Glee (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 18 - Shooting Star - full transcript

As the members of New Directions prepare for Regionals, an unthinkable event occurs and puts matters into perspective.

I hold in my hand,
ladies and gentlemen,

our competition for regionals.

Drumroll, please.


North Central High School
in Indianapolis,

the Hoosierdaddies.

That's very clever.
And from Our Lady

of Perpetual Loneliness
in Battle Creek, Michigan,

the Nun-Touchables.

Wait, is that a convent?

Guys, I like our chances
against both these squads,

but we still got a
lot of work to do.

Mr. Shue, please stop talking.
I have an announcement.

I regret to inform you

a deadly asteroid
is headed our way.

Wait, didn't we just go
through this at Christmas?

Yeah, and is it true

you and Sam got married?
Did that happen?

Shut up, Tina.
I'm naming this comet.

Tubbington-Bopp, and it is
headed straight for Lima.

Wait, so is it an asteroid or a comet?
It's both.

Wouldn't NASA know something
about this?

We can't trust NASA.
I mean, last month

a meteor exactly
like Tubbington-Bopp

hit Russia with no warning at all.
Oh, so now it's a meteor.

That's right, Artie,
And when this meteorite hits,

I will not be spending my time

in this room preparing
for regionals.

I will be spending my last hours
making amends with somebody who

I need to get right with.

Someone who I love very much.

Lord Tubbington.

So go back to your homes
and hide your wife,

hide your kids
and hide your wife.

McKinley High, I salute you. - nowa jako?? napis?w.
Napisy zosta?y specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu.

I'm really surprised
that Jesus Christ Superstar

has chosen to end the world
this way instead of the way

he killed off the dinosaurs,

which was a global
yeast infection.

Do you think God will let me
be a girl angel in heaven?

Wait, there are girl
and boy angels?

Does that mean
you can have angel sex?

All right. Show of hands.

Who's worried about.

Brittany's meteor/asteroid/comet

Okay. Well, here's how I see it.

There are two possible outcomes.

First, the meteor misses us
and we go to regionals

and we kick butt, which will
only happen if we prepare.

Or... we only have
a few days to live

and if that's the case,

we need to say everything
we need to say

to the people we love.

I can tell you
from those couple of weeks

where I couldn't talk to Emma
that there is nothing worse

than unfinished business
with the one you love.

And meteor or no meteor

any moment you have
with those people

might be your last one.

Bruce Springsteen always says

that he plays every show
as if it's his last,

and that is the kind of urgency
we need at regionals this year.

So this week

we're either gonna sing
our last songs to each other

or get in touch with what it
feels like to do that.

Okay, everyone.

Let's make the most of it.

Dude. Dude, I saw her.

She goes here. I can't
believe the coincidence.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down.
Saw who?

Her. Katie.

Okay, listen,
I haven't told you

'cause it's a little

but I've been having
this text-lationship

with this girl I met online.

She's funny, she's smart,
she totally gets me,

but I figured she lived, like,
halfway across the country

or something and I'd have
to steal my mom's Volvo

for a spring break roadie to God
knows where just to meet her.

But just this morning...

I was taking
that English test on 1984,

getting totally frustrated
about how I'm supposed to write

an essay on the dystopian
future when the book is set,

like, 13 years
before I was even born.

And then I looked up
to clear my head

and there she was.

d There is one in a million
like you d

I couldn't believe it.

I thought I was hallucinating,
but she looked right back at me

as she walked by.
It was definitely her.

I tried to get up
and go after her, but...

I think I'm in love
with this girl.

you've got to slow down.

You haven't even met her yet.

It's like I've more
than met her, okay?

Without all the awkwardness
of looks or clothes or hairdos,

we really got to know
each other. On the real.

I've got to meet her.

I think I'm gonna skip next hour
and just go class to class,

looking in the windows
until I find her.

Okay, and then what?
You can't just walk

into the middle of some class.
You can't wait for her

in the hall and say,
"Hi, I'm in love with you."

You need some kind of a plan.

And it has to be special.

Lord Tubbington,

I know that through the years
we haven't always gotten along.

