Glee (2009–2015): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

High school teacher Will Schuester tries to reinvent McKinley High School's Glee Club.

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- ♪ I was falling in love ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Set me free
why don't you, babe ♪

♪ You just keep me hangin' on ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah
It's about that time ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Back-Back-Back-Back-Back-Back
Back, come on ♪

♪ Hey, girl
You can do it ♪

♪Just kick your back into it ♪

♪Just kick your ♪

♪ Go, go, go Go, go,
go Go, go, go, go ♪

You think this is hard? Try being
waterboarded. That's hard. [Whistle Blows]



[Brakes Squeal]

Guys.

[Man]
Making some new friends, Kurt?

He sure is, Mr. Schue.

Hey, Finn. You still owe me that
report on— [Speaks Spanish]

What?
What you did last summer.

Almost halfway done with
almost all of it, Mr. Schue.

- It's "Hammer time."
- Please. This is from Marc Jacobs's new collection.

Wait.

Okay.

♪ You're a shining star ♪

♪ No matter who you are ♪

[Bell Rings]
♪ Shining bright to see ♪

♪ What you can truly be
What you can truly be ♪



♪ Shining star come into view ♪
¿Cómo está usted? Yo me Ilamo Guillermo.

[In Unison] ¿Cómo está
usted? Yo me Ilamo Guillermo.

[Spanish]

[Repeating Spanish In Unison]

[Mr. Schue]
Bueno. Bueno.

- ♪ Shining star for you to see ♪
- [Bell Ringing]

♪ What your life
can truly be ♪♪

♪♪ [Piano]

♪ Where is love ♪

♪ Is love ♪

♪ Does it fall from
skies above ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Is it underneath ♪

♪ The willow tree ♪

♪ That I've been dreaming of♪

[Bell Ringing] [Mr. Schue]
Where's the coffeepot?

Figgins got rid of it.
Budget cuts.

You know, I know for a fact that they
are still getting hot java at Carver.

We should strike.

Hello, boys.
Who needs a pick-me-up?

- Wow. Lattes.
- Yeah. I'm a bit of a coffee snob.

Now, the key
to a perfect latte...

is in the temperature
of the steamed milk.

- I like mine scalding.
- Wow.

- Hi, Emma.
- Hey, Ken.

- Will, hi.
- Hey.

- What's with all the lattes?
- Oh, Emma, I just felt so awful...

that Figgins cut the coffee budget to pay
for a nutritionist for the "Cheerios."

Yeah. I heard you guys went,
like, $600 over budget on that.

My performers didn't get on Fox Sports Net
last year because they ate at Bacon Junction.

Since when are
cheerleaders performers?

Your resentment
is delicious.

Well, I have a "phoner"
in a couple minutes—

That's an interview on the telephone
with a major media outlet.

[Chuckling] I'll probably
do it on my iPhone.

Enjoy.
Thanks a lot, Sue.

I missed you at the, uh,

singles mixer
last weekend, Emma.

Yeah, I know. A big pipe
exploded in my building.

It was wild. I hate those
mixer things though. Don't you?

I mean, it's like a big
meat market. It's just— Ew.

I did give my number
to a fireman though.

But he hasn't called.

There's someone out there for
everyone. I wouldn't even sweat it.

[Plastic Bag Tearing]

Mmm. Hey, did you hear
that Sandy Ryerson got fired?

Really?
Mm-hmm.

- Who's gonna take over Glee Club?
- I don't know.

I'd like to
take over Glee Club.

You want to captain
the Titanic too?

I think I can make it great again.
There is no joy in these kids.

They feel invisible. That's why
every one of them has a MySpace page.

Sixty bucks a month. That's what
I need to keep this program up.

A-A-And you—
you expect me to pay it?

Well, I'm certainly not
going to pay for it.

We're not talking
about Cheerios here, Will.

They were on Fox Sports Net
last year.

When Glee Club starts bringing that
kind of prestige to the school again,

you can have all
the money you want.

Until then,
60 bucks a month,

and you've got to use the
costumes and props we already have.

- But we need the stools for wood shop.
- [Bell Ringing]

[Narrating] Hiding the $60 a month
from my wife, Terri, was gonna be hard.

But I had a bigger problem. How was
I gonna get these kids motivated?

One thing I knew for sure—
we needed a new name.

New Directions!

[Bell Ringing]

My name is Mercedes Jones,
and I'm singing—

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care of T.C.B. ♪

♪ Oh, hey, baby ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪

Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel, and
I'll be singing "Mr. Cellophane."

