Glee (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 13 - Comeback - full transcript

The boys find the Valentine's dating buzz dying down makes scoring hard. Sam finds a way out that works so well even Fin ends up begging permission to join what seems so childish: a Justin Bieber tribute. Sue seems suicidal after loosing her cheerleaders budget, so Will naively lets her observe and possibly join the glee club, despite the kids' protest. Once in, she decides to spy and successfully postulates for coach of a nemesis rival team after 'freeing' that post. Rachel pays Brittanny to become a fashion idol, only to find she created a monster.

Here's what you missed.

Puck's got a thing for Lauren.
She's not down with it.

- I don't think you're ready for this jelly.
- Finn kissed Quinn...

who's supposed to be dating Sam,
and Rachel kissed Finn too...

but he didn't feel the fireworks.

- The cheek?
- Can you believe that?

Sue tried to shoot Brittany
out of a cannon to win nationals...

but the only thing she won
was Katie Couric's Loser of the Year.

I hate you, Diane Sawyer.

That's what you missed on Glee.

I actually learned
something in my Spanish class today.


Who knows what that means?

"To come back."

That's right. I realized the
old Will Schuester was back.

Glee Club's going to regionals,
we got all of Sue's Cheerios money...

I'm past Terri, I'm over Emma.

"Come back." Now, if we're gonna put it...


It's an emergency.

Becky Jackson opened
Sue's journal and found this.

"Good-bye, cruel world"?

She could be dead by now.

It's weird the door's open.

Sue? Sue?

No? All right.


- Sue.
- All right.

Oh, Sue. Sue.

- Wake up, Sue. Sue, wake up.
- I don't feel a pulse. She doesn't have a pulse.

Yeah, I do.

I just stopped my own heart.
It's my C. I.A. training.

These gummy vitamins didn't work at all.

I was told you take enough vitamin "A,"
and you drift off into a blissful oblivion.

Instead my face just got really hot,
and my jaw's sore from all that chewing.

I have nothing to live for.

That's not untrue.

Emma, we did not come here
to give her a pep talk.

I'm sorry, Sue,
but you brought this on yourself.

I am well aware of my situation, Will.

After my humiliating failure
to qualify for nationals...

there is nothing for me...

or my Cheerios to do...

for the rest of the year.

Why don't you do what
other cheer squads do?

Namely cheer for the teams at the school.

Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Emma, let's go.

Sue, you are nasty, manipulative and petty.

Will you have more grease in your hair...

than the guy behind WikiLeaks.

Oh. I for one am not gonna
play backup at your little pity party.

Take it easy, Sue.



So I wanted to confirm our date
on Friday at Color Me Mine.

Wait. You were serious about that?

It's painting coasters time.

So, we good for Friday?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I don't think
I have anything else to do.


Things have been weird
slnce Quinn got mono a couple weeks ago.

Everyone keeps telling me
that she must have kissed Finn...

but I believe it when she told me
what really happened.

I didn't kiss Finn, Sam. I saved his life.

He's not breathing!

I totally almost choked on a gum ball once.

I know she's into me.

Just get the feeling
that I'm losing her.

I can't let that happen.

Quinn's the best thing that's happened
to me since I got to this school.

But how?

Of course. My dad always said there are
two ways to get a woman to love you:

Take her hunting and rock and roll.

I knew what I had to do.

I mean, who's more rock and roll
than Justin Bieber?

No one. That's who.

The hair was step one. Step two was
booking a couple of bat mitzvah gigs...

to test how my new
one-man band would go over.

Hey. I'm The Justin Bieber Experience.

# Baby, baby, baby, oh #

# Like baby, baby, baby #

# No #

# Like baby, baby, baby, oh #

Heads up, Quinn Fabray.

You're about to be hit
head-on with the full blond Bieber.

Hey, Brittany. We need to talk.

Why are my leg warmers on your arms?

- I got cold.
- But no, we had a deal, okay?

As I explained, I am in the midst of
a career resurgence, okay?

I am done with boys, and I am concentrating
fully on my career now.

The only way to make a complete
comeback is to dominate popular discussion.

Maybe launch a trend or two.
I gave you half of my allowance...

so you could take a signature look of mine
and make it popular.