Like the time that you filed
paperwork to have me committed

or the time you told the police
that I was the one

that brutally murdered
that whole family of mice.

But I want you to know

that through it all,

I always loved you.

I don't think he believes me.

'Cause he won't say
that he loves me, too.

What's Lord Tubbington's
favorite song? I mean, maybe...

you could let him know how much he
means to you by singing it to him.

Well, I stopped singing to
Lord Tubbington out of protest

when he joined the KKKK, which
is the Ku Klux Klan for Kats.

You know, you could bring him by

and then we could
all sing to him.

That way, you know,
he'll see how much

you love him, and everybody
else in the glee club

will stop feeling like you're
choosing a cat over them.

Sam, despite your outlandishly
low test scores,

you're a genius.


How you doing?


Yeah, you. I've been
dying to talk to you.



I saw you walk by my class
this morning and I almost

ran out of a test
to come meet you.

I'm kind of freaking
out right now. That's cool.

So am I. Uh, sorry. I should
really do this properly.

I'm Ryder Lynn.

Yeah. Yeah, I know who you are.

Would you mind coming with me?

Hey, how you doing?

What is happening?


...who are they?

They're the band.

Oh, my... God.

If I know you
the way I think I do,

you're gonna love it
even more after.

d It's a little bit funny d

d This feeling inside d

d I'm not one of those d

d Who can easily hide d

d Don't have much money
but, boy d

d If I did d

d I'd buy a big house where d

d We both could live d

d If I was a sculptor d

d But then again, no d

d Or a man
who makes potions in a d

d Traveling show, oh, I d

d Know it's not much,
but it's the best d

d I can do d

d My gift is my song, and d

d This one's for you d

d And you can tell everybody d

d This is your song d

d It may be quite simple, but d

d Now that it's done d

d I hope you don't mind,
I hope you don't mind d

d That I put down in words d

d How wonderful life is d

d While you're in the world d

d I hope you don't mind,
I hope you don't mind d

d That I put down in words d

d How wonderful life is d

d While you're in the world d

d While you're in the world. d

Okay, you are such a good
singer, and your arms

are, like, so hunky.

I'm literally dying.

Uh, but... why me?

After all the time we've spent
getting to know each other

on Facebook and-and IM-ing
and texting,

I just... I wanted
the first time we met in person

to be something we remembered
for the rest of our lives.

Okay, but we haven't been doing
any of those things.

Yeah, we have.

The last few weeks, we've
told each other everything.

All our secrets, our dreams.

Come on, Katie, you don't have
to be embarrassed.

But my name's not Katie.
It's Marissa.

No. No, I, um...

Look. See? Uh...

here are all our texts,

and that's a picture
you sent me of yourself.

Well, yeah, that's my picture,
but I didn't send it to you.

I-I never wrote
any of those texts.

Oh, my God.
Someone's catfishing you.

It happened to Manti Te'o.

Someone stole a picture of me

and used it created a fake
identity to get close to you.

Who the hell would do
something like that?

I'm so sorry, Ryder.

But please... please call me.

Hey! Hey!

- Hey, which one of you was it?
- Whoa, dude. Dude.

It was you, wasn't it? What are you doing?
You need to calm down.

Stringing me along online,
pretending to be somebody else,

getting me to send you...

Because you still like me
and this is your warped way

of showing it? Well, that's
messed up, Marley. Ryder,

I swear to you, it-it...
This is not me.

Then it was you.

Dude, I wouldn't
do something like this.

You know, I get it, all right?

I get it that you didn't
like me back.

I get it that I crossed
the line,

but you didn't have
to humiliate me.

You didn't have
to make me feel so pathetic.

I thought you were still
my friends.

I swear to you
we did not do this.

Well, it had to be somebody
close to me, all right?

Somebody who knew exactly what
to say to get me to trust them.

Do you want to talk about it?

I don't want
anything from anyone.

