Glee (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 11 - Michael - full transcript

In a special episode celebrating the music of Michael Jackson, the rivalry between New Directions and the Warblers intensifies en route to Regionals. Meanwhile, Kurt and Rachel receive news regarding their admissions process at NYADA, and things continue to heat up between Sam and Mercedes.

Admit it, Wonder twins,
the only reason why the New Direction

beat the Trouble Tones at Sectionals

is because that pervy clown judge

was freaking high as a kite.

And we did Michael Jackson.
You guys didn't.

That was weeks ago.
Why are you still obssessing?

- One word, Curt. Michael.
- Guys, fear not.

The world tour of the Cirque du Soleil
tribute show, Immortal, to Michael Jackson

is coming to Columbus in June.
We should all go.

You don't get it. I don't want to see
the spectacle that is Michael.

I want to be the spectacle.



- Everything okay? - Look, we love being
back in New Direction, but...

- We hate that we missed our chance
this year to do Michael. - Yeah, I get it.

And I've been thinking a lot about
Regionals and...

maybe we can do Michael again.

I for one know exactly what song
we should start Michael with.

Okay, it's been exactly 3 days to
the minute since I proposed to you

which is the amount of
time you said you needed

before you'd give me an answer.

Look, this isn't the kind of decision

you can make on a deadline.

Look, I understand,
you said you needed

some time, but...
not hearing a decision's

kind of bumming me out.

No. Look...



I love you, okay?

And... I want to
marry you someday,

and... I, really,
I'm open to anything.

This is all just happening so fast,

and I don't understand it.

I mean, I... I need you
to help me understand.

Okay, well,

even if you don't get into NYADA,

you're still gonna go to New York.

Yes, and I want you to come with me.
And I will,

but... we're crazy if we think
that it's gonna be easier

to be a couple there than it is here.

My point is that

those rings are-are...

will always be a reminder

of exactly how we feel right now.

They're gonna let us take a piece of
our little world into the big city.

Look, that's really romantic,

but I have to be honest-- this all
just sounds really crazy to me, okay?

I don't need to marry you to keep from
straying-- you're the only guy for me.

Okay, I guess...
my answer for now is...

No, no, don't...
don't say anything.

You're right, we shouldn't make this
kind of a decision on a deadline.

Just, uh...

take a couple more days, okay?

Okay, favorite
Michael Jackson memory. Go.

When I was one, my mom showed me the
VHS tape of his Motown special,

and when he did the
moonwalk across the stage

for the first time in history,
I uttered my first words:

"Hot damn." I owe the King of
Pop a deep debt of gratitude.

He was the first one to pull off
the sequined military jacket,

long before one Kurt Hummel
made it iconic.

I have to be honest--
I never really got him.

And we are no longer
on speaking terms.

No, I think he's
an amazing performer, but I've

never really
just got what he was about.

Rachel, he was best friends with
Liza Minnelli and Liz Taylor.

No, all I'm saying is that
I-I just... I haven't connected

with him the way that
I have with the likes of Barbra

or either of the Stephens.

Sondheim. Schwartz.

I'd throw this mocha in your face,

but it's not nearly scalding enough.

Okay, but just, since you guys
are so jazzed about him,

I think it's a good idea.

Well, that might not be the best idea.

Hey, Blaine.
Hello, everyone else.

Does he live here or something?
Seriously, you are always here.

Why don't you think
that's a good idea?

Because we're doing MJ for Regionals.

You see, Warblers drew first position,

so as soon as I heard what

your plan was, I changed
our set list accordingly.

I'm sorry, how...
how did you hear?

Uh, Blaine told me this morning.

I just called for a tip on how to get

red wine out
of my blazer piping, and he

would not stop going on about it.

I may have mentioned it.

How often do you talk?
Oh, my God, hey, Kurt.

I didn't recognize you.

You are wearing boy clothes for once.

All right, twink,

I think it's time that I show you

a little Lima Heights hospitality.

Unless you want to join
your relatives in prison,

that's probably not the best idea.

