Glee (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 2 - Britney 2.0 - full transcript

Brittany, in a funk, turns to the music of Britney Spears for inspiration. Rachel struggles to adjust to life in New York City.

So here's what you missed on Glee:
Rachel's in New York,

and her new friend Brody is way
hot, but Finn's still M.I.A,

and her dance teacher Cassandra
totally hates her guts.

Thank God Kurt showed up,
so now they can be classic

New York roommates and shop
for shoes and stuff.

There's a new girl
in Glee Club named Marley,

and she could be the next big thing.

So could this kid Jake,
and it turns out he's Puck's

half brother and Puck totally
doesn't know about him.

And that's what you missed on Glee.

My name is Brittany S. Pierce,

and I finally know how Jesus feels

in his house way up at the North Pole,

because I am on top of the world.

Senior year was awesome,

and now I get to relive
every minute of it.

I'm head Cheerio!,
vice-Rachel of the glee club,

and now I'm planning

a Middle East style

sham election that will install me

as senior class president for life.

Brittany, who are you talking to?

I thought I was doing
a voice-over.


It was kind of a rough summer.

I really miss Santana, but...

for now, all I have to say is...

It's Brittany, bitch.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Over there ♪

♪ Please forgive me ♪

♪ If I'm coming on too strong ♪

♪ Hate to stare ♪

♪ But you're winning ♪

♪ And they're playing
my favorite song ♪

♪ So, come here ♪

♪ A little closer ♪

♪ Wanna whisper in your ear ♪

♪ Make it clear ♪

♪ Little question ♪

♪ Wanna know ♪

♪ Just how you feel ♪

♪ If I said my heart ♪

♪ Was beating loud ♪

♪ If we could escape
the crowd somehow ♪

♪ If I said I want your body now ♪

♪ Would you hold it
against me? ♪

♪ 'Cause you feel ♪

♪ Like paradise ♪

♪ And I need a vacation tonight ♪

♪ So if I said I want your body now ♪

♪ Would you hold it
against me? ♪

♪ If I said I want your body ♪

♪ Would you hold it
against me? ♪

♪ Give me something good ♪

♪ Don't want to wait, I want it now ♪

♪ N-N-Now, now ♪

♪ Pop it like a hood ♪

♪ And show me how you work it out ♪

♪ If I said my heart
was beating loud ♪

♪ If I said I want your body now ♪

♪ Would you hold it
against me? ♪

♪ If I said my heart
was beating loud ♪

♪ Would you hold it
against me? ♪

Well, that was just garbage.

Garbage wrapped in skin.

Brittany, my office... now!

Brittany, I'm afraid it's
time for a little tough love.

I hold in my hand the most recent

algebra test of one Becky Jackson.

Our plucky little Ewok

waddled her way
to a respectable C-plus.

Now, your performance,

very same exam,

unearthed the hitherto

undiscovered grade...


You answered every question with

"see other side," where you composed

an elaborate crayon-scape
entitled "Happyville."

"The town where math
was never invented."

Yeah, that's me, and that's Santana,

and that's Kurt and Rachel in Heaven.

And, look, that's you.

you're a terrible role model
for the Cheerios!

Last year, I was lost in a haze

of pregnancy hormones, and I allowed

your record breaking GPA to slide.

The Cheerios! grade
point average has dropped

three full points.
My girls no longer see

academic achievement as a worthy goal,

and yesterday I caught

one of them trying
to marry a squirrel.

That's 'cause I believe
in marriage equality

for all land mammals.

you're off the Cheerios!

I'm giving the top spot to Kitty.

I'm afraid you're going to have to

lose the high pony.

Tough love feels
a lot like "mean."

Britt, I'm so sorry
Sue was so mean to you.

I wish I was there
to make it all better.

Yeah, me too.

Do you think we could
scissor-Skype later?

I've got cheer practice
every night till midnight,

until homecoming.

Look, I love you, Britt,
but I'm so late.

I got to go, okay?

I'll text you if we get a break.

Have fun.

Okay, bye.

I'm not speaking to you.

I know you joined a gang.

The tango.

You have to have it
in your arsenal, people.

The first thing you
need to understand is

it's all about sex.

