Glee (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 3 - Makeover - full transcript

The campaign showdown begins when Brittany and Blaine go head-to-head for student council president. Meanwhile, Kurt lands his dream internship.

So here's what you missed
on Glee: Kurt's in New York

where he's rooming with Rachel
and planning to interview

to date her, but she's
still confused about Finn,

and Finn's still in the army,
and nobody's heard from him.

- Glee!
- Back at McKinley,

Mr. Schue's trying to
repeat a win at nationals

by repeating assignments from last year.

- Are we doing Britney week again?
- That's great.

And Sam's new blonde
besties with Brittany,

who didn't graduate and thinks
she's still president even

though all she accomplished
last year was a dinosaur prom.

That's what you missed on Glee.

All right, Blaine Anderson,

time to change things up.

Last year, it was all

about letting the seniors shine.

But this year...

it's your turn.

♪ Welcome to your life ♪

♪ There's no turning back ♪

♪ Even while we sleep ♪

♪ We will find you ♪

♪ Acting on your best behavior ♪

♪ Turn your back on Mother Nature ♪

♪ Everybody wants
to rule the world ♪

♪ There's a room where
the light won't find you ♪

♪ Holding hands while the
walls come tumbling down ♪

♪ When they do, I'll
be right behind you ♪

♪ So glad we've almost made it ♪

♪ So sad they had to fade it ♪

♪ Everybody wants to
rule the world... ♪

Of course, part of the reason

I'm doing all these extracurriculars

is to fill my days now
that Kurt's in New York.

We talk and Skype and
text as much as possible,

but the only time we're really in sync

is when we're hate-watching
Treme together.

These songs go on forever,

and why isn't there more zydeco?

♪ I can't stand this indecision ♪

♪ Say that you'll never,
never, never, never need it ♪

♪ One headline, why believe it? ♪

♪ Everybody wants
to rule the world. ♪

What do you think you're
doing, Blaine Warbler?

I'm running for president.

I've spent the entire
weekend trying to choose

the absolute perfect outfit because

I've snagged an
interview at--

drum roll,

Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel.

Yes, it's just for an internship,

but I haven't been this nervous
since I auditioned for NYADA,

and we all know how that turned out.

I'm meeting with the new senior editor

and designer extraordinaire.
Isabelle Wright,

and her stellar reputation precedes her.

She's a style maverick.

She double-majored in fashion design

and dead romance languages.

- An iconoclast.
- Rumor has it,

She gave Steve Jobs his
first black turtleneck.

She's Vogue's rogue.

Miss Wright will see you now.



- Excuse me?
- You're from Lima.

I'm from Columbus.

And actually, I once got

food poisoning in Lima

at some Italian place,

it was Bread...

- Stix?
- Breadstix, yes.

I can't believe you ate at Breadstix.

Well, I wish I hadn't.

Isabelle Wright.

Kurt Hummel.

So, Mr. Hummel,

I have to tell you, I am very impressed

with your online resume,

especially this gallery of you

and your rather bold clothing choices.

- Where did you find all this?
- Well, I.. I made most of them,

and searched the Internet for bargains.

And, uh, that half-sweater there
at the bottom, that belonged

to my dead aunt, and I
found it in her attic.

And the embroidered calico vest

was actually inspired
by one of your designs.

Oh, yes,

my quilted micro skirt collection.

It was an epic fail.

But like you said in Vanity Fair,

"I don't trust anyone who
hasn't failed big at least once."

Have a seat.

So, I'm just gonna ask you

a couple of routine questions
I ask all potential hires.

Who are your fashion icons?

Audrey Hepburn,

Michelle Obama,

and not to kiss up or anything,

but... you.

And have you done any
writing on fashion?

Self journaling, mostly.

I did weekly updates

and, um, blogs on Project Runway

since season one,

- and...
- Wave your magic wand,

where would you be in four years?

Working here part-time,

graduating from NYADA

and, uh,

starting my first Broadway show.

I know that sounds presumptuous.


Frankly, you should be
more presumptuous, you know?

This is New York; It's for dreamers.

It's for people like you,
who are just starting out,

and people like me who...

very much want to re-invent themselves.

No, you should dream. You
should dream very, very big.

And then you should work incredibly hard

and make sure you do everything
in your power to make it happen.

Look, Anna hired me because she said

that the Web sites that I designed

for my collections were inspired.