You see, my dad is sort of what
you'd call a state's attorney.

But if you had a pi?ata
you wanted delivered,

I bet he could make
sure that got to them.

All right, so here's
what you guys should know.

I am captain of the Warblers now,

and I'm tired of playing nice.

There has to be some kind

of show choir competition
committee we can complain to.

I know it sucks, guys, but
it's not the end of the world.

Heck, you had your set list
stolen the day of the competition

at Sectionals, and you
pulled that one off, right?

Well, they can have our
Journey and our Dreamgirls,

but pilfering my Michael, mm-mm,
that's another level, not okay.

I'm not exactly comfortable having this
conversation with Blaine in the room.

Clearly, once a Warbler,
always a Warbler.

Uh, wh-what? Dude, you told
them what we were gonna do.

You're like a modern-day
Eggs Benedict. He's on notice

as far as I'm concerned.

We should all
be on notice. I mean,

next to Vocal Adrenaline, the Warblers

are the best Glee Club in the state,

and for a lot of us, this is
our last shot at a championship,

so we should stop complaining

about the Warblers
and figure out how to beat them.

I couldn't have said it
better myself, Finn.

I'm less worried about
our set list right now

and more interested in getting
us in the right mindset

to crush those guys.

Which is why our
lesson for the week is...

What Would Michael Jackson Do?

He'd fight back.

He'd say Regionals is ours,
MJ is ours,

and if they want it, they can pry it

from o sequin-gloved hand.
Mm-hmm. Straight up.

In 1983, MTV said they wouldn't
air his "Billie Jean" video.

What'd he do?
He fought back.

They aired it, and the Thriller album

sold an additional ten million copies.

That's right.
I know what Michael would do.

I think he would take it
to the streets.

Well... we're here.

We got something to settle.

Both of us want to use MJ,

but only one can.
We're having

a Jackson-off,
Nick at Nite.

Winner gets
the King of Pop for Regionals.

What, us against...
the two of you?

You really think you're that bad?

Is that what they teach you

at that little public school of yours?

It's time to see who's bad.

# Ba, ba, ba, ba #

# Dow, dow, dow,
dow-dow #

# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #

# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #

# Dow, dow, dow... #

# Your butt is mine

# Gonna take you right

# Just show your face

# In broad daylight

# I'm telling you

# On how I feel

# Gonna hurt your mind

# Don't shoot to kill

# Come on

# Come on, lay it on me

# All right

# Dow, dow, dow,
dow-dow #

# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #

# Your lyin' eyes

# Gonna take you right

# So listen up

# Don't make a fight

# Your talk is cheap

# You're not a man

# You're throwing stones

# To hide your hands

# Well, they say
the sky's the limit #

# And to me that's really true

# But, my friends,
you have seen nothing #

# Just wait till I get through,
because I'm bad #

# Bad, bad #
# I'm bad

# Really, really bad #
# Come on

# You know I'm bad, I'm bad
# Bad, bad #

# Really, really bad #
# You know it

# You know I'm bad
# Bad, bad #

# Really, really bad #
# Come on, you know

# And the whole world
has to answer right now #

# Just to tell you once again,
who's bad! #

# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #

# Dow, dow, dow #

# Dow-dow, dow, dow, dow... #

# Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh #

# Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh #

# Oh, oh, oh, oh... #

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh #

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... #

# Oh... #

# Oh... #

# Yeah! #
# 'Cause I'm bad, I'm bad

# Bad, really, really bad #
# Come on

# You know I'm bad, I'm bad
# Bad, bad #

# Really, really bad #
# You know it, you know

# And the whole world
has to answer right now #

# Just to tell you once again #

# You know I'm bad, I'm bad
# Bad, bad #

# You know it
# Really, really bad #

# And the whole world
has to answer right now #

# Just to tell you
once again, who's bad! #

Oh, my God!

How is he?
Is he okay?

Uh, it's his right eye.

Uh, the doctor says that
his cornea is deeply scratched

and he has to have surgery.

