Glee (2009–2015): Season 1, Episode 22 - Journey to Regionals - full transcript

The moment New Directions has been waiting for has finally arrived: it's time for Regionals! But when Sue pulls a fast one on Will and the glee clubbers, their chances at the title could be compromised. Meanwhile, Quinn's life changes forever.

't know why anyone would miss
an episode of Glee,

but here's what's been
happening in case you did:

Quinn's parents found out
she's pregnant

so they kicked her out.
I needed my mom.

MERCEDES: So it's decided.

You move in with me.

Jessie dropped Rachel and McKinley

and the New Directions and he's
back on Vocal Adrenaline

which freaked everybody out and
convinced them they can't

beat them at Regionals and if they
don't place at Regionals,

the club is over,
which would be awful.

And that's what you missed on Glee.

Hey, buddy, see you on Saturday.

Wait. What?

At Regionals. Didn't you hear?

I'm one of the judges.

You cannot allow this to happen!

It's out of my hands, William.

I have no control over what

the Show Choir Governing Board
says or does.

Let me break it down for you, Will.

It's been decided that
this year's Regionals

will be judged by celebrities.

And I'm a celebrity

now, William.

Now I realize my cultural

ascendance only serves

to illuminate your own banality,

but face it.

I'm a legend. It's happened.

Do you have any idea how hard
my kids have been working, Sue?

I have to be honest, Will.

I'm having a really
difficult time hearing

anything you have
to say today because

your hair looks like
a briar patch.

I keep expecting racist

animated Disney characters to pop up

and start singing songs
about living on the bayou.

Principal Figgins, I am begging you.

Do not let her do this to those kids.

William, I resent the implication

that I don't play by the rules.

You leaked our set list at Sectionals, Sue.

I have no memory of that.

I will not let you do this.

We have worked ourselves to
the bone to get where we are.

I'm sorry, Will, but our arrangement stands.

You must win or place at Regionals,

or I'm disbanding the club.

If I were you, I would spend

less time complaining to me and more time

convincing Judge Sylvester
here that your New Directions

have got the goods!

Good luck with that, Will.

I can't do this.

Yes, you can.

Have another wine cooler.

I'm president of the Celibacy Club.

I took a vow.

So did Santana and Brittany, and I did them.

What about Finn?

He's your best friend.

Come on. We're in high school.

You think either one of
us is going to give a damn

about Finn in three years?

Life's just a bunch of
experiences, you know?

You don't get a medal at the
finish line for being good.

You just get dead.

Okay, but you can't tell anybody.

I can't lose my rep.

Our secret, baby.

What about protection?

I got it, trust me.

This isn't just another hookup for me.

Tell me one more time.

You're not fat.

WILL: Quinn?


Are you all right?

It's been a long year.


Oh, you need some help with those plates?

I'm not due for a month.

Think I can handle a stack of plates.

Right. I'm...


No one wants any pizza?

All right, well, uh, let's get started.

Thank you for coming to the first

annual New Directions' Regionals'

set list nominations party.

What's the point, Mr. Shue?

Coach Sylvester's one of the judges.

She's gonna crush us.

Artie, you don't know that.

Yes, we do.

She told us at Cheerios practice.

Yeah, she said,
"I'm going to crush Glee Club."

PUCK: A whole freaking year.

All that hard work for nothing.

I'm sorry.

I just really love you guys.

You know how many Facebook friends I had

before I joined Glee Club?

Two. My parents.

Rachel was right.

Being a part of something special--

it made me special.

I just can't

believe it's going to be over in a week.

Wait. Who says it's going to be over?

Please. You think Puck and Santana

are going to even acknowledge

my existence once we're not

in Glee Club together anymore?

She has a point.

Mr. Schuester?

Do you think instead of nominating songs,

we can just... all go around the room

and talk about things that we loved about

Glee Club this year?

WILL: It took everything I had not to

It's like they've all
walked a thousand miles

just to get punched in the stomach.

What exactly are you
looking for from me here?

Some guidance.

Do you remember when you were going

to quit teaching and become an accountant,

and I showed you that video of
yourself singing at Nationals,

and you said that that was the
happiest moment of your life?

Do you remember why?

Because I loved what I was doing.