So neither myself nor my team

can let her down,

and that includes you.

- Me?
- Well, listen,

My friend, anybody who
can pull off a hippo brooch

deserves to be here.

Thank you. Thank you so...

- Oh, you're very welcome.
- Sorry.

It's okay. It's okay.

That should come with a warning.

Oh, it did.

Artie, can I talk to you for a second?

Okay, so I'm running for senior class

president again, and
I want you to be my VP.

Being vice presidential pick

of McKinley High's
first two-term president

would look really good
on your college resume.

I have a 4.0 GPA,

and I scored a 210 on my practice SAT,

and I was the only handi-capable member

of a national championship glee club.

I'm not really worried
about getting into college.

I know how people like you are
afraid of the spotlight sometimes,

but did you know that Franklin
Roosevelt was part robot, too,

- and he's on Mount Rushmore?
- No, he isn't.

And I'm just going to say it again,

- I'm not part robot.
- I realize

That I didn't do much
as president last year,

and if you help me win again this year,

I promise to do exactly
the same thing, which means

I'll be president, and you can
make all the boring decisions.

So I could be Cheney to your Bush.

I'd rather be landing strip.

I mean, it's no secret that a woman

loves a man in power, and
don't take this personally,

but before I graduate,
I would like to have

a relationship that lasts
longer than a couple weeks.

Why would I take that personally?

- You and I dated.
- We did?

Look, you've got yourself a deal.


Okay, as you all know,
as national champions

we get to host the annual Show
Choir Rules Committee meeting.

Please tell me you're gonna ask
what 1/3 vintage meant last year?

Or like, why some teams
get to sing six songs

and other ones only do one?

Speaking of competitions,

shouldn't we start
like, preparing for ours?

I have some ideas

which I am working on very hard.


I don't really want

to give anything away right now...

I have no ideas. I'm tapped out.

I spent all last weekend
trying to think of something

for us to perform,
and all I came up with

was a scat version of "Carmina Burana."

- Yes, go ahead.
- Excuse me, I'm not sure if what

You were saying was actually
important 'cause I wasn't listening

but I'd like to make an announcement.

First, I'd like to know if
anyone can prove that Blaine

was actually born in this country.

Second, I'm wrapping up the election

by selecting Artie as my running mate.

Ah! All right.

I think by bridging

the human-slash-robot
divide, we'll ensure

that both students and vending
machines will be voting for us.

- Still not a robot.
- Brittany, that's not fair.

This isn't a popularity contest,

it's about who's got the best ideas.

It's about believing you
can make a change, right?

What is that taste

in my...?

Is that sour grape?


- Hey, butt-chin.
- Hey, Sue.

I'm making a list of potential themes

for our set list at sectionals,

and right now I can't decide

between classic TV theme songs

or a salute to autumn.

William, those are terrible.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

What happened to all my good ideas?

Oh, don't kid yourself; you
never had any good ideas.

You just didn't notice
because you were too busy

chasing your bizarre childhood dream

of a glee club national championship.

And now that that's over,
well, you're waking up

to the incessant mind-numbing tedium

that is the day-to-day
life of a schoolteacher.

Take a look around you, William,

at this sad panoply

of walking human garbage.

This is what you have
to look forward to.

In a few short years,

you'll either be an alcoholic...

morbidly obese...

or both.

That's what I like to call
the Full Charlotte Rae.

Personally, William,
I think you should take

this opportunity to bow out gracefully

and explore other job opportunities.

Now, your penchant for
bland, simplistic aphorisms

could give you a leg up

in the motivational hot-air
balloon poster business,

and of course,

your complete lack of adult friends

means you're well on
your way to a career

as a pedophile birthday clown.

But I love my job.

William, you had a dream,

and you achieved it.

Now move on.

Otherwise, you'll end up like that.

Quietly smirking because you just did

a little crop-dusting.

Oh, and now you're enjoying the
sneaky tickle of your own stink

as it ripples up your
enormous, soupy butt crack.

Hey, why didn't you ask
me to be your running mate?

I'm like the perfect candidate.

Well, I didn't want it

to ruin our friendship.

I mean, look at Sarah Palin.

She and her grandfather,
they were super close,

and then he asked her
to be his running mate,

and they lost, and now
they're not even speaking.

But I do think you'd be
a great vice president,

so I'm going to help you out.

Come here. Blaine Warbler?