In all my years as
a teacher and a student,

I have never known a slushee

to do that kind of damage.

That's 'cause it wasn't
a normal slushee, Mr. Shue.

There was... stuff in it,
rocks or something.

He wanted to do that damage.

Well, unless you have proof that
he tampered with the slushee

the police aren't interested
in getting involved.

Sebastian is evil.

He needs to be expelled.

Look, Figgins and I spoke
to Dalton's headmaster.

They're opening up an investigation.

So, guys, I'm telling you,

please let the system handle this one.

No. Dalton's old-school, Mr.
Shue-- they're not gonna turn their backs

on one of their own-- we need payback.
An eye for an eye.

No. I have a zero-tolerance
policy for violence,

of any kind.

That's not how we do things.

No, we sing, and
that's all we ever do.

Do you want to get
disqualified from Regionals?

I don't give a damn about Regionals.

What do you expect
from us? We're people.

I know the rest of the world

may not see us like that,
but when they tease us

and throw stuff at us

and toss us in Dumpsters

and tell us that we're
nothing but losers

with stupid dreams, it freaking hurts.

And we're supposed to
turn the other cheek

and be the bigger man
by telling ourselves

that those dreams and how hard we work

make us better than them,

but it gets pretty damn hard to feel

that way when they always get to win.

I get how upsetting this is for you.

No, you don't,

and don't give me any of
that "it gets better" crap

because I'm not interested
in it getting any better.

I want it to be better,
like, right now.

I want to hurt them
the way they hurt us.

No, worse.

I want them to feel my pain

because frankly that's
all I have left to give.

Artie, take a break.

We'll be here when you get back.

Who's with me?

# Hee

# Hee

# I'm tired of injustice

# I'm tired of the schemes

# It's kind of disgusting

# So what does it mean, Daddy?

# You're kickin' me down,
I got to get up #

# As jacked as it sounds,
the whole system sucks, Daddy #

# Hoo-hoo #

# I peek in the shadow
# Hoo-hoo #

# I come into the light
# Hoo-hoo #

# But you tell me I'm wrong
# Hee-hee #

# Then you better prove you're right #

# You're sellin' out souls,
but... I care about mine #

# I've got to get stronger
and I won't give up the fight #

# With such confusion don't it
make you wanna scream? #

# Make you wanna scream #

# Your bash abusin' victimizin'
with the scheme #

# You try to cope with every lie
they scrutinize #

# Somebody please have mercy

# 'Cause I just can't take it

# Stop pressurin' me,
just stop pressurin' me #

# Just stop pressurin' me

# Make me wanna scream

# Just stop pressurin' me,
just stop pressurin' me #

# Just stop pressurin' me

# You make me wanna scream

# Oh, my God, can't believe what
I saw as I turned on the TV #

# This evening

# I was disgusted
by all the injustice #

# All the injustice

# Yeah, yeah

# Baby
# Whoo

# Stop pressurin' me

# Stop your pressure #
# Just stop pressurin' me

# Stop your pressure #
# Just stop pressurin' me #

# You know you really make me wanna #
# You make me wanna scream #

# Just stop pressurin' me
# Hee-hee #

# Just stop pressurin' me
# Stop your pressure #

# Yeah, yeah

# You make me wanna scream
# Baby #

# Stop pressurin' me
# Got to do it #

# Just stop pressurin' me
# Stop your pressure #

# Just stop pressurin' me

# You make me wanna scream.

Artie? Artie.

I think I better roll away.

Hey.

Look, I need your advice,

all right, about,
about an adult problem.

Holy crap, are you pregnant? No.

Look, I'm, I'm coming
to you as a friend

and, oddly, because I also think

that you're the only
person that'll give me

just a, a straightforward

and a thoughtful answer about this.

You're right, I'm sorry.

Yes, I can keep a secret.

Okay... well, um...

Finn asked me to marry him.

What did you say?

I said I-I needed
to think about it.

Well, you can't.

Why?