♪ Cellophane
Mr. Cellophane ♪

♪ Should've been my name
Mr. Cellophane ♪

♪ 'Cause you can
look right through me ♪

♪ Walk right by me ♪

♪ And never know I'm there ♪

♪ Never even ♪

♪ Know ♪

♪ I'm there ♪♪

[Girl] Tina C.
"I Kissed a Girl."

♪ It's not what I'm used to ♪

♪Just wanna try you on ♪

♪ I'm curious ♪

♪ For you
caught my attention ♪

♪ I kissed a girl
and liked it ♪♪

[Bell Ringing]

Hi.
My name is Rachel Berry,

and I'll be singing "On My Own" from
the seminal Broadway classic LesMis.

Fantastic.
Let's hear it.

♪ On my own ♪

♪ Pretending he's beside me ♪♪

[Rachel Narrating] You might laugh
because every time I sign my name...

I put a gold star after it.

But it's a metaphor.
And metaphors are important.

My gold stars are a metaphor
for me being a star.

And just so we're clear, I want
to clear up that hateful rumor...

that I was the one who turned that
closet case Sandy Ryerson in...

because he gave Hank Saunders
the solo I deserved.

That's cockapoopie.

[Crying] He was touching
Hank, caressing him.

It was so wrong!

[Crying Continues]

[Narrating Resumes] I am not homophobic.
In fact, I have two gay dads.

See, I was born out of love.

My two dads screened potential
surrogates based on beauty and I.Q.

Then they mixed their sperm
together and used a turkey baster.

To this day, we don't know
which one is my real dad,

which I think is pretty amazing.

My dads spoiled me in the arts.

I was given dance lessons,
vocal lessons—

anything to give me
a competitive edge.

You might think that all the boys in
school would totally want to tap this,

but my MySpace schedule keeps me
way too busy to date.

I try to post a MySpace video every day
just to keep my talent alive and growing.

♪ Without him ♪ Nowadays, being
anonymous is worse than being poor.

Fame is the most important thing
in our culture now.

And if there’s one thing I've learned,
it's that no one's just gonna hand it to you.

♪ I love him ♪

♪ But every day
I'm learning ♪

♪ All my life ♪
[Laughing]

♪ I've only been pretending ♪

♪ Without me
his world will go on turning ♪

♪ A world that's full
of happiness ♪

♪ That I have never known ♪

♪ I love him ♪

♪ I love him ♪

♪ I love him ♪

♪ But only on my ♪

♪ Own ♪♪

Very nice, Rachel.

When do we start rehearsals?

- ♪ And I said to myself, sit down ♪
- ♪ Said to myself, sit down ♪

- ♪ Sit down You're rockin' the boat ♪
- Bigger hands. Big hands.

♪ Sit down
You're rockin' the boat ♪

♪ And the devil
will drag you under ♪

♪ By the sharp lapel
of your checkered coat ♪

♪ Sit down, sit down
sit down, sit down ♪

♪ Sit down
You're rockin' the boat ♪

♪ Sit down, you're rockin' Sit down, sit
down, sit down You're rockin' the boat ♪

♪ Sit down, you're rockin' Sit down, sit
down, sit down You're rockin' the boat ♪

♪ Sit down ♪

♪ You're rockin' ♪

♪ The boat ♪♪

- We suck.
- Uh- It—

It'll get there. We— We
just need to keep rehearsing.

Mr. Schuester, do you have any
idea how ridiculous it is to give...

the lead solo in "Sit Down, You're Rockin'
the Boat" to a boy in a wheelchair?

I think Mr. Schue's using irony
to enhance the performance.

There's nothing ironic
about show choir!

Rachel.

Rachel!

[Door Closes]

That's sloppy!

You're sloppy, babies!
It's just disgraceful!

And I want the agony
out of your eyes!

Uh-uh, Lance.
Don't you start crying!

You are the weak link, pal! How does
it feel to be the weak link, huh?

That can't feel very good. You
changed out of your costume.

I'm tired of
being laughed at.

You're the best kid in there,
Rachel. That comes with a price.

Look, I know I'm just a sophomore.
But I can feel the clock ticking away,

and I don't want to leave high
school with nothing to show for it.

You get great grades.
You're a fantastic singer.

Everybody hates me.

You think Glee Club
is gonna change that?

Being great at something
is going to change it.

Being a part of something
special makes you special, right?