And isn't that what you've been drilling

into their heads all year?

That that feeling is way more important

than winning or losing?

I miss you.

I'm seeing someone.


His-his name's Carl.

Carl... Howell.

He's my dentist.

He's always been very impressed
with my oral hygiene,

and the last time I was there,
he was showing me

the machines that they use
to sterilize their tools,

and he asked me out.

We've been going out
every night since then.

You two haven't...?

Sorry. I'm-I'm sorry.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no, that's... No.

It's fine. That's fine.

I just feel like you and
I had our shot, Will.

Thanks for the help.

Um, no, by the way.

We haven't.

?? Up and down the boulevard ??

?? Their shadows ??

?? Searching in the night ??

?? Streetlights, people ??

?? Living just to find emotion ??

?? Hiding somewhere ??

?? In the night. ??

Hey! We need to talk.

We had a chance of keeping it together

at Mr. Shue's until you decided to bail.

You're our leader, Rachel.

The way you're on everyone
all the time is annoying, but

it's also what keeps the club motivated.

You and I are going to fix this.

We're going to Regionals,
and we're going to win this thing.

RACHEL: Mr. Schuester, Finn and I

have something we want to say to you.

Me first. Have a seat.

Nine months ago,
there were five of you in here.

And we sucked.

I mean, we really sucked.


One day,
all of you are going to be gone.

And all of this, all of us

will be nothing but a hazy memory.

It will take you a second
to remember everyone's name.

Someone will have to remind you

of the songs we sung, the solos

you got or didn't get.

Life only

really has one beginning

and one end, and the rest is just

a whole lot of middle.

And I love you guys too much

to let you not make the most of it.

Now, I was going to quit once,

but you guys brought me back with "
Don't Stop Believing."

It was a nine,

but we are going to make it a ten.

We're doing "Don't Stop" at Regionals?

And then some.

We are doing a Journey medley.

Because who cares what
happens when we get there

when the getting there has been so much fun?


You had something you wanted to say?

Just that we're all really glad
you didn't become an accountant.


here we come!

And now, our panel of judges.

He's an international musical sensation,

a platinum recording artist 20 times over,

the inimitable Mr. Josh Groban!

She's a four-time Grammy winner

who starred in the highest-grossing

movie musical of all time, Ms.
Olivia Newton-John!

He's a two-time local

Emmy winner and broadcasting icon,

WOHN news anchor Rod Remington!

She is fresh off her fifth consecutive

National Cheerleading Title

and author of the soo
n-to-be-published memoir,

I'm A Winner and You're Fat,

Ohio's home-grown iconoclast,

Coach Sue Sylvester!

And now, our first
performance of the evening,

from Westvale High in
scenic Fort Wayne, Indiana,

Aural Intensity!

: ?? You raise me up... ??

?? You have to believe we are magic... ??

A mash up of Olivia Newto
n-John and Josh Groban.

Are you kidding me?!

Somebody tipped them off about
the judges. Guys, we can't

get distracted by what the
other teams are doing.

We just got to keep our
heads in the game and focus.

Even though we know we can't win?


If this is only about winning for you guys,

then I owe you all an apology,
because I've failed you.

And we should just all go home,

because it means we've already lost.


we have got something that
the other groups don't.

ARTIE: What?

Finn's dancing.

Right? Come on.

Now let's get out there. We got two minutes.

Aural Intensity's almost finished.

Bring it in. Come on. Come on.

Let's go, go, go, go, go and...

ALL: Whoa!

Break a leg.

I love you.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentleman,
our second competitors,

winner of the Central Ohio Sectional,

McKinley High's New Directions!

?? Highway run ??

?? Into the midnight sun ??

?? Wheels go round and round ??

?? You're on my mind ??

?? Restless hearts ??

?? Sleep alone tonight ??

?? Sending all my love ??

?? Along the wire ??

BOTH: ?? They say that the road
ain't no place to start a family ??

?? Right down the line
it's been you and me ??

?? And loving a music man ain't always ??

?? What it'supposed to be ??

RACHEL: ?? Oh, boy ??

?? You stand by me ??

BOTH: ?? I'm forever yours ??

?? Faithfully ??

?? Oh, oh, oh, oh ??

