean true blue

sweeties like yourselves

aren't gonna have a flag on the play.

Take a timeout. Call an audible.

It's all about knowing

when to pass and when to punt.

That's very insightful, but...

Shannon's right.
Time-out, time-out.

Emma, I made a mistake when I
first talked to you about this.

So let me just rewind
and start from scratch.

Oh, don't look like that, Emma.

Emma, Emma, I love you

with every fiber of my being.

And no matter where we go or what we do,

I want us to always be together.

This time, it's Washington.

Next time, it can be
anywhere you want to go.

So, I'm asking my partner,
my equal partner...

to join me.

Would you consider it?

I'll go.

You... you sure?

We have plenty of girls
auditioning for Sandy,

but we're gonna have a
serious Danny Zuko problem

if Blaine can't do it.

What are the other options?

How about Sam?

He's got his heart set on Kenickie.

Uh, "Greased Lightning"
is my cell phone ringtone,

and I've been knocked
out by a car door before,

so I was really looking
forward to re-creating

the reality of that moment onstage.

- Joe Hart?
- Won't cut his dreads.

I look like Erykah Badu.

Wait, what about Puck's
brother? Can't he sing?

- Not interested.
- Why is it that we can't find

one dude to play the
lead in the school play?

Well, there aren't a
lot of dudes like you.

Even Mr. Shue had that problem

when he first started Glee Club.

That's why he went looking for you.

Get them up!

Get your knees up. Let's go.

Hey, Coach.

Finn. There's no prize
for running the slowest!

Come on!

Good-looking bunch
of recruits this year.

Idiots on patrol.

But I'll knock them into shape.

Heck, I coached you to
a state championship.

I'm kidding.

You're one of a kind.

I just wish you still believed that.

Thanks, Coach.

It's just kind of hard to feel
that way about myself right now.

Give it time.

You're going through the
biggest change in your life.

Guys like you always find their way.

You think you got any guys
like that out here today?

Searching for some recruits of my own.

We need a male lead for the musical.

What's his story?

Ryder Lynn, sophomore.

I think he flunked
out of his old school,

so they transferred him here.

Sweet enough kid,

but he's a loner and can't
learn to play for his life,

and if you ask me, I say
he's got a lazy streak.

Moves good, though.

You want to know the thing
about you that makes you special?

It's not the singing or the dancing

or the way you threw the ball.

It's that you could move people.

Figure that Ryder kid's got
anything like that in him?


If he had the right
guy showing him the way.

Are you kidding me? Huddle up!

Get over there!

Hey, this is the girls' bathroom.

I sit when I pee.

How psyched are you
for Grease auditions?

I want Sandy... so bad.

- I'm not auditioning.
- What?!

Why not? You know you'd get a part.

I don't want a part;
I want the part, Rizzo.

No offense, Sandra Dee,

but Rizzo's the money role of that show.

A hot bitch who thinks she's pregnant,

and turns out to have a heart of gold.

It's basically my life story.

But they won't give me the role.

Everyone sees me in
drag as a joke or stunt

when we're performing.

But it would feel as weird
for me to play Danny Zuko

as it would for you.

Artie and those guys know that.

Just tell them you want
to audition for Rizzo,

and I'm sure they'll give you a chance.

You know, the casual eavesdropper,

hearing the feminine
lilt of your voices,

would just assume you're
a couple of regular gals

yappin' away in the crapper.

But then the unmistakable
scent of talcum powder

and day-old panty hose
tells a different story.

Well, well, well, if it
isn't McKinley High's very own

Tina stomach-Turner, and
her trusty sidekick...

I'm trying to think of
a mean nickname for you

and I'm blanking.

But you, Urethra Franklin,

you are a boy and you
are fooling no one.

You are smuggling more
kielbasa under those gowns

than a homesick Polish lady
trying to sneak through customs.

You can't say things like that.