I need a male lead
who can keep up with me vocally.

Maybe I can coach Artie a
little. I— Look, Mr. Schue,

I appreciate what
you're trying to do.

But if you can't give me
what I need, then I'm sorry.

I'm not gonna make
a fool out of myself.

I can't keep
wasting my time with Glee.

It hurts too much.

[Whistle Blows]
Schuester!

Figgins wants ya!

But we just started rehearsals.

My hands are tied, Schue.
I need the auditorium.

Alcoholics Anonymous wants to rent
it out for their afternoon meetings.

Lots of drunks in this town.
They're paying me 1 0 bucks a head.

If we show at Regionals,
Glee stays.

If not, the bar is open
in the auditorium.

What is it with you and this
club? You've got only five kids.

- One of them's a cripple!
- Then I guess you've got nothing to worry about.

[Sighs]

- Fine.
- Yes! [Chuckles]

But you're running detention
for free to make it up to me.

Deal.

You put your hands
in the corners like this.

Okay?
I can't do it.

I'm dyslexic.

Maybe I should just stick to
towels and washcloths.

Howard, if you can't fold a fitted sheet,
you cannot work at Sheets 'N' Things.

[Bell Dings] [Man]
Associate return.

Go. Make sure
they have a receipt.

Someone looks beautiful
today. Hi.

You look very handsome.
Thank you.

Roast beef on pumpernickel.
Your favorite. Ohh!

Oh, does it have mayo?
Yeah.

Will, if my diabetes comes back,
I can't get pregnant.

I-
What is wrong with you?

[Sighs] Well, I
wanted to tell you...

that I'm gonna have to start workin'
late for the next couple months.

I'm, uh, monitoring
after-school detention. What?

I had to make a deal with Figgins
so he wouldn't kill Glee Club.

But, Will, I'm on my feet four hours
a day, three times a week here.

Now I have to go home and I
have to cook dinner for myself?

[Scoffs] This lady wants
to return these sheets.

But something tells me we've
got another bed wetter.

[Sighs] Do you see what I
have to deal with here, hmm?

God, hasn't she ever
heard of a diaper?

[Sandy] Of course towels
have a thread count, Mr...

Sheets 'N' Things!

What do you do? I read
catalogs! I know these things.

Anything under a 400-thread count
and I could break out in impetigo!

It's simple to understand!
William?

Sandy? Hey!

Well, hello.
How are things?

I hear you have
taken over Glee Club.

Yeah.
I hope you're not too upset.

Are you kidding? Getting out of
that swirling eddy of despair-

best thing that ever
happened to me.

[Whistles]
[Chuckles]

Don't get me wrong.
It wasn't easy at first.

Being dismissed. And for
what I was accused of?

My long-distance girlfriend in
Cleveland nearly broke up with me.

Oh, God. Don't you
love a good monkey?

It took me weeks to get over
my nervous breakdown.

Did they put you on medication?
Better. Medical marijuana.

It's genius!

I just tell my Dr. Feelgood
I'm having trouble sleeping,

and he gives me
all of it I want.

I'm finding the whole
system quite lucrative.

You're a drug dealer? Oh, yeah. Make
five times more than when I was a teacher.

I keep some for myself and then
I take money baths in the rest.

Who-Who do you sell it to?

You want in?

Uh, no. [Chuckles] I
tried it once in college.

But Terri and I are
trying to get pregnant.

I do my own packaging.
Sandy, no—

And the first sample
is free. Come on.

You are the one coaching those tone-deaf
acne factories. You're gonna need it.

What?
This looks like barf.

Okay? I have to
do everything myself.

Call me.
Come on.

What's the matter
with you? Scary.

[Knocking] Hey, Sue.
C-Can I have a sec?

Sure, buddy. Come on in.

Eew!
[Gasping]

Hey, Emma.
You got a second?

- What is that? Gum?
- Uh-huh.

So you want to talk to my
Cheerios about joining Glee Club?

Well, I need more kids-
Performers.

And all the best ones
are in the Cheerios.

I figured some of them
might want to double up.

Okay. So what you're doing right
now is called blurring the lines.

High school is a caste system.
Kids fall into certain slots.

Your jocks, your popular
kids, up in the penthouse.

The invisibles and the kids playing live-action
druids and trolls out in the forest,

bottom floor.

And... where do
the Glee kids lie?

Sub-basement.

Sue's not wrong. But I don't
think anything's set in stone.

I mean, kids are gonna do what they think
is cool, which is not always who they are.

