Girls (2012–2017): Season 3, Episode 5 - Only Child - full transcript

Oh, my God, he
really knew so many people.

It's just crazy that
you don't know the depth

of someone's power
until their funeral.

It's so sad.

Oh, my God.

I think I see Zadie Smith.

That is definitely her.

All right, calm down, kid.
It's a funeral.

Who do you know here?

Uh, that's David's
assistant, Bob.

- Hi, Bob.
- Oh.



I'm so sorry for your loss.

Oh, hi, Hannah.
Thank you.

Oh, Bob.

Bob.
Sweet, sweet Bob.

What would I do without you?

Hi, I'm Adam.

- Oh, hi, Adam.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- This is Hannah.

- Hannah, hi.
- A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

I'm Annaliese.

Oh, you haven't met.
This is David's wife.

Oh, you're...

you're David's wife, yes.

- So, you two lived together...
- Yes.



...romantically
as well as maritally.

I'm sorry, I... how did
you know my husband?

- This one. - Uh, yes, I was writing
my memoir for him.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, I know exactly who you are.

David spoke about you
all the time.

- He did?
- He did.

Oh, gosh, he loved you.

He really loved you so much.

You know, he always
would tell me

about this amazing girl
that I needed to meet

who would overcome
such obstacles.

And now, finally,
I am meeting you.

Thank you. Well, my OCD is
very much in check now...

But the Tourette's
and the obesity...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That was Paige.

- What?
- That wasn't Hannah. That was Paige.

- Not Hannah.
- Oh.

- Obesity?
- Um, no, no, no.

- I don't have Tourette's.
- I'm so sorry.

- I don't know about obesity...
- If everyone could take their seats.

I've always thought I was
more chubby than obese.

No, no, no, overcame.
It's my... I'm so sorry.

- It's nice meeting you.
- No, please.

It's very nice to...
Bob, where are we headed?

- Thank you.
- Where are we seated?

I thought
you said he was gay.

Well, I don't know now.

He had gay apps on his iPhone

and he liked
to show his ankles,

but what does that even mean
in this day and age?

Hello, everyone. I
am Father Tudor Snowdon.

Today we celebrate the life
of David Pressler-Goings.

Can we go now, please?

I'm not leaving until I have
locked eyes with Michiko Kakutani.

I told you that.

I'm gonna wait outside.

Okay.

Hi again.

Oh, hi.

- Hannah.
- Right.

- Not Paige, Hannah.
- I know.

- I know, I'm sorry.
- No, don't be.

I was surprised that David
had such a beautiful...

just stunningly...

You thought he was gay.

- Uh, no.
- Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did. It's okay, it's okay.

- I didn't. I thought he was straight.
- It's okay.

I thought he was straight. I thought
he wanted to sleep with me.

- Really, I know you... - I mean, I wouldn't
have slept with him, but...

A lot of people think it.

A lot of people
think he was gay.

Well, he acted gay.

And, you know, he was...

- sometimes.
- Okay.

I loved working
with your husband.

- David was wonderful.
- Oh, I bet.

I mean, I know.

Um... I'm working
on a book with David, too.

I was. Was.

I really hope
you finish the book,

and I really, really hope
I get to read it someday.

Thank you.
Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, now that Millstreet has
dropped all of David's projects,

I just...

I'd have to find a new publisher,
so, you know, we'll see...

Wait, you said Millstreet's
dropped all of David's projects?

Yeah... oh, shit.
Shit.

There's David's mom.
She's so devastated.

- Have you seen Pepper? Did you meet her?
- No, I didn't, no.

- She's devastated and I should...
- You were saying that...

you were saying that Millstreet's
dropped all of David's projects?

Right, that's right.
For now, yeah.

So my book is dead?

Um...

Do you happen to know
another publisher

that I could maybe
slip the manuscript to

if I do decide
that I really want to

try to keep it alive?