Especially not either of you.




d Saying I love you d

d Is not the words d

d I want to hear from you d

d It's not that I want you d

d Not to say,
but if you only knew d

d How easy d

d It would be to show me
how you feel d

d More than words d

d Is all you have to do d

d To make it real d

d Then you wouldn't d

d Have to say d

d That you love me d

d 'Cause I'd already know d

d What would you do d

d If my heart was torn in two d

d More than words d

d To show you feel d

d That your love
for me is real d

d What would you say d

d If I took d

d Those words away d

d Then you couldn't
make things new d

d Just by saying d

d I love... d

d You. d

What is this?

A little din-din,

inspired by one of
our favorite movies.

The Godfather?

Lady and the Tramp.



Come sit down.

This looks great.

Right here.

I mean, what-what's
this all about?

Well, as you've heard,

that Tubbington-Bopp's
getting close to Earth.


And if it hits,
we're all gonna be deader

than a bunch of baby chickens
fighting a dachshund.

So, I figured if I had
one more week upright,

I wanted to do
something special

with my most special friend.

Well, that is very lovely.

Thank you so much.

And, hey, why worry about carbs

when we're all gonna die anyway?


So, I heard about your, uh,

glee lesson.

About last chances
and finally saying

everything you want to say.

Yeah, I think that

the kids are really
taking to it. Mmm.

This is delicious.

I boiled the pasta
in the hot tub

in the training room.

I-I changed the water first.

But there is something
about that thing

that just gives it
the perfect al dente.

All right.

So, anyway...

Oh, man.

I have punched a charging hippo

square in the face,

and not been as scared
as I am right now.

Talk to me.
What-what is going on?

You are the...
the first guy

that was ever willing
to kiss me.

The first one that...

ever made me feel like a girl.

I am proud to have been
that man in your life.


I want you to be
the man in my life.

For the first time
since we've known each other,

we're both single.

Oh, please...

say something.


If you don't,
I'm-I'm gonna die.


Emma and I are back together.

I've been meaning
to tell you about it.

I mean, we have been
for a week or so.

I-I want you be happy
for me, and I-I...

Let's just talk about this

over this incredible dinner.

I... I don't think I have
much of an appetite.

I'm sorry.


Of course I'm mad...

Esteemed members
of the Astronomy Club,

I have an announcement.

I have recently discovered that

the Tubbington-Bopp
is not an asteroid.

It is a dead ladybug

at the end of my telescope.

And I have also discovered

that my telescope
is not a telescope.

It is a Pringles can.

Hallelujah, we're saved.

Oh, thank God.

However, however, I...

feel that I have disgraced
this fine institution

and I am hereby disbanding
the Astronomy Club.

What? This club
is my community service.

Shine on, young astronomers,
and I guess good night.


It's good news, we're alive.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure. What's up?

The meteor made me realize

that there is something
I really want to say to you.

Brittany, I have always
looked up to you.

Thank you, Becky.

Let's both not ever graduate.

The-the world out there
is really scary.

Someday, they will

make me leave here,

and I don't know
what I'm going to do.

Okay, but, Becky,
I can't stay here.

I aced my SATs, which means

that if I graduate,

I can go to whatever college
I want to.

But I can't go to college.

Becky, I know it's scary.

And it would be so cool

to be a Cheerio again
with you next year.

But I have to move on.

And so do you.

And if you really
prepare yourself,

the world won't seem
like such a scary place.

Pinkie promise.

Pinkie promise that.

I love you, Brittany.

I love you, too.

Hey, Will, you wanted to see me?

We wanted you to join us

for our first annual.

"Thank God the World
Isn't Ending" glee practice.

It's where I can throw
Junior Mints at Marley

without feeling
bad about it again.

Sit down.

Mm, I don't know, Will.

Come on, we're gonna
sing some songs,

maybe bust out
a few dance moves.

I may even rap.


All right!

Let's get started.

Everyone just spread out
and hide, spread out and hide.

Find a place to hide!

Please, go over there.
No, wait...

Are we even sure
those are gunshots?


Here, hey, guys, guys, guys.

Start texting, tweeting,

let everyone know
what's going on.

But don't tell them
we're here, all right?

Shooters have smartphones, too.

It's okay.


we're all just gonna
stay here, okay?

Got nowhere to be,
we don't know what's out there.

Shh. Shh.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

I love you guys.