When you are dancing
the tango with someone,

you're seducing them.
Partner up.

We're gonna start
with abrazo, the embrace.

Not you, Schwimmer.

Keep practicing those
jazz hands back in the corner.

Wait... but I...
Ms. July...

I'm sorry, um...

if I'm ever gonna play Evita,

I'm gonna have to learn how to tango.

We're short a boy,
so a girl needs to sit out.

And you don't have enough sex appeal

to pull off a credible tango.

You're awkward and
tentative in your body,

and you move like
you're ashamed of it.

Arms up!

Ready? Five, six,
seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Sorry I'm late.

Someone stole my compass.

I can't wear my Cheerios!
uniform anymore,

so I got this outfit
in the lost and found.

Take a seat, Britt.

Am I getting kicked off
the glee club, too?

Of course not.

We're just really concerned about you.

Um... Brittany,

you know you've had
some setbacks lately,

and, um, it looks like
you might be feeling

a little bit blue.

That's okay.
I started taking

Lord Tubbington's pills
for feline depression.

Brittany, I-I think you and Emma
should meet daily for a while.

I think you've
underestimated the impact

being held back has had on you.
Well, thanks,

but I don't really have any time.

After school, I'm hopping into bed,

eating cashews and bacon,

and then watching
The Client List marathon.

And with that, I said good-bye,

and swooped out the doorway,

my voice-over continuing
down the hallway.

Okay, what was that?

You know, everything's
been taken away from her.

She doesn't have
anything to hold onto.

Clearly, she's lost her identity.

We need to bring Brittany back.

Great news, guys.

Principal Figgins has
asked us to perform

at the annual back-to-school
pep rally this week.

Now, I understand our
National Champion

street cred has dropped a little
bit since school started,

but this is our chance to
really wow them and get it back.

What are we gonna perform?
Good question.

We're a family in here,
and when one of our family

is falling down, it's up to us

to get together to pick them back up.

Oh, my God. Are we doing
Britney Week again?

You really came into your own
during the last Britney Week.

You showed us the best of Britney.

Youth, energy, confidence.

She inspires you, and you inspire us.

So everyone prepare
a Britney song for the week,

and we're gonna pick one
to do for the pep rally.

And I've asked Blaine and Artie
to give us a little taste

of what we're looking for.

This one's for you, Brittany.

♪ You don't understand ♪

♪ I'm so glad we're at the
same place at the same time ♪

♪ It's over now,
I spotted you dancin' ♪

♪ You made all the boys stare ♪

♪ Those lips and your brown eyes ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And the sexy hair ♪

♪ I should shake my thang ♪

♪ Make the world want you ♪

♪ Tell your girls you'll be back ♪

♪ I want to see what you can do ♪

♪ What would it take ♪

♪ For you to just
leave with me? ♪

♪ Not trying to sound conceited ♪

♪ Me and you were meant to be ♪

♪ You're a sexy girl ♪

♪ I'm a nice guy ♪

♪ Let's turn this dance floor ♪

♪ Into our own little nasty world ♪

♪ If I was your boyfriend ♪

♪ Sometimes a girl just needs one ♪

♪ Keep you on my arm, girl ♪

♪ To love her and to hold ♪

♪ I can be a gentleman ♪

♪ And when a girl is with one ♪

♪ If I was your boyfriend ♪

♪ Then she's in control ♪

♪ If I was your boyfriend ♪

♪ So give me a chance ♪

♪ 'Cause you're all I need, girl ♪

♪ Spend a week with your boy ♪

♪ I'll be calling you my girlfriend ♪

♪ If I was your man ♪
♪ If I was your man ♪

♪ I'd never leave you, girl ♪

♪ I just want to love
and treat you right ♪

♪ If I was your boyfriend ♪
♪ Na na na ♪

♪ Na na na ♪

♪ Yeah, if I was your boyfriend ♪

♪ Na na na, na na na ♪

♪ Na na ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Na na na, na na na ♪

♪ Girls ♪

♪ If I was your boyfriend ♪

♪ Can't live with 'em ♪

♪ Can't live without 'em. ♪

So, Britt, what'd you think?

I'm once again inspired by
the awesomeness of Britney.

Thanks, Mr. Shue.

