Glee (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 11 - Sadie Hawkins - full transcript

So here's
what you missed on Glee:

The New Directions! lost
to the Warblers at Sectionals

when Marley collapsed
in the middle of the show...

The New Directions!
are finished.

...so Sue
took over the choir room,

and now the Glee Club's
homeless.

Puck went back to Lima
after striking out in L.A.,

and he and Jake used
to just be half-brothers,

but now they're, like, bros.

Jake and Marley
are almost an item,

and Kurt got a surprise
audition to NYADA,



and he totally got in.

That's what you missed on Glee.

I'm telling you,
it's been keeping me up at night.

Something weird's going on
with the Warblers.

They're doing all those weird
flips and superhuman jumps

at Sectionals.
Exactly, that's why they won.

And where
was Roundfaced Warbler?

You said he was there
when you went back to Dalton,

but come Sectionals,
poof, he's gone.

So, what are you saying?

I think they cheated
at Sectionals.

Sam, you can't make
accusations like that

without any kind of evidence.

Well, then,
I'll find some evidence.



Do you have any lip balm
I can use?

What?

Conspiracy theories make my lips
get all chapped.

Come on dude, it's not weird.
We're like brothers.

Yeah, um, sure.

Here you go.
Thank you.

Mmm.

Guys?

You're late.
I know.

It's not...

This meeting of the
McKinley High Student Council

is now in session.

First order of business:

Secretary Cohen-Chang,

will you please read the minutes
from last meeting?

Sam did a Daniel Craig
impression for 45 minutes.

I'll have
it shaken and stirred, too.

That was fantastic.

Thank you,
Secretary Cohen-Chang.

Treasurer Motta, uh,
if we could go through

the budget appropriations
we were talking about last...

Yes, Tina?

It is now officially
142 days until Prom,

where all the hot girls
get immediately snatched up

by all the hot guys,

then the sort of hot girls

get asked out by the
sort of hot guys,

and then all the rest of us
have to sit around and wait

for all the nerds and the freaks
and the burn-outs and the losers

to work up some courage
and ask us out

to the most awkward night
of heavy petting we're likely

to get till we wake up
in a nursing home

getting groped by an orderly.

Okay, well, the record,

I think you're
totally sort of hot.

Like, if I was, like,
in a bunker with you,

I would totally hit that.

Tina, what are you suggesting?

I propose the First Annual

McKinley High
Sadie Hawkins Dance.

It's what you call a dance

where the girls ask the guys.

I'm not sure that's a good idea.

Why not?

It was the topic of discussion

at the last meeting of the

Too Young to Be Bitter Club.

Ever since I dated Puckerman,

no one will ask me to a dance.

I think everyone assumes
you have herpes.

No one asks me to dances
'cause I have such clammy hands.

I'm a hot piece of ass

and I want to shake

this sweet thing
on a dance floor.

Ba-bam.

Becky is right, if I understood
what she said correctly.

Why are the guys so empowered
to ask us to a dance

when we just have to sit around
and wait?

Wouldn't it be great
if we got to choose?

All in favour of a dance
where the girls ask the guys...

W-Wait...

wait, wait a second.
Hold on just one...

It's official.

Get ready for the first annual

McKinley High
Sadie Hawkins Dance.

My first week at NYADA,

and the most surprising thing
about college

is it's just like high school.

It's all about the cliques.

The stage combat majors
are the jocks.

Classical acting majors
are the preps.

The ballerinas
are the mean girls,

and if they're at the top
of the social pyramid,

then, once again,

I'm at the bottom.

I assumed Rachel and I
would be as inseparable

as the twins in Side Show,

but she's always rushing off
to help Brody

with something that
requires him to be shirtless.

All right, Brody has an audition for
Magic Mike: The Musical,

so I'm gonna go help him.
I'll see you at home later.

And I love you. Mwah.

The truth is this guy needs

to start making new friends,

and just like in high school,

the best way to do that
is extracurriculars.

Let's see,
the Elizabethan Society,

the Grand Guignol Club,

the Tennessee Williams
Play Reading Group, and...

What's Adam's Apples?

NYADA's show choir;
You should join.

It's super fun.

I feel totally powerless.

Okay, any second any girl
could just come up and ask us

to the dance, and it will
be very hard to say no.

Or worse, no one asks us
at all.

This must be what the girls
feel like all the time.

It is.

Whoo!

Hey, Finn, want to arm wrestle?

It'll really get
your blood flowing.

Not today, Coach.

Anyone?

Hey, pumpkin, I heard about Sue
taking over your choir room.

I'm really sorry about that.

Yeah, yeah,
it's been pretty rough.