I'd like to introduce you to Sam Evans.

Um, we've actually met several times.

He's your candidate for vice president.

Uh, no. I'm picking my own running mate.

My family's on food stamps, so that will

get you the sympathy vote. I'm not gay,

so that'll help with the not-gay vote,

and you know, I don't
want to brag, but...

My impressions are hilarious

100% of the time.

It's George Bush, come on.

Okay, sure.


First order of business,

Artie and I challenge
you and Sam to a debate.

You're on.

What's a debate?

I think it's time we tackled something

that we have been
avoiding for far too long,

and I think you all know


what I'm talking about.


Leather, but in unexpected ways.

Pitch me.

Okay, it's coming to me.

It's coming to me. It's Italy.

Saló, 1944.

Belts as punishment.

Belts as reward.

"You can't have a belt!
You: put a belt on!"

It's faux-fascist.

It's... pair it with a chunky boot.

Okay, belts were two years ago,

and chunky boots were five years ago.

While we're on the
topic of the verboten,

I would beg all of you to please, please

not offer up a leather platform.

Chase, you know I love
you, and I... and I love

that you're filled with so much passion,

so I'm definite... I'm going to...

I'll keep thinking about it, of course.


Um... Daphne.

Leather socks.

Suede underpants.

Cowhide brassieres.

Daphne, did you go off your meds again?


Then I want you to stay off

because that... is sick.

I mean good sick. That's the...

that's the kind of
sick I want you to be.

You know, that's exactly what
I'm talking about, everybody.

I don't want any
rules-- just toss them.

You know, let's think out of the box.

Or... maybe... I don't know.

Maybe that's... maybe that's
too far out of the box.

Okay, why don't we do this?

Let's, uh... we'll...

we're going to take a... a little break,

and then we will...

we'll revisit the
topic of leather, okay?

Kurt, can I... can I
see you in my office?

So, what did you think
of the ideas in there?


I hated them.

Look, I-I know I'm just an intern,

but I feel like "unexpected leather"

should be in the back
pages of The Village Voice.

No, I know, I agree, but Mand...

Mandy, you know, the receptionist,

every time I walk by her, she suggests

that I do an article on
trends in animal hide.

And then her cat died.
Did you know her cat died?

So, what, am I going to say no?

- So now I'm stuck with leather.
- No, you're not.

There are a million different ideas.

Uh, we could do a music
video that pays tribute

to the most cutting-edge
fashion, right?

Well, I told Chase Madison
that I would do his piece

on Spanx for cankles: "Spankles."

Oh, God. I'm an artist, not a manager.

I... I can't say no to
anybody. I can't bear it.

You know, I'm... I'm
used to knocking on doors,

not bolting them shut.

Back in the day, if I had
an idea-- a crazy idea--

I knew if it was good
based on my instinct.

And now crazy ideas
just seem crazy to me.

You know, like, uh, uh... uh,
high-heeled galoshes or, um,

underwear-- what?

And I can't... I can't land anything.

I just feel like I lucked

into a job that I
don't deserve, and I...

honestly, I-I-I...
I have no idea

what I'm doing.

My collection was a failure.

I can't fail at this.

And I just rented a
one-bedroom apartment

in Midtown so I could walk to work.

But now I'm not going
to have a job to walk to

or an apartment to walk from.

I'm going to be homeless.

Hey, hey.

You are not going to be homeless.

All right? You can always come stay

with me and my roommate in Bushwick.

Oh, God.

Brittany, I just got a copy

of Jacob Ben Israel's
latest presidential poll.

The good news is 90% of respondents said

they're planning on
attending Friday's debate.

That's cool. So what's the bad news?

90% of those respondents said
they were coming to hear you...

say something st... stu...

They think I'm going
to say something stupid.

But, see, you're not stupid.

You're really creative.

Your brain exists in this
magical other dimension

where anything is possible.

It's really amazing.

We just need to focus
on a little preparation.

If I'm going to be completely honest,

I'm a little worried that my picking you

as a running mate is going
to seem like a desperate grab

for the straight vote
if you don't really look

like a serious candidate, you know?

What do you mean, pilgrim?

- Was that John Wayne?
- Yeah. I panicked.

Okay, listen.

When's your next free period?

I need you to meet me
in the costume shop.

Brittany S. Pierce, how do you react

to the characterization of
your first term in office

as one in which you didn't
do anything at all until prom?

