Glee (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 20 - Prom Queen - full transcript

The junior prom approaches. Mercedes doesn't have a date, so Rachel makes a suggestion; Kurt invites Blaine who fears a repeat of a beating the last time he went to a dance with a date; Santana and Karofsky organize gay-protection squads as part of their law-and-order campaign for prom king and queen; Kurt notices that no one has harassed him for more than a week; Puckerman wants Artie's help in spiking the punch at the dance; and, the glee club is going to provide some of the music at the prom itself. The dance starts, Quinn and Finn seemed poised for coronation, Finn can't keep his eyes off Rachel, and is school homophobia on holiday?

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So here's what
you missed on Glee:

Prom's coming up, and Quinn's
desperate to win queen

so she can hold on to Finn,

who still sort of
has eyes for Rachel.

But Zizes also wants to be
queen, and Puck's up for king,

and Karofsky and Santana
want to win, too,

'cause they both got
a secret they'd like to keep.

Have you ever heard
of the term "beards"?

Artie and Brittany
were BF and GF,

but he got mad
and said she was stupid,

and now they're not
BF and GF.

You were the only person
at this school

that never called me that.

Can you believe that?

And that's what you missed
on Glee.

(bell ringing)
Hi, everyone.
It's junior prom minus six days

here at McKinley,
and today I'm joined

by Junior Prom King candidate,
Noah Puckerman.

I prefer Puck.
So, Noah, can
I get a comment

on the recent poll number that
put the Fabray/Hudson ticket

ten points above
you and Zizes--

AKA the "Road Warriors."
We're still ahead of
Santana and Karofsky

by half a point, so
our campaign strategy

is to close the gap
using a combination

of intimidation
and fear.

Awesome and classy.

One more question-- this one
was e-mailed in by a fan.

"Where does Lauren
keep your balls?"


I'm sure you've heard
the word on the street

that you've been
neutered by Ms. Zizes.

That she's the one who wears
the pants in the relationship.

Shut up or I'll beat your ass.

(trembling): I'm not scared--
I've been hit by a girl before.

This is JBI
signing off.

Tune in tomorrow when
we'll be interviewing

frontrunner Quinn Fabray.

Hubba hubba.

(bell ringing)

I have some bad news.

Will Schuester
is leaving McKinley

to go to Broadway.

Oh, William,
I'm devasted--

positively horny
with grief.

As a going-away present,
here's a spray bottle

of I Can't Believe
It's Not Butter

to keep that head-merken
looking buttery fresh.

No, no. Junior prom
is in one week

and my favorite
band cancelled.

What band?
Air Supply, William.

So I'm inviting
my next favorite group:

The New Directions.

Nope. No way.

I agree. I mean,
normally we would jump

at the chance to
perform, but...

I mean, we've got Nationals
in three weeks,

which means that we have
a lot of rehearsals

and a lot of taffy to sell,
just so we can afford the trip.

William, this glass is half-full
of dreams for all of us.

I have decided
to give all the money

to the Glee Club that I was
going to pay Air Supply!

So that's $400
right there for you.

I won't allow it--
I'm prom coordinator,
and I was not consulted.

Each year I honor the prom
with a bowl of my family's
secret punch recipe,

made all the more meaningful
to me because it's

the punch bowl my
grandmother drowned in.

And, each year, that
punch bowl is spiked.

Such lawlessness will
only be encouraged

when being screeched at
by that Glee Club!

Sue, it is not
a discussion!

We are in the lurch!

Fine. Well, then let me
take this opportunity

to make a request.

William, I have in my
Spanks, at all times,

a list of the
worst songs

ever performed
by the Glee Club.

And I would appreciate it
if you would not reprise

any of the
following numbers.

Number one,

"Run, Joey, Run."

You should literally
apologize to America

for that one.
Number two,

The ingenius mash-up

of "Crazy in Love"
and "Hair."

Now, I know you
must have been

pretty tired when you
put that baby together.

If you'll excuse me.

We'll see you
at the prom, butt chin.

(bell ringing)

I've been to Ann Taylor Loft,

Filene's Basement
and, like, six Forever 21s,

and I cannot find
a dress that fits.

I'm gonna be forced
to make my own dress for prom.

You'll seem poor.
You're up for queen.

You can't make
your own prom dress.

Prom is, like, our Oscars.

It's seriously, like,

the most important
night of our lives.

What about
getting married?

