Girls (2012–2017): Season 4, Episode 3 - Female Author - full transcript

You're first year?

Uh, no. Me? I'm in graduate school.

Yeah, no.

You don't look like an undergrad at all.

I just know that you're gonna try
to talk about Adam right now.

I didn't want to talk about Adam
until you brought Adam up.

I mean, how is that?

How are we supposed to critique a work
which is very clearly based

directly from the author's
personal experience?

That's so misunderstood in class...

But you have to understand that it's all
just a part of one big process.



I've a hundred percent moved on.

I'm fully one with my body
and my surroundings.

What are you even doing?

We're gonna go to a rager
on North Linn Street!

Okay, the free time
is mind-boggling.

I have class once a week,
and then the rest of the week

is just mine
to do whatever I want with,

so it's like I'm doing kind
of like home economics stuff.

I made these brownies myself
from scratch using just a mix.

And they're good.

Did you find me
my Amish bonnet yet?

No, people here are technically
Mennonites, they're not Amish,

so it's actually pretty
offensive to switch the terms.

I'm off to Java House
to meet Trad for an espresso.



Mm-kay, then you'll
come back to watch

the "Torkelsons" marathon
with me on TeenNick?

Oh, that sounds so fun,
but, you know what?

I've gotta pop across
the river and help DeDe

put the finishing touches
on her chapbook.

And then I've gotta
go check on Rafe.

But we're gonna go to that
poet party tonight, right?

I mean, what other choice do I have
in this fuckin' one-horse town?

There's literally nothing to do.

- Bye.
- Bye, lovey.

Oh.
Hi, Jessa.

Oh, hey.

I see you haven't backed off
on the self-tanner.

Still see you're wearing
that same sad kimono.

Bye.

Um, so, have you been
writing a lot lately?

- - Yeah, I mean... yeah.

Right now I'm in a more
pre-writing phase,

but it's all...
happening or will happen.

Um, what have
you heard from Adam?

Have you talked to him?

No, not really.
Briefly this morning.

But before that, maybe
once or twice yesterday

and then otherwise just at AA

every single fucking day
for the rest of my life.

Okay, well, that's sort of
a lot of time.

Does he ever mention me?

Um, no.

Well, that's good
'cause actually,

I hadn't thought of him
till just now.

You said something else
that started with the letter A

and it made me think of
Adam and how he was doing.

Also made me think of apples.

Jessa!

Oh, for crying sweet Jesus.

Nice, nice.

I mean, it actually
does look nice.

♪ 'Cause our love
keeps our bodies... ♪

No, but see, it's not
just about sex.

We text good night.
I met his cousin.

He, like, puts
his hand on my butt

when we're waiting
in line at Starbucks.

He makes me look at him
when he comes.

Okay, bottom line, as long
as he's with Clementine,

you are not his priority.

And you are definitely-- definitely
not in any kind of relationship.

But I'm not the mistress.

You are 1,000% the mistress.

Not if I end up
with him, I'm not.

Fuck, I could've sold this
to Yusef last weekend.

His situation with Clementine
is really fucking complicated.

She's got, like,
this autoimmune illness

where she gets
fevers and rashes.

I mean, it's weird. He has to be
very careful not to upset her.

It could, like,
endanger her health.

- "Fevers and rashes"?
- Yes.

- Bullshit.
- It's not bullshit.

- Bullshit!
- He's really worked up about this.

- It's hard for him.
- This guy has it made in the shade.

He's got a bungalow
on Easy Street

where he has his cake
and he eats it, too.

Do you understand?
The man's a Svengali, okay?

He's a Casanova
who counts cards secretly

while he's got
four queens up the sleeve.

He is not to be trusted.

I don't know.

Do you think maybe this is
just, like, cosmic retribution

for what we did to Shoshanna?

Putting aside my disdain
for the injection of witchcraft

into a conversation that was previously
tethered by logic and reason,

no, I don't think
that's what's happening here.

Yeah, you're right. I'm way
more upset than she ever was.

Look, even if this knot
were to somehow untangle itself,

even if he were to jettison her,

make a host of sweeping
promises to you,

hop on a white horse,

gallop to your place
with a truckload of roses--

- even if he did all that...
- Mm-hmm.

I still don't think
you should be with this guy.

