Glee (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Spanish Teacher - full transcript

Will assigns the glee club a Spanish singing assignment, and enlists the help of his musically-inclined night school teacher. Meanwhile, Rachel spills the beans to Kurt and Mercedes on Finn's marriage proposal, and Mercedes has love complications of her own.

La cucaracha!

# Oh, oh! La cucaracha,
la cucaracha #

# Hey! Hey! #

# Ya no puede caminar #

# Porque le falta #

# Porque le falta #

# Hey! Hey! #

# Marihuana que fumar #

# Yo estoy harto
de que me digan... #

I should have known by the
looks on my students' faces

that I'd really stepped in it.

My yearly rendition of "La
Cucaracha"on Taco Tuesday

used to be such a hit.

The truth is, I'm ashamed.

To be a teacher is to offer students

a gateway to the future, and I blew it.

How could I have become so out of touch?


What do you mean,
you received complaints?

- Who complained?
- I can't tell you that.

But I can tell you that
your teaching skills

have been seriously
brought into question.

Look, I-I know I'm not
a native Spanish speaker.

- Sometimes I get a little
tripped up with the...
- William.

Will you please remove
that enormous sombrero

so I can break it down for you.

As you may have heard,

our history teacher,
Mrs. Hagberg,

has been forced into retirement

due to some memory problems.

And that's how Germany
won the Second World War.

Hagberg was a tenured
teacher at this school

for over 40 years.

Her departure means there's
an open tenured position

here at McKinley.

Oh, Principal Figgins...

Emma and I just got engaged.

We'll be starting a family soon.
I need that tenure.

And I would love
to give it to you, William.

But you're only one
of several teachers

I'm considering
for this position.

And to be frank, you have
a public relations problem.

If you want the tenure,

you've got to turn it
around in the class.

How do I do that?

You're a Spanish teacher.

Maybe you should try
learning Spanish.

Senor Martinez?

You can call me David.

David, I am thrilled

that Spanish has so many
different ways to say

"to be," but right now
what I need to do

is to learn how to say,

"Stop using my toilet,"
to my maid.

I was hoping you could tell me
what the word "gordita" means.

I know we're all here
for different reasons.

Most of you need your GEDs,

some of you want to
go to Cabo San Lucas

and order like a local.

But did you know that the U.S.
Census believe that by 2030

the majority of Americans
will use Spanish

as their first language?

You're not here
learning a language.

You're here 'cause you're smart.
And you're forward thinkers.

I'm sorry. I'm trying to listen,

but you got some
beautiful teeth.

Asi que repiten conmigo.

Come on, repeat with me.

Very good. Thank you so much.

Remember, roll those "R"s.


Hey, I'm Will Schuester.

I teach Spanish here
during the day.

Can I buy you a cup of caf??


There's something kind of
fun and rebellious

about being here at night.

It's depressing.

- No offense.
- No. No, um...

Why don't you get a job
teaching regular high school?

Have you seen the news?
Budgets are being cut,

there's a hiring freeze...

You know, could you maybe
say that a little slower?

I think your accent's
throwing me off.

- W-Where you from?
- Ohio.

But my parents are from Chile,

and we only spoke Spanish
in the house, growing up.


How-how long have you been,
uh, working here?

Just a few months.
This is...

actually the beginning
of my career change.

For the last six years,
I was a tooth model.

It's like a hand model,
but with your teeth.

Man, your teeth
are really white.

Yeah, no coffee,
no cigarettes, no beets.

I was the top tooth model
in the country.

Colgate, Crest Whitestrips,

Whenever they needed a smile
for their advertisement,

they would call on
Dave Martinez.

Wow, that sounds like
a great gig.

What... why'd you stop?

Well, one day I...

I realized I was spending
so much time flossing, I...

I was missing my life.
I want to make a difference

that lasts longer
than a grin, you know?

I-I want to teach kids.

I want to give them
something useful.

Something they can...
they can take with them

their whole lives.

I want to help them
find their duende.

You know duende, right?

Of course.

Duende, yeah.

Now, you also teach
Glee Club, right?

- I do.
- You see, that's... that's inspiring.

I actually wanted to try forming
the night school Glee Club,

but meeting after school
means 2:00 in the morning.