Okay, um, if I do
give you another name,

will you get the fuck
out of here?

Yes.

Great.

Great, I'll be back.

Honestly, I just...

I loved your husband.

You know the person
who gave me this

told me that it used to belong to Edna St.
Vincent Millay.

But who can ever know
if that's true?

Can you believe that my
friend told me that she died

so that she didn't have
to hang out with me?

Yeah, no, I totally get that.

Excuse me?

Okay, look, I know that we, like,
technically live together,

but this is still
very much my private home

and it just is slightly
worrisome to me

that all you do all day long

is sit around and watch
"The Forensic Files."

And I have kept
my mouth shut until now,

but I literally cannot
keep my mouth shut any longer

because I really need to study.

- Since when?
- Since forever!

Plus, my recent hijinks have
really taken a toll on my GPA.

But I thought this was
your time to go wild

before you become an
international business lady.

Yeah, exactly, so it's really
important to my 15-year plan

that I get into
a good business school

because I don't want to become
like all my friends and family,

yourself included, no offense.

What happens after
the 15-year plan?

It would be, like, insane
to think about that.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I could definitely
come in tomorrow.

...conditioner later
and then it's deodorant.

Why? Why? Why are
you inherently disinclined

to support me in any way?

- You're living in my house.
- Oh, God!

Thank you so much.
I will see you then.

I really appreciate it.

Why should I give you anything?

Oh, right, God forbid. God forbid
we assist one another, right?

- Simply because we share the same blood.
- Guys...

Forget about the fact
that I spent

my formative years
raising you because Verna

- had absolutely no interest.
- No, I never asked you for anything.

- No one ever asked you for anything.
- Oh, please.

You can't be bothered
to do anything for anybody.

You need something
from everyone all the time...

Whoa!

Oh, my God.

Seriously.

Seriously, it's already been
a very long day for me,

and what I need
is a peaceful house

where people are centered.

See what you're doing,
Caroline?

You're upsetting Hannah when she
just found out her book is dead.

I actually just found out
I have a very exciting meeting

with a publisher who I think
is pretty interested.

I was just trying
to make myself a meal.

- Just feeding myself...
- With my last eggs.

Guys, I cannot take
this anymore, okay?

We have to work this out.

There is no working this out.

Okay, I've watched enough
"Dr. Phils" and "Interventions"

to know you can work anything
out if you talk about it.

I would love to.

Thank you, Caroline.
I appreciate that.

Adam?

Will you join us
at the listening table?

Please?

Come on.

Thank you.

Okay, I think
we should all start

by acknowledging that we all
really care about each other.

So, Caroline,
tell me you love me.

Hannah, I love you.

I love you, too. Adam,
you tell me you love me.

Why are we telling you
we love you?

Okay, so then
why don't you both

just tell each other
that you love each other?

- Adam, I love you.
- This is dumb.

Okay, emotions are
running high right now,

and I think
it's really important

that we avoid using
inflammatory language...

words like "dumb,"

words like "skank,"
"fatty."

Let's just acknowledge that
we're here for each other

and make this a safe space.

So, Adam, why don't
you just begin

by telling Caroline what some
of your issues are with her

in a very calm, rational way?

I feel like
she's an evil person

who pukes on everything,
metaphorically.

Okay, maybe perhaps
you could elaborate on that...

- Jeez.
- ...and be a little bit more specific

with some of your
issues with me.

- Okay, specifically...
- Mm-hmm.

...you don't know what you
want to do with your life.

You have no drive,
no real goals,

but somehow tons of opinions.

Interesting, interesting,
interesting, interesting, interesting.

Why is that interesting
seven times?

I just have to say

that sounds a lot like you.

Whose side are you on?

She's not on anyone's side.

She's the Dr. Phil.

Well, it's easy to say
when she's on your side.

- I'm not on anyone's side.

I'm not on anyone's side.

I'm on your side.

If I had to pick a side,
it would be your side.