Oh, you can get married
as many times as you want.

You only have one shot
at your junior prom.

What are you guys
talking about?
Prom dresses.

Thank God I don't have
to worry about that.
I'm not going.

Why not?
'Cause nobody's asked me.

All right, guys-- prom.

Please tell me we're not

doing songs about prom.

Nope. We are the prom.

Figgins has asked
us to perform.

Let's do
"Run, Joey, Run."

Now, I know this
isn't ideal with

Nationals coming up,
but we really don't

have a choice.

And we could
really use the money.

But I know that prom is a
special rite of passage.

I'm gonna make sure
that all of you guys

get a chance to enjoy
the dance, too.

So, we're gonna stagger

the performances

so that each and
every one of you

has a lot of time to
dance with your dates.

Excuse me.

Is she okay?
Mercedes doesn't have
a date for prom.

So? I don't have a date.

I'm just going to dance, and
then all your dates are

gonna ignore you and come
dance with me, so...

your dates are really my dates.

I'm gonna go talk

to Mercedes.
No. Let me.


You know, I don't have
a date to prom, either.

You know, I know that
I talk a good game

about not needing
a man, and I don't.

I just really wanted to
take a date to the prom.

I want the dress...

and the guy...

and the damn corsage.

Somebody... somebody
still may ask you.

It's this Saturday.
You know...

I just wanted to
be Cinderella...

just for one night.

One night where
a guy would...

would look at me under those
corny crepe paper streamers

and say... "You
look so beautiful."

And then he'd...

grab my hand and
ask me to dance.

Isn't that what prom
is supposed to be about?

You're not gonna go
to prom alone.

You'll go with me.
That's even more

I have a plan.

Give me your hand.

Blaine Warbler...

will you go
to junior prom with me?


It'll be the social event
of the season.

You don't want
to go to prom with me?
No, no,

of course, of course
I want to go with you.

It's just...


What about prom, Blaine?

At my old school
there was a Sadie Hawkins Dance,

and... I had just come out,

so I asked a
friend of mine,

the only other gay
guy in the school,

and while we were waiting
for his dad to pick us up...

these three guys...


...beat the living crap
out of us.


I'm so sorry.

I'm-I'm out and I'm proud

and all that--
this is just

a little bit of a sore spot.

This is perfect.

You couldn't face up
to the bullies at your school,

so you can do it at mine.

We could do it

But I have to say, Blaine,

that if it makes you feel
uncomfortable at all,

then we'll just
forget about prom.

We'll go to a movie instead.

I am crazy about you.

So I'll take that as a yes?


Yes, you and I are
going to the prom.

Mm, mm!

Is this a surprise
party or something?

Because my birthday
was last week.

It-it was?

Um, no.

Mercedes and I, we have
a proposition for you.

We were wondering
if you'd like to go

to prom with us.
Kind of like a...

a three-way date, but
not the dirty kind.

(chuckles): That sounds great,
but I can't afford to take

one girl to the prom; I don't
know how I'm gonna take two.

What's this?
Our prom budget.

You're gonna have to borrow
a suit from your dad,

and we're gonna buy
five-dollar dresses

down at the Goodwill,
and make our own corsages

out of flowers from
my mom's garden.

And we can walk to prom
and then use what's left

to get the $8.99

pasta special at Breadstix.

But, you know, the $20, it's
not charity, it's a loan.

So... you'll go with us?

It would be an honor.


(all laughing)

Ladies, I appreciate
you welcoming me

into the sacred inner sanctum
that is the prom gown dry run.

Why did we decide
to include Kurt?

Because getting
a look past him is like

getting a thumbs up
from Joan and Melissa Rivers.

It just might goose
our pre-prom buzz factor.

I look like

a lemon meringue pie.

I think you look delicious.

Don't despair.

Nobody bigger
than a size two

looks good in a prom dress.
I mean, they're practically

designed to make us
look awkward.

I think

the color is wrong.

Let's go navy, hm?

It's chic and slimming.

Duly noted.

KURT: Agree? Agree?
Oh, my God.

It's brilliant.


(Kurt gasps)

I knew it. Fashion.

Devil in a red dress.

Perfect, and it's
totally appropriate
for your personality.

I have no criticisms.

Go with God, Satan. Santana.

Now, if you ladies'll excuse me,

I have to pull options
for my own prom outfit.

Wait, so you're
going? Stag?

That's just tragic.

Yes, I'm going, and not alone.

