Girls (2012–2017): Season 5, Episode 4 - Old Loves - full transcript

Hannah and Fran have an exaggerated argument and she is left feeling hesitant about their relationship, Desi makes another thoughtless decision without consulting Marnie, and sparks begin to fly between Jessa and Adam.

So, you had the kids write a poem

and then an essay explaining the
literary antecedents of the poem.

- Yeah-huh.
- That's cool.

I'm really happy with how the kids

interpreted the assignment.

What are you doing?

Ah, I just saw a couple things
you didn't catch on the essay here.

- Fran, stop.
- What?

- Seriously.
- What are you doing? Don't... no.

- I don't care about that stuff.
- Why are you crossing that out?

- I don't care about that stuff.
- That's a misplaced adverb.



Yeah, I told them to just
really focus on creativity

in this assignment and
let everything else go.

But that's not proper English.

Yeah, and they can focus on proper
English in another assignment.

I appreciate your creative approach
with these kids, but I know them, okay?

And they need a bit of a
push to be more rigorous,

so, sorry, but I just want to make sure

everyone learns the
right thing, you know?

You and, uh, "Mail Brown."

It's Maile, it's Gaelic.

She doesn't like it when people
call her "Mail." It embarrasses her.

Wow, this is an abomination.

Fran, I really don't
want you to do this.

I'm sorry. That one I thought
you wouldn't mind my correcting.



I mind all of it, okay?
I mind every bit of it.

All right, there's one more.
Can I please... there's one more.

- No, no, no.
- Can I please...? It's one...

Oh, my God!

Hey, Frank.

Hey, Adele.

What?

You know, I have tried
to be a responsible

and warmhearted neighbor to you, Marnie,

and, truthfully, it
hasn't always been easy.

Uh, okay.

I just wish you and your boyfriend
could extend the same courtesy

of spirit and action to me.

Well, actually, he's
my husband now, so...

Whatever.

Oh, my God.

- Desi?
- Yeah?

Desi! Hello?

Marn, ciao, Bella.

How you doing?

Uh, what the fuck is this?

Oh, guys, let's take... let's take five!

- Let's take a break. Hey.
- Hi.

I thought you were getting
back from your mom's tomorrow.

Well, uh, no, she... she got
back together with her boyfriend.

She didn't need me anymore. What the...

- Bryce?
- fuck is... Yeah. What the

fuck is going on?

Well, fuck, I was
hoping we were gonna be

a little further along
when you came home, but...

surprise.

Welcome to your new
one-bedroom apartment.

Oh, my God.

Walk with me, if you
will, into your bedroom.

Okay, imagine, if you would, right,

- Sunday morning.
- Oh, my God.

You're lying in bed browsing podcasts.

Meanwhile, on the
other side of this wall,

unbeknownst to you, guess
who's in the studio/kitchen

practicing fingerpicking
and making you chilaquiles.

Come on, you know how you're always
talking about how we need more space.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I definitely
said I wanted more space.

And yet somehow now I have less space

because there's a giant fucking
wall in the middle of my apartment.

Well, yes, if you think about it

in terms of technical square footage...

- Yeah.
- then you are correct,

but we will have more privacy,

which is what you meant
when you said more space.

No, it's not. I literally
meant that I needed more space.

How much is this gonna cost us?

Like, nothing. I mean, nothing.
We're getting a seriously good deal.

I mean, the wall pretty
much pays for itself.

Okay, how?

Okay, well, you know how you always
go into the coffee shop to work

and you have to keep buying tea
so that they don't kick you out?

Well, that costs a lot of money, Marn.

Actually, three grand a year.

So in a little more than a
year, this will be all paid off.

- That is insane.
- Don't call me insane.

You know my mother
used to call me insane.

I did not call you insane.
I said, "That is insane."

What is this? This is a
crazy tiny little shelf.

What the fuck do you put on this shelf?

Excuse me.

- That's a custom shelf...
- Oh.

- for my Ray Bradbury Digest collection.
- Oh, my God. I see how it is.

- What?
- This is all for you.

This is all for fuckin' you.

No, Marnie, this is all for you!

Actually, all I have is a
teensy fucking tiny Digest shelf.

No, you do what you want

- You're good.
- when you want, how you wanna do it

and it's like I don't
even fucking exist.

- Have you seen... no, you're good, bro,
- Excuse me. Jesus!

you're good. Are you kidding
me? You're gonna walk out?