I feel like we're the Fugees
or something,

just bouncing around
from available classroom

to available classroom.

You... wait, you mean
like refugees?

Yeah. I mean, it's great we're
still together as a group,

but without competitions,
I have to come up

with something fun and
interesting on a weekly basis

just to keep
everybody involved,

and this week I'm just stuck.
It's a no-brainer.

The Sadie Hawkins Dance.

Well, no offense, but how
am I supposed to make a lesson

out of a dumb school dance?

When I was in high school,

girls like me didn't
get asked out.

So the only dance I could go to

was Sadie Hawkins.

I asked the preacher's son.

He was stoned the whole time,
but we had a ball.

Going to that dance
gave me the courage

and the confidence
to join the football team.

I was the first girl
in Missouri to ever do it.

Sadie Hawkins

is a metaphor for empowerment,

and not just for women,

but for everyone

who is sick and tired
of the status quo.

I want to sit under Venus.

I want to sit under Uranus.

What's so funny?

So this week in Glee Club,
it's ladies' choice,

inspired
by the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

Which I thought of.

It was my idea.

Yes, thank you, Tina.

And every girl
will sing to whoever

they want to take to the dance.

Well, I, for one,
love this lesson.

I've got a song I want
to sing to somebody.

♪ I can sing high and sing low ♪

♪ I can sing high and sing low ♪

Kurt, he's still sleeping.

♪ Would you like some tea? ♪

Yes, I would, but shh.

Yes.
Brody's here?

Did he spend the night?

Yeah. We had dinner
last night at Balthazar,

and he insisted
on taking me home.

Rachel. You know, the train ride
back to Manhattan's really long,

so I just invited
him to stay over.

Oh, Rachel Berry,
I am scandalised.

Well, I just...
I seized the moment.

I really, I like him,

and I'm tired of second-guessing
something that feels so right.

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Well, as long as you're happy

and I have
a white noise machine,

I guess I'm happy, too.

How are you?
How was your first week?

It was good, you know,
a little lonely,

but I was thinking
to meet people,

I would join the show choir

called the Adam's Apples.
Oh, no, no, no, no. No.

Listen to me, there
is a very rigid

performing arts
hierarchy at NYADA,

and show choir is, like,
it's the lowest of the low.

It's beneath stage
managers and carpenters.

That is social
and career suicide.

But at McKinley...
We're not at McKinley anymore.

And we're done being underdogs;
If you want to join a club,

just do anything but
the Adam's Apples.

That's what all the
future chorus kids do.

If you do show choir in college,
all right,

you might as well be doomed
to a life of playing

a dancing teapot at Disneyland.

All right, so
Tina is ready to present her solo

and make her choice.

Gentlemen, prepare yourselves

for Tina Cohen-Chang.

Whoo! Whoo!

Thank you, Finn.

For my song, I'll be performing

"I Don't Know How to Love Him"

from Jesus Christ Superstar.

It's about the pain
of unrequited love and...

Yeah, okay, just wrap it up.

Beiste needs the locker room
at 4:30.

Sorry. Hit it.

Who do you think she's asking?

The only obvious choice
in the room.

A charming debonair
figure from her past.

A forbidden love she let
slip through her fingers.

Unique?

Really?

♪ I don't know how to love him ♪

♪ What to do ♪

♪ How to move him ♪

♪ I've been changed ♪

♪ Yes, really changed ♪

♪ In these past few days ♪

♪ When I've seen myself ♪

♪ I seem like someone else ♪

♪ Don't you think
it's rather funny ♪

♪ I should be in this position ♪

♪ I'm the one
who's always been ♪

♪ So calm, so cool ♪

♪ No lover's fool ♪

♪ Running every show ♪

♪ He scares me so ♪

♪ I never thought
I'd come to this ♪

♪ What's it all about? ♪

♪ What's it
all about? ♪

♪ Yet, if he said he loved me ♪

♪ I'd be lost ♪

♪ I'd be frightened ♪

♪ I couldn't cope ♪

♪ Just couldn't cope ♪

♪ I'd turn my head ♪

♪ I'd back away ♪

♪ I wouldn't want to know ♪

♪ He scares me so ♪

♪ Ooh, I want him so ♪

♪ I love him so. ♪

Okay, let's hear it for Tina.

Yeah.

Tina!

Whoo! Tina!

Tina!

So... Blaine,

will you go to the dance
with me?

Oh, uh...

Wow, um,

Tina...

I don't know what to say.

Um...

no.

Thank you,

but no, no, thank you.

You're thinking about
signing up, aren't you?

Oh, uh, maybe.

I... You are...?