With Blaine.

(gasping, squealing)

That's amazing!

Ladies, if
you'll excuse me,

I have a private fashion
question for Kurt.

So, Kurt,

I think that you need
a full security detail,
which the Bully Whips

and I would be more than
happy to provide you with.

You know, like the
Hell's Angels when
the Rolling Stones

the Rolling Stones
performed at
Altamont Speedway.

I think that went off
without a hitch.

And why would you do that?

Because I'll get sympathy
votes for prom queen.

I'll be, like,
the law-and-order
Eva Peron candidate.

Grimace and Stretch Marks

won't stand a chance.

(bell rings)

PUCK: So, since you
don't have a date

to the prom now,
I was hoping you could

help me out with
Operation Punch and Judy.

Every year
at McKinley,

they crown a king and
queen at the prom,

but there's
a shadow world--
a dark community

of trouble makers that
crown the prom anti-king.

And you're planning
on that being you?

My street cred's in the gutter.

If I actually win
Prom King with Lauren,
I'll never be able

to rebuild my reputation

as a lovable but
dangerous miscreant.

I have to spike Coach
Sylvester's punch.

What does this
have to do with me?

I'm prime suspect number one.

Coach Sylvester won't let me
within ten feet of that bowl.

When she grabs me,

I'll create a diversion
with my sweet dance moves.

She'll be mesmerized,
hypnotized by my love dance.

That's when you'll
sneak in behind us

and pour a bottle of gin
in the bowl.

Awesome, right?

So are you in?

As my ass-istant bad-ass?

I'm... I'm sorry.

While I admire

your bad-boy villainy
and, yes, long for the day

when I am similarly cool,

I just, I don't think
spiking the prom hooch

will impress
Brittany enough.

There's got to be
a surefire way

for her to both forgive me
and accept my prom proposal.

(bell ringing)
There's got to be.

Oh, members of the Audio-Visual
Club, I may possibly

sing this song
at prom,

and when I'm done rehearsing,
I'd like your feedback.

Tell me if I was brilliant
or simply outstanding.

♪ There's a fire ♪

♪ Starting in my heart ♪

♪ Reaching a fever pitch ♪

♪ And it's bringing me
out the dark ♪

♪ Finally ♪

♪ I can see you crystal clear ♪

♪ Go ahead and sell me out
and I'll lay your ship bare ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪
♪ See how ♪

♪ I leave with
every piece of you ♪

♪ Don't underestimate ♪

♪ The things that I will do ♪

♪ There's a fire ♪

♪ Starting in my heart ♪

♪ Reaching a fever pitch ♪

♪ And it's bringing me
out the dark ♪

♪ The scars of your love
remind me of us ♪

♪ They keep me thinking
that we almost had it all ♪

♪ The scars of your love ♪

♪ They leave me breathless ♪

♪ I can't help feeling ♪

♪ We could have had it all ♪

♪ You're gonna wish you ♪

♪ Never had met me ♪

♪ Rolling in the deep ♪
♪ Tears are gonna fall ♪

♪ Rolling in the deep ♪
♪ You had my heart ♪

♪ Inside of your hand ♪
♪ You're gonna wish
you never had met me ♪

♪ And you played it ♪
♪ Tears are gonna fall ♪

♪ To the beat ♪
♪ Rolling in the deep ♪

♪ Throw your soul ♪

♪ Through every open door ♪

♪ Count your blessings
to find what you look for ♪

♪ Turn my sorrow ♪

♪ Into treasured gold ♪

♪ Pay me back in kind
and reap just what you've sown ♪

♪ You're gonna wish you ♪

BOTH: ♪ Yeah, we could have
had it all ♪
♪ Never had met me ♪

♪ Tears are gonna fall,
rolling in the deep ♪

♪ We could have had it all ♪
♪ You're gonna wish you ♪

♪ Never had met me ♪
♪ It all, it all ♪

♪ It all ♪
♪ Tears are gonna fall ♪

♪ Hey ♪
♪ Rolling in the deep ♪

♪ You could have had it all ♪
♪ You're gonna wish
you never had met me ♪

♪ Rolling in the deep ♪
♪ Tears are gonna fall ♪

♪ Rolling in the deep ♪
♪ You had my heart ♪

♪ Inside of your hand ♪
♪ You're gonna wish
you never had met me ♪

♪ And you played and you played
and you played ♪

♪ And you played it ♪

♪ To the beat. ♪


It's good to see you
again, Rachel.

