Girls (2012–2017): Season 3, Episode 1 - Females Only - full transcript

Hannah attempts to ease Adam into her social circle as Marnie recovers from a second breakup with Charlie and Shoshanna establishes her priorities after her split with Ray. Meanwhile, Jessa is secretly in rehab, but finds herself an unpopular fixture due to her careless attitude with the other patients.

I don't get why you
won't just come to dinner.

You're gonna have to
see her eventually.

Actually, no. I won't.

I never... I never get
when people say that.

We live in a huge
sprawling Metropolis

where it's very, very easy to avoid
the person you don't want to see.

- Forever.
- Yeah, but that's so sad.

Why? Because we once shared
true and stunning intimacies

and now we're nothing
more than strangers?

- Exactly.
- That's not sad, Hannah.

That's called life, okay?
Everything dies.



I don't want to hear
about this again.

What's sad to me is the fact
that you're still working here,

muddying the waters of
my new establishment.

- That's sad.
- You begged me.

You said I was your
squeaky from me.

I never used those words.

- Hi.
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

I dropped my keys
down a subway grate.

- Oh, hey, Ray.
- New apartment is working out great.

Oh, great, great.
Great, good. Yeah.

Did you meet my neighbor Nancy?
She's a fuck...

- You okay?
- She's a pistol.

Can I get the keys
out of your pocket?



- I left the oven on.
- What's going on?

Adam?

Adam.

- Who is that?
- I don't know.

- Who is that?
- I don't know anybody here.

Well, you're not looking at them,
so how can you know them?

Fucking going. Come over here.
Get over here.

Okay, well, she's coming over.

You big, tall,
dumb slice of dog shit.

Hey, hey. Hey, Natalia.

Look at her. Look at this angel.

Look what you did to her.

She looks good to me.
Very pretty.

- She's changed.
- I don't want to do this, okay?

I don't want to do this.
Let's just go.

Oh, no, no. We cannot go, no.

No, this man jilted you.

You, a Saint.
He said he loved you

and then he just never
called you again.

Yes, I know. I know.

And I am...

Very sorry about that.

I just didn't understand

for, like, a few weeks, you know,
that it had really happened.

I know. I know.

And I'm sorry.

I just kind of thought that you'd
come back with an explanation.

I don't even
know why I wanted one.

Our whole thing was
so fucked anyway.

- I just...
- I...

I have trouble
with confrontation.

Okay, well,
maybe she has trouble

being fucked like
a piece of meat

and being told that
she's all you need.

All right, guess what?
She's pregnant.

Okay?
She's pregnant with your child.

What you put in her,
it made a baby in her

and now she's pregnant.

How does it feel to
abandon your son?

- What?
- Yeah.

Feel it. It's yours.

It's fucking yours.

- That's right.
- No, I'm not.

- That's right.
- Okay, I am not pregnant.

- But you could be.
- Fucking shit.

You completely could be
impregnated by this donkey

and he'd never know
'cause he fucking disappeared.

- You are a donkey.
- Okay, I think, Hannah, it's time for us to go.

Hannah?

This is Hannah?

- This... this is Hannah?
- Did you leave in a rush?

It's really nice to meet you,
Hannah.

Hi.

Wow, so you know what you have
on your hands here, right?

You know? You know that
you have an off-the-wagon

neanderthal sex addict sociopath

who's gonna fuck you
like he's never met you

- and like he doesn't love his own mother?
- His own mother.

And then you're gonna turn around
and cry, 'cause that's what you do.

Does he like to eat you out from
behind? Does he bite your neck?

Does he sound like a dying dog when
he's fucking you and he shoots his cum

- all over the place like it's goddamn confetti?
- We're in public.

- Fucking in my hair.
- Babe, you're better than this.

I had to get a goddamn
blowout after I left.

You know what? You're right.
Let's just get out of here.

You know what? I hope you two...

You should just enjoy
your urine-soaked life

fucking like the two feral
animals that you both are.

You're gonna end up with a baby
that you don't know how to care for.

- You're gonna fucking kill your kid.
- It's gonna die.

- You're gonna give it spoiled formula.
- Dead.

- Gross.
- You're not gonna get any milk out of those tits.

I just hope that you two enjoy the
fucking life that you've chosen.