And we decided that leg warmers were more
likely to catch on than reindeer sweaters.

Yes, precisely. But it won't work
if you insist on wearing them incorrectly.

I didn't realize that there were rules.

Of course there are rules.
Look. They're leg warmers.

Well, can I wear them that way tomorrow?

I wore a tank top today
because I thought it was summer.

- No one ever taught me how to read a calendar.
- Fine. Fine.

And when people ask you who gave you
the inspiration for your new accessory...

you're gonna say, "I'm just copying"...

- I'm just copying Rachel Berry.
- Fantastic.

You know how I feel about hats!

Just 'cause.

None of you should be
making eye contact with me.

Get out! Go!

Get used to this abuse, Glee kids!

I got nothing but time.

Nothing but time.

I think she's dangerous.
Idle hands are the devil's playthings.

I mean, Sue's got nothing to do now...

which means it's only a matter of time before
she starts coming after the Glee Club.

Hey, Will, Esm?.

So sorry for not being
sorry for interrupting.

But would you mind if I borrowed
one of your rafters...

so I could hang myself?

I did a test run back in my office,
and you know what?

There's asbestos up there,
and that can kill a person.

Sue, sit.

Now, I understand you're upset...

but life is beautiful.

Are you gonna tell me there hasn't been
one moment since your epic decline...

that you haven't
felt yourself feel good about something?

Well, yes, Will. As a matter of fact...

there was- there was one moment.

I was driving to work
this morning in my Le Car...

and Charlene's "I've Never Been to Me"
came on the radio.

And when it got to the chorus...

I just opened my mouth
and belted it out with her.

And I have to say, it felt really good.

Sue should join the Glee Club.

- I'm sorry?
- I'd rather be dead.

Yes. She should-
I mean, you can't join, but she can sit in.

Yes. Will.

Look. Sue is in a really bad
place right now.

And you're always talking about
the healing power of music.

There are studies that show it helps
with depression...

it elevates the mood.

I have a pamphlet.

Emma, I don't think
this is a good idea at all.

I agree with SpongeHair SquareChin.
It's a stupid idea.

The football team did it for a spell, and
that really brought people together, Will.

And this is a great chance
for you to keep your eye on Sue.

You know, make sure the old gal's okay.

Well, you know what, folks, at this point,
to alleviate my crippling depression...

I'd do anything.

- This cannot be happening.
- This seems like a terrible idea.

Guys, it's not up for discussion. Okay?

Now, it's no secret that Coach Sylvester
has taken her licks.

I mean, just wanky.

And I believe she could use
a little sympathy from us.

Sympathy? From us? Uh-uh.

Yeah, all she's ever done
is make our lives miserable.

She got exactly what she deserved.

You're lucky I left
my blowgun at home, air bags...

'cause I got a clear shot at your nonnies.

Guys. Coach Sylvester has had her recent
setbacks, but she is a proven champion.

Now, we could do worse than to have
that kind of a winning record in our midst.

Let me break it down for you.
I am no longer a threat to you people, all right?

I'm just hoping that
your singing and dancing around...

will pull me out of my doldrums
and give me a reason to live.

Is that too much to ask?

Guys, it's settled.
Sue's gonna be with us for the week.

Now, I received an envelope
in the mail today.

- We know that we're facing Kurt and the Warblers at regionals.
- Sweet Porcelain.

And it looks like this year...

we face Aural Intensity again.

They cleaned our clock last year.

Seems like the governing board has assigned
a theme to this year's regionals...

and part of our score will be based upon
how well we interpret it.

This year's theme: Anthem.

Now, who can tell us what an anthem is?

It's the bottom of an ant's pants.

So close. So close. No.

An anthem is an epic song...

filled with a- a groundswell of emotion
that somehow seems bigger than itself...

even bigger than the person performing it.

- Mr. Schue.
- Oh, hey, Sam. I didn't even notice your new haircut.

Yeah. I've been working on a new image...

to go with my new one-man band,
The Justin Bieber Experience.

You've got to be kidding me.

Dude, that haircut
makes your mouth look even bigger.

Let her speak.