- Ah, right.
- I love to sing.

I actually learned English
watching reruns of Solid Gold.

Wait. You're serious?

Yeah. They-they've done
studies on it.

The brain takes in information,
like a new language,

or a math equation,
much more quickly

and retains it better,
when that information

is delivered through music.

Well, there's a lot of
duende involved, too.

You know what I would do
if I was teaching Glee Club?

Latin music. Think about it.

You get those kids
singing in Spanish,

and they'll be
learning the language

without even realizing it.

Glee kids speaking Spanish

by the end of the week, it'd be
a hell of an accomplishment.

That's Teacher of the Year stuff.

Twice a day, you boys stain

your mother's drapes,
or befoul a gym sock

that has to jump from the hamper
straight into therapy.

To the clinic, n down

and put your virile
teen years to good use?

You'll have five bucks more
than when you walked in,

and the gratitude of
lonely ovaries everywhere.

But not you. You can
keep tossing your tissues

into the trash.
- I was in an accident.

Still. Same goes for you,

Let the strangeness
end with you.

What's going on, Sue?

Well, William, I'm just
trying to instill

the spirit of giving
in your students.

No, honestly, I, uh...

was a little bit dismayed
by the quality of men

holding Dixie cups
down at the sperm bank

this morning.

Zero viable options.

Looked like the cast from
Ice Road Truckers.

So I thought it'd be best
if I found a sperm donor here.

H-Hold on a second.

You're serious?

Yes, William.

I have decided to have a child.

Um, wow.

I guess I just never saw you
as the mothering type.

Well, I resent that, William.

I have a very strong
mothering instinct.

I had it with my sister.

I have it with Becky Jackson.

I like to think I play
a parenting role in her life.

And like so many women who
chose career over family,

I've decided to take my life
in a different direction

while there's still time.

Are you sure
that's even possible?

Yes, William, I am sure.

You see, I had my eggs
frozen in the late '70s.

They didn't even have that
technology in the late '70s.

I know.
I did it myself.

- Oh...
- The good people at Kroger
have been keeping a box

Of my championship ova

cooling in their meat locker.

And what with
the financial security

that will be afforded me
by the end of the week...

I am finally ready

to start a family.

Now, I don't know if
you've heard, William,

but there's a tenured position

opening up at our school.

- And I'm a shoe-in.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What makes you so sure you're
the one who's gonna get tenure?

Seniority, William.

I'm first in line, and also,
I'm a proven champion.

And now seeing as how I find
bald infants terrifying,

I'm going to need a few
ounces of your baby gravy

to ensure Sue Sylvester Jr. is
born with a full head of hair.


Principal Figgins wants to
see you in his office.

Looks like I got my tenure.

Cheerleading magazines
are right here.

Have fun.


Who's complaining about
my teaching style?

I can't tell you that, Sue.

A student who shall
remain anonymous.

Well, then, who's this?

Sue, this is the talented
and enchanting

Olympian Roz Washington.

Coach of the McKinley

synchronized swimming team.

Roz approached me with
some constructive criticism

about your lagging Cheerios!

Why should I listen
to this woman

give me notes

about my Cheerios?

Because Cheerios! didn't
win Nationals last year, Sue.

And remember, you're on my short
list for the tenured position.

And tenured teachers
are team players.

Well, let me tell you
why ticket sales are down

at sporting events.
This school got cheerleaders

doing broke-ass moves
from the 1950s.

- Hm.
- Why don't you just admit

That you're past your
competitive edge, Sue Sylvester,

and let this young

bronze-medal winner
add some crunk

to the ba-dunk-a-dunk?

All right, guys!

Let me ask you something.

Where do you think you'll
be in the year 2030?

Broadway. Twinsies!


In jail, or dead. Or both.

Wherever you are,

whatever you're doing, you're
going to need to be able

to speak Spanish.
The reality is, by 2030,

more people on this planet

will be speaking Spanish
than any other language.

The world is changing.
Our culture is changing.

And that needs to be
reflected in here.

So for our next assignment,
we're only doing songs

written or performed by someone
Latin, or of Latin descent.

Or English songs
performed bilingually.

Ooh, I'm bilingual.

Uh, Mr. Shue, though I love
that we're finally getting

all Lima Sound Machine
in here, why now?

