Girls (2012–2017): Season 5, Episode 7 - Hello Kitty - full transcript

Your relationship to the students
is not the problem here, Hannah.

Okay, good, 'cause I'm basically
the teacher of my dreams,

like if Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle had a baby
with that guy from "Reading Rainbow."

Yeah, it's the other teachers

who are complaining about you now.

What? What teachers? What complaints?

Apparently, they've
heard that you regularly

disparage them to your shared students.

That is ridiculous. I don't know
them well enough to disparage them.

They're so cliquey, they
don't invite me anywhere.

Quote, "Señora Gomez is definitely
doing it with Madame Schwartz,



and I would know because
I'm doing it with Fran."

You describe Mr. Kildahl as having,

quote, "phantom centaur butt,"

which, I'm guessing is your
idea of a humorous remark.

I mean, it's jokey,
but what it really is

is when a guy has an ass
that, like, really sticks out

to the point where it seems like
a whole horse has been cut off him.

Quote, "I hate Mrs.
Doerfler. I just do."

Okay, you have to give me that one.

She is not nice. It's
like "Matilda" in there.

Hannah, we have been
down this road before.

Now, this is a situation where I'm
gonna have to take serious action.

I mean, I've been lenient
with you in the past

and that's because you're
liked, you're a favorite here.



I'm not gonna lie to
you. But, I mean, come on.

What can I do? You've put me
in a very difficult position.

You're right.

I have.

I have and I'm sorry.

Can you think of a solution?

Honestly, men are so
afraid of the female vagina,

we should be, like, galvanizing
and using this tactic

to literally win wars.

I also think it helped that my
bush is at full capacity right now,

which I'm sorry about.

Are you fucking kidding me, Hannah?

What is wrong with you?

Do not play dumb with me. I don't even
know where to fucking begin with you.

Okay, it seems I woke the beast again.

This is not a joke.

Showing your vagina to your
boss is not an okay thing to do.

It wasn't sexual, Fran. It was
so I would get out of trouble.

"To get out of trouble". We are
not five, Hannah. Jesus Christ.

Listen, okay, it worked.

Do you really not get
it? Are you that broken?

Like, how damaged is your thought
process? As an adult, you should know

- taking your genitals out and...
- Stop, okay? Literally stop.

I didn't do anything that bad. I'm
not like Bill Cosby or something.

Okay, you just interrupted me.

Please do not interrupt me
when I am speaking to you.

I have asked you not to
roll your eyes at me a lot.

I was not rolling my eyes at you. I
was looking up at a cloud formation that

looked a lot like Blake Lively.

It's gone.

At the very least, I would
hope that you would know

I would never want you to show
your vagina to anyone but me.

Oh, so now I'm not supposed to show
my vagina to anyone but you, Fran?

It's about to be summer!

Aren't you supposed to
be preparing right now?

Like getting into character
and putting on your...

that codpiece?

No, I'm good.

Okay. So you're... you're ready.

- I'm ready. I'm ready.
- Okay.

- Are you ready f-for everything?
- Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean?

Like...

you know, like Hannah and everybody.
Isn't everybody coming tonight?

You and me in front of them,

in front of Hannah? Jesus.

Well, I guess I'm just...
haven't thought about it.

I'm just gonna be
acting most of the time.

Well, that's good for you.

I guess it doesn't matter.

I'm not even talking to her
anyway. We had a massive row.

So why are we talking about it now?

Okay.

- Good-bye.
- Bye.

- Wish me luck.
- 'Kay.

Make sure to watch from the fire escape!

Best view.

- What are you doing?
- _

We have plans this evening to see
a play. We are now at that play.

I don't want to have
this discussion right now.

Well, I do.

Oh, oh. Hannah wants to do something
rude, disruptive, and inappropriate.

What a twist.

Welcome to "38 Neighbors," a theatrical
retelling of the Kitty Genovese tragedy.

In 1964, Kitty Genovese was murdered

outside her home in
the middle of the night.

Dozens of neighbors heard her
cries for help and did nothing.

And you are about to become one of them.

The staircases behind me
lead to the apartments

in which the play will be taking
place. Explore at your choosing.

By entering this building, you
have all become silent bystanders.

Go, witness.

Fran, I really do not feel
like I can be a good witness

until we finish this conversation.

Hannah, I'm not sure how
I can be clearer with you.

I do not make scenes in public.

Great, then we'll
keep this really brief.

I don't think this is
working for me anymore.

Oh, my God, so now you're gonna
threaten me to get what you want?

Really flexing the maturity
muscles today. Nice.

I'm not kidding, Fran. My
anxiety's really spiking.

Come with me. We're not going that way.

- He's not coming with us?
- No.

Please pick the
apartment to witness from.