Laugh all you want,
but that kid's an epic talent...

and there's a number I've been working on
that I've been wanting to show off.

And I think it qualifies
as an anthem, because...

it's just hugely emotional
and sums up our generation.

All right. Let's hear it, buddy.

I'm offended.

He'll be good.

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh #

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh #

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh #

# You know you love me
I know you care #

# Just shout whenever
and I'll be there #

# You want my love
You want my heart #

- # And we will never, ever #
- This is actually a really good song.

# Be apart #

# Are we an item? #

- Whoo!
- # Girl, quit playin' #

- Whoo!
- # "We're just friends"? What are you saying? #

# Say there's another
and look right in my eyes #

# My first love broke my heart
for the first time #

# And I was like
baby, baby, baby, oh #

# Like baby, baby, baby, no #

# Like baby, baby, baby, oh #

# I thought you'd always be mine #

# Oh, oh, oh
For you, I would have done whatever #

- Whoo!
- # And I just can't believe we ain't together #

# And I want to play it cool,
but I'm losing you #

# I'll buy you anything
I'll buy you any ring #

- Ooh!
- # And I'm in pieces #

# Baby, fix me #

# And just shake me
till you wake me from this bad dream #

# I'm going down, down, down, down #

# And I just can't believe
my first love won't be around #

# And I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh #

# Like baby, baby, baby, no #

# Like baby, baby, baby, oh #

# I thought you'd always be mine #

# I'm gone #

# Now I'm all gone #

# Now I'm all gone #

# Now I'm all gone #

# Gone, gone #

# I'm gone ##

The Biebster.

I gotta get that girl on my Cheerios.

We want in.

- In what?
- The Justin Bieber Experience. We want in the band.

- But it's a one-man band.
- So, expand.

I don't get it. You guys were totally
making fun of me for singing Bieber.

That's because we underestimated
the power of the Biebs.

He's clearly like a mini-god.

Look how you made all those
chicks melt in Glee Club.

- Now think about the power of four Biebers.
- We'd be unstoppable.

All of our relationships are in the
standard post-Valentine's Day lull.

Are you playing Angry Birds?

- Sorry.
- Want me to show you my abs?

If you want to.

Here's what happens to
the female chemistry.

They get a huge shot of endorphins on Valentine's
Day, and everything is heightened...

and so romantic.

The problem is, days later, when they come
down from their See's candy high...

they crash, and everything else
by comparison is humdrum.

We need a sugary-sweet jolt of the Biebs
to get us some action again.

- Why do you want in, Puckerman?
- I'm at the end of my Lauren Zizes rope.

- I'll try anything to get into those enormous pants.
- Uh, what's goin' on?

We're joining The Justin Bieber Experience,
if Sam's cool with it.

- And if not, we're starting our own band.
- Bieber Fever.

Wait, wait. You guys do realize
that Justin Bieber sucks, right?

Quinn seemed to be pretty into him
when I was singing in Glee Club.

Right. Well, I'm gonna spend
my time working on songs...

- that aren't geared toward 12-year-olds.
- Good.

- Then you won't have time to pick up any other guys' girlfriends.
- Hey. Back off, man.

I didn't kiss your girlfriend.
She saved my life.

So, what do you say? Are we in?

Fine. But we need to figure out
something to do with Puckerman's hair.

Oh, no.

- Those are really cute.
- Thanks.

No way.

You're a genius. They have changed my life.

I didn't know my arms could be so toasty.

You're a hero.
You should win some kind of award.

- What are you doing?
- I'm so sorry, Rachel. It just sort of caught on.

I see that. Okay?
That is not what we agreed upon.

- I want my allowance back right now.
- It's already gone.

My uncle lost his job, and his goat was going
hungry, so I spent it on food for the goat.

I mean, sort of.
The goat just ate the money.

Okay. The only way to proceed is for you
to come to school dressed exactly like me.

- What is that look called?
- Sexy schoolgirl librarian chic.

All right. You'd better get a move on, okay?
Kids "R" Us closes at 6:00 p.m. sharp.

Go, Brittany.

Dear journal, my
lust for life is renewed.

I have found myself
dropped behind enemy lines...

poised to destroy the
Glee Club from within.