Oh, I think you'll find
I can say anything I want,

absolutely stunning,
kind-faced, blue-eyed girl.

Now, I know full well
that gender confusion

is the liberal media's new darling,

bored with drowning
the nation's airwaves

with tinny sitcoms so gay
that you have to stretch

a dental dam over your television set

in order to watch them safely.

The Hollywood communists
are busy force-feeding us

drag queen reality shows

and soft profiles of gender-confused


who faint at the sight

of their own genitals.

There's no way in hell
you're gonna play Rizzo.

I will not allow you

to unleash a teenage maelstrom

of gender-bent sexual
confusion at this school,

so you can turn it around
and make it a launch party

for your very own line of male girdles

and brand-new fragrance
call "nut whiff."

We don't care what you say.

We're both auditioning for that musical.

♪ White knuckles

♪ and sweaty palms from

♪ hanging on too tight

♪ clench of jaw

♪ I've got another

♪ headache again tonight

♪ eyes on fire, eyes on fire

♪ and the burn from all the tears ♪

♪ I've been crying,
I've been crying ♪

♪ I've been dying over you

♪ tie a knot in the rope

♪ trying to hold, trying to hold ♪

♪ but there's nothing to grab

♪ so I let go

♪ I think I've finally had enough ♪

♪ I think I maybe think too much ♪

♪ I think this might be it for us ♪

♪ blow me one last kiss

♪ you think I'm just too serious ♪

♪ I think you're full of it

♪ my head is spinning,
so blow me one last kiss ♪

♪ just when it can't get worse ♪

♪ I've had a bad day

♪ you've had a bad day

♪ we've had a bad day

♪ I think that life's
too short for this ♪

♪ I'll pack my ignorance and bliss ♪

♪ I think I've had enough of this ♪

♪ blow me one last kiss

♪ da, da, da-da, da

♪ oh-oh,

♪ Blow me one last kiss

♪ I will do what I please

♪ anything that I want

♪ I will breathe, I will breathe ♪

♪ I won't worry at all

♪ you will pay for your sins ♪

♪ you'll be sorry, my dear

♪ all the lies, all the lies

♪ will be crystal clear

♪ I think I've finally had enough ♪

♪ I think I maybe think too much ♪

♪ I think this might be it for us ♪

♪ blow me one last kiss

♪ you think I'm just too serious ♪

♪ I think you're full of it

♪ my head is spinning so

♪ blow me one last kiss

♪ La-la, la-la,
da-da, da-da

♪ La-la, la-la,
da-da, da-da

♪ La-la, la-la,
da-da, da-da

♪ blow me one last kiss

♪ just when it can't get worse

♪ I've had a bad day

♪ you've had a bad day

♪ we've had a bad day

♪ I think that life's
too short for this ♪

♪ I'll pack my ignorance and bliss ♪

♪ I think I've had enough of this ♪

♪ blow me one last kiss.

Yeah! Bravo!

That had more energy

than the last three auditions combined.

Ladies, do you have any preference
for the parts you want to play?

Sandy. Definitely Sandy.

What about you, Wade?

I would like to play the role of Rizzo.

Hey, Mr. Clippenger.

Uh, you got a phone call
in the teachers' lounge.

Why didn't they call my cell?

Hey, what are you doing?

Uh, studying.

In the study hall? I
think you're the first.


I've got to work twice
as hard as everyone else

to do half as well.

I'm pulling a C-minus
average since I got here,

and if I don't get it up to a B,

my parents are going to
make me quit football, so...

Whatever it takes, you know?

I'm... I'm sorry... who are you again?

Uh, Finn is my name.

I graduated last year.

Played football, too. Quarterback.

- Oh. Awesome. - I also
had a C-minus average

in my sophomore year,

but I graduated with a B-plus.

Are you serious?

- How did you do that?
- Glee Club.

Learning the music and the choreography,

it just... opened up my brain somehow.