This is something
I'm doing for us.

Why are you whispering?
She can hear you.

I can hear you.
I'm sitting right here.

- What is that? - This is a space
cigarette, invented by Stephen Dorff.

It's just water vapor
and nicotine

and good things
like that, you know?

I'm really on a mission
to improve myself.

Okay, if you're serious
about improving yourself,

you need to do more than just,
like, smoke Dorff cigarettes.

You need to, like, grocery
shop and condition your hair,

even though I know it does
so well with natural oils.

I'm gonna get that job.

Are you sure that's the kind
of job you should be having?

Like, being near things
that children are near?

Yeah, I want something
with a touch of innocence.

You have a criminal record!

No, I'm not like you.

I'm not a different person
every other week.

- Oh, really?
- You're hearing each other.

- Let's keep doing that.
- Really? Oh, what is it?

Okay, it was
an actor last week.

What was it before that,
a woodworker, huh?

And the last time
I saw you, you were, what,

you were gonna go join the
special armed forces, G.I. Joe?

- Those are professions.
- That's crazy.

I remain the same,
whereas you move to Montana,

put on a phony accent, and claim
to be a midwife or some shit.

It was a doula.

You know what, guys? Let's
just take a breath, okay?

Adam, we have given you
a chance to express

what some of your issues
with Caroline are.

So, why don't we now take a
moment to hear Caroline?

You are doing really good.

Thank you. I feel good about
it, but it's too soon to say.

Okay, first I want to say, Adam,
that I love you very much.

- Oh.
- However...

it really upsets me
that he thinks of me

as this insane,
dependent nightmare

because he knows how hard

I have been trying
to get my stuff together.

Things fell apart because of bad
luck and you're the victim again,

- but next year...
- Yes, yes, I am cursed with bad luck.

- I am sorry that that upsets you so much.
- Over and over.

Just get a normal job and an
apartment like everybody else

and stop bloodsucking.

He's been angry
like this always at me.

Yeah, yeah.
I know, I know.

I think it is possibly because

he is internally battling
a sexual desire for me.

Holy dogshit!

That's a weird one.
That's a weird one for me.

I'm sorry, guys. It doesn't
take a psychiatrist

to correlate Adam's
romantic interest in you

with a repressed
fantasy toward me.

I don't want to fuck my sister.

No one is saying you do.

Caroline just did.

That is true, and, Caroline,

that goes in the category
of things we should never

say out loud ever,
no matter what.

This is what she does. She finds a
way to drive a wedge between people

so everybody ends up
just as unhappy as she is.

I know, I know. I don't
want a wedge between us.

- She's sick in the brain.
- You're sick!

You're sick in the brain!
You're sick...

Stop it, you guys!

Please stop!

- Please! Hey! Hey!
- Aha.

Hey, T.O.!
You're nuts!

I do not understand
why you can't

be a little bit better
to each other.

Being an only child
is extremely lonely.

All I wanted as a kid
was a sibling.

Caroline, come on,
you don't think

your brother wants
to have sex with you.

No, not in a physical way, no.

See, it was all a big
misunderstanding, all right?

So can't you just tell
your sister you love her?

Yeah, I do.
Whatever.

Feliz cumpleaños.
Great!

Okay, you just make me crazy.

I know I do.

I'm sorry.

Sorry I yelled at you.

Hold on one second, guys.
I'm sorry.

I'm just gonna
put this on sil...

okay, I'm sorry,
I have to take this.

Marn, I can't talk right now.

So, I went out this morning
to get a muffin

and I saw this teenager giving
away kittens from his backpack.

And so I took the cutest one.

You have to come over
and see it.

I'm sorry.
I really... I can't.

You never can, Hannah.
Why?

Well, I'm sorry. We're having
a very real moment over here.

Fine, don't come see the cutest
thing that's ever lived.

Good-bye.

You're my best friend.

- Hannah.
- Hi.

