Glee (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 18 - Choke - full transcript

So here's what you missed
on Glee: Kurt and Rachel made

the final cut for NYADA,
which means the biggest

audition of their lives
is coming up if

they want their big time Broadway
dreams to come true.

Puck has big-time pool-cleaning
business dreams,

but first he has to graduate.

Roz Washington's been trying
to steal

the Cheerios! from Sue
the same way

Beiste stole
Cooter the football recruiter

and got married
after a romantic taco dinner.

And that's what you missed
on Glee.



RACHEL: Deep in space there are
giant interstellar clouds.

Most of them just float
through the universe,

content to be balls
of gas and space dust,

but there are special ones.

Maybe they collide
with a supernova

or are just made up
of something extra amazing,

but one day they just get too
big for the nebulas they're in

and with the sheer
gravitational force

of their awesomeness,
they become a star.

I am that amazing cloud.

My whole life has led
to this moment.

My NYADA audition is this week.

All of the singing and
dancing lessons and hours spent

until late into the night
practicing



my Oscar acceptance speech
into a mirror

are just about
to come home to find purchase.

My fiancé couldn't be
more excited or supportive.

Happy. Sad. Surprised.
Thoughtful. Presidential.

Hmm.

RACHEL:
I have some simple rules

when I'm getting ready
for a big performance.

First, no milk--
makes you too phlegmy.

Second, no doorknobs--
they spread infections.

So do kisses.

So what if I have
some superstitions, too?

I never step on cracks
and sometimes I walk bacards,

and everyone I see becomes
a metaphor

for the things
that could stop me.

I just give each one
my gold star death stare.

None of them stand a chance.

You are a star, Rachel Berry,
and in just two days from now

you are going to shine
so bright on that stage

that the sun is going
to cry with envy.

You know when your time is,
and it's now.

(bell ringing)

Hey, listen, man...

I overheard you talking to
that sophomore girl yesterday.

Whoa, back off, dude,
you've got a fiancée.

Plus, I called dibs
on all the chicks

whose boobs aren't
done growing yet.

Not that, okay?

You guys were talking
about graduation.

Yeah, I might not graduate,

but it's okay 'cause
gowns are for ladies

and tassels are for strippers.

Dude, hear me out.

I know you got
your pool-cleaning business

and everything, but even if
college isn't your thing,

it's still important
to graduate.

You gotta think ahead.

Who knows, maybe one day
you're gonna want

to clean the White House pool
or something.

I appreciate the brovention,
but I just told her that

so I can get a sympathy
pants massage.

I'll be getting my diploma
right next you.

I'm doing good in auto,
metal and wood shop.

So, all I gotta do is pass Mrs. Doosenberry's
European Geography test

and I can graduate.

Yeah, but how are you
going to do that?

I got a plan.

Okay, class, what can you tell
me about the Danube River?

Mr. Puckerman?

It's wet.

Real wet.

I may not be too good
at world geography,

but I'm real good
at female geography.

I'm gonna give
Doosenberry a little P-U-C-K

so I don't get an "F."

(bell ringing)
Hmm.

You guys, I just went to my
first student council meeting,

and I found out that we have
another prom this year.

So, as president, I need
to come up with a theme.

And I'm thinking,
if we do alien abductions,

we could set up cornfields
and probing booths.

Great. Yeah. All right.

SANTANA: Aw, hell.

Looks like Mr. Beiste went
all Chris Brown on Mrs. Beiste--

What happened, Coach, Cooter
put the smack-down on you

'cause you wouldn't
let him be on top?

(laughter)
What did you just say?

Nothing.
It was a joke.

So, men hitting women
is funny to you?

Oh, please.
We obviously don't think

Beiste was hit by anybody.

I mean, look at her,
she's a wall.

Let me tell you something.

I'm Coach Roz Washington.

I'm an Olympic Champion,
and I do not suffer fools!

Especially fools who think
domestic violence is funny.

I want your names.

Shannon!

Write these names
down as placeholders.

Hatrack.

Asian Horror Movie.

Li'l Oprah.

Rojo Caliente.

Salsa Caliente.

You're on my list now, girls.

You just watch
what happens next.

(bell ringing)
Black Sue,

it's no secret I despise you.

I spent the weekend sending
your photo to ivory poachers

who could make an
absolute fortune

selling your enormous white
teeth on the black market.