I'm not joining the Glee Club.

I mean, I hear it's fun, but...

I've got too much on my plate already.

Start slow, then. Come
try out for the musical.

Who knows? Maybe it could be
like one of those gateway drugs.

I don't sing. Prove it.

Auditions are at 4:00 in the auditorium.

See you then.

Another one?

I don't understand. All I do is study.

- I haven't even seen Dark Knight Rises yet.
- Oh, it was good.

Bane was a little hard to
understand, but so evil.

A director's job is to make choices.

You have to pick one.

I... I don't know anything
about jukeboxes, Artie.

Well, that one is a zodiac jukebox,

this is a wurlitzer bubbler...

a knockoff, I'd imagine,

because an original goes
for around 40 grand...

and that one is a seeburg...
you may recognize it

from the opening credits of happy days.

Oh! Happy days is a show from the '50s,

and so is Grease, so we
should use this one, right?

No, that's the exact
one we shouldn't use.

It's cliché.

I say we go with the zodiac.

But we're gonna have to
change the records in it.

It's filled with classic
rock from the '80s.



Auditions aren't till 4:00, but...

I just want to make sure
I'm doing everything I can

to make my grades,

and if I'm dumb, then so be it,

but I want to be sure
I didn't miss anything.

Great. So you want to audition, then.

As long as I don't have to sing.

You know, I, uh... I
used to be just like you.

I didn't think that I
could do it, either...

but then...

I just did it.

No thinking.

I... I just started singing and...

it just started coming out of me and...

it felt awesome.

Like a really good poop.

Bet you're a classic rock guy, right?

Follow my lead.

♪ Standing in the rain

♪ with his head hung low

♪ couldn't get a ticket

♪ it was a sold-out show

♪ heard the roar of the crowd

♪ he could picture the scene

♪ put his ear to the wall

♪ then, like a distant scream

♪ he heard one guitar

♪ just blew him away

♪ he saw stars in his eyes

♪ and the very next day

♪ bought a beat-up six string

♪ in a second-hand store

♪ didn't know how to play it

♪ but he knew for sure

♪ that one guitar

♪ felt good in his hands

♪ it didn't take long

♪ to understand

♪ so he started rockin'

♪ ain't never gonna stop

♪ gotta keep on rockin'

♪ someday he's gonna
make it to the top ♪

♪ and be a jukebox hero

♪ got stars in his eyes

♪ he's a jukebox hero

♪ yeah, jukebox hero

♪ oh, oh-oh

♪ with that one guitar

♪ he'll come alive

♪ come alive tonight

♪ Yeah, he's gotta keep a-rockin' ♪

♪ he just can't stop

♪ he just can't stop ♪

♪ gotta keep on rockin'

♪ that boy has got to stay on top ♪

♪ he's gonna be a jukebox hero ♪

♪ got stars in his eyes

♪ yeah, he's just a jukebox hero ♪

♪ jukebox hero

♪ jukebox hero

♪ he's got stars in his eyes

♪ stars

♪ in his eyes...

Man, that was awesome.

So what do you think?

Should I audition?

Dude, you just did.

Hi. I'm Ryder Lynn.

I know.

I saw you in the
football game on Saturday.

You're end zone dances are awesome.

- Ah...
- I'm Marley.

I know. I know. Uh, your mom rules.

She always sneaks me extra
meatballs on spaghetti day.

- Really?
- Uh-huh.

Wow, she must really like you.

Uh, Finn Hudson told me
that you were probably

gonna play Sandy in the school play.

I thought if we were gonna be
working together, I should say hi.

I think they want me to play Danny.

What's that cologne you're
wearing, "Jealousy by you"?

Uh, what am I jealous of?

Oh, just your girlfriend talking
to the hottest guy at McKinley

who also happens to be
a star football player

with yummy old-school
Justin Bieber hair.

She's not my girlfriend.

And who wants Justin Bieber hair?