Jessie... what are
you doing here?

I mean, how was
I supposed to know

that I was actually
supposed to show up

to those other classes
at school?

I was majoring
in show choir.

I just assumed
it would be like at Carmel

and the school would get
some Asian kid

to take math and English
and scientific for me.

That's awful.

I came back
to see you, Rachel.

What I did to you...
that's my one great regret.

Yeah, it was kind of weird.

One day you were telling
me that you loved me

and then you were
inexplicably throwing eggs

at my head the next.

I know, I know.

I traded love

for a fourth consecutive
national championship.

It was a bum deal.

For a first, maybe,
but for a fourth, no way.

I've come
to make amends.

So what are you doing
for prom?

So I heard a nasty rumor
that Jessie St. James
is back in town

and I also heard that he
is going to be your date.

No, he's joining

Mercedes and Sam and I
on our prom on a budget.

He's going to be in town
for a while, though,

so I'm not sure what's
going to come of it.

I just--
I don't trust him.

Don't you remember what he did
to you, how awful he was?

You can't tell me
what to do anymore, okay?

If I want to date Jessie,
or anyone for that matter,

it stopped being your business
when you broke up with me.

I-I still care about you.

Look, all I ask is
that whoever I choose,

that you be
as supportive of me

as I have been of you
and Quinn, even though

I'm dying every day
inside about it.

You know, I don't even want to
go to the stupid prom anymore.

Quinn has got
me handing out

pens with our names on them.

Where's the dignity?

And I hate renting those
tuxes, and the corsage--

I know I'm going to
pick the wrong one

and then Quinn's going
to be all pissed off

and her mom's going
to look at me like...
Hey, just...

just get her
something simple--

a wrist corsage.

Girls like Quinn--
you don't want to do anything

that's going to distract
from their face,

so ask for a gardenia

with a,
with a light green ribbon

wrapped around it
to match her eyes.


(bell ringing)

Everything looks good.

No gay protests or rainbow flags
being lit on fire down this way.

Are you finished talking?


When you're finished talking,
you should say "over."


No burning Liberace mannequins.


All right, lady
lips, all clear.

Teen gay, you may now proceed
to the next checkpoint

without fear
of violence.

Why are you speaking
so loud?

I'm the law-and-order
prom queen candidate,

here to protect
every student at this school

from harassment.

Did she...?

I'm, I'm walking
away from you now.

(bell ringing)

Just crack the egg.

I just don't understand
the difference between an egg

with a baby chicken inside of it
and an egg with an egg in it.

They're the same thing.

Okay, that's really confusing

because this is
a baby chicken's house.

Mrs. Hagberg,
I understand that cupcakes

are really trendy right now,

and I know the making
of a foie gras

might be
a little morose,

but, um, I would like to
at least graduate high school

knowing how to make
some kind of pâté.

Excuse me, Mrs. Hagberg,
I need to say something.


Brittany, I was a jerk

to you.

And I want to make it up
to you with a song

so maybe you'll consider going
to prom with me.

A prom proposal.

♪ Isn't she lovely? ♪

♪ Isn't she wonderful? ♪

♪ I never thought
through love we'd be ♪

♪ Making one as lovely as she ♪

♪ But isn't she lovely ♪

♪ Made from love? ♪

I thought this song
was about a baby.

♪ Isn't she pretty? ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ Truly the angel's best ♪

♪ Boy, I'm so happy ♪

♪ We have been heaven blessed ♪

♪ I can't believe
what God has done ♪

♪ Through us
he's given life to one ♪

♪ But isn't she lovely ♪

♪ Made from love? ♪

♪ Isn't she lovely? ♪

♪ Life and love are the same ♪

♪ Londie, it could
have not been done ♪

♪ Without you
who conceived the one ♪

♪ That's so very lovely ♪

♪ Made from love ♪

♪ Ow! ♪



Artie, that was lovely,

but I'm not going to
go to prom with you.

You called me stupid, and
I really didn't like that,

so I'm sorry, but I'm
gonna go to prom by myself

and really work on me

and dance with other
people's dates.

I understand.

I, I hope you know
how sorry I am.



sorry for the timing,
but I'd really like to revisit

the possibility of you helping
me spike the punch bowl.

I'm in.

I have nothing to live for.

So you think it's cool if
I jam with you guys at prom?

Yeah, totally.

Good news, boys.