The play is about to begin.

So, I guess this is
really more of a play

about the neighbors who ignored Kitty
and not so much about Kitty herself.

'Cause I was doing some
Wikipedia-ing last night

and I had completely forgotten
the fact that Kitty was a lesbian.

Do you think that may have been
a factor in what happened to her?

Wouldn't surprise me. Another woman
deemed "unacceptable" by society

and left to die for her sins.

Will you stop talking, please?

The play has barely started.

That's not how plays work.

Okay, Ray, great. Silence
me, just like all of them.

How are we supposed to learn...

Stop ignoring me, Ellen. I
know you took it without asking.

Oh, shush up, Joan.

I'd never wear your stupid mini.

I'm telling Mom you
wear blusher to school.

Fine, I hate you anyway.

♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪

♪ Do-lang, do-lang ♪

- ♪ He's so fine ♪
- ♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪

- ♪ Wish he were mine ♪
- ♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪

- ♪ That handsome boy over there ♪
- ♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪

- ♪ The one with the wavy hair ♪
- ♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang

- ♪ I don't know how I'm gonna do it ♪
- ♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪

- ♪ But I wanna make him mine ♪
- ♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang... ♪

- Hey, guys.
- Hey

Shh, keep it down.

I'm sorry, it's not like the actors
are doing anything interesting.

Literally all I've seen since I got
here is some beatnik rolling cigarettes.

This isn't a fuckin' Raffi concert,
all right? Respect the craft.

All right, then, will you go
out in the hallway with me so

I can talk to you about
something important?

Me?

- Yes.
- You.

♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪

- ♪ He can't shy away forever ♪
- ♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪

♪ And I want to make him mine... ♪

I know you can't answer
me, but I just decided

you're actually an amazing dancer.

What's up? What's on your mind?

Can you, um...

Are we praying?

I left Desi.

Wow.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Is this for real?

Yes, Ray, this is the
realest thing I've ever done.

- Huh.
- And I wanted you to know.

How did it finally happen?

It wasn't like a big fight or anything.
It was a lot of little shitty moments

kind of strung together, you know?

Look, if I'm being
completely honest with myself,

I think I probably knew we were going to
get divorced before we even got married.

I just was really scared of what
it was that I knew that I needed.

I think that what I need is to be...

alone.

To be alone, yeah.

I mean, right. That makes sense.

So that is where I am.

And I wanted to know what you think.

What do I think?

I think that, um... I'm sorry
you're going through all this.

- Thank you.
- That's what I think.

- I think I'm handling it pretty well.
- Yeah, I think it's also important

to go back in there and witness.

Otherwise we repeat our mistakes.

♪ And melt like solid gold... ♪

Seriously, you have no idea.

It's less of a boat and more of
a floating palace, really. It's...

out of this world.

I really like your top.

I have a friend who has
one sort of like that,

but it doesn't do the
same thing for her.

- Oh, thanks.
- Boys, I'm so sorry.

I have to deal with a Chinese
fur catastrophe, of all things.

Ah, see you later. Catch up later.

Great party, Dill.

Head-to-toe mesh and Chinese fur. What?

What do you think about
all this? You having fun?

- Yeah, of course I'm having fun.
- Good.

I did poppers with the guy
who invented Boy Butter.

And then this lady in a corset

asked me if I was one of Ralph
Lauren's adopted male model sons.

Ralph doesn't have any adopted sons.

I know, that's why I'm sticking
to my story that I'm one of them.

- Good on you.
- Right?

Yeah, I'm just checking in.
Yeah, it's important to check in.

That's something I care about.

Have I told you how happy I
am that you're here tonight?

Well, I'm happy to be here.

I feel oddly at home. Your
friends are all very nice.

Mine are mean and poor.

Yeah, they're good people.

It's easy to lose sight
of what's important,

and good people are what's important.

In my line of work, you get stuck
between these two polarities,

with orphans in Haiti and rich meals,

tsunami-wrecked shores and fine suits.

You get emotional whiplash. It's hard
to tell what's real and what's not.

But in the end of the day, it's
who's left standing beside you

that matters most.

I'm so happy that you're
standing beside me.

Wow, you're like a poet.

I guess I'm inspired.

How you'd like to meet Zac Posen?

I would love to meet Zac Posen.

Okay.

No, no, no. I don't owe
you a goddamn thing, Ruthie.

You owe me the last 20 years, ya queer.

You want me to prove
to you I'm not queer?

You want me to do more
for you than I already do?

Oh, please. What do you fucking do

for me anyway? Dirty the dishes
and leave your underwears around?

- What's that?
- What?

It sounded like a lady out there.

So what?

Since when are you
interested in girls, anyway?

Nah, something strange
going on out there, I think.