Yet it sounds like you and I finally
have something to agree on.

Look, I understand
kids making jokes

about things they find
uncomfortable,

like how there's a cheerleading
coach at their school

who's old as dirt and still
trying to have a baby,

who they know is gonna come out
looking weird with rabies

and wings, and it's gonna
fly out of your head box

and straight back into hell.

But domestic violence?

That's nothing to joke about.
I couldn't agree with you more.

WILL:
Hey! Mind if we join you ladies?

What are you guys talking about?
Your shiner.

William, your teenage minions

have taken this opportunity

to start making jokes
about violence against women.

Are you serious?

BEISTE: Wait a second.

They think I got hit?

I was at the gym
hitting the speedbag,

but my timing was off,
and it came back and clocked me.

I can't believe any of my kids

would make a joke about
something that serious.

Well, you better believe it,
whatever your name is.

I heard 'em
with my own two ears.

Yeah, you've got a problem
on your hands, William.

But not to worry.
John Goodman,

Black Sue and Original Recipe Sue
are going to take care of it.

♪ Let your mind
start a journey ♪

♪ Through a strange new world ♪

♪ Leave all thoughts
of the world you knew before ♪

♪ Let your soul take you
where you long to be ♪

♪ Let your dream begin ♪

♪ Let your darker side give in ♪

♪ To the power of the music ♪

♪ That I write ♪

♪ Help me make the music
of the night. ♪

Fantastic! I loved it.

I don't know.

My entire future is riding
on this audition.

It has to be perfect.

What if I sequin my cape?

Or if sing it in German?

Or if I did it in the nude?

What?
I'm serious.

I've always been ahead
of the curve,

and my audition
needs to show that.

And right now it-it's too safe,
it's too predictable,

it's boring-- I'm bored!

I think you're overthinking it.

Excuse me, my foot fall asleep.

I can't feel it at all.

Can I go walk it off?

Yeah, sure, just don't go far.

And thanks.

Okay.

I'm starting from scratch.

I need something fresh.

I need something edgy, something
completely unpredictable.

Or maybe I just
need more candles.

Oh, God, no.

No more candles.

(bell ringing)

Noah, why are you
closing the door?

So the chemistry
doesn't get out.

I brought you some illegal
fireworks I got in Tennessee

to remind you of us--
all explosive and taboo.

There is no "us," Mr. Puckerman.

Eleanor-- can I call you that?
No.

I've wanted you
since ninth grade

ever since I saw you
at that Canned Food Drive

for depressed Hawaiians.

Displaced Haitians.

Mmm... Your brain
turns me on.

(moaning)

Oh...

Oh, oh, oh!

I...
I might be recently divorced

and excruciatily lonely,
but I can't be bought.

I not buying you!

Just give me a D-minus,
and I'll tickle your thighs.

All right, we're done
here, Mr. Puckerman.

Look, lady, if you don't
pass me, I'll flunk out.

Oh, well, maybe, oh, just maybe,

you could crack open a book
and study like everyone else.

I can't!
I'm too stupid.

You're not stupid, Noah.

You're just lazy.

Screw you.
And screw McKinley.

I'm out of here! Forever!

(bell ringing)

(strumming opening chords to
Alice Cooper's "School's Out")

♪ Well, we've got no choice ♪

♪ All the girls and boys ♪

♪ Makin' all that noise ♪

♪ 'Cause they found new toys ♪

♪ Well, we can't salute ya ♪

♪ Can't find a flag ♪

♪ If that don't suit ya,
that's a drag ♪

♪ School's out for summer ♪

♪ School's out forever ♪

♪ Ah! ♪

♪ School's been blown
to pieces ♪

♪ No more pencils ♪

♪ No more books ♪

♪ No more teacher's dirty looks ♪

♪ Out for summer ♪

♪ Out till fall ♪

♪ We might not go back at all ♪

♪ School's out forever ♪

♪ School's out for summer ♪

♪ School's out with fever ♪

♪ School's out completely. ♪

(bell ringing)

Now I realize this room is
America's number one destination

for cheap, sappy moralizing,

but your insensitive behavior

is about to subject you to a
whole new level of preachiness.

Is this about the comment that
I made in the hallway earlier?

You bet your perfectly
round ass it is.