Schuester and his
guidance counselor Ginger...

fell for my pity party
hook, line and sinker.

And now I'm in and ready
to sink them once and for all.

Thus begins my plan. I will pit these
Glee Clubbers against one another...

rupturing the group internally
until it explodes like a ripe zit.

You wanted to see me?

Yes. Mercedes, have a seat.

So I've decided I'm going to sing a song
in Glee Club, and I need your advice.

Now, as you may know,
I have a background in music.

For a brief period, I was the tambourine
player for Wilson Phillips.

What I need to learn from you
is how to be a diva.

Oh. Well, you've definitely
come to the right girl.

I mean, being a diva is all about attitude,
something I know you're not short on.

It's all about sassy fingers
and shaking that weave...

and generally taking
no nonsense from nobody.

Dig it, sister.

Well, I have to say I'm flattered
and shocked that you came to me.

Oh, come now, Ra-chelle. It doesn't humble me
too much to say I simply need your tutelage.

Well, I'll say this.
Being a diva is all about emotion.

In fact, you feel so much emotion
that it cannot be physically contained.

Sometimes you have to
close your eyes and turn your head...

and push, push your feelings away!

They're that big!

Wow. Well, that Mercedes
is wrong about you.


- What did she say?
- Oh, I don't remember the specifics.

Just something about you're not as talented as you
think you are and all your ideas are horrible.

I don't know. Something like that.

- She said what?
- Yep. Quote:

"Not that talented."

There you are.
I heard what you said about me.

I heard what you said about me.

Just when I thought we were friends.

- I guess that will just never happen, will it?
- I guess not.

You know, there's only one "I" in
"diva," Rachel, and that "I" is me.

Guess we're just gonna have to settle this
the old-fashioned way.

- Diva-off.
- Tomorrow, Glee Club.

- Why not right now?
- 'Cause I have to go get my cross-trainers.

Want to know why?
I'm gonna be doing some runs.

So, Friday night...

I figured we'd check out the Sullivan Rink.

They have ice rink bumper cars.

I told you.
I haven't decided what I'm doing yet.

Sweet Jesus.
Who bought tickets to Crazy Town?

All right. Looks like the guys here
are ready to give us their anthem.

Hey, everybody. We are the new and improved
The Justin Bieber Experience...

and we think this song is an anthem
because everything Bieber does is epic.

- Truth.
- Anyway...

this song, like all the songs I sing...

is for my girlfriend, Quinn.

Hit it.

# Gotta, gotta keep it
Feels so right #

- # Gotta, gotta Gotta, gotta keep it close #
- # Oh #

# Feels so right #

# Oh, oh
For you I'd write a symphony #

# I'd tell the violin
it's time to sink or swim #

# Watch them play for ya #

- # For you I'd be #
- # Whoa, whoa #

# Running a thousand miles,
just get to where you are #

# Step to the beat of my heart #

# I don't need a whole lot #

# But for you I admit
I'd rather give you the world #

# Or we can share mine #

# I know I won't be the first one
giving you all this attention #

# Baby, listen #

# I just need somebody to love #

# I don't need too much
Just somebody to love #

# Somebody to love #

# I don't need nothing else
I promise, girl, I swear #

# I just need somebody to love #

# I need somebody
I- I need somebody #

# I need somebody
I- I need somebody #

# Every day #

# I'll bring the sun around #

# I sweep away the clouds
Smile for me #

# I would take every second
every single time #

# Spend it like my last dime #

# Step to the beat of my heart #

# I don't need a whole lot #

# But for you I admit
I'd rather give you the world #

# Or let you share mine #

# I know I won't be the first one
giving you all this attention #

# Baby, listen #

- # I just need somebody to love #
- # No, no, no, no, no #

# I don't need too much
Just somebody to love #

- # Somebody to love #
- # Oh, I #

# I don't need nothing else
I promise, girl, I swear #

# I just need somebody to love #

# Somebody to love
Somebody to love #

# Oh, oh, oh #

- # I need somebody #
- # I swear, I just need somebody to love ##




Need a towel.


Uh, I actually can't do Friday.

Hey, Lauren. So, uh, what'd you think?


although my love would crush him...

I'm totally turned on by the Biebster.