Oh, Santana,
because it's long overdue.

The truth is,
I love all things Latin.

I mean, I love Latin food,

Latin art, Latin people...

You don't know any Latin people.

I know. Um...
Guys, this is David Martinez.

David Martinez,
this is the Glee Club.

Oh, my God.

- Cutest...


Hello, everyone.

It's a pleasure.

David here is one of my

many Latin friends.

And, uh, he's interested
in starting his own

night school Glee Club,
after hours.

So, uh, I invited him to come
watch us get our duende on.


Ugh, it means "dwarf," you ass.

Now I'm completely confused.
So what's the assignment?

To sing, in Spanish,
with duende.

Which, yes,
literally means "dwarf,"

but metaphorically, it means

to have Spanish soul.

To be filled with
Spanish passion.

Will, can I...

- ?hablar con ellos?
- That's... right.

A performance with
duende transforms you.

Makes you sing, makes you cry,
makes you laugh.

Makes you want to
kiss a person you love.

A song sung in Spanish
must have duende,

or else...

- Would you mind showing us?
- Oh dear God, please, yes.

Be my guest.

Okay. Well, I'm-I'm not a
professional like you guys,

but I'll give it a go.
- All right.

Now, guys, uh...

remember, Mr. Martinez
is here as our guest, okay?

Let's create a safe and
supportive environment.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!

(LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It"



# Cuando salgo a andar #

# The girls be looking, like,
"Ahi esta" #

# Yo se I got it aqui #

# Walking down the street
in my new La Freak, yeah #

# This is how I roll #

# Animal print pants,
fuera de control #

# And check me out
con mi big Afro #

# Y como Bruce Lee, right,
got the glow, yo #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# I-I-I work out #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# I-I-I work out #

# Cuando hago mi entrada #

- # Yeah #
- # This is what I see #

# Okay #

# Todo el mundo para
pa' mirarme a mi #

# I got passion in my pants #

# And I ain't afraid
to show it #

# Show it, show it, show it #

# I'm sexy and I know it #

# Soy sexy y lo sabes #

# Yo, vacil?n en el mall #

# Security just can't
fight them off #

# Hanging out at the beach,
I'm in a G-stro #

- # Trying to tan my cheeks #
- # What? #

# This is how I roll #

# Vamos, ladies,
it's time to go #

# Nos fuimos pa' el bar,
baby, go, look suave #

# No shoes, no shirt,
como quiera me sirven, what? #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# I-I-I work out #

- # Cuando hago mi entrada #
- # Yeah #

- # This is what I see #
- # Okay #

# Todo el mundo para
pa' mirarme a mi #

# I got passion in my pants #

# And I ain't afraid
to show it, show it, show it #

# Show it #

# I'm sexy and I know it #

# Hey #

# Check it out #

# Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,
wiggle, wiggle, yeah #

# Wiggle, wiggle,
wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah #

# Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,
wiggle, wiggle, yeah #

# Wiggle, wiggle,
wiggle, wiggle, yeah, yeah #

# Do the wiggle, man #

# Es el maneo, man #

# Yeah #

# Soy sexy y lo sabes #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# I-I-I work out #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# Girl, look at that body #

# I-I-I work out #

# I'm sexy and I know it. #


- Here's the problem: Sam and I
used to date.
- Then I moved away, and now

- I'm bunking at Finn and Kurt's.
- And I started dating

Another guy who I really like.

But then she and I kissed.

And I feel really weird
about it.

Just trying to figure out a way

to work this out without
anyone's feelings getting hurt.

Actually, you're in luck

because I just got
my new series of pamphlets

back from the printer,
which uniquely address

the modern-day issues
of today's 21st century teen.

Yes. Okay.


"So You're a Two-Timin' Ho"?

"So You're Dating
a Two-Timin' Ho."

Right? They get
your attention, don't they?

I mean, that... that really
makes you want to read on.

Miss Pillsbury,
I don't sleep around.

That's not me.

- Okay.
- I'm just trying to listen to my heart,

And it's like I can't hear
what it's trying to tell me.

Well, if you really want
to listen,

then you need to stop talking.

I'm serious.

You know, there's a lot
of communication

in your lives these days.