I mean, plenty of people

get married at our age,
and, I mean, I know that

he and I haven't lived together
or anything,

but, you know, I love him
and he's the one, I know it.

What's this?

My ticket out of here.

I got into Yale, early admissions.

Turns out my essay
about overcoming adversity

while maintaining
a straight-A average

during a teen pregnancy
really turned on

the admissions boards.

Quinn, that's amazing.

That's so great.

That's great.

I'm sure you'll get
your NYADA one soon.

Oh, yeah, I mean, New York mail

is notoriously slow, so it's...

My point being is that

I've dated Finn, Puck, Sam.

Even thought I loved some of them,

but by the time

the snow falls in New Haven
next winter, I won't know why.

So are, are you saying that
Finn and I should break up?

I'm all for making the most
of the next few months,

but I'd hate the idea

o-of dragging
an anchor from my past

into the bright lights of my future.

Rachel, you have
an amazing life ahead of you.

As hard as it may be,

if you want everything
that you've ever dreamed of,

you're going to have
to break up with him.

That's an awful thing to say. Look,

you wanted straight and thoughtful.

I guess at one point

it made sense to love somebody
for your whole life,

but it doesn't anymore.

Women are finding themselves
in their 30s now.

Every magazine says it.
We hardly know

what we're going to want in 15 years.

I mean, Finn and I--
we can grow together.

Look, Rachel... you and Finn
are a lovely couple.

But if you really want to be happy,

you're going to have
to say good-bye.

# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh #

# Never can say good-bye

# Say good-bye #
# No, no, no, no, now

# Never can say good-bye
# Say good-bye #

# Even though the pain
and heartache #

# Seems to follow me
wherever I go #

# Though I try and try
to hide my feelings #

# They always seem to show

# Then you try to say
you're leaving me #

# And I always have to say no

# Tell me why

# Tell me why #

# Is it so?

# Is it so? #

# Don't wanna let you go

# I never can say
good-bye, boy #

# Never can say good-bye, boy #

# Ooh, baby
# Don't wanna let you go, boy #

# I never can say good-bye
# No, no, no, no, no, no #

# No, no, no #
# Ooh

# Oh, I never can say
good-bye, boy #

# Never can say good-bye, boy #

# Ooh, baby
# Don't wanna let you go, boy #

# I never can say good-bye
# No, no, no, no, no, no #

# No, no, no #
# Ooh

# Never can say good-bye

# Say good-bye, boy #

# I keep thinkin'
that our problems #

# Soon are all gonna work out

# But there's
that same unhappy feeling #

# And there's that anguish,
there's that doubt #

# It's the same old
dizzy hang-up #

# Can't do with you or without

# Tell me why

# Tell me why #

# Is it so?
# Is it so? #

# Don't wanna let you go

# I never can say
good-bye, boy #

# Never can say good-bye, boy #
# Ooh, baby

# I never can say good-bye
# No, no, no, no, no, no #

# No, no, no #
# Ooh

# Oh, I never can say
good-bye, boy #

# Never can say good-bye, boy #

# Ooh, baby

# I never can say good-bye
# No, no, no, no, no, no #

# No, no, no #

# Never, never, never,
never, never, never, never #

# I never can say
good-bye, boy #

# I got to have ya

# I never can say
good-bye to you #

# Oh... yeah, yeah, yeah

# Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow, Quinn, that was incredible.

Even more incredible is her big news.

Tell them.

I got into Yale.

Yale.

Whoo!

It's just--
it-it's amazing.

After everything you've been through,

you really deserve this, Quinn.

We are so proud

of you, Quinn.

I want to thank you guys...

because without each
and every one of you,

this would have never happened.

You supported me and loved me

through all the drama, and
that's why I'm standing here.

I wasted so much time hating myself

for the stupid mistakes that I made,

but the truth is, is that

without all of those,

I never would have dreamed this
to be my future.

I was the only one standing
in the way of myself.

You can't change your past...

but you can let go
and start your future.

Yale, yeah.

Yale!
Oh, my God!