I had Mo read a couple of chapters
last night and he loved them.

- Loved them.
- That's what I said.

So I read a bit this morning
and I get you, Hannah Horvath.

- And I like you.
- I knew she would.

Thank you so much.

You're like a Mindy Kaling
meets, um...

- Joan Didion.
- No, Mo.

Well, I love Mindy Kaling.
She's terrific.

Right, but she holds back.

I mean, she'll go there, but she
doesn't go all the way there,

you know what I mean?

I definitely do. She just never,
um... she never takes it there.

You take it there and then
you take it even further

and I'm just like, "Whoa, how
the fuck did we get here?"

Mindy Kaling's not writing about
choking on long balls, so...

Well, neither am I.

You wish, Mo. Anyway, the book
obviously needs some work.

It's not as tight as it can be,

but I really think
we can get it there.

So, who is Hannah Horvath?

Uh, I am. I write my own
books and I'm not a...

Right, no, but beyond
these pages.

I want to know more.
Who are we selling?

How would you
describe yourself?

What's your brand?

- Good question, Mo.
- Thank you.

Okay, let's see.
My brand.

Well, I'm from the Midwest,

so I will always be
15 to 45 pounds overweight,

depending how far
I live from the coast.

The farther I am from the
coast, the fatter I am.

So, I guess my brand
is Tombstone Pizza.

Uh, let's see.
Um, I...

I feel like I'm a person who just,
like, can't keep my mouth shut.

I mean, there's things that you
only talk about with your friends.

Those things I'll talk
about with anyone.

- I don't believe in secrets.
- Right, TMI all the time.

You're like Kathy Griffin
on truth serum.

Well, I don't know.
Kathy Griffin's not exactly...

What the fuck is truth serum, Mo?

Well, I'm sold, but here's
the thing about our company.

We don't do e-books.

Well, maybe you should start.

Nope, so we'd want to put
it out as an actual book.

You know, that you can hold,

buy in a store,
that kind of thing.

I hope that's okay with you.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, that's the best
thing I've ever heard.

I just said yes
to an e-book

because it was better
than, like, a "no book."

- That's exciting.
- Sorry.

You guys laugh too much.
I don't even care.

I'm sorry.
That's so good.

- Okay, Mo.
- I'm so... I'm sorry.

Hey, what's up?

Hey.
What are you wearing?

I'm heading to play ball.

You play basketball?

Yeah, what do you think I do?

I don't know, read, eat soup,

write letters of complaint
to local businesses?

Won't you come in?

Wow, Ray, this place is huge.

Yeah, well, it's not exactly
Versailles, but it works for me.

Yeah, it's not half as bad
as Hannah said it was.

No, it was. Believe me, it
was a real house of horrors.

Yeah.

I'm kind of surprised
you live in such a nice place.

No offense.

I could never live
all the way out here, though.

Once you go to Manhattan, it's kind
of hard to go back to Brooklyn.

Well, sounds like you know
what you're doing to me.

Totally, thank you.

Yeah.

- So...
- Yeah?

I'm on pins and needles
here, Marn.

What did you want
to talk about?

Yeah, so I guess
I just wanted you to, um...

God, I don't really know
how to say this.

Um...

I wanted you to tell me
what's wrong with me.

- What's wrong with you?
- Yes.

It just feels like
it's time for me

to take responsibility for
what has happened in my life,

and you are someone
who likes to tell people

what's wrong with them anyway,

so, shoot.

I'm smelling a trap here.

No, it is not a trap.

Seriously, this is what I need.

From you, specifically, please.

So, just give it to me.

- Please.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- All right.

You ready for this?

Yes, I am a strong woman.

All right, let's see here.

Hmm, well, for beginners,

you're extremely judgmental.

What?

Yeah, you came in here and immediately
insulted me and my neighborhood.

Those were funny jokes.

Were they? Were they
funny jokes, Marn?