And we, we're not paying
the check. Thanks.

And we're not paying the check.
Thanks.

It's on the house.

I really like that blonde one.

So feisty.

Feisty shiksa.

You don't understand how
hard it is to get to this place.

I didn't get here overnight.

I did a lot of self work.
I did charity work.

I worked on my body.
I worked on myself.

You have to work
hard to move on.

I am, okay?
How do you not think I'm trying?

I've changed my whole life.

I'm doing everything
differently.

Why are you being like this?
Why are you yelling at me?

Because I am fucking sick
of talking about him.

He is just the first of 20 guys
who is gonna fuck you over.

That's just what guys do.
Why focus on this one?

It's not like he
was Liam Hemsworth

or Ryan Gosling
or Channing Tatum

or, I don't know,
Jan-Michael Vincent.

I thought I was gonna
spend my life with him.

You of all people should
know what that's like.

It's hard and it's scary.

We don't get scared.
That's not our style.

I gave you my middle name,
Marie,

because it has a legacy of
strength and independence.

Yeah, you know what else it has?

Only one letter differentiates
it from my first name.

Which is really weird.

Mom, I go into the
city to work every day

at a job where I am respected.

I have friends.
I'm getting a new apartment.

I've already fixed everything.

- Yo.
- Marn, where were you? I have a meeting.

I know. I'm sorry.
It was my fucking mom.

- Okay, I'm sorry. I love you.
- I love you, too.

- I'm sorry.
- Fine.

Hi, I'm Kelvyn

and I'm an addict.

I'm having some
issues with change.

You know, the first three
years that I lived in New York,

it was magic.
It was just pure magic.

I mean, it was like my block
was like a fellini movie.

But one that you would
actually want to watch.

Just the characters
that you would see.

I just miss the way that I would
just go to the fucking corner

to see what Brenda, the guy with
the flattop, was doing, you know?

And Brenda's not there anymore.

That whole world
isn't there anymore.

They're all gone.

Hey, hey.

It's not your fault.

Yes, it is. It's my fault.

Mindy. Mindy.

Let's touch with our hearts,
not our hands.

What does Kelvyn's share
bring up for you, Jessa?

- Mm.
- Nothing?

No, just how awkward
it is watching everyone

try and get it up
for each other.

This guy's crying
because a froyo

opened up on his block.

He's trying to think of the
saddest thing he can think of

and it's not that sad.

She's a bitch.

Mindy,
try and stay in your experience.

She's a bitch.
That's my experience.

That's good.

How long, Jessa,
have you been using?

What do you want, jock?
Do you want me to cry?

Is that what you want?

About how my dad has
been in rehab 12 times?

About how I don't
even have his number?

Or my mother, how she can't even
go to the bathroom on her own?

Or how alone I feel and
without a life vest?

Is that what you guys want?
Because I can do it.

I'm really good at it,

but it's really
exhausting and boring.

And, by the way,
I figured my shit out already

when I was five years old, okay?

Heroin is really fun.

But it can also kill you, okay?

- And Melvin over here...
- Kelvyn.

Kelvyn over here is a
dark horse of society.

- Not in a good way, my friend.
- Oh, fuck you.

He's not a dark horse.

Okay, let's talk about
"mindy methface" over here.

Mindy enjoys wearing scrunchies.

No one has addressed that.

Scrunchies? I've never worn a
fucking scrunchie in my whole life.

You want to wear them, though.

How come no one has
talked about this guy

and that he insists on being
called "Phred" with a "ph"?

Jock, are you just gonna let her
do this? She's ruining everything.

She's running the group now.
She's in charge.

She's not running the group.

I'm sorry. Shh.

Jessa. Jessa.

I don't know what else to say.

You're already on male ban.

Yeah, I know.

This sign makes it pretty clear.

Jessa...

How do you think you're
progressing here?

You know, I think...

I think I'm doing really good.

I haven't done drugs.
I've made some friends...

Some really ugly friends...
And I don't even mind.

You know, I'm only here

because it's what my
grandmother would pay for.

I do 60 days,
and then she gets me

a plane ticket and rent

and, actually,
these boots that I want.

They're called uggs.
They're from Australia.

That's terrific.

All right,
get your foot off my desk and go.

This stuff is amazing.