My buddy Enzo
from the tux rental shop

is giving you half off.


Yeah, so what are
you going to go with?

I'm going simple--


thin lapel collar--
very discreet.

Know what I wore to my prom?

I wore a powder blue tux
with a ruffled shirt

and a big velour bowtie.

Looked like Tony Orlando.

Was that a designer?


No need for half
off my outfit.

Because half of it
is already off?

My ensemble is an homage
to the recent royal wedding

and the late
Alexander McQueen.

I had to make
it myself.

There's simply nothing
off the rack that is suitable

for the young fashionable man
in Ohio.

Dude, that rocks.
It's like gay Braveheart.

I don't like it.

Well, of course
you don't like it.

It's not finished yet.

I think it still needs, like,
a sash or maybe some beads.

Look, I'm not going
to stop you

from wearing it,
but I got to be honest-- I...

I think you're
just trying to stir

the pot a little bit.

I think you're trying
to get some attention.


What's the point of dressing up?

I mean, that's why
some guys wear

the tails
with the top hat

and, and the girls wear
the hoop skirts.

I mean, Blaine,
help me out here.

I think your dad
has a point.

I-I think what
he's trying to say

is that we
just don't want

to give anyone a reason
to cause any trouble.

There's a lot of bad people
out there, Kurt,

and they're a lot worse

than this Karofsky kid,

and all they're
looking for is a match

to light
under the fire

of their hate.

Now, of course I,

I want, I want you
to be yourself,

but I also-- I want you
to be practical.

I have done everything right.

Now, Blaine,
I understand

that after what you've been
through, you're worried,

but prom is about joy,
not about fear.

So I am wearing this suit.

I worked
hard on it

and I think it's fantastic,

and if you don't want to join
me, I completely understand.

Here we are, third period,
French class.

I'm going to calculus,
so wait inside the classroom

after the bell rings

until I get back to
walk you to lunch.

Have you noticed that no one
has said boo to me this week?

That's 'cause the Bullywhips
are protecting you.


But maybe no one has been
harassing me this week

because nobody cares.

You're dreaming.
Okay, look,

I'm not saying
that everyone in this school

is ready
to embrace the gay,

but maybe, at least,

they've evolved enough
to be indifferent.

I see how miserable
you are, Dave.

I could just hate you
when you were bullying me,

but... now all I see
is your pain.

And you don't have to torture
yourself over this.

I'm not saying
you should come out tomorrow,

but maybe, soon, the moment
will arise when you can.

(bell ringing)

What's wrong?


I'm so, I'm so
freaking sorry, Kurt.

I'm just... sorry for
what I did to you.

I know.

I know.




Remember, you wait
for me here, right?

Quinny! Your date's here!



That's one of the good things
about being in Glee Club.

You really get to know
your way around a cummerbund.

(Mrs. Fabray gasps)

Let me get
my camera.

You look great.

You're the most beautiful girl

I've ever seen in my life.

I, uh... I got you
a wrist corsage.

The ribbon matches my eyes.
I know.

Okay, you two,
picture time.

You look like Cinderella.

Let's get together. Ah!


Give me prom pose.

(shutter clicks)

Mercedes, can I just say
that you look fierce

in your dress?
Totally, Mercedes.

You both
look smokin'.

You're damn
straight we do.

Seriously, though, Jessie, what
do you think of the bolo tie?

Pretty cool, right?

Saw Springsteen

in the cover of Tunnel of Love
album wearing it.

Dude, that was, like,
20 years ago.


I'm really sorry to hear

about what happened
with your family, Sam.

RACHEL: Um, I hope
it's okay; I sort of

filled Jessie in on
what was going on.

Of course it's okay.

Sam has nothing
to be ashamed of.

I know how tough
it is out there.

I couldn't even get a job

as one of those singing waiters
at Johnny Rockets.

But I've got an idea.

They say that the best time

to start any business
is during a recession.

I don't know why,
or even what a recession is,

but it's my understanding
that we're in one.

He's so smart. I can't believe
he flunked out of college.

So I was thinking.

What are the two things
that I'm great at?

Show choir and destroying
the competition.

So, what if I opened up
a dance studio

where I could act
as a consultant

for show choirs looking
to get that extra edge?

Do you think there
are enough show choirs

to keep you in business?

Of course there are.
That-That's a brilliant idea!

You could... You could be like
The-The Show Choir Whisperer.