- Well... - You come across like
you're better than everyone

and you want no part
of their lives,

and then when you're
excluded from things,

you're outrageously offended
and hold onto this grudge.

Also you're unbearably uptight.

Okay, who isn't uptight,
really?

If we're being serious.

And you use people.

- No.
- You use people a lot.

- No.
- Yeah, you do.

So much so that even when you
try to connect and be sincere,

it comes across as phony.

I think that actually more or
less sums it up in a nutshell.

You're a huge,
fat fucking phony.

Wow.

Okay, yeah, thanks.

I'm super glad I came here.
That was great.

Yeah.

Fuck.

But, that being said,
I still like you.

Why?

Because... because
behind it all,

I think you mean well.

And I'm old enough to recognize
that all of this bullshit

comes from a very deep, dank,
dark, toxic well of insecurity,

probably created
by your absent father.

And that allows you to be
a sympathetic character.

That's nice.

Look...

you are, ultimately,
a good person, Marnie.

Okay?
I believe that.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You want a hug?

Come on.
Give me a hug.

Maybe I went a little too far.
I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Take these off.
Take these off.

Take them down.

Oh, fuck, how many pairs
of underwear do you wear?

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, hi, honey.

What's going on?

Oh, nothing, just taking the
day off to soak up some rays.

Well, also,
I had a small procedure.

Nothing to worry about.
Are you...

Okay, I just met
with a publisher

and they want to give me
a real book deal.

Not a stupid, pathetic,
shitty e-book deal,

a real book deal.

Well, that is...
that's great, love bug.

Are you okay?
Why aren't you more excited?

Uh, well, to be honest,
you know,

I just got off the phone
with Cousin Rudy,

and he looked at that contract
like you wanted him to,

and it seems
that your old publishers

own the rights to your book
since they paid you.

No, they were very, very
clear about the fact

that they're definitely
not publishing the book.

Well, Rudy called and spoke with
someone over at the Millstreet,

and apparently they don't
release the rights

on any of the books they acquire
for, like... for three years.

Dad, that's insane.

You're not making
any sense, okay?

You're, like, loopy from
your procedure or whatever.

- Small mole on my... - Plus, Rudy
is not even a real lawyer, okay?

He's like a Subway Sandwiches
franchise lawyer.

Now, let's not go
and insult Cousin Rudy.

- He took the time to... - Rudy
represents sandwiches, not art, okay?

If a pepperoni sub is ever
suing a tuna salad sandwich,

let's call Cousin Rudy.

Well, I think you should
call Cousin Rudy

and talk all this over
with him.

And it sounds like,
in three years,

you'll be able to do whatever
you want with that book.

Three years?

Three years might as well
be a million years.

Well, we tried
three years for you.

Well, you're insane
and I have to go.

I should really get going.
I have this lunch thing.

Yeah, ahem, I should
get going, too.

- I run point...
- Oh.

point guard on the court,

so I don't want to keep
the fellas waiting.

Mm-mm, you can't
do that.

- No.
- No.

Should I wait for you?

No, you go ahead.
No, I'll wait here.

You go... so...

Hey, um...

thanks for talking to me.

That was really helpful
when you talked to me.

Yeah, yeah.
No, of course.

I'm glad it was helpful.

Nice to know
I could be of service.

Okay, so...

yeah, so, be safe
and stay warm.

You know, maybe
for the time being,

it might be best
to keep this on the DL,

the down low.

You know?

Go fuck yourself.

Like I'd advertise this.

Okay.

"Miss Horvath, pursuant to our
agreement of July 18th, 2012,

the exclusive rights to your
e-book are nontransferable

and remain the property
of Millstreet Press

and all relevant subsidiary
divisions for three years,

effective the date
of signing."

I am so sorry.
You poor thing.

- Oh. - This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.

Listen. Listen to me.

You wrote all
of those wonderful stories

and now you know you can do it.

You just have to write
a whole new bunch

of wonderful stories,
that's all.