With texting and IM'ing
and Facebooking,

I mean, you don't have
any quiet time

with yourselves
to make informed decisions

on... on your true feelings.

For instance.

Sam just tweeted
that I smell good.

I won't stop
till it's trending.

This is my point.

I think that you and Sam
should spend a week

not speaking to each other.

No e-mails, no texts, nothing.

And I think,
at the end of that week,

you'll have
a much better idea of what

your true feelings are.

Shh, shh. No. No.

Starting... starting...



Not speaking.

# Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo #

# Like dang diggy diggy
d-dang a-dang dang #

# Diggy dang a-diggy
d-dang dang #

# Diggy diggy diggy
d-dang a-dang dang #

# Diggy dang a-diggy
d-dang dang #

# Dang diggy diggy
d-dang a-dang dang #

# Diggy dang a-diggy
d-dang dang #

# Dang diggy diggy d-dang #

# Dang diggy diggy
d-dang. #

All right, ladies.

Go run and find a swimming hole
to dunk those behinds in

'cause those donkey
booties need to cool off.

Now, I ain't no mind reader,
Sue Sylvester,

and I came from
a very superstitious household

where such things
are not allowed,

but I got a feeling
that those Cheerios!

Like my modern dance moves
a little bit better

than them old stale
white-bread routines

you've been making them do.

You know, Roz,

the English language
lacks the requisite words

to express just how much
I dislike you.

And I'm onto you.

Yeah, I've seen All About Eve.

I know what you're planning.

You're waiting for me to
take maternity leave,

and then you're going to swoop
in and try to steal my job.

Hold up. Hold up.
Hold up. Wait.

Oh, my God. Hold up.

Maternity leave?

Are you pulling my leg?

No, I am not.

I am getting pregnant,
and then I am having a baby.

With whose vagina?

Sue, you can't have no baby.

You are old as a hill.

You ain't gonna
give birth to no child.

You gonna give birth
to a grandchild.

You gonna get in them stirrups,

and you gonna push and push,

and a full-grown adult
gonna pop out

with a briefcase and a job
talking on a cell phone.

And by the way, I don't need

to steal your job,
Sue Sylvester.

You know why?

Principal Figgins
is gonna give it to me.

He wouldn't.

Oh, he would.

You see, a long time ago,

you won some trophies.

And that was real impressive.

I, however, am an Olympian.

I won this bronze
damn Olympic medal

in Beijing, China.

I had noodles with the president

and a threesome
with Michael Phelps.

What you need to do

is wake up
and smell the menopause.

You are... a coach,

and all the hormones
in Thailand

can't change the fact
that you are done as a woman.

What you need to do
is start praying

that you give birth to a child

that likes to eat sand,

'cause that's all that's coming
out those old, wrinkly boobs.

I can do this.

I can do anything.

How is the girl with no ass
supposed to choose

between the juiced-up wolf
and the depressed vampire?

She's into both of them.

Oh, come on, Mercedes.
She just knows.

But what if they both
make her feel amazing

in different ways?

Well, you don't get to choose

when it comes to true love.

True love chooses you.

And you better be certain
when it comes to marriage

because marriage is promise,

and it lasts for forever.

Ladies, I appreciate you
spending time

with me while Blaine recovers,

but why are you being
so weird and serious?

Our periods don't come
until the end of the month.

Can you guys keep a secret?

Rachel, what the hell is that?

It's an engagement ring.

Shut up!

Finn proposed.

- And what did you say?
- I said yes.

Rachel, have you lost
your damn mind?

But I love Finn.
I really, really love him.

- But what about NYADA?
- It's still going to happen.

I have dreams for a huge life

for myself, okay,
some of which include,

you know, a little bit
of struggle

until I can make all
of my dreams come true.

They'll be great anecdotes
for the Jimmy Kimmel show.

I'll call them
my Top Ramen weeks.

But in every single
one of my dreams...

okay, struggling or not...
there he is.


Look, I know that I
am going to be with Finn

for the rest of my life,
just as much as I know

that I am going to be
a huge star one day.

So you promise
not to tell anyone?

Okay, I'm going home right now
to yell at Finn,

because this is insane.

That is not fair, Kurt.
I mean, what would

you do if Blaine proposed
to you today?

