Girls (2012–2017): Season 3, Episode 12 - Two Plane Rides - full transcript

Boo!

Oh, my God, Caroline.

Oh, don't worry. I'm not
here to suck your young blood.

Okay.

Just getting our mail, my little Fawn. Hi.

Hi, uh, where are your shoes?

Why do I need my shoes?

I'm just in my hallway.

Hey, baby, if there's
a note from the library,

will you just leave it in there?

I don't want to see it. It's
gonna stress my brain out.



Okay, got it, Marble Cheek.

Hey, um, do you know where the iced tea is?

I was looking and I couldn't find it.

All I saw was the Kombucha Mother.

- Is it...
- Sweetie, it's in the iced tea pitcher

that we got in the garage sale
upstate on the iced tea shelf.

- In the fridge?
- In the fridge.

Okay. I'll see you later.

- I'll be in in a minute.
- All right. Bye, Hannah.

- So, you're...
- Yeah, with Laird.

- Wow.
- God, it turns out

he is just an extremely
integrated human being, Hannah.

- I never would've known.
- Yeah.

We've been up at his brother's
compound in upstate New York



just getting as healthy as we everly can

because we are actually...

Having a b... A baby?

Yeah. Oh, God, I feel amazing, Hannah.

- Can I?
- Please, yeah.

Wow.

You know, we're not
gonna find out, of course.

We want it to be a surprise,
but I know, you know?

I can feel the labia
forming. This is a woman.

It definitely feels as though
there is a vagina coming together.

Um, how is Adam?

Oh, Adam's amazing.

He got a part in a Broadway play,

so he is doing the best ever.

That is so good to hear.

You know, I really hope this
brings him closer to his truth.

You know, hopefully, and
that he doesn't shuck you off

like a piece of summer
corn in the process...

- Yeah.
- As he'll do.

Okay, off to take my folic acid...

And then some!

Garbage.

Bullshit.

That guy's dead.

Fuck.

If you're here to tell
me what a bad person I am,

I don't wanna hear it. Seriously, I know.

And, no, I have not told
Shoshanna yet, but I will,

and I fucking know I have to do it.

And I know that I need to have more respect

for the emotional property of other women,

and I know that I use sex for
validation 'cause it's what I do,

- but just...
- I got into Iowa.

What?

I got into Iowa Writer's Workshop,

which is graduate school.

Hannah!

Oh, my God! Are you... oh, my God.

This is the most... I'm
sorry I got you so wet.

- Don't worry!
- Holy shit.

Hannah, that's, like, the
best mfa program in the world.

I know!

- Hannah, holy shit.
- I know.

You're gonna, like, live in Iowa.

Well, I don't know if I'm gonna go.

Hannah, you got into Iowa. You fucking go.

So think about it.

It's all I'm asking.

Beedie, it's not gonna happen.

You're selfish, that's what it is.

I can tell you've never done
another thing for another person.

Beedie, I am not going
to help you kill yourself.

Really, I cannot keep
having this discussion.

- Okay.
- The first day,

I thought it was colorful and cute.

Now it's just getting bizarre.

Please, I beg you to stop.

Oh, well, fine. Well,
why don't you just go?

- Are you firing me?
- I'm not firing you...

But I just had in mind something different.

Do you know that I wake up every day

disappointed that I
didn't die in the night?

No, I don't blame you.

So, let me get this straight.

You hired me because you
knew I could get you drugs.

I hired you because I thought

you were the only person

who would see how necessary this was.

Listen to me.

I'm tired. My body's gone.

And I'm compassionate
to that, but I just...

I'm in so much pain, Jessa.

I can see that.

I just...

Processing.

Just do it...

For me.

Fuck.

Hi, um, Shoshanna Shapiro?

S as in Sam, H as in Hank, A
as in apple, P as in paltrow...

Yeah, I can spell.

So, I ordered your cap and
gown in the traditional Violet,

and I also ordered the
protective plastic poncho

just in case of, like, inclement weather.

And I will be carrying my aunt Ilene's
NYU graduation flag from, like, 1922.

Mm, looks like your name has been flagged.

Mm-hmm, yeah, I just said I'm
carrying my aunt Ilene's flag.

Uh, no, I mean, I can't give
you your graduation materials.