Hey, what are you doing?

Trying to keep the flames

from shooting
out of the side of my face.

Well, that outfit isn't helping.

I agree with Artie.

I'm tired of being
stepped on all the time.

I take a lot of crap from
a lot of people, but I refuse

to take it from Sebastian
the Criminal Chipmunk,

so I've been sitting here
for the last hour,

making a list of ways
to get back at him.

Well, today is your lucky
day, because Auntie Snixx

just arrived on the Bitchtown Express.

Now, my suggestion is that we drag him

bound and gagged to a tattoo parlor

for a tramp stamp that
reads "Tips Appreciated" or

"Congratulations, You're
My 1,000th Customer!"

After what he did to Blaine,
I really wanted

to hurt him.

But I can't.

I've fought against violence
at this school for too long.

I, I have to take the high road.

You know what, Prancy Smurf?

I respect that.

You're probably right.
I want to go to a college

that isn't a FEMA trailer
in a prison yard,

so let's take the high road.

We're not going to beat
Sebastian by playing dirty...

but we are going to beat him.

You know why I like this
week's assignment so much?

Hands down, without a doubt,
one of my favorite singers

of all time is Michael Jackson.

Listen, if I have to hawk

my weave on eBay, I'm going to see

the Immortal tour
when it comes to Ohio.

Speaking of immortal...

Since we're gonna be seeing
your name up in lights

for the rest of our lives, I thought

we might as well start today.

Sam Evans,

you are crazy.

Crazy about you.

You know, we've never
sang a duet together.

I thought we could do
"Human Nature."

Would you sing with me?

After that you can

go back to Shane;
I won't stop you.

Sam, I can't.

Let's...

Let's talk later.

# Looking out

# Across the nighttime

# The city winks a sleepless eye #

# Hear his voice

# Shake my window

# Sweet seducing sighs

# Get me out

# Into the nighttime

# Four walls won't hold me tonight #

# If this town

# Is just an apple

# Then let me take a bite

# If they say why, why?

# Tell 'em that it's human nature #

# Why, why

# Does he do me that way?

# If they say

# Why, why?

# Just tell 'em
that it's human nature #

# Why, why?

# Does he do me that way

# Reaching out

# To touch a stranger

# Electric eyes are everywhere

# Ooh

# See that girl

# She knows I'm watching

# She likes the way I stare

# If they say
# Why?

# Why, why, why, why?
# Why?

# Tell 'em that it's human nature #

# Why, oh, why

# Does he do me that way?

# If they say
# Why?

# Why, do-be-doop, why?
# Why?

# Tell 'em that it's human nature #

# Why, why

# Does he do me that way?

# I like livin' this way

# I like lovin' this way

# Oh, why, oh, why?

# Oh, why, oh, why?

# Why, why?

# Tell 'em that it's human nature #

# Why?

So...
Will?

Kurt?

Your dad wants to talk to you.

What's wrong?
Is Blaine okay?

He's fine.

The mail came.

NYADA.

Dude, come on.

This is like the fifth
room we've been to.

What's wrong with the
library or the lunchroom?

None of those felt right.

This is it, Dad.

This is one of those
crossroad moments in life.

I mean, whatever's in this
envelope is going to determine

whether I go right or left.

I'm here, no matter what it says.

Okay?

"Dear Mr. Hummel..."

What? What?

I'm a finalist.

Oh, Dad, Dad, your heart.

Oh, screw my heart!
You did it!

You did it, Kurt!

Oh, man, oh!

Who's gonna tell Blaine?
You got to let me do it.

Dad, are you crying?

You beat them all.

They threw everything at you.

They tried to beat you down.

But you know what?
You're unstoppable, Kurt.

I am so proud to be your dad.

They can never
take this away from you.

Right now, in this moment,

on this day, you won.

Oh, way to go, dude.

Rachel! Rachel!

I got it; I got my NYADA letter.

I got in the finals.
You did?

I'm a finalist.
You did? That's so great.

Wh-What did yours say?