That is, until I remember that he looks
like he's 12, then it's sort of creepy.

So if I were gonna give
you a grade, C-plus.

Listen, Zizes. I'm dying here.

You got me every which way,
and we both know I'm not the brightest.

So, please,
what do I have to do to get with you?

I may have a proposition for you.

I'll keep you posted.

Color Me Mine?

I'll color you yours any day.

Mmm. Sammy Evans. You are Biebalicious.

- How are things going with you and Quinn?
- Fine.

No, they're not.

You and I should, uh, talk soon.

Sam's an artist, Finn.

An artist? I guess that's why
he's taking you to Color Me Mine.

I told you I needed time to figure out
what I was gonna do with Sam, and I did.

- I choose him.
- Because of The Justin Bieber Experience?

Look. I thought it was
gonna be stupid too...

but he was so shameless.

He just got up there and owned it.

It was sexy. I'm sorry, Finn.

But like I said, Sam's an artist...

and at the end of the day...

It really turns me on.

Do dudes ever get erections
when they wrestle with you?

Shut it, Puckerman.
We're here to talk business.


Okay. I want to do a number for Glee Club.

It's stage one of my master plan.

Shibby. So, what, you want me
to back you up on my ax?

Yeah, but I also need some advice.

I'm a little bit nervous
about singing in front of a crowd.

- Up until now I've only ever really
sung in the steam shower. - Hot.

But ridiculous. I mean,
you're the most confident chick I know.

Yeah, I know I'm hot, melted butter...

but singing is different,
and I want to be great.

Or at least as good as Berry.

I get nervous before I sing too,
but I always overcome.

- You want to know my secret?
- Yeah.

Oldest trick in the book.
Just picture the audience in their underwear.

- Even the dudes?
- It's not about sex.

It's just about seeing the audience
as more vulnerable than you.

Trust me. It works every time.

- Can I touch your knockers now?
- Only if you want to lose a hand.

But you're on your way.

I want this diva-off to be a bloodbath.

Oh, trust. It's about to go down.

- You look amazing.
- I really do.

This look has to go viral. Is there any way
you can cut class for the rest of the day...

just so you could walk down the halls?

Totally. Most teachers think
by cutting class I might improve my grades.


Why are you dressed like that?
I thought you weren't into the Biebster.

Well, I wasn't, but then
somebody told me...

that Justin Bieber's, like, the king
of YouTube, with over a billion views.

An anthem is supposed to
appeal to the masses, right?

So, before I pick my anthem,
I was working on my anthem look.

Okay, guys and gals. And Sue.

It's the moment we've all been waiting for,
our next diva-off.

So here they are, sure to give us a
fantastic anthem, Mercedes and Rachel.

Let's give it up!

After much argument, I finally convinced Mercedes
that, in order to do a proper diva-off...

it has to come from the Broadway catalog.

Which I think is safe to say
that that gives me a home field advantage.

- Oh, well, you're about to get beat on your own turf.
- Hit it.

# Yeah #

# Yeah, hey #

# Ooh, ooh, ooh #

# Every single day
I walk down the street #

# I hear people say
"Baby, so sweet" #

# Ever since puberty
everybody stares at me #

# Boys, girls
I can't help it, baby #

# So be kind
and don't lose your mind #

# Just remember that I'm your baby #

# Take me for what I am #

# Who I was meant to be #

# And if you give a damn #

# Take me, baby #

# Or leave me #

# Take me, baby, or leave me #

# A tiger in a cage
can never see the sun #

# This diva needs her stage
Baby, let's have fun #

# You are the one I choose #

# Folks would kill to fill your shoes #

# You love the limelight too now, baby #

# So be mine
and don't waste my time #

# Cryin', " Oh, honey bear,
are you still my- my- my baby?" #

# Take me for what I am #

# Who I was meant to be #

# And if you give a damn #

# Take me, baby, or leave me #

# No way can I be what I'm not #

# But hey, don't you want
your girl hot? #

# Don't fight
Don't lose your head #

# 'Cause every night
who's in your bed? #

# Take me for what I am #

# Who I was meant to be #

# And if you give a damn #

- # Take me, baby #
- # Oh, take me, baby #

- # Or leave me #
- # Or leave me #

# Take me, baby #

# Or leave me #

# Guess I'm leaving #

# I'm gone ##

Oh, my God! That was so great!