Coach Sylvester, I hardly
think you're one to preach

on what we can
and cannot joke about.

Yeah. You make fun of us
all the time.

Sandbags, I admit
I can be a bit abrasive.

And yes, I've fantasized
about slapping each and every

one of you square across the
face with a sturdy, wet fish.

But that doesn't mean
you deserve it.

No one deserves to get hit.

Coach Sylvester,
we already know that.

Yeah, and none of our guys would
ever do anything like that.

And if they did,
we'd just get the hell out.

I don't think
the gravity of this

is landing with you girls.

I think that not one
of you understand

what violence in a home
really feels like.

When I was growing up,
my aunt married a man

that was nice to everybody.

Used to bring us presents
when he came to visit

and never had an unkind
word to say to anybody.

But at home, he had a temper.

And that man
started beating her.

She'd lie, she'd make
a joke out of it.

She said she'd done
this or that wrong.

She'd tell my momma

he was a good man
and she had it coming.

It took my aunt five years

and a trip to ICU

to stop making excuses for
that man and get a divorce.

Ladies, the American songbook
is chock-full of songs

making light of men
hitting women.

And since the only way to

get anything into
your thick, dopey heads

is to force you to sing about
it, for this week's assignment,

I want you to turn those songs
into songs of empowerment

that say, "You lay a hand on me,
it's over."

(school bell ringing)

Blaine, I need some help.

Tina wants me to slick
my hair back for prom,

and I've never used gel, so I
have no idea what I'm doing.

Biggest tip I can give you:

never brush after you gel.
Disaster.

Second tip: feel free
to use a little sweat

or a little splash of water
to reactivate the gel

or give it a complete new look.

See that?

It's a whole new 'do,
my friend.

Hey.

I hear you guys talking a lot,

but is anybody gonna
mention what's missing,

what's different here?

(snaps fingers)

You finally shook the last
five pounds. Dude, congrats!

(murmuring, cheering)
Big deal, big deal.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

It's Puck.

He's not here.

Dropped completely off the grid.

Anybody notice that?

Doesn't even log on

to Call of Duty tourneys
anymore.

Oh, no.

I'm going into
full-blown prayer mode.

Look, we need to go

all Black Hawk Down here.

All he needs to pass
is that one test.

Either we all graduate together

or what was the point
of all this?

No man gets left behind.

We will get him to pass.

By any means necessary.

Right!

(school bell ringing)

Excuse me.
Um, this is insanity.

Wait, why are you
talking to me?

I thought you were saving
your voice for your audition.

No, I vowed
not to speak with you

unless William and Kate
got pregnant,

Liza passed or unless one of us
was in grave danger.

Tell me Liza's okay.
She's fine, but you're not.

Okay, I just talked to Blaine
and he told me

about "Not The Boy Next Door."

You cannot sing that
for your NYADA your audition.

I need to be excited about this,
and this is the first time

I've been inspired in
this whole process.

No, no,
it's too controversial, okay?

You can't wear Peter Allen's
gold lamé pants.

It was too
controversial in 1962.

(sighs)

Look, the play, and that song,

won Hugh Jackman the Tony.
I know.

And NYADA is a Broadway school.

Yes, but you haven't
rehearsed it enough, okay?

I'm not singing "Don't Rain
on my Parade" because

it's my go-to song and
because it's impossible for me

not to cry when I sing it,
but because I have been

belting out that song
since I was two years old.

All right, this is,
this is the biggest,

biggest moment
of our lives here.

We cannot be taking risks.

Isn't that the exact
moment to take a risk?

Kurt, can I be honest with you?

I think this is
self-sabotage.

All right, you're scared
you're not going to get in,

so you're using
something to blame

just in case this all
doesn't work out.

Do you really think
I'm doing that?

I think you think
you're not good enough.

But you are good enough.

Okay, you don't
have to go and do

some big, flamboyant number,
all right?

"Music of the Night" is
your "Don't Rain on My Parade."

I'm torn.

Uh, I have been
practicing Phantom

for the last three months. Yes!

And-and I believe in you,
and I believe that song.

So much that I will be
your Christine.

You will?
I will.

Okay, let's do it!

"Music of the Night" it is.
Good! All right, good.

Tina won't mind being recast.
No, she won't, so...