I didn't get one.

Oh, that doesn't mean anything.

That just means they
haven't sent it yet.

I didn't even make it to the finals.

I knew it, I...

I had this weird feeling
in my stomach all week long.

Rachel, don't be stupid.

"Stupid"?

Stupid is watching all of your friends

make plans for their future

and realizing that
you have none at all.

No plans, no college,

nowhere to go.

All I have here is
my boyfriend, and...

And I have no idea what I'm doing.

Come here.

It's all right.

"Miss Jolier,
a dramatic directorial debut,"

"she expects her second feature to
have far more honey than blood."

Hey.

Hey, guys.

We brought you, um,
chicken noodle soup.

I know it's not used to
typically help eye injuries,

but we figured it

couldn't hurt.
And I brought you

a couple of eye-patch-featuring
flicks from my collection.

I got, uh, Pirates of the
Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,

Valkyrie, and Sky Captain
and the World of Tomorrow.

Aw, thank you guys.

It's so amazing;
It really means

a lot to me that you'd come
by to check up on me.

However,

I cannot let a single moment pass

without first...

raising a zero-calorie toast

to one Mr. Kurt Hummel, aka...

NYADA finalist.

Yay.

Cheers.

So, Blaine, uh, when's the surgery?

This week.

Honestly, I'm terrified.

Don't sweat it, dude.

You'll heal up good as new.

Yeah, and there are tons
of legendary performers

who've only had one eye:
Sammy Davis, Jr., Columbo.

And Stevie Wonder, he did
pretty good with no eyes at all.

You guys, I'm really upset
that I'm missing Michael Week.

It just totally sucks.

Well, that's why

we figured we'd bring

a little bit of Michael to you.
Yup.

Okay.

# Ben, the two of us

# Need look no more

# We both found
what we were looking for #

# With a friend to call my own #

# I'll never be alone

# And you, my friend will see

# You've got a friend in me

# You've got a friend in me #

# Ben, you're always
running here and there #

# Here and there #

# You feel you're not
wanted anywhere #

# Anywhere #

# If you ever

# Look behind and don't like

# What you find

# There's something you should know #

# You've got a place to go

# You've got a place to go #

# Ben, most people
would turn you away #

# Turn you away #

# I don't listen to a word they say #

# A word they say #

# They don't see you

# As I do

# I wish they would try to

# I'm sure they'd think again #

# If they had a friend like Ben #

# A friend

# Like Ben

Hey, Andrew McCarthy.

Don't know if you heard,
but Blaine may lose an eye.

The same Blaine who was just
besties with most of you

not four months ago.

Wait, are you serious?

Is he gonna be okay?

Well, sure, if he doesn't care

about seeing in three dimensions.

Trent, I got this.

Bummer about Blaine, he was pretty.

He shouldn't have gotten
in the way, though.

That slushee was meant for Kurt.

You may look like the
villain out of a cheesy '80s

high school movie,

but you should know that
I am fully prepared

to go all Danny LaRusso on your ass.

Admit you put something
in that slushee.

What was it, huh?

Glass? Asphalt?

Red dye number six.

You're a liar.

She questioned my honor.

I demand satisfaction

in Warbler tradition.

You want to have a duel?

Cello guys, can you hang
back for a second? I'm gonna

need you for this one.

Everyone else clear out.

I don't want you to see me

make a girl cry.

Let's just keep this on point.