Half-black guys who can't grow it.

Sorry, but you had that coming
since you broke up with me.

And nobody breaks up with me.

Which is why I've been
telling people I dumped you

because you have a gross third nipple.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

Hey, Ryder. Hey, Mona.

It's Marley.

Oh, right, "Marley,"
like the dead dog movie?

I heard you killed your Grease audition.

And I know you're excited about
the prospect of playing Sandy

because everyone knows
poor people don't have

many opportunities to
actually enjoy anything.

Which is why it's gonna be

such a bummer when I
take the part from you.

- You're auditioning?
- I am.

By the way, Ryder, you should
know about this one's gene pool.

She's only got a month or two
before she starts ballooning

to her natural weight of 5,000 pounds

and starts writing her
memoir, fifty shades of gravy.

Wow, you're kind of a bitch.

What'd she ever do to you?

Besides trying to steal away

my three-nippled

You cast yourself as the poor little

simply adork-able nice girl.

But I know, and you know,

and sweet baby Jesus in the manger knows

what you really are, a
scheming little kiss-ass.

I'm single, by the way.

Sign me up, too.

I thought you were too
cool for the school play.

Someone's got to keep
you from killing Marley.

And keep Marley from fornicating Ryder.

I'm not as dumb as you look, Puckerman.

I have the perfect audition song for us.


♪ Ah... ♪ Ah...

♪ Ah...

♪ Hey, baby, won't
you look my way? ♪

♪ I could be your new addiction ♪

♪ hey, baby, what you gotta say? ♪

♪ all you're giving me is fiction ♪

♪ I'm a sorry sucker, and
this happens all the time ♪

♪ I found out that everybody talks ♪

♪ everybody talks, everybody talks ♪

♪ it started with a whisper

♪ and that was when I kissed her ♪

♪ and then she made my lips hurt ♪

♪ I can hear the chitchat

♪ take me to your love shack

♪ mama's always gotta backtrack ♪

♪ when everybody talks back

♪ hey, honey, you could be my drug ♪

♪ you could be my new prescription ♪

♪ too much can be an overdose

♪ all this trash
talk make me itchin' ♪

♪ oh, my, my, dear

♪ everybody talks, everybody talks ♪

♪ everybody talks too much,
it started with a whisper ♪

♪ and that was when I kissed her ♪

♪ and then she made my lips hurt ♪

♪ I can hear the chitchat

♪ take me to your love shack

♪ mama's always gotta backtrack ♪

♪ when everybody talks back

♪ everybody talks, everybody talks ♪

♪ everybody talks, everybody talks ♪

♪ everybody talks,
everybody talks back ♪

♪ it started with a whisper ♪

everybody talks, everybody talks ♪

♪ and that was when I kissed her ♪

♪ everybody talks, everybody talks ♪

♪ everybody talks,
everybody talks back... ♪


Oh! Whoo!

That was great, guys.

Okay, we need to do that thing
where we call people back.

What's that called?


I don't know. I feel like Kitty
has the inside track on Sandy.

Sandy can't be brunette.

Oh, like Maria couldn't be black?

That was a year ago,
Mercedes. Let it go.

Okay, so we call back all the Sandys
and the Dannys. What about the rest?

Brittany for cha-cha,
she's the best dancer.

You know, Tina would make a great jan.

It's too bad she won't audition

because she refuses to be
in the same room with Mike.

Okay, what about Rizzo?

Now, I know it's way outside of the box,

but I like Unique for it.

He wants it so badly.

He's the best singer, too.

So, we cast a brunette as
Sandy and a guy as Rizzo.

- Who's directing this, Julie Taymor?
- Think about how cool

it would be to do
something really different.

Though I don't agree with your choices,

I appreciate your passion.

It's nice to have the old Finn back.

Finn Hudson?

In Principal Figgins' office now.

Now, fatty!