It's okay.


It's okay.

It's all right.


Sam. What are
you doing?

Sam, get down. Get down. Get down.
I have to go.

Brittany doesn't
have her phone on her.

She's in the bathroom.
She left it here.

Sam, Sam, sit down.

Sam, sit down.

Tina isn't here, either.

Who are you texting?

It's my mom.

There's no back way out
when you're in the kitchen.

okay, it's okay.

Where is she?

I don't know why
she's not answering.

She'll be okay.
No one's gonna hurt your mom.

Everyone really likes her.


When we were doing Grease,

I took in all your costumes

so that you'd think
you were fat.

I'm so sorry.

I have to go.

Where are you going?
I have to go.

No, are you crazy?


Stay down.


Kitty. Kitty.


Kitty. Stay down.

Get down!

Sam. Sam. I have to go.
I got to go.

She's out there all alone, she
doesn't have anybody out there.

Sam, no.
I have to go, I don't care.

Come on, Sam.
I don't care.

Come on, Sam!

No, let go of me!
I'm going!


Sam, listen!

I don't care!

I don't care!

Sam, listen.

You are putting
everybody's life in danger.

Look at them.

Look at them.

Look at them.

Sam, it's okay.

It's okay, Sam.

Sam, go sit.
Go sit with Artie.

Go sit with him.


Ryder, what are you doing?

Get down!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Principal Figgins,
I need to go back in.

It's Glee practice,

and everyone is
in the choir room. I was late.

No way. Not until
the police go in

and give the all-clear!

Artie, what are you doing?

If we don't get out of
here, people need to see this.

Does anybody have anything
they want to say?

Yeah. Me.

I love you, Dad.

Thanks for, like... everything.

And I know
I don't always let you know,

but you've taught me a lot.

There's a fake bottom...
to my desk drawer.

If you look under it, um...

there's a journal with a bunch
of songs that I wrote.

I've never told anyone,
but I'm really proud of them.


Mom, Puck...

...I love you guys.

You guys. Turn it off.

Please turn it off.



Mr. Shue.


It's okay.

Everyone all right?

I want to call her.



I thought you said
she was fake?

Look, she's someone...

and I still care
about her, okay?

I'm calling her.

Come on, pick up, pick up.

Pick up, please. Please.


Turn it off!

Turn the phone off.

You guys find that phone,
and turn it off.

Hang up.
Hang up the phone, Ryder.

Hang up.
Hang up.

Hang up... the phone.
Shh! Shh! Shut up!

Hang up the phone.

All clear!

Is everybody here?

All clear!

All clear!

Oh, my God.

All clear!

All clear!

My God.

Come here.

Come here. Come here. Come here.

Where's Tina? You
guys get over here.

You guys, come here.

You kids, get in here.

Come here.

It's okay. It's okay.
We're all here.

I love you all.

I love you guys.

Every one of you.

You guys were awesome.


At the risk of
stepping out of character,

I brought donuts to calm
everyone's frayed nerves,

until some rent-a-cop
put his greasy palm prints

all over my French crullers.

Hmm. I don't mind.

I'll never forget
the look on their faces

when that gun went off.

Something was taken from them...

their innocence, their idealism,

their feeling of safety.

I just hope we get

the students back.

Half of them didn't
even show up today.

Oh, my goodness,
I haven't seen this

level of overreaction

since Janet Jackson showed her
saggy fun bag at the Super Bowl.

What if it wasn't even a gun?

You ever think about that?
Cops didn't find one.

It could just as easily
have been firecrackers,

or a car backfiring.

I grew up on a farm,

and I know what
a gunshot sounds like.

Somebody fired

a gun in this school.

And quite frankly,
I don't feel safe

knowing there's some kid
with a gun

stuffed in his backpack
walking around these halls.

No. Either the kid
took the gun home,

in which case, they won't
be able to bring it back

because of the new
metal detectors.

Or the kid stashed it somewhere

here at school.

In which case, the police
are going to find it.

I mean, they are
searching every locker,

and interviewing
every single student.

Every single student?

Yeah. Then when they find
who did it, the kid's

going to be expelled.