I would describe that
as entirely accurate.


Test scores at McKinley have gone down

six percent every year
for the past decade.

- What would you do to fix the problem?
- Stop giving tests.

They're hard, and there's
way too many of them.

What is your favorite color?


They're very hard workers,

and family is very important to them.

You know what? Let's talk wardrobe.

♪ Oh, make me over ♪

♪ I'm all I wanna be ♪

♪ A walking study ♪

♪ In demonology ♪

♪ Hey, so glad you could make it ♪

♪ Yeah, now you really made it ♪

♪ Hey, so glad you
could make it now ♪

♪ Oh look at my face ♪

♪ My name is might have been ♪

♪ My name is never was ♪

♪ My name's forgotten ♪

♪ Hey, so glad you could make it ♪

♪ Yeah, now you really made it ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ There's only us left now ♪

♪ When I wake up in my makeup ♪

♪ Have you ever felt
so used up as this? ♪

♪ It's all so sugarless ♪

♪ Hooker, waitress ♪

♪ Model, actress,
oh, just go nameless ♪

♪ Honeysuckle, she's
full of poison ♪

♪ She obliterated
everything she kissed ♪

♪ Now she's fading ♪

♪ Somewhere in Hollywood ♪

♪ I'm glad I came here
with your pound of flesh ♪

♪ You want a part of me ♪

♪ Well, I'm not selling cheap ♪

♪ No, I'm not selling cheap. ♪


First off, I'd just like to say

what an honor it is to
have been asked to lead

the annual Show Choir Committee meeting.

- Which of these snacks are gluten free?
- I guess the carrots are.

Did it state so on the package?

Because you do not want to deal with me

- if I've got gluten in my system.
- We really need

- to get started, Mr. Rumba.
- What?

- We really need to get started.
- Well, why didn't you say so?

I did--
several times.

Well, I didn't hear you.

You know I have complete loss of hearing

- in my left ear-- scarlet
fever. - Uh, Birdie,

You had mentioned you wanted to discuss

some of the redistricting bylaws.

I've been doing some
research, and it turns out...

- in Article 12...
- I'm so bored.

What is wrong with me?

This is what I've always wanted.

I won Nationals.

I'm... I'm in charge of this committee.

But it feels so meaningless.

Do all teachers feel this at some point?

When Regionals occur in a leap year...

Oh, this is pointless!

I didn't know how

to tell you guys...

- but my glee club lost its funding.
- Oh, my God.

We're done. We can't
even complete the season.

I know that everybody likes
to make fun of the deaf choir,

but my kids have a song
in their heart; they're not

going to be able to sing
it. For some of them,

it's the only thing that
brings them any happiness.

It's the only thing that brings me

any happiness besides
my extreme couponing

and muscle relaxers.

I'm so sorry.

- Is there anything we can do?
- Yeah.

You can watch your back,
because you're next.

We're all dead.

The money for the arts has dried up.

What we need is representation

on that blue-ribbon
government panel to get arts

- back in the schools.
- There was a huge debate over that in Congress.

Oh, they don't care about us.

They don't want to have anything to do

with show choir directors;
They want bigwigs

like Meryl Streep or Demi Lovato.

Maybe they'll take a show choir director

who just won Nationals and wants to make

a difference in this world.

- Go for it.
- Highly unlikely.

I'm going to have a shame Triscuit.

I don't care if I have to spend

all night on the potty.

Yeah, I swear it.

It was like a deleted
scene from The Exorcist

that was cut because it
was actually too scary.

- Oh, chilling.
- And then I tried...

I tried to be, like,
nice and, you know, smile,

but then the black swans said to me...

I didn't know Lena Dunham
was joining us today.

I'm sorry, but did I do
something to offend you?

Your outfit did.

It's at least a decade away from even

being considered for ironic-retro.

It's a tragedy What Not to Wear

doesn't do two-hour specials.

You know, part of why I was so excited

to come to New York was because

I thought it would be a chance

for me to start over, reinvent myself.

I had no idea that it was going to be

so exactly the same.

- You know why you feel exactly the same?
- Hmm?

Because you're still
dressing exactly the same.

We're not in Ohio any more, Rachel.

And even then, it's not
like we were on trend.

I hate to say this, but
life is like high school.

Styles and clothes
determine the pecking order.

Well, I don't know what
you expect me to do.