I'm sure we could get Mr. Shue
to hire him in a second, and

that's how we can
beat Vocal Adrenaline!

Hey, guys. You look amazing!

And don't forget to vote
for Hudson-Fabray tonight.

Hey, Jessie. What'd you order,
scrambled eggs?

I mean, I know you usually

like them served
on people's heads.

Quinn, you look stunning.

The ghost of Grace Kelly.

Let me know if you get tired

of your boyfriend
stomping on your

pretty little feet
all night.

I'll be more
than happy to cut in.

Okay, hush, you guys.

You're totally ruining
the vibe.

Quinn, you look hot.

Finn, you look handsome.

Love you guys,
but get lost.

We'll see you there.

All right.

This is gonna be
off the hook.

Who's ready for some prom?

I'm ready for prom.

Go, prom. I like prom.
Cheers, guys.

(Rebecca Black's
"Friday" begins)

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ah-ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah-ah-ah, yeah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Yeah-ah-ah, yeah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ 7:00 a.m. waking up
in the morning ♪

♪ Got to be fresh,
got to go downstairs ♪

♪ Got to have my bowl,
got to have cereal ♪
♪ Cereal ♪

♪ Seein' everything,
the time is goin' ♪

♪ Tickin' on and on,
everybody's rushin' ♪

♪ Tickin' on and on ♪

♪ Got to get down
to the bus stop ♪

♪ Got to catch my bus,
I see my friends ♪

♪ I see my friends ♪

♪ Kickin' in the front seat,
sittin' in the back seat ♪

♪ Got to make my mind up,
which seat can I take? ♪

♪ It's Friday, Friday,
got to get down on Friday ♪

♪ Everybody's looking forward
to the weekend, weekend ♪

♪ Friday, Friday,
gettin' down on Friday ♪

♪ Everybody's lookin' forward
to the weekend ♪

♪ Partyin', partyin' ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Partyin', partyin' ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun,
lookin' forward to the weekend ♪

♪ Yesterday was Thursday,
Thursday ♪

♪ Today is Friday, Friday ♪
♪ Partyin' ♪

♪ We-We-We so excited ♪

♪ Party ♪
♪ We so excited ♪

♪ We gonna have a ball today ♪

♪ Tomorrow is Saturday
and Sunday comes afterwards ♪

♪ I don't want this weekend
to end ♪
♪ The end, the end ♪

♪ R-T, Artie Abrams,
so chillin' in the front seat ♪

♪ In the front seat ♪
♪ In the back seat ♪

♪ In the back seat ♪

♪ I'm drivin', cruisin' ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Fast lanes, switchin' lanes
with a car up on my side ♪

♪ Whoo, come on, passin' by is
a school bus in front of me ♪

♪ Makes tick tock, tick tock,
wanna scream ♪

♪ Check my time, it's Friday,
it's a weekend ♪

♪ We gonna have fun,
come on, come on, y'all ♪

♪ It's Friday, Friday,
got to get down on Friday ♪

♪ Everybody's lookin' forward
to the weekend, weekend ♪

♪ Friday, Friday,
gettin' down on Friday ♪

♪ Everybody's lookin' forward
to the weekend ♪

♪ Partyin', partyin' ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Partyin', partyin' ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun, lookin'
forward to the weekend. ♪

(song ends,
applause and cheering)

Best prom ever!

(Christina's Perri's
"Jar of Hearts" begins)

♪ I know I can't take
one more step towards you ♪

♪ 'Cause all
that's waiting is regret ♪

♪ And don't you know
I'm not your ghost anymore? ♪

♪ You lost the love
I loved the most ♪

♪ I learned to live,
half-alive ♪

♪ And now you want me
one more time ♪

♪ And who do you think
you are? ♪

♪ Runnin' round leaving scars ♪

♪ Collecting your jar of hearts,
and tearing love apart ♪

♪ You're gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul ♪

♪ So don't come back for me ♪

♪ Who do you think you are? ♪

Isn't it great that the prom
is so inclusive this year?

♪ It took so long
just to feel all right ♪

Someone for everyone.

Even if it's a lie.
♪ Remember how to put ♪

♪ Back the light in my eyes ♪

♪ I wish I had missed
the first time that we kissed ♪

♪ ' Cause you broke
all your promises ♪

♪ And now you're back ♪

♪ You don't get
to get me back ♪

♪ And who do you think
you are? ♪


I just wanted to tell you
that you look beautiful.