Oh, that's great! Okay. Okay.

NYADA's not gonna know what hit them.
Uh-uh.

Trust me.
Okay.

And now,

the six merry murderesses
of the Cook County Jail

in their rendition of
"The Cell Block Tango."

♪ Pop ♪
♪ Six ♪

♪ Squish ♪

♪ Uh-uh ♪

♪ Cicero ♪

♪ Lipschitz ♪

♪ Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-uh,
Cicero, Lipschitz ♪

♪ Pop, Six, Squish,
Uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz ♪

♪ He had it coming,
he had it coming ♪

♪ He only had himself to blame ♪

♪ If you'd have been there ♪

♪ If you'd have seen it ♪

♪ I betcha you would have
done the same ♪

You know how people have these
little habits that get you down?

Like Bernie.

Bernie-- he liked to chew gum.

No, not chew, pop.

So I came home this one day,
and I'm really irritated,

and I'm looking for
a little bit of sympathy.

And there's Bernie
lying on the couch,

drinking a beer and chewing--

no, not chewing, popping!

So, I said to him, I said,

"You pop that gum
one more time..."

(sighs)

And he did.

So I took the shotgun
off the wall

and I fired two warning shots.

Into his head.

♪ He had it coming ♪
♪ Pop, Six, Squish ♪

♪ He had it coming ♪
♪ Uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz ♪

♪ He took a flower
in its prime ♪

♪ And then he used it ♪
♪ Pop ♪

♪ And he abused it ♪
♪ Six ♪

♪ It was a murder,
but not a crime ♪

♪ Squish, Uh-uh,
Cicero, Lipschitz ♪

Now, I'm standing
in the kitchen,

carving up the chicken
for dinner,

minding my own business.

In storms my husband Wilbur
in a jealous rage.

"You been doing the milkman,"
he says.

He was crazy,
and he kept on screaming,

"You been doing the milkman."

And then he ran into my knife.

He ran into my knife ten times.

♪ The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum ♪

♪ The dirty bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum ♪

♪ They had it coming ♪
♪ They had it coming ♪

♪ They had it coming ♪
♪ They had it coming ♪

♪ They had it coming all along ♪

♪ 'Cause if they used us ♪
♪ 'Cause if they used us ♪

♪ And they abused us ♪
♪ And they abused us ♪

♪ How could you tell us
that we were wrong? ♪

♪ Could you
tell us that we were wrong? ♪

What happened to Beiste?

Uh, did we do something wrong?

Well, you completely butchered
one of my all-time favorite

Kander and Ebb tunes, while
completely missing the point

of absolutely everything.

You girls are cray-cray.

You were supposed
to pick a song

that gave women the
self-esteem and courage

to get the hell out of
an abusive situation.

But, oh, no.

You pick a song about
crazy women

in their panties killing
their men for chewing gum.

How is that supposed to help?

(school bell ringing)

How dare you stand up and leave?

We all wanted out of that room.

I'm sorry.

I was sitting there
listening to that song,

and I couldn't handle it.

I was too embarrassed.

Why would you be embarrassed?

Those girls were the ones
stinking up that auditorium.

He hit me.

I didn't get hurt

boxing at the gym.

Cooter hit me.

He'd been bugging me all weekend

to do the dishes,
and I-I promised him I would,

but I forgot.

And then when he
came home from work,

I could tell he had
had a few drinks.

And he started yelling, and
I tried to calm him down,

and then he hit me.

But as soon as it happened,

I mean, right away,
he was so sorry.

And he started crying and
begging me to forgive him.

Sweetheart, you're as big
as a house.

Why didn't you just turn around
and kick his ass?

I'm not a violent person.

Shannon, you have to get
out of that house right now.

Can't.

I can't leave him.

Why the hell not?

(sobbing softly)

Because I don't think anybody
else is ever going to love me.

Shannon,

listen.

You're gonna stay
with me tonight, okay?

If you don't have
a change of clothes,

I have a tent you can wear.

Looking good, Noah.

Hey, the kids are
at the neighbors.

You want to go for a quickie
in the pool house?

Not this time, Mrs. Collins.

I'm gonna keep it legit
'cause today's my last day.

Final cleaning's on the house--

a good-bye gift.

Last day?
Where are you going?

Isn't graduation coming up?

I'm done with school.
Don't need it.