This place is enormous!

God, for 1,800 bucks a month,

we could get a shoebox in Manhattan

or this hangar in Bushwick.

Yeah, but what's the crime rate
like in this neighborhood?

It looks a little shady.

Ah, it's better than Detroit and Damascus.

So what do you think?
Should we take it?

Are you crazy?

Living here with you
instead of those dorms?

It's heaven!

Oh, New York Domino's
is so much better

than Lima Domino's.

It's the water.

So have you heard from Finn at all?

Not since you asked me yesterday.

He's just giving you your space.

I know.
You want to feel nostalgic?

Blaine said they're doing

Britney Spears again in Glee Club.

Oh, my God. It feels like
such a long time ago

since we've been in the choir room.

We are living in the future, Rachel.

Speaking of which, my plan.

I'm gonna re-audition for
second semester in NYADA.

In the meantime,

I've applied for a job

at the only place I feel
will truly appreciate

I know it sounds crazy,

but in a way I'm almost glad
I didn't make it my first try.

You know, I've really learned a lot

about myself over
the last couple months.

I feel like I have a-a newfound
resilience and focus.

I could really use some of that right now.
My dance teacher,

she just won't let up on me.

The other day, she told me
I wasn't sexy enough.

Maybe you shouldn't wear
a bra to your next class.

And take all of the attention
away from the Ms. Cassie July?

She'd flip.

I can't stand her.

Cassie July is your dance teacher?

As in, the Cassie July,

aka Crazy July,

aka the biggest train wreck
in Broadway history?

You don't know her story?

Cassie July was the "It" girl
ten years ago.

She scored the coveted role
of temptress Lola

in a high-profile revival
of Damn Yankees.

Then, during the first preview
of the out-of-town tryout,

Stop... stop. Stop the music!

Whose cell phone is that?

I'm not going on until
this rude person leaves.

This performance is over
until you leave!

All right.

Come here, old man.

You want it?
You want your phone?


No wonder she's always just so angry.

You can't give in to her.
Not ever.

You have to keep fighting.

If she wants sexy, give her sexy.

So, here's the deal.

We're both new girls here,

and new girls need to stick together.

First order of bestie business:

Who've you got your eye on?

Jake's kind of cute.

Oh, honey, no. Bad seed.

Come on. He's an artist.

You mean pick-up artist.

Marley, everywhere you go
in this school,

you see wreckage of girls' hearts

who thought the same thing as you.

And he's only been
in this school for two weeks!

He's even been known
to troll the girls' gym class.


Let me be clear:
he's a womanizer.

♪ Superstar, where you from?
How's it going? ♪

♪ I know you got a clue
what you're doing ♪

♪ You can play brand-new to all
the other chicks out here ♪

♪ But I know what you are ♪

♪ What you are ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Look at you ♪

♪ Gettin' more
than just a re-up ♪

♪ Baby, you got all the
puppets with their strings up ♪

♪ Faking like a good one,
but I call 'em like I see 'em ♪

♪ I know what you are,
what you are, baby ♪

♪ Womanizer, woman, womanizer,
you're a womanizer ♪

♪ Oh, womanizer,
Oh, you're a womanizer, baby ♪

♪ You, you, you are,
You, you, you are ♪

♪ Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer ♪
♪ Womanizer ♪

♪ Boy, don't try to front ♪

♪ I-I know
just-just what you are-are-are ♪

♪ Boy, don't try to front ♪

♪ I-I know
just-just what you are-are-are ♪

♪ You ♪
♪ You got me going ♪

♪ You ♪
♪ You're oh so charming ♪

♪ You ♪
♪ But I can't do it ♪

♪ You ♪
♪ You Womanizer ♪

♪ Boy, don't try to front ♪

♪ I-I know just-just what you are-are-are ♪
♪ I know who you are... ♪

♪ Boy, don't try to front ♪

♪ I-I know just-just
what you are-are-are ♪

♪ You ♪
♪ You say I'm crazy ♪

♪ You ♪
♪ I got your crazy ♪

♪ You... you ♪
♪ You're nothing but a womanizer ♪

♪ Maybe if we both lived
in a different world ♪

♪ Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer ♪
♪ No ♪

♪ It would be all good and maybe
I could be your girl ♪

♪ But I can't,
'cause we don't, you! ♪

♪ Womanizer, woman-womanizer,
you're a womanizer ♪

♪ Oh, womanizer, oh, you're
a womanizer, baby ♪

♪ You, you-you are,
you, you-you are ♪

♪ Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer ♪

♪ Womanizer ♪

♪ Boy, don't try to front ♪

♪ I-I know just-just
what you are are-are ♪

♪ Boy, don't try to front ♪

♪ Don't you try ♪

♪ You got me going, you're oh so charming ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ But I can't do it ♪
♪ You! You womanizer ♪