You just need to find a way to get them
out of their boxes. Well, how do I do that?

They follow the leader. If you can get
a couple of the popular kids to sign up,

the rest will fall
right in line.

I just want to talk to
them. I don't know, dude.

I can't see any of my guys
wanting to join the Glee Club.

Last month, they held down one of their
teammates, shaved off his eyebrows...

just because he
watched Grey's Anatomy.

Look, all I'm looking for
is an introduction. Fine.

You gotta put a good word
in for me with Emma.

- There you go, Cinderella.
- Thank you.

I have trouble with things like that. The, u
m- The messy things.

Yeah.

It's really nice
how much you care about Glee.

About the kids.
[Bell Rings]

If you really care about these kids,
you'll leave well enough alone.

Children like to know
where they stand.

So let your little Glee kids
have their little club.

But don't pretend that any of
them are something they're not.

[Buzzing]

[Whistle Blows]
Circle up!

Now Mr. Schuester
is gonna talk to you.

You don't listen, you do laps.
You mouth off, you do laps.

Got it?
They're all yours, Will.

Thanks, Ken.
Hey, guys. How you doing?

I think I recognize some of you
from Spanish class. But, uh, I'm—

I'm here today to talk to you about
something different. Uh, music.

[Chuckles Nervously]

Glee Club needs guys.

I can sing.

Really? That's fantastic.

- You wanna hear?
- Yeah.

[Chuckles]

[Cheering]

- [Farts]
- [Laughing]

Oh, yeah!

[Mouths Words]
Laps. [Chattering]

I'm gonna put the sign-up sheet at the door.
So if anyone wants to sign up, please—

Thank you.
[Whistle Blows]

[Ken] Dismissed! Puck, in
my office in five minutes.

You been sleeping okay? Your
eyes look a little bloodshot.

I got allergies.

Okay, buddy.
Thanks again.

[Shower Running]

[Will Narrating] I honestly thought
that was the end of the very brief...

fever dream
that was New Directions.

[Boy] ♪ Even as I wander
I'm keepin' you in sight ♪

♪ You're a candle
in the window ♪

♪ On a cold, dark
winter's night ♪

♪ And I'm getting closer
than I ever thought I might ♪

[Imitating Drumming] ♪ And I
can't fight this feelin' anymore ♪

I suddenly realized why I had wanted
to do this thing in the first place.

♪ I'd forgotten what
I'd started fighting for ♪

It was seeing the gift in a kid
that they didn't even know they had.

♪ And I can't fight
this feelin' anymore ♪

It was pure talent.

♪ If I have to crawl
upon your floor ♪

♪ Come crashing
through your door ♪

♪ Baby, I can't
fight this feelin' anymore ♪♪

What I did then was
the blackest moment of my life.

You want to tell me how long
you've had a drug problem?

I don't even know
who the chronic lady is.

Look, if it were up to me, we wouldn't
have mandatory biweekly locker checks.

But I've never seen that before,
Mr. Schue. I swear. It's not mine!

I'll pee in a cup!

- I'll pee.
- Look, it wouldn't make any difference.

Possession is
eight-tenths of the law.

I'm pretty sure that much pot
is a felony. Yeah.

Look, you'll get kicked
out of school.

You'll lose your
football scholarship.

Wait,
I- I had a football scholarship? To-To where?

You could land in
prison, son. Oh, my God.

Please, don't tell my mom.

[Sighs] Look, I see a lot
of myself in you, Finn.

I know what it's like to struggle
to make good life choices.

And I don't want to see you throw away
everything you have to offer the world.

I just expected
more out of you, Finn.

[Finn Narrating] That really got
to me when Mr. Schuester said that.

Because every day of my life,
I expect more out of myself.

See, I might look confident
and everything.

But I really struggle with the same thing
other kids do. Peer pressure, backne.

I never knew my dad. He died in Iraq when we
were fighting Osama bin Laden the first time.

Hold on, hold on.
Finn! Finn! Finn!

Please! I'm on the phone.

I just want to trade next
Saturday's shift for this Saturday...

because Finn's got
a parents' night for Cub Scouts.

[Narrating Continues]
My mom and me, we're real close.

But being a single parent
can be hard.

The only good time for Mom was when we splurged
a little bit and ordered Emerald Dreams.

Darren was good to her.

And he was cool about
letting me hang out.

♪ You make me weep ♪

♪ And wanna die ♪

♪Just whe
n- ♪ That was the first time I really "heard" music.