I'm gonna blow town and get a
head start to the West Coast.

Huh.

Too bad.

I'll miss those abs.

Dad?

All right, everyone,
listen carefully.

Puck's scheduled to arrive
at the Schneider's pool

at 2:00 p.m., which means
he should be there at 3:30.

Sam, you're the driver,

so stay in the car.

Well, can I play
with the radio?

Rory, you're on lookout here.

Who am I looking out for?

I mean, besides Puck?

Blaine, Mike and myself
will triangulate

a very carefully planned
attack on Puck

here, here and here.

Is that a bear I'm hiding behind?
No, no, it's a bush.

Looks like a bear.
It's not a bear.

Maybe a shrub.

What's the difference
between a shrub and a bush?

What do I do?

Oh, that's the best part.

You're going to be the bait.

So, when Puck comes in the gate,
you just roll your wheelchair

into the pool, and
all of a sudden, we...

Are you all right, dude?

Yeah, look like you saw
a ghost, man. What's up?

Just saw my dad.

I haven't seen him
in five years.

I brought us a little refresher.

The last six-pack from
my micro-brewery--

Puckerman's Special Sauce.

I'm good.
Oh, come on.

A dad likes to share a beer
with his son. Be fine.

All right.

So what are you doing here?

I hate to do this, but, uh, I'm
kind of at the end of my rope.

I need to borrow some money.

From me? For what?
Mm-hmm.

Rent.

Hardest thing for a man
to do... is ask for help.

What did you do?

I gave it to him.

500 bucks.

That's most of
my seed money for L.A.

I don't get it. Why?

'Cause I knew
if I gave it to him,

I'd never have to see him again.

You know he dropped
out of high school, too?

Just kept seeing myself
sitting where he was sitting,

across from Beth--

no dignity, no future--

begging her for rent money.

I cannot let that happen to me.

I have to graduate.

And to do that,

I have to pass this damn
European Geography test.

Will you help me?

PUCK:
Please?

Never leave a man behind.

Thanks, bro.

Want some Throat Coat?
Oh.

Just to avoid
last-minute irritation.

Hit me.
Okay.

So, um, Kurt,
you know how they say

that knowledge is power? Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, I got
some last-minute intel

about our NYADA
adjudicator, and...

well, I don't want to make you

any more nervous
than you already are.

Okay, now you have to tell me.

It's Carmen Tibideaux.

My God.
What?

Carmen Tibideaux?

She's one of NYADA's
most famous--

and infamous-- alums.

She's played Broadway.
She's performed

the most demanding roles

in the greatest opera
houses in the world.

I think I'm going to throw up.

Look, my-my dads have been
trolling the NYADA chat rooms,

and they said that she's
been appointed dean

of Vocal Performance
and Song Interpretation,

and now she's going
across the country

to pick out her own
inaugural class.

All right.
KURT: Oh, Rachel,

you know the stories
of her wrath

as well as I do.

Once, "La Tibideaux"
stopped a performance of Medea

at the Met because someone
glanced at their watch

while she was doing one of her
"I'm killing my babies" arias.

She destroyed him.
Do you think she's

going to have any qualms about

cutting us off if
we displease her?

Kurt Hummel.

You're going to be amazing.

All right, I-I believe
in you, and no one

can sing this song
better than you can.

Even Michael Crawford?

(patting on back)

Go... go get 'em.

Hello.

I'm Kurt Hummel,

and I'll be performing
"Music of the Night"

from the seminal
Phantom of the Opera

by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.

(sighs)

Which I bet you hear a lot of.

That song.

That, "The Impossible Dream"
from La Mancha

and "Being Alive"
from Company, yes.

It's a safe and standard choice.

Which is why I've decided
to change things up a bit.

Here, in the 11th hour,

I've decided to go
in a different direction.

Something that's
a little more out there,

but much more me.

"Not the Boy Next Door,"

from the Peter Allen
bio-musical, The Boy from Oz.

Ladies?

(imitating Australian accent):
I had my swans on standby.