- No. Her. What about her?
- No. Her.

- Awesome.
- Hey. Where's the hate?

Not the point of Glee Club, Sue.

- I understand you wish to see me.
- Yeah, Sue. I did.

I saw how you were in class today.

What are you doing tomorrow night?
I want to take you somewhere.

No, no. No way. I don't care how depressed
I am. I will not date a curly.

- Not on a date, Sue.
- Still probably not gonna go.

You're interested in making
your comeback, right?

Well, I think it's important
that you see something.

Hate 'em. Hate hospitals, William.

That's why I keep voting
for those death panels.

Sue, I know you. You crack jokes
whenever you get uncomfortable.

Not really joking, William.

And you have a penchant
for sappy scenarios set to music...

so I demand to know where we're going.

We're going to the pediatric cancer ward.

No, no, no.
Once a month, I come down here...

- and I sing songs with some of the
kids getting long-term care. - Yep, no.

No. Sue.

Uh, William, I know what you're getting at.

I have been selfish. Yes, I was ridiculed
on the national stage, but you're right.

It's nothing when you compare it to what many
people have to deal with and come back from.

I should be grateful. Well, congratulations.
I've learned my lesson.

Then let's celebrate.
Let's sing with some kids.

Look. You're right.
Sometimes Glee Club is a little silly.

But we push through the weird
to get to the real stuff.

I mean, music can get at a part of us
that's hard to open up to.

But, please...

go there with me.

I think it'll be good for you, Sue.

No outfits. No jazz hands.

Just... music.

Fine. And, William,
I don't care how adorable those kids are.

If I hear one song
from that classic rock outfit Journey...

I will start pulling catheters.

Come on.


Hi, guys!

- Hi, Will.
- Oh, hey. My man.


Oh, my God.
You're Sue Sylvester. I just saw you on TV.

- Oh.
- Hey, guys.

This lady was interviewed by Katie Couric.

Holy sweet baby Jesus.

What do you say, guys?
You ready to make some music?

- Yeah!
- Yeah! Let's do this thing.

Brought my special little guy with me.

- Yeah!
- Yeah! All right!

All right. And that's all there is to it.

- So, does everyone know their parts?
- Yes.

- Sue?
- My kids are gonna mop the floor with your kids.

Not a chance.
All right. I'm gonna sing the first two...

and, uh, then you guys come in and join me,
just like we practiced.

- All right?
- Okay.

# This little light of mine #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# This little light of mine #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# This little light of mine #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# Let it shine, Let it
shine, Let it shine #

Hide it under a bushel.

# Hide it under a bushel
No! #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# Hide it under a bushel
No! #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# Hide it under a bushel
No! #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# Let it shine, Let it
shine, Let it shine #

# This little light of mine #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# This little light of mine #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# This little light of mine #

# I'm gonna let it shine #

# Let it shine, Let it
shine, Let it shine ##

- Aw.
- Give yourselves a hand. All right.

Good job.

I'll never forgive you for this.


Look, Q. I know that we've had
our differences, but I can't lie.

- That outfit is amazing on you.
- It looks good on everyone.

- Penny loafers and tights- genius.
- Outrageous.

I mean, my carousel horse sweater should make
me look like an institutionalized toddler...

but no, I look hot and smart.

I feel like Michelle Obama.

Oh, my God. You guys look amazing.

Seriously. She's a genius and an icon.

Who is?

Brittany. Who did you think?

Who knew that taking off
that Cheerios uniform...

would turn her into a fashion institution.

Is this a joke?

No. That sweater is.
Who wears a reindeer sweater?

Uh, all three of you.

No. This is a carousel horse.

If you want to know what to wear,
just look to Brittany.

Look. She took the look from me, okay?

- I paid her.
- You're a terrible liar, Rachel.

I can't believe you would take this away
from poor Brittany.

It's sad. You're just sad.

Hey! I need to talk to you.
I want my money back.

Well, I used it to pay a publicist.