?? Faithfully ??

?? Oh, oh, oh, oh ??

?? I'm still yours... ?? ?? Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh ??

?? I'm still yours... ??

?? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ??

?? Oh, oh, oh, oh ??

?? I'm still yours... ??

?? Faithfully. ??

?? Any way you want it,
that's the way you need it ??

?? Any way you want it ??

?? Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ??

FINN: ?? She loves to laugh ??

?? She loves to sing ??

?? Ba da ?? ?? She does everything ??

?? Ba da ?? ?? She loves to move ??

?? Ba da, ba da ?? ??
She loves to groove ??

?? She loves the lovin' things ??

?? It won't be long, yeah ??

?? Till you're alone ??

?? When you lover ?? ?? Lover ??

?? Oh, he hasn't come home ?? ?? Ooh,
oh-oh-oh ??

?? 'Cause he's lovin' ??

?? Lovin' ?? ?? He's touchin' ??

?? Touchin' ??

?? He's squeezin' ??

?? Another ??

?? Another... ??

?? Any way you want,
that's the way you need it ??

?? Any way you want it ??

?? Any way you want it ??

?? She said, "Any way you want it" ??

?? "That's the way you need it" ??

?? "Any way you want it" ??

?? Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ??

?? I was alone ?? ?? Ba da ??

?? I never knew ?? ?? Ba da ??

?? What good love could do ??

?? Ba da ??

FINN AND RACHEL: ?? Ooh, then we touched ??

?? Then we sang ?? ?? Ba da ??

?? About the lovin' things ??

?? 'Cause he's lovin' ?? ?? Lovin' ??

?? He's touchin' ?? ?? Touchin' ??

?? He's squeezin' ??

?? Another ?? ?? Yeah, yeah... ??

?? Any way you want it,
that's the way you need it ??

?? Any way you want it ?? ??
Any way you want it ??

?? She said, "Any way you want it,
that's the way you need" ??

?? "Any way you want it" ??

?? Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ??

?? Na, na-na, na, na-na ??

?? Na, na-na, na, na ??

?? Na, na-na, na, na-na ??

?? Na, na-na, na-na ??

?? Any you want it,
that's the way you need it. ??

?? Da, da, da, da ??

?? Da, da, da, da ??

?? Da, da, da, da ??

?? Da, da, da, da ??

?? Da, da, da, da... ??

?? Just a small town girl ??

?? Da, da, da... ??

?? Living in a lonely world ??

?? Da, da, da, da... ??

?? She took the midnight
train going anywhere ??

?? Da, da, da, da... ??

?? Just a city boy ??

?? Born and raised in South Detroit ??

?? Da, da, da, da... ??

?? He took the midnight
train going anywhere ??

?? Da, da ??

?? A singer in a smoky room ??

?? A smell of wine and cheap perfume ??

?? For a smile they can share the night ??

?? It goes on and on and on and on ??

?? Strangers, waiting ?? ?? Da,
da, da, da ??

?? Da, da ??

?? Up and down the boulevard ??

?? Their shadows searching in the night ??

?? Da, da ??

?? Streetlight, people ??

?? Da, da ??

?? Living just to find emotion ??

?? Hiding somewhere ??

?? In the night ??

?? Don't stop... ??

?? Don't stop believin' ??

?? Hold on to that feeling ??

?? Streetlight, people ??

?? Whoa... ??

?? Don't stop. ??

That was awesome!

Oh, my God!

We've got second place in the bag.

Screw that. We are going to win this!



What are you doing here?

Is Dad okay...?

I came to hear you sing.

You were wonderful.

I'm-I'm so sorry I missed

all the other times you performed.
Were there a lot?

I left your father.

Well, I-I... kicked m out, actually.

He was having an affair

with some, uh... tattooed freak.


I want you to come home with me.

I can turn the guest room into a nursery.

Oh, sweetie, say something.

My water just broke.

? is This real? ? ?? Is this just fantasy? ??

?? Caught in a landslide ??

?? No escape from reality ??

?? Open your eyes ??

?? Look up to the skies and see ??

?? I'm just a poor boy ?? ?? Ooh ??

?? Ah ?? ?? I need no sympathy ??

?? Because I'm easy come, easy go ??

?? Little high, little low ??