# As he came in through the
window, it was the sound #

# Of a crescendo

# He came into her apartment

# He left bloodstains on the carpet #

# She ran underneath the table

# He could see she was unable

# So she ran into the bedroom

# She was struck down,
it was her doom #

# Annie, are you okay?

# So, Annie, are you okay?

# Are you okay, Annie?

# Annie, are you okay?

# So, Annie, are you okay?
# Are you okay, Annie?

# Annie, are you okay?

# So, Annie, are you okay?
# Are you okay, Annie?

# Annie, are you okay?
# So, Annie, are you okay?

# Are you okay, Annie?

# Annie, are you okay?
Would you tell us #

# That you're okay?

# There's a sign in the window,
that he struck you #

# A crescendo, Annie

# He came into your apartment

# He left the bloodstains
on the carpet #

# And then you ran into the
bedroom, you were struck down #

# It was your doom

# Annie, are you okay?
# So, Annie, are you okay?

# Are you okay, Annie?

# Annie, are you okay?

# So, Annie, are you okay?

# Are you okay, Annie?

# Annie, are you okay?

# Are you okay, Annie?

# You've been hit by

# You've been struck by

# A smooth criminal

# I don't know

# Annie, are you okay?

# Would you tell us
that you're okay? #

# There's a sign in the
window #
# I don't know

# That he struck you,
a crescendo, Annie #

# He came into your apartment
# I don't know

# Left the bloodstains on the
carpet #
# I don't know why, baby

# Then you ran into the bedroom, you were
struck down, it was your doom, Annie #

# Dad gone it, baby
# Annie, are you okay?

# Would you tell us that you're okay?
#
# Dad gone it, baby

# There's a sign in the
window #
# Dad gone it, baby

# That he struck you, a
crescendo, Annie #
# Hoo, hoo

# He came into your apartment

# Left the blood stains
on the carpet #

# Then you ran into the bedroom,
you were struck down #
# Hoo, hoo

# It was your doom, Annie,
you've been hit by #

# You've been struck by

# A smooth criminal.

I was better.

You weren't even close.

I was better.

Now tell me the truth.

What did you put in that slushee?

Rock salt... but it's okay.

Why is it okay?

I just told you
that Blaine had to have surgery.

It's okay because I didn't
put anything in this one.

- Before Mr.
- Shue gets here, come on.

Brittany, lock the door.

I don't know how to do that.

Um, what's going on?

We've got the Warblers
right where we want them.

And because he's the smoothest
criminal I know,

Artie was able to find a spy store

that sells top-secret
surveillance equipment.

Not top-secret.

I just got a tape recorder
from OfficeMax.

Okay, okay, whatever.

In any case, I taped it
to my underboob

when we went to Dalton, and I got

Sebastian on tape admitting
that there was rock-salt

in that slushee that blinded Blaine.

Now, all we have to do is send
this tape to the po-po,

and that little bitchlet
is headed to juvie.

Admit it. Tell me the truth.

What did you put in that slushee?

Rock salt.

No. No, we're not doing that.

Why? Kurt, this isn't violent.
This is clever.

I taped it to my underboob.

So he gets kicked out of school.

The Warblers still do Michael,
and they still beat us.

Look, I want to see Sebastian's
head turning on a spit,

but I've realized that you
can't go looking for payback

every time the world wrongs you.

If Michael went after all the haters,

he would have never had any time

to do all that amazing music.

So, we're not gonna
punish the Warblers.

We're gonna teach them a lesson,

and I think I know how.

I've reserved the auditorium,
so if you all just follow me.

Oh, wait.

If Kurt would have taped this

to his junk, I would have
never heard the end of it.

We would have had
a whole week of songs

about it.

Rachel, can I borrow you for a second?

Yeah.

So, are we gonna
practice or something?

Look, I know that
you're waiting for an answer,

and-and trust me,
you deserve it...

No, no, I get it.
It's a big decision.

It's just, the way I asked
you, I kind of left out

the most important part.

About how much rent we would
save if we went twosies?

Just listen, okay?

I always feel like you hear me
better when I'm not talking.