♪ Boy, don't try to front ♪

♪ I know just what you are-are ♪

♪ I know just what you are-are ♪
♪ You are ♪

♪ You say I'm crazy ♪
♪ You ♪

♪ I got your crazy ♪
♪ You ♪

♪ You're nothing but a womanizer ♪

♪ Yeah. ♪

We should hang out sometime.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Girl... uh-uh.



96, 97...

Hey, Brody!

Hey, Rachel.


Hey, I miss seeing you in the showers.

I kind of need to ask you a favor.


So, Cassie said that I,
uh, wasn't sexy.

You're crazy sexy.

No, I'm not,

but I'd really love it
if you would dance with me.

'Cause there aren't enough,
you know, guys in my class.

Cassie doesn't allow upperclassmen

to perform in her class.
She would have a fit.

Got it.
Got it. Sorry.

Which is why it would be
so much fun to do it.

♪ One, two, three, not only you
and me, got 180 degrees ♪

♪ And I'm caught in between ♪

♪ Countin' one, two, three,
Peter, Paul and Mary ♪

♪ Getting down with 3P,
everybody loves counting ♪

♪ Everybody loves counting ♪

♪ Three is a charm,
two is not the same ♪

♪ I don't see the harm,
so are you game? ♪

♪ Let's make a team,
make 'em say my name ♪

♪ Love in the extreme ♪

♪ Now are you game? ♪

♪ Are you in? ♪

♪ Living in sin is the new thing ♪

♪ Are you in? ♪

♪ I am counting ♪

♪ One, two, three,
not only you and me ♪

♪ Got 180 degrees,
and I'm caught in between ♪

♪ Counting one, two, three,
Peter, Paul and Mary ♪

♪ Getting down with 3P ♪

♪ Everybody loves counting ♪

♪ What we do is innocent ♪

♪ Just for fun and nothing meant ♪

♪ If you don't like the company ♪

♪ Let's just do it, you and me ♪

♪ Or three ♪

♪ Or four ♪

♪ On the floor ♪

♪ On the floor, on the floor ♪

♪ On the floor ♪ On the floor ♪

♪ One, two, three
not only you and me ♪

♪ Got 180 degrees,
and I'm caught in between ♪

♪ Counting one, two, three ♪

♪ Peter, Paul and Mary ♪

♪ Getting down with 3P ♪

♪ Everybody loves counting,
one, two, three ♪

♪ Peter, Paul and Mary,
getting down with 3P ♪

♪ Everybody loves counting... ♪

Brittany, what are you doing?!

Coach Sylvester's taken away
my high pony.

If I can't have my

high pony,
I don't want any hair at all.


Brittany S. Pierce,

what do you say to reports
you've gone off the rails?

Leave me alone, JBI!

What's going on in
your head right now?

Leave me alone, JBI!

What are you thinking?

There's no comment!

Leave me alone!

I'm getting this.

Should we do something?

No, he deserves it.

About Brittany's downward spiral,

I think the whole singing-at-her
thing isn't really helping.

Probably what she misses most

about Cheerios!
is being in the spotlight.

We should give her that.

- Leave her alone!
- Leave Brittany alone!

No scootering in the hallway.

And Mr. McCarthy's physiology
class is the other direction.

I'm protesting that class
on religious grounds.

They make you dissect a pig,
and I'm kosher.

What about English
and algebra and gym?

I looked at your file.

Seems like you're
not attending them, either.

Why are you on my back?

I'm not one of your students.

I'm not in Glee Club.

And that was my mistake.

No, thanks.
I'm not looking to change.