It's not like I can afford
an entire new wardrobe.

Who says you'll have to pay for it?

Put down your chopsticks and follow me.

I got an idea.

It's almost midnight.

What are you talking about?

I'm about to change your life.

And maybe mine, too.

Oh, my God, this is crazy.

- Take a picture of me.
- Come on, quick, quick, quick.

Check this out.

This is unbelievable.

Wait, I'm scared. Don't leave me.

Oh, my God.

I can't even breathe.

They call this the Couture Vault.

It supposedly can
withstand a nuclear blast.

Okay, I'll set up the camera.


- Kurt.
- Oh, uh... I thought you were going to be

At dinner with Steve
Buscemi and Yoko Ono.

Well, they canceled again.

What are you doing
here? And who is that?

I'm Rachel Berry-- I'm
Kurt's roommate. He...

We were going to do a music
video for the Web site.

- He adores you.
- Rachel was going to get a makeover,

And she was going to model some clothes.

Stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop.

You had me at "makeover."

♪ Someday ♪

♪ When I'm awfully low ♪

♪ When the world is cold ♪

♪ I will feel a glow ♪

♪ Just thinking of you ♪

♪ But you're never fully
dressed without a smile ♪

♪ Oh, it's lovely ♪

♪ With your smile so warm ♪

♪ And your cheeks so soft ♪

♪ There is nothing for me ♪

♪ But to love you ♪

♪ But you're never fully
dressed without a smile ♪

♪ Who cares what they're wearing ♪

♪ From Main Street to Saville Row? ♪

♪ It's what you wear
from ear to ear ♪

♪ And not from head to toe ♪

♪ Lover ♪

♪ Never, never change ♪

♪ Keep that breathless charm ♪

♪ Won't you please arrange it? ♪

♪ 'Cause I love you ♪

♪ Remember, you're
never fully dressed ♪

♪ Without a smile ♪

♪ Ba da-da,
ba da-da ♪

♪ Ba da-da,
ba da-da ♪

♪ Ba
da-da-da ♪

Bum-bum-bye ♪

♪ You're never fully dressed ♪

♪ Without a smile ♪

♪ Lover... ♪

♪ Never, never change ♪

♪ Keep that breathless charm ♪

♪ Won't you please arrange it ♪

♪ 'Cause I love you ♪

♪ But you're never fully dressed ♪

♪ Without a... ♪

♪ Smile ♪

♪ Smile... ♪

♪ Smile ♪

♪ Just the... ♪

♪ Way you look tonight. ♪

- And that was just the rough cut.
- No, it's genius.

And Rachel looks so gorgeous,

the whole looks so...
like, professional,

like a real fashion video that
you'd seen on TV or something.

So what's the next step?

Well, uh, ideally

the dream would be that
Isabelle would see it,

But I mean, she's already committed
to so many other concepts that...

No, Kurt, of course she's going to
choose yours. She's gonna pick yours.

And then, after we made over Rachel,

Isabelle took us to this
place called Gray's Papaya

and we had guava juice and hot dogs.

- Wow.
- It was amazing.

You're hanging out with
fashion goddess Isabelle Wright.

And I'm running for
Student Body President

with a former stripper.

Oh my gosh, I forgot
about that! How's it going?

It's going okay.

But, um, I did want
to ask you what bow tie

you thought I should wear
for tomorrow's debate.

I have narrowed it down to
five, but mainly I have...

Bow ties are your signature,

whatever you choose is
gonna look great on you.

- Hi, Blaine, we miss you!
- Oh, Rachel says hi.

Oh, hi, Rachel.

By the way, one more
question about the video.

That scene where she plays
the East Village It Girl--

did you think that was too much?

No, it's... I don't know.

Oh, good, good, good. 'Cause
I didn't either, but she was

a little skeptical.

But I said she was very
Chloe Sevigny chic, right?

- Yeah? Good.
- Yeah. Yeah.

And then, oh my God, I found
this sweater in the vault

that was to die for!



I know I don't have an
appointment, but, uh...

I really needed to speak
to my guidance counselor,

and not my fiancée.

Well, please have a seat, Mr. Schuester.

Mr. Schuester.

As you know,

all I've ever wanted
was to make a difference.

Change people's lives. Make them better.

I'd like to think that I've
done that in my time here.

- Mm-hmm. -
Winning Nationals,

Seeing most of the kids graduate.