# Each time the wind blows

# I hear your voice
so I call your name #

# Whispers at morning

# Our love is dawning

# Heaven's glad you came

# You know how I feel

# This thing can't go wrong

# I'm so proud to say I love you #

# Your love's got me high

# I long to get by

# This time is forever

# Love is the answer

# I hear your voice now

# You are my choice now

# The love you bring

# Heaven's in my heart

# At your call I hear harps

# And angels sing

# You know how I feel

# This thing can't go wrong

# I can't live my life without you #

# I just can't hold on

# I feel we belong

# My life ain't worth living

# If I can't be with you

# I just can't stop loving you

# I just can't stop loving you #

# And if I stop

# Then tell me just
what will I do? #

# I just can't stop loving you #

# We can change all
the world tomorrow #

# We can sing songs of yesterday #

# I can say, hey, farewell to sorrow #

# This is my life and I

# Want to see you for always

# I just can't stop loving you

# Oh, baby, no

# I just can't stop loving you

# Yeah, I can't stop

# And if I stop

# No

# Tell me just what

# Will I do?

# What will I do?

# I just can't stop

# Loving you
# Hee, hee, hee

# Oh, little girl

# I just can't stop loving you #

# Oh, I do

# And if I stop

# Then tell me just what
will I do? #

# I just can't stop
loving you. #

Felt an awful lot like a...

You're the love of my life.

And...

I may not get to have it all, but...

at least I'll have what matters
if we're together.

Is that a...?
Yes.

Yes?

Yes, I will marry you.

Got to get the ring here.

Nice of you to show.

Is whatever this is gonna take long?

I can't stand the stench
of public schools.

It won't take long, and all you
have to do is sit and listen.

We're not doing Michael for Regionals.

I didn't think
you'd surrender that easily.

We're tired of the fighting
and the backstabbing.

We're show choirs.

We're supposed to be
supportive of each other.

This is what we call
taking the high road,

which I was shocked
to find out has nothing to do

- with marijuana.
- Just because you're doing

Michael doesn't mean
you understand Michael.

And you do?
Yes.

And we're about to show you.

# Oh!

# I took my baby on a Saturday date #

# But is that girl with you?

# Yes, we're one in the same

# Now I believe in miracles

# And a miracle has happened tonight #

# Hey!

# Uh, but if you're thinking
about my baby #

# It don't matter
if you're black or white #

# Hee

# Hee, hee

# I am tired of this devil

# I am tired of this stuff

# I am tired of this business

# So when the going gets rough

# I ain't scared of your brother #

# I ain't scared of no sheets

# I ain't scared of nobody

# Girl, when the goin' gets mean #

# Protection for gangs, clubs
and nations causing grief #

# In human relations,
it's a turf war #

# On a global scale

# I'd rather hear
both sides of the tale #

# See, it's not about races,
just places, faces #

# Where your blood comes from
is where your space is #

# I've seen the bright get duller #

# I'm not gonna spend my life
being a color #

# Don't tell me you agree with me #

# When I saw you
kicking dirt in my eye #

# But if you're thinking
about my baby #

# It don't matter
if you're black or white #

# I said, if you're thinking
of being my brother #

# It don't matter
if you're black or white #

# Yeah, yeah

# Whoo! Black or white...

# It's black, it's white #

# It's tough for you to get by #

# Black or white #
# Yeah, yeah...

# It's black, it's white #
# Whoo!

# It's tough for you to get by #

# Yeah, yeah
# It's black, it's white #

# Whoo!
# It's tough for you to get by #

# Black or r white
# It's black, it's white #

# It's tough for you to get by #

# Black or white #

# It's black,
it's white, whoo! #

Very moving.

Come on, Sebastian.
Give it up.

That is the kind of attitude

that lost us Regionals last year.

I could call the cops
or your headmaster

and get you kicked out
of school or even arrested

for assaulting Blaine
with that slushee.

All of this would be
just awfully terrifying

if you had any proof whatsoever.

You mean like you on tape
admitting to it?

But you know what?

It just wouldn't be
as much fun winning Regionals

if you weren't there to suffer
through all the agony of defeat.

At least now, all
your teammates get to know

exactly what kind of guy you are.

Now get the hell

out of my auditorium.

School's out!

Is... Is-Is that the...?

My NYADA letter finally
came in the mail, and, uh...

and I'm a finalist.

I'm a finalist!

I'm a finalist!

I'm so happy.
Oh, congrats.

Thank you.

Oh, have you told Finn yet?