The twin idiots seated
before you are poised

to cast the
she-male-fabulous Unique Adams

as Rizzo in Grease;

The already overly
sexualized minstrel show

featuring teen pregnancy and
the ridiculously unnecessary

lubrication of lightning.

If they succeed, they
will set a legal precedent

that will clear the way for
Unique to become a Cheerio!

In the very year that I
am set to notch my 1,000th

tournament victory and
become the winningest coach

in cheerleading history.

Wait. When did Unique say
he wanted to be a Cheerio!?

Sue, I don't understand.

Unique Adams is nothing more

than an attractive, buxom young woman

who's got it going on
in all the right places.

She's a brick house, Sue!

Uh, Principal Figgins,
Sue's right about that.

Unique is definitely a guy.

- What?
- I don't see what the big deal is.

If Unique identifies
as a girl and dresses

as a girl, she should be
allowed to play one onstage.

Cross-gendered casting is
as old as theater itself.

In Shakespeare's time, all the
female roles were played by men.

There's no way that's true.

In the last few years,

McKinley's become the kind of place

where all kinds of
outcasts can feel free

to follow their dreams. I
don't think that should change

just because Coach Sylvester's a bigot.

You know, I'd think twice
about calling someone a bigot

who's had gay Cheerios!, both
male and female on her squad,

and who resigned her post
as principal in protest

because this school wasn't doing enough

to protect a gay student
from being bullied!

But you do have a point
there, mashed potato pants.

We've become somewhat of a

progressive bubble here at
McKinley High, and I think

that's due to the fact that
the Glee Club is being run

by a strange, weepy
man-child who has lotion

in his hair, but no adult friends.

We live in Ohio.

And if you choose to
cast Rizzo with a naive,

gender-confused boy

in a dress, I guarantee you someone...

Is going to raise a very
public stink about it,

and I don't think that's fair.

Don't put this kid in danger
because you want to make

some grand gesture about
how open-minded you are.

William, I spent the last year

stifling my natural hatred
for you and helping you win

a Glee Club national championship.

Now is your moment to
pay me back by putting

a stop to this so I don't have to.

It's not my call, Sue.

Finn and Artie are running
the musical this year,

and I trust them implicitly.

Enough! With all due respect,

this is none of your business.

I'm the director. It's my decision.

William, maybe you need
to remind Chubby-Wan-Kenobi

of the daily nightmare that
is borne of being my enemy.

You can't threaten me, Sue.

I've already lost my
girlfriend, my future, my pride.

I've nothing more to lose.

I'm casting Unique, and
that's all there is to it.

And you know, I thought that
you would have known more

about being an underdog after
you helped us win nationals

and had a retarded baby, but you...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.

That... that was the wrong
word to use. I apologize.

You look more crooked
than Joe Theismann's leg.

It's just these places that the
realtor in Washington sent us.

They all have carpeting.

You know how many germs

and bugs and fluids live in carpeting?

Call Stanley Steemer.

Cleaned carpets that don't dry properly

can create Kawasaki syndrome.

You know what the worst thing
you can do in a relationship is?

Besides hitting, of course? Lie.

You don't want to go
with Will to Washington.

I saw it in your face when
you told him you would.

I have reservations, that
is much different from lying.

You know what they
say about reservations?

They won't seat you till
the whole party's there.

Dishonesty eats away at a marriage.

You have to tell him
you don't want to go.

I can't. I can't get in
the way of his dreams.

That's what Terri did.

Pumpkin, Will loves you

like a farmer loves his blue ribbon pig.

He'll understand.

I'm going. It's decided.

Then you'd better find
something to get excited about

doing down there besides him.

You know I love Will,
but I think you've spent

so much time working on
being his girl that you forgot

that the reason he's so into
you is because of all the things

you are besides that.

I've been trying to see
you since I got here,

but every time I get
near you, you disappear.

I was fine with our breakup.