?? Any way the wind blows
doesn't really matter ??

?? To me ??

?? To me ??

?? Mama ??

?? Just killed a man ??

?? Put a gun against his head ??

?? Pulled my trigger ??

?? Now he's dead ??

?? Mama ?? Mom, it hurts so bad!

?? Life had justegun...
?? My daughter is having a baby.

?? But now I've gone ?? Uh, right this way.

?? And thrown it all away ??

Wait! Wait!

I want Mercedes with me, too.

?? Mama ??

?? Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ??

?? Didn't mean to make you cry ??

?? If I'm not back again
this time tomorrow ??

?? Carry on, carry on ??

?? As if nothing really matters ??

?? Too late ??

?? My time has come ??

?? Sends shivers down my spine ??

?? Body's aching all the time ??

?? Good-bye everybody ??

?? I've got to go ??

?? Got to leave you all
behind and face the truth ??

Mommy! ?? Mama ??

?? Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ?? QUINN: Ooh!

?? Any way the wind blows ??

?? I don't want to die ??

?? I sometimes wish I'd
never been born at all... ??

It's never coming, ever!

Shut up!

Ooh, you suck! You suck! You suck! You suck!

Come on, Quinney.

?? I see a little silhouetto of a man ??

?? Scaramouche, scaramouche,
will you do the fandango? ??

?? Thunderbolt and lightning ??

?? Very very frightening me ??

?? Galileo ?? ?? Galileo ??

?? Galileo ?? ?? Galileo ??

?? Galileo figaro ??

?? Magnifico ??

?? I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me ??

?? He's just a poor boy from a poor family

?? Spare him his life from this monstrosity

?? Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? ??

?? Bismillah! ??

?? No! We will not let you go ??

Let me go! ?? Let him go ??

?? Bismillah! We will not
let you go! ??

Let me go! ?? Let him go! ??

?? Bismillah! ??

?? We will not let you go ??
Let me go!

?? Will not let you go, let me go ??

?? Will not let you go, let him go ??

?? Oh, oh, oh ??

No! No! No! No! No! No! ?? No! No! No! No!
No! No! ??

Okay, she's crowning! ?? Oh,
mama mia, mama mia ??

?? Mama mia, let me go ?? Push, baby.

?? Beelzebub has a devil put aside ??

Come on, Quinn, push. ?? For me ??

?? For me ??

?? For me! ??

?? So you think you can stone
me and spit in my eye ??

?? So you think you can love
me and leave me to die ??

?? Oh, baby ??

?? Can't do this to me, baby ??

?? Just gotta get out,
just gotta get right out of here ??

?? Ooh, ooh, ooh ??

?? Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah ??

?? Nothing really matters ??

?? Anyone can see ??

?? Nothing really matters ??

?? Nothing really matters ??

?? To me ??

?? Any way the wind blows. ??

Hi. Hi.


Thanks, Rachel.

But we beat you today.

Jessie's a good singer, but

you and I both know he
doesn't have much heart.

Vocal Adrenaline's best days are behind it.

So I have a proposition for you.

Come teach at McKinley.

Excuse me?

You and-and Mr. Schuester
could be co-directors.

We'd be unstoppable.

There's so much that you can teach me.

So much only you can teach me.

Oh, Rachel, I can't do this anymore.

I'm tired of coaching glee club.

I want a life.

It took meeting you to realize

all the stuff that I missed out on.

I need some balance, you know?

I need a house and a garden

and a dog, a f...


I missed out on my chance with you,

and it kills me.

And I can't let that happen again.

Where's the rest of your team?

They're, uh... they're at the hospital.

Quinn had her baby. Is she okay?

Yeah, she's fine.

It was, um...

It's a beautiful baby girl.

Newton-John? You're dead to me.

Remington, Horsey,
have a seat and listen up.

I don't care who comes in first,

I don't care who places send, but I have

a very strong opinion
about who comes in third.

Sue, if I may.

That "Bohemian Rhapsody"

had me a-movin' and a-shakin',
and I'm talking old school.

You know, I partied with Freddy
Mercury back in the '70s,

and I partied... hard,
if you know what I mean.

Back then, people weren't
so obsessed with labels.

I, for one, was offended

that only one of the groups
chose to honor me in song.