Well, no student's
going to get expelled.

Why not?

'Cause it was my gun.

It's registered.

I have a license for it.

I'm sorry,
but in light of recent events,

I feel more safe
with it in my office.

Look, Sue, I'm not going
to argue the merits

of armed teachers right now.

It's a different world from
when you and I started teaching.

Or rather,
when I started teaching,

and you started doing
whatever it is that you do.

The safety net

of the public
mental health system is gone.

Parents with troubled kids
are too busy working three jobs

to look after them,

and the gun yahoos
have everyone so worked up

about Obama
taking away their guns

that every house has
a readily-available arsenal.

But having a gun
to make you feel safe,

and shooting it in school
are two different things.

I was just doing my daily

safety check,
making sure Uma Thurman...

that's what I call her...

was locked up tight, and
she accidentally went off.

When she fired, I dropped her,

and the second shot came
when the gun hit the floor.

This doesn't make
any sense, Sue.

Bullets leave bullet marks,
shell casings.

The casings are at
the bottom of a lake.

And I moved some posters
and a tub of protein powder

to cover up the holes.

"Cover-up" is
the optimal phrase.

I panicked.

Okay? I'm...

I'm sorry.

It took a couple

of days for me
to come to my senses,

but I'm here now,
ready to take my punishment.

You do realize
my hands are tied, don't you?

I have to report to the police
and the school board.

There are policies
in place, Sue.

Zero tolerance policies.

Yeah, I'm aware of them.

You know, it's funny
how this stuff works out.

An entire career doing
the right thing, winning.

I sent Cheerios off
to the Ivy Leagues.

I educated girls who are CEOs

of Fortune 500 companies.

They're mothers,
gold medalists.

I've coached two Grammy winners,

an Internet billionaire

and a lesbian
secretary of state.

But all I'll be remembered for

is this one thing.

It'll be the first line
of my obituary.

I'm sorry, Sue.

I have no choice.

I couldn't sleep,
neither could my mom and dad,

so we just stayed up
all night, talking

and crying
and hugging each other.

I know.

My parents wanted me
to stay home this week,

but I told them, no way.

It sounds crazy,
Blaine, but I...

I wanted to be in that
choir room with you guys.

Believe me, you didn't.

It was the most scared I think
I've ever been in my life.

Me, too, but not because
of what was happening,

but because I
couldn't get to you,

or do anything
to help you, or...

Or even say good-bye.

I-I think the important thing is
that no one got hurt.


And that you know
that you're my family.

Everybody in that room
is my family.

And I didn't want the
last thing you guys heard

from me is some snarky comment
about how I never get solos.

Oh, I love you, Tina.


Now you listen to me.

You were there
in the choir room with us.


You were there.

Come on.

Read my lips
because we know you can't read words.

I didn't catfish you.

I'm not into guys

who look like life-sized
cartoon wieners.

Now excuse me,
because just thinking

about me and you dating
makes me drier

than the cast
of Hot in Cleveland.

It's totally her.
Think of it.

Kitty and Katie are
practically the same name.

That's genius,
because it's so obvious.

Brittany's dating Sam,
Unique's ringtone is.

"Bootylicious," and Sugar
and Tina weren't even there.

Okay, so what if it is Kitty?

Would it really be that bad?

You have to admit,
she has been much cooler lately,

and maybe the only way
she can be completely honest is

by being anonymous.

What if it's that bass player

with the bowl cut, or

Brad, the piano player?

W-Whoever it is,
I'll find out at 3:30.



The first word I'd use

to describe you would be brave.


Then, funny,
strong inside and out,

great hugger,
and wears kick-ass red lipstick.

In fact, that's what I used
to describe you in this.

Online dating?

Nobody ever meets anyone
on this.

Of course they do.

How do you think
everyone's meeting up nowadays?

How did you know
my favorite Beatle was George?

And my favorite food was everything?

You know, I-I...
I could not have gone

through that horror
the other day without you.

I know this seems scary, but...

the time for you
to get out there is now.

Thank you, Will,
for doing this for me.

I love you.

I love you, too.

So, you think anyone's going
to respond to this? Jackpot.