Is it 'cause he called you
a hepcat that one time?

Because anyone who would
treat you this way

is selfish and a coward.

And we've already established he
has one massive character flaw,

which is that
he hasn't chosen you.

- Is this okay?
- Yeah.

Okay.

And, finally,
if all goes well,

your responsibilities
might include

allocating trend jewelry,

and helping us implement
our cardigan story for spring.

Oh, my God, I love
cardigans, first of all.

Um, also, I really
don't want to boast,

but I'm a little bit of an expert
when it comes to trend jewelry.

And maybe, like,
trends in general.

Perfect, perfect.
Just perfect.

Well, now that I've done
my little dog and pony show,

do you have
any questions for me?

Um, not really. This interview
was super informative.

And fun, right?
Am I crazy to say that?

No, it was totally fun.
It was so fun.

I feel like we were, like,
totally just grabbing drinks

- Totally.
- ...like we were best friends

- and we were talking about boys.
- Oh, my God, I love it.

Listen, Shoshanna, I can't
officially offer you the job

until meet the other candidates,

but if you want it--
totally yours.

Okay, that is literally
the exact feedback...

- Yay!
- ...that I was hoping for.

So I guess it's safe to say
I'll be seeing you really soon.

Um, actually, I don't
know if you will.

Wh-- um,
I'm sorry, what?

Well, I mean,
if I can be totally honest,

which I feel like
I really can be with you...

- Yeah.
- Um, I think in my heart of hearts,

I knew that, like, this was
really just a trial interview.

You know, to hone my skills,

test, like, the firmness
of my handshake

and the walkability
of these heels.

Why would you come in here
and waste my time

if you don't want to work
at Anne Taylor Loft?

I just needed a run-through
before I went on an interview

for a job that I was, like, deeply
passionate about, you know?

Okay, great. Well, thank you
for your candor, I guess.

Yeah, no, you should
know that about me.

I think it's really
important to be honest,

like, even when it's
a little bit difficult.

Super important, yeah.
Here you go.

Oh, no, you can keep that.

♪ And I will walk with you ♪

♪ And stand by you tall ♪

♪ You can bet on me ♪

♪ And I will call you home ♪

♪ I will call you home. ♪

Ugh, I am freaking out.

You guys...
how great are they?

Uh, seriously?
Goosebumps.

- Goosies. Feel it.
- He gets 'em big time.

Thank you.

I think we definitely have
to get Marcos in here.

Fuck.
When's he back?

Not soon enough.
Damn it.

When can we get you guys
back in to meet Marcos?

- I start shooting a movie
in a couple months... - Really, any time.

but before then, any--
yeah, any time.

- Yeah. Who is Marcos?
- He's my boss.

He's the one who can
really get the ball rolling.

There's a ball to get rolling?

Oh, yeah.
A big ball.

Wow.

Okay, so tell me before I
pop off, what's your story?

- Yeah, we're just...
- Primarily acoustic.

Yeah,
two singer-songwriters.

We've recorded two demos.

- How'd you meet?
- How long have you two been together?

- What's the sex like?
- Oh, my God!

I'm just kidding. Unless
they're gonna tell us.

I'm sorry.

Uh, we're--
we're not together.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

- No, no, it's fine. - No, don't feel bad.
That's a common mistake.

Yeah, it happens a lot.

I actually have a girlfriend.
Clementine Barrios is her name.

She's a consultant.

Bummer.

I'm just kidding.
I'm-- I mean, that's great.

She sounds great.

Can I have one of those...

- Oh, a cigarette?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would just love one
right about now

- for some reason.
- Marnie, you can't smoke in here.

Well, we can go outside
and smoke out there.

Marnie.

What?

We'll smoke after.

We had agreed
on this once-a-month rule

that was supposed to help with
boundaries or some fuckin' shit.

Yeah. I think
that's good, though.

I mean, I hate talking to people
who aren't within 50 feet of me.

Yeah, but every time
I got her on the phone,

- all she wanted to do
was talk about stupid shit. - Right.

Like they sell donuts
at the movie theater...

...or whatever. Nothing real.

I mean, she couldn't have been
getting anything out of that.

- Mm-hmm.
- I thought talking less would keep us

from having those stupid
conversations about fuckin' zero.

Guess who.