It's fantastic.
You're really cranking on this.

I'm so glad you're
happy with it.

And I'm also,
it goes without saying,

so glad you're not suing me.

Why didn't you tell me you were
suffering from mental illness?

That's something
we can work with.

I guess I was embarrassed
to tell you the truth.

- You were embarrassed?
- Yeah.

You were embarrassed?
You write about jerking

a kidney stone out of some
Puerto Rican Jew's dick

and you're embarrassed?

Okay, I see an inconsistency.

- Seriously, this stuff is amazing.
- Thank you.

Honestly, any dot-com you want to
put it on is gonna be great by me.

- But I am gonna work you on this.
- Yes.

- I'm gonna work you all night.
- Yes.

Are you ready for that?
Are you healthy enough?

- Fully. 100%.
- You're not shitting me, right?

I could not be more ready. And this
isn't like the manic thing I say

right before I chop my ear off
and send it to you in the mail

and blame you for my death.

Did you just bite the cup?

It's famous.
It's a trademark. Try it.

That's what this
place is famous for.

I've been drinking from
a cup this whole time

and I didn't know it was
made of pure chocolate?

Thank you so much.

- You're welcome.
- Oh, my God.

So my editor says my writing
is better than it's ever been,

which is really
exciting and amazing

because it makes me feel like
everything that's been so terrible

and painful in the last few months was
leading me to this point, you know?

And it's amazing to realize
that my only limitation

is my own mind.

Like, I hold the keys to
the prison that is my mind.

What would you say

are the main stressors
you're experiencing?

Um, boring stuff like money.

- Money?
- Money's a tough one

because I still don't make
enough and neither does Adam.

He can only contribute a very
small portion to the rent.

You know,
whatever he gets from his grandma

and selling things he makes
out of papier-mâché.

And what does he make out
of the papier-mâché?

Is that important
for you to know?

It could be.
It could be very important.

Well, I thought the
session was more about me.

Does he ever make a house? Dogs?

If you don't want to talk
about it, perfectly fine.

Would you say that Adam's
lack of financial success

makes you unhappy?

No, because he's like...

He's not a traditional person, so he
can't just be slotted into any job.

You know, you haven't met him,
but it's just like that's not...

That's not how he works.
Plus, he takes care of me.

In what sense?

Let's see.
He makes sure I take my medicine.

- Good.
- He makes sure I eat protein.

- That's very good.
- He does this very kind of calming chant.

That's great. I used to chant.

My chanting, actually,
has gotten me through

an awful lot of... things.

Okay, what was your chant?

It's very private.

Okay.

Yeah, so, it's been hard.

But I'm starting to recognize

that while I am a
victim of circumstances,

I have a sickness

that someone else gave to me.

And when I remember that,

I don't want to huff
lighter fluid anymore.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you so much, Laura.

I can't tell you how brave
you're being by sharing that.

Thank you.

I feel like you are using

being molested as an excuse.

Excuse me?

I'm really sorry that
your Uncle fucked you,

but at the end of the day,
you know,

we've all been through a lot.

We can't go around blaming other
people for our shit behavior.

I just feel like you're
being a bit whiny.

I don't really feel
safe around her.

So aggressive.
You're so aggressive.

Jessa, is there a way
you can phrase this idea

that relates to your
own struggle a bit more?

Yeah,
you haven't once told us anything

about how... what your
feelings are about any of this.

You know? It's not fair.

You're exploiting the generosity
that we've had with you

showing our feelings when you
haven't once said how you feel

about how you have feelings.

Yeah, I dare you to
tell us how you feel.

Okay,
I feel like Laura might be gay.

What the fuck?

Hear me out, Laura, okay?

You hated having sex
with your boyfriend,

even though he played hockey.

I never said that.
I never said that.

And your vest.

Fuck you, hairstyle.

- Jock, this isn't okay.
- Yeah, it's not okay.

- Laura!
- She's not gonna come back.

You see what you've done? That's
what we call "provocation."

Everything's ruined.

- Laura!
- Get me a napkin.

- No.
- Don't give it to her.

Do you think that 16 tacos
is enough for four people

if I also get a big
bucket of ice cream?

Maybe I'll get two
buckets of ice cream,

'cause Marnie's actually
someone who eats more...

I don't want to do this.