So will you please
keep my secret?

Aren't you scared
you're making the wrong choice?

Look, I know that I have
the right person.

Scary part was just...
choosing to know it.

(Gloria Estefan's
"Don't Wanna Lose You" begins)

# Sometimes it's hard #

# To make things clear #

# Or know when
to face the truth #

# And I know #

# That the moment is here #

# So open your eyes #

# And see who I am #

# And not who you want #

# For me to be #

# I am only myself #

# Myself #

# Si voy a perderte ya #

# Que sea por vez final #

# Si voy a perderte ya #

# Si voy a perderte #

# Voy a perderte #

# Ya... #

# Yeah #

# No, no vuelvas #

# No, no vuelvas #

# No vuelvas #

# Si voy a perderte #

# Ya. #

(Gipsy Kings' "Bamboleo" begins)

# Este amor llega as?
de esta manera #

# No tiene la culpa #

# Caballo de danza vana #

# Porque muy despreciado #

# Por eso #

# No te perdona de llorar #

# Este amor llega as?
de esta manera #

# No tiene la culpa #

# Amor de comprementa #

# Amor del pasado #

# Bembele, bembele, bembele #

# Bem, bembele, bembele #

# Bamboleo, bambolea #

# Porque mi vida,
yo la prefiero vivir asi #

# Bamboleo! #

# Bambolea! #

# Porque mi vida,
yo la prefiero vivir asi #

# Would you dance
if I asked you to dance? #

# Would you run
and never look back? #

# Would you cry
if you saw me crying? #

# And would you save
my soul tonight? #

# I can be your hero, baby #


# I can kiss away the pain #


# I will stand by you forever #


# You can take my breath away #

#You can take my breath away#

# I can be your hero. #

Guys, that was some
muy serious footwork!

Muy means "very."

I was in it mostly
for the boots.

Yeah, what's the deal
with those boots? Because wow.

They're Mexican hipster boots.
It's kind of like a fad

for groups of guys that are into
dance music,

and we're kind of like
a dance crew.

Senor Martinez
told us about it.

The teeth, the duende,

the bizarre Mexican fads.
Senor Martinez is, like,

the best Spanish teacher ever.

I can't wait to see your
performance, Mr. Shue.

My performance?

Yeah, to defend
your Spanish teacher honor.

I'm sure you have
something muy amazing planned.

I take it Will told you.

Yes. Will tells me everything.

It is so inappropriate for you
to ask him to father your child.

Have a seat,
Lady Bird Hollow Pelvis.

And be careful,
those chairs are hard.

I know how fragile
your bones are.

Okay, look, I know how it feels
to want

to start a family.

I want to have a baby, too.

I wouldn't get your hopes up.

I doubt your avian frame
could withstand

the rigors of childbirth.

Okay, just tell me, why Will?

You hate him.
You've made that very clear.

Well, In case you haven't
noticed, Deena,

I have a little bit
of a mean streak.

I'm cunning, I'm vindictive,
I spend a large portion

of every day vibrating
with a palpable sense

of wild, irrational rage.

And I don't ever want my kid
to feel that.

And every time I've
insulted Will

or tried to stop him
in his crusade

to ruin pop culture
by wiping his woolly behind

with the American songbook,

he's always risen up
and met me with kindness.

If goodness
and optimism are
somehow genetic,

that's what I want
for my child.

He isn't gonna do it, is he?

I prefer to let him
tell you that.

I'm really sorry, Sue.

You know, for what it's worth,

I... I think you should have
a child.

I think it'd be
really good for you.

Hey, dude.
You want to lift some?

No, thanks.

I've never really understood
the whole process.

Plus, I do The Tracey Anderson

in the comfort and privacy
of my own bedroom.


Why don't you pick up these?

They're from
Mrs. Pillsbury.

College brochures.
What do you got?

Fordham, NYU, Adelphi.

That one's in Long Island.

Yeah, there's a train
station right next to the campus

right into Manhattan.

I think they have
a football team.

I think they all have musical
theater programs, too.

That's sweet, dude,
but you know,

college isn't for everyone.

Neither is marriage.

I can't believe she told you.

I can't believe you didn't.
We're supposed to be brothers.