- What?
- Jacob Ben Israel posted a photo...

and this Web site called The Sartorialist
named me the Trendiest Girl in America.

Brittany, I'm trying to stage
a comeback here.

Okay, but what exactly
are you coming back from?

- L- - Listen, Rachel.
I'm gonna give you some tough love right now.

You're not a trendsetter. When people look
at you, they don't see what you're wearing.

They see a cat getting its temperature
taken, and then they hear it screaming.

I'm really sorry, but I have to go.

I have an interview with Teen Vogue.

All right. Let's get right down to it.

Starting us off, and making her New
Directions solo debut, Miss Lauren Zizes.

Whoo, ooh!

So what are you gonna sing for us, Lauren?

Here's how I see it.
I know I'm the hottest bitch in this joint.

If I was a country, my flag would be a big
fist giving the rest of the world a finger...

- and this would be my national anthem.
- Okay.

Puckerman, grab your guitar.

Tina, Brittany, ready? Good.

Awesome. Supercool.


Two, three, four.

# I know what boys like #

# I know what guys want #

# I see them looking #

# I make them want me #

# I like to tease them #

# I know what boys like #

# Boys like #

# Boys like me #

# I see you're sad now #

# I will let you #

# Sorry I teased you #

# I will let you #

# This time I mean it #

# I will let you #

# Anything you want #

# You can trust me #

# I really want to #

# You can trust me #

# How would you like it? #

# You can trust me #

# Sucker! #

# I got my cat moves #

# That so upset them #

# Zippers and buttons #

# Fun to frustrate them #

# They get so angry #

# Like pouty children #

# Denied their candy #

# I laugh right at them #

- # I know what boys like #
- Whoo!

# Boys like #

# Boys like me ##



How fricking hot is she?

What was that?

This morning I woke up
and decided to swallow the sun.

That's my James Earl Jones impression.

First of all, that is offensive.

He shot Martin Luther King.

Obi-Wan never told you
what happened to your father.

Okay, you know what?
Let's just cut to the chase.

Despite the fact that your mouth-to-face
ratio is, like, way off...

you still somehow manage to be cute.

But make no mistake.
Every time you open your humongous mouth...

to do an impression, or moisten
an enormous stamp for a lazy giant...

you take one step closer to everyone seeing
that you are actually a dork.

Which is where I come in.
I hereby offer my services as a mistress.

I wants on them froggy lips,
and I wants on 'em now.

- But I'm dating Quinn.
- And this just in: She cheated on you.

- No, she didn't.
- Look. I know you're as dumb as a bag of wet hair...

but you know in your heart she's lying.

That gum ball story was insane.

You're choosing to believe it
so you can still be with her.

But consider my offer.

Not only am I giving you
full visitation rights...

to the set of rambunctious twins
that live on my rib cage...

you get the chance to show that pastry bag
Finn that he can't mess with Sam Evans.

And not just because you can
unlock your humongous jaw...

and swallow him whole like a python...

but because you have
some buzz at this school.

Think about it.

Will, you have a problem.


No. Your Glee kids.

They have no comprehension skills.
Your assignment was anthems...

and I'll be damned as your hairdresser
if any of them sung a single one.

Sue, are you trying to tell me
that you want to perform an anthem?

Well, I'll admit that, uh, your little
field trip to the house of sad...

inspired me a bit.

But I'm not gonna go it alone.
The whole crew has to sing it with me.

And here's the catch: No more Bieber.

No hoodies.
No pocket lesbian Bieber hair.

Well, that can be arranged.

What's your song?