Adam, a senior and founder
and fearless leader

of the Adam's Apples,
the group you are

very seriously
considering joining.

I'm Kurt.
Kurt Hummel.

Your Winter Showcase
performance

was breathtaking.

But now you're here,

and you're wondering
where you fit in

and how can college be
so much like high school,

and you want to join my group,

but you're aware
it's a step backwards,

and no, I'm not a mind-reader,
I'm just astute, like you.

We need you; we want you.

Well, I'm very impressed
you said all that in one breath,

but I don't think
I'll be joining.

Man, a hard sell.

I respect that,
but I'm not willing to go down

without a fight;
Come hear us sing.

No strings attached.

No secret time-share condo
Ponzi scheme.

Just our voices

and your ears.

I present to you

the Adam's Apples.

♪ L.A. face
with the Oakland booty ♪

♪ I like big butts
and I cannot lie ♪

♪ You other brothers
can't deny ♪

♪ When a girl walks in
with an itty-bitty waist ♪

♪ And a round thing
in your face, you get sprung ♪

♪ You want to pull up tough ♪

♪ You noticed that butt
was stuffed ♪

♪ Deep in the jeans
she's wearing ♪

♪ I'm hooked
and I can't stop staring ♪

♪ I'm tired of magazines ♪

♪ Saying flat butts
are the thing ♪

♪ Take your average black man
and ask him that ♪

♪ She got to pack much back ♪

♪ So fellas ♪
♪ Yeah... ♪

♪ Fellas ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Has your girlfriend
got the butt? ♪

♪ Tell her to shake it ♪

♪ Shake it ♪

♪ Shake that healthy butt ♪

♪ Baby got back ♪

♪ L.A. face
with the Oakland booty ♪

♪ Booty, booty ♪
♪ Baby got back ♪

♪ L.A. face
with an Oakland booty ♪

♪ Booty ♪
♪ Baby got back ♪

♪ A word
to the freak soul sisters ♪

♪ I wanna get wit' cha ♪

♪ I won't cuss or hit ya ♪

♪ But I gotta be straight
when I say I wanna ♪

♪ Till the break of dawn ♪

♪ Baby got it goin' on ♪

♪ A lot of simps
won't like this song ♪

♪ 'Cause them punks like
to hit it ♪

♪ And quit it ♪

♪ And I'd rather stay and play ♪

♪ So ladies ♪
♪ Yeah... ♪

♪ Ladies ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ If you want to roll
in my Mercedes ♪

♪ Then turn around ♪

♪ And stick it out ♪

♪ Even white boys gotta shout ♪

♪ Baby got back ♪

♪ L.A. face
with the Oakland booty, booty ♪

♪ Baby got back ♪

♪ L.A. face
with the Oakland booty, booty ♪

♪ Baby got back ♪

♪ L.A. face
with the Oakland booty ♪

♪ Booty ♪
♪ Baby got back ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty ♪

♪ Booty ♪

♪ Baby got back. ♪

Hey, can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah.

Uh, my name is Brittany.

I know. Okay. I
just wasn't sure.

We've never actually had
a conversation before,

and this is exciting.

I noticed

that whenever you look at Jake,
you get a really sad look

on your face, and if it's quiet
enough, I can actually hear

that you're whimpering
like a suckling puppy.

I think you want to ask him to
the dance and you're afraid to.

We went out on a couple dates,
and it was really, really nice.

This is my locker.
Oh.

But then, after I
fainted at Sectionals,

he started acting
really strange.

He stopped calling me

and he's acting all mysterious.

So can I make a suggestion then?

You need to find your power

and I'm gonna help you do that.

How?

Where are you going?

We're gonna sing a song together,

and the music usually starts

when I say something like,

"It's Brittany, bitch,"
or I do one of my magical turns.

♪ I know something about love ♪

♪ You've gotta want it bad ♪

♪ If that guy's got
into your blood ♪

♪ Go out and get him ♪
♪ Do-do-do ♪

♪ If you want him to be ♪

♪ The very part of you ♪

♪ Makes you want to breathe ♪

♪ Here's the thing to do ♪

♪ Tell him that you're never
gonna leave him ♪

♪ Tell him that you're always
gonna love him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him ♪

♪ Tell him,
tell him right now ♪

♪ I know something about love ♪

♪ You've got to show it and ♪

♪ Make him see the moon
up above ♪

♪ Reach out and get him ♪

♪ If you want him to be ♪

♪ Always by your side ♪

♪ If you want him to ♪

♪ Only think of you ♪

♪ Tell him that
you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ Tell him that you're always
gonna love him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him, tell him,
tell him right now ♪

♪ Ever since the world began ♪

♪ It's been that way for man ♪

♪ And women were created ♪

♪ To make love their destiny ♪

♪ Then why should true love be ♪

♪ So complicated ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, oh ♪

♪ Tell him that
you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ Tell him that you're always
gonna love him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him, tell him,
tell him right now ♪

♪ Girl, you've got to tell him ♪

♪ Tell him that
you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ Tell him that you're always
gonna love him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him, tell him ♪

♪ Tell him right now ♪

♪ Just take his hand in yours
and tell ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him
right now. ♪

Jake!