Look, I didn't want
to put you in

an awkward position
with Burt, okay?

I don't want him to know yet.

Hey, you think something

you have to keep
from everyone you love

might not be the best idea in
the first place?

Don't get down on me
about this, dude.

Rachel's, like, the only good
thing I've got going

in my life right now.

No, she isn't, Finn.

Look, I get you've had a rough
year with finding out

who your dad really is and-and
losing the scholarship,

but you're a star, Finn,
just as bright as Rachel.

You just don't
believe in yourself.

Yeah, well, the proof's in
the pudding, okay?

And my pudding
pretty much sucks.

Look, I'm not telling you that
you shouldn't marry Rachel.

I love her despite
all of her crazy,

and I think that you'd be
lucky to marry her... one day.

But I don't want you just to
turn yourself into nothing

but the guy who holds her purse
on the red carpet.

Look, I'm getting to the
point in my life where

I kind of need to be honest with
myself about who I am.

And who is that?

Not you.

Not Rachel.

That's the point, Finn.

There are plenty
of us, trust me.

The one thing that Glee Clubs
and theater programs don't have

is the hot, straight football
player who can sing

and sort of dance.
You're unique, Finn.

And I can't see this proposal
thing as anything else

but you giving up on yourself.

No, no, it's not.

At least I don't...
I don't think it is.

Your time isn't up, Finn.

It's just beginning.

Hey, Kurt.


Hold it right there, Sandbags.

You and I need to
have a serious chat.

Now I realize
when I chose Becky

as co-captain for
the Cheerios!

It might have rubbed
you the wrong way.


And I've often admired
the craven heartlessness

of your pointless,
vindictive back-stabbing.

Kind of takes me back
to the old salad days.

But you crossed the Maginot Line

when you started messing with
Sue Sylvester's family.

What are you talking about?
What family?

You lodged a complaint
about my teaching tactics

with Principal Figgins,
possibly derailing my bid

for tenure just when I'm trying
to have a baby!

A baby? With whose vagina?

Hey, what is going on here?

Coach Sylvester is accusing me
of something I didn't do.

Oh, stop with the lies, sweater
meat, or you will be hawking

nude glossies of yourself behind
the Dumpster of Hooters

by the weekend.

I know you did this!

Sue, enough!

No one messes with my family.
No one.

Oh, and you can rest your fetid,
woolly head, William.

I don't need
your baby spunk anymore.

Got myself another donor.
And a much better one.


I just got my new pamphlets
back from the printer.

I am feeling so
Stephen King with
these things lately.

You know, just so prolific.

That's great, Em,
but I really need

to translate this song
for my big number tomorrow.

It's my last chance to wow
the kids with my espanol.

By the end of the week, I need

every single one of those kids
begging Figgins

to give me that tenure spot.

Conversaci?n. Of course.

"Conversation" in Spanish is

Do you realize how important
this tenure is for us,

if we want to start a family?

It means we will
always be able to feed our kids,

get them health insurance.

Emma, enough!

Can't you see I'm doing
this to take care of you?

Okay, I think I can
take care of myself.

You know what, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to show
you my new pamphlets.

I'm really proud of them.

They're silly, Emma.
I'm sorry, I love you,

but do you really think
the kids take them seriously?

Okay, you know what?
I know that the titles are
silly; that's the point.

Sometimes you have to
be a little provocative

if you want to get
teenagers' attention.

They're conversaci?n starters.

And you're being really mean.

You got a pamphlet for that?

Emma, I'm sorry.

Emma, wait.

(Madonna's "La Isla Bonita"

# ?Como puede ser verdad? #

# Last night I dreamt
of San Pedro #

# Just like I'd never gone,
I knew the song #

# A young girl with eyes
like the desert #

# It all seems like yesterday,
not far away #

# Tropical the island breeze #

# All of nature wild and free #

# This is where I long to be #

# La isla bonita #

# And when the samba played #

# The sun would set so high #

# Ring through my ears
and sting my eyes #

# Your Spanish lullaby #

# I fell in love
with San Pedro #

Mr. Shue, what's
with the shiny coat?

I thought you were Kurt.

I'm an authentic
Spanish matador.