I think Aural Intensity should win.


Two questions. One: Are you single?

And two: How about those New Directions?

I liked them. I thought
they had a lot of... heart.

Heart? Oh, please.

Talk about blatant tokenism.

That whole "We're inspiring, we're a ragtag

bunch of misfits" thing is so 2009.

I couldn't agree more. Let's vote.

The production values simply weren't there.

Couldn't they afford better costumes?

Are they a poor person school?

GROBAN: I thought that
brunette had an amazing voice.

Brunettes have no place

in show business.

Oh, come on. They're just kids.

That's no excuse. By the time I was 14,

I'd already formed a band.

When Josh Groban was their age,

he was already in The Mickey Mouse Club or

As the only educator here, let me point out

that not all kids are afforded

the same opportunities as others.

Is that what you tell yourself
to get to sleep at night?

Some people just simply don't have talent.

You think you're a celebrity. You're not.

You just try hard. That's about it.

Olivia Newton-John has a valid point here.

You have a lot in common

with those kids at your school, Sue.

Underachievers with delusions of grandeur.


Now even I have to admit,
I'm a little confused

as to what Sue is doing in this room.

Wasn't the theme tonight
supposed to be celebrity judges?

Kiss my ass, Josh Groban!

I am a internationall
y-ranked cheerleading coach!

Who lives in Ohio. When this is done

today, Josh and I are flying
back to L.A. first class.

You'll be staying here.

Just like those kids.

I think we've all made up our minds.

Let's vote.

Thank you all for coming.

As you all know, glee club

is such an important...

And I honestly can't even
finish that sentence.

So let's just get to it.

The 2010 Midwest Regional Runners-up

from Fort Wayne, Indiana,

the not-at-all stupidly-named

Aural Intensity!

SUE: Very good.


And now,

your 2010 Midwest Regional
Show Choir Champions

Vocal Adrenaline!

We didn't even place.

Love. She looks like you.

Do you want to keep her?


Do you?

Did you love me?


Especially now.

Which one is yours?

What are you doing here?

I see her now.

She looks like you.

Does she have a name?




I like that name.

How do you even call yourself a principal?

Okay, this is... this is it. This is not...


Emma?! What was that about? It's so unfair.

Will, your kids have
worked so hard for this.

Did you know he's already given
your choir room to the Mock UN?

A deal's a deal. We lost, Emma.

Because Sue cheated!

She cheated, Will, and where do you think

all that money's going? It's going right

into her pockets. We just...

We can't let her win this one!

How can you just stand there
and be so calm about this?

How can you just give up so easily?

I've tried, Emma,

okay? It...

It-It's over.

No. No, it's never over.

I don't care what anybody says.

Some things are worth fighting for.

You mean like the kids? Yes, of course.

Anything else? No.

No. This is about the glee club.
This is not about us.

The hell it is.

I love you, Emma.

There, I finally said it.

And you love me, and dentist or no,

this thing isn't over between us.

RACHEL: Mr. Schuester?


Can you please come to the auditorium?


So we have something we need to say to you.

In the beginning of this year,

I was just another football player.

I had a stutter.

I was a closeted diva.

I used to be captain of the Cheerios.

I was afraid to dance outside my room.

I hated everyone in this club.

So did I.

I wasn't honest about who I was.

I was tossing kids into Dumpsters.

I had never kissed a girl before.

And I was getting slushied.

I didn't-I didn't have a father.

Someone I could look up to.

Model myself after.

Someone who could show me what
it really meant to be a man.

We don't care what the judges say.

We won.

Because we had you as a teacher.

MERCEDES: And Glee Club will never end,

Mr. Shue, because...

you are Glee Club.

And you're in all of us now.

?? Those schoolgirl days ??

?? Of telling tales ??

?? And biting nails are gone ??

?? But in my mind ??

?? I know they will ??

?? Still live on and on ??

?? But how do you thank someone ??

?? Who has taken you from
crayons to perfume? ??

?? Oh, it isn't easy ??

?? But I'll try ??

?? If you wanted the sky,
I would write across the sky ??

?? In letters that would soar ??

?? A thousand feet high ??

?? To Sir, with love ??

?? The time has come ??