I mean, I mean...

...Jake, would you like to go

to the Sadie Hawkins Dance
with me?

Yes.

Yes, I would.

Okay, uh, anyone else?

Sam,

Mm-hmm? Will you go to
Sadie Hawkins with me?

Honour it would be.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm gonna get right to it.

Dump the bulimic loser and go to
the Sadie Hawkins Dance with me.

What are you talking about?

I thought you and Marley
were friends now.

Duh, we are. I'm still gonna
gaslight her every chance I get.

Look, I realise Marley's
super sweet,

and I'm sure you have
great conversations

when you share milkshakes
down at the drive-in

about how you both

love President Eisenhower.

But good luck getting past
first base with that girl.

I, on the other hand,
could offer you a little...

bit... more.

Oh, really? I thought you were
the good Christian virgin type.

I was.

But I've had a change of heart.

Decided to play by my own rules.

You have needs.

Are you really sure
Marley's up for the job?

I owe you an apology.

I... also think you sort of
owe me an apology because...

that was maybe
the most humiliating moment

I've experienced in Glee Club,
and that's saying something.

But still...

I'm sorry.

I forgot that story you told
about your old school.

How the whole reason you
transferred to Dalton

was because you got bullied
at a Sadie Hawkins Dance.

No wonder you don't want to go.

I apologise.
Thank you, Tina,

but that's not why I can't
go to the dance with you.

Then what is the reason?

I-I can't tell you that.

It-s-it's really
embarrassing.

I swear to God I-I
won't tell anyone.

I have a crush on somebody,

and I don't want to go
to a dance where everyone's

gonna be romantic there but me.

Who?

Who is it?
It's-it's a guy

and he's straight
and he doesn't know

that I like him.

I swear to God
I won't tell anyone.

I'm not some predatory gay,
so... nothing's

gonna happen.
Who is it?

Tell me, Blaine. Y-You can

trust me.

It's Sam.

Dude.

Look at this.

This is Hunter Clarington
two years ago.

Look how skinny his head is.
Okay, this is him now.

Look how much thicker
his head is!

So maybe he started working out.

What, doing
skull-widening exercises?

Dude, human growth hormone! HGH!

Same thing happened
to Mark McGwire

And Kirstie Alley

and Drew Carey and Star Jones

and Aretha Franklin,
Cedric the Entertainer...

It's so stupid.
No.

It's not stupid.

I know what it's like
to have a crush on someone

who's never gonna love you back.

I know it's all just a fantasy.

I-I mean...
I'm proud of our relationship.

I'm proud the gay guy can be
friends with the straight guy.

I'm proud of showing
the school that. I just...

I don't want to jeopardise our
friendship, you know? Blaine...

you miss Kurt.

You need someplace to
put your love, right?

I guess.

And then there are those lips...

Those lips. Yes, those lips.

And when he does
all those impressions?

It's pure crushable crack.

Hello, soul sister.
Isn't that Mr. Mister on the radio?

Stereo? The way you look
ain't fair, you know.

Okay... here's what we're gonna
do about your very human

and moving dilemma.

We are going to the Sadie
Hawkins Dance together.

We'll go as best friends,

and we're gonna have
the most fun night ever.

Okay?

Come on.

Okay.

I mean, I don't
know what to do.

Marley is such a great girl

and I really do want to be a
good guy, but it's, like...

Okay. Let me stop you
right there.

Young guys like you

think you have to hit
a home run every time.

But as long
as you're getting on base,

you're always
in position to score.

No, you don't understand.
I'm not even getting on base.

And all of a sudden.

Kitty's inviting me
to the Home Run Derby.

Look at me.
I'm your hitting coach,

and I'm waving you off.

Seriously?

I mean, it's, like,
a sure thing.

Yeah, it's sure to be
some of the best and...

weirdest toe-curling
you'll ever have, but...

it's also sure
to ruin your life.

I had every flavour
of Cheerio you can imagine.

Original, Honey Nut.

Did it really mean anything?

No.

I mean, you really like
this Marley chick, right?

You got to resist that
Jesus-loving little devil.

Okay, but Kitty is all up on me.

She's not going away.