# Te dijo te amo #

# I prayed that the days
would last, they went so fast #

# Tropical the island breeze #

# All of nature wild and free #

# This is where I long to be #

# La isla bonita #

# And when the samba played #

# The sun would set so high #

# Ring through my
ears and sting my eyes #

# Your Spanish lullaby #

# Yo quiero estar donde
el sol toca el cielo #

# Cuando es hora de siesta #

# Tu los puedes ver pasar #

# Caras tan bellas #

# Se importan nada #

# Where a girl loves a boy,
and a boy #

# Loves a girl #

#Ah, ah, ah, ah#

# Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh #

- # Hey #
- # Your Spanish lullaby #

# Tropical the island breeze #

# All of nature wild and free #

# This is where I long to be #

# La isla bonita #

# And when the samba played #

# The sun would set so high,
ring through my ears #

# And sting my eyes #

# Your Spanish lullaby #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah #

# Bop-bop-bop bop-ba #

# Ooh #

# Oooh, yeah #

# La isla bonita #

# La isla #

# Bonita #

# Bonita, bonita #

# Your Spanish lullaby #

Ladies and gentlemen,

David Martinez.

Santana, fant?stico.

David, I'm just

a little... I don't know...

confused about
your participation here.

And, hey, wasn't
that number fantastic

and truly authentic?

Thank you very much, everyone.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a stack of

night school exams on my desk

that won't grade themselves,
so buenas noches.

Muchas gracias.


Well, Mr. Shue,
the floor is all yours.

- I'm excited.
- Yay, Mr. Shue.

- Really, I'm excited.
- Mr. Shue, you got this!



# A little less conversation,
a little more action, please #

# All this aggravation
ain't satisfactioning me #

# A little more bite,
a little less bark #

# A little less fight,
a little more spark #

# Close your mouth
and open up your heart #

# And baby, satisfy me #

# Satisfy me, baby #

# Vamos ir a los dos
escuchar la musica #

# Y viajar por la brisa
de verano #

# Que buenisima la noche
ya te ensene como salga #

# Andale, muchacha, ven,
rel?jate #

# Menos conversaci?n y mas
accion, por favor #

# Este agravamiento no me
satisface a mi #

# A little more bite,
a little less bark #

# A little less fight,
a little more spark #

# No hablas mas y abre tu
corazon y satisfaceme #

# Satisfaceme, bebe #

# Come on, baby,
I'm tired of talking #

# Grab your coat
and let's start walking #

# A little less conversation,
a little more action, please #

# All this aggravation
ain't satisfactioning me #

# A little more bite,
a little less bark #

# A little less fight,
a little more spark #

# Shut your mouth
and open up your heart #

# And, baby, satisfy me #

# Satisfy me, baby #

# Menos conversaci?n y mas
accion, por favor #

Hey! Muchas gracias.

It was you.

You're the one who complained
to Principal Figgins about me.

Yeah, and I'd do it all over
again after that performance.

You're messing with
adult things here, Santana.

This is my job.
This is my life.

And this is my education,
and it's not a joke to me,

although it seems
to be one to you.

What are you talking about?
They all loved my performance.

Because they don't know
any better.

It's your fault.

You're their teacher.

You went from "La Cucaracha"

to a bullfighting mariachi.

Why don't you just

dress up as
the Taco Bell Chihuahua

and bark the theme song
to Dora the Explorer?

You don't even know enough
to be embarrassed

about these stereotypes
that you're perpetuating.

- That's not fair.
- Isn't it?

What did you want to be
when you grew up?

Why did you become
a Spanish teacher, Mr. Shue?


it was the only teaching
position open at the time.

I want to remind you
of something that

an amazing teacher
once taught me:

Without passion,
you can't succeed.

Who taught you that?

You did.

And you do.

When you teach Glee.

I'm telling you,
there's no word but "genius."

I wouldn't call it that.

What's genius?
My plan for Regionals?

No. Your lil'
punkin's pamphlets.

"Taint Misbehavin'."


It's all about the importance

of thoroughly washing
your jockstrap.

Hey, bub,

MRSA bacteria infection
is no laughing matter.

No matter how much I talked

to my guys about
the steamy lurking dangers,

nobody cared.

Until Emma found a way
to get through to them.

Come on, guys!