If you want one of his
cigarettes, just take it.

People were totally eating out
of the candy bowl next door.

Oh, God. Ay dios mio, I
should've married your sister.

No, you should've married my brother.

I don't want to hear
about this anymore...

Dad, I think there's a
lady in the courtyard.

It can't be anything good this time
of night. Did you finish your homework?

No, I was watching a program
and forgot. Why do I...?

...you guys aren't hanging out
together at the grocery store and

- sucking each other's tits? Fuck you!
- Fuck you.

♪ Until someday ♪

♪ You'll want me to want you... ♪

♪ When I am strong ♪

♪ For somebody new... ♪

♪ And though you don't want me now ♪

♪ I'll get along somehow ♪

♪ And then I won't ♪

♪ Want you ♪

♪ I said that someday ♪

♪ You'll want me to want you ♪

♪ When I'll be strong ♪

♪ Honey, I'll be strong ♪

♪ For somebody new ♪

♪ And ♪

♪ And though you don't want me now... ♪

The point is, if Sir Ian McKellan

wants to use me as a human
shield, who am I to argue?

Oh, it looks like
it's time for a refill.

I'll get it.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

You're the host. People need you.

Thank you, dear.

Okay, now's the time in the
evening where I explain ISIS to you.

So just... we're just gonna
take it down a notch and, ah...

please, you're just in time.

Quite the shindig.

I've, ah, already had, like, 14
of those tiny plates of tartar

with that little quail egg.

I know, if this building
got bombed, Sarah Jessica Parker

would have to speak at,
like, a hundred funerals.

Were you here last month
for the morning rave?

Uh, no. No, I was not.

What brings you here tonight?

Well, uh, our fair host, actually.

Oh, nice. Dill's a doll, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah.

It's always hard to
know when somebody's so,

you know, famous, quote, unquote, but...

I gotta say, he really knows
how to make a guy feel like

- the only girl in the room, you know?
- Mm.

He called me from Baghdad the
other week from a satellite phone

just to see how my teeth
cleaning went. I mean...

- so sweet.
- Oh, I mean,

tell me about it. Like, you
know, he took my friend Muzzy

to this black-tie gala last week

and, you know, Muzzy
doesn't even own a tuxedo.

Dill had one made for him.
Made. You know, lifesaver.

- Really?
- Ooh, rosemary mojito, please, yes.

You know, I feel like a lot of
people here have stories like that.

You know, like one time
I was complaining about

how stressed out I was at work because
of all these promotions I was getting,

and I didn't know that
Dill was listening.

And he treated me to a
weekend in the Bahamas.

That was, of course, before
I met my boyfriend. Ugh!

Of course.

Oh, do you know Shane?

- Uh, Metzler-Cobbling?
- No.

No. Okay, well, he and Dill
only dated for, like, two weeks,

but Dill still lets him live in
his spare downstairs apartment.

I mean, it's not even a creepy
deal. Like, they only have sex

when Shane really wants
to, which I hear is a lot,

but, like, I haven't talked
to Shane in a while...

- Please walk away.
- Okay.

This neighborhood, there's
always noise outside.

- You don't think anything of it.
- Mm-hmm.

We were just living
our boring lives, baby.

This play is super unrealistic.

I need to talk to you now.

Can I ask you... do
you think that I deserve

all of the things that
are happening to me?

Maybe.

- Are Jessa and Adam fucking?
- Oh, come on.

Seriously, Marnie, if you
know anything, I can take it.

You gotta tell me.
I need you to share...

I'm sorry, I've been a little
too busy Yelping divorce lawyers

to worry about the sex lives
of our second-tier friends.

I know it. They're fucking.
They are fully fucking.

- What the fuck is wrong with people?
- Shh!

Ahem!

Someone's in here.

There you are. You disappeared.

And, to add insult to injury,
with my drink in your hand.

Sorry, I guess I just needed a break.

Well, you come out when you're ready.

You look hot as hell
tonight. I wanna show you off.

Hey, Dill, did you take someone named
Muzzy to a black-tie gala last week?

I'm sorry, but... but did you?

I took a friend to a
work event last week, yes.

There are many friends,
there are many work events.

Is there a reason why you're asking?

No, I just...

- no, somebody just said that.
- Mm-hmm.

They also said you
keep a guy named Shane

downstairs for sometimes sex.

Of course they did.

You know, just because
I'm a public figure,

people feel they have a
right to say what they want,

think what they want.

God damn it, it's hard sometimes.
I... I don't have any power to stop it.

It's good that you're
learning this now, Elijah.

There's always gonna
be people in your ear.

The key is knowing when to tune it out.

You know that I would never
disappoint you on purpose, right?

I know.