Your brother was a train
wreck, worse than you.

But even at his worst,
he had a community.

He had friends.

I don't need friends.

I almost didn't come.
The other girls told me

I was crazy for even bothering.

You really think they're right?

I think you're a guy who got hurt.

And I think the hair and
the guitar and the jacket

are all walls for that.

You think too much.

At all my other schools,
I was picked on.

I tried so hard to be what I
thought they wanted me to be.

Just made it worse.

For the first time at this school,

I feel like I can just... be.

Glee Club is so lame.

What does Shyster have you guys

It's Britney Spears week.

Yeah, see, I prefer music
that uses actual instruments.

Well, you haven't heard
my version yet.

What song is it?


I know I do.

♪ Baby, I'm so into you ♪

♪ You got that something,
what can I do? ♪

♪ Baby, you spin me around ♪

♪ The earth is moving,
but I can't feel the ground ♪

♪ Oh, that kind of lovin' ♪

♪ Turns a man to a slave ♪

♪ Oh, that kind of lovin' ♪

♪ Sends a man right to his grave ♪

♪ You know I'm crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Crazy for you, baby ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Crazy for you, baby ♪

♪ Tell me you're so into me ♪

♪ That I'm the only one
you will see, yeah ♪

♪ Tell me I'm not in the blue ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ That I'm not wastin'
my feelings on you ♪

♪ Every time I look at you ♪

♪ My heart is jumping,
what can I do? ♪

♪ You drive me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy ♪
♪ I just can't sleep ♪

♪ Crazy, I'm in too deep ♪

♪ You know I'm crazy ♪

♪ Crazy ♪
♪ But it feels all right ♪

♪ Baby, thinking of you
keeps me up all night ♪

♪ You know I'm crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Crazy for you, baby ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Crazy for you, baby. ♪

You okay?

Yeah, just got cold up here.


Kiki, why is everybody in the
glee club staring at me?

Because those fools are jealous.

Who's Kiki?

Kiki is Siri's super smart
older cousin

who's really jealous
of how famous Siri's gotten.

She lives inside
this super cheap phone

I found at the Laundromat.

What size coffee is that?

Kiki, what size coffee am I drinking?

You're drinking a settanta;
70 ounces of espresso.

Thank you, Kiki.
You're the only one

that I can trust now that
Santana's too busy for me.

Brittany, we're worried about you.

We know how
hard it must have felt

to get kicked off the Cheerios!

We want to help you
get back on your feet

and start performing again.

You should be
the lead performer

at the pep assembly on Friday.

That's great,
but there's only one problem.

I have to lip-sync.

We don't lip-sync in Glee.

Well, my voice is
too weak to sing live.

I've been up every night this
week yelling at the shrubs

in my yard that have been
making fun of me.

This sounds like a terrible idea.

We'll record the song in advance.

I'll choreograph an
amazing routine without having

to worry about anybody
running out of breath,

and Mr. Schuester will
never know the difference.

Lots of performers do this now.

Kristen Stewart, James Earl Jones.


is it a good idea for me
to lip-sync at the pep assembly?

It's not a good idea.

It's a great idea.

Can I get you another settanta?

You're late.

And dressed like
a Walgreen's underwear model.

What are you doing here, Brody?

I asked Brody to come in and
help me with a little routine.

And you just love
helping people, don't you?

Especially the ingénues.

And the reason why I'm
dressed all Bob Fosse-chic

is because I wanted to show you that

I do have what it takes to be sexy.

Sexy enough to play
Evita, Roxie and Charity.

Show me what you've prepared.

Some of the dancers are
gonna help out, as well.