# Sing it out #

# Boy, you've got to see
what tomorrow brings #

# Sing it out #

# Girl, you've got to be
what tomorrow needs #

# For every time
that they want to count you out #

# And use your voice #

- # Ooh #
- # Every single time #

# You open up your mouth #

# Sing it for the boys #

# Sing it for the girls #

# Every time that you lose it,
sing it for the world #

# Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you're nuts #

# Sing it out for the ones
that'll hate your guts #

# Sing it for the deaf
Sing it for the blind #

# Sing about everyone
that you left behind #

# Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world #

# Cleaned up
Corporation progress #

# Dying in the process #

# Buy yourself the motivation
Generation nothing #

# Nothing but a dead scene
Product of a white dream #

# I am not the singer that you wanted
but a dancer #

# I refuse to answer
Talk about the passer #

# Ruling for the ones
who want to get away #

# Keep runnin' #

# Sing it for the boys
Sing it for the girls #

# Every time that you lose it,
sing it for the world #

# Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you're nuts #

# Sing it out for the ones
that'll hate your guts #

# Sing it for the deaf
Sing it for the blind #

# Sing about everyone
that you left behind #

# Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world #

# We've got to see
what tomorrow brings #

# Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world #

# Boy, you've got to be
what tomorrow needs #

# Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world ##

Whoo! Yeah!

Hey. Do you think I could borrow
one of your T-shirts...

to use as a smock tonight at Color Me Mine?

I kind of have a thing
for wearing my boyfriend's shirts.

We're not going to Color Me Mine.

And I'm not your boyfriend.

Wait. Why?

Because you can't look me
in the eye right now...

and tell me that you didn't
make out with Finn.

I want to be with you, Sam.

Forget it, okay? No harm, no foul.

Oei ngati kameie.

Crap. Santana told me
to stop speaking Na'vi.

Since when is Santana
telling you what to do?

Since we started going out.

# I thought you'd always be mine #

# I'm gone ##

- When did that happen?
- All right.

I hate to say it,
but I think we all owe Sue a big thank-you.

She may hate us, but she did give us
a kick-butt song for regionals.

- Yeah, she did.
- Yeah.

- That's right.
- That's right.

Mr. Schuester, I think that our admiration
for Coach Sylvester...

might just be a little premature.

While I love My Chemical Romance, and I
think we all kicked butt on that number...

as our team leader
and arbiter of all that is good...

I have to say that I don't think that
that song is good enough for regionals.

The Warblers have Kurt and Blaine
as their, like, one-two punch...

and Aural Intensity
kicked our butt last year.

We can't just do any song
to beat either of those teams.

You mean a number where you don't
get to sing the entire song.

- Guys, this isn't about me.
- What do you suggest, Rachel?

We need to be bold and epic.

We need to write our own
original music for regionals.

We need an undisputable advantage.

Check out dwarf Diane Warren.

Look. We can't lose regionals again this year, you guys.
Okay? You have to trust me.

I feel really, really strongly about this.

Let's put it to a vote. Okay, Rachel?

All those in favor
of doing an original song?

Chemical Romance?

- Hey there, buddy.
- Sue.

You know, I have to be honest.
We missed you in here today.

- Mmm.
- Oddly, you're, uh, kind of a fun addition.

Oh, Will. Charles Manson would have been
a fun addition to your pack of losers.

Well, looks like
you're back to your old self.

Ah, hardly. I'm on my way to becoming
someone much better.

You've inspired me, Will.
You've made me realize...

I have more to offer the world
than coming up with...

spectacular life-threatening
cheerleading tumbles.

I got the music in me.

Sue, that is great.

I mean, with that attitude
you are welcome in here anytime.

Oh, I couldn't do that.
It'd be spying on the competition.


No one told you? I got a part-time gig.

Yeah, I'm the new coach
for Aural Intensity.

That's impossible.

Oh, nothing's impossible, Will,
when you have a positive attitude.

You taught me that. Isn't it great?

Geez, I got my mojo back...

still get to dedicate my life
to destroying yours.

Life's good.

See you at regionals.

- You must be happy.
- Why is that?

Quinn's back on the market. I mean, she'll
be easy pickings after what Sam did to her.

I don't want to talk about Quinn.
I want to talk about you.

You were right in there today about
that number not being good enough to win.

We need to write our own songs.

Why didn't you say that when I needed you?

It wouldn't have made a difference.
The only way to prove it to those guys...

is to write a great song
and shove it down their throats.

Well, do you think
that you and I should do it together?

No, I think you should do it yourself.

Let's face it.
You're the real trendsetter in there...

and if someone was gonna write a song
to win regionals, it would be you.

You really believe in me that much?


You know...

I really like the Rachel
that I saw in there today.

Reminded me of the old you.

Focused and take no prisoners.

I think she might be making a comeback.

English - US - SDH