(Peter Allen's
"Not the Boy Next Door" begins)

♪ Coming home
used to feel so good ♪

♪ I'm a stranger now
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I've seen the world
at a faster pace ♪

♪ And I'm coming now
from a different place ♪

♪ Though I may look
the same way to you ♪

♪ Underneath
there is somebody new ♪

♪ I am not the boy next door ♪

♪ I don't belong
like I did before ♪

♪ Nothing ever seems
like it used to be ♪

♪ You can have your dreams,
but you can't have me ♪

♪ Oh, I can't come
back there anymore ♪

♪ 'Cause I am not
the boy next door ♪

♪ You've been saving
those souvenirs ♪

♪ Faded photographs
from our foolish years ♪

♪ We made plans,
but they're wearing thin ♪

♪ And they don't work out
'cause I don't fit in ♪

♪ And those memories
will just weigh you down ♪

♪ 'Cause I got no place
to keep 'em uptown ♪

♪ I am not the boy next door ♪

♪ I don't belong
like I did before ♪

♪ Nothing ever seems
like it used to be ♪

♪ You can have your dreams,
but you can't have me ♪

♪ Oh, I can't go
back there anymore ♪

♪ 'Cause I am not
the boy next door ♪

♪ Huh! ♪

♪ I'm not sorry
for just being me ♪

♪ But if you look past the past,
you can see ♪

♪ Nothing ever seems
like it used to be ♪

♪ You can have your dreams,
oh, but you can't have me ♪

♪ I can't go
back there anymore ♪

♪ 'Cause I am not ♪
♪ You are not ♪

♪ I am not ♪
♪ You are not ♪

♪ I am not ♪

♪ The boy next door. ♪

You know, Hugh Jackman
won a Tony Award

for playing Peter Allen.

Hugh trained with me
the summer I was in residence

at the Sydney Opera House,
and I'm certain

that he would have been...

as impressed with what you did
with that song as I am.

A bold choice, young man.

I congratulate you
for taking such a risk today.

Thank you.

(excited mumbling)

Millions of moments
have led up to this moment.

All you have to do
is just be yourself

because you're a star.

FINN:
I'll second that.

Thank you.

You nervous?

Oddly enough, not at all.

No, I'm... I'm ready.

CARMEN (over speaker):
Rachel Berry.

Hi. I'm Rachel Berry,

and I'll be singing
"Don't Rain on My Parade"

from my favorite musical,
Funny Girl.

(Barbra Streisand's "Don't Rain
on My Parade" begins)

♪ Don't tell me not to live ♪

♪ Just sit and putter ♪

♪ Life's candy and the sun's
a ball of butter ♪

♪ Don't bring around a cloud ♪

♪ To rain on my parade ♪

♪ Don't tell me not to fly ♪

♪ I've simply got to ♪

♪ Life's candy
and the sun's a... ♪

(music stops)

I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so, so sorry.

Please, let me just start over
one more time.

I'm sorry.

Please just start over again
one more time.

(song begins)

♪ Don't tell me not to live ♪

♪ Just sit and putter ♪

♪ Life's candy
and the sky's a... ♪

Oh, God.

This isn't happening.

(stammers)

I'm... I'm so sorry.
I don't know...

I know this song backwards.

I know this...

(sighs) Okay.

Please, let me just do it
one more time.

I can start it over one more time.
No.

Excuse me?

You get eight bars.

I gave you 16.

Do you know what happens

when you forget the words
on Broadway?

They give the job
to your understudy.

I'm very sorry,
but this audition is over.

No, please...
please, please, please.

You have to believe me.
You just have to...

please just give me
one more chance, please.

Please.

Please.

What's the biggest city
in Ireland?

Blarneycock.

Dude, he's pointing
right at it. Come on.

My brain is fried.

It's freaking 3:00
in the morning.

That's awesome--
we've still got

nine hours to cram
before your test.

(Puck groaning)

How's Rachel?

Uh... upset.

Devastated.
Wants to be alone.

Her dads are doing something
called sitting shivah.

I mean... I just don't get it.

It was a total choke.

Okay. (sighs)

So, let's hop on back
to sunny Spain.

Hey, look, here's a fun fact:

Spain is considered
a mostly mountainous country,

interspersed
with picturesque plateaus

and arid valleys.
That's fascinating.

No, it's not.
Who the hell cares?

Not even Einstein
uses this crap.

So wipe it from your memory
tomorrow, after your test.

FINN:
Now, for the bonus round.

Which region of Spain
receives the most rainfall?

I don't know. You do.
Just think about it, dude.