Don't you worry, little brother
from a different-coloured mother.

I'll make her go away.

Okay, so Brody said he's
gonna meet me at the library

to go downtown.
Do you want to come?

No, no, thanks; I don't want
to be a haggy third wheel

on your guys's date.
Come on, you won't be.

All right, you know
what I can't wait for?

I can't wait for you to find the
new man of your dreams. Mm.

And then me, you, him,
and Brody can all go

on double-dates together,
and it'll be so much fun.

I really feel
like it's gonna happen soon.

Actually, there is someone
that I have my eye on.

Oh, my God. Who?
Is it Raul Esparza?

No, I wish. 'Cause
that would be great.

No, he goes to school with us,

but, I don't know, lately things
have been happening, and...

I'm just gonna try
and figure out if he likes me.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof?

Hi, uh... it's for the Tennessee
Williams Play-Reading Club.

You'd make a fantastic Brick.

Kind of look like
a young Paul Newman.

Hey, Kurt. Nice plié. Oh...

Hi, again. Uh, no.

Uh, my ex-boyfriend was
more of the dancer in...

in our relationship.

Let's try this again.

Hey, Kurt.

Nice plié.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, my God, he is
totally crushing on you!

What is his name?

I-I don't want
to jinx it, okay?

I mean, he's 22,
sophisticated, handsome.

Great.

Just not what he wants...
to be with me.

Oh, God, Kurt, you
are a catch, okay?

And now that, you know, things
with you and Blaine are good,

and you're finally
over the breakup,

I think it's
really time for you

to put yourself out
there, you know?

Hey, look, if this
guy doesn't want

to ask you out, then you

ask him out, okay?

I promise you,
it'll be worth the risk.

There's nothing like being
in love in New York.

Love? Already?

What can I say?
Things move fast here.

It's not like high school.

Says the girl who almost
got married before graduation.

Seize the moment! Do it!

It'll be worth it.

I'm going to keep this simple,

for my sake as much as yours.

Stay away from my little bro.

He's not interested in
your skanky Meow Mix.

Speaking of things that are
past their freshness date,

didn't you graduate...
barely?

I recently relocated
back to Lima.

I find it to be a less
distracting environment

to focus on my screenwriting.

Don't you have to be able
to spell to be a writer?

I know how to spell.

Leave my brother A-L-O-N.

I understand the Puckerman
musk is impossible

for chicks to resist.
We're like

chocolate chip cookies
right out of the oven.

Sure you know we're not
good for you, but one whiff

of our fresh-baked goodness,
and the next thing you know,

you're lying in bed,
covered in crumbs, crying.

Jake is fighting his instincts.

He's trying to be a good guy.

If you really like him,

you'll back off and give him
a chance to do the right thing.

I don't like Jake.

I'm a mean, hot, bitch that
likes to get what she wants.

Well, it's not gonna happen.

I'm not going to let it happen,

so all you're going to do is get
rejected and embarrass yourself.

Fair point.

But I certainly can't
go to the dance alone.

Out.

What are you doing
Saturday night?

You want to go with me?

It's depressing that
you hang around school,

but you're just hot
enough to pull it off.

I assume vintage Puckerman
is just as tasty.

It's better,
but you can't handle me.

You're used to dealing
with amateurs.

I'm professional.

What's the difference?

Amateurs have threesomes.

Professionals have foursomes.

I've seen things, done things

that would keep you up at night.

You want to keep me away
from your brother?

Give me a big old yarn ball
of muscles to distract me.

Aren't you underage?
I have a fake ID.

Good enough for me.

It's Sadie Hawkins,
so, I assume

that means you're paying
for everything.

And if you want to get all up
in this, I expect to be fed.

I'll pick you up at 7:00. We can
swing by the drive-through.

And my dates are always
underwear-optional.

Tina, these decorations
are incredible.

Well, Sadie Hawkins Dances are
sometimes called "Snowballs",

so that's where I got the
idea for a snowflake theme.

I'm really glad
that you invited me to this.

No Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder

from what happened before?

I thought
there might be, but no.

I'm thrilled.

What's up, McKinley?

We've got quite the set.

We'd like to dedicate

this song to all
the strong, proud

and empowered ladies
who stuck their necks out

to make this happen.

This week, you showed us
what it feels like

to wait anxiously
by the phone that never rings.

The horror when all your friends
get asked to the dance,

and you don't,
and you have to sit there...

All right, cool.
Thank you, Artie.

This next one's for all the,
uh, powerful women out there.