Right, you have a lot
to be proud of here.

But now I have this once in a
lifetime opportunity in front of me.

- A chance to make a difference on a whole new level.
- Okay.

So they're... they're
assembling a blue-ribbon panel

to improve arts education
around the country.

I filled out the application,

but I haven't sent it in yet.

This looks amazing.

If I were to get this...

I would have to leave
McKinley for several months.

Paid for by the District,

but I'd be away from the kids.

Oh. Um... Okay.

I... You know we've been
telling these kids for years

to follow their dreams
no matter what, so...


I'm not going to tell
you to do the opposite.

I just don't want to do
anything to jeopardize...

this-this new life we're
about to begin together.

It's not gonna change a thing.

Okay? Weddings can wait.

You have to apply for this position.

And if you get it, we
will cross that bridge

when we come to it.


Attention, miniscule
segment of the student body.

Principal Figgins is out this week,

with what he describes
as religious fever.

And I am forced to
moderate these proceedings.

Hey, dude, uh, now
that you made me over,

- can I give you some advice?
- Yeah, sure.

- Lose the bow tie.
- What?

Yeah, trust me, it
makes you look uptight

and a little like a
young Orville Redenbacher.

Just... take it off.


You know what?

Actually, it's... you're actually right.

- Thank you.
- There are two new utterly disheartening

wrinkles to this year's
absolutely pointless contest.

First, the horrifying fact that
this year's slate of candidates

consists entirely of Glee Club members.

And secondly, the
inexplicable introduction

of a vice presidential field

for no discernable reason whatsoever.

Separation of powers!


So let's meet these
second-tiered losers.

You know them as the pimp and the gimp.

Artie Abrams and Sam Evans.

Stumbles, my first question is for you.

Who, in God's name, gives
a hot, wet, steamy dump

about student government?

I do.

And I think everyone in
this room should, too.

First of all, student government
isn't just a way for us to pad

our college résumés. It's a way for us

to take an active role
in our own education.

Study after study shows

that an active student body

is a successful student body.

Okay, moving on.

Student government
is just the beginning.

We need more after-school programs,

and better-qualified staff to support

our teachers, who are
overworked and underpaid.

- Oh, dear God.
- And that's just the beginning.

I want to talk about the
cafeteria, 'cause I believe... the beginning of
every year to see if...

...enough to support
our brain activity...

That's one of the many
goals I promise to reach

by the midway point of my first term,

as outlined in my 96-point

Pierce-Abrams Road map To
Restore McKinley's Future.

Merciful sweet Jesus, thank you.

Sam Evans, your response?

I wasn't really listening.

Whatever Artie said, I agree with that.

Our next question is from the Twitter.

@HungrySouthMouth asks Sam Evans,

"Rumor has it you were a
stripper. Aren't you ashamed?"

No, I'm not.

In fact...

- Whoo...
- ♪ Shake that ♪

Students at this school
have every right to be angry.

Last year's student
council, led by my opponent,

was the most ineffectual
in a generation.

Brittany S. Pierce, in her last term,

accomplished absolutely nothing,

except plan a dinosaur-themed prom

and ban the use

of hair gel.

Ladies and gentlemen,

telling anyone what they can or cannot

put into their hair is disgusting.

It's the first step
towards tyranny, my friends.

Next thing you know,
they'll start burning books.

And then they'll probably
start burning people, too.

That's a lie.

This tyranny all ends today, McKinley.

I want to offer you a change.

And I am that change.

Let's make history, Titans.

And vote Anderson-Evans.

Thank you.

Sweet, simple Brittany.

What say you?


I love you.

I love you so much,
McKinley High School.

Simple as that. In fact...

I think that everyone

should love this school as much as I do.

If you elect me as president,

I promise to outlaw summer vacation,

so we'll have school all year round.

That means we'll spend every day

of every summer indoors
with all our friends,

in McKinley High School's
award-winning air conditioning.

Also, I promise to end

McKinley High School's
policy of having weekends.

If you make me your president,

Saturday and Sunday will be illegal,

so that Monday will
come right after Friday,

which is the funnest day anyways.

Vote Brittany and
Artie. Thank you so much.

We just lost the election.

Kurt, can I see you for a minute?

You might want to sit down for this.

I saw your video,

and I forwarded it to Anna.

Am I fired?