Blech.

"A whole new bunch
of wonderful stories"?

My whole life was in that book.

Everything that's
ever happened to me, okay?

The hand job kidney stone.

The time I fell asleep
on a pile of pizza boxes.

When I made out
with the Cuban refugee,

then the thing happened
with the glitter pens.

All of it's in there!

And now what am I gonna do,
live another 25 years

just to create a body of work

that matches the one
that they stole from me?

What if nothing happens
in the next 25 years?

What if I'm still living
in this apartment

wondering if there's asbestos?

What will I write about then?

Why are they doing this to me?

I know how you feel.

I really do.
Listen.

When I was in the eighth grade,

they came to shoot "Independence
Day" in my hometown,

and I got an audition for
the part of Alicia Casse.

- Mm-hmm.
- By all accounts, I was fabulous.

I mean, the part
was tailor-made for me.

They gave it to somebody
else, but in that moment,

I was certain
that my acting career

was finished,
you know, forever.

Caroline, that has
absolutely nothing

to do with what
we're talking about,

and your acting career is over.

Where's Adam?

You know, he should
be here for you right now.

Mm-mm.

No, he shouldn't.

He has his own things going on.

No, don't you see, Hannah?

This is his modus operandi.

When times are sunny,
oh, there's Adam.

But when the great seesaw of life
throws your cunt in a sandbox,

he's a ghost,
This is what he does.

- Hey, Caroline?
- Yeah, honey?

- Can you do me a favor?
- Anything.

Can you try
shutting the fuck up?

Listen, I feel your pain.
I really do.

But, honey, I think you're
projecting a little bit.

You feel my pain?
How do you feel anyone's pain?

All you do is talk and
talk and talk and talk.

And every time I come home
to my apartment,

you're just here talking.

And at first
it was kind of fun,

but now I'm getting
pretty fucking sick

of listening to your mouth run.

Just...

I'll go to my room,
give you a little space.

It's not your room,
it's my room.

The whole apartment's mine,

and for the low, low price
of $2,100 a month,

it could be yours,
but it isn't.

Well, what would you like
for me to do, Hannah?

Hmm, let me think about it.

I'd really like you to get the
fuck out of my apartment!

Fucking selfish little whore.

You and my brother
deserve one other,

you know that,
you selfish little pricks?

And you will never
write a thing that matters

because you will never understand
the true struggles of humanity

because you just slipped right
out of your mother's pussy

like a nice little golden egg,

you spoiled
little fucking brat.

I actually suffer and...

and still continue
to suffer from acne.

Hey.

Hey.

What's up?

Where's Caroline?

I kicked her out.

What?
Why?

Uh, 'cause she was
ruining our lives

and I thought it would
make you happy, finally.

Well, what happened?

- Where'd she go?
- I don't know.

- Hannah?
- I don't know.

What did you do?

I'm supposed to be
taking care of her.

Well, you didn't like
doing that, so...

Yeah, so?
She's my sister.

Do you understand that?
What the fuck?

♪ Baby, we're running
out of money ♪

♪ Honey, we're running
out of dough ♪

♪ I'm turning back to the man
that I once was ♪

♪ But it was fun
to fool them for a while ♪

♪ Finally those good times
are coming ♪

♪ Those good times are coming ♪

♪ Good times
are coming to an end ♪

♪ Good times are coming,
those good times are coming ♪

♪ Good times
are coming to an end ♪

♪ Everyone smiles
for a sad song ♪

♪ Especially when
they're riding high ♪

♪ But right now,
it's a crying shame ♪

♪ That the good times
are coming to an end ♪

♪ Finally those good times
are coming ♪

♪ Those good times are coming ♪

♪ Good times
are coming to an end ♪

♪ All those good times
are coming ♪

♪ Those good times are coming ♪

♪ Good times
are coming to an end ♪

♪ Good times are coming
to an end. ♪

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