Out of sight, out of mind. But maybe you

could have called and
asked if I could handle you

choreographing the school musical!

I'm sorry. Artie called me.

It seemed like a fun idea. I
didn't think you'd be upset.

Neither did I!

I know this is weird.
It's weird for me, too,

but if that's what's stopping you

from auditioning for Grease,

then we have to make this not weird.

There are still some good parts left.

I'm sorry, I can't.

We could use you. You're so talented.

I'm sorry. You're gonna have
to survive without my talent.

All right! You guys
killed your auditions,

but there can only be one Sandy
and there can only be one Danny.

The heart of Grease is
the Danny-Sandy romance.

This callback is all
about the chemistry.

We want to see how well you play
off each other. Is there heat?

We also want to see how you
sing and dance '50s-style.

That's why we gave you the
audition song ahead of time.

I don't really read music, so...

It's okay.

- Mercedes and I will get you started.
- Start away.

Everyone knows Kitty
cat's gonna finish it.

Oh, you have a lot of
attitude, little girl.

Let's see if you have the
stuff to back it up. Hit it.

♪ Before I was born,
late one night ♪

♪ my papa said,
"everything's all right" ♪

♪ the doctor paid,
my mama laid down ♪

♪ well, they started
bouncing all around ♪

♪ 'cause the bebop stork
was about to arrive ♪

♪ mama gave birth to a hand jive ♪

♪ I could barely walk
when I milked a cow ♪

♪ when I was three,
I pushed a plow ♪


♪ While chopping wood

♪ I moved my legs

♪ and they saw me dancing
when I gathered eggs ♪

♪ the townfolk clapped,
I was only five ♪

♪ he'll out-dance 'em all

♪ he was born to hand-jive

♪ oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

Break it up. Break it up.

♪ Born to hand-jive, baby

♪ born to hand-jive, baby ♪

♪ how low can you go?

♪ How low can you go? ♪

♪ how low can you go?

♪ How low can you go? ♪

♪ higher...

♪ Higher

♪ higher...

♪ And higher, yeah

♪ now can you hand-jive, baby?

♪ Oh, can you hand-jive, baby? ♪

♪ baby ♪ oh yeah

♪ can you hand-jive,
baby? ♪ give me hand-jive

♪ oh, can you hand-jive, baby?

♪ Oh yeah ♪ Oh yeah

♪ Oh yeah ♪ Oh yeah yeah

♪ Oh yeah ♪ Oh yeah

♪ born to hand-jive, oh yeah!

We did good.

Hey. I came to talk
to you about the play.

I get it.

I heard about Coach
Sylvester's meltdown.

I want to offer you the part.

but what about Coach Sue?

Well, Coach Sue isn't
directing the play.

I am.

So now all you got to worry
about is getting a curly wig

and learning the words to "There
Are Worse Things I Could Do".

And I'll take care of Coach Sue

or anybody else who
might try and stop us.

Unique knows the song and has the wig.


You okay?

I don't feel right in
the men's locker room.

But I can't go into the girls'.

And I don't feel right
in men's clothing,

but I can't wear dresses every day.

It sucks to never know your place.

It's just nice, for once,
to feel like I've found one.

Yeah, it is.

Well, uh...

before I post the cast list,

I just need to know that
you're ready for this.

'Cause there's gonna
be a lot of heat on you,

and like I said, I can shield
you from some of it, but...

At the end of the day,
you're gonna be the one

out on that stage.

All right, all right.

Patty Simcox?

Patty Simcox?

Who the hell is Patty Simcox?

I don't understand.

I pray really hard about this.

Maybe God didn't hear
you because he was busy

- helping people with cancer.
- Shut it, Avatar.

This is all your fault.
You screwed up "Hand-jive."

No, I didn't. We were both great.

It just didn't work out.

I've been hearing that
a lot lately from you.

Oh. One little thing, honey boo boo.