That is the first time

that I've heard "great" from Anna.

I am gonna print that and frame it.

Does... does this mean

- they're gonna put the video on the Web site?
- Sort of.

We're gonna reshoot the whole thing

in Bali with Karolína Kurková,
but you're getting credit

- for the idea.
- Oh, my...

Oh, thank you, thank you so much.

- Thank you.
- And thank you so much for helping out with Rachel.

She went home that night

and threw away her reindeer sweater,

which is a huge deal for her.

Ah, she already seems so
much more confident, you know?

It's so funny how

a new image can change everything.


I sure hope you never lose that.


Oh, just your...

unbridled, wide-eyed,
Lima, Ohio optimism.

You know, I had an instinct
about you, Kurt Hummel,

and so far, it's proven to be correct.

I feel like we're real
kindred spirits, don't you?

I agree.

Can I please just say that

I think you're the
best-dressed fairy godmother

an intern like me could ever have?

Well, then, can your fairy godmother

give you a little bit of advice?

You have quite the aptitude for fashion.

And I know it's your
dream to go to NYADA,

but sometimes dreams can change,

and I really would not
be surprised if someday,

every A-lister in this town

was fighting for one of your designs.

So which "leather" pitch
are we running with?

Oh, actually, you know what?

We're gonna toss the whole
thing and start from scratch.

We're gonna meet here in two hours.

Oh, and, um... Kurt will be joining us.

I'm famished. Let's go to Indochine.



You look incredible.

They say that you haven't
settled into New York City

until you've had your first makeover.

Mine took six months.

Oh, really? Like you need a makeover?

Every girl in school wants to date you.


But four years ago,

I was a scrawny kid
from backwater Montana,

with a bad haircut and a unibrow.

And seniors took me under their wing,

introduced me to waxes and the gym,

- and they changed my life.
- Yeah.

It's pretty amazing what
a good makeover can do.

It's like you change the outside,

and then the inside just... follows.

I think it's the other way around.

I think now your outside

has caught up to how
you feel about yourself.


I like that.

I like you.

So what are you working on?

Just a new number.

I like to do something every day,

just to keep my machine well-oiled.

Oh, me too.

I love that song.

Do you, uh...

want to sing it with me?

♪ Ten years living in a paper bag ♪

♪ Feedback baby, he's
a flipped-out cat ♪

♪ He's a platinum canary
drinkin' Falstaff beer ♪

♪ Mercedes rule and a rented Lear ♪

♪ Bottom feeder, insincere ♪

♪ High-fed,
low-fat pioneer ♪

♪ Sell the house and go to school ♪

♪ Pretty young
girlfriend, daddy's jewel ♪

♪ A change ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ I think a change ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Good, good, good it'll do-do ♪

♪ Good, good, good
it'll do-do-do ♪

♪ Whoa... whoa-whoa ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ Whoa... ♪

♪ Yeah-yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I think a change ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ I think a change ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Chasing dragons
with plastic swords ♪

♪ Jack off Jimmy,
everybody wants more ♪

♪ Scully and Angel
on the kitchen floor ♪

♪ And I'm calling Buddy
on the Ouija board ♪

♪ I've been thinking
'bout catching a train ♪

♪ Leave my phone machine
by the radar range ♪

♪ Hello, it's me, I'm not at home ♪

♪ If you'd like to reach
me, leave me alone ♪

♪ I think a change ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Hello, it's me, I'm not at home ♪

♪ If you'd like to reach
me, leave me alone ♪

♪ I think a change ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ I-I think a change ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good ♪

♪ A change would do you good ♪

♪ Would do you good! ♪

That was amazing.

You're amazing.

What are you doing tomorrow tonight?

I want to cook you dinner.

Attention, students:

Your record-low election
votes have been tallied,

and we have a winner.

Becky, can I get a xylophone flourish?

No? Not feeling it?


This year's Student
Council President is...

How do you do?

How you doing?

- Congratulations, Mr. President.
- Thank you, Artie.

Losing the bow tie, that was
your game changer-- kudos.

No hard feelings.

Maybe I can find a place
for you in my administration.

No, thanks; I got what I needed.

Sugar asked me out on a date.

She invited me horseback riding.

I'm just hoping it doesn't
involve being towed.

- You talk to Kurt?
- Uh, yeah, yeah.

He was super proud of me
and he's really excited.

He's already planning
a whole inaugural ball.