The rain in Spain
falls mainly...

Whatever. In the flatlands.

The plains.
What was that?

The rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain.

Again.

♪ The rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain ♪

♪ I think he's got it ♪

♪ I think he's got it ♪

♪ The rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain ♪

♪ By George, he's got it ♪

♪ By George, he's got it ♪

♪ Now, once again,
where does it rain? ♪

♪ On the plain, on the plain ♪

♪ And where's
that soggy plain? ♪

♪ In Spain ♪

♪ In Spain ♪

♪ The rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain ♪

Bravo!

♪ The rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain ♪

♪ The rain in Spain ♪

♪ In Hartford, Hereford
and Hampshire ♪

♪ Hurricanes hardly happen ♪

♪ How kind of you
to let me come ♪

♪ Now, once again,
where does it rain? ♪

♪ On the plain, on the plain ♪

♪ And where's
that blasted plain? ♪

♪ In Spain, in Spain ♪

♪ The rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain ♪

♪ The rain in Spain ♪

♪ The rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain. ♪

All right.

Ow!
Okay.

Moving on.

What rhymes with "preindustrial
European deforestation"?

(sighs)
Anybody?

Shannon,
I'm very upset with you.

You promised to stay
the night at my house.

I made up my sofa bed for you.

I ruined my tent fashioning
a neck hole in it.

And what am I supposed
to do with those

nine whole chickens
in my fridge?

I'm sorry, Sue.
I forgot to call you.

But I'm okay.

I spent all last night

moving in with my sister,
Denise.

Your sister's name
is Denise Beiste?

Well, Coach, I'm glad to hear
that you're okay.

And I hope that whatever bridge

Denise Beiste lives under
is nice and cozy.

Beiste, I really admire
what you're doing.

I know how difficult it must be.

Not as difficult
as what I'm about to do.

(school bell ringing)

BEISTE: Girls, I have
a confession to make.

It's a really hard thing
to talk about,

but I feel like
I owe it to you.

I didn't get hit
by a punching bag.

I got hit by my husband.

Are you serious?

Did he break his hand?

I'm sorry I lied
to you about it.

But nobody tells you
what you're supposed to do

when something
like this happens.

I was shocked,

I was... ashamed.

So I made excuses for myself,

to make it okay.

And I heard you girls say that

you thought your boyfriends
would never

do anything to you like that.

And a week ago, I would've said

exactly the same thing.

And I was wrong.

But Cooter always seemed
like such a nice guy.

Yeah, I always just thought he
was a big, smiley doofus.

He is. Most of the time.

But nobody knows what
goes on behind closed doors.

Are you considering
pressing charges?

Yeah.

And more than that,
I got out of there,

and I moved in with my sister,

and that feels really good.

But you girls?

You not only opened
my eyes to this...

you maybe even saved my life.

Thank you.

(sniffs)

Eyes on your paper, Puckerman.

PUCK:
Focus. You can do this. Okay.

"What area of
the Spanish countryside

receives the highest
annual rainfall?"

Holy crap! I know that one.

♪ In the plain, in the plain. ♪

Question two:

"Name three counties in England

where violent storms
rarely occur."

This is the easiest test ever!

Hartford, Hereford
and Hampshire!

Puck-gellen is on a roll.

Question three:
"What was the capital of

the Austria-Hungarian empire?

Wait, that's not in the song.

(school bell ringing)

How do you think you did?

My best.

Did you pass?
Does your head hurt?

'Cause sometimes after
I take a test, my head hurts.

It's usually a good sign.

You know, it's weird,
but... I think I did.

Thanks to you guys.

So thank you.
All of you.

You know, it's hard
growing up without a dad,

because you don't have
any dude role models,

except NFL players and
video game characters.

But I lucked out because
instead of one dad,

I got a whole gang of them.

You guys showed me what
it means to be a man.

Not just last night,
but for four years.

Even you, Blaine.

Thanks?
Let's hug it out.

Aw, yeah.
Bring it in, guys.

On hand.
All the time.

You girls wanted to see me?

We wanted the chance to say
that we're sorry,

and we had no idea.

No idea that this
was really happening

to someone we care
so much about.

And we're really proud of you

for sticking up for
yourself and getting out.

And we owe you a song.