♪ I think I did it again ♪

♪ I made you believe ♪

♪ We're more than just friends ♪

♪ Oh, baby, it might
seem like a crush ♪

♪ But it doesn't mean
that I'm serious ♪

♪ 'Cause to lose all my senses ♪

♪ That is just so typically me ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪

♪ You see, my problem is this ♪

♪ I'm dreaming away ♪

♪ Wishing that heroes,
they truly exist ♪

♪ I cry, watching the days ♪

♪ Can't you see I'm a fool ♪

♪ In so many ways ♪

♪ Oops, I did it again ♪

♪ I played with your heart ♪

♪ Got lost in the game ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪

♪ Oops, you think I'm in love ♪

♪ That I'm sent from above ♪

♪ I'm not that innocent ♪

♪ Oops, I did it again to your heart ♪

♪ Got lost in this game, oh, baby ♪

♪ Oops, you think
that I'm sent from above ♪

♪ I'm not that innocent ♪

♪ Oops, I did it again ♪

♪ I played with your heart ♪

♪ Got lost in the game ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪

♪ Oops, you think I'm in love ♪

♪ That I'm sent from above ♪

♪ I'm not that innocent. ♪

So what do you think,
Ms. July?

Am I ready to learn the tango?

Look, you can memorize
a routine; so what?

Rachel was incredible.

You were incredible;
she was okay.

And that song? Garbage.

Whose idea was that?

You want truth? Fine.

Maria von Trapp, Willy Loman, Shrek.

Those are the roles
that are appropriate

for your level of sex appeal.

You're just jealous of me.

Of all of us.

Rachel, don't.
No, because we have

our entire careers ahead
of us and yours ended

before it even began.

We're the future,

and you're just some YouTube joke.

You're done.

Get out of my class.
Get out of my class!


Is that all I get, Jumbo?

Why so stingy?

They must let you eat
all those leftovers, huh?

Quit it.
That's my mom.

Whoa! You came out of that?

Were you an only child

or do you have a twin
who's still in there?

Dude, imagine the size of her dumps.


Say you're sorry, to both of them.

You know what?

Screw it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Come on, tough guy!

You're coming with me.


This is garbage.

Those guys suck and I'm the one
being dragged to see Figgins?

I'm not taking you to see Figgins.

He's taking you to see me.

Jake Puckerman,
I'd like to introduce you

to your brother, Noah.

I'll leave you two alone.

You look more like Dad than I do.

He never told me about you
when I was a kid,

but I do remember my mom and dad

arguing about a baby
and some slut waitress.

That would be my mom.

Schuester called you to
come and straighten me out.

You're wasting your
time; I'm fine.

And you are not my brother.

You think you're a badass?

Nailing a bunch of chicks,

beating up some punks
in the cafeteria?

I'm the original badass.

I had my first threesome at seven,

and once, I beat up a police horse.

So what, are you gonna kick my ass

if I don't get myself together?

I know what it feels like to be scared

that you're not important
or smart or worth anything.

We had the same dad, bro.

I know what it feels like to
spend all day trying to prove

something to someone who's never

going to give two craps about you.

I rode my motorcycle, I played my axe,

I banged every chick
in this place twice,

and you know what,
none of it made me a man.

What made me a man
was sitting here in this room,

singing songs I hated next to

the biggest collection of losers
you've ever seen.

Them and Mr. Shue
made me a man.

And if you come in here,
it'll make you one, too.

Think about it for a couple days.

I got to get back to L.A.

I got a date with the chick

who was third runner-up
on The Bachelor.

One thing.

Whether you join Glee Club
or not, you're my brother.

Quiet, please, children.


Welcome, children, to McKinley
High's annual fall assembly,

where we gather to celebrate teen pep.

Before we begin, a few announcements.

First and foremost,
I wish to address the rumor

that I like to be milked like a cow

because my breasts are filled
with delicious, wholesome milk.

That rumor is untrue.

And now, without further ado,
it's time for a performance

of music to be enjoyed by all.

Brittany, shouldn't you
be stretching or warming up

or something?

Do you need a baby wipe?

You have Cheeto hands
and Cheeto mouth.

I'm fine, thank you.

It is my honor

to introduce McKinley High's
New Directions!

It's Britney, bitch.

♪ I see you ♪

♪ And I just wanna dance with you ♪

♪ Every time they turn
the lights down ♪

♪ Just wanna go
that extra mile for you ♪

♪ You got my display of affection ♪

♪ Feels like no one else
in the room but you ♪

♪ We can get down
like there's no one around ♪

♪ We keep on rocking,
we keep on rocking ♪

♪ Oh, are you? ♪

♪ Cameras are flashing
while we're dirty dancing ♪

♪ They keep watching,
they keep watching ♪

♪ Feels like the crowd is saying ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme more, gimme more ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme more ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme more, gimme more ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme more ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme more, gimme more ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme more ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme more, gimme more ♪

They're lip-syncing!