You got one already. Hmm.

He's in Oregon,

he's a former
football coach, too.

Ken Tanaka.

Hi, baby.

Are you feeling
any more normal?

Not really.

I mean, I was genuinely scared
when I was in the choir room,

and you were out here all alone.

Couldn't stop thinking
about you.

You were all
I thought about, too.

Not Lord Tubbington?

No. At first, I thought he might
be the one doing the shooting.

I've kind of been a jerk
about him lately.

I mean, it's not like
he's that nice to me.

I shut down his
e-mail account

so he wouldn't send you
any more harassing messages.

Look, he's your cat,
and if he's important to you,

he's important to me, too.

That said...

I've been thinking

that we needed something
that's really ours.

We had a fake wedding,

and I think we should
also start a fake family.

Did you get me a fake baby?

Her name is Lady Tubbington.

I made sure to get a fat one
at the shelter

so Lord Tubbington
doesn't feel self-conscious.


How long was she in there for?

A while.


She's amazing.


I love you.
I love you.

Why, Sue?
Why did you do it?

Well, I had my reasons.

I explained them to
Principal Figgins.

I heard... but I don't
accept that.

Bringing a gun to school?
That's not you.

I was scared, Coach.

About graduating,
being out in the world

with no one to protect me.

Honey, told you. You will always
have a place here.

No. I wanted to be prepared

and protect myself!

I need help.

I don't know what
to tell you, Will.

I stand by my actions.

Becky... give me the gun.

Where did you get that?

It's my dad's.
I wanted to be ready.

Oh, I know sweetheart.
Don't worry about it.

I completely understand.
Just-just give me the gun.

So, that's it?

This is how it ends?

Give me something
so I can talk to Figgins.

Let me help you.

I'm sorry, Coach.

I'm sorry.


Shh. It's okay.

Come on! Oh! It's okay.

I'll take care of it.

Keep an eye on Becky, will you?

She's tough,

but like all the kids,

she gets scared sometimes.

Thanks, buddy.

Shouldn't you be at
the mandatory school assembly?

We're having a secret
Glee Club meeting instead,

but I was waiting for someone.

She was supposed
to meet me here at 3:30.

Well, good luck with that.


Aren't you gonna write me up
for not being at the assembly?

I would, but I don't
work here anymore.

d Take all of your
wasted honor d

d Every little
past frustration d

d Take all
of your so-called problems d

d Better put 'em
in quotations d

d Say what you need to say d
d Ooh, ooh d

d Say what you need
to say d
d Ooh, ooh d

d Say what you need to say d
d Ooh, ooh d

d Say what you need to
say d
d Ooh, ooh, ooh d

d Ooh d

d Walking like a one man army d

d Fighting with the shadows
in your head d

d Living out
the same old moment d

d Knowing you'd be
better off instead d

d If you could only d

d Say what you need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Have no fear for giving in d

d Oh d

d Have no fear
for giving over d

d Oh d

d You'd
better know that in the end d

d It's better to say
too much d
d Ooh d

d Than never to say
what you need to say again d

d Even if your hands are
shaking d
d Oh, oh d

d Oh, oh d

d Do it with a heart wide
open d
d Ah, ah-ah d

d Ah, ah d
d Ah, ah, say what d

d You need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Say what you need to say d

d Oh, say what d

d Say what you need to say d

d Oh, say what d
d Say what you need to say d

d Oh, say what d

d Say what you need to say d
d Oh, say d

d Say what you need to say d
d Oh, say what d

d Say what you need to say d

d Oh, say what d
d Say what you need to say d

d Oh, say what d
d Say what you need to say. d

d Say what you need to say d

Mom, Dad, I love you guys,

and there is a cat
in my backpack in my locker.

Please feed her for me.

Anyone that ever watches this,

never stop believing
in yourself.

Hi, Mom and Dad.
I just wanted you to know...

...that I love you.

And this has been
the best year of my life.

Even though...
maybe it didn't seem like it.

I just want to say

that I've had the best
experience of my entire life

in this room, and that I love
these people more than anything. - nowa jako?? napis?w.
Napisy zosta?y specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu.