Girls (2012–2017): Season 5, Episode 8 - Homeward Bound - full transcript

Hannah gets into trouble outside New York, Marnie meets an obstacle, Jessa and Adam are left holding Caroline's baby, while a dejected Shoshanna returns from Japan.

Please maintain contact with
your luggage at all times

All unattended baggage
will be confiscated.

[P.A. announcement repeated in Spanish]

Excus... excus... excus...
are you s... are you serious?!

You couldn't wait like one... one second

for me to exit this moving walkway?

This country is bullshit, okay.

Nobody has any manners, and you
wanna know why? Do you wanna know why?

'Cause you're all so
self-involved and self-serving

and your behavior here today, sir,

was a perfect embodiment
of that truth, okay?



Why am I here?

Why am I here?

♪ Here I am again in the city... ♪

♪ With a fistful of dollars ♪

♪ And, baby, you better
believe, I'm back ♪

♪ Back in the New York groove ♪

♪ I'm back, back in the New York... ♪

Okay, I do not love that
the toilet's in the shower.

Small price to pay for freedom, buddy.

I've been eating Bugles my whole life

and I still don't even know if I like
them. It's just, like, something to do.

Ah, I love this. We are on the road.

We can do whatever we
want for the whole summer.

And it's just us.



It is just us.

For the next three months.

We don't have to deal with
the kids or the administration

or... Elijah or your needy friends.

It's just us.

Be right back, babe.

_

_

Hello?

What the hell's going on?

I don't want to go on the trip. I
think you should just go without me.

Hannah, what the hell? I'm coming in.

Listen, I really didn't
want to go on the trip,

but I didn't want to be a wet blanket,
and then you rented the house car, okay?

And just please don't come in here.

- Hannah, it's me.
- Nope.

Are you serious?

I really don't want you to come in here.

Hannah, open the door.

Hey. Why are you running from me?

Hannah.

What the...?

- I am not a monster.
- Define monster!

Tell me what is going on.

I don't want to be in
this relationship anymore

and I don't know how to get out!

Well... Ow! Shit!

Will you just stop so I can

- talk to you, please?
- No!

- I feel like I'm hunting you. I feel
- Leave me alone!

like this is "The Most Dangerous Game."

- Please!
- Come on.

- Just stop... oh! Eh!
- Shit.

Are you all right?

Could you please just stop?

- Stay away, okay?
- Just stop running

and talk to me like an adult.

Please, I don't want to talk, okay?

I don't want to do this.

I don't belong with you.

I'm sorry. Please go.

Fuck!

This is ridiculous.

Fine! We are breaking
up, I guess. That's it.

So, let me drive you back to the city.

- Let's go.
- I'll be fine here, okay?

I can't get back in the house car.

I am offering to take you back.

That's just me being a
nice person, all right?

God, you're so fucking selfish.

Please, just go, Fran.

You know what? My brother thought

you were so fuckin'
rude, and he was right.

He fucking handwrote a letter
saying how rude you were.

That's how much he meant it.

I can't believe I wasted an entire year

hanging out with your rude ass.

Seriously.

You know what? Have
a great summer, okay?

Fuck you.

Fuck you!

Okay.

Hey, what's up?

Um, I'm by the side of the road in
some random part of upstate New York.

- That's what's up.
- Wait, what?

- Where's Fran?
- We broke up.

Can you get a Zipcar and come get me?

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I
want to hear all about it later,

but right now we're
recording and our tour manager

needs to get an entire
demo set to our gig. So...

Marnie, what does any of that even mean?

Please just come get me.

I'm sorry, I can't. I wish I could help.

Why don't you just call an Uber?

No, I got kicked off the app for
having too low a rating. You know that.

Well, I would ask Desi if one of his
loser fake artiste friends with a car

wants to do it for a
little bit of extra cash,

but he isn't talking to me
right now because he's a child.

♪ Boysenberries on my bush... ♪

The only time he looks at me when
we're together is when we're singing.

Why don't you ask Ray? Didn't he
just get, like, a truck or something?

The last thing I need
is a lecture from Ray

about my, like, lifestyle choices, okay?

Just good luck with your hit album.

Okay, I love you, I'm so...

You've reached Jessa.
If this is an emergency,

you should hang up and dial 9-1-1. I
really don't listen to my messages.

Go fuck yourself.

Let's see who's coming to see us.

Let's see who's coming to see us.

Oh, hey, Tall Adam.
What are you doing here?

I've been calling Caroline a bunch
and she hasn't called me back.

Just want to make
sure everything's okay.

That is very cool of you,
man. Very cool of you.

But we're all good here.
We're all good here, right?

Just plucking away,
keeping little Sample alive.

You're sticking with
the nickname Sample, huh?

Oh, yeah. I mean, she
is sample-sized, right?

Sometimes I call her Samps.

- Pete Sampras.
- Where's Caroline?

That would be the question of the day,
my man. That is the question of the day.

She went out three days
ago to get some pepitas,

and I guess she's still looking for 'em.

What?

Pepitas, those toasted

- pumpkin seeds? Kind of a Mexican...
- No, no, no, no, no.

She's been gone three days?

Yeah, yeah. I've been, ah,
you know, starting to wonder

if I should get worried,
but I think she's fine.

Yes, Laird, you should be worried.

Where the fuck could she have gone?

Hard to say, right?

Oh, here comes Uncle Adam.
He's coming to say hi.

- _
- ♪ Meet you all the way ♪

♪ Rosanna ♪

♪ Meet cute all the way ♪

What the fuck!

♪ Meet you... ♪

♪ All the way ♪

What the fuck?

♪ Roseanna, yeah ♪

- ♪ Meet you all the way... ♪
- Took me an hour and a half

to get up here.

Put a lot of unnecessary
miles on this baby.

Thank you so much, Ray.

Well, what am I gonna do, let you
rot out here like a piece of fruit?

Plus, I know how much
you hate being outdoors.

Ray, you're the truest and most
loving friend I've ever had.

Okay, that's sad.

Do you think I made a
mistake breaking up with Fran?

Listen, Hannah, if you have the
impulse to run away in your pajamas,

that's a pretty strong indicator
that it's not working out.

You gotta respect your instincts,
you know? Trust your gut.

You know?

What... what are you doing?

I'm just trying to give you something

to say thank you for how
kind you've been to me.

Hannah, you really don't have to, uh...

It's okay. Just relax, okay?

Yeah, but you don't have to...

Oh, Jesus.

Okay, um... uh, I don't think
this is good for our friendship.

Ray, I just need you to
relax and "enjoi" the journey.

Right, maybe we can just
talk about this for a second.

I don't want to talk because
I've got a dick in my mouth.

I just need you to relax and
try to be present in the moment.

Okay, I'm trying to relax.

And you just tell me what you
like and just let me do it to you.

- Is this... is this okay?
- Don't touch the top of my head.

I really don't like that.
That's very triggering for me.

Just try mixing it up down there.

- Okay.
- Different energy or something.

Okay, that's...

_

Ah!

Fuck!

What the fuck happened?

All right, here's the last
few websites she was on.

Rihanna's Oprah interview.

Now, do you say "Riahna"
or do you say "Rianna"?

If... if... "Riahna."

"Riahna"? That's what I say.

A lot of people say "Rianna."
I think they're wrong.

Joey Pepperoni menu.

Ah, Wesley Snipes' Wikipedia page.

There's not, like, a place that
you guys leave little, ah...

little... l-l-l... little
notes for each other?

What, like the fridge?

Yeah, like the fridge.

Hey, man, you ever see,
ah, "Passenger 57"?

Isn't that awesome? It was funny, man.

"Always bet on black," man. That's cool.

That's a cool dude, man. You
ever see "Demolition Man"?

I had a haircut like that
once. It was pretty sweet.

Hey, man! Hey!

Just be cool with my fridge, dude!

There's a note under your fridge.

Oh, yeah, that's,. ah... where
my Wailers tickets ended up.

"Dearest Mouse." I'm Mouse.

"It is with a heavy heart...

and tortured soul

that I write these words.

Since the birth of Sample,

which was and still remains
my greatest achievement,

I've been racked with
inexplicable guilt and shame.

My mind has been infected
by horrendous thoughts,

a desire...

to hurt little Sample...

and in my darkest moments, myself."

"The best thing for
everyone is for me to leave.

This is the most anguishing
thing I will ever be forced to do.

Be as kind to our daughter
as I was cruel to you

and she will have a wonderful life.

Love, Caroline."

Oh, man.

Ah, would you watch Sample for a bit?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure, yeah.

Fuck, Ray, ah.

Ah!

Fuck, Ray.

What happened?

- Oh, my God.
- Are you okay?

I think I'm okay.

I don't think I have any
broken bones or anything.

What the fuck was that?

Well, you were driving and then
suddenly you just swerved...

No, what the fuck were you doing?

- That? I was trying to blow you.
- Why?

Why? 'Cause I was trying
to give you what you want

'cause I'm not a selfish person.

This is a brand-new
coffee truck. Brand-new.

Do you have any idea how much
a brand-new coffee truck costs?

$600?

You are callow, you are insufferable,

and you have really fucked me
this time! Thank you very much.

Are you mad 'cause
you couldn't get hard?

$50,000.

That's how much a brand-new
coffee truck costs. 50K.

And I can get hard whenever
the fuck I want to get hard.

Okay, great, so you just
didn't want to get hard.

Like most men, you had
no desire to get hard.

Okay, let's call Marnie
Michaels, 'cause clearly

you don't believe me.
Put her on speakerphone.

I don't want to call Marnie
and ask if you can get hard.

- Shoshanna Shapiro? Emily Goldstein.
- I don't want to talk to anyone else.

- I don't want to talk...
- Susan Farber. Ask anybody.

- I believe it. You can get so hard.
- There we go.

Fuck!

♪ You're my little pumpkin pop ♪

♪ Pumpkin pop, Pu-u-u-umpkin pop ♪

♪ Hanging at the chocolate shop ♪

♪ Waiting for the moon to drop ♪

Okay, we're good.

Okay, I couldn't get
formula. I went to two places.

They didn't have it, so
I just got whole milk.

No, no, no, no. She
can't drink that shit.

It's a baby. She's not gonna
know the difference, Adam.

It doesn't matter if she knows the
difference. She can't digest it.

I know that. I was kidding.

I'm going out to get
formula now. I just came back

- to see if you needed anything else.
- No, just food.

Just food for the baby would be great.

Oh, my God. It is so hot.

Have you been out today?

I'm going. I'm going. I
need a second. I just got in.

- It's so hot outside.
- Here, could you take her for a second?

I've had to pee for the past hour and
I don't want to do it in front of her.

She'll think my dick's a monster.

I've never held a baby.

I've never held a baby. Shh.

Adam, how about I hold your
penis while you hold the baby?

...no point in going to Croatia

unless you have a sick
boat the entire time.

You can cruise around the islands.

What?

Shit.

Shoshanna.

Um, can you just give us a sec?

Sure.

Great seeing you, Shosh!

Hi.

Hey, Scott. Um...

what are you... what are you doing here?

Remember, this is my
little place that I...

I told you about this place.

What... um, why aren't you in Japan?

Um, I learned that it's
very hard to emigrate,

which is why you rarely
hear the word "emigrant."

Oh.

And were you gonna call me, or...

I don't know.

Okay, so, um, what's
going on with you? Ah...

What's... what are you doing for work?

Um, I don't know, Scott.
I kind of just got back

and all these questions are,
like, seriously stressing me out,

and I'm currently reading
about how to get on welfare,

so I don't really have time for this.

You're going on welfare?

I don't know. I'm
thinking about it, okay?

There aren't exactly,
like, a wealth of options

for an NYU graduate with
experience in many aspects

of brand management.

You can't just take government resources

that are for actually needy families

just because you didn't
like your job in Japan.

Okay, so now I don't deserve
food stamps because I'm Jewish.

You know what? I'm... I'm...

I'm glad I saw you. This is making
me really happy that we broke up.

- Oh.
- Yeah, thank you for doing that.

- Yeah.
- You...

complained the entire
time we were together

about all of your
unemployed, entitled friends,

and you're actually the
worst of all of them.

How dare you, Scott? You just
preyed upon my deepest fear.

I told you that in
confidence during pillow talk.

Look, you're figuring out how to
go on welfare over omakase sushi.

Maybe you should cut down on your

large-sake-in-the-middle-of-the-day
budget first.

- That's a small.
- That is not a small, that's a large.

I know... I know what a large
sake is. I drink a lot of sake.

That's why you have a sake gut.

You know what?

Have a great life. I hope
everything works out for you.

- Good luck, Shosh.
- Oh, no, no. Don't you "good luck" me.

That is, like, the meanest thing
that you could ever say to anybody.

And by the way, you're
wrong about this place.

The fish is exactly suited to the price.

Well, and thank God you can
afford it with your food stamps.

[speaking in Japanese]

[speaking in Russian]

Uh-huh, bye-bye. Okay.

All right, so my guy won't be able to
be here for another four or five hours.

So, call someone else.

Why, so some stranger could
come here and rip me off?

No, thanks. Dmitri's a good guy.

He's on his way. He's
gonna do the job right.