♪ Collecting your jar
of hearts ♪

Would you like to dance?

♪ And tearing love apart ♪

I'd love to.

♪ You're gonna catch a cold ♪

♪ From the ice
inside your soul ♪

♪ Don't come back for me ♪

♪ Don't come back at all ♪

♪ Who do you think you are? ♪

♪ Who do you think
you are? ♪

♪ Who do you think you are? ♪

(song ends)


I'm so happy
to be here with you.

It's what I've always wanted.

Tora, Tora, Tora.
It's go time.

Hey, Coach.
Want to boogie?

There's no music.
It's okay.

I got the music in me.


In my office-- now!

What are you doing?

I'm just showing you

my dental kit.
Oh, my God.

You're going to start pulling
out my teeth out, aren't you?

No, no. That would get me sent
to prison.

What I am going to do is attempt
to give you a simple cleaning,

which, as anyone who's been
to the dentist will tell you,

is an excruciating affair
of intense oral pain.

What?! No, it isn't.

Who's your dentist?
Sue Sylvester, DDS.

Now, we can get all HMO
up in your glee-hole,

or you can tell me who put
you up to spiking my bowl.

Come on, Legs.

It was Puckerman,
wasn't it?

Oh, he'll get expelled,

and you'll be one Mohawk
short at Nationals.

Please let me go.

All I want is
to get back out there

and have one dance
with Brittany.

Okay, let me
get this straight.

I'm trying
to interrogate you,

and you just told me
the one thing you really want.

You are the worst
P.O.W. ever.

John McCain is rolling
over in his grave.

("Not Going to Teach Your
Boyfriend How to Dance" begins)

♪ You are the girl ♪

♪ That I've been dreaming of
ever since I was a little girl ♪

♪ You are the girl
that I've been dreaming of ♪

♪ Ever since
I was a little girl ♪

♪ One ♪
♪ I'm biting my tongue ♪

♪ Two ♪
♪ He's kissin' on you ♪

♪ Three ♪
♪ Oh, why can't you see? ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ The word's on the streets
and it's on the news ♪

♪ I'm not gonna teach him
how to dance with you ♪

♪ He's got two left feet
and he bites my moves ♪

♪ I'm not gonna
teach him how to ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ The second I do I know
we're gonna be through ♪

♪ I'm not gonna teach him
how to dance with you ♪

♪ He don't suspect a thing ♪

♪ I wish he'd get a clue ♪

♪ I'm not gonna teach him
how to ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Oh, oh... ♪

♪ Dance ♪

♪ One ♪

Hey, dude, keep it PG.

Dude, it's none of YB--

your business.

♪ Dance ♪
Well, this is my school,
so it's my business.

Well, this isn't your
girlfriend, so beat it, MJ.

♪ Dance ♪

Don't push me.

What's the matter
with you?

Stop it!

You're ruining

Code Blue in the
gym, Coach!

♪ Oh, oh,
he's got two left feet... ♪


Don't push me.
Stop it! Hey!

Come on.

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance! ♪

Prom is over for you, Sugar Ray!

You, too, Marvelous Marvin!
You're out! Let's go!

What do you mean, out?!

Wait, but...
he and I are nominated

for prom...
Sucks for you, sister!

(shouting fades,
gentle melody plays)

(tapping on microphone)

Attention, students, attention.

Will the candidates
for king and queen

gather on the stage.

The votes are in.

This is the moment
you've all been waiting for,

where we announce
our Junior Prom King

and also Prom Queen.

Roll the drum, please.

(student whoops)

And this year's
Junior Prom King is...

...David Karofsky!


You suck so bad,

Quinn Fabray.
I won.

(cheering continues)

(cheering, whooping)

And now...

your 2011
McKinley High Prom Queen...

...with an overwhelming

number of write-in votes, is...

Kurt Hummel.

(one person whistles, whoops)

(one person wolf whistles)

(one person coughs)

(one person clapping)


Stop! Kurt!

I've never been so humiliated!
Kurt. Stop. Stop, Kurt!

Please, just stop. Come on.

Don't you get
how stupid we were?

We thought that because
no one was teasing us

or beating us up,
that-that no one cared.

Like... like some
kind of progress

had been made.

But it's still the same.

It's just a stupid joke.

No, it's not.

All that hate--

they were just afraid
to say it out loud.

So they did it by secret ballot.

I'm one big
anonymous practical joke.