♪ You said we'd try ♪

♪ Lovin', touchin' ♪

♪ Squeezin' ♪
Man, it set my soul on fire.

♪ Each other ♪

You got a voice, buddy.

Seriously, if I had that voice,
my band would still be together.

Stick with it!

My mom took it real hard when Darren left
her for that girl he met at Pic 'N' Save.

[Man]
♪ With someone else ♪

♪ Lovin', touchin', squeezin' ♪

[Shouts, Indistinct]

♪ Each other ♪

♪ Now it's your turn, girl
to cry ♪

♪ Na, na, na-na-na-na ♪

It was at that moment I decided to do
whatever it took to make my mom proud of me,

make her feel
all her sacrifice was worth it.

[Will]
We have two options here.

I'm running detention now, so you
can do six weeks after school.

But that's gonna remain
on your permanent record.

What's the other option,
Mr. Schue?

♪♪ [Piano]

♪ I got chills
They're multiplyin' ♪

♪ And I'm losin' control ♪

♪ 'Cause the power
you're supplyin' ♪

♪ It's electrifyin' ♪

- ♪ You better shape up ♪
- ♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I need a man ♪
- ♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪

- ♪ But my heart is set on you ♪
- ♪ And my heart is set on you ♪

♪ You better shape up
You better understand ♪

♪ To my heart I must be true ♪

- ♪ Nothin' left ♪
- ♪ Nothin' left for me to do ♪

- ♪ You're the one that I want ♪
- ♪ You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪

- ♪ The one that I want ♪♪
- Oh, hell to the no!

Look, I'm not down with this
background singing nonsense!

I'm Beyoncé!
I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

Okay, look, Mercedes.
It's just one song.

And it's the first time
we've been kind of good.

Okay. You're good, white boy.
I'll give you that.

But you better bring it.
Let's run it again.

All right. Let's do it.
From the top.

You usually don't let me
in your craft room.

Isn't this fun?
And challenging?

Every Wednesday
we're gonna have puzzle night...

because I know how important it is
for you to have a creative outlet.

[Sighs]

You know, the kids
have been working so hard.

I was thinking about taking them
on a field trip next Saturday.

Carmel High's performing
a showcase down in Akron.

Carmel's gonna be the team
to beat at Regionals,

and I was wondering if you might
want to come chaperone with me.

On Saturday?
Oh, I can't. Oh.

I had to pick up an extra shift at work,
Will. We're living paycheck to paycheck.

How much of that paycheck goes
to your Pottery Barn credit card?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Don't go in
the Christmas closet!

I was looking for my jacket
the other day. Come on!

- We cannot afford this stuff, Terri!
- But we could, Will!

Yes, I am a shoo-in to be promoted during
the Christmas week at Sheets 'N' Things!

I reek of management potential!
And they're hiring at H.W. Menken!

My passion is teaching, Terri! For the
last time, I don't want to be an accountant!

Dr. Phil said people could change. It's
not a bad thing to want a real life, Will.

And to have a glue gun
that works!

You know, it's really hard for me
not having the things that I need.

Oh! And you need three
mahogany toilet brush holders?

They're Balinese!

It is not a bad thing
to want things, Will.

I understand your interest
in these kids, Will.

I really do.
Yeah.

It's your way of
recapturing your glory days.

But I'm not the high school
cheerleader anymore...

and you are
not the golden boy.

High school's over
for both of us.

It's time that you move on.

[Motor Whirring]

[Chuckling]

[Ken]
You're the quarterback!

Coach, it's temporary—
No! I don't want to hear it!

You make a decision. Either you’re
a football player or you're a singer!

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, it's— I jus
t- I have to miss practice Saturday afternoon.

It's, uh, my mom. I gotta help
her cook and, uh, do things.

Why?

She just had,
uh, surgery.

What kind of surgery?

Uh, well, she, uh, had to
have her prostate out.

Man,
that's a tough break.

Yeah.
It's, uh, engorged.

You think this is hard? I'm
living with hepatitis. That's hard!

You stole my quarterback.

Okay, look,
Finn's got a great voice.

He just wants
to express himself.

You're screwing up my life.
Okay, Ken? You hate football.

What's this really about?
[Bell Ringing]

Hey, M&M.

So, I got tickets to
monster trucks this weekend.

Loge tickets. No,
thanks. Not my thing.

Truckzilla vs. Truckosaurus. And
get this— the trucks breathe fire.