♪ I just can't ♪

♪ Control myself ♪

♪ They want more? ♪

♪ Well, I'll give them more. ♪

In the 58-year history

of the William McKinley
High School Glee Club,

there has never been such a debacle!

We do not lip-sync ever!

We're sorry, Mr. Shue.

We were just trying
to help Brittany out...

Lip-syncing is the equivalent of

blood doping in professional sports!

Every gain we've made
in the last three years

has been wiped out.

And I'm not just talking about
our reputation here at McKinley.

If the National Show Choir Board
of Review gets wind of this,

we could be barred from competing.

What do you have to say
for yourself, Brittany?

To quote the legend herself,

"If I met me,
I would say a quick hello

and then think
I was a really nice girl."

And I resign from Glee Club,

effective immediately.

I'm working.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

All those things that I said to
you, they were completely wrong

and-and out of line.

I felt like you were
picking on me for no reason.

Stop... talking.


you lost it and you lashed out,
same as I did ten years ago.

Except, all it took for you to snap

was a little honest feedback
in-- excuse me-- dance class.

And you expect to make it on Broadway?

Where all there is
is scrutiny and judgment?

I'm really sorry...
And what if someone taped

your little outburst and then
posted it on the Internet?

You'd never get cast.

You have one chance.

You screw it up, you're done.

You're that crazy actress.

And why would anybody
want to work with you?

Because you're good.

I was great.

But it doesn't make a difference,

because I wasn't ready
for the pressure.

Believe me, it's a whole lot
more vicious out there

than it is in here.

That's why I pick on my students.

I want them to be ready.

Well, I-I know
that I'm not there yet.

Not even close.

And if I had my choice,

I wouldn't let you back in my class.

I don't believe in second chances.

I know they don't exist.

Unfortunately for me,

school policy says you get a warning.


So you're in, and on probation
and dance belt duty.

Hand-washed, all of them.

You're dismissed, Schwimmer.

Don't forget the hamper
on your way out.

Four, five, six, seven...

I got your note to come meet you here.

Thanks for drawing the map.

Yeah, I always keep it in my pocket

in case someone steals my compass.

Look, I know what you're up to.

The lip-syncing, beating up
Jacob Ben Israel.

You're intentionally
hitting rock bottom.

So I can make a glorious comeback,

just like Britney.

I mean, look at her.

She got paid $14 million
to be on X Factor.

She looks great.

She has an amazing perfume
you can smell from miles away.

No matter what happened to her,
she just came back stronger.

Right. Consider
this the last stop

on the Train Wreck Express--
an intervention.

Thank you.

I'm so ready to come back.

I'm just so sad
that everybody's so mad at me.

I just think they didn't
understand what you were up to.


But you did.

I think we just think the same.

Yeah, it's probably
because we're both blonde.

You okay?

You still seem kind of bummed.

I don't know.

Santana would have understood.

And then she would have
used mean words

against anyone who got down on me.

You miss her, huh?

I just miss, like, the little things,

like her laugh and the smell
of her armpits.

Yes, we had interesting lady sex,

but she was also my best friend.

Well, now you have a new
friend, and he's blond.

I'm talking about me.

Now you just got to figure out

a way to get back on the Cheerios!

It's all part of the comeback.

I am here to inform you
of your legal requirement

to restore my high pony
and put me back on the Cheerios!

I beg your pardon?

I studied the McKinley High
Student Council Charter,

and it says that
the senior class president

continues his term
until he or she graduates,

which... I never graduated,

so, technically, I'm still president.

I drafted an executive order demanding

that Brittany S. Pierce
be reinstated

as a member in good standing
of the McKinley High Cheerios!

Brittany, take a seat.

This is clearly the plan of an idiot.

But a plan nonetheless,

and one that required the
barest modicum of human logic

which, frankly,
I thought was beyond you.

If you want to be back
on the Cheerios!,

I want you to graduate
by the end of the year.

And that means you're
going to have to turn

those grades around.
I'm already working on that.

Mr. Schuester
eventually realized

that my lip-syncing
was a cry for help

and wanted to step up and take action.