Well, what are we gonna do?

We can't just sit here for
four or five hours, Ray.

Shh.

Jessa, can you turn that shit off?

Yep. Shit.

Hi, Hannah. How's it goin'?

Um, it's not good.
Why are you whispering?

Um, because I'm holding a baby.

Whose baby are you holding?

It's Caroline's baby.

Are you, uh, with Adam?

Mm-hmm.

I'm helping him with the baby.

Because you're fucking him.

Yeah.

She knows. She fully knows.

I... I can't really think
about this right now.

No, I know. Let's never talk
about this, ever. Ever. I mean...

it's not like we did anything wrong.

You know, it's... this
is how you meet people.

You meet people you know.

It's not like you guys were married.

If I did something
immoral, I would feel bad.

I... but I don't because
we didn't do anything wrong.

I mean, do you feel bad?

Jessa, my sister is missing.

She abandoned her child
and appears to be suicidal.

I can't really think
about Hannah right now.

I know. That's why it's so infuriating

that she makes it all about her.

Hey, you guys all right?

Yeah, we're okay. Help's
on the way. Thank you.

Actually, um, are you by any
chance going into the city?

- Yeah, I am.
- Would you mind giving me a ride?

I mean I'm going to Greenpoint,
but any part of Brooklyn will work.

- Thank God.
- Hey, Hannah!

Hannah, what are you doin'?

This isn't 1974. You can't just hop
into a car with a groovy stranger.

I need to get home, Ray.

Hannah, I forbid you from
leaving in this vehicle.

Dude, she's an adult woman,
man. Let her do what she wants.

Hey, hey! I got your plates!

You put a hand on her,

I will hunt you down
like Liam fucking Neeson!

You hear me?

♪ So you can find me in Oaxaca ♪

♪ Where I'll go to pay my dues ♪

♪ Yeah, you'll find me in a dark bar ♪

♪ Where no gringos are ♪

♪ Yeah, you'll find me
in the bar of Oaxaca ♪

Hey, you guys... you guys,
let's take five. Let's just...

- Actually, I'd rather not take five.
- Well...

Hey, let's take five. Take five.

Yes, you made it.

Of course. I'm a woman of my word.

Amazing.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Who are you?

Oh, ah, hey, guys,
um... this is Tandace.

Um, we are super lucky. She's gonna help
us out with our stage decor on our tour.

Pilar made some arepas.
I brought you some.

Corazón, muchas gracias. Que bi...

Que bien huelen.

- Me haces loco.
- Wait a minute. Is this for real?

Are you guys, like,
pranking me or something?

Desi, she cannot do
our, like, stage decor.

- See what I mean?
- I got this.

- Marnie?
- Yeah?

Can we go solo a second?

Yeah.

- Who are you?
- I'm Tandace Moncrief.

Yes, I am familiar with
your very fake name.

I just mean how do you know my
whatever the fuck he is to me now?

I guess at this point he's so
close to being my ex-husband.

Desi and I have known each
other for a long, long time.

Oh, that's so interesting
'cause he's never mentioned you

and you also weren't at our wedding.

- No, no, I wasn't.
- Hmmm...

Actually, I was facilitating an anti
violence communication workshop...

- Of course.
- making me uniquely qualified

to handle this situation.

Desi tells me you got some rage stuff.

"Rage stuff." "Rage stuff"? Really?

"Rage"? No, no, no, no.

You have that all fucking wrong.

I am cool as a fucking
cucumber all the time.

- Marnie?
- Yeah?

Listen, right now it's easier for Desi

to separate the music
and his personal life.

Obviously, you're a
major part of the music.

But for his life, we feel...

that it would just be better if
you didn't exist for a little while.

Oh, interesting. Okay, so
I think I understand now.

When we're singing and playing
and making music, he can talk to me

and tell me what I'm doing
wrong and pick at me.

That's all cool. But the minute
we stop, I cease to exist.

I become, essentially, a ghost.

Exactly.

Exactly. I'm so sorry.

Oh, well, Tandace, I
so accept your apology.

And thank you so much for all
of your spiritual guidance.

Thank you, and nama-fucking-ste.

Hey, was that your dad back there?

Are you guys in, like,
a fight or something?

Oh, no, no, no. That's
just my... my old boss.

You got a lot of stuff in the c... car.

Yeah, I'm moving.

Okay, um, I'm actually just receiving
a call, if you'll hold on one moment.

Excuse me.

Marnie, what's up? Why you callin'?