Ken, look, you know how every time you
ask me out, I tell you I'm on my period?

Which doesn't bother me. Or I tell you
I'm suffering from cluster headaches.

Or I'm allergic to nighttime.

Those things?
Not really true.

I'm just not interested
in dating you— Shh.

How do I get you...
into my hatchback?

Okay, Ken, fine. Make me say it.
I like somebody else.

Nothing I can do about it because they're
unavailable, so I have to deal with that, but-

[Gasps]

[Bell Rings]

You're right.
I'm overreacting.

- The herd will take care of it.
- The herd?

The student body.

The second someone tries to rise above,
be different, herd pulls 'em back in.

So-
Oh, and by the way,

thanks for putting a good word
in for me with Emma, buddy.

I guess you just want her
for yourself, huh?

Adios, amigo.

You're very talented.
Really?

Yeah.

I would know.
I'm very talented too.

I think the rest of the team
expects us to become an item.

You, the hot male lead,

and me, the stunning young ingenue
everyone roots for.

Well, I, uh,
have a girlfriend.

Really? Who?

Quinn Fabray.

Cheerleader Quinn Fabray?

The president
of the celibacy club?

Wait.

Let's pray.

[Female Singer]
♪ Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no ♪

For almost four
months now. She's cool.

I wonder if they have
Sour Patch Kids.

Those kielbasas look like
they've been there a while.

Do you want to go halfsies
on a P.B. and J.?

That sounds perfect.
Yeah?

Yeah.
Let's go.

Sorry.
Excuse me.

I haven't had a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich in... a really long time.

Really? Yeah. My
wife's allergic to nuts.

Oh. Oh. Well, that's
really sweet though.

Not eating something
because she can't.

Oh. Yeah.
It's very nice.

[Foil Crinkling] Oh,
that's really noisy.

But they're clean.
[Laughs]

Oh, my gosh.
There you go.

How, um-
Mmm.

How long have you two
been married?

Mmm, five years
last March.

Really? Mmm.
Yeah.

But we've been together
since high school.

She was my first girlfriend,
actually.

Was it love
at first sight?

For me it was.

I don't know. She used to
be filled with so much joy.

And now?
[Bell Dinging]

Ah, showtime.
[Chuckles]

You don't want to hear about
my marital problems. No, I do.

I do— I'd love to hear— You— I'm
not happy that you have marital problems.

People talk to me a lot because I'm a
guidance counselor. Okay, here's the thing.

Terri rides me hard, and I've
always appreciated it. Mm-hmm.

I figure she just wants me
to be better, you know?

But lately, though, I keep
asking myself, better at what?

Making money? Being
upwardly mobile? Thank you.

[Sighs] I don't know. I
love her. Don't get me wrong.

But we just gotta get back on the
same page. Did you like the sandwich?

Oh, my God. It's, like,
the best I've ever had.

Hey, guys. So this is supposed
to be our "competition."

But I honestly don't think that
they've got the talent that we've got.

But let's be a good audience. Give them
some of that old McKinley High respect.

[Announcer] Please give a
warm Buckeye State welcome...

to last year's regional
champion, Vocal Adrenaline!

♪ Ohio ♪

♪ Ohio ♪

♪ Ohio ♪

♪ They tried to make me
go to rehab ♪

♪ But I said no, no, no ♪

♪ Yes, I've been black
but when I come back ♪

♪ You'll know, know, know ♪

♪ I ain't got the time ♪

♪ And if my daddy
thinks I'm fine ♪

♪ He'll try to make me go
to rehab ♪

- [Audience Cheering]
- ♪ But I won't go, go, go ♪

♪ I'd rather be at home ♪

♪ With Ray ♪
♪ With Ray ♪

♪ I ain't got 70 days ♪

♪ 'Cause there's nothin' ♪
♪ Nothin' ♪

♪ Nothin'
you can teach me ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ahhh ♪

♪ That I can't learn ♪
♪ I can't learn ♪

♪ From Mr. Hathaway ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah-eah ♪

♪ I didn't get a lot in class ♪

[Audience Cheering]

♪ But I know it don't come ♪
♪ Don't come ♪

♪ In a shot glass ♪

♪ They tried to make me go
to rehab ♪

♪ But I said no, no, no ♪

♪ Yes, I been black
but when I come back ♪

♪ You'll know, know, know ♪

♪ I ain't got the time ♪
♪ No time ♪

♪ And if my daddy
thinks I'm fine ♪

♪ He'll try to make me go
to rehab ♪

♪ But I won't go, go, go ♪♪

We're d-d-doomed.