?? For closing books ??

?? And long last looks must end ??

?? And as I leave ??

?? I know that I am leaving ??

?? My best friend ??

?? A friend who taught me right from wrong ??

?? And weak from strong,
that's a lot to learn ??

?? What can I give you in return? ??

?? Oh, if you wanted the moon ??

?? I would try to make a start ??

?? But I would rather ??

?? You let me give my heart ??

?? To Sir, with love. ??

It's as barren as me in here, Will.

Moving on to greener pastures?

Did you just come to gloat, Sue?


Well... congratulations.

You got what you wanted.

I should shake your hand.

Not unless you got some hand sanitizer.

I've seen that car you drive;
I don't want to catch poor.

Explain something to me.

Maybe we weren't good enough yet
to beat Vocal Adrenaline-- fine.

But we were so much better
than Aural Intensity.

Oh, William, I can't reveal
how the voting went down.

That would betray my sacred
oath as judge or something.

The results simply show

the other clubs to be more deserving.

All I can say is casting my vote was

It reflected exactly how
I felt in my heart

about which team should win.

Well, Sue, congratulations.

You win.

I lose.

The kids lose.

I know you think I'm heartless, Will,

and you may have a point.

I spend large segments of each day

picturing you choking on food.

And I recently contacted

an exotic animal dealer because I had

a very satisfying dream

that the two of us went to a zoo,
and I shoved your face

into one of those pink inflamed monkey butts

that weeps lymph.

And I know that you think I'm a bad person

because I remain unmoved by your
nattering of trite platitudes

to your ill-shapen students

about how the human
condition can be improved

by, yes, singing about it.

And I've proven that I can
wipe you and your Glee Club

off the face of this earth.

But what kind of a world
would that be, Will?

A world where I couldn't
constantly ridicule your hair.

World where I couldn't make
fun of you for tearing up

more than Michael Landon
in a sweeps week's episode

of Little House on the Prairie.

And you know what, Will?

Sue Sylvester's not sure

she wants to live in that kind of world.

So I had a little talk with Figgins.

Glee Club gets another year.

I get what I want.

Do you really not understand

how this sexual blackmail thing works?

Enough, Sue!

I will not be blackmailed by you anymore!

I will tell my wife of our
heated sexual congress

before I will be bullied by you again!

One last chit, Figgy.

Give the glee club another year,
and I won't mention us

making the beast with two backs again.


We have another year?

You're a good teacher, Will.

Now, I don't like you so much.

But I admire you

and the work you're doing with your kids.

I really do.

Bon chance, William.

I relish the thought of another full year

of constantly besting you.

You know, Sue, inside...

you're a really good person.

You have a heart.

Okay, let go of my hand.


I appreciate what you're
doing for these kids.

I won't forget it.

And I'm seriously going
to puke in your mouth.

We've got another year.


Come on, we got another year!

What?! Oh, my God!


Are you serious?!

: Whoa!

Okay, you guys, I think this is
the perfect opportunity for us

to start rehearsing for
next year's Sectionals


Guys, you've all worked
really hard this year,

and you deserve a break. But I have ideas.

Take the summer off.

Have some fun.

Oh, but before you go,
I have something for you.

You all sang for me the other day,

so today I'd like to return the favor.

Puck, if you're ready.

?? Ooh, ooh, ooh ??

?? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ??

?? Ooh, ooh, ooh ??

?? Somewhere ??

?? Over the rainbow ??

?? Way up high ??

?? There's a land that I dreamed of ??

?? Once in a lullaby... ??

?? Oh, somewhere ??

?? Over the rainbow ??

?? Skies are blue ??

?? And the dreams that you dare to dream ??

?? Really do come true... ??

All the adoption papers seem to be in order.

But there's no name on the
birth certificate yet.

It's Beth.

?? Oh, someday I'll wish upon a star ??

?? And wake up where the clouds are far ??

?? Behind me ??

?? Where troubles melt like lemon drops ??

?? High above the chimney tops ??

?? That's where ??

?? You'll find me ??

?? Oh, somewhere ??

?? Over the rainbow ??

?? Bluebirds fly ??

?? Birds fly over the rainbow ??

?? Why then, oh, why can't I? ??

?? I... ??