You called me. Um, and I still
can't pick you up, Hannah.

By the way, do you think
I have a rage problem?

So, um... I'm hitchhiking, actually.

I, ah, got in a car that pulled
over for me at the side of the road,

so I am in Hector...

I'm sorry, I didn't
catch your last name.

Medina.

Hector Medina's car.

He is, um, a... a Latin
male, ah, in his mid-30s.

Close-cropped hair.

Wait a minute, Hannah,
is this a safety call?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God. Okay, you are not safe.

Otherwise you would not
be making a safety call.

So, what you need to do is
get out of the car immediately.

Yep, yep, yep.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I
picked you up for company

and it's just kind of rude
that you're on the phone.

Sorry, my friend's just...

Marnie, I gotta go. Can't do this now.

Okay, okay, Hannah.
Just pretend to hang up

but leave me on the phone
so that I can hear you,

and then the first chance you get,
tell him you have to pee and then run.

Yes.

You know, I actually have to pee really
bad, so wherever you can pull over.

I mean, there's nowhere
really to stop around here.

Okay, but I've gotta pee, like, now,
so whenever you can pull it over,

I will literally pee anywhere.
Right here would actually be great.

- At this exact spot.
- Here.

I don't think I can, uh...

I won't look, okay? I promise.

What, you don't trust me?

You get in my car and
you don't trust me?

- I trust you!
- Wow.

I trust you. I trust you.

In fact, you and I trust each other

and I am peeing in this
bottle because I have to pee,

but also to show that you
and I do trust each other

and we would never do
anything to harm one another.

Okay.

Okay.

Hannah, are you seriously
about to pee right now?

Oh, gosh.

Oh, my Lord. Oh, Lord.

I think... Adam, I think
she just spit up on me.

A... you need to hold
her. Just... please.

Wait, look, did she... oh, my
God, it stinks. Oh, my God, Adam.

Wait, where are the towels?

You have to help me. It's
dripping all the way down my back

and into my butt. Adam.

Why aren't you helping me?

You're an adult. She's a baby.

Why do you need more help than a baby?

So, why are you moving?

Well, it's... it's kind of a long story.

I was in a pretty fucked-up
relationship and I just had to get out.

It's complicated.

You know, the relationship
just got too intense.

Things became abusive.

Did you hit her?

No, no, no, no. I couldn't
do that. I wouldn't.

That's what was so fucked up.

There was nothing I could do when
she would beat the shit out of me.

- She hit you?
- Oh, my God. All the time.

She would fuckin' hit me with lamps,

- kick me in the balls.
- Oh, God.

Slap me with magazines.

The last straw was when she
pointed a fucking gun in my face.

I wrestled that shit out of
her hands and I packed my bags.

Now I'm getting as far the
fuck away from Nevada as I can.

Yeah, totally.

You and I are two peas
in a pod, my friend,

'cause I just broke
up with my boyfriend.

And that's how I ended up like
trash by the side of the road.

Oh, shit. No way.

Why'd you break up?

Oh, um, you know, he
turned out to be a dick.

Mm-hmm.

I guess what I'm even more
upset about than the breakup

is the fact that I just
got official confirmation

that my ex-boyfriend and my
now ex-best friend are fucking.

Oh, shit. What?

Dude, they could've found
somebody else, right?

I mean, what's he got,
like, a diamond dick?

Does she have a golden
pussy or somethin'?

They might have those things.

But...

Oh, damn.

There it is.

I've never seen the city
in real life before.

Well, there it is.

Whoo!

Yes, you made it to New York City, baby!

You're really excited!

It's like, it's New York, right?

It feels like anything
is possible there.

I'm gonna go see Les Mis!

- Yeah!
- I'm gonna get my portrait done,

but I want to do the profile, you know?

Like, nobody ever does their
profile, so I wanna do that.

Well, you're gonna like it.
It's a good place to live.

There's a lot of different
kinds of food, good pizza.

It's a good place to start over.

Yeah.

♪ In her eyes the world began ♪

♪ The universe expanded ♪

♪ In her voice I hear
its pulse and wave ♪

♪ As it draws me to a shore ♪

♪ Where I am surely stranded ♪

♪ Were it not for what she freely gave ♪

♪ A dose of her café Au lait ♪

♪ A kiss on the landing ♪

♪ Then anchors away ♪

♪ Baby says everything waxes and wanes ♪

♪ But she's the queen of the waters ♪

♪ And nothing can touch
her as long as she reigns ♪

♪ In her eyes as the world began. ♪