- Hi.
- Hey, you wanna go get a smoke?

- No.
- Why not?

I'm-- 'cause I'm
working right now.

I'm involved.
I'm giving back.

Can you just take a break?

No, no, but if you want
one, you can have one.

- Just take it.
- That'd be great.

- You'll meet me out there soon?
- Mm-hmm.

- See you soon.
- Bye, bye.

Man, you could've got
your dick sucked.

I let that kid make out
with me the other night

and he just, like, came
in his pants instantly.

- Aw.
- Can you believe that?

Were you pissed?

No. I mean, I get it.
It was flattering.

He's having trouble
with the whole God thing,

so I told him just replace the word "God"
for "Jessa" and, like, see if it helps.

And now I'm, like,
the only thing

standing between him
and a crack pipe.

You think it's fine if I throw out all
of Hannah's refrigerator magnets?

Ugh, this whole thing is why I hate
relationships between white people.

- Well, you don't even smoke.
- You don't--

I smoke every once in a while.

- When?
- I do every once in a while.

And then you started acting-- I
don't even know what that was.

- You derailed the whole meeting.
- Don't be a drama queen.

That's unprofessional.
No, that's unprofessional.

Come on, they liked us. We're
going back to meet with Marcos.

- I know.
- Chill the fuck out.

All right, it was
fuckin' strange, man.

- It was weird.
- Don't call me "man."

- Oh, my God.
- What?

Bella, what is
going on with you?

- Can you talk to me?
- I'm talking to you right now.

Because you are, like,
coming from a place that I--

I don't even recognize
this person.

Come here.
Come here.

All right, you know what?

- You wanna know what's wrong?
- Yeah.

I'll tell you what's wrong.
Sit down.

Okay, just so you know, what happened
in there was fucking awesome.

- I'm so psyched about it.
- Yeah, me, too.

What else is happening
in our relationship together,

I can't do it anymore.

You're talking
about the intimacy.

Yes, I'm talking
about the intimacy.

I can't do it anymore, Desi.
It's not working for me.

I'm not supposed
to be someone's mistress.

Nobody thinks of you
as a mistress, Marn.

But because nobody
thinks about me at all,

like, in relation to you.

I do.

That's not all
that matters to me.

We're building
a future together,

- a musical future together.
- Yeah.

So why the fuck do you still
have a girlfriend who isn't me?

Well, I never said that I would
end anything with Clementine.

Yeah, but, see,
it's normal for someone

to not want the person
that they're sleeping with

to be sleeping
with somebody else.

Yeah, I think that's a very
culturally-specific statement.

But I also think that I've been very
clear with you from the beginning, Marn.

Yes, you have, but that
doesn't make it okay.

That doesn't make it feel okay.

You are very young.
You are very smart.

- You are very beautiful.
- Thank you.

And you're living
in this amazing city, okay?

And if we're gonna have
this incredible, explosive,

sexually collaborative,
musical, love relationship,

which I can totally see,
to be honest with you,

maybe right now
what you need to be doing

is exploring
and embracing your freedom

and figuring out what it is
that you really, really want.

The problem with your plan...

is that I already know
what I want.

You're not offering it to me.

So it's my sober birthday
next week-- four months.

Oh, cool.
What are you gonna do?

Uh, I don't know.

Laser tag, bumper cars
or something.

You'll probably have plans,

so it'll just be me alone
at Chuck E. Cheese again.

When's yours?

I used to have one,
but then I... didn't.

Well, make another one then, no?

No, you only get one birthday.

Oh.

But if you're serious about
actually doing something,

I'm-- I'm in.

Oh, okay.
I'll keep that in mind.

How have your nights been
with what's-her-face?

- Good, good, good.
- Right.

It's not like I see her
every day or anything.

You're a liar.

I mean, it's cute.
It's very funny.

But, you know.

I really have to pee.
Can you hold my bag a sec?

I'll be one second.
I just--

You're-- you're
gonna do that here?

I'm not waiting for a park or,
like, stepping into a restaurant.

Jesus fucking--
okay.

Okay, cop, cop, cop, cop, cop.

- What--?

Put a plug in it.

Are you serious?

Sorry.
All done here, Officer.

Sorry, Officer, she's foreign.

You can't piss
in the street, miss.