You gotta go see your advisor.

That doesn't make any sense.

I... I'm gonna need some more information.

Uh, I'm just a Junior. Sorry.

Next?

Excuse me!

Hey, Shosh. Is this a good time?

Yeah.

What's up?

Not graduating. That's what's up.

What? Why?

Apparently I'm missing three credits

because my fucking cunt
of a Glaciology Professor

decided to fail the shit out of me.

Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.

Do you think maybe you were a
little distracted this semester?

- Yeah, maybe.
- 'Cause I get that.

My junior year at Oberlin,

when Charlie and I first got
together, we were so lazy.

Like, all we did was eat
frozen waffles and lie in bed

and watch old episodes of "Blossom,"

and I just did not go to
my Intro to Hinduism class.

I couldn't motivate,
couldn't do it, didn't do it.

And then when they announced the final,

I was probably too scared to fail that...

So I didn't go to that either.

Thank you.

It is really helpful to know
that you were a fuck-up, too.

Okay.

And I hate to change the subject,

and we can come back to this...

We should come back to this...

But there's just something
I feel like you should know.

And it's probably not a big deal,

and you're probably
gonna be, like, insulted

that I even implied that
you would care, but...

I slept with Ray.

More than once.

Sometimes multiple times a night,

but it came from, like,

a deep place of insecurity.

I'm not proud, at all,

and I just wanted you to know that.

But I was hoping we could just...

You know, you've been going
through a lot of stuff,

so I was hoping we could
just, like, talk that through,

go to the theater...

I hate you!

Hello?

Hannah?

Hi, mommy, hi, daddy.

Hey, how are you, doll?

Good, I'm good. I have some big news.

Is it about the growth on your tongue?

No, it's that I'm, um...

I got into graduate school.

- What?
- Holy wow!

I didn't even know you were applying!

Yeah, Iowa Writer's Workshop.

Oh, honey, that is amazing.

It's exciting. I'm doing a little jig here.

I don't know if I'm gonna actually go.

I don't know if it's really
a good time for me to, like...

To, what, change the course of
your entire professional life?

Well, honey, it is a big choice.

Yeah, mom, it's a really big
choice. It's not that simple.

It's like this is where I live, you know?

I'd have to find new friends,

I'd have to find a new place to buy yogurt.

Plus, I don't really know if writing
is something that can be taught,

although I have to say, the
last four years of my life

have been a total wash,
we can all admit that.

Well, I'm glad you're
being honest with yourself.

Wait, hold the phone. Are you kidding me?

When opportunities like this
arise, you figure it out.

You say yes and you figure it out.

- That's how this works.
- Your mother is right.

Big chances are never small stakes, honey.

Oh, my God.

You guys sound like
you're really proud of me.

- Just go ahead.
- Just go ahead.

We'll figure it out.

- We'll figure it out.
- Whoo!

Enter, Governor!

So, you're really stickin' with the accent?

- Hey.
- I have to.

Not gonna work without a bit of practice.

The security guard tried to
stop me, but Desi let me in.

I'm sorry to barge in or whatever.

I know you need your space...

But I wanted to tell you
that I'm so proud of you.

I'm so proud of you.

You've taught me so much about perseverance

and commitment and creativity.

Well, I love you.

I love you, too.

I love you.

And before I go, which
I will do in a second,

I wanted to tell you that
I got into Grad School...

In Iowa...

At the Iowa Writer's Workshop,

and I didn't expect it, but the thing is,

watching you thrive creatively

over these past few weeks,

it's made me want to thrive.

It's made me want to
find a hole in the world

in the shape of me and just fill it up,

- and I know that sounds crazy...
- It doesn't sound crazy.

And I have to decide soon, and...

I think I'm gonna tell them yes...

And then figure it out.

'Cause that's what people do.

We can figure it out, and then we
can be one of those artist couples...

Who are doing different
things in different rooms

and they call to each other and
say, "look at what I'm doing."

- Okay?
- Okay.

Don't just break one
leg, break all your legs.

Bye, sir.

Later.

I haven't been to a Broadway show

since my parents drove me in
to see a matinee of "falsettos,"

at which point they told me my
grandparents were getting divorced.

We should try to get you a
blazer before the show starts.

What's wrong with this?