♪♪ [Steel Drums]

♪♪ [Continues]

Chicks don't have prostates.

I looked it up.
You broke the rules.

For that, you must be punished.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, y-you've got
the power here.

Y-You don't have to
do this!

[Chambers Clicking]

There's my baby.

Wow, honey.

This is amazing. What-
What's the congratulations for?

The kids haven't
won anything yet.

I'm pregnant.

[Chuckles]

Really?
Yeah!

Terri, don't mess with me.

Oh, my God.
This is amazing!

We're gonna be a family.

Oh, my God!
[Both Laughing]

Oh, I can't believe it.

You're leaving us?
When?

I've given
my two-weeks notice.

But I promise I'm gonna find you
guys a great replacement before I go.

Is this 'cause those Carmel kids were
so good? Because we can work harder.

This isn't fair, Mr. Schuester.
We can't do this without you.

So does that mean that I don't
have to be in the club anymore, or-

Look, this isn't
about you guys.

Being an adult is about having
to make difficult choices.

It's not like high school.

Sometimes you have to give up
the things that you love.

One day you guys are gonna
grow up and understand that.

I have... loved
being your teacher.

♪ All my bags are packed ♪

♪ I'm ready to go ♪

♪ I'm standing here ♪

♪ Outside your door ♪

♪ I hate to wake you up ♪

♪ To say good-bye ♪

♪ But the dawn is breakin' ♪

♪ It's early morn ♪

♪ A taxi's waiting ♪

♪ He's blowing his horn ♪

♪ Already I'm so lonesome ♪

♪ I could die ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

♪ And smile for me ♪

♪ Tell me that
you'll wait for me ♪

♪ Hold me like you'll never ♪

♪ Let me go ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm leaving ♪

♪ On a jet plane ♪

♪ Don't know
when I'll be back again ♪

♪ Oh, babe ♪

♪ I hate to go ♪

♪ But I'm leaving ♪

♪ On a jet plane ♪

♪ Don't know when
I'll be back again ♪

♪ Oh, babe ♪

♪ I hate to go ♪♪ I
heard he's having a baby.

That's why he gave
Figgins his notice.

Really?

♪♪ [Ends]

[Exhales]

[Bell Ringing]

[Sighs]

Need help
grading those papers?

It's actually an application
for H.W. Menken. They're hiring.

Come on.
Accounting is sexy.

I'll miss you.

Before you leave, can
you do me a favor? Yeah.

I made an appointment for you
tomorrow... in the career center.

[Chuckles]
You need some guidance.

I'm having a kid, Emma.

What I need
is better benefits.

Just come, Will, for me.

Didn't see you at Glee Club
today. Is that still happening?

I've taken over.
Oh.

I'm interim director, but I expect
the position will become permanent.

- Hi, Finn. RuPaul.
- Hey.

- What are you doing talking to her?
- Oh-

Science project.
We're partners.

Christ Crusaders tonight
at 5:00, my house.

Sounds great.

[Sighs]
Look, I should go.

I can't do Glee anymore.
It conflicts with-

Your reputation?

You've really got something,
Finn, and you're throwing it away.

I-I'm gonna be late. You can't keep
worrying about what people think.

You're better
than all of them.

[Grunts] What do you
want me to do, apologize?

That's not me, dude.

Look, if I joined the flag team,
you'd beat the crap out of me.

I just don't understand
why you did it.

Schuester told me he'd give me enough extra
credit to pass Spanish if I joined the club.

I didn't have a choice. If I failed
another class, I'd be off the team.

Look, it's over. Okay?
I quit. Anything else?

No, that's it.

And as a welcome back to the world
of the normal, I got you a present.

[Gasping]
What's that noise?

Oh, God! Help! Help!

- Help!
- Is someone in there?

We got that wheelchair kid
inside. We're gonna flip it.

[Laughing] Isn't that
kind of dangerous?

He's already
in a wheelchair.

Come on, dude.
We saved you the first roll.

- [Panting]
- Oh!

[Grunts]
Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.
Oh, my God. The smell.

What the hell, dude? I can't believe
you're helping out this loser.

Don't you get it, man?
We're all losers.

Everyone in this school.

Hell, everyone
in this town.

Out of all the kids who graduate,
maybe half will go to college.

And— And two will leave
the state to do it.

I'm not afraid of being called a loser,
'cause I can accept that that's what I am.