Why, just last week,
three Fort Wayne gymnasts

had to have
their junk amputated!

I stopped washing down there
'cause it seemed kind of gay.

I thought that's what the hair
was for: catching the dirt.

Huh. Lift and scrub.

Who knew it was so easy?

And now their kibbles
and bits are

as clean as a little
angel's tear.

And when I showed that
to my Cooter,

not only did he order
10,000 copies for Ohio State,

he got every team in the Big Ten
to order copies, too.

- Wow, that's...
- It's genius!

I have never met a
teacher whose passion

literally saves lives.

Aren't you proud of her, Will?



Genius! You!


And the award for
Best Conjugator goes to

Senora Stephanie.

Thank you, Senor Martinez.

And thanks to you,
Claudia knows now

to go before she comes to work.

Now finally, Most Improved:

Will Schuester.

- Wow.
- Come on, man!


Wow, I...


Fue un ano maravilloso.

It was a beautiful
year, everyone.

- Gracias.
- Hey, de nada.


Your teeth are like
fresh-driven snow white.

Like Larry Bird white.

Most Improved.

I don't think that's the award
a Spanish teacher wants to get

in Spanish class.

Will, man, you work hard,
you take care of your kids.

They're very lucky
to have you, man.

They deserve better.

They deserve you.

Oh, so when do I start?

How about Monday?

I spoke to Figgins.

I had all the kids go in
and talk to him, as well.

They all want to take Spanish
if you're the teacher.

What, he's offering me a job?


During the day?

I hope you're not a vampire.

Oh, man.


Oh, man, you don't...
you don't understand.

My-My parents,

my parents were immigrants.

And they had to lie
about their citizenship

to go to high school.

And now I'm teaching it.

It's the American Dream, right?


But what about you?

Oh, there's-there's an opening
in the History department.

I've always loved history.

Well, the History Channel,
at least.

- Right.
- Maybe I'll find my duende there.

No, I've seen you, I've seen you
teach Glee Club, man.

You have duende coming
out of your orejas.

- Ears.
- Ears, right.

I got you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

So, wait a minute, who ended up
getting the tenure position?

Thank you, Becky.

My online pharmacist
has recommended these

fertility injections every day,
twice a day,

until Little Susie
or Little Sylvester catches.

You down with that?

No problem, Coach.

What's wrong?

Coach, I have
a confession to make.

Take a seat.

Now, if this is about

the complaint you lodged against
me with Principal Figgins,

I already know.

You do, Coach?

Oh, Becky, I've known

ever since
I tinker-tailor-soldier-spied

my way into Figgins's
file cabinet and read

the evaluation cards.

And when I saw one

written in crayon,
I knew it was either

you or Brittany,
and you're the better speller.

Coach, I'm sorry.

I was just looking out
for the team.

Did you mean what you wrote?

That you're worried I'm not
as focused on the Cheerios!

As I used to be?

Well, then you don't
need be sorry.

And thank you for the feedback.

You're not mad?

No, Becky.

But impending motherhood
doth given me perspective.

Oh, Becky, I'm reminded

my girls,

destroying my enemies.

Motherhood's not gonna
change that.

If anything, it makes me
want them far more.

You're an excellent
co-captain, Becky.

You're like me.

Not afraid to make
the tough calls.


You're gonna be a great mom.

There you are, baby.
You ready?

For lunch.

We're going
off-campus, right?

Hey, Sam.

What's all this?

"So You Were A Jerk
To Your Fiance."

Not particularly clever,
but I appreciate your pith.

I Love You."

These are wonderful.

They're wonderful.

A little myopic maybe,
but a great first effort.

I'm so proud of you.

So do I call you Professor
or Madam or what?

I'm not sure of
the protocol here.

No, no, no, it's just tenure.

You can call me Emma.

Or sweetheart
or cutie pie or doll-face.

- Or Professor Doll-Face.
- Ooh.

I like Professor Doll-Face.

My first marriage didn't
work out because my wife

didn't believe in me.

And then I go and pull
the same crap on you.

All I know is that right now,
in this moment,

I just want it to stop.

I want to sit here, eat
some chicken and look back on

everything you've done
to get to this moment

and everything I'm going to do
from this moment on

to make sure you feel...
as special... and amazing

as I know you are.