Yeah.

Keep walking.

Man.

This is no reflection
on your work, all right?

I pushed that double stroller
for two miles up a fucking hill.

The twins were crying and I just...

I told them to shut up because I was
concentrating on not having a drink.

I hate motherhood.

I know I'm supposed to
love it, but I don't.

It's so fucking boring.

My kids are a year and a half.

They can't even speak English yet.

Oh, this is a women's meeting.

Oh, no. Uh, sorry.

Okay, I'll wait till you go.

Oh, fucker, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck.

So, um, I'm still
breast-feeding, not by choice.

- Hey.
- Hi.

You don't usually go to this meeting.

What, are you stalking
me? Seriously, chill.

I was in the neighborhood.

Since when are you
ever in fucking Tribeca?

The only reason to come here
is to pickpocket a yuppie.

Oh, yeah, by the way. Here you go.

Practicing for an audition.

You didn't.

This is yours!

Someone told me you're only
going to women's meetings.

Yeah, I need sisterhood.

Yeah, well, these are
meetings I can't go to.

And you're not returning
any of my texts.

They're barely
sentences. "You need eat"?

What... that doesn't
even make any sense.

Why the fuck are you avoiding me?

Because it's a horrid idea

and because I'm focused on
my studies and because...

you smell like ham.

Oh, and you fuckin' love it.

And because of Hannah.

- Oh, fuckin' balls!
- I'm sorry. I'm so...

You know she wouldn't do the same
thing if she was in your position.

She'd just throw herself
right at whatever she wanted.

Unlike you. You're a pussy.

I didn't say I liked her!

That's how I got pregnant, so, careful.

Look at them over there.

Crawling over each other for a chance to
sip that million-dollar lidless coffee.

While in here, my world is crumbling.

Silently, relentlessly crumbling.

Excuse me, sir, would
you like another scone?

Sir?

Gonna throw them out anyway.

Do you even care? Do you give one
flying fuck about my economic decimation?

Yeah, a little.

A little.

Spiritually, how am I
supposed to negotiate

with a society that rewards those
shaggy-haired dickholes? Tell me.

'Cause I can't. I don't
know how to. You know...

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm trying to see if
there's hair on my lower

back. I feel like there is, but
it's very... it's very subtle.

Let me take a look.

Wow, it's like a baby's
bottom. Very smooth. Do you wax?

No, never. Just... just very lucky.

Yeah, my lower back tends
to get a little bushy

if I neglect to prune it.

Well, you just never know
when new hair is gonna start

sprouting out of someplace
on your body, right?

- I know.
- I mean, you know.

So I can only presume you
have a hot date tonight?

Uh, yeah, let's just say that...

I'd like my lower back
to make a good impression.

Who's the lucky guy?

Ray, I'm sorry, but I really shouldn't
say. He's, um... he's quite famous.

Dill Harcourt.

Let's not make a big
deal out of this, okay?

I didn't say a word.

It's just gonna be just a very simple,

small dinner party at Lattanzi.

What the fuck is that?

Ray, Lattanzi is a very
famous Theater District eatery.

It's just very stressful for me because

Dill has so many celebrated
and influential friends.

It's hard to say who could be there.

It might be Diane
Sawyer, Graydon Carter.

He was texting with
Amanda Knox the other day.

- Didn't she kill someone?
- No.

Maybe.

Patty Clarkson. I saw... I-I-I saw them

in a magazine once together.

Her friends call her Patty.

Patty Clarkson.

Hey, Maile. What's up?

What happened to my poem?

Does it look weird to you or is it...?

There's actually a
lot of weird instances

where the first lady and the
president don't even sleep

in the same bedroom, which is...

People don't...

Excuse me for one moment.

What the hell? You cannot just
interrupt a class like that.

She needs answers.

Come here.

All right.

Do I know you?

Oh, yeah. Um...

I really liked your poem.

No, he didn't.

Hannah, this is wildly inappropriate.

Oh, come on, all I did was interrupt
your class. It's not that big a deal.

Um, actually, it is.

I think what was inappropriate
was what happened last night.

Um, what does this
have to do with my poem?

Well, Mr. Parker, aka
Fran, aka my boyfriend,

didn't like how I was
correcting your poem,

so he decided to take it
into his own damn hands.

Okay, "Mail."