Well, congratulations.


You know, I have not stepped foot inside

a Manhattan movie theater
since the bedbug scare.

And this is a fact:

They prefer to lay
their eggs in couture.

That's true. Who wouldn't?

I'm not lying.

What's the last movie you saw?

The last... Ooh, you know what?

The last movie I saw
was a double feature.

It was, um, Unmarried Woman

and The Red Balloon.

You weren't bored.

No, no, I wasn't even...

That's okay.

There's the man of the hour.

You all right?

You know, it didn't
hit me until right now:

I came to McKinley
for Kurt-- that's it.

And now he's gone, and even
with Glee Club, it just...

I feel really, really... alone.

You're kind of killing
my party buzz, bro.

I'm sorry, it's just that

I did all of this for him,
I did all of this for him.

And now he's not here.

And so it just kind of feels
like none of it matters.

Of course it matters.

You're McKinley's "First
Gay Guy President."

Nobody cares about that.

Look, before you, Kurt was
the first gay kid I met.

Don't get me wrong, he's great,

but I just don't really
get his Bravo jokes

or the fashion thing or Broadway.

You and me, it's different, you know?

I never had a gaybro
before. We'd be like

Wolverine and Cyclops, you know,

show people how we're
cool with each other.

And you know, if you ask
me, that's what matters.

Thanks, man.

You're right.

But just so we're clear...

I'm Wolverine.


I said it first.

Congratulations, Blaine Warbler.

Thank you, Brit.


Congratulations to
you, Mr. Vice President.

The people have spoken.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

I like secrets.

I voted for you.


Thank you.

I would've voted for you, too,

but I-I just really wanted to win.

I know losing sucks, but you know,

sometimes it can be a good thing.

Look at Al Gore.

He lost an election,
then he won an Oscar.

He did?

You think so?

I don't know how you do it.


You just always know exactly
the right thing to say.

It's a gift.

You win.

I can't believe I'm about to say this,

but I'm taking Sue Sylvester's advice.

I mailed in the application.

Congratulations, William.

I think it's the right decision.

Yeah. There's only one problem.

I need a written
recommendation from a colleague,

and I was thinking...

I'm one step ahead of you, butt-chin.

I took the liberty of composing a letter

to the Arts Governing Board outlining

your astonishing accomplishments.

"Not only is William a direct
descendant of Harriet Tubman,

he delivered my infant
child with his bare hands"?

Sue, Sue, this isn't even true.

Well, what can I say, William?
I want you out of here.

And for the first time, I
think I mean that in a good way.

Oh, my God...

Oh! Oh! Oh!



You're smokin'.

Oh, it's actually the duck.

No, no.

It's, it's you.

Come in.

I really wanted to cook you dinner,

but this is what you get.

- This is, this is good.
- Pizza.

Food is food. It's, it's
the effort that counts.

A girl has never
cooked me dinner before.

I don't believe you.


No one has ever even tried.

I'm trying new things.

Doing new things, it's all part of

you know, the new me.

And I like it.

I like, I like the new me.

I've never been the
cook-a-guy-dinner type.

I've always been the just

gives-in type.

Well, tell, tell me
about this old Rachel.

- Tell me a secret.
- A secret?

Something that you don't
want anyone else to know.

Okay, but you first.

- Okay.
- Think of something very good.

- Okay, so, um, when
I was a kid... - Mm-hmm.

- I was obsessed with Ace of Base.
- No.


I was-- seriously, I had
the posters on my wall.

Wait. I thought you
said you were straight.

Oh, come on.

Hot girls playing all
their own instruments...

is straighter than straight.

♪ Moon river, wider than a mile... ♪

Thank you.

You're welcome... Your turn.

My turn, okay.

Um, I have a good one.

When I was eight years old,
I got my first love letter

from a guy named Tony.

And he was very cute.

And when he gave it to me,

I corrected all of
the grammatical errors

and his spelling errors
and gave it back to him.

That's so embarrassing.

I've never told anybody that before,

not even Finn.

Well, just so you know,

no matter how lovely this is,

I'm hands-off.

Just friends.

♪ We're after ♪

♪ The same ♪

♪ Rainbow's end ♪

♪ Waitin' round the bend ♪

♪ My huckleberry friend ♪

♪ Moon river... ♪

♪ And me. ♪

It's Kurt.

He keeps forgetting his keys.