I'm just so excited for Adam.
Look at all these people!

What's gotten into you?

You were in such a deep groove,
begrudging the success of others.

- Hi. Hi.
- Hey.

Um, I'll be right back.

Bye, Shosh. Good talk.

We're gonna have a chat.

At intermission, you're
gonna buy me some M&Ms

and we're gonna have a fucking chat.

Oh, I'm not quite ready to put my
shirt on, Stacy. Thank you, love.

No, no, no, it's me, it's Marnie.

- They're not letting me in.
- Don't worry, I got her.

Oh, no, no, Oscar, it's
okay. She's a friend.

Hey.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Happy opening night.
- Oh, thank you.

It's so exciting. Wow.

I've always wanted to know what it's
like in a Broadway dressing room.

- Yeah.
- How cool is this?

Lotta ghosts, you know?

I'm sorry, I'm kind of, like,

half in the play, half here.

No, no, no, totally. I
will get out of your hair.

I just wanted to give you a
little opening night present.

What?

It's nothing. Really, it's nothing.

You'll see.

Thank you.

It's, um... Well, you'll see.

It belonged to James Taylor. It's his pick.

- Are you fucking kidding me?
- I just... I know he's a hero of yours,

both in his music and also in the
honest way that he lives his life.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- So break a leg.

Um...

Okay.

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna go.

Uh, break a leg. I'll see you after.

- Thank you. I will see you after.
- Okay.

What are you so cheerful about?

'Cause it does not look like it
went that well with Shoshanna.

No, no, it's fine. We worked it out.

It'll be fine. Um...

Desi kissed me.

- Are you fucking serious?
- I'm dead serious.

Marnie, that's another
person with a girlfriend.

- He kissed me...
- Ladies and gentlemen...

- Welcome to the Belasco Theatre.
- Guys, shh, shh.

Please remember that the use of photography

and any recording device
is strictly prohibited.

And please silence all cell phones.

- Thank you.
- You guys, silence your phones.

It's been silent.

- Ray, don't take pictures.
- Okay.

What's the matter?

Why are they talking like that?

- It's not Shakespeare.
- They're British.

- Presently, Stephen.
- But it's called "Major Barbara."

So?

Shoshanna, ask questions at intermission.

Adam wasn't even in the first act.

He's, like, a major part
of the second act, though.

I have to say, I'm really gonna be sad

living in the city without you.

You're not gonna be
without me all the time.

I'm gonna be back and
forth. I'll be bicoastal.

Iowa's not a coast.

It's a figure of speech. I'm gonna pee.

The show is not gonna get good notices.

Desi kissed the shit out of me.

What? He's so cute.

Oh, my God, I know.

- I was not expecting it...
- Oh, Marnie.

And it was the best.
Elijah, it was so satisfying.

I have to say, I don't see that
ending well for you, though.

- What do you mean?
- I'm really intuitive about these things.

I've predicted two of my friends' divorces,

one pregnancy, and a
couple natural disasters.

Are these the ones you wanted?

Yeah?

Intermission's kind of short, so if you...

If there's something you wanted to...

Okay, I'll go first. I'm sorry.

But if memory serves, you're the
one who jettisoned me a while ago.

And you weren't very discreet

about keeping your
assignations out of my face,

so I can't be that sorry
at the end of the day.

Right? I mean, I really can't.

I want you back.

- What?
- I want you back.

I just had the...
I-I-I want you back.

I... I miss you.

I made a mistake,

and this whole entire year of
freedom was just fucking stupid

and I want to be with you again.

Shosh, I know you don't really...

You're jealous 'cause I went swimming at
the country club with Marnie? Is that it?

What? No. Because you make
me a more stable human.

And you make me want to be
the best version of myself,

and I just want to be
your girlfriend again,

and I want to pretend that I was
never not your girlfriend before.

I love you. I love you.

Shosh, look, I'm eternally grateful to you

'cause I have a real job now,
with real responsibilities.

I have my first credit card.

I've got a Credenza.
I've got a cactus plant.

That's because of you. You understand?

You pushed me forward in a lot of ways,

and I'm eternally appreciative of that.

Okay? But right now,
we're in different places,

and we have very, very,
very different goals.

Please? Please?

It's not a matter of...

Please?

We should go upstairs.