♪ Regrets collect
like old friends ♪

♪ Here to relive ♪

♪ Your darkest moments ♪

♪ I can see no way ♪

♪ I can see no way ♪

♪ And all of the ghouls ♪

♪ Come out to play ♪

♪ Every demon wants
his pound of flesh ♪

♪ But I like to keep ♪

♪ Some things to myself ♪

♪ I like to keep
my issues drawn ♪

♪ It's always darkest ♪

♪ Before the dawn ♪

♪ And I've been a fool ♪

♪ And I've been blind ♪

♪ I can never leave
the past behind ♪

♪ I can see no way ♪

♪ I can see no way ♪

♪ I'm always dragging ♪

♪ That horse around ♪

♪ Our love is pastured ♪

♪ Such a mournful sound ♪

♪ Tonight I'm gonna
bury that horse ♪

♪ In the ground ♪

♪ 'Cause I like to keep ♪

♪ My issues drawn ♪

♪ It's always darkest ♪

♪ Before the dawn ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out,
ooh whoa ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Ooh whoa ♪

♪ And it's hard to dance ♪

♪ With a devil on your back ♪

♪ So shake him off ♪

♪ Ooh whoa ♪

♪ And it's hard to dance ♪

♪ With a devil on your back ♪

♪ And given half a chance ♪

♪ Would I take any of it back? ♪

♪ It's a fine romance ♪

♪ But it's left me so undone ♪

♪ It's always darkest ♪

♪ Before the dawn ♪

♪ Looking for heaven ♪

♪ Found the devil in me ♪

♪ Looking for heaven ♪

♪ Found the devil in me ♪

♪ But what the hell? ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it happen ♪

♪ To me... yeah ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Ooh whoa ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Shake it out ♪
♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Ooh whoa ♪

♪ And it's hard to dance ♪

♪ With a devil on your back ♪

♪ So shake him off ♪
♪ Ooh whoa ♪

♪ Oh, oh, whoa-oh-oh ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪
♪ Shake it out ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Shake...♪
♪ Ooh whoa ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Shake it out, shake it out ♪

♪ Ooh whoa ♪

♪ Ooh whoa... ♪

Thank you, Shannon.

For... giving me
a second chance.

Thank you.

Thank you, girls.

(sniffs)

You're beautiful.

Get over here.

(girls giggle)

(school bell ringing)

Can I just say, for the record,

that Carmen Tibideaux
is a total bitch.

I mean, she should've let
you start over. She did.

I mean, a second time.

You killed the beginning
of that song.

I-I wouldn't be surprised if
you got accepted just from that.

Kurt, I really appreciate what
you're trying to do, but...

we both know what happened.

All right? I had my chance,
and I choked.

I choked on a song that I've
been singing my entire life.

And now it's over, and there's
no one to blame but me.

You were amazing, though.

You were. I mean,
you went with your gut,

and-and you were better
than you've ever been.

You and Finn are gonna be
great in New York together.

Well, you're coming, too.

Of course you're coming.

Even if it doesn't work out
with NYADA, you'll find...

Could we just not talk about
this anymore, please?

It's just... I haven't...

I haven't slept
in like two days,

and I just am tired really tired
of talking about it, okay?

I love you, Rachel Berry.

I love you, too.

(Kelly Clarkson's "Cry" begins)

♪ If anyone asks ♪

♪ I'll tell them we
both just moved on ♪

♪ When people all stare ♪

♪ I'll pretend that I ♪

♪ Don't hear them talk ♪

♪ Whenever I see you ♪

♪ I'll swallow my pride ♪

♪ And bite my tongue ♪

♪ Pretend I'm okay
with it all ♪

♪ Act like there's
nothing wrong ♪

♪ Is it over yet? ♪

♪ Can I open my eyes? ♪

♪ Is this as hard as it gets? ♪

♪ Is this what it
feels like to really ♪

♪ Cry? ♪

♪ Cry ♪

♪ I'm talking in circles ♪

♪ I'm lying, they know it ♪

♪ Why won't this just ♪

♪ All go away? ♪

♪ Is it over yet? ♪

♪ Can I open my eyes? ♪

♪ Is this as hard as it gets? ♪

♪ Is this what it
feels like to really ♪

♪ Cry? ♪

♪ Cry ♪

♪ Cry... ♪

(breathing hard)