I know a good, hot
meal is hard to resist,

especially when you're
on the free lunch program

but remember, the stage always
adds at least ten pounds.

In your case, it's close to 90.

So, when you and your
mom, strawberry hugryake,

are dumpster diving for your costume,

keep on picking till you
find something slimming.

Like a back hefty bag.

Kitty, my baby needs to be fed.

Emma, wow.

Did I forget it's one
of our anniversaries?

What? No.

Your parents aren't here, are they?

No no no. No, no. I
just thought I would, um,

challenge myself with a
few new recipes, that's all.

Okay. How many new recipes?

Uh, two or three. Or seven. Sorry.

If you want, in just a couple
minutes, they'll be ready.

Just let them cool for a second.

Um... I just got home early

and I, uh, came across these cookbooks

my mom got me when I got married to
Carl, and I thought you'd like it.

You know what? I've never
tried these. And I feel like

- I do that sometimes, and it's really not fair.
- Emma... Emma.

- Sometimes I need to try...
- Emma.

Emma, stop.

Just... whatever it is,

just say it.

I don't want to go to
Washington with you.

Could you just sit down?

Just hear me out.

For the past three years,

all I've wanted was to be your wife.

But then when I rely
stop to think about that,

I have no idea what that means to me,

to be a wife.

You know? I, um...

I know what it meant to
my mom. It meant, you know,

having supper on the
table when my dad got home.

It meant lots of
"whatever you say, dear"s.

It was heroic doses of
clonopin and chardonnay, and...

That's not the life I want. I know.

I love you.

I love you, but I love my job.

I love my kids.

I love helping my kids.

I love that you love your job,

and I... I am so incredibly excited

for this job opportunity
for you, I really am.

But I am terrified that if I go
with you, I'm gonna resent you.

And then I'm gonna pull away.

I would rather be here,

far from you but feeling really close,

rather than close to you
but feeling really far away.

You upset?


I mean...

do I like the idea of
not waking up next to you

every day for a few months?

Of course not.

But you're right.

I've spent so much time talking about

getting married, and
no time talking about

what being a husband and
wife really means to us.

What does it mean to you?


Having a partner I know I
will always be honest with me.

Who I know I will always be honest with.

What about you?

Someone to accept me.

All of me.

Someone who I accept and adore.

Neither of us said someone
who is with me every minute,

or compromises their dreamsine.


So... then I guess we're okay.

Um... we will switch off weekends.

I'll come up or you'll come down.

And then I will come home,

and then we will finally get married.

How you doing, buddy?

Yeah. Good. But...

how am I supposed to
make a car fly onstage

in the auditorium?

You're really throwing
yourself into the musical, huh?

I guess they're wrong

when they say you can't go home again.

Well, it's not about being
back in high school again.

I'm not interested in that.

I guess it's just...

nice helping other
people's dreams come true.

It's called being a teacher.

I'm really gonna miss it.

Wait, what do you mean?

I'm leaving.

Not... not for good,

but for a few months.

I'm going to Washington

to fight to keep the
as alive in our schools.

I figure if I don't take a stand now,

there won't be auditoriums
left to fly cars in.

But, Mr. Shue, you can't just
leave the Glee Club like that,

with no one in charge. They need you.

No, they need a leader.

Someone who understands how to win,

but also understands that winning

is not more important
than doing the right thing,

or taking care of each other.

Someone who's really good at
making kids' dreams come true.

I spoke to Principal Figgins about it,

and since Glee Club
is not an actual class,

we don't need a certified
teacher to run it.

We just need an adult.

- Mr. Shue, I'm not an adult.
- First of all,

I think maybe it's time
you start calling me Will.

And second how you stood up to Sue.

How you went out and found Ryder.

You're ready.

And if you're willing,
then I can promise you that

there's no greater joy in the world

than helping a young boy
like you turn into a man.

It's three months.

So what are you doing?

Will you take over the Glee Club?