Quinn, you need
to calm down.
This is your fault!

Nobody ever would
have voted for me,

'cause they know he
would rather be with you.

That's not true.


I'm so sorry.

(crying): How could my running
mate win and I didn't?

I mean, just because
I hate everybody

doesn't mean they have
to hate me, too.

It's just a stupid crown
you can buy at the Party Store.

I'm gonna be an
outsider my whole life.

Can't I just... have one
night where I'm queen?

I'm not going
back in there.

Where I'm accepted?

No way.
There's no way I'm
staying at this school

I'm gonna transfer.

Soon as we get
to New York,

I'm bailing to live
in a lesbian colony.

Or Tribeca.

Would you at least sit down?

Do you want to go?

We don't have to
go back in there.

Wasn't this prom supposed
to be about redemption?

About taking away
that lump you had

in your throat
from running away?

If we leave, all it's gonna do
is give me a lump, too.

So what do you want to do?

I'm gonna go back in there
and get coronated.

I'm gonna show them that
it doesn't matter if they are

yelling at me

or whispering behind my back,

they can't touch me.

That they can't touch us.

Or what we have.

Most girls would be upset
about being slapped in the face,

but I happen to
appreciate the drama of it.

I know you think it's
hard to be you, Rachel,

but at least you don't have
to be terrified all the time.

What are you so scared of?

The future.

When all this is gone.

You have nothing
to be scared of.

You're a very
pretty girl, Quinn.

You're the prettiest girl
I've ever met, but...

you're a lot more than that.



Can I help?

They must have sensed
that I was a lesbian.

I mean, they must have.
Do I smell like a golf course?

People don't know
what you're hiding,

they just... they know
that you're not being yourself.

If you were
to embrace all

the awesomeness that you
are, you would've won.

How do you know?

Because I voted for you.

And because I believe
in you, Santana.

This prom sucks!

Now what am I supposed to do?

Go back out there and
be there for Kurt.

This is gonna be a
lot harder for him
than it is for you.

Are you ready for this?

Well, Stumbles,
it's 10:00 p.m.

You've officially
missed your prom.

I'm not gonna
rat somebody out

for doing something
that I did.

(sighs) I was upset,

and I wanted
to impress a girl.

But I wasn't down on
getting everybody wasted,

so I poured a flask of
lemonade into the punch.


You didn't
spike the punch?

Yes, I did.

With alcohol?

Oh. Yeah, then
no, I didn't.

Well, why didn't you
tell me that before?

I was just about to pull out
a couple of your molars.

So, can I go?

You should really
be ashamed of yourself.

You are seriously

no fun to interrogate
or almost torture.

(low, indistinct chatter)

(chatter stops)

Oh, my God,

I feel so bad for him.

Ladies and gentlemen,

your 2011 Prom Queen,

Kurt Hummel.

Eat your heart out,
Kate Middleton.

(scattered chuckles)

(scattered applause)

(Figgins laughing)
(applause growing)

(whooping, cheering)

(whooping, cheering continue)

(clears throat)

(whooping, cheering continue)

FIGGINS: And now, behold
the tradition of our 2011

Prom King and Queen

sharing their first dance.


Now's your moment.


Come out.

Make a difference.

(intro to ABBA's
"Dancing Queen" playing)

♪ Ah, ah, ah... ♪

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah... ♪

I can't.

♪ Ah, ah-ah... ♪

Excuse me.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

May I have this dance?

♪ You can dance,
you can jive ♪

Yes. Yes, you may.

♪ Having the time
of your life ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ See that girl ♪

♪ Watch that scene ♪

♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪

♪ Friday night
and the lights are low ♪

♪ Lookin' out
for a place to go ♪

♪ Oh, where they
play the right music ♪

♪ Getting in the swing ♪

♪ You come to look
for a king ♪

♪ And when you get the chance ♪

♪ You are the dancing queen ♪

♪ Young and sweet ♪

♪ Only seventeen ♪

♪ Dancing queen ♪

♪ Feel the beat ♪

♪ From the tambourine ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ You can dance ♪

♪ You can dance ♪

♪ You can jive ♪

♪ You can jive ♪

♪ Having the time ♪

♪ Of your life ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ See that girl ♪

♪ Watch that scene ♪

♪ Diggin' the dancing queen... ♪

♪ Dancing, dancing ♪

♪ Queen... ♪

♪ Diggin' the dancing queen. ♪