Oh, come on.
Are you gonna write me up?

- Yeah.
- Why don't you write the city up

for not having enough places
for women to piss in?

- All right, Jessa.
- Are you kidding me?

There's a toilet like
every 17 blocks, you know.

This is insane.

This is your summons. You'll
pay a $50 fine, all right?

Are you serious?

Why don't I just send you
the bill from my gynecologist

when I get a UTI
from holding it in?

No.

Now, ma'am, you didn't
want to do that.

You know what? I'm tired
of being complacent. Bye.

Turn around. Stop walking.
Turn around.

You're under arrest.

You're under arrest.
Do not resist.

Ow, ow!
Come on, that hurts.

- He's hurting her. Stop, you're hurting her!
- That hurts!

- She's fine, she's fine.
- Stop resisting. Ma'am--

- Ma'am-- hey, hey, hey!
- Would you stop? You're hurting--

- Get this guy off me! Hey, knock it off!
- All right.

- You're done. Come over here.
- And you be still.

Yeah, she literally said that the guys from
Green Day wanted to have sex with her.

- That's disgusting.
- Ugh.

Zed, Zed, do another bong hit,

okay, 'cause by the time
I took the picture,

the smoke wasn't in that
whimsical cloud shape anymore.

Oh, the whimsy.

God, I love the poets.

This party sucks dick.

What are you talking about?

The twins who live here
have legal access

to medicinal mushrooms
and ecstasy.

I mean, it's like,
you're welcome.

I really don't feel good.
I think I have mono.

- For the fifth time?
- Yeah.

Maybe it's finally
something more serious.

Lilly, Lilly,

show me those
diminutive little nips.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Did you, like, watch the
Bill Cunningham documentary?

Why are you taking
so many pictures?

I just realized I got
so good at taking selfies,

I wasn't feeling
challenged anymore.

And then I thought,

"What would happen if I
turned the camera around?"

It was a real epiphany
for me, Hannah.

I feel really uncomfortable.
Everyone from my program's here.

I don't want
to be here right now.

It's just because
you hot-rolled your hair.

It's just you. You're
uncomfortable in your own skin

and you think it's
everybody else's problem.

But you know what? Wherever
you are, there you go.

Is that the quote?

Does that sound right?

Tito, what are you doing?

It's just like everybody's saying
it's such a gift, you know,

to have all this time to write, but then
how come the only thing I want to do

is Google the one month where Woody
Harrelson and Glenn Close were a couple?

This is what
you always do, okay?

It's like in college when you would
cry and cry into your tater tots

about not getting
your papers done on time,

but somehow you would always
get those papers done.

Yeah, but Marnie wrote
like half those papers,

and now I'm in school for the
thing I actually want to do,

so shouldn't I actually
want to do it?

No, that's not how it works.

Nobody likes what they do.

Do you think Dakota Fanning
wants to be Dakota Fanning?

100%.

Being Dakota Fanning is amazing.

You get so many free boots.

Well, if that's how you feel,
why are you even trying?

Because I'm a writer
and that's what I do.

Well, I was a dancer, but you don't
see me five-six-seven-eighting

my way into rooms
anymore, do you?

And when you let that go...

what was that like?

It was the biggest relief
in the world.

- Hannah?
- Mm-hmm.

Everything works out
the way it should.

This side of the room
needs to be sexier.

That's good.
That's really prom-y.

♪ You got me doin'
funny things like a clown ♪

- ♪ Just look at me... ♪

Ploshansky.

♪ When you wear
your high-heeled boots... ♪

What?

Are you fucking kidding me?

When?

Both of you?

You know what I really
hate is this cross-pollination,

like blogs becoming books,
which then become TV shows.

Yeah, don't worry, just breathe.

Nobody's gonna force you to
watch "The Fault in Our Stars."

You guys sound so old.

And I don't get why we're so
judgy about popular writing.

I write one story
with a blowjob in it

and suddenly I'm
"Fifty Shades of Grey" girl.

Yeah, that wasn't just because
of the blowjob, Hannah.

Yeah, some stories about
blowjobs have literary merit.

Yeah,
like D.H. Lawrence,

Henry Miller, Philip
Roth, Martin Amis.

Ha!

Ha?
What ha?

Ha, you only named writers
with penises.