♪ Ooh-ooh... ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ A scrub is a guy
that thinks he's fly ♪

♪ And is also known
as a buster ♪

♪ Always talkin'
about what he wants ♪

♪ And just sits
on his broke ass, so ♪

♪ No... ♪
♪ I don't want your number ♪

♪ No ♪
♪ No, I don't want
to give you mine and ♪

♪ No... ♪
♪ No, I don't
want to meet you nowhere ♪

♪ No ♪
♪ No, I don't want
none of your time and ♪

♪ No, I don't want no scrub ♪

♪ A scrub is a guy that can't
get no love from me ♪

♪ Hanging out the passenger side
of his best friend's ride ♪

♪ Trying to holler at me ♪

♪ I don't want no scrub ♪

♪ A scrub is a guy ♪

♪ That can't
get no love from me ♪

♪ Hanging out the passenger side
of his best friend's ride ♪

♪ Trying to holler at me ♪

♪ If you don't have a car
and you're walking ♪

♪ Oh, yes, son,
I'm talking to you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ If you live at home ♪

♪ With your mama,
oh, yes, son ♪

♪ I'm talking to you ♪
♪ I'm talking to you, baby ♪

♪ If you have a shorty,
but you don't show love ♪

♪ Oh, yes, son,
I'm talking to you ♪

♪ Wanna get with me
with no money ♪

♪ Oh, no, I don't want ♪

♪ No, oh ♪

♪ No... scrub... ♪

♪ No...
scrub... ♪

♪ No, I don't want no scrub ♪

♪ A scrub is a guy that can't
get no love from me ♪

♪ Hanging out the passenger side
of his best friend's ride ♪

♪ Trying to holler at me ♪

♪ I don't want no scrub ♪

♪ No scrub ♪
♪ A scrub is a guy
that can't get no love from me ♪

♪ Hanging out the passenger side
of his best friend's ride ♪

♪ Trying to holler at me ♪

♪ I don't want no scrub ♪

♪ A scrub is a guy that can't
get no love from me. ♪

You're awesome.

You're awesome.

I really like you, Jake.

But I have this problem.

I always assume
the best in people.

That's my favourite thing
about you, besides your eyes.

♪ I lost my balance and I got in her way...
♪ Thanks. It's just...

when you assume
the best like that,

you tend to miss stuff,
like... signs.

Like when someone's
about to hurt you.

You're safe with me, okay?

How can I convince you?

I need you to be
with me and only me.

And I need to take things slow.

If you can agree
to that, I think

we could have the best time,
but if not, then,

I'm sorry, I... I just can't.

Oh, hey! I'll be right back.
Okay.

♪ You know you're sweeter
than a tangerine... ♪

What's the problem

here, single ladies?

Unless you're beat up like me
from riding a buffalo

down at the state fair,

you should be out
on the dance floor.

This ain't a dance for flowers
to sprout on the wall.

Get out there
and spread your petals.

We're not flowers.
We're losers.

And this dance only
doubled how pathetic

I already feel.

Look, there's Brett!

Hi, Brett.

Girls, take it

from a former wallflower myself.

Life's not about waiting
to be asked,

and neither is this dance.

Now, get out there
and get what's yours.

Just remember one thing:

The worst he could say is no.

♪ You lift me up ♪

♪ Don't you ever stop ♪

♪ I'm here with you... ♪

I will if you will.

♪ Now it's all or nothing... ♪

Oh, hey, Kurt, I was just
thinking about you.

Thoughts on a Sondheim
super mash-up?

Like epic to the power of epic.

We'll all probably die
while singing it.

You in?
I'm in.

Hey, Adam...

I was wondering...

Do you want to dance?

♪ What you gonna do
when the love burns down? ♪

Artie, will you dance with me?

Would you ever want
to get a drink or...

or a coffee sometime?

Yes...
Yes...

Yeah, that'd be great.

Great. Here, let
me give you my...

number.

♪ Stay until your love is ♪

♪ Alive and kicking ♪

♪ Stay until your love is... ♪

This is so nice.
It is, isn't it?

I told you this would be fun.

You were so right.

You know, I love your
new attitude these days.

It's so empowered.

I love your... everything.
You're perfect.

Oh, Tina Cohen-Chang,

where have you been all my life?

Right here.

Dude... I need you.

Huge breakthrough in the case.

Wait!

Blaine and I were just about to...

About to what?
– To keep dancing.

I'm sorry, Tina; this is
bigger than all of us.

I gotta go.
– Did you not hear me?!

Where are you...?
- Let's go!

You can dance with us.

Yeah, McKinley!

Okay, a friendly reminder:

Uh, don't eat the snowflakes.
They're fake.

And the glitter sticks
to the roof of your mouth.

All right,
ladies, grab your date

and get on the dance floor!

Because the guys
were just a warm-up

Us!