But I am afraid of turning
my back on something...

that actually made me happy for
the first time in my sorry life.

So, what? Are you quitting
to join Homo Explosion?

No. I'm doing both.
[Boys Chuckling]

'Cause you can't win without
me, and neither can they.

[Hisses]

[Man Shouting]

[Boy] Go, go! [Man] Track,
track, track, Ronnie.

[Man On Radio] ♪ Shadows
searching in the nights ♪

♪ Streetlights people ♪

♪ Living just
to find emotion ♪

♪ Hiding somewhere ♪

♪ In the night ♪♪

Look, you guys.
These steps are not hard.

I've been doing them
since preschool.

I'm sorry. Did I miss the election for
queen? Because I didn't vote for you.

I know what I'm talking about. I won my first
dance competition when I was three months old!

- This is a closed rehearsal.
- Look, I owe you guys an apology.

I never should've quit.

I don't want to be the guy that just
drives around throwing eggs at people.

- That was you?
- You and your friends threw pee balloons at me.

- I know.
- You nailed all my lawn furniture to my roof.

I wasn't actually there for
that, but I'm really sorry.

Look, that isn't who I am,
and I'm tired of it.

This is what I want to
be doing, with you guys.

I used to think that this was,
like, the lamest thing on earth,

and maybe it is.

But we're all here
for the same reason-

'cause we want to be good
at something.

Artie, you play guitar, right?

- Think you could recruit the jazz band?
- I do have pull there.

All right.

Mercedes, we need new costumes, and they
have got to be cool. Can you do that?

Damn! Don't you see
what I've got on?

Rachel,
you can do choreography.

Tina, what are you good at?

- U
h- Uh- - We'll figure something out for you.

And what are you bringing to
the table, Justin Timberlake?

I've got the music.

I want to show you something.

I did a little research.

And this is a tape I found in the
library of the '93 team at Nationals.

♪♪ [Disco]
[Group] Let's dance!

♪ Ah, that's the way Uh-huh,
uh-huh ♪ Do you know who that is?

♪ I like it
Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ That's the way Uh-huh,
uh-huh ♪ That's you, Will.

♪ I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
When you take me by the hand ♪

That's you happier
than I've ever seen you.

♪ And tell me I'm
your loving man ♪♪

That was the greatest
moment of my life.

- Why?
- Because I loved what I was doing.

Yeah, I knew before we were halfway through
with that number that we were gonna win.

[Chuckling]

And being a part of that,
in that moment,

I knew who I was
in the world.

[Chuckles,
Shaky Breathing]

And the only time I felt—
I felt that way since then...

was when Terri told me
I was gonna be a father.

No. No. I need to
provide for my family.

But provide what exactly?

The understanding that money
is the most important thing?

Or the idea that the
only life worth living...

is one that you're really
passionate about, Will?

♪♪ [Group Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Group Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

♪Just a small town girl ♪

♪ Living in a lonely world ♪

♪ She took
the midnight train ♪

♪ Going anywhere ♪

♪Just a city boy ♪

♪ Born and raised
in south Detroit ♪

♪ He took the midnight train ♪

♪ Going anywhere ♪

♪ Da-da ♪

♪ A singer in a smoky room ♪

♪ A smell of wine
and cheap perfume ♪

♪ For a smile
they can share the night ♪

♪ It goes on and on
and on and on ♪

♪ Strangers waiting ♪

♪ Da-da ♪
♪ Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ Their shadows searching ♪

♪ In the night ♪

♪ Da-da ♪

♪ Streetlight people ♪

♪ Living just
to find emotion ♪

♪ Hiding somewhere ♪

♪ In the night ♪

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

♪ Working hard
to get my fill ♪

♪ Da-da-da ♪

♪ Everybody
wants a thrill ♪

♪ Payin' anything
to roll the dice ♪

♪Just one more time ♪

♪ Some will win ♪

[Together]
♪ Some will lose ♪

♪ Some will only
sing the blues ♪

♪ And now the movie
never ends ♪

♪ It goes on and on
and on and on ♪

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

♪ Don't stop believing ♪

♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪

♪ Streetlight people
Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Don't stop believing ♪

♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪

♪ Streetlight people
Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Don't stop ♪♪

Good, guys.
It's a nine.

We need a 10. Rachel, you need
to hit the ones and the fives.

Finn, I think if we worked on
it, you could hit a high "B."

So does this mean
you're staying?

It would kill me to see you
win Nationals without me.

From the top.

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Harmonic Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Ends]

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