- Oh, snap.
- She has a point. She has a point.

Yeah, how are you
gonna answer that, D?

Uh, with an "And?"

And it's the same kind
of patriarchal bullshit

female authors have been
dealing with for centuries.

- You're part of it.
- Take it easy.

You're starting to sound
a little hysterical here, okay?

Hysteria?

Hysteria is how
they diagnosed women

who they found uppity
in the 1800s

and had an excuse
to remove their ovaries.

That was not my intent.

I was just saying it's getting
a little electric in here.

You're missing
her points here.

Being pigeonholed isn't fun.

And if you guys doubt me,

why don't you take a turn
in the hot seat?

For example, look at Jeffrey.

What a little rich,
whiney white guy.

Thinks he's Updike, thinks it's a
revolution that he hates his parents.

You probably only have one ball.

I have two balls, thank you.

I don't know why
you're laughing, Chester.

You are a tragically hip
gaysian...

Thank you.

...who is writing manic-pixie-dream-girl-
pseudo-"Weetzie Bat" bullshit.

Your whole story was just like
a winky-eye emoji

followed by a poop emoji.

Dude.

- Chandra.
- All right, yeah.

We started out as friends,
now I'm not so sure.

But you were blessed
with an exotic name

and now you get to be the
first and foremost authority

on third-world issues
here in Iowa.

- Huh.
- Dude!

- Priya.
- Hmm?

If you keep writing
about prison in the South,

I'm gonna murder someone and go
to prison right here in Iowa.

- Logan.
- Bring it, Hannah. What?

You are the most
bad mood Millie.

There's like a storm cloud
over our whole classroom.

Get it together.
Take an Ativan.

You have no idea
what medications

I'm already on, frankly, Hannah.

And we've got D. August.

I know, I know.

We don't mention D. August because
he's the golden boy of our program

and we're all busy, you know, licking
his anus, his balls, and his taint.

Somebody's licking my balls?
I didn't know that.

- Thank you, guys.
- But this "patron saint of the streets" thing,

it's bullshit.
We know it.

This is not a hardened criminal.

This guy's never been to jail.

Can I see your record?

Can I see your criminal record?

Guys, this is
what history does to us.

And I don't want to be
the only one who's honest.

I want us to be honest together.

I think it's better that you guys
chew on all this without me.

Really soak it in.

I have to go now.

I think we just
found our own Lindsay Lohan.

That was
some fucked-up shit.

I hope you goons are fuckin'
proud of yourselves.

We didn't do anything.

- You didn't do anything?
- No.

You guys are a pair
of barbarians.

You know that?

We live in a civil society

that's buttressed by decency
and respect, okay?

We don't resist arrest when
we've done something wrong.

We don't tackle police officers.

And we sure as fuck do not
urinate on the sidewalk!

It was abuse.
It was Stop and Frisk.

You cretins owe me three grand.

Three grand!

Fuckin' hate cops.

Fuzz, po-po, pigs.

Okay, later.

Where are you going?

I'm not doing this with you.

What?

Adam, you saw
what they were doing.

Grow up.

You're a bad influence.

I'm a bad influence.

You're an adult man.
I can't be an influence.

You know, I saw this all the
time with you and Hannah--

you getting her into these
fucking ridiculous situations,

walking away, just being
fucking manipulative.

I had sympathy because I
knew you had a problem,

but you're sober and you're
still pulling this shit.

What are you trying to provoke?

You know what? I don't even
want to-- I don't want to know.

It's, uh...

I don't have time for this.
I don't need any more friends.

Oh, so none is enough for you?

Adam, I do.

Please.

Adam, I really need you
to be my friend.

- - Yeah, we do.

Yeah, we really do.

♪ I have all that I need ♪

♪ And now that I have it,
I don't want it anymore ♪

♪ I don't have what I need ♪

♪ And now that I want it,
I don't have it anymore ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody
wants somebody, too ♪

♪ And everybody
wants somebody new ♪

♪ I don't have what I need ♪

♪ And now that I want it,
I don't have it anymore ♪

♪ I have all that I need ♪

♪ And now that I have it,
I don't want it anymore ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody
wants somebody, too ♪

♪ I have ♪

♪ Everything I've ever
really wanted ♪

♪ Hoping for the best ♪

♪ All the time. ♪