Do what? Have dinner?

Have your friends over.
I don't want to.

Okay, well,
you agreed to it last week.

Yeah, because I didn't think
it would actually happen.

You always bail on them.

I don't always bail on them.
They always bail on me.

Well, someone bails on someone.

Listen, if you want to see them,
go see them.

But why do I have
to be a part of it?

Because you're my
partner in life and love

and I want you to be a part of
everything I do on this earth.

But wouldn't you rather go to the taco
and ice cream shop with your friends

and come back and
find me in a good mood

rather than invade our
place and get me all pissed?

No. No, I wouldn't.

I don't make you hang out
with any of my friends.

You don't have any friends.

That's just fucking rude.

So is telling me
you hate my friends

an hour before they're supposed
to walk through our door.

I don't hate your friends. I'm just not
interested in anything they have to say.

I'm not interested in
anything they have to say.

That's not the
point of friendship.

And earlier,
Natalia was saying that...

Are you really gonna bring
up what Natalia said?

I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.

It's just we need some
shared experiences.

Well, I'm not gonna change
into a different person

just 'cause you want me to.

You have to. It's called
"being in a relationship."

So you say.

- Are you allowed to smoke in here?
- I am.

How do you get them
to leave you alone?

I have a very
respectable accent.

Yeah, but so do I.

You have the accent
of a little girl

who grew up somewhere
between Heathrow and JFK.

My daughter's is similar.

How old is she?

About your age, I guess.

Haven't seen her for a while.

Her mother hates me and
she takes after her mother.

Do you know that today in group

some dumb bitch threw
coffee in my face?

All because I told her
that she's a lesbian.

I did her that favor.

I just got to it quickly
rather than this bullshit

of everyone tiptoeing around it

and just told her she's
a raging fucking dyke.

Dyke or no dyke,

people have to come to
things in their own time.

Now, you have to learn
when honesty is righteous

and when honesty is nothing
more than a party trick.

You're a real shit for not
knowing how old your daughter is.

Right,
filtered through the kaleidoscope

of your own daddy issues.

- I do not have daddy issues.
- Please, we all have them.

Now, periodically, if you can,

take time to reflect
on the daddy issues

that your daddy
had with his daddy

and his daddy with his daddy

and his daddy before
him and every daddy

that's been going on
daddying before that daddy.

I know you know this.
You're quite wise.

You know nothing about me.

Wisdom comes from experience.

And I suspect you've had many,
many experiences.

Too many, probably,
for someone of your age.

I've had fun.

But it wasn't always fun,
was it?

No.

Yodels.

Yodels.

What do you want?

To apologize.

- To me?
- Yes, you.

I don't want you
to be mad at me.

I would hate if you hated me.

Okay, whatever.

And I'm sorry for your
Uncle fucking you.

And I'm also sorry

that you've been through
a lot and I understand.

I said, whatever.

I don't really
need this in here.

I had a weird Uncle. He was gay,

but he also said a lot
of awful things to me.

I was the first person he told
that he had AIDS and I was five.

Did you know what AIDS was?

Yes, and I don't know how.

But the point is is that
I also feel like a victim.

Often.

I am a lesbian.

I think.

But I still don't
like when people

tell my business out in public.

And I don't like to frickin'
play sports.

People always think
"lesbians like sports."

And it's like, what?

I'm worried if I tell anybody,
they're gonna ask me to do sports.

It's just... ugh.

Do you know how cool this is?

It's like I bet the minute
that you accept this,

you won't ever want
to do drugs again.

They were a
placeholder for pussy.

Have you ever kissed a girl?

Basically,
it's the beginning of a somewhat

sexually adventurous
time for me.

I'm alternating
nights of freedom

with nights of academic focus

so that at the end
of my senior year,

I will have had both experiences

while also being super well-prepared
for the professional world.

It sounds like a
really good plan.

It sounds smart and
strong and feminist.

What do you think, baby?
Good plan, right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I think...

I think...

I think what you think,
pretty much.

I think it's really smart.

If you can avoid
love and feelings

and matters of the heart and soul,
you will be so much better off.

That's the saddest
thing I've ever heard.

She's going through a breakup.

No, no, he's right.
It totally is.

I appreciate your candor, Adam.
I always have.