Feel better after your meal, sir?

No, call that a meal.

- Good enough for you, perhaps...
- Hannah!

But what's it to me?

- Hannah?
- An intelligent working man?

Working man? What are ya?

- A painter.
- Oh, yes, I...

Yes, I daresay, I know.

Every loafer can't do nothing
calls himself a painter.

- Well, I'm a real painter...
- He's really good.

38 Bob a Week, if I can get it.

Well, why don't you go and get it?

I'll tell you why. First, I'm intelligent.

It's rotten cold here.

Yes, intelligent beyond the station of life

into which it has pleased
the capitalists to call me.

You are both very naughty children.

What do you want, Barbara?

I want a house and a village
to live in with Dolly.

Come and tell me which one to take.

6:00 tomorrow morning, my young friend.

Oh, my God.

Let's come every night.

Clementine. Oh, my gosh.

I thought you were traveling.

I'm back.

Desi's gonna be, um...

He's gonna be so excited that
you could be here tonight.

You know what? Can you
cut the shit, please?

I mean, I know what you're up
to. It's written all over you.

I don't blame you. He's fucking sexy,

but if he hasn't realized
it yet, he's going to soon

that you're just, like,
a sad, pathetic mess.

Clementine, please believe
me. I was not trying...

Seriously, shut the fuck up.

Has anyone ever taught you when to speak?

We're recording an album.

Not anymore, you're not.

Nice dress.

You're just gonna take... take these.

You got 'em? You got it?

Okay. Take this now.

More.

It's okay if you choke.

It's just a different
route to the same thing.

I really feel great.

Jessa, don't you take any of
these pills after I'm gone.

No, I won't.

Somehow they don't look nearly as fun

when they're being used to murder someone.

Mm.

I am so moved that you
would do this for me.

Well, I didn't want to do it.

- You didn't want to...
- No.

But you did.

I have never...

Never mind.

So, now...

I guess we just wait.

The fucking celebrities that
come to these things are nuts.

- Debi Mazar...
- Amazing.

Rosie Perez, Mark Consuelos...
Sadly, no Kelly Ripa...

But there was, like, a blonde with
him that threw me for a second.

- I can't believe...
- Wendy Williams...

- No.
- Treat Williams...

- From "Everwood"?
- Yes.

Sam Champion...

I mean, I did so much sense memory work.

- You know how hard I work.
- Oh, I could tell.

Congratulations, you guys,
on your big achievement.

Thank you. It's all for him.

Oh.

- She's so cute in real life.
- Kinda douchy, though.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- Congratulations! Awesome job!
- Right, thanks, hey.

- Hi, my love. You were amazing.
- So good.

No, I wasn't. I was fucking terrible.

- Oh...
- Are you kidding me?

Adam, I had full body chills.

Yeah, she's not joking. She had chills.

- See you guys.
- See you later.

Why did you tell me that thing about
Iowa right before I went onstage?

I fucking blew it.

Okay, do you live in,
like, a parallel universe?

There's no way that was blowing it.

Everybody was talking about
how much they loved it.

Well, I don't care what everyone
says, I know if I'm good or not.

This is exactly what
I thought would happen.

This is exactly why I
didn't want to see you.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I'm gonna go ahead,

and I will meet you guys
at the party, all right?

- Mm-hmm.
- I, uh...

Elijah loved the play.

Oh, good.

I told you that thing about Grad School

'cause I felt that it was really
good news for us as a couple.

So now you're leaving me?

Leaving you? Adam, you're the one
who moved out of our apartment.

I moved a few blocks away for a few weeks.

I know that this is complicated,

but I also know that we can work it out.

Well, I'm sick of trying to work it out.

Can't one thing ever be easy with you?

Congratulations on a
beautiful opening night.

Call 9-1-1. I don't want to die.

Call 9-1-1. I don't want to die!

- Okay.
- Call 9-1-1!

- She changed her mind.
- Oh, God!

Oh, God. Okay.

Oopsie-Daisy.

I don't... I don't know what else to
tell you. What do you want me to say?

I want you to not fuckin' walk away from me

when I'm trying to tell you how I feel.

In a fucking bar full
of your theater friends?

- What am I supposed to do?
- We were not by any of those people.

We were in the corner.

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