Her name is Maile. "Miley."

Hannah was not correcting the grammar

and I thought it was important
for you to learn proper English.

Listen, Fran, proper English is a joke.

In 10 years, we're all gonna be
robots who speak Chinese, okay?

So why don't you apologize for
what you did to this piece of paper?

I didn't rip it. I may have written some

stuff on there, but
the rips were all her.

- She did the rips.
- He did the rips.

He ripped the shit out of this

- piece of paper.
- No.

I... I really think I
should be in my next class.

- Yes.
- Oh, you're not going anywhere, Missy.

You started this and you'll finish it.

I just wrote a poem and an essay

on its literary antecedents
like you said to.

Look what you did.

- What I did?
- Yeah.

Hannah, you are being t-too much.

Oh, okay. Well, for someone
who likes corrections so much,

I'm gonna issue a big
fat one in your direction.

- Great.
- I'm not being too much.

I'm being just enough.

You know what? I have a class
I'm supposed to be teaching.

Well, why don't you enjoy...

with the blood of this
child on your hands?

Hey.

Hi.

What you doing?

Oh, nothing. Just hiding from Desi.

Great, 'cause I'm hiding from Fran.

I'm never going back to that apartment.

Guys, you cannot stay here indefinitely.

I have so much studying to do.

What you lookin' at?

The Old Loves Tumblr. It's
the best. Do you know it?

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, that's the ah,

old people having sex. I love that one.

Nope, it's just famous people who used
to be couples that we all forgot about,

- like Val Kilmer and Cher.
- They were a really good couple,

but she also seemed so much happier
with Rob Camilletti, that bagel boy.

Yeah. I mean, they all look super happy.

Then I guess something just goes wrong.

Maybe nothing went wrong.

Maybe the relationship just lasted for
the amount of time it was supposed to.

Maybe all relationships have,
like, a finite life span,

like Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson.

Or Fran and me.

Hannah, I don't even know what's
going on with you and Fran,

but I'm assuming he's right.

He actually isn't right.

Well, just work it out
because he's a really good guy.

He's actually not a good guy,
Marnie. He's a seemingly good guy.

Okay, well, that's a step up.

I mean, Adam didn't even
seem like a good guy.

Adam was actually more sane than Fran.

He was just in the body of a psychopath.

Actually, that's not true.

Adam's completely insane.

And he's bowlegged.

Just disgusting.

The worst thing about Fran is
that he has this prescribed idea

about how I should act
in any given situation.

When I don't fulfill his expectations,

he judges me.

- Oh, my God, that's horrible.
- Thank you.

No, that's exactly
what I'm doing to Desi.

I'm the one building the fucking wall.

I have to go apologize to him.

I don't understand.

Don't break up with Fran, okay?

Or else you're just gonna have
to start over with somebody new.

People who work on things stay together.

Otherwise, you're gonna
end up alone. Like Cher.

Can't I end up alone, but not like Cher?

You're already like Cher.

I'm gonna choose to take
that as a compliment.

This is one of my favorite places.

- It's very intimate.
- Very.

You know, when I was a kid,

I, um... I created a very intimate
cocktail lounge in my bedroom

by putting a bulletin board against
the wall and squatting underneath it.

It was called Chez Bird.

I was the headliner.

- Every night.
- Every night.

I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'm very nervous right now. I'm sorry.

You have nothing to be nervous
about. Everybody gets nervous.

I get nervous.

- Really?
- In second grade,

I peed my pants before
I had to go onstage.

So the last time you got
nervous was 35 years ago?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.

I bet you were a cute kid.

Come on, you've seen the pictures.

They're all over the Internet,

especially now that my aunt
sold them to pay her Oxy dealer.

I-I did see a couple on "Vanity Fair."

- And "Elle Girl."
- Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, there's some good things

and some bad things about fame.

I've been forced to assemble
a team that can handle the bad.

Dill, are you threatening me?

You try to fuck with me, you're toast.

- I'm just kidding. Sort of.
- Oh.

That was scary.

You keep looking to the door.

Do I?

I'm sorry, I, um... you know, I just...
I thought we were meeting people,

so I sort of had my "I'm
meeting people" hat on.

But, um... look, if-if
this is the type of thing

where I don't meet your friends...

I could, um... I-I
could be okay with that.

You shouldn't be.

Dill!

- Hey. Sorry we're late.
- Rob.