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah,
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah...
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Never had much faith
in love or miracles ♪

♪ Miracles... Uh ♪

♪ Never wanna
put my heart on the line ♪

♪ Uh ♪
♪ Swimming in your world ♪

♪ Is something spiritual ♪

♪ Spiritual, uh ♪

♪ I'm gonna get every time
you spend the night ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ 'Cause your sex takes me
to paradise ♪

♪ Yeah, your sex
takes me to paradise ♪

♪ And it sho-o-o-ows ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause you make me
feel like ♪

♪ Like... ♪

♪ I've been locked
out of heaven ♪

♪ Heaven ♪

♪ For too lo-o-o-ong ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Lo-o-o-ong ♪
♪ For too lo-o-o-ong ♪

♪ Yeah, you make me feel like ♪

♪ Like ♪

♪ I've been locked
out of heaven ♪

♪ Heaven ♪

♪ For too lo-o-o-ong ♪

♪ Lo-o-o-ong ♪

♪ For too
lo-o-o-o-ong ♪

♪ Oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Can I just stay here? ♪

♪ Can I just stay here? ♪

♪ Spend the rest
of my days here? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ 'Cause you make me
feel like ♪

♪ You make me feel like ♪

♪ I've been locked
out of heaven ♪

♪ Ooh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ For too lo-o-o-ong... ♪

♪ For too lo-o-o-o-ong ♪

♪ Yeah, you make me feel like ♪

♪ I've been locked
out of heaven ♪

♪ Heaven ♪
♪ For too lo-o-o-ong ♪

♪ For too long ♪

♪ For too lo-o-o-o-ng ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-ong ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, eh, eh ♪

♪ Yeah, eh, eh, eh ♪
♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, eh, eh, eh ♪
♪ Eh, eh, eh, eh ♪

♪ Ah. ♪

♪ ...for days like this ♪

♪ I'm like a,
like an orange soda ♪

♪ 'Cause my skin is sun-kissed ♪

♪ Everybody bust
to the right, now... ♪

Look, I usually avoid
dating Jewish guys

on account of your people
killing my Jesus.

I was willing
to make an exception

because of your biceps,

but I'm gonna have to end
this little experiment

in religious tolerance

if you don't stop dancing
like an idiot.

One night with me, and
I'll have you studying

for your Bat Mitzvah.

Not a chance.

I like bacon too much.

I read your screenplay,
you know.

Why didn't you tell me?

I gave it to you,
like, three days ago.

It took me that long
to get through

all the spelling errors.

Have you heard of spell check?

No.

Anyways, it's actually
really good.

You really think so?

The pool boy at the White House

is the only one who
can save the President

from alien terrorist
aquatic pythons?

I am sold.

I like Keanu for the lead.

You have promise.

I really think you
could be a screenwriter.

If you're done dancing
like you lost your leg

in a motorcycle accident,
why don't we back to my car

and have at each other
in the back seat?

Right on.

But I have to warn you,

I get pretty hungry
after sex, so...

we should make it quick,
'cause Sonic Burger

closes in an hour.

♪ Makes the boys say "Hello" ♪

♪ On this P-A-R-T-Y ♪

♪ All night long,
we gon' party till dawn ♪

Look at the pictures, Finn.
It's not just Hunter.

Half the Warblers have gained
ten pounds of muscle

since they joined the team.

I already looked into this.

This is
a weight training regimen

that they stole
from Vocal Adrenaline.

You can't just go
from being a twig

to Jean-Claude Van Damme
in a few months.

Tell him, Sam.

Look, the average male gains

up to two pounds of
muscle per month... fact!

And that's without cheating.

We looked it up online.

Plus, uh...

Look at this cell phone video

that Artie and Joe Hart took

down at the Lima Bean
the other day.

What the hell is this?

Did you put Splenda in my latte?

You're a barista!
You don't think!

You need to remember like six things
Here comes the biscotti throw.

And one of them is that the
sugar comes in the brown packet

and the Splenda
is in the yellow!

I freaking hate Splenda!

It tastes like pencils!

Why are you putting pencils

in my latte?!

Now, that is 'roid rage

and you know it.

Look, chapter seven, subsection 16,

rule four, line nine.

"Any team using
performance-enhancing drugs,

"including amphetamines,
anabolic steroid,

"human growth hormone
or Four Loko

"will be automatically
disqualified from competition."

The rule is retroactive,

so if we can prove that they used

at Sectionals, they'll have to forfeit

and we'll win.

Glee Club is back. Blam!

Guys, what you are asking me
to do here is beyond serious.

The Warblers are, like,

one of the most respected
glee clubs in the country.