He and Miss Pillsbury are spending

one afternoon a week tutoring me.

Barack Obama.


Glenn Close.

Oh, good effort, Britt.

Baby steps.

I got a C-minus
on my U.S. History exam,

which the teacher bumped up
two whole letter grades

because I wrote in English
stead of my secret language

I invented in middle school.

Brittany, welcome back.

Meep-zorp flurm-gloob.

What do you think?

Am I being too obvious?

He hasn't called you
because he loves you,

not because he's forgotten about you.

Your freedom is a gift
he's given you-- accept it.

I know. It's just so much
freedom all at once

that it's starting to feel
like severe loneliness.

The only cure to loneliness is cake.

There's a great Italian bakery down the street.

You don't mind going out at night?

Oh, no, it's cool.
I guess if I just,

you know, walk around
like a crazy person

yelling at things and twitching,

people will keep their distance.

Well, hello there, kind sir.

Hey. Uh, I'm Brody.

I'm Kurt.


I was just going to go get some cake.


I'll leave you two alone.


This is huge.

Too bad it took me 45 minutes
on the train to get here.

I've lived here for three years,

and I didn't even know
there was a "J" train.

Wait, you took the train

for 45 minutes just
to come and see me?

Yep. Sandwiched between
some guy who said he was Jesus

and two German tourists
who were very lost.

But I came here
to give you this orchid.

Apparently, it's good luck
in a new place.

And they're kind of sexy--
for a plant.

Thank you.

Oh, and I, uh... I wanted
to tell you something

that didn't feel
appropriate over text.


That I... I really liked
dancing with you.

And I think that you...

I think that you're really sexy.



I can't.

I think you are amazing

very, very, very sexy.

I just...

You're still in love

with your boyfriend.

Here's the thing-- I...
I will respect your boundaries,

but just know that
when we're together,

whatever we're talking about,
whatever we're doing,

I'm thinking of kissing you.

Enjoy the orchid.

Uh, you think I could sit
next to you in Glee Club?

I don't know anybody else.

So you're going to join?

I didn't realize I had that
powerful of an effect on you.

It wasn't you.

Well, it-it helped.

I just...
I don't know.

I get these feelings sometimes
to punch someone

or steal a cop car or kiss someone,

and I hear Glee Club
might help them go away.

Even though it totally sucks balls.

I promise, it's not that bad.

Just stick with me, and I'll
help you get through it.

It's nice to have
a friend looking out for me.

Well, I owe you for
what you did for my mom.

Oh, I just realized I'm
still wearing your jacket.

Looks pretty good on you.

I bet it looks better on me.

We're dating now.

Didn't Jake tell you?

No, he didn't.

Well, uh, it's not really my style

to put a label on things.

You two make a great couple.


All right.
Okay, let's give

a big New Directions!
welcome to Jake Puckerman.

Hey, dude. Uh, me and your bro
were practically best friends.

Is it weird that I know him
a lot better than you?

Welcome, bro.

God made you, and God
doesn't make mistakes.

Mr. Schuester.
Yeah, Marley.

If it's all right, I'd like
to sing one last Britney song.

Did that come out this morning?
'Cause we've

scraped the bottom
of that Britney barrel.

Not exactly.

This is one of my favorites songs.

♪ Notice me ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Why are we ♪

♪ Strangers when ♪

♪ Our love is strong? ♪

♪ Why carry on without me? ♪

♪ Every time I try to fly I fall ♪

♪ Without my wings I feel so small ♪

♪ I guess I need you, baby ♪

♪ And every time I see you
in my dreams ♪

♪ I see your face,
you're haunting me ♪

♪ I guess I need you, baby ♪

♪ I may have made it rain ♪

♪ Please forgive me ♪

♪ My weakness caused you pain ♪

♪ And this song's my sorry ♪

♪ At night I pray ♪

♪ That soon your face ♪

♪ Will fade away ♪

♪ And every time I try to fly I fall ♪

♪ Without my wings I feel so small ♪

♪ I guess I need you, baby ♪

♪ And every time I see you
in my dreams ♪

♪ I see your face,
you're haunting me ♪

♪ I guess I need you, baby. ♪