Sit down.

Desi?

Stupid fucking little hammer.

Why do we even have this little hammer?

Because my mom gave it
to me my freshman year.

Hey, hey. Do not do this for me.

I'm doing this for me, Marn.

I'm doing this for me.

Desi, I like the wall.

- This fuck... this fucking...
- I do. Hey, hey, hey.

idea's so fucking stupid.

No, no, it's not. Look,
I'm in our bedroom.

This is our bedroom.

- It's stupid. I'm such a fucking idiot.
- Hey.

- All my ideas are so fucking stupid.
- No, they're not.

You are a brilliant, creative
genius, okay? Seriously.

And if I have ever made you feel
otherwise, then that is on me.

- You mean it?
- Yeah...

I mean it.

Don't know why, like, I'm, like
trying to impress you all the time.

I feel so fucking insecure.

That's because I pick. I pick at people.

I don't know why I do it. It sucks,

- but I do. You're perfect.
- No, Marnie, you're...

No, you're perfect. You're like this...

shooting star and I'm
a rat in the gutter.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

No, you're not.

- Yes, I am.
- No.

I love you.

I need you.

- I'm, like, so lost when you go away.
- Shh, shh.

You see, I can't even
fucking get this stupid

- fucking tank top off!
- Shh. Take your time. Take your time.

- You're okay.
- I'm sorry.

Don't worry.

Thanks for coming out with me.

You said you would cut off my hair

if I didn't let you take
me out for rice pudding.

I just couldn't look at one boring
website after another anymore.

- Fluent in French Toast with Blessings?
- Yeah, that's me.

- Yes!
- And I Gotta the Panna Cotta.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

You're gonna wake up one
day and realize you've wasted

your entire life on dumb websites.

You're too late. That already happened.

Your brain is rotting.

You used to have interesting ideas and
now all you do is browse the Internet.

Maybe that's why you stopped writing.

That's not a very nice thing to say.

- Here you go.
- Oh, I'm sorry,

we don't take American Express.

Okay, well, that's all I have.

Perfect. I'm taking you out now.

That is perfect. Just perfect.

Thank you so much.

Thanks.

Okay, what's going on between us?

Nothing's going on between us, Hannah.

What's going on is that
I was trying to study

and I couldn't because
you didn't want me to.

Because you're jealous
that I have a passion,

so, of course, here I am
catering to your needs yet again.

Everyone has to drop everything for
Hannah when Hannah needs "support."

Why are you being so mean to me?

I'm always mean to you.

Yeah, but usually it's nicer.

Wow, shorts really seem to
be getting shorter these days.

You're acting so weird, okay? I
know you. Something's going on.

I'm fine.

Okay.

Okay, then, maybe we're just
growing in different directions.

Maybe you don't want
to be friends anymore.

Maybe.

Jessa!

What? I'm just trying to be open.

You know what? I'm thinking
maybe I'm gonna take

my Fluent in French Toast on the train.

If I'm gonna hang out
with someone who hates me,

it might as well be my boyfriend.

But, seriously, you are the biggest
bitch I've ever met in my whole life.

You are a total cunt.

I'm not here!

Hey!

- Hi.
- What's up? Come in.

I just... I just came from
seeing Hannah and, um...

What happened? What's wrong?

What's wrong is... is this.

Us.

You're shaking.

I've...

I've wanted this for a really long time.

Me, too.

Is that... yeah, it's fine.

It's fine.

Hold on, hold on, wait a sec.

I just need to put my leg...

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, no, I'm totally good.

I'm just perfect.

Don't do that.

- Sorry.
- That's okay.

- No, I like... like that.
- Yeah.

Okay.

Ow, fuck.

Is this what bad sex is like?

Mm-hmm. Yes.

- Mmm, fuck me.
- Yeah.

- Fuck me.
- Yeah, I am fucking you.

- Shit! Stop talking.
- Oh, sorry.

Yeah. Harder.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Harder.

Okay, faster.

Now slower. Stop, stop, stop.

Now, go, go!

Faster! Okay, slower.

- Slower, then faster.
- Okay.

- Slower, then faster.
- Wait.

- Stop talking. Yeah, fuck me!
- Okay. Sorry!

- Come on! Fuck me.
- I'm getting a cramp. I'm really sorry.

- Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Fuck me. Yeah, yeah.

Are you good?