To accuse them of this
when-when all we have for proof

is photos of some dudes' heads
and a-a cell phone video?

Look, I want Glee Club back

just as much as you guys, but...

this isn't enough.

We need more real proof.

We have some.

Me.

I knew when Trent didn't
perform with the Warblers

at Sectionals
that something was up.

Yeah, he is

kind of like the sunshine
of the group, isn't he?

Blaine and I joined
the Warblers together.

It was a band of brothers,

a group joined
by harmony and honour.

And then Blaine left and
Sebastian came, then Hunter...

They just chipped away
at everything

that was good and special about us.

Next.

Winning was everything.

I mean, you took the shots
or you didn't perform.

- Next.
Singing with the Warblers is my life,

but I couldn't do it.

My hormones can't handle
heroic doses of testosterone.

You. Sensitive.

Get over here.
What are you, afraid?

I'm not doing this.

I don't even shave yet.

The Warblers mean
everything to me,

and it's killing me
to betray them like this.

You're not betraying them.

Hunter betrayed the Warblers,
you're saving them.

Yeah, that's what they said
about Brutus.

And Cassius.

Look, if I go public with this,

then the Warblers' reputation...
it's ruined forever.

Years of honourable melodies
and harmonies, all forgotten.

Look, the Warblers'
reputation was ruined

the second
they decided to cheat to win.

Fact.

So, what do you say?

Will you do this?

Will you testify
against the Warblers?

Hey, sorry I'm late.

What are you doing?
It's 9:45.

I invited you over at 9:00.

You're 45 minutes late.

Your turkey burger is cold.

You know, six months ago,

I probably would've just smiled

and reheated this all up for you,

and I would have been grateful
that you showed up at all.

Wait, you're actually pissed?

Yeah, I am.
You know, it's amazing

how I strive for such greatness
for myself and my career,

but I'm fine with taking

whatever scraps I can get
in my personal life.

Well, I'm sorry.
The train was late.

You should've left earlier.
Okay?

Let me ask you,
I-if I would've told you

that there was, like,

ten million dollars here

at this apartment waiting for you,

then would you have come on time?

Because I think I'm worth
more than ten million dollars.

Yes.

You're priceless.

And you're right.

And if it means anything to you,

it was freezing
on the train platform.

Am I supposed
to feel sorry for you?

No.

Because I didn't care.

Because that train
was taking me here, to you.

And all I was thinking was that

I would wait all night,

I-I would wait my whole life
for that train,

if it meant that I got to spend
my last day with you.

I guess I could
put it in the microwave.

Not yet.

We-We have
plenty of time to eat.

I want to dance.

Come on.
But there's no music.

Well, use your imagination.

♪ My love must be ♪

♪ A kind of blind love ♪

♪ I can't see ♪

♪ Anyone but you ♪

I am awesome.

I mean, I always knew
I was pretty cool

but tonight is the first night

I realised how awesome I was.

Why is that?

Because you are
the most amazing

person I've ever met.

And somehow,

I convinced you to be into me.

You're incredible.

I'm done. I don't...

I don't want to be
with anybody else.

All I need is you.

♪ I don't know
if it's cloudy or bright ♪

♪ I only have eyes ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh... ♪

Tina!

Excuse me.

Hey. I thought you split.

No. No, not at all.

We were just dealing
with some Glee stuff.

Anything good?
I'm not sure yet,

but if it works out, we may
have just saved the Glee Club.

Is there anything you can't do?

I know I can't possibly

leave here without having

at least one slow dance
with you.

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Or on the crowded ♪

♪ Avenue ♪

♪ But they all disappear ♪

♪ From view ♪

♪ And I only have eyes ♪

♪ Only have eyes ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ De-bop, she-bop ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ De-bop, she-bop ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ De-bop, she-bop ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ De-bop, she-bop ♪

♪ I only have eyes for you. ♪

I promise I will never
be late again.

I'll get an apartment out here.

Why don't you just move in?

All right, let the record

state that the ladies
of McKinley

are grateful
to Tina Cohen-Chang.

That Sadie Hawkins Dance
gave me back my swag.

I not only snagged the cutest
Christian hippie in all of Ohio,

I was also empowered

to apply for a wrestling
scholarship at...

Harvard.

I think Brett really likes me.

He even baked me brownies.

Isn't that sweet?

I can't stop eating them.

And I got
to third base, bitches!

The dance couldn't have
gone more perfectly

if I do say so myself.

And just between us girls,

I think I found
the love of my life.

What? You're not talking
about Gay Blaine?

The "Too Young to Be Bitter
Club" is hereby disbanded.

Bring it in, Tina! Bring it in!

Get over here, Tina.