So, lighten up, tough guy. It's a party.

I just want to be clear
about what our situation is.

What situation?

I'm a busy man with a
lot of important friends.

Many of them are out there right now.

Most of them are enjoying themselves.
There's only one who isn't,

and he's standing right in front
of me, keeping me from them.

Well, maybe those people
don't want to say anything

'cause they're too psyched to be
hanging out with a famous person.

Uh, no, I don't think that's it.

What?

So now I should leave?

Do you think you should leave?

I don't know.

I'm glad we had this
talk. I feel better.

You should, too.

If you don't, then, ah,
yes, I'd go if I were you.

I do not feel better.

You don't know for sure, though.

Do I not fucking know those
tree-hugging clit-suckers?

I fucking know. They were
doing it behind my back,

but right in front of my face.

- What the fuck are you doing here?
- Marnie, I have to talk to you.

Desi, no means no. The
divorce is happening.

- I told all our friends...
- This is bigger than our divorce.

This is bigger than anybody's
divorce. Marnie, we got the call.

What?

Alex Patsavas.

Alex Patsavas.

Alex Patsavas?

- Alex Patsavas?
- Yeah, man.

Who the fuck is Alex Patsavas?

Hannah, pick up a newspaper. She does
all the music on "Grey's Anatomy."

Well, let's not minimize, Marn. She
also fucking killed it on "Twilight"...

- "Gossip Girl"...
- "Gossip Girl,"

- "OC."
- I mean, she's, like...

What did she want?

- What she wants... what she wants...
- Uh-huh?

is to use "Matter of
Waiting" on "Grey's."

They say it's for a huge fucking scene.

- Somebody fucking dies, Marn.
- Oh, my God, who dies?

They're not gonna tell me that,
but it's a principal for sure.

- A principal?
- Yes.

It could even be a
montage. I don't know.

- But I could see that, you know?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I could totally see that.
- This is the real deal.

- I talked to Marcus from the label.
- Yeah.

He said we have to ride the wave.

We have to fucking tour
the shit out of this song.

This is our moment. We
gotta make this work.

Yes, we do, we do.

- We have to make this work.
- Okay.

You mean just as a band, right?

Yeah, just the band.

♪ Cuckoo clock, stop looking at me ♪

♪ Do you see the world that I see? ♪

Elijah!

Elijah!

Stop it.

You left without saying good-bye.

Well, I didn't have
anything left to say.

I'm sorry...

I didn't tell you how much you mean.

You are wasted. Come on.

Let's go lie down.

- Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yes

Wait, wait. I don't...

- I don't want to be with you like this.
- Like what?

Like Mel Gibson.

Okay.

Dill?

Dill?

Everyone just assumes we made all
this progress in the last few decades,

we made all these monumental
strides forward in our thinking,

but the fact is, the
ugly truth is, Hannah,

human apathy continues to be one
of the grossest threats to mankind.

Very dangerous. Very dangerous.

Right up there with those
"Keep Calm and Carry On" posters

and anyone who chooses to
have more than one child.

Very dangerous.

But what if you've been a
silent bystander all along,

but you don't even know it? You
just... you've been a witness,

but you've been a witness to
something you couldn't explain

because you didn't
know anything about it,

so how could you say anything about it?

- And then...
- Hey.

Why don't you deal with this one?

I'm gonna do some follow-up reading.
I'm going deep Internet. Good-bye.

Okay.

So, ready to put aside our differences
and have a nice rest of the night?

Hey.

Hello, hello, hi.

Great job, by the way. I
thought the play was really good.

I thought you really were
subtle with the rape theme.

Thanks. Thank you.

Hey.

Hey.

I'll, uh... bye.

Okay, I can see that
you're stonewalling me here.

Is this because of what you said before,
that this isn't working out for you?

Because even if that is true,

I would ask that you
at least acknowledge

that you can hear me right now.

Hannah?

Hannah.

Hey, I'm...

What the fuck?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. That was...

What the hell is going on?

I'm really sorry.

Do you want to be alone
for the night? Like,

- that's fine.
- I really don't.

I really do not want to be alone
for the night. I'm so sorry, Fran.

Please.

I'm so sorry.

♪ I swear I was in love with you ♪

♪ But sometimes words
don't work the way ♪

♪ We wish they would ♪

♪ My friends said that you said ♪

♪ That you rearranged me ♪

♪ I wonder, did I have the
same effect on you? ♪

♪ I was alone in my own head ♪

♪ When you dove through ♪

♪ When you dove through ♪

♪ I still pray for you
when you curse my name ♪

♪ But maybe boys my age make
so many fuckin' mistakes ♪

♪ I was alone in my own head ♪

♪ When you dove, dove ♪

♪ Through. ♪