You're welcome.

I sort of feel like Charlie's
gonna just materialize

in a couple of months at
some random fucking hospital

and he's gonna turn out
to be one of those people

who has a brain tumor
that makes him crazy

like that dude who had a tumor
that made him a pedophile.

And then once they medically
remove it or whatever,

he's gonna go back
to being normal.

It's not impossible.

He could be the subject of
the next Oliver sacks book.

I don't think so. I saw him.

You saw Charlie?

- Yup.
- Why didn't you tell me?

You know, it just didn't seem...

We're not really friends.

- Did you know?
- No.

He did not tell me that he ran
into Charlie on Bedford Avenue.

- Did he ask about me?
- Of course not.

Yeah, actually.
He said, "how's Marnie?"

What did you say?

I said, "she's good. She's good.

- She seems very clean."
- He said you had a new job.

He said you had a new
boyfriend from Spain.

Did he seem like he
had a girlfriend?

You all look very
gorgeous this evening.

Thank you so much, my love.
Why don't we have some chips?

I didn't buy these
chips for my health,

you know what I'm saying?

Marn.

I just...

I'm so sick of crying

because this whole
situation makes no sense.

I mean, we bought the ingredients
to make grilled pizzas

and we were going to
make grilled pizzas.

And the day we were supposed
to do that, he left me.

On what fucking planet
does that make any sense?

Cheers to your fucking book,
Hannah, really.

Thank you so much. But, Marn, we're
not gonna talk about my book right now.

This isn't the appropriate
time to discuss

my incredibly exciting
professional endeavor.

No, it is the time.
It's totally the time.

We should also talk about how
fucking good this taco is, huh?

Am I right?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

This is getting logged.

When I was 22,
this Colombian girl dumped me.

She was both Colombian

and went to the
university of Columbia.

And she was beautiful
and she was smart

and she was related to
Gabriel García Márquez.

And just as fast as we fell
in love, she disappeared.

And I knew she had just used me.

You know, she was an
intellectual and I was a thug.

And I just stared at
the ceiling all day

remembering the first
time we fucked on my couch

in Sunnyside after a
rainstorm on a Thursday.

Okay, I'm not a
jealous person by nature,

but I really hate this story.

He's telling an incredibly
beautiful and romantic story.

Then one day after being fucked up
for months, I realized something.

I didn't know her.

She didn't know me.

Just because I tasted
her cum and spit

or could tell you her middle name
or knew what record she liked,

that doesn't mean anything.
That's not a connection.

Anyone can have that.

Really knowing someone
is something else.

It's a completely
different thing.

And when it happens,
you won't be able to miss it.

You will be aware.

And you won't hurt or be afraid.

Okay?

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

So I went down on fat gay Laura.

It was basically charity.

You have a pretty skewed
view of the world, Jessa.

Usually the more I
get to know a person,

the more sense they make to me,
but not you.

Do you understand the implications
your behavior has on Laura,

- on your family...
- You know, you can't make things

that mean nothing
mean something.

Oh, wow.

Did you read that
off a fortune cookie?

Are you a sociopath?

Are you a method actor
researching a role?

Well, congratulations. You got
yourself kicked out of rehab.

You did what you set out to do.

Are we done?

See, that wasn't so bad, was it?

That was fucking great.

No, I mean with my friends.

It was such a successful dinner.

And I hate them so much more when
I'm not in the same place as them.

And you were so sweet to Marnie.

She really needed it and I
just felt like I know you.

No matter what your crazy
ex-girlfriend says, I really know you.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

I really don't want to see your
friends for, like, three months.

Okay?

I'm sorry, I just... I can't.

Who is that? "Unknown number"?
I hate that.

- Don't answer.
- Hello?

Hi, it's Jessa.

- Jessa?
- Don't scream. Relax, please.

Did you really just say
"relax" to me?

Is that really
what you just did?

Because, honestly, sometimes
when you abandon someone

and don't tell them
where you are for months,

it makes them feel
pretty shitty.

So then to call and say,
"oh, please, relax... "

I'm in rehab... in the middle
of shitsville, nowhere.

That is so great.

Now I need you to
come and get me.

What? What'd she say?

I'm gonna place you on
hold for a brief moment.

Baby